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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Fallon: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. Abby and I are here today and we're really excited and a little bit, not nervous, but there's some really palpable energy right now around. our topic of conscious partnership. Yes. And [00:01:00] our journey with that from where we were to where we are now, and what a conscious partnership, not only what it is, what it brings up, um, navigating one cre, co-creating one.
That is another thing that I think we forget, that we get to do in our relationships. Um, so yeah, we're excited for you to join us today. and Abby, take
Abby: it away. . Oh God. I know, right? I know. It's like why is this such a, why is this such a topic? I feel like a lot of energy going right now, but conscious partnership right now.
Right now I am in a beautiful relationship and I'm getting married in less than. Hmm. , let's see, 23 days. Oh my God. I'm gonna see
Fallon: you in 22, 22 days then. Yeah. Yay. [00:02:00] Holy shit.
Abby: I can't wait. . But it has been a road to get here. Yeah. And um, and I think also definitely a road for Fallon, for all of us to get to this place where we're both at feeling, um, safe and loved.
in our relationships. Yeah.
Fallon: Emotionally intelligent.
Abby: Yeah. Communication. And when you feel very, because I think when I think of conscious partnership, when I think of the relationships that I've had in the past, there is a lot of unsafety that happens and a lot of, for me, what felt like, you know, kind of going back in your shell, because the hardest thing I think for humans is, and the most rewarding and nourishing thing, and the thing that opens us up to everything is being [00:03:00] vulnerable and sharing.
Sharing ourselves our true selves, our real selves, our whole selves with the people that we love, and trusting that they'll be able to hold space for that and still, All of the parts of that and all of the parts of us, and that is the scariest thing, I think being in relationships. It is, it's
Fallon: Go ahead.
Yeah, it is the scariest. Um, because I know, so, you know, long story short, I was in a very toxic, emotionally abusive relationship and so the last heavy over a year and a half, I've really done so much deep work around healing that part of me that resonates with that. And so, , I am now in a very grounded, safe relationship with a very steady man and still showing up authentically.
Actually for me takes work because I'm used to [00:04:00] having to kind of package things a certain way so that when they're delivered, I, the opening of whatever I've packaged, I'm not have, like, is it gonna be taken this way or this way? And always kind of walking on those eggshells. Mm-hmm. . So I find that even in my vulnerability, I have to really work to keep my heart open and to keep my heart open to love.
Um, because it is so scary, especially whether you've been in an emotionally abusive relationship or not toxic relationship. Many of us have experienced that. Mm-hmm. and so trusting. That we're safe in exactly who we are and what we feel takes work and, and when we're thinking about, like, I feel like conscious partnership has become, you know, as many things do a buzzword, but also because it exists and because people begin to experience it, so they begin to talk more about it.
Um, but it is not, I don't think, a space that's only like conscious partnership and love and light and there's no challenge. Mm-hmm. , I actually think it's very deeply [00:05:00] challenging, but in a really rooted, grounded, loving. Way, not in, you're constantly in your trauma response way. Yes.
Abby: Yeah. Yeah. Because if you think about it, anytime everything can be good, you know, until it's not good.
Yeah. And, and like having things truly feel good when both of you are being yourselves versus. , which I think is more of a habit for women, you know, walking on eggshells around our partner because we don't want to upset them or we want to, or there's feelings of worthiness that come in, which is their feelings or their comfort is more important than mine.
Yeah. And so I can, you know, as a woman, I can hold all of these different things and I can be strong and I can do all of these. I mean, I know for me, That was totally a pattern for me, um, in my last relationship [00:06:00] before this one. Um, just feeling like, yeah, I'm strong enough to handle all of this and I can be this person and I can do all of these things, or I can be this way for him, even if that's not who I am.
And, and then feeling, you know, slowly. You know, little parts of you kind of go gray. Yes. Or go really muted. That's a really
Fallon: beautiful way to put it. I would always feel like my light was just going out. Yeah. Like I couldn't re, I couldn't, I felt like I couldn't find myself. Like where was that spark, that Fallon Spark?
Where did she go? Yeah. Yeah,
Abby: exactly. And. and so yeah, conscious partnership. It can be like this, this big buzzword, but at the end of the day it's, it's so much harder, but so much more, I don't wanna say harder, but it can feel harder [00:07:00] and so much more rewarding. Yeah. To really be with somebody and sit with them sitting in the discomfort of hearing something that maybe you did that made them feel unsafe or made them.
Like, feel shaky and, and having to witness that and, and, and acknowledge parts of yourself that might need to grow and having that be okay and not be a terrible thing and vice versa. And being able to share that fully with somebody else, which can be very scary and uncomfortable, but also so be.
Fallon: Absolutely. And I think when you're saying hard, what feels hard about it is, is you can no longer operate in the old patterns if you're wanting to thrive. Mm-hmm. . So the hard is the work of recognizing like, oh shit, you just hit a wound. Like I had to tell my Mr. B this past week. I feel really [00:08:00] not considered because little Fallon was never considered growing up my par.
My, I mean, you know, I was raised by a single mom and my dad was in and out and, um, I just, nobody gave a shit what I thought or felt about life and how it moved. And so when a partner shows up that way, or seems to show up that way, my reality, then I get into a trauma response and my reality then becomes, oh, see another, another proof.
Mm-hmm. , nobody considers me. And so that's where it gets hard is to recognize like, oh, I am in a trauma response. Mm-hmm. , this doesn't mean it's facts. Like this is not factual, but my body feels like it is. Mm-hmm. . And so that's where the work to re-pattern and, and, and have to nurture myself and so much of the work that.
you know, I have done is, is cultivating deep safety within my body so that when this we are triggered, because the thing about conscious partnerships is [00:09:00] all relationships, you know, we both believe and know that they mirror back to us are shipped. Mm-hmm. . But the thing about a conscious partnership is it's like I was telling my partner, Mr.
B, I was telling him, I said, it's almost as if. The energy within us knows we are so safe to let our darkness really come up, that it's like finding little cracks and crevice is in a really beautiful way because we know we're really safe and, and he can hold it, you know? And so he's, and I can, and I can hold myself in it, and I can also hold his activations and triggers without.
Needing to scream at each other or without needing to belittle or emasculate. Like I know that you don't do that with Jameson. There's to no emasculation. Even if like we are uncomfortable in whatever they witness within us, there's no deep disrespect. There's an actual like, okay, as much as I don't wanna fucking listen because what I feel [00:10:00] feels factual.
Mm-hmm. , I know that there's room in this for the two of
Abby: us. Yeah. And there's room enough to hold space for both truths, you know? Mm-hmm. , both things can be true at the same time. And I think when you're in a conscious partnership, having to acknowledge that, that just because the one way that you've experienced it, I mean, we all experience everything differently and different things, like you're saying, trigger, trigger us all differently.
And for me, I think this is probably gonna be a common one for our listeners, but you know, when I was little, Always being the, the good child who didn't make a lot of noise and who my parents didn't have to worry about, who was more of the peacemaker, who was easy, who never, you know, and, and, and having that be very, um, intrinsic to my personality so that when I was in, uh, more of a toxic relationship, then I was like, [00:11:00] okay, well I'll just, you know, I'll retreat.
I'll be the peacemaker. I'll make everything okay. My needs aren't as important because I know that this person is really struggling with something, so I'm gonna put myself on the back burner because they're going through something and they need my support. Whereas we all, like all of our needs, deserve to be aired And, yeah.
And yeah. And declared . Yes. And declared.
Fallon: And what's interesting is, is the patterns that come up. And, and, and again, more work of like, if I do it a different way and something that we talked about was, so I will withdraw, like, or I will kind of white like, so women will wall up real quick. Mm-hmm. , we're real quick to build those walls.
Yes. And, um, and protect, you know, and so it's acknowledging like, oh, I am starting to protect right now. . But if I'm [00:12:00] actually rooted in love and if I can trust God, source, universe, and, and love in that regard, then I can trust that love will carry me through this. Even if I don't feel necessarily like, I love this person in this moment, right?
Mm-hmm. , or I don't like this person in this moment. I can love myself through this by not walling up to what is my truth. Mm-hmm. , and then also for me, because I can really build the walls and protect and. .
Abby: Um,
Fallon: I can also, like I said, really hold things close until I can package them in a way that I feel like they'll be received well.
And something he requested from me was like, can you not package it? Can you just talk to me in real time about what's going on? And he said, mm-hmm. in the worst case scenario is you end up changing your mind because. Maybe something you said doesn't actually end up feeling true. Mm-hmm. , but it's through the talking with me and sharing with me what is maybe the [00:13:00] dualities that you're holding or the conflict that you're navigating within your body.
Then I at least have an invite into just. being like, okay, now what's going on in your head? What's going on in your world and in your body and in your head and what you're experiencing? And then mm-hmm. , you get to decipher what ends up feeling true at the end of it. But for me not to be involved in that, then I'm lost in the dark.
Like, I don't know what's going on. Mm-hmm. , I feel pushed away. And, um, so this, you know, conscious partnership really becomes this, it is co-creative and it gets really, there's another part of this that I'd like to speak to in a minute, but, , it gets really co-creative, like, oh, so if I'm gonna share with you my inner most like thought, like the things that I'm navigating and it's okay that it might not be true.
Mm-hmm. , it's okay that I'm messy, I don't have to package myself. Mm-hmm. , that's activating and scary and also exciting. Yeah,
Abby: it is. And I mean, I have. A very real time experience of this last night. , [00:14:00] let's hear it, , where I shared something that, because this is, I mean, this is a common thing for me is that I often, I kind of need to, I take in the information and, and I need to sort of sit with it in my own head before, before I start letting it out and letting out what I'm thinking and feeling.
and I started to say something last night and then I stopped it and Jameson's like, no, just tell me. I'm not gonna hold it against you. And I'm like, well, this is what's kind of frustrating for me in this situation, and these are all the things that I'm thinking about. And then when you just put it out there and you know that it's safe to do so.
Mm-hmm. , then, like you're saying, you can work through. in real time and you know, and it's something that sort of like smarts a little bit at first , but then, and then you're like, okay, okay, we're good. You know, we come back to safety. And so it's a little bit of a, an up and [00:15:00] down of being able to hold yourself through the, the fear of being super vulnerable and putting your yourself and your, your whole self out there.
Well, all the messy parts like you're saying. .
Fallon: Yeah. And like for you, and I was also the really good kid that didn't cause any trouble and I was the easy kid. So you and I have always related to that. But for you to not take it and process it, and then for you to actually be like, okay, well here's the unfiltered raw truth of what I'm feeling.
That is, that is different. You know, that is not who you're used to being, and yet the divine feminine is. Is messy and chaotic. And the fact that Jameson was like, no, tell me. Mm-hmm. the divine, masculine's holding so steady for whatever's true in this moment to be expressed. Yep. It doesn't mean it's true, like we said all the way around, but the container he held for that truth for to come out begins to liberate [00:16:00] even more.
And I'm having so much dejavu right now, I can't even tell you as we're sitting here talking and I'm look watching you on Zoom and your background all. , but it becomes even more liberated and the divine feminine gets to express herself more lawfully. Mm-hmm. , um, and not so packaged and poised, or even packaged in your rebellion too, because we, we package ourselves in very specific ways, and some of us are more rebellious, some of us are more good girls.
Mm-hmm. , but, but the raw, the raw truth gets to exist in a conscious partnership.
Abby: And
Fallon: you. You know, you get to move through a ground, like with grounded intention.
Abby: Yeah. And I wanna reflect back too that the, the packaging that we do, it's all about, we do this in a way, like it's serving as our way of still being able to be received with love.
Yes. So if you are packaging yourself a little bit right now, just know that you're doing it. You're doing it from a place of love and because you want to still be [00:17:00] loved at the end of sharing your truth and that And feel safe. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And the other thing that I was thinking as you were talking is that this doesn't just apply to.
This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. This is every partnership, every friendship, any relationship that we have in our lives that where we, you know, Fallon and I as four former good girls and people pleasers, , and, you know, peacemakers. Yeah. Where it, it gets very, it becomes very important to.
Speak your true feelings in all relationships in your life, you know, and maybe that's with your family members or with your parents, or within your friendships and maybe friendships that you've had for a long time.
Fallon: Yeah. One of the hardest times I actually had ever had speaking my truth and to, in an effort to [00:18:00] clear distortion and, and speak to feeling unseen and Unvalued was with a really good friend, my friend Tessa, and she knows this story, obviously she lived it and she's would be fine with me telling it.
Mm-hmm. , and it was many years ago. many, many years ago. I think it was 2015. But anyways, you know, she had come out to visit and just was, she was going through a lot that I didn't realize and I was six months pregnant and she came out with a group of girls and long story short, it just didn't quite go how I thought it would've gone.
Mm-hmm. and our, just to also say our friendship is absolutely beautiful and she's one of my favorite people and we're amazing and, but I had to really speak to. Hey y'all. I don't feel seen. I, you know, and I had to speak my truth and I will tell you it was, that was probably harder to speak it to a girlfriend than it, than it almost was in a partnership because there was a real fear of potential loss of a sister.
If I actually spoke to how I was feeling, if they didn't, [00:19:00] not that I needed them to agree, but at least to be witnessed and heard and then work through it, because we don't often do that with friends. Usually a friendship will just end, mm-hmm. versus how can we hold space for each other again? coming back to mm-hmm.
this might feel true for you, right? Because in the beginning when I told my girlfriends, they didn't see it. They were like, uh, we need examples. I don't, I, we disagree. Mm-hmm. , you know, and it so be, it was really challenging. Um, but it was so rewarding and it deepened the friendship and it deepened the sisterhood and it deepened the witnessing.
and the way we show up for each other now, and also the confidence that we have that will bring our truth to, to our friendship container, like the, we just know we will. Mm-hmm. , there's just no doubt that like, if there, if she ever says anything that feels rough around the edges or just not true, or I feel dismissed or not valued, I, I'll be able to speak to it and we'll be able to walk through it, you know?
Yeah. And that's rare, I think in a, in a really [00:20:00] tight
Abby: friendship and sister. Yeah. I think that's really important to bring up because Yeah, because friendships, yeah, especially female friendships. And I'm not sure about male friendships. I feel like men, men are different species. ,
Fallon: we're not gonna talk about the men.
Yeah. We, we can't speak to that.
Abby: Speak to that. Um, but yeah, I've had, I've definitely had female friendships in my life that have just ended because, and not to say that, For that reason. And maybe obviously you can also have friendships then, because some people just come and go in your life and that's okay too.
But, um, but one thing I've been thinking about this whole time ever since you talked about women being so much more easily to like wall up when, when all of the feelings start happening or they start to, you know, feel defensive and it reminded me of. Recently watching an episode [00:21:00] of She Hulk , which is a Marvel show,
Okay. And, and it is, and it's funny because the whole premise is how, you know, with the, with the Hulk character about how he like can't control his anger and how he just like, you know, he starts to feel angry and then he immediately becomes the Hulk and then he destroys all of this stuff. Hmm. And then he accidentally basically, Infects his cousin who's a woman, and he's like, okay, I'm gonna teach you all these different ways to like control your anger, blah, blah, blah.
And he's like, okay, I'm, you know, get really angry, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, yeah, I'm. , I'm good. And he's like, how are you able to control your anger so well? And she's like, dude, like I'm a woman. I have to deal with shit all day, every day. People doing dumb shit calling, like calling me names or doing all of these different things.
Mm-hmm. and like we know how to, we know how to [00:22:00] internalize that and hold it in and still get shit done. Even when, yeah. All of these things are going on around us and. I just wanna bring that, I mean, it's like a funny example, but also a true example of how we are so conditioned to just kind of bury things within ourselves instead of bringing them to the light, letting them be seen, letting them be witnessed.
and feeling safe to do so.
Fallon: Yes. And anger is not a motivator for us the way that it is for men. Mm-hmm. . So men will automatically be like, well just get angry, angry. You know? It's all my years coaching CrossFit and doing CrossFit. Um, a big thing you would hear will just get angry at the barbell. I'm like, but that does nothing for me.
I don't, I'm not motivated by anger. I know how to internalize it extremely.
Abby: I would just walk away. I'd be like, because if, yeah, because if I'm angry at the barbell, I'm walking away. Yeah.
Fallon: Because if, if, if anger was my motivator, I mean, how unsafe would I then become as a woman in the world, you know? [00:23:00] So anyways, that's a whole other topic.
But yeah, anger's not a motivator for us, but it is something that gets to be felt and expressed in, in your, in your relationships. But also, you know, I think there. . There's a, a, a beautiful harmony that gets to happen, you know, as you were talking about, like, let me take this in. Let me sit with this for a few days or a few hours mm-hmm.
before I talk about it. So there's an element of like, bring your full, authentic self and feelings. Mm-hmm. , but also not without emotional intelligence. And that's where we get to, to lean into. When we need to take a beat, right? So for me, if I'm in a trauma response and my nervous system is activated and I'm in an emotional wave, it all feels like one, it is gonna be really hard for me to play nice.
I am gonna go for the jugular. I'm, I'm probably gonna say mean things, or I'm going to want to, and it's gonna be a lot more work for me to [00:24:00] bite my tongue. And so when I'm in that, then I know I cannot communicate emotionally intelligent, and I have to be the person that says, and I did say this, I cannot communicate clearly or from a grounded place right now because I'm so pissed.
Yeah. You know, versus you weren't really activated last night, like you weren't, you know, annoyed. But you can feel the difference of like, you are still in a place to be able to express your raw truth of like, well, this really kind of annoys me and I feel like this is happening and this is happening.
This is happening. Versus, fuck you, I'm fucking gone. All I see are exit signs. Mm-hmm. , , you know, like, so there's a big difference. And, and you, we've, we are the only ones that can acknowledge when I need to take a minute so I can actually come back to this hard conversation. With emotional intelligence because I, because I love you.
Because I love me. Because I love
Abby: us, and yes, all of that. And I just wanna say too, that you [00:25:00] can also come back to it, like, you can do this in real time, or you can come back later. But like the advantage of. Of, of relating to each other in this way. Mm-hmm. is that in those moments you can say things like, like, honestly I wish that I would've said this last night.
Now that I'm thinking about it, saying things like, Hey, it's really hard for me to hear that you are disappointed in me and that feels really bad, and I'm sorry that you feel this way and I'm gonna try to do my best to, to fix it or to whatever. But just to be able to express in real time or even after the fact, how you're feeling when you hear that person say those things to you.
And if, especially if you don't know, if you don't know exactly what, like what you want to say about it yet, but you can verbalize how you're feeling about it and. [00:26:00] how the information is making you feel instead of, I think what most people's trigger is to do is jump on the offensive, I mean, yeah, jump on the offensive or defensive mm-hmm.
and just come at it and try to turn the tables, you know, a lot of fighting is turning the tables on. Well, you, well you did this thing and you did that and this made me like you, you sucked in these other circumstances, so.
Fallon: And I'm fucking amazing. I don't know if you've seen how amazing I'm showing up lately, ,
Abby: but I'm nailing life in this relationship.
I'm, yeah, I'm crushing it. So I don't know why you're so pissed right now. .
Fallon: Yeah. And no, excuse me. Emotional intelligence for me doesn't mean I don't still bring my emotions to the table. Mm-hmm. , but what it does mean is that there's a difference between me saying, fuck. . I'm like, right. That is not something I want to say or nor do I ever want to hear from somebody.
Mm-hmm. . And when I show up emotionally [00:27:00] intelligent, I'm still coming with some fire. But I'm saying it felt so rude to me that you did not do A, B, and C, D, right? Mm-hmm. . So there's still a fire, but there's not, there's still a truth and I'm still authentic in my, in my emotional self, but it's not from the wounded reactive.
Let me hurt you, um, by pushing you away with my word space and like you. Speaking to what you're feeling, and if you don't even know what you're feeling, talk about the sensations you're feeling. Mm-hmm. , like I, I'm feeling like, you know, like really flighty or my stomach is in knots right now listening to, yeah, my body
Abby: feels really tight and I don't really know what to say to that, but I just am feeling like in.
Yes. Really. You know, my heart rate in my body right
Fallon: now. Yeah. My heart rate feels elevated and I'm, I'm getting nauseous, you know, I'm sick to my stomach, so if you can't say, you know, hearing you being disappointed in me feels really shitty. Mm-hmm. to speak to the actual sensations that you're feeling mm-hmm.
um, because that will ha start [00:28:00] to, that's just acknowledging and bringing the light of awareness to the truth that is living within you in this moment. Mm-hmm. . Exactly. And yeah, and you're right. It, it goes to all relationships. You know, I'm a big conscious motherhood. Mm-hmm. , um, and, you know, motherhood, and we don't have to go too deep into it in this episode, but it will, that'll bring up, it'll mirror right back to your shadows and your inner child wounds as well.
Mm-hmm. and, you know, especially with our children, we've gotta do different, but it's a little bit easier to do. Well, it's not easier, it's just different work to show up differently in with another adult. .
Abby: Right,
Fallon: exactly. Um, and then the next piece I would like to speak to is that we actually get to co-create our relationships.
And this is something that is more new for me. Mm-hmm. in this conscious partnership of like, oh wait, how do we want this to look? How do we want this to feel moving forward, not just in conflicts, but also in like, Potential building a life together, like you and Jamison are building [00:29:00] a life together.
Mm-hmm. . And so you get to like, what are, what are your dreams? What are each of your dreams? What are your individually and together? And then let's talk about it.
Abby: Right. Exactly. I mean, it's funny because my friends, when we first started dating, um, A couple of my friends were making fun of me because we're like, yeah, we're gonna go on a hike and we're bringing our journals and we're gonna journal about like what we want for like the next year and then talk about what we wanna do together.
And they're like, you guys are going on hikes with your journals? And I'm like, um, yes. This is amazing. This is everything I've ever wanted . Right. But yeah, to be, to be able to have that experience of like, what do we wanna create together? What do we want? Life to be. What do we want our marriage to be? What do we want it to feel Like?
What? Like instead of just, I don't know. I feel like all of the marriage advice I get from other people is always like doom and gloom. It's like, ugh, you know? Husband is gonna be super [00:30:00] annoying after a certain amount of time or like we've been together for this many years, so like A, B, C, or D things don't happen anymore, or blah, blah, blah.
Mm-hmm. . And it's like, I don't think that's something you need to just accept cuz you are just, that's like with anything in life, we get to create the experience that we wanna have. We get to ask for the things that we need out of that relationship, out of life. All of the things.
Fallon: Yes. And if, and if you're not actively.
creating together, or at least talking about that stuff. Then just by default, because we're human beings, we will continue to create from our past because of our subconscious patterns. When it goes back to the subconscious brain, we will continue to create from what we know, not from what we desire. And so we, we can, you know, we do this work alone a lot, you know, you and I and our abundance work.
And our healing work, but you also in a conscious partner, Acknowledge that that energy is readily available. And the [00:31:00] potentials there as well. So why not utilize God source universe in the co-creation of your relationship as well? Mm-hmm. and like, what do we really want? And then when we are in conflict, how do we want that to look, you know?
And when this was, you know, full disclosure, this was like mine and Mr. B's first hard conversation. So we're gonna have many down the road and we both have kids from prior relationships, so there's just a lot different layers. But one thing he did that I really appreciated, and I I wanna pass this on to everybody, is he made cacao.
Before we entered into the container to talk, to have a really hard conversation, and we both spoke our intentions of what we desired. Right? It's like hiking with the journals. Mm-hmm. , these men, there's really conscious divine masculine men that actually want to share this space with you. Mm-hmm. , um, or masculine.
You know, masculine energy doesn't have to be. Right. A man specifically. Yeah. But that want to share this space with you. But a really [00:32:00] cool ritual and I think that we, we will carry through because we both really enjoyed was. The cacao grounded us. It was something to focus on. Let's speak the intentions of, we both wanna feel understood.
We want both of our truths to exist. We both wanna leave feeling understood, loved, and also with a plan in place of how maybe, you know, if there's a miscommunication, how we can acknowledge that pattern or whatever moving forward. Mm-hmm. . And so we don't just have. , like we, the conflict gets to actually also be beautiful in its own way.
Um, the co-creation of your marriage mm-hmm. gets to be really beautiful, fun and exciting. And you guys have been co-creating your marriage this, this wedding, and also your honeymoon, which every time you talk about it, it just sounds incredible.
Abby: Yes. I can't wait to go on that.
Fallon: Yeah, because you guys are going all kinds of places.
Not that you have to tell us everywhere you're going, but it sounds like a fantasy, like a dream.
Abby: Yeah. It's funny because [00:33:00] I was at a, I saw a girl this week that I've known from college and we went to a Tigers game and I haven't seen her in, I don't know. Seven or eight years. Mm-hmm. . And she was asking me about my life and she's like, oh, so you're, you know, no longer working in that company anymore.
Like, what are you doing? So I was telling her about life and she's like, oh my God. Like you're literally living your best life. Like everybody's best life. Holy shit. , you are. Yeah. Thank you . Um, but yeah, I was, when you were talking, I was just gonna say like, I love the idea of doing, The Kakao ceremony, like that's something that I've never experienced with somebody else, but something that I think is so accessible to people that are little things that we can do when we are having, when we are in conscious partnership or like if you're in specifically having a discussion or a harder conversation, [00:34:00] is being in physical contact, like actually holding hands, being physically connected or just taking a few minutes to.
Breathe with each other, like getting your nervous systems under control, like getting your body co regulate, co-regulating. But also when you breathe together, when you're breathing in unison with somebody else, you are already in like a physical rapport. So it already starts your bodies off in rapport.
So it's harder, you know, harder to do that maybe over the phone or, you know, , but if you are in, in physical proximity, just some little things that you can do to establish that the love before you even start talking to each other. Yes.
Fallon: And I believe that this can be done in long-term partnerships that are, that do have unhealthy patterns established as well.
You know, and that is also where you're gonna have to get really honest in the fact that you bring your own patterns [00:35:00] to your relationship and hire a coach. Hire a therapist, do something different because what doesn't change will stay the same. Mm-hmm. as we know. And if the same, the same is familiar and we're always gonna stay in the familiar unless we shake shit up and get the help and begin to take our, our responsibility, our own responsibility for where we're at.
So, you know, where I'm in a newer partnership, I don't want. I, I still really believe that any long-term partnership can create the conscious consciousness isn't just available for some of us. Yeah. Consciousness is really who we are. It is the awareness behind the thoughts. It is, you know, it is really God energy, so it's always available no matter if you've been together 10 years, 15, 20 years, or two weeks mm-hmm.
you get to begin to co-create something different. , if what you're living in is starting to f the, the pain is just continual. Mm-hmm. and you've just accepted the [00:36:00] pain or you know, resigned yourself to this is the way it's gonna be. What if it doesn't have to be that way? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So much more is available.
Abby: So much more is available. And that is, I think the purpose of this whole podcast is just reminding people that there's always more available to you than. Might currently be believing. Yes, yes, yes. And that's true in your life if you are currently single. It's true just on your own as a person. But it's true in your partnerships.
It's true with anything that there's always gonna be more available to you should you believe, should you allow it to be true and well.
Fallon: Yeah. And let's take a look at your life seven years ago. Would, would you have seen all of this for you? Because, I mean, Abby really lives an incredible, she's really created an incredible life, um, and one that she's very grateful for.
[00:37:00] Not one with that without its challenges and obstacles, of course, but yeah, seven years
Abby: ago, Abby. Yeah. How would you? Seven years ago. I know. I'm like, God, seven years ago, 20, um, 15. Oh, we have to math. Okay. . I'm like, when, how, how old was I? Yeah. What a young lady She was. Um, no. Back in 2015 I was living in Chicago, working a job, and I had a, a, a great life, like by all, you know, all notes on paper.
Everything was, was pretty great and I was in a relationship. Not super great relationship. We'll say that. Mm-hmm. . But like I had everything on paper in a long-term relationship, in a good job, you know, family lived close by, living in a fun city, all of these things. And was on track to be, I don't know, married soon, having kids soon, you know, mind you, this was seven years ago, just getting married, , which is great.
[00:38:00] Love it. Yeah. I love my journey. Um, and there's no way, like, there's no way before I started doing, This was before I started doing any of this work, and I can't even, I can't even fathom. Like putting myself going back in the shoes of who I was then and then fast forwarding to now seven years later. It's crazy.
It would be crazy talk to be like, oh, that, wait, but then you moved to California. I was never ever intending to move anywhere. I was from the Midwest. I was gonna stay in the Midwest till I died and, but then I moved to California and I lived there and. Left a job. I created a new one. I started coaching. I met the guy well, had a lot of fun with in the dating part too.
then met the guy. Yeah, you did. I love her dating stories. Had a great time with that. You traveled around the world. You [00:39:00] traveled around the world with, with Jamon and we are living just nomadically and just getting to go see family and friends when we. Living in beautiful places, living in Europe, living, going on our honeymoon in South Africa, going on safari, going to Paris, going to Rio, going to Uruguay, Argentina.
It's like I tell people what I'm doing and they're like, what , I can't even keep your, I can't keep your life straight or you're traveling. I'm like, listen. You don't need to . Yeah, .
Fallon: I'd send my calendar. I know, I'm always like, Abby, where are you today? , what is, wh where are you? And for how long are you there?
So I know, cuz you know, Abby and I speak quite often and, and share a really beautiful friendship. And also, I mean, I've gotten pictures, random pictures from her like, oh hey, just hopping on a private flight to, where did you guys go? Was it South Florida or the Key West? Bahamas. She's on like a private jet.
And I'm
Abby: like, what? No, we flew from The Bahamas. One of Jamison's friends has a [00:40:00] plane and he flew us to The Bahamas for the day. Just like, you know, as one does, as one just
Fallon: gets on flight for the day. Just a day trip, you know, but's.
Abby: But it's crazy. It's like these are the things where I'm like, there's no way.
Like I, yeah, I didn't even know what was available. , I just knew that I was available for more and I put in almost like the barest of desires out there. It's like I wanted to travel the world. I wanted like a guy who was gonna wanna travel with me. I wanted, you know, I could, we we're gonna go into manifesting in a whole other episode of how do we, how do we do this?
But the, I mean, but the whole point of that is just to say you won't even know. You won't even be able to scratch the surface of what's available until you start, until you kind of kick the door open a little bit to start letting those possibilities in. So even if you don't know exactly what it is, if you're just like, show me some examples of what else could be out there for me.
Mm-hmm. , or, I'd love to see what [00:41:00] else is available. That
Fallon: right there is a powerful fucking statement to the universe. Just delight me. Delight me. God will bring in, God will bring in examples for you, yeah. Right away to show you, hey, this is, this is available. And, you know, while I'm not ju sitting around the world by any means, , um, the, the life that I'm living today, I remember telling a girlfriend, oh, Tessa, who I mentioned in this episode already, um, last fall, I think it was, I don't remember when it was, but it was in the last year.
And I remember saying, I used to dream about this. Mm-hmm. , I used to dream about this for my daughter and I, and she said, because you're li you're living in your miracle. Yes. And ever since then, I have done so much more work and not like hard work, but just remembering that each step in this life is my miracle.
Mm-hmm. , you know, [00:42:00] I have a house that I love. I prayed for a healing sanctuary. I prayed for a new or updated home for my daughter and I. . Oh my God. That's what I'm living. Mm-hmm. , I prayed and asked, you know, a bonus would be to have some running water in the backyard. The water, a little creek or a stream.
Mm-hmm. . I have a fucking creek in my backyard running through my backyard. This, that's not like a common thing in these parts. Like I live in Florida, but no, people don't have, they have swimming pools. Sure. Mm-hmm. , but not creeks. I have a beautiful creek running through my backyard. And, um, and then to be able to be in a relationship that is healthy relating.
Mm-hmm. all, oh my gosh. That is activating in itself to be like, wait a second. This is so healthy and grounding and calm. Where's the chaos? And
Abby: you found it 20 minutes away from you when 20 . You've been like, there's a man like this who exists here. What?
Fallon: Yeah. Yes. Thank you for bringing that up, because that was something else.
I had just kind of been like, there's no way that there's the depth of the man that I'm looking for that lives in [00:43:00] Pensacola. Not what I'm like, there's great men, and I had been on quite a few great dates. Mm-hmm. not enough to wanna go on second and third dates, but like, oh. Proof and evidence that there were really good men, because that's what I asked for.
Show me good men. Yes. Show me, show me that, you know, so, because I, so I didn't have the, the horror dating stories as much mm-hmm. , um, from the dating apps that so many people do, but literally I'm like, they, there's just no way he exists. And then God was like, 20 minutes away, this will
Abby: show, lemme me show you what I can do.
Fallon: Let me show you. Yeah. So there's so much available for you and you know, we kind of got off a little bit, but also the conscious partnership and conscious relationships are right here. and you can create one in the relationship that you're in. You can begin that in your parenthood journey. Becoming more, more of a conscious parent.
You can start with your friendships and then also there is so [00:44:00] much goodness available. And you and I are women of our work. Mm-hmm. . So these, you know, our men, our divine masculine men are our own evidence. of the work that we did to heal from being in toxic relationships and taking responsibility for our part in participating in that.
And not that what they did was right, but also that we, you know, at one time were okay. That's what we accepted as all that we were, we were, that we could get mm-hmm. .
Abby: So, and at the core of, of conscious partnership is knowing. that you're worthy of. Mm-hmm. , having the kind of relationship that you want and knowing, deciding the kind of love that you wanna have, how you wanna be treated, how you wanna be witnessed, how you wanna show up for that person, because it's not just about you, it's about how you take care of them too, and how they take care of you.
How you've lift [00:45:00] each other up, support each other, but at the, at the basis of all of it is your. worthiness that you get to have that. You get to have that love and that respect that you
Fallon: want and yeah. And you don't have to wait till you feel fully ready and worthy, but you do get to continue to honor your sacred yeses.
Mm-hmm. . And every time you say yes to where more no lives. So if somebody does something and you're like, Ooh, that really. There's a no. That's a hard no for me, but you continue to exist and move forward in it because you're afraid that nothing else will come along, is only gonna delay. The goodness that is really waiting for you.
Mm-hmm. And the conscious partnership too. The worthiness. Yes. And stay open to love. Mm-hmm. , like, just stay open. Like keep, do breast massage, do heart massage. You know, really practice making love and spending love with yourself and staying open to love mm-hmm. . Um, and [00:46:00] start to see what really comes into your field.
I mean, you know, Abby came into my field. You know, we haven't, maybe not, is it two years now that we've known each other? Yeah. Almost. It was
Abby: October, September or October of 2020. Yeah.
Fallon: You know, so doing, doing that inner work and staying open to love brings in conscious partnerships, relationships. Mm-hmm.
in all really beautiful ways. Yep. Exactly. And here we are two years later. Yeah. We wouldn't have seen that.
Abby: No, no. But when you're open, things start showing themselves to you. Mm-hmm. . Hmm. Well, I think that's it for today.
Fallon: Yes. We would love to hear about your journey in conscious relating mm-hmm. . Um, any other tips that you might, you feel like we might have missed that you'd like any, you know, tag us.
Yes. Um,
Abby: talk to us. [00:47:00] Let us know what you thought. Let us know. What you're thinking or if there are any aha moments that kind of pop up for you as you're listening to both of our experiences, and if you have any questions, we'd love to answer them. Absolutely. We love you. We love you .