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The Space Between – Heaven on Earth is a companion podcast to Awakening – Heaven on Earth.
Through intimate, heart-centered conversations, this series explores the lived experience of awakening — the questions, integrations, paradoxes, and sacred pauses where transformation truly occurs.
This is the space between knowing and becoming…
where Heaven meets Earth through honest dialogue.
Welcome to the space between heaven on earth. This is a companion podcast to awakening heaven on earth created as a space for reflection, conversation, and lived experience. Here, we enter the pause between knowing and becoming, between insight and embodiment, between heaven and earth. These conversations are not about answers or conclusions. They are about presence, about listening, about reasoning together, about meeting one another honestly in the unfolding journey of awakening.
Jeffrey Aylor:I'm your host, Jeffrey Aylor. Again, welcome and thank you for entering The Space Between with us. Welcome to this episode of the space between. In our last episode, we explored the awakening within the inner shift that begins when our perception changes, and today we're going to take the next step. We're actually going to explore what it means to live from that awareness, that position of understanding, and this episode is called Choosing Unity Daily.
Jeffrey Aylor:Letting love lead because awakening as meaningful of an experience as it is doesn't live only in reflection. It shows up in the choices that we make every single day in how we respond, how we listen, how we treat ourselves, and how we treat others. And I'm grateful to be joined today by my son Joel and my dear friend Joe Dermody as we explore what it actually looks like to bring unity into our daily life. So to begin with, just like we've done in most of our other episodes, I want to stop and just ask each one of you when you think about choosing Unity Daily, what's that look like in your life right now?
Joe Dermody:Oh, so choosing Unity Daily. I I find myself more and more thinking of everybody more and more as a piece of me. It becomes easier to interact with everybody if you start thinking of them as a small piece of yourself. How would I like to be treated and then treat them that way? It it helps me be kinder.
Joe Dermody:It helps me be more empathetic. It helps me get into their shoes easier. And then it it's just part of the golden rule, really. It makes me, you know, treat one you know, treat others as you wanna be treated. And that's how I am trying to live my life.
Joe Dermody:It's how I would love to see everybody live theirs. So it's kinda leading by example. So
Jeffrey Aylor:you see them as an extension of yourself?
Joe Dermody:Absolutely. And then I see myself as an extension of them as well. Right. Because in in my Those thoughts that's yeah. In my thoughts, that's what unity
Jeffrey Aylor:is. Right? So
Joel Aylor:If for me, it's it's a it helps me not to be as judgmental. To see myself so, basically, to to judge someone is to see myself as separate from them. So it helps me to kinda take a step back and and realize that we're all in this together. I start to see the how we're connected to the earth, how we're connected to each other, how everything seamlessly works together when you take a step back and realize or pay attention to it. So yeah.
Jeffrey Aylor:Well, you know, when I when I think of this, I've I've I've obviously had to change a lot because of this belief. I I was very judgmental. I didn't realize how judgmental I really was.
Joel Aylor:Me as well on a lot of different life experiences. Right. Looking back at it, realizing I basically just judged that person, and there was no excuse for that.
Jeffrey Aylor:Well, it got to the point where, you know, I'm right. They're wrong. I want to be right, and it's more important that I'm right than it is that we be in a that we be able to get along with each other even though we may be different. And I'm learning that different is okay. Sometimes I have to stop.
Jeffrey Aylor:I'll still be honest. I mean, to be very transparent, it's not always easy. But to stop and just think, and we're gonna get into this because it's one of the questions that we'll touch on, but to stop and think before I respond just instinctively to what they say or what they do and try to to at least comprehend. Okay. Now why why is why are they coming this way?
Jeffrey Aylor:Why why why am I having this conversation? Or why am I seeing or experiencing this? Has been quite eye opening to me. And Again, we're all one. Which is what Unity is all about, and if I if if I recognize that they really are me and I'm just seeing elements of myself in them.
Jeffrey Aylor:It tends to be much easier for me to be understanding, to be empathetic. Joe, you think you used that term empathetic, which is That's one of those. That's one of those feelings. I mean, I I'm pretty naturally empathic. And you have to be very careful sometimes because you can take all kinds of people's feelings on your excuse me on yourself.
Jeffrey Aylor:And and not have boundaries. So I've had to learn how to have boundaries. I think that's been, you know, quite an important part of the whole process and the whole experience. But I'm finding that it makes life so much more enjoyable to to experience it as as a from a unified point or perspective. So as we move into these questions, I just want to make sure we.
Jeffrey Aylor:Set the intention that this in no way is this meant to define the right way to live that this is right, and if you're doing anything different than what we're talking about, it's wrong. We never want to imply that all we're doing is sharing our experiences, our thoughts and our perspectives about our experience. And we just simply want to notice what are the small moments where awareness is inviting us to choose different than what we may have done in the past without this particular understanding or this particular perspective. So unity, it often isn't found in great big decisions. It's found in small things.
Jeffrey Aylor:A lot of small things that we experience from day to day, ordinary moments as we move through the day. So as we go into these these reflection questions, the very first one is really going to talk about everyday awareness. So where in your daily life do you most notice opportunities to choose how you're gonna respond rather than just react automatically?
Joel Aylor:Yeah. Like you said, I noticed in the in the smallest, most ordinary moments of life, Conversations with friends, coworkers, inner little interruptions here and there. I've got two young girls, and they're they're constantly wanting to show me something or do something. And when things aren't going the way I want them to or the way I expect them to, that's a big one for me. Someone who's very logically minded and wants to get things done in a certain way in a certain order when things don't go as planned or have to be patient because I'm waiting on someone else to do their part.
Joel Aylor:I I noticed in those moments, awareness of basically how how can I respond to this or how can I handle this this situation better or not react to it and not let it ruin my day because I'm still waiting on something to be done? So there's usually that split second where I either can react from habit, where I'm gonna be frustrated and react and say something and sometimes say something I shouldn't irritate somebody because I'm so frustrated? Or can I respond from awareness and and realize that it's okay? This isn't that important. Realize that the this whole thing is kind of a game.
Joel Aylor:It's not it's not serious. Not It's meant to be taken so seriously, and that's something I've had to really, really work on because I've always been a very serious person. Everything was always always the end of the world if it didn't go the way I wanted it to or or I had didn't meet my expectations, I had to really learn how to let that go so that I wasn't so stressed. Because when I was younger, if if I wasn't stressed about something, I I would stress about that.
Jeffrey Aylor:There's counseling for that, by the way. Yeah.
Joe Dermody:So I I started I I started this scrolling through social media, because I used to get so upset scrolling through social media posts. I'm like, this is ridiculous. How can you think this? That's crazy. And then I stopped, and I started thinking, wait a minute.
Joe Dermody:Why are you thinking this? And I would I would dive deeper into it, and I'd start looking from both sides. And it's it's fascinating. It it really opened my mind. And I I really started learning a lot because it it allowed me to stop and see things from both perspectives.
Joe Dermody:And I think that I've grown a lot because of that, and that was the first step. But now now it happens when I'm talking to people as well. It it it allows me to pause. And before I make that judgmental leap, I I stop and I think, wait a minute. That's that's a very old way of thinking for me.
Joe Dermody:Stop and think about where they're coming from, and, don't don't speak before you think. And I just find that liberating now because it keeps me out of trouble for one. It keeps me from being hot headed, I guess, and keeps me calm, which is really liberating. It's I find that I'm a lot happier of a person now that I'm not getting sparked and angry all the time, which is very refreshing. It's it's truly nice.
Jeffrey Aylor:It's a great byproduct. Right? It is. Yeah. Yeah.
Jeffrey Aylor:You know, I know for me, I've I've had to learn to stop and say, okay. What am I supposed to learn from this? I know I don't know everything. I know that people have different perspectives, and there's a reason why they believe the way they do, and I have to sometimes just at that point stop and say, okay, everything is a learning opportunity. What am I supposed to learn from this, and why am I experiencing it?
Jeffrey Aylor:I mean, that's why I'm experiencing it, And I've come to the understanding that lessons will continue. The universe will continue to give you the lesson until you learn it. And the best thing in the world is to learn a lesson as quickly as possible so that it stops, right? All those prompting stop. And so I'm finding that in order to have peace in order to have joy, and to love unconditionally, a lot of times I have to stop and just say, okay, what is there in this for me to learn?
Jeffrey Aylor:And then why, you know, what is it about that person? Or what is it about this situation that I don't understand and I need to understand? And I'm finding that to your point, and I think it's a great point, Joe. It's all about learning. What am I to learn from this?
Jeffrey Aylor:And the more I learn, the more situational I can be. When I'm when I'm when I'm confronted with different things, I'm more experienced and have a better chance of saying, okay, and and this goes back to a concept called situational awareness. Okay, let me let me assess this situation more effectively and discern what's happening, not judge, but discern so that I can make the most effective and most appropriate decisions that I can about what I'm experiencing and what they're experiencing and and why we might be at this point that we're at at that time. And, you know, just fine being gracious. It allows us to be more gracious and kind When we'll stop and do that because we all we all are going through a lot.
Jeffrey Aylor:Even when life is good. You're going through a lot. I know right now you know with my wife and I were both in major points of transition, both of us, but and it's different. It's different for each one of us what we're going through. And the endpoint will be different for each of us because we have different expectations of what will happen And and sometimes we just have to stop and say, okay, I appreciate and understand where they are.
Jeffrey Aylor:I hope they will understand appreciate where I am, and why things kind of are where they are. And let's patiently work through this because we're it's going to happen one way or the other, and we have to be able to work through it. So and and and these situations arise every day. Every single day there are tests. There's opportunities to practice this, and I'm finding that the more we do it consciously versus unconsciously.
Jeffrey Aylor:The more effective life ultimately I think is going to be for us. So alright, this next this next question really touches on something you mentioned, Joe. And that is the pause. I know when I went through my my facilitator training and my training on how to be a trainer, trained trainer. One of the things they taught us was called the pregnant pause.
Jeffrey Aylor:Stopping and just letting silence happen. In a in a group situation and let people think, let them process and be a be Okay with silence, and I can tell you silence is deafening. People struggle with silence that pause. So what role does pausing play in making more intentional choices?
Joel Aylor:The pause is everything. I mean, without it, you know, we're just repeating patterns. We're just regurgitating previous condition programming that we have inside of us. But with it, there's a space. And like Viktor Frankl said, between that stimulus and response, there's that space between, where which we get that name for the podcast.
Joel Aylor:And but that's where we we have that opportunity to actually do something other than just react, so then do something other than what our programming wants us to do. And it's hard. That's a that's a you have to unlearn a lot of things. First, have to become aware of them, and then you have to basically recognize them, you know, and then unlearn that over and over again in multiple different situations and in different discussions or different experiences in order to be able to react differently. But there is that that pause where you you have to allow yourself to see it, And people don't like being in that space because it's quiet, because they usually feel very awkward and want to fill that that silence with with words.
Joel Aylor:Usually, those words are not necessarily good words. They're just sound. They're just reactions, and and they get uncomfortable in those times. I mean, I remember when I I had to learn this in in pharmacy school when when dealing with our practice patients when they would ask a question. And I'm still learning.
Joel Aylor:I'm still training, but I have to actually process it, figure out, you know, what is the correct answer before I just say something that's wrong. And sometimes in those situations, especially in a doctor patient relationship, you know, there is those times where it's quiet in the room, and it's like, this is awkward. But you have to, you know, be okay with that because they honestly would like for you to give you an answer quickly. Just and if you can, great. It shows you know your stuff, but sometimes you have to sit and think about it and think through it to get the correct answer for them.
Joel Aylor:But it's awkward, and I've learned actually how to sit in that space, in that that silence, in that moment. And I'm not uncomfortable anymore. But it took a lot of time. Took many years of of being in there and getting used to it.
Joe Dermody:So I'm not very good about just remembering things off the cuff. Right? I'm starting to learn to meditate. I'm starting to learn to sit in silence with myself. But just sitting here while we've been chatting about this particular question, I was able to write down just four things, right, that come to mind when we start talking about silence and the pause.
Joe Dermody:Right? And they are silence is golden. Distance is relative. Silence is deafening, you learn the most by staying silent. Right?
Joe Dermody:So these these four things, right, they all kind of bring bring the thought here that silence is important. Right? The the whole part about distance when we were talking about that, there is no distance between people because we are all one. Right? There is we're all unity.
Joe Dermody:Right? It's all important, and that's why I threw that one in there. I know it's kind of awkward when we're talking about silence and the pause, but there is no distance when we are talking about two different people, the you know, all of us communicating. If you think about our spiritual beings, they're communicating without our human senses, right, all the time. So in the silence, even though that's here in our normal senses that we're talking with and hearing with, our higher beings are already communicating and talking with each other.
Joe Dermody:So our our quietness is just what we're seeing here. So it's it's important to be able to be comfortable in your silence here. It gives your human senses a break to be able to listen to your higher self. Right? And that's what we talk about in prior podcasts about meditation.
Joe Dermody:When you're talking with somebody else, you can learn a lot if you stay silent and listen. That is so important. And vice versa, you can't listen if you're talking. Right? Take the time to listen to what the other people are saying if if that is another person you're communicating with or your higher self trying to communicate back to you.
Jeffrey Aylor:So communication, the model, you have to have a sender, you have to have a means method, and you have to have a receiver. Communication is not complete without any of those pieces. If any one of them is missing, you don't have communication. And that's a powerful thing to actually sit and think about. Most people don't actively listen.
Jeffrey Aylor:We're really horrible listeners, and if we are listening, we're actually listening to respond, listening to comprehend. And that silence there's a scripture that I have always thought a great deal about in the Christian Bible that says study to be quiet, and the word study there is translated from a word that actually means be diligent. Be diligent to be quiet, because it's in that quietness that we're able then to connect with the divine within, which is what connects us to the divine within everybody else, And I think that's why telepathy, in my opinion, was probably the original language of people. Even here on Earth after it was created, I believe that was probably the language, the common language that was confounded was the concept of being able to communicate directly without having to use words. Not only did you know the language was common at that point, and and when we when when all these languages came into being, oh my goodness, the confusion created by all these different ways of expressing the same thing that as much as I've traveled around the world and sit and I listen to people talk and I have no idea what they're saying, But I know I should.
Jeffrey Aylor:Right? So that pause, that quiet point, which is again very uncomfortable for a lot of us. Is usually the point that is the most powerful. I think of music and we talk about music a lot. Think about some of the greatest music that you love.
Jeffrey Aylor:And sometimes within a piece of music, the most powerful point in that piece of music. Is a pause or rest? A time where they stop. And it's like, and you get this anticipation of when it starts again, and it's like, woah, it just brings this energy in this. I get goosebumps Just thinking about that that that powerful pause in a piece of music and what that does to us.
Jeffrey Aylor:And I think that same thing occurs in life if we'll just be my in fact, my wife and I were talking. We talk too much. I'm sorry, but as people we talk too much. Less is better. Quality of communication is not based on how many words you use, it's based on the quality and the value of the words that you use, and it doesn't have to be a lot.
Jeffrey Aylor:In fact, the better your words, the better your communication unless you have to communicate.
Joe Dermody:That's the introvert.
Jeffrey Aylor:Yeah, well, is the introvert coming out of me. But there's just the fact that, know, more words doesn't make things better, and oftentimes it creates more opportunities for misunderstanding and misinterpretation and and and that silence sometimes is the most powerful connection point when either whether it's two people in interpersonal communication or whether it's in a group setting. I know a lot of times when I'm teaching. I will stop. And not say anything and just look at everybody.
Jeffrey Aylor:And that that point of looking at everyone, I'm I'm assessing a lot of things from that. Are they paying attention? Is, you know, is is their response positive? Is are they resonating? You can tell just by the look on their face when you're looking at them and sometimes that silence is like wakes them up.
Jeffrey Aylor:Oh yeah, Well, wait a minute. Is he going to ask me a question? Oh no, I'm going to be asked a question. So I have to say I think this this concept of pausing. Before we make a decision, before we come to a conclusion before we react.
Jeffrey Aylor:Creates a significantly higher level of response. And it tends to create a healthier. Healthier interaction with people. I I would agree.
Joel Aylor:But I would say that the people who are uncomfortable with that pause are usually uncomfortable because they're they're not comfortable sitting with their their racing mind. Their mind is always talking even when we're not. And and that's where people get uncomfortable because they have so many thoughts going through their head. Well, what about this? What about this?
Joel Aylor:Why is he not talking? Why what's going on here? This is really this is really awkward. Why why why aren't they talking? They're not comfortable, and they can't control that that running mind.
Joel Aylor:And as soon as they become aware of that, then they can become comfortable in that pause and not feel like there should be something being said. As an example, I mean, Daniel and I, my best friend Daniel, we've we've known each other for thirty plus years. We can have conversations with each other or just communicate with one another with just by looking at each other. We don't have to say anything. We can look at each other and know exactly what the other one's thinking.
Joel Aylor:You know? We don't require words.
Jeffrey Aylor:And he is a person of few words.
Joel Aylor:He does not he does not always speak. And when he does, it's usually pretty pretty impressive stuff that he
Jeffrey Aylor:says. Profound.
Joel Aylor:Lot of times. Yeah. But, I mean, a lot a lot of our times together and and people might think it's strange because we'll be sitting there, and we we aren't saying anything to each other. We're just enjoying each other's company. Just being in there in in the same room together.
Joel Aylor:We don't have to fill that time with with words because it doesn't add anything to our relationship. So
Jeffrey Aylor:all great.
Joe Dermody:Well, I'm glad that you two can translate for me because a lot of times I'll listen to some of these podcasts back, and I'm like, man, that was a mess. I don't English too good. And then Jeff will come in. Jeff will come in and translate, and I'm like, yeah. That's what I meant to say.
Joe Dermody:Thanks.
Jeffrey Aylor:Exactly what I meant.
Joe Dermody:Perfect. I just need to get this telepathy thing down so that it's just easier
Joel Aylor:so you
Joe Dermody:know exactly what yeah. And then we gotta learn how to translate that telepathy into, you know, podcasts so that everybody understands what I'm saying because, man, I don't I know how some of these people are. They're like, ugh. Joe's talking again. Jeff, will you translate?
Jeffrey Aylor:Welcome, Joe.
Joe Dermody:It's good. It's it's fine.
Jeffrey Aylor:So I'll get better. Let's talk about compassion in practice. So what does choosing compassion look like in real and sometimes difficult situations that we face? What's compassion look like?
Joel Aylor:The biggest thing I've learned about compassion in this context is that it's it's not always emotional. It's behavioral. It's it's it's basically it looks like listening, like what we've talked about before, taking that time to not say something, to actually put ourselves in a present moment with somebody and truly listen to what they're saying and, like you said, to not to respond, but to understand where they're coming from. So that's not you know, a lot of times, you look at compassion as being something that's an emotion or something we're we're giving or feeling, and it's not. Sometimes it's strictly a behavior, and that's a that's a thing that requires repetition over and over again in order to get right.
Joel Aylor:And something you have to do each and every day. It's not just something that always comes natural because you're in your own space dealing with your own things. In order to be compassionate with someone else, you have to let that stuff go to the side and put yourself in front of them.
Joe Dermody:And I think sometimes people think that you have to have experienced what they're going through in order to feel compassion for that, and you don't. Just like what you said, you can listen. You can you can still be there for somebody even though you haven't fully experienced that.
Joel Aylor:Thousand percent. Yeah.
Joe Dermody:Yeah. And and still feel for the person and be there for them even if you haven't directly experienced what they're experiencing.
Joel Aylor:Yeah. Compassion sometimes looks just like presence. Just being present. Absolutely. It's compassion sometimes.
Joel Aylor:There's not words. It's just being there with them. You know, we went through that when we lost Katie. You know, no one no one knew what we were feeling or experiencing. They couldn't, and they shouldn't.
Joel Aylor:Hope they don't have Don't want to. I don't want them to have to
Joe Dermody:Right.
Joel Aylor:Know what that feels like, but just to show up and be present was was a form of compassion.
Jeffrey Aylor:Yeah. That's a really, really good point. Yeah. And I don't I don't expect people to necessarily know exactly what I'm going through. In fact, like like he just said, I don't want them to know what I'm going through because I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I would I appreciate the the the sincere concern and love and and they, you know, compassion is an act to me.
Jeffrey Aylor:Right? It's more than just a feeling being compassionate towards someone. There's there. It's a it's an active. Thing.
Joel Aylor:Yeah.
Jeffrey Aylor:And there there there there are a lot of times in life, obviously, that we get the opportunity to practice this. You know, many people, we don't know what they're and here's the hard part. We don't know what some people are going through. We don't know what their life has thrown at them. I know we talk a lot about this at work that I'm one of those managers and directors that I know you you you you're going to bring your life into workplace whether you like it or not.
Jeffrey Aylor:And if you don't understand that, if you don't appreciate and understand that people can't just check off and turn on and turn off What's going on in their life outside of work when they come into work, and if you think that that's the that that's really true and doable. You're not being compassionate. It's not realistic. That's not realistic. People are gonna bring their life into work with them, and I think you have to understand those those situations and understand, you know, what people are going through.
Jeffrey Aylor:What are people going through? And and the hardest part is to not be judgmental sometimes of that, but it's it's still just recognizing that people people have a lot going on. In this world today, people are overstimulated. They are. We overcommunicate.
Jeffrey Aylor:We. We're bombarded with images and messages that try to control the way we think and the way we see the world and. And for all kinds of different reasons, it's overwhelming. And and I really think a part of the healing that can come from this type of podcast from this type of a platform is to help people see that in themselves and around others that this world we we need to stop and slow down. That's what I loved about what happened during the COVID time frame.
Jeffrey Aylor:Was a huge shift in people to slow down. Just slow down and. Go home and realize what's important and realize what's important, really important in life. And some people I think got the lesson and some people I think it just skipped right over them. So right?
Jeffrey Aylor:So anyway, it's it's a never ending opportunity to practice this. So compassion is something I think you build the ability to express. In relationships. And it's. Really going to build on this next question, which is about self compassion.
Jeffrey Aylor:So I really think it's difficult to be compassionate toward others if you struggle to be compassionate toward yourself. And so how does the way we treat ourselves influence how we show up for other people?
Joel Aylor:That's exactly right. So basically, this connects with all some of our previous discussions that we've talked about. We have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. And I've noticed that when if I'm harsh with myself, I'm quicker to be harsh with other people. Or if I give a little bit of myself or give myself a little bit more, you know, space and patience, I tend to do the same thing to everyone else.
Joel Aylor:And so it's hard to offer something that I'm not offering
Jeffrey Aylor:myself. So, you know, that
Joel Aylor:I have internally comes out externally. So in order to actually truly show compassion or be present with somebody, you have to do that with yourself first. And that's that's how you change the world, though. So, I mean, if we're not gonna have everybody just all of a sudden understand everything or be in a better place. They have to go within themselves, learn themselves, be kind to themselves, realize that they are in the right place at the right time.
Joel Aylor:That is none of this is you know, you might make mistakes, but you're exactly where you're supposed to be, and it's okay. Give yourself a little bit of grace. Love yourself for who you are right now because there's nothing wrong with you. And you're learning just like everyone else, and you're at different levels than everyone else. And soon as you start to see that, you start to be more compassionate to everyone else.
Joe Dermody:But I've also seen it on the other side too where I've seen people, and I've actually done it before I've been able to forgive myself and love myself. Sometimes I have tried to love other people. And I don't know if it's I felt it was real. You know? But I don't know if it really was.
Joe Dermody:So I I in the past, and this was a while ago, I had some issues that I had to work out. This was back in college. And I would I was not in a serious relationship, and it was hard for me to get into a serious relationship because of this. And it was because I had I wasn't able to love myself, so I couldn't get into that kind of relationship. But I would I still felt strongly for other people.
Joe Dermody:Right? But I was more worried about them than I was myself. Right? And I think I I tried giving them gifts. I would go out, and I'd be the one that would buy rounds of drinks for everybody all the time.
Joe Dermody:And it would never it it's like the world would never reciprocate, right, those feelings. Once I stopped and I figured out that, hey. You know, I'm not happy. I'm not happy with myself. I'm not happy with life in general, right, and the way things were progressing.
Joe Dermody:And I started working on myself more, that's when things started to change around for me in my life. I still loved everybody, right, all my friends and everything there, but there was a shift at that point in my life. That's when things started getting better for me, work, life, relationship, financially, everything. Right? It all just kinda shifts when you things start going better when you start turning everything around.
Joe Dermody:But it it had to make those personal choices first. But you it was weird, though, because, again, I felt like I was doing the right things. Right? I felt like I was providing those things for other people, that I was loving other people more, you know, when I didn't truly love myself first.
Jeffrey Aylor:So I don't discount I don't discount that you were sincere and that that was real.
Joe Dermody:Mhmm.
Jeffrey Aylor:I think the issue you bump up against is that as you keep pouring out of your cup
Joe Dermody:You'd never filled it up.
Jeffrey Aylor:Once you're empty. Yep. You can't sustain it. What you did up to that point was very real and very sincere and very legitimate, right? Then there gets to be a point where if you're not filling yourself back up.
Joe Dermody:Yep, you're wearing yourself out.
Joel Aylor:You get become exhausted. Yeah, and
Jeffrey Aylor:I think people then start to feel that what you're doing toward them or for them. I say this a lot of times. I wonder sometimes if my if what I do for people, if they feel like there's a string attached to it, or if that there's I'm doing it to get something from them. And and we've got someone we love very much who's very giving. And she will tell you that.
Jeffrey Aylor:She gets a lot from giving. Yeah. So she when she gives, she also receives. So in that sense, by giving she's filling her own cup. True.
Jeffrey Aylor:And I think that if as long as you see that reciprocation in the process and and I think sometimes the hardest part is when we give to someone to not expect something in return because we're already going we're already gonna get something in return.
Joel Aylor:Right. Giving is actually receiving. Yes. Right. Absolutely.
Joel Aylor:But you you also have to understand that's how you have to fill your cut back up. You have to actually love yourself as well in that in that way. Otherwise, you're still just emptying an empty cup because you've you've got to you've gotta realize who you are and why you're doing it in order to actually let this cycle actually flow. Otherwise, it'll stop.
Joe Dermody:Yes.
Joel Aylor:And that is where a lot of people struggle, and that's that's probably where you struggled when, you know, when you were younger. You just you didn't like yourself enough to fill your cup back up.
Joe Dermody:That's right.
Joel Aylor:And people do that all the time. That they they give and give and give to everyone else, but don't take care of themselves. They or they're harsh to themselves because they don't truly love themselves enough right now to to replenish it. Mhmm. And, Joe, what you were saying earlier made me think of Eckhart Tolle saying, basically, the universe isn't here to make you happy.
Joel Aylor:It's here to awaken you. You're saying you were it wasn't making you happy.
Jeffrey Aylor:Yep.
Joel Aylor:Yeah. But it woke you up. You realized something needed to change. Absolutely.
Jeffrey Aylor:Well, there's a couple of things we've talked about to touch on, what I know to be the hermetic principles of as within, so without, as above, so below. It's hard to be compassionate outwardly if you're not compassionate inwardly. As within, so without. Love within, you can love more effectively without. Be compassionate within, you can be more compassionate, honestly compassionate without.
Jeffrey Aylor:That principle is profound. Very profound. Simple, but not always easy, right, to comprehend as most principles tend to be. Polarity. This is the other thing we I've heard in this conversation is the is the principles of polarity.
Jeffrey Aylor:People tend to be on extremes, and and the system that has been designed by the universe is for there to be balance, not extremes. We we experience the extremes to understand the value and quality of balance. That's how you know and appreciate and understand. You know, light is not really different than darkness. They're just two different the same thing on two different poles.
Jeffrey Aylor:So I can't understand this if I don't experience or understand that because I can't in my human I can't understand can't comprehend it.
Joel Aylor:Well, it wouldn't exist without the other one. That's what Alan Watts used talk about constantly.
Jeffrey Aylor:Yeah. One doesn't You wouldn't
Joel Aylor:know you wouldn't know what hot was unless you understood cold. Right. Because there's no there's nothing to compare it to.
Jeffrey Aylor:So what's the opposite of compassion? What's the pull? Good question.
Joel Aylor:Don't know.
Jeffrey Aylor:Well, it's the lack of compassion, right? It's the antithesis. It's the opposite, right? If I if compassion is being over, you know, very compassionate is that one pole, not being caring, concerned, or attentive to other people would be the other,
Joe Dermody:which means selfishness. Animosity, cruelty.
Jeffrey Aylor:Cruelty. I mean, there's any number of behaviors that could be identified that exist at the other pole, and we see it. We see it in the world today. Today, our our world right now is very, very polarized.
Joel Aylor:Mhmm.
Jeffrey Aylor:On purpose. On purpose. It's it's the time. It's and it's here for a reason for us to wake up and start questioning the extremes. Question the extremes.
Jeffrey Aylor:The comfort comes, and and and this is again another Christian principle that's taught in scripture that it's everything in moderation. That middle point, that moderate point in everything is the point of balance. It acknowledges that the poles exist, but it but equilibrium in that state of balance is where you find peace, harmony, and that's that's where I believe. We're all. Focus to become at that balance point.
Jeffrey Aylor:So there's a lot of things, a lot of habits we form. Whether from things we're taught, things that we're. Seeing out in the world that. Cause us to think that we're separate. So what habits or patterns tend to pull you?
Jeffrey Aylor:Away from this principle of unity back into separation? And how do you start recognizing? Those times and situations.
Joel Aylor:So speed is a big one for me. So when I move too fast, I stop I stop noticing everything. Assumptions creep back in, and then judgment comes back online, and everything just feels more separate again. So busyness can make separation feel normal, but it's not because we're not actually separate. So in order to reconnect that mindset to that feeling and that understanding, I have to slow down because constantly doing stuff or constantly being busy is not a natural state.
Joel Aylor:That's why we say we're not human doings. We're human beings. We're here to, you know, just be sometimes. It's okay to just be. Sometimes we feel like we have to constantly be doing something else in order to feel productive or to feel like we did enough for the day.
Joel Aylor:It's like our accomplishments for ourselves is only if I checked off everything on my to do list. The to do list never ends. There's always something to work on. And sometimes it's okay if we don't do something and we just allow ourselves to rest or reconnect to ourselves, to someone else, or, you know, significant other, spend time in nature, whatever you have to do to slow down and reconnect to your actual true self because that is the only way you will not exhaust yourself.
Joe Dermody:Yeah. I I have to also just take time for me because if I don't also slow down and stop to focus, I start to spiral out of control, which oddly enough, I find is how I used to live my life. And that's crazy for me to just stop and think about now. And also to also think that that was just three or four months ago that I've started to make this change. So yeah.
Joe Dermody:Yeah. When I when I don't take at least fifteen to forty five minutes for myself in the day, I start to I I just yeah. I start to kinda go a little stir crazy, and I need to stop and slow down. I can do it for a day, but if I do it two days in a row, I need to stop and refocus.
Jeffrey Aylor:You know what's sad to me is the world tells you that when you do that, you're doing something wrong. Yeah. They tell you that that's not, to your point, not productive. You're not being productive. It's all about how much you do.
Jeffrey Aylor:It's really not about how critically or how positively you think, and the contributions or the quality or the value of the contributions that you give in the time that you that you give. I anybody who works around me or is around me very long will very quickly recognize I have a very different approach to life, to work, to time, to and I can honestly tell you that it it took me It took me a long time because I was one of those people when I was younger. Say closer to your age, Joel, 40. Even up to that point, I would eat people. If you got in my way, I'd run over top of you.
Jeffrey Aylor:And it was all about how much could I do and and how fast it and I'm still I still work very fast. But I do it because when I when I have formulated a concept or an idea, I've I've spent so much time thinking about it. That when it's time to actually execute it, it happens very quickly. And most people they they don't understand that approach to life and work. They don't understand that that quiet My most productive time at work is when I'm away from my desk, away from people, and I'm walking and thinking and processing, and it's amazing how quickly something can form.
Jeffrey Aylor:And then once I see it, the ability to produce it is is very quick. Now and I understand that's quite unique in in how most people so but there there's there's always somebody trying to pull me back. They'll question, You know why I would do this or why would you do? Well, at this point I think I've gotten now that the quantity of things I'm able to create and the pace and speed at which I created, they won't question anymore the approach. Because I'm actually able to produce more than they do being busy all the time.
Jeffrey Aylor:It's just an amazing. It's pretty amazing the concept and Joe being around me as much as he is. When I learned to detach from outcomes, in fact, I am more productive the less I do, and that's very counterintuitive, but the less I try to force things, the less I try to push, the less I try to drive things, the more the universe gets involved, or God, whatever principle you want to call it, And it's amazing how much better, faster and capable the universe is at developing things within me than I am myself.
Joel Aylor:I would say slightly twisting what you're saying there. It's not the universe getting involved. The universe is always involved. You're getting in its way. Sometimes.
Joel Aylor:Okay. Yes. You're becoming a stone in the middle of that river, and you're redirecting things where they don't where the water doesn't wanna flow. Very good point.
Jeffrey Aylor:I will fully take credit for the fact that I'm a big stone in the middle of the river.
Joel Aylor:If if if you just go with the the universal flow, it's amazing. I mean, how how things compare themselves, and that's that's what Michael Singer talks about in the untethered soul. I mean, he just basically said, get out of the way. Just let it happen.
Jeffrey Aylor:And you know you know exactly when it happens because when you get into flow, it is effortless. Right. It's effortless. It just happens, and it I get goose I'm getting goosebumps because so much of this work around this awakening heaven on Earth platform and series has come and been created as a result of that very, very thing. I was I was told, get out of the way.
Jeffrey Aylor:Get out of the way. Just let let me work through you. Be a channel. Let me let me let me flow through you. And that's why we're here today.
Jeffrey Aylor:That's why we're sitting here.
Joel Aylor:Yeah. So one of my favorite songs right now, and it just came up randomly on a on a playlist, it was watching the wheels by John Lennon. If you guys have ever listened to that, it's basically talking about how he stepped away from everything, and everyone thought he was crazy for for getting out of the grind of being with the Beatles and and living his life the way he wanted to, and and and just kinda hit home. It's like, you know, sometimes just it's not all. It's meant to be.
Joel Aylor:Yeah. Basically, life isn't always about just doing more because you're famous, doing this because you can. It sometimes just he he found himself, and he didn't need anyone else after that, but people thought he was crazy for it.
Jeffrey Aylor:You know, it's interesting you bring up the Beatles because there have been so many times now I've heard interviews with all of them.
Joel Aylor:Well, they went through a massive transition there.
Jeffrey Aylor:Well, that so the very song, let it be. Yeah. Let it be. Is a song that Paul McCartney will tell you he didn't create that. It came to him.
Jeffrey Aylor:It just came to him. And he and he he started playing it for some people. He says, have you heard this before? People are like, no. I haven't heard that before.
Jeffrey Aylor:Okay. Well, then I guess it's ours now because Just like it just came to me and it was like
Joel Aylor:Like he had heard it before and it was a song hurting his head.
Jeffrey Aylor:And it's in his head, and then there it is, the song is there. And and it's so fun because and this is one of my favorite episodes of the telepathy tapes. If you follow the telepathy tapes, talks about people who receive people who are highly creative receive these massive downloads if they're open to the universe to receive it, And and they will tell you, this was not my idea. This is not a I was not planning to be doing this right now today. It all came to me in a download.
Jeffrey Aylor:And then I could either be the rock in the flow, or I could get out of the way and just let it flow right through. And now I've chosen to get out of the way and just let it flow and see what happens. In my opinion, and I've said this to a number of people, I don't know how many people will listen to this podcast over time. I don't know how many people will be impacted by it, and I honestly don't think it's my job to worry about that. My job is to create, And if the universe cares enough to drop this through me, my belief is the universe has an audience for it.
Jeffrey Aylor:And it's not my job to figure out who that audience is.
Joel Aylor:Oh no, and we live in a time where we don't have
Jeffrey Aylor:to worry
Joel Aylor:about that either. I don't have worry. So interconnected, it just happens naturally. It's just gonna take on
Jeffrey Aylor:a life of its own. And with that, small choices, big impact. We teach this in our continuous improvement philosophies. That a lot of people think you have to constantly be driving great big changes in order to have a big impact, but the fact is, if you'll just do a lot of small things. They make big impact.
Jeffrey Aylor:So how do small shifts in our daily choices change our relationships and our experience life? Like you said,
Joel Aylor:the biggest changes don't come from major decisions or major events. They they come from small repeated shifts over time, kinda like I mentioned before, where you learn to become compassionate with compassionate or you learn how to become present or aware of yourself just by choosing to sit in that pause and become aware of everything and then basically changing how you approach it. You don't go back into an old program. You don't react. You're able to change things, but it takes time.
Joel Aylor:It's small decisions all day every day. So it's not one big shift or even just another example, like, I used to have when I was younger a lot of road rage. I didn't just all of a sudden just stop caring while while driving.
Jeffrey Aylor:I'm sorry. Yeah. I know. That is a learned baby, I think.
Joel Aylor:Well, yeah. I mean, even yours, your father as well. Same thing. So it it I realized all I was doing was just it was an was a reaction. Was a program.
Joel Aylor:It was judgment, not having a clue what was going on, understanding you know, I'm not saying there's not bad drivers out there because there are, but I realized nothing of what I said in that in my car or nothing that I yelled at them made a bit of difference. So it just took time over and over of having those repeated experiences on the road where you have to learn to do I react or do I just shut up? And, eventually, you just get to a point where like, okay. Whatever. And you and you've reprogrammed yourself not to react the same way.
Joel Aylor:So it's it's not a big event. It's not a big decision. It's little small repeated decisions that make change.
Jeffrey Aylor:I'm still working on it.
Joe Dermody:A lifelong journey.
Jeffrey Aylor:It is a lifelong journey, and I'm still working on it.
Joe Dermody:So just like listening, you you have to listen in order to contribute to a conversation. Right? You have to raise your own vibration in order to raise the vibration of the entire world. When as a candle, it takes nothing away from you to light another candle. Right?
Joe Dermody:Small little steps, right, will contribute to the whole. And that's how I'm living my life now. So everywhere I go, I raise the vibration wherever I'm at. And that's my goal each and every day. Is it a lot?
Joe Dermody:No. Not normally. But those little steps contribute all the time. And that's how I'm planning on contributing for the rest of my life. So not by huge leaps and bounds, small little steps, and every little step helps along the way.
Jeffrey Aylor:Yeah. Beautifully said. You know, think about what is it that increases my awareness? Right to recognize during the day throughout the day. Situations and opportunities to respond to either react or respond.
Jeffrey Aylor:Because it happens all day every day, and you have to consciously be aware all the time to do that. Now we'll slip. That's natural. We slip, our mind will slip, and we'll lose focus. We'll lose that awareness.
Jeffrey Aylor:And we will react. And then when it happens, you know, almost immediately. Why did I do that? I know I should not have done that. I know I should not have said that.
Jeffrey Aylor:I know I should not have reacted that way. I know I should have stopped and said something that was much more.
Joe Dermody:Effective for that moment. Situationally aware.
Jeffrey Aylor:Very yeah, being situationally. Yeah, but it's it's but being situationally aware means you're looking all the time, right? You're constantly vigilant. And to do that, you have to increase that frequency. You you've got to be tuned.
Jeffrey Aylor:To the to the highest frequencies to be able to know when what what's coming at you doesn't resonate and figure out why. Why is that not and and not be judgmental of it. That's the hardest thing for me. It's just not being judgmental of now I know. I had a situation where someone wanted to have a constructive conversation with me, but they started with a question that was accusatory in its tone, and I didn't react to it well.
Jeffrey Aylor:And I know that now looking back, and it's like a
Joel Aylor:Respondent defensiveness?
Jeffrey Aylor:Yes. Yeah. And then, you know, when you stop and process that, Now I'm not going to excuse because the fact is that the question had its intent. But I don't control the question. I do control my response.
Joel Aylor:Yeah,
Jeffrey Aylor:right? And I think that is a really important lesson for me was to understand who's who's talking to me. Where do they where? Where is that coming from again? Why would they ask that?
Jeffrey Aylor:And then respond in as soft and as gentle and as constructive a tone and way that I can. And and again, I we're all we're all learning, and we're never fully developed yet. So how do we stay grounded? You know, what practices or reminders help us stay connected to this throughout the day so we can be more aware, we can be more conscious. What kind of things do we do to increase that awareness and consciousness?
Joel Aylor:We've touched on a few of these before in our discussions, but simplest things help the most. Noticing your breath, stepping outside and getting into nature, just slowing down for the moment. I mean, just give yourself a minute. Doesn't have to be long. Just be a minute.
Joel Aylor:Or, you know, say you're at work. You work for fifty five minutes, give yourself five. It's perfectly fine. It's not a break because you're actually being more productive in those other minutes than you would be if you didn't take that time. So it's less about adding things to your day.
Joel Aylor:It's more about, you know, remembering what's already there, and and there's so many things at our disposal to to use to kinda help us take a step back and be grounded in in our being and and reconnect to ourselves.
Joe Dermody:Yeah. And I think adding to that, it's it's just a moment of reflection. Right? When when you notice something like that, go back and correct it if you can. Right?
Joe Dermody:Just if you you can't always control what is happening around you. Just like you said, Jeff, you can control how you react to it, and sometimes you can't even control how you react to it. We're human. Right? We are we are spirit having or a human interaction here.
Joe Dermody:Right? A human journey. And you know what? That's why we're here, right, is to learn from these reactions we have as human bodies. Right?
Joe Dermody:But then we stop, we reflect, and we're shown, look. Maybe you coulda handled that better. And we're like, you know, probably coulda handled that better. And now we have a choice of, well, what do I do about it? Maybe I don't do anything about it.
Joe Dermody:Maybe I go back and I deal with it. Maybe I don't. But but I have that choice now. Maybe I stop and I journal. You know?
Joe Dermody:Maybe I I write down some things because that helps me center. Maybe I, you know, meditate, and I go through my day in my head each and every day. Maybe I I don't know. There's all kinds of stuff you could do. Right?
Joe Dermody:So
Jeffrey Aylor:You know, there's a lot of people, yeah, who prac they they the practical way, they say, if you're upset about something, count to 10. Yeah. Stop and count to 10 before you say or do anything. Yeah. If you're really upset, count to 100.
Jeffrey Aylor:Right? Just force just that's a very practical way, a practice that can cause you to stop and then contemplate what you're experiencing, do your situational awareness and process what you're experiencing and come to a better understanding or conclusion about what the right response might be. Yep. And you hear that all the time. You've I don't know, you probably heard that taught by a lot of different people.
Joe Dermody:Absolutely.
Jeffrey Aylor:It's so simple, but it's so difficult to practice, you know.
Joe Dermody:It is.
Jeffrey Aylor:And practice makes perfect. Practice requires, you know, it builds a habit. Yeah. And it's building these habits into our life that I think is really, really, really critical. It is.
Jeffrey Aylor:So choosing Unity Daily isn't about getting things right every time, right? It's about noticing when we've drifted or and how to gently bring ourselves back. To your point, Joe, how to bring ourselves back and acknowledge, wait, that wasn't then didn't tell people, hey, you know, I I didn't think I responded in the right way, and acknowledge that because I think that has an effect on them too. So as we bring this conversation to a close, I just want to leave us with something really simple. Unity isn't something we achieve once.
Jeffrey Aylor:This isn't something we do one time. It's not an event, a one time event. It's something we have to do every day. We have to hold on to it every day forever. It's something we return to again and again, and in sometimes small amounts throughout the whole day.
Jeffrey Aylor:So Joel, Joe, thanks again for your wonderful presence, your honesty, your insights. And for those that are listening, I hope this episode invites you to notice just one moment today where you can pause and respond and not react with awareness, and choose compassion, and if we can do that, then let's let that be enough, because sometimes the smallest choices are the ones that absolutely shape everything. And with that, the space between continues. As we come to a close, remember that this journey continues in many expressions. This podcast is part of a family of partner podcasts.
Jeffrey Aylor:Awakening Heaven on Earth. The space between heaven and earth, and Living Heaven on Earth are three companion podcasts exploring spiritual awakening from complementary perspectives. Awakening Heaven on Earth offers the core teachings and mystical reflections on unity, love, and conscious living. The space between creates room for dialogue, reflection, and lived conversation around those teachings. Living Heaven on Earth focuses on basic spiritual practices that help embody these insights in daily life.
Jeffrey Aylor:Together, they form a unified journey of understanding, experience, and integration, inviting listeners to remember their connection with the divine, with one another, and with the living world. You can find all of them available on the same podcast streaming platforms wherever you listen. And if music helps carry these teachings deeper into the heart, The Unity Awakening Heaven on Earth album is available on all major music streaming services as a musical companion to this journey. Wherever you engage through listening, reflection, conversation, or music, may it gently remind you you are not separate. You belong to the one life, and heaven is already unfolding within you.
Jeffrey Aylor:Until next time. Walk gently, love deeply, and embody heaven on earth.