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"We often get discouraged because we wake up and realize that we're on a path or in a race that's headed to a finish line, but it may not be the one that we actually want to cross.""You have to ...simply decide on any given day, in any given moment, or in any given season, what you're not going to pay attention to or that you're going to pay less attention to."
Join co-hosts Kat Lee, mom next door, and Laura Wilkinson, Olympic Gold Medalist, as we help you understand how to reach your goals, big or small. Whether you are winning a World Championship or decluttering your kitchen cabinets, we interview people who have gotten it done and break down the mindset shifts, processes and systems that got them to the finish line. Ultimately, our goal is to help you reach yours so that you can be our next guest on the Hello Goals Show.
[00:00:00] So my bigger goal is just to declutter and to only keep what I need and what the people that live after me will want.
I cannot do it all today. So I'm starting with a dresser in my bedroom and I didn't even finish it last weekend, but I got through two piles and just seeing half of a clean dresser is super motivating for me.
Hey, this is Kat Lee
And I'm Laura Wilkinson and this is the Hello Goals podcast.
in today's show, we are diving deep with author and speaker Chrystal Evans Hurst about the surprising role of failure and how we balance perfectionism with grace as we pursue our goals from launching her very first app to just decluttering her home, Chrystal shares some wisdom that she's learned along the way about setting and reaching our goals, both big and small.
Let's dive in.
Chrystal Hurst. Because we're a goal-oriented podcast, we really want to hear about your goals, big or small.
We wanna know about a goal that you have set for yourself that you've [00:01:00] accomplished and you feel proud of.
I know we were talking before we started recording about big and little goals, so I'll share one of each if that's okay.
So, a big goal that I'm currently really proud of is that I just launched an app. And I have been talking about launching an app for three years. it's been delayed by me, delayed by my developer, just delayed because the world has been making me delayed.
But it's in the world. It's currently members only, but I'll allow it to have a public feature soon. But it just feels pretty monumental to be able to say, in this world, I have my own app. So I'm really excited about that.
But I will tell you that
am probably more excited by this. So,
I'm in a constant state of decluttering because paper continues to come in the door, and so I have this really random, probably silly goal
cleaning off the chest of drawers in my bedroom.
it becomes a catchall for stacks of papers because if I have guests on the kitchen table where my piles are, when they come over, I [00:02:00] take the pile and I go in my room and put it on the dresser. 'cause I think I'll get back to it later. And then I never get back to it. And so it just looks terrible and my oldest daughter, who's now 33, she, she tells me I'm a hoarder. And I'm like, no, I'm not. But then if I ever watch any of the hoarding shows, I'm like, this is probably how it starts.
So I'm like, if I, I need to nip this in the bud. My mother passed away and I never forget. I was looking for something and went into her attic and the attic was clean. Clean. There were two things in there that made me cry.
the rocking chair that I sat in when I was two or three years old, and the rocking horse, my daughter, the oldest granddaughter sat in when she was two or three years old.
Apart from that, it was clean. Now that's not my memory of the attic. The attic space was where we stick everything. It was always full of the, the seasonal things and the, the pot that we don't use and the duck that was a part of the one motif that then she moved away. I mean, it was just. Crazy town in there, and you had to go in there and look for everything.
Well, she cleaned it out and now I remember why, because when her brother had died a few [00:03:00] years before, it was unexpected and she and a few siblings went to go clean out his apartment and she came back from that trip and she said it was horrible.
Going through his things, not knowing where anything was, not knowing what was important or not, and she said, I just don't ever wanna leave anybody in that position.
So I didn't know. I had a few hints over years. She would say, Hey y'all, I'm giving some things away. If you want it, come get it. But you know. I didn't realize it was like that.
So when she passed away and it was clean, it is a gift to her children for us not to have to clean those things out. So I've been thinking, I'm 52.
I hope I live another 30 or 40 years.
But I think about my daughter who's 33. She has five children from nine to almost a year. If something were to happen to me unexpectedly, this would not be fair to her.
So I have been on a mission to, the bigger mission is just decluttering in general. We have moved boxes three times, so they're obviously not that important 'cause they're still in boxes, but [00:04:00] somehow, right.
I still wanna go through them. So my bigger goal is just to declutter and to only keep
what I need and what the people that live after me will want.
I cannot do it all today. So I'm starting with a dresser in my bedroom and I didn't even finish it last weekend, but I got through two piles and just seeing half of a clean dresser
is super motivating for me.
That's awesome. We had a similar issue when was pregnant, so we were having to clean out a room to make it into a baby's room, and there was a box in there that had literally been sitting in there for like 10 years. I was like, I don't even know what's in this box.
Maybe we should just throw it away just as is, and not even look. But I couldn't do that. So I looked and it was all my national team warmups from like 10, 15 years of competing. So I took them, there was a visiting team, and I took the whole box to the pool and just gave them away to everybody because I was like, I'm never gonna wear these.
But it was this big gift to those people who were there. And now I just have all of my children's things piled in [00:05:00] my room. But, you know, I can relate to that. And what, what a cool gift and a thoughtful gift that your mom gave you in doing that, that's pretty special.
And I love how you gave it away because I think we, discount and throwing away is not bad, but we discount how something that no longer has used to us can be of use to someone else. And, but you just gotta, you gotta get it out of your house for it to be a benefit to somebody else.
Exactly.
guys, I feel a little called out right now. I have lanyards from, when I worked at KSBJ 25 years ago from concerts that I worked at. I'm like, I can't get rid of those. So Chrystal, obviously you're just starting with this one dresser, but it feels like an overwhelming, daunting project.
It is.
How, I mean, how do you get yourself to just focus on one spot and not be overwhelmed by the whole thing?
Well, listen, it's hard because,
I mean, I talked about the dresser, but all those papers [00:06:00] that were on the dresser, if they weren't to be recycled or tossed they needed to be put away. So of course the, you know, it's the, it's the grand game we play of, okay, I'm trying to organize this one spot, but in order to organize it, I have to go into another spot.
And so I did actually go into a room and there were a couple of boxes that had been there, and I ended up cleaning out the boxes. So it led me to another room to get some work done. But I had to constantly say, girl, don't start cleaning up this room. Don't go in over here.
Like just.
you did the one box, be satisfied.
Go back to the dresser in your room.
So I think, you know that just kind of reminding myself about
the thing I'm going to focus on. And, um, now I'm a Pomodoro person. my daughter is convinced that I have ADD and I don't know that I would agree with her except she keeps sending me these TikTok videos and I'm like, I do do that.
And so diagnosed by TikTok,
okay.
for, for people listening that don't know what Pomodoro is. Tell us [00:07:00] what
Pomodoro is.
this is what I'll say. It's just a timer system where you, you make a decision to rotate through tasks. And so if I say for 20 minutes I'm gonna clean out a room to say I'm gonna do it today may be daunting. But if I just say it's only 20 minutes, so after 20 minutes I'll get to take a break.
So, I'll reward myself with a five minute or 10 minute break after the first 20 with something I want to do. So maybe I'll read, you know, a few pages in a book, or maybe I'll get on the phone with a friend, or maybe I'll go and get some dark chocolate almonds from my refrigerator, like whatever it is.
And then I can rotate through a third thing if I want. But eventually I'm gonna go back to
a 20 minute run for the thing that I was doing. And so if I'm studying or writing, it won't be 20 minutes. I like to do like, people say 30 minutes, but I can't write anything good in 30 minutes. If it's gonna be good, I need like an hour.
So I'll have an hour and then maybe I'll give myself a 15 minute break, go fold some laundry, change my laundry over, maybe then I'll make a phone call, schedule an appointment, do some work, check something off an asana, and then I'll go back and make another hour. So dividing those [00:08:00] tasks up into smaller pieces makes the pieces feel doable.
And then also balancing them out with other things I want to do or need to do keeps me moving. So I don't, I don't lose interest or, lose energy or motivation for the task at hand, but working to come back to it is hard.
but coming back to it is how you get, how you feed the motivation. Because if I move to the other room and start working in there, and then that leads me to a third room. I have nothing finished. And satisfaction is a big part of meeting your goals, the satisfaction that you're moving towards them?
Well, I love this and I think this will play into what I'm about to ask you, but
I know that you are a homeschool mom.
right? Yeah, and I, I homeschool my kids, and I try to work out of the house and you, like, I, when I look at your website and all the things that you do, I'm like, okay, these are all the things I'm trying to do, but I feel like,
Like your dresser, like it's all just piled up
you know, in these different areas. And I'm never quite
to the 20 [00:09:00] minutes of it, like how do you
do this with your life stuff other than just stuff, stuff in the house, but like how do you do this with life and kids and work and the whole crazy juggling act
How, how do I clean my house or how do I
achieve goals.
Yes. Achieve life goals.
Oh my goodness. Well, I saw this post and I saved it. I was like, I might use the reel and do it, do something over it. But Shonda Rhimes was speaking somewhere and it was just in my feed, and she said,
ask me how I do it all. But the thing is, I don't,
and usually if you see me succeeding in one area of my life, I'm failing in another.
So.
My kids are home for spring break. I have two college kids and they're home.
I was supposed to send out an email on Monday. I didn't,
this weekend I spent time lounging because I could,
and I was watching, getting caught up on
Paradise on Hulu Oh my gosh.
I'm not even a TV watcher and I just had to suck in all eight episodes in 48 hours.
I was doing this with [00:10:00] my kids and I allowed myself to sleep and I allowed myself to take the phone call and I've been.
Sitting in
decisions to be a little slower,
So that means between my family, me being slower, my Monday email didn't go out.
I finished writing it this morning before I jumped on this interview with you all, and I'm sitting here and going, girl, get your act together. You sent out a Monday email for years.
I can do that. But then I won't enjoy breakfast with my kids on Monday morning and they're home.
So I think we have to relegate to the fact that something will be done less well and you are shifting focus, and making peace with that. And so, homeschooling my kids,
I did it really well in some years, and then I had no friends.
and now in the season of my life I'm like, yeah, y'all, y'all got it. So, you know, it's like I've outsourced more of the homeschooling than, I have in previous years.
I, I think making peace with that. I'd never had a clean house.
but I had great [00:11:00] meals and I, my kids remember me playing on the floor with them and doing things, but my house was never clean.
now my house is clean, but. My emails aren't written.
You know what I mean? So I just, I just think we have to make peace with that and we have to decide
by day
gets my attention today. there are days I'm not gonna be
most engaged mom,
because I'm engaging with something else that I feel like is important
my kids can learn for one or two days to live without an engaged mom.
I would tell my children,
E every day between two and four.
you had your time with me this morning, I need my time to myself this afternoon.
come up to me and I would feel terrible, but I'd be like, mm-hmm.
Is this talk? This is talkable after quiet time. And it felt bad, you know, to be home.
They're looking at me like, Nope, don't talk to me because I'm not doing anything. But having my quiet time, reading my book, writing my blog, you know, watching something on YouTube, and I was like, Nope,[00:12:00]
it has to wait until four.
So
you have to decide to fail
and you simply decide on any given day,
in any given moment, or in any given season, what you're not going to pay attention to or that you're going to pay less attention to.
Hmm.
that's hard
It's hard
so wise.
and, and, and it's hard, and you will constantly feel like you're failing.
Mm-hmm.
don't know of any mother. Homeschool work school. You go to school, the mom is in school. It doesn't matter. I don't know of any mother who feels like she's winning.
Mm-hmm.
I think that the seeds of motherhood that we plant,
we wait to see what blossoms and also we plant based on wisdom so the old people had,
the Farmer's Almanac, you know,
they would read that to figure out what gets planted now.
And then they plant it.
And nothing happens[00:13:00]
and you just have to wait for it to come back up. But you did plant in wisdom, right? And so there is wisdom to be had. We, we know that, people need time, they need FaceTime, they need love, they need food.
They're like plants. They need water. They need, you know, fiber. They need all these different things.
And you're basing that on wisdom. So you read the mommy books and you ask other moms, and I would go
to a homeschool co-op
I had to be there all day. If my kids had classes. I was like, can I just drop them off?
And I didn't. But I was so grateful
my kids were in classes, 'cause I could not drop them off, I had to sit in the gym
with other moms. And I used that time to pull it in. I learned how to bake bread. I learned how to develop my schedule. I
was talking to moms about praying.
I learned
what to
that mattered for homeschool, what to let go.
I sat there and just soaked it up
and so
did all the things and
we didn't finish all the books
and, and
I helpethehim too much. Sometimes I helped them [00:14:00] too little often. I said no,
I felt behind. I felt like the world was passing me by.
But I was planting with wisdom.
Hmm.
my daughter, we had knocked down drag outs over writing.
and I remember I'm a perfectionist. It is what it is. I remember telling her.
you turned it in. This is a B,
but we're gonna keep working on it until it's an A. And she's like, I'm never gonna be a writer like you.
You want me to be you.
You know, you just need to, lemme, I'm artistic. I'm not this, I'm not that. And I said, True
However, for better or for worse, God gave me to you as your mom. So this is what I think is important.
I've had teachers that thought things were important. I did not agree with them, but I still had to take their class.
Well, my daughter is now an author
in the front of her book, I wish I had it in front of me. She said something about the late night grammar sessions.
Hmm.
wasn't planning on her being a writer. I wasn't trying to make [00:15:00] her a writer. I was simply
planting the seeds that I had
praying over them and saying Lord now it's up to you to make them grow I just wanted her to be a person of excellence I wanted her to finish things to at least know what an A is
So
do everything right.
back and.
See how I could have done things better. But what I will say, and I, I'm borrowing this from my grandmother, four children,
two with doctorate degrees, one secretary with the same pastor for 30 years, and one son who struggled with substance addiction his whole life.
And I ask her, when you look back,
what did you do to get the two doctors? And what do you think didn't happen
with the other one?
son that struggled his whole life? And she put her head to the side and she said. You know,
and I, and I also said, and do you have any regrets?
She said, you know, [00:16:00] I don't have any regrets.
I think in every season
I didn't get it right,
but I did the best I could with the information that I had.
And I think it's, if as a mother you are doing the best you can with the information that you have, that has to be enough. And here's the reason why. 'cause your kids, no matter what you do, or no matter how good you are, are gonna need therapy.
Like, go ahead, make a deposit, set up an account, tell 'em this is your therapy start. Because we are not perfect people. Like we're not, you know what I mean? Like, so somewhere along the way, even if they think we're the best mother ever,
they will be able to point out our faults.
So stressing over, getting it all right is a, is an unworthy.
It's an unworthy venture because
you can do is commit yourself to prayer. Commit yourself to God's word because he does give us information for parenting.
did not give your kid a specific [00:17:00] manual. You have to depend on God for what you need to know for each kid,
but he also gives us wisdom.
There are books to read, podcasts to listen to women to follow. I followed and listened to and loved Sally Clarkson. For years. I had other homeschool mothers who I would call for wisdom.
I mean,
And then you show up and you do the best you can, and then with all of that.
you're still gonna feel like you're coming up a little short.
So you just learn to live with a little sense of failure, knowing that the gift of failure is that you learn to live looking for God to fill the gap. You could never fill on your own.
I'm curious because you did mention that you are a perfectionist, and yet you are also talking about so much grace that you've given yourself. you've spoken to this a little bit, but that's, that's a huge balance there. That's something that so
so many people, so many women, so many moms, especially anybody who's listening to a Hello [00:18:00] Goals podcast is going to struggle with, they're a perfectionist, and yet they can't be perfect. And the whole. Key that you've been talking about is just, you know, keep going. You, you come back to that, that dresser and declutter it a little bit more. You come back to being a great mom today or focusing on speaking today or whatever. How do you balance that? What are some
done to help you balance that?
well, every knot should be able to be untied. And if I am wound too tight where I cannot untie myself, then that is my signal to let go. I can feel it in my body. It brings unnecessary stress. It makes me unnecessarily, tight and taught with other people around me. It makes me inflexible because life requires flexibility. It renders me in able to pivot and life requires pivots. The seasons will change, and often when we don't expect them to. So if you find that the level of perfectionism or rigidity does not [00:19:00] allow you to shift in ways that allow you to live well and live full
learn to loosen the tie.
So I've lived long enough to know that about myself and, I'm an extreme personality also. So the challenge for me is to not
walk with untied shoe laces. It's like, ah, don't worry about it. It'll be all right. And you just, I'm tripping over myself. there is a 45 mile an hour that exists between zero and 80, and I try to live there.
That is what requires the most effort. But what that looks like for me is.
If I have set aside a weekend, I'm a weekend writer, and so I try to write a little bit, keep some notes, capture my thoughts,
but I like to write deeply. If I'm writing a book on the weekend, I like to go on a Friday night
just to unwind, check my email, do some things, read some books, start my engine Saturday morning.
I try to start between five or 6:00 AM get my favorite Starbucks drink, you know, call a friend, loosen up, play my music, and then just dive in and let the words come. If I've sat there from Saturday [00:20:00] from 6:00 AM and it's now one, and I have 1100 words, that ain't good. I was supposed to get in here and have at least 2,500, maybe 5,000 if I'm really doing it.
You know what I'm saying? Like
it feels. Like I'm failing because I've set myself up for success. I checked all of my boxes. I do the things that work for me, and the words are not coming.
I can sit there and squeeze it out and stay until 7:00 PM and I've done that,
or I can realize that that's probably all I have today and get up and go home and do my laundry and love all my family. So squeezing to the last drop, which often rigidity and perfectionism requires, is not always the most productive way to live. And because I've learned that
that sometimes I needed a little grace, a little space
for things to continue to go well,
I relax.
If I meant to make, which I did the other day, my amazing beef ribs in the crockpot, but I didn't have some of the ingredients I [00:21:00] thought I did, I forgot something. I didn't check the Instacart order. He, he had to substitute. There was no substitute. I can be like, oh my gosh, and get in my car and go to the store and get that ingredient.
Or I can get on all recipes and find something that works for the, for the thing I have and try something new and have less stress and angst and be more present with my family. I've learned to let myself off the hook. What is the end Will, I get to the end goal if I loosen this knot a little bit because if I don't, then you have to come through and cut them
and
cutting it is not what we want to have to do
So much intention. Yeah. There's so much intentional thinking in what you do even on your
day to day, and I love that, but it's,
exhausting sometimes, right? Taking all your thoughts captive and making sure they're like aligning with, with what your priorities are or what your goal is. But, but I love that you are talking about the gift of failure and, and that it's just a necessary part and it's something we have to embrace and walk through.
And as an athlete and someone who [00:22:00] coaches athletes, I'm always talking about failure. Like it's not fun. We don't like to talk about it, we don't like to experience, it doesn't feel good,
it's necessary to move, move forward, and to learn, right? And to gain that wisdom like. Failure's a big part of the process, but nobody wants to talk about it or admit that they're going through it.
So it's refreshing. Somebody like you is, is talking about how.
and necessary that is. So thank you for that.
Yeah. Well, I, I think if we.
Compassion for ourselves and for other people comes from failure.understanding about what's possible, even when we don't check every box comes from failure. Expanding our capacity to wait. On a result that we had hoped would come sooner. patience, which is a great gift for building things that often requires failure.
So we miss out on strength building experiences when we don't welcome failure. And so, as a perfectionist, and, and listen, I, I claim that because[00:23:00]
makes me amazingly great at things. The fact that I am willing to get something done and get it done right,
it means I'll go further than a lot of people are willing to go and get results that other people aren't willing to get.
So I don't reject perfectionism like a lot of people do, because it's this, you know, toxic trait. No, I think every trait can be a good trait if it's used to the right degree in the right way and at the right time.
I've just recognized that living tight.
the time nonstop is not effective.
need to know when to tighten and when to loosen, and that knowledge has come with time and failure and age.
That's so good because ultimately you're keeping the end goal in mind and you're not getting caught up. You know, I know athletes a lot of times talk about, well, I'll just trust the process. But there's that balance between getting caught up in doing the process perfectly and losing sight of that end goal, and then just kind of letting everything fall apart.
But you're keeping that end goal in mind, pursuing perfection, but at the same time recognizing that failure is even [00:24:00] part of the process of getting to that end goal.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
thank you so much for being with us today and for, for sharing your, your journey. I, I know that whether people listening are trying to declutter and get their papers in order and getting stuff in order for their kids or they're trying to, you know, maybe create an app.
Has it really just been three years that you've been working on an app? It feels like we've been talking about that for, for a long time. And so it's, it's a big day. It's a big day and I
It's a big day. Thank you. Thank you. Well, listen, what a fun podcast. I mean, when I start geeking out about goal setter, goal setting, productivity. I love it all.
And, you know, my audience is great and I talk about a lot of different things, but I have the most fun talking about goal setting and productivity.
I mean, my goodness, I have a whole planner, so this, like, this is my jam. So what a fun podcast to have to be able to talk about this all the time. Thanks so much for having me and inviting me into this space.
Well, where can people find you? Your book, your planner, all your stuff? 'cause y'all, Chrystal [00:25:00] is the queen of goal setting. I mean, we literally talk about it all the time and you're just gonna find so many incredible resources. So where can people find
Sure, sure. Well, my website is ChrystalEvansHurst.com and then everywhere on social I'm @ChrystalHurst, so you can find everything I have in any one of those two places. If you wanna go direct for the book that I most recently released, 100 Days to Discovering the Gift of You, you can get anywhere books are sold.
Awesome. Thanks for being on the podcast, Chrystal.
again for having me.
What an amazing episode. I hope y'all enjoyed Chrystal as much as we did. I would love to hear some of your takeaways from this episode. So look us up on Instagram. We are HelloGoalsShow on Instagram Also be sure to check out our website HelloGoals.org, where you can sign up for our newsletter. We'll be sending out some really amazing resources to y'all in the coming weeks Thank you so much for joining us this week. Remember, our goal here is to help you reach yours so you can be the next guest on the Hello Goals podcast. [00:26:00]