Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
"Welcome to 'Parent Like An Athlete,' your ultimate guide to parenting with audacity, tenacity, and finesse. Hosted by the dynamic duo, Otis Grigsby, a former NFL warrior turned attorney, and his British wife, Gemma Grigsby, a successful healthtech marketing agency owner. Our mission is to navigate the parenting field with the same relentless drive as an athlete striving to improve by one percent each day. This isn't about winning or losing; it's about mastering consistency, transforming routine into an art form, and making everyday parenting an exciting journey. Are you ready to redefine your parenting playbook? Tune in and join our vibrant community as we tackle today's parenting challenges head-on!"
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:33:09
Unknown
Hello, Champions of Parenthood. Welcome back to parents Like an athlete. We're here to guide you along the path to becoming truly awesome parents. This week, we delve into a gripping tale of a parent navigating through their worst nightmare. Then we tackle the juggling act of maintaining an active lifestyle while raising a newborn. And to wrap it up, we discussed the delicate balance of involving grandparents in our children's lives.
00:00:33:11 - 00:00:53:14
Unknown
So strapping folks is going to be an enlightening ride. Hey. I'm Otis and this is. I'm Gemma, and we are two parents who are on a mission to help other parents parent like an athlete. So we're going to jump right into the first story. And this one is really interesting. And as the intro stated, pretty scary. Pretty frightening.
00:00:53:16 - 00:01:11:14
Unknown
So here goes. Someone tried to take my kid. I know how it sounds. I've reassured a friend that statistically kids are taken by family members, etc. But here I am with an open police case on file from yesterday's trip to the grocery store. When he approached us, he was acting weird. Not I want to take your kid weird.
00:01:11:20 - 00:01:32:03
Unknown
More like the people I'm used to interacting with at the park. They come from the adult care home. Weird, but harmless. I teach my kids that they can talk to other people as long as a grown up they trust is there. So like every other time someone has asked one of my kids a question. I gave my seven year old a bit of independence while obviously watching the interaction.
00:01:32:05 - 00:01:55:14
Unknown
Then he grabbed my kid's hand, tried slowly pulling him away, and I heard him say quietly, Say bye to Mommy. I step toward them and told my seven year old to come back to the cart. The guy let go. We walked away. I talked to my kids. We were okay. Here's where I feel guilty. My brain justified it or downplayed it because it surely couldn't have been that bad.
00:01:55:16 - 00:02:14:21
Unknown
There's no way it happened like that. I didn't talk to the store until 45 minutes later because my brain was like, okay, let's not think about that anymore. We need to get groceries. Groceries are good and normal. And that didn't happen. So by the time I talked to the store and told him what happened, he was gone. After we got home, we got and I got the food put away.
00:02:14:21 - 00:02:32:20
Unknown
I called the police. I told them what happened. And the deputy I spoke with said it was probably someone who was known to them and if it was, she would talk to his caretakers to let him know, let them know he needed to not be out without a caretaker anymore. Cool. She'll call me back after looking at the tapes with the store security guy.
00:02:32:22 - 00:02:52:26
Unknown
She called me back almost 3 hours later because it wasn't who she originally thought it was. There's enough video evidence of my kid trying to pull his hand out of this guy's hand and I guess part of the part of the hand-holding part I couldn't see because the cart or my kid's body was blocking it. They can hit this guy with attempted kidnaping charges if they find him.
00:02:53:03 - 00:03:12:06
Unknown
This week sucked before Friday. My youngest kid fell on Monday and cracked her front tooth up to the root and had to get it removed under anesthesia. On Tuesday. And now it sucks worse. Last night, when I laid down to sleep, my brain wouldn't stop going in circles, so I took a unicycle to fall asleep. I don't want to forbid my kids from interacting with other people in public even now.
00:03:12:09 - 00:03:29:10
Unknown
We have had so many wonderful interactions with people we didn't know in stores, and I value the general public in teaching my kids how to act in public and how to act around people who are different from our family. I think I will posture myself more assertively and be a bit more aggressive when someone is interacting with my kids.
00:03:29:11 - 00:03:46:09
Unknown
I tend to watch, but not overly stare at them, if that makes sense. So my kids feel like they have some autonomy in the interaction, but I don't want them to grow up thinking the world is out to get them, you know? Hug your kids. Keep a close eye on them in stores. And f this A-hole who've ruined an already awful week for my family.
00:03:46:11 - 00:04:20:24
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so you want to take this one? Um, yeah, let's. I mean, that's a lot to unpack. I mean, that sucks. That's crazy. Um, where to start? Okay, I think that it's interesting her reaction and how she feels like she was not assertive enough in the in the moment. And it's almost like she's having, like, a post-traumatic stress reaction afterwards where she's actually processing it and thinking like, this could have been a lot worse than it was.
00:04:20:26 - 00:04:44:21
Unknown
And I think a lot of women would probably have maybe a similar reaction, because I think on the whole, women are taught to not be aggressive, you know, And I think that, you know, when it comes to your kids and when you become a parent that does need to change. But it's like a shift that isn't necessarily always that easy, you know?
00:04:44:26 - 00:05:10:06
Unknown
Um, and maybe it takes something like this to actually to generate that shift in behavior. Um, because I think, like when I listen to this story and I put myself in that situation, I'm thinking, okay, what would I do? Like, you know, I would if, if anybody tried to grab my kid's hand, I would I feel like I would immediately, like, be there pulling him back, like, straight away.
00:05:10:08 - 00:05:29:08
Unknown
Right. And been like, get your hands off my kid. Um, I like to think that's what I would do. I mean, I guess you never know what you would do in the moment. I also feel like, you know, I mean, one thing that for me, like, you know, if I'm ever going to be, you know, being attacked or anything like that, like use your voice.
00:05:29:08 - 00:06:02:14
Unknown
It's like you scream like, I feel like there's an opportunity to scream for help. Just scream, make noise, like bring people to you like a lot people of the situation, because there's obviously people around you in the middle of a grocery store, right? Nobody is too far away. Um, because I think the I think the issue here and I think probably what she's struggling with is there was this huge delay in and getting help and like a rising, rising awareness situation that was like a 45 minute delay where she just carried on with her grocery shopping.
00:06:02:14 - 00:06:25:03
Unknown
And obviously she's in shock. But it's like this man could be doing God knows what. And that's 45 minutes. Right? Right. Um, so I think you have a responsibility to, like, raise the alarm a.S.A.P and, you know, to protect your your kids, but also to, like, protect everyone else, right? There's like, a creep on the loose in the grocery store.
00:06:25:06 - 00:06:48:00
Unknown
Um, I feel like I would have personally wanted to, like, get violent towards this man, which is not cancer, but, like, it's. Yeah, this is. This is crazy. This is violence is not the answer. I mean, generally speaking, maybe in this situation it is the ends that, you know, maybe there's a can of ragout, uh, like a bottle of ragu.
00:06:48:00 - 00:07:06:08
Unknown
You can just pop on his head. Yeah, there's got to be there's lots of weapons that you could grab in the grocery store for sure. Um. Uh, yeah, I feel like. I feel like if anybody, like, did anything like this was on, I would just want to, like, I would not be responsible for my actions, especially the bit where he whispered, Say bye to your mom.
00:07:06:09 - 00:07:36:19
Unknown
Like that is that's hella creepy. And if you hear somebody say that, I feel like that gives you you can do whatever you want to do. Somebody says that like, that's like kind of like shit. I mean, that's. Yeah, Yeah. I think, um, you know, as far as this woman feeling, you know, crummy about not really being prepared or maybe she's, you know, maybe she set her kid up for, for this type of negative interaction or whatever.
00:07:36:19 - 00:07:54:06
Unknown
I mean, you know, I don't know. You know, to me, you know, I'm constantly rehearsing in my mind, like what I'm going to do in the instance of, like someone doing something stupid. I think it's just good to be prepared. Like what? What would happen? What would I do if someone grabbed me or someone pulled a gun on me or like pulled a knife on me?
00:07:54:06 - 00:08:25:00
Unknown
Like, I'm constantly thinking about these things, not in a fearful way, but just in a way of like, hey, I, I want to be prepared because weird things happen. It's true that, you know, it's you know, the people who kidnap kids are typically people, you know, and and all that stuff. And but like, the thing is, it's also true that sometimes people who don't know your kid or you kidnap kids and and it's and it might be a small percentage, but that's kind of like saying, well you know only a certain percentage of people like die in car accidents.
00:08:25:03 - 00:08:48:20
Unknown
So I'm going to roll around without my seatbelt on. No. You know, or like only, you know, people who like I mean, there's there's just all these statistics and then there's outliers. And the last thing you want is your kid to be become be the outlier. That's part of the the you know, the the subset of statistics that, um, you know, people look at and say, well, you know, we're not going to be too worried about that.
00:08:48:27 - 00:09:11:08
Unknown
Um, stranger danger is obviously what we were taught when I was a kid. And, and there's a lot of commentary out there about, you know, the wisdom of that and how it's led to or maybe it's not so wise. I guess what I'm trying to say and how it's led to kids just not really playing outside as much anymore, kids having less autonomy.
00:09:11:11 - 00:09:36:27
Unknown
But your kid can have autonomy while you're actually looking at them. Your kid can have autonomy while you're protecting them. In fact, like, that's that's totally okay. It's not like, oh, I'm hovering just because I'm looking at my kid when he or she is talking to a stranger that's just doing your job. So there's a there's a lot of like virtue signaling involved with the whole, you know, I don't want my kid to to, like, be afraid.
00:09:36:27 - 00:09:55:15
Unknown
You can say, hey, you don't need to be afraid of anyone. Like, I'm not afraid of anybody. Like, I, you know, I was taught, you know, my dad was a preacher. Fear. No, man. You know, that's that's. I fear no man, no woman. But I'm also going to be aware and I'm also going to to just, you know, pay attention to weird stuff.
00:09:55:15 - 00:10:26:29
Unknown
And that's okay to say, hey, there's some there's some people out here who do seek to do harm. And it's not for you to be afraid is just for you to be aware. And if something's something's off, then you know, you say something. And so, yeah, I think, um, you know, fortunately it happened in a store, but I mean, this is like, this stuff happens a lot and it's in the scary part is like these people are kidnaping kids to, like, sell them into, you know, slavery.
00:10:26:29 - 00:10:53:29
Unknown
And it's gross and weird and creepy and there's a lot of, like real damaged people in the world. So I hate to start this to start this episode off with, like, something creepy like this. But I think that, you know, this is a great story about really just being aware like there's I don't want to say you're not safe anywhere because, you know, like safety, you know, it's like, what does that even mean?
00:10:53:29 - 00:11:14:19
Unknown
You know, like, I don't I don't know. But you got to be aware. Your kids need to be aware. Your kids need to know, uh, when it's time to yell out loud, when it's time to run, you know? I mean, somebody grabbing your hand, that's a that's a that's out of control. Yeah. And I think, like, you know, teaching your kids.
00:11:14:19 - 00:11:35:22
Unknown
Yeah. Like how to defend themselves. Like, whether that's like screaming and yelling and, you know, knowing what's right or wrong or whether that's like, you know, taking another step and sending them to, you know, self-defense classes, martial art classes, you know, not just for the purpose of, you know, instilling fear into them, but also, I mean, that has so many other benefits, too, right?
00:11:35:24 - 00:12:02:04
Unknown
Yeah. So I think that's something that could be really beneficial for a lot of kids in general. Also from a confidence standpoint, like, you know, having having the self-confidence to because I think sometimes, you know, kids are probably like fearful of like getting into trouble if they, like, speak up or shout or make a scene. But, um, you know, doing something like that can give them the confidence and help them know the difference between right and wrong.
00:12:02:06 - 00:12:24:12
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Uh, what you said about the martial arts. I mean, that's pretty key. I just, you know, one of the first things I feel like I learned in a mixed martial arts class, it was kind of like self-defense, mixed martial arts. But this move, when someone grabs your wrist, how to, like, break their their grip. Mm. I actually had to use that on an ex-girlfriend once.
00:12:24:14 - 00:12:47:24
Unknown
She. She was. She was manhandling me. My okay. My ex-girlfriend was manhandling me. She grabbed my, my wrist like I was, I was trying to, like, leave because she was harassing me. It was it was not a good night. And and I was like, whoa, hey, she has my my wrist. And I just kind of I mean, and then, like, I left.
00:12:47:24 - 00:13:08:16
Unknown
But anyway, uh, another whole, another story that is another story. I don't know. It's a different podcast. It has nothing to do with parenting, but, you know, get it. Get rid of them. Okay, let's, uh, let's get to another story. I think we've got something that's a little bit more fun. Okay. Yeah, let's have some fun. Yeah. All right.
00:13:08:16 - 00:13:32:04
Unknown
I'm going to let you read this, okay? Okay. Husband thinks he's going to work, run marathons, and go to school when our baby's here. Well, yeah. My husband is a huge optimist. It's great sometimes because I'm a huge pessimist, but this is grinding my gears. He thinks that with a newborn, he'll still have the energy to train for Marathon, go to the gym, make music work, and go to school part time.
00:13:32:05 - 00:13:53:15
Unknown
Okay, sounds pretty cool. Sounds familiar. I told him he's going to be up every 2 hours, if not less, than the baby crying and whatnot. And our fears have to do over myself, which is why we're planning to fade. Formula Exclusive Lee. He compares it to when he playing sports in high school and running on very little sleep and then still had time and energy to do things.
00:13:53:18 - 00:14:12:29
Unknown
I just don't think you could compare the two. It's literally survival mode with a newborn. He also said he might get a job soon. He was still in college, were young, and I told him if he does, he won't be able to get paternity leave or hardly any days off. He didn't seem too concerned. I told him It makes me feel like he's thinking I'm going to do everything alone.
00:14:13:01 - 00:14:33:28
Unknown
To which he said, no, that he will help just as much and so will our family. I don't know anyone else's husband. Say this malarkey before you had a baby. Then he got a shocker. I'm worried it's going to be way worse than he's anticipating and he's going to have a really hard time. Definitely a pessimist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
00:14:34:00 - 00:15:04:28
Unknown
Very, very. Uh, yeah. So, so Gemma alluded to the fact that this guy sounds like me, and I think that was in response to me saying, This guy sounds cool. So that's the reason I'm cool. Know he's pretty cool. Yeah. Okay, so this is something we talk about a lot. We talk about this a lot in the lead up to having a baby.
00:15:05:01 - 00:15:52:28
Unknown
We had so many people telling us about how our life was just going to like, just be hell, prepare for no sleep, prepare for, you know, problems breastfeeding, prepare for a horrible birth. Oh, caring and like all kinds of issues. Postpartum disorder. Like, prepare for it. All right. Yeah. Yeah. And life is going to suck. And the thing is, you know, there are obviously things that can go wrong, but, you know, in true parent like an athlete fashion, the way I look at it is, well, from an athlete perspective, if there's one person out there who's done it really well, who's who's had a fantastic experience where things just went perfect, then there can be
00:15:52:28 - 00:16:09:00
Unknown
two. Yeah, on his own is one example. And on top of that, even if there isn't an example, you know, I can be the first. Yeah. You know, what was it like the six minute mile or I don't know if was a six minute or four minute. Yeah. Something. One of those were like no one had done it.
00:16:09:00 - 00:16:39:29
Unknown
And then like once one person did it, it's like, oh wait, now everyone's doing it. Yeah, I think it's the same way with parenting. There's so many stories out there, narratives out there about how you know your baby's going to like, like, not sleep. Yeah, our baby started out sleeping 45 minutes at a time. It was horrible. But we just, you know, recap liberated, you know, found the right resources, spent way more time with prayer, a lot more time.
00:16:40:01 - 00:17:00:24
Unknown
You know, just changing our mindset, going into the room and putting them down for bed, changing our expectations. And then things just took off and got really great and super easy. And when I say easy, like, I mean sleeping through the night, you know, by three and a half weeks and. And then what did you have? You had people like, Oh, we'll get ready for the regressions, sleep regression.
00:17:00:24 - 00:17:21:23
Unknown
It won't last. Get ready, it won't last. Oh, we just got lucky. The next baby will be a problem. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So there's a lot of negative people out there. And I got to say, like, you know, that negativity doesn't serve you well in anything in sports and business and friendships, relationships, you know, raising a child, it's never going to serve you well.
00:17:21:26 - 00:17:50:09
Unknown
I imagine that this dad will have to adjust some of his expectations because he's not psychic. You can't tell. That's like it's not the right term. He can't tell the future, I guess, in his psyche. Yeah, in my mind I was thinking like Professor X, like reading people's minds. Um, yeah. He can't tell the future, so he's not going to be exactly right, but like, he's he's going to be more right than she is because he's determined to to get what he wants and he's speaking it out loud.
00:17:50:11 - 00:18:15:27
Unknown
And that's, that says a lot about him. But yeah, I think that she probably needs to do some work here. I think her poverty is wanting to get him on the same page as her, but I think she really needs to take some steps to get closer to to where he's at, too. And I think that, yeah, it is it's it's it's hard if you're a naturally pessimistic person to completely overhaul the way you think overnight.
00:18:15:27 - 00:18:38:19
Unknown
But I think that there's small steps that you can do to get there. And I mean, I think like, you know, you alluded to faith earlier and it's like I mean, for us, I think I mean, shout out to Joel Osteen and his podcast because one of the big themes that he talks about all the time is, you know, you create the life that you want and you know, your thoughts determine where you go in life.
00:18:38:19 - 00:18:58:19
Unknown
And I think that for me personally, the more you listen to that kind of stuff and the more you get it in your head and just hear it over and over and over again, it's sticks and, you know, you do try it. You do like slowly start to turn the wheel of of how you think and start to look at things differently and approach things differently.
00:18:58:19 - 00:19:25:20
Unknown
And I think that could really help this woman in this situation, because going into having a baby with such a negative outlook about how it's going to be like you're going to you're going to create that and it's going to suck. And you know, your husband can be saying all of this great stuff, but I think you need to try and meet him a little bit more where he is because, you know, he might have some expectations that are unrealistic.
00:19:25:20 - 00:19:46:20
Unknown
But I think overall, having that attitude of like, you know, it's it's not going to be that bad. We can get through it. You know, we can we can plan, we can pray if that's your thing, I think that will actually really help you. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, um, this is a this is a pro tip. We're getting the pro tip in here.
00:19:46:22 - 00:20:11:21
Unknown
I feel like me a little, uh, we need a jingle. We need a graphic and and sound effects for pro tip to that end. So, you know, if you're already married and you already, you know, you've got a kid already, you obviously can't solve for this problem. I mean, outside of blowing up your relationship, which I don't suggest you do, that's not what we're advocating for here on parent like that.
00:20:11:23 - 00:20:32:12
Unknown
But if you are a person who believes that you're going to have kids someday and you're out there looking for the right person, and maybe you're like, Well, I'm not really interested in like getting married and having a kid right now. I want you to consider this advice. So this is now shifting into a bit of a little bit of a relationship podcast, I guess.
00:20:32:17 - 00:21:00:24
Unknown
But like, parenting is also relationships. It's all it's all connected, right? You I'm talking about the the first date. Second date, like you need to be figuring out from the very beginning is this a person who is going to have an open mind about your wild ideas of of just success if you're I mean, forget about, like, pessimist optimist.
00:21:00:24 - 00:21:28:20
Unknown
I feel like that's just way to generalize. There are like even optimists have negative thoughts and pessimists have positive thoughts. I don't know that anyone's just purely one or the other, but I think what's most important is understanding is this person going to be someone who is pooh poohing your your, you know, fantastical dreams of like what is possible, because that is the source of creativity.
00:21:28:20 - 00:21:48:19
Unknown
That's a source. That's the power behind like all the good things that can happen in your life. And if there's a person who's attached to you, whether it's just a friend or your girlfriend or your spouse and, you know, God forbid you're you're like baby, like the person who you have a child with, like like that, that person can drag you down.
00:21:48:21 - 00:22:17:18
Unknown
And and so, you know, if you're if you're already with someone like that, then there's opportunities that you can like, you know, work on that. But if you're not with anyone, just avoid those people. And there's good ways of asking the questions, you know, just talking about your dreams and hopes and plans. I'll tell you what I told Gemma and a bunch of other women who I had with a bunch of other women who I didn't work out with before, before, you know, so many were not interested in me.
00:22:17:21 - 00:22:46:15
Unknown
I said something about how I had a dream where I had six kids and and like, you know, three boys, three girls. But in this dream, we were all adults or they were adults. I mean, I'm an adult, obviously, because and, and like and this is before and this is actually before I met Gemma. But on I'm at one end of this long table and this beautiful blond woman is at the other end of this long table.
00:22:46:21 - 00:23:13:15
Unknown
And and then the kids are on opposite sides three on one side, three on the other side. And we're in this like opulent home. It feels like maybe it's in Colorado somewhere like Aspen, these huge windows, you look outside, it's like we're on the mountains. It's snow, beautiful trees, like, I mean, it's we're living the life. And I and I told that story about how I just, you know, that dream I left out, the blond woman part, like when I was talking to people I was dating.
00:23:13:17 - 00:23:36:09
Unknown
And what if they weren't blond? Yeah, Yeah, I left that part out. I mean, just because she could have been bleached, I no know, it might have been just because it dyed her hair blond. Oh, no. We don't know everything was going on a dress, but. But it's like, okay, I could see myself having six kids and it's like, well, how women your age and, like, how am I going to have six kids?
00:23:36:09 - 00:23:58:04
Unknown
I'm like, Well, look, I mean, they've got surrogates. And then, you know, you hear people say, Oh, that's just such an abusive thing. That's so wrong. I'm like, oh, like women sign up to get paid like $100,000 to carry someone else's child is wrong. Like, I guess I mean, if you're abusing this person and I don't intend to do that, I'm I'm not saying we have to do that and just get paid $100,000.
00:23:58:05 - 00:24:27:18
Unknown
Some some do. Yeah. Some get paid that much. Yeah. I mean, if I were caring when I got like 300, I mean. Yeah, yeah. Give me a half a million for two kids. She's over here doing it for free. I know. Right, sucker. I know it's a noble thing, but anyway. Yeah, so I, you know, but you hear the negativity and it's like, okay, obviously I, I might change my mind and.
00:24:27:24 - 00:25:00:28
Unknown
And this is a dream. I don't really want six kids. I mean, maybe I do, but. But like, for you to just shut it down and not be open to it, it's like, okay, well, there's one. And then you think about something else and you talk about something else. And after a while you realize, man, this person is really, you know, low key, negative, like the they present as positive and exciting and interesting, but really deep down inside, like, they don't believe that they can have anything that's amazing and awesome in life and and and that stuff gets hidden y'all So pro tip over.
00:25:01:00 - 00:25:17:05
Unknown
Maybe people can borrow your dream scenario. Yeah. Use my dream. No. If you want to freak someone about something you don't believe in a good way to run someone off who you know for a reason. That doesn't matter to you. But it would be funny. Could be a way to get rid of someone you don't want to be with.
00:25:17:05 - 00:25:37:25
Unknown
Yeah. I want to see if anyone does it. Then, uh, comment and let us know. Yeah. Yeah, that would be really cool. Yes. Give us comments. We want your comments. We want your comments. We want your likes to subscribe. We'd love that. We'd love anything that shows that you love us. But also, if you don't like us, I mean, hey, we'll take that too.
00:25:37:26 - 00:25:58:25
Unknown
We get the dislikes cause you're watching the. Yeah, you watched and you didn't like it. Let's we learn something, right? If we get, like, more dislikes than likes, then we need to change some things. And if we get a handful of dislikes, then you're just wrong and everyone else is right. No. Uh, yeah. So, anyway, we've got one more.
00:25:58:25 - 00:26:23:19
Unknown
One more, one more of awesome stories. Do doing, uh, in-laws constantly asking to take one year old overnight. Am I the only parent out there that has zero interest in raising and having their babies away from them overnight? Is it just me, or am I nuts here? Every flipping phone call we have with my in-laws, they will work in in it to ask or suggest our toddlers stay alone overnight with them.
00:26:23:21 - 00:26:44:29
Unknown
They live in another state and have met her in person twice, literally. But they are dead serious when they have come to visit. They'll mention they'd like to. They'd like to take her back to their hotel for a night or two. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. What to do? What? What exactly is it you want to do without us there?
00:26:45:06 - 00:27:07:00
Unknown
Hmm? That's. That's okay. Uh, that that sounds a little weird. I get what she's going, but, yeah, it sounds like. Is there something else that she's not saying? I don't know. Yeah, we shared. She might just be paranoid or whatever, but anyway, we'll get to that. Uh, we shared, we had had repeated pregnancy losses and we're starting IVF.
00:27:07:00 - 00:27:29:06
Unknown
And the only comment my mother in law made was, well, the one year old could fly out to stay with them a few weeks while we sought treatment. W t f we had just been through horrible, devastating losses. Five Why on earth would I want to be separated from my only living child? They also don't know her at all.
00:27:29:08 - 00:27:54:24
Unknown
It would be very, very different if they lived down the block and saw her regularly, but she has no idea who they are. We share pictures and talk on the phone, but she's one my mom visits every three months or so, and it's a whole thing to reintroduce her every time because she gets stranger danger. The first bit they're here is everyone else just sending their kids for sleepovers at this age, no one has ever put my kid to bed besides me or my husband.
00:27:54:27 - 00:28:14:05
Unknown
If we have a sitter, it's usually after she's in bed. So we can still do bedtime routine. I waited my whole damn life to have this baby. I'm in no hurry to be separated from her. I've got my whole life for that. And frankly, the 38 years before I had her was plenty of alone time. My in-laws are also terrible with my with my mother in law.
00:28:14:07 - 00:28:36:05
Unknown
Wait, my ills. Oh, okay. Yeah. My in-laws are also terrible with her. My mother in law is likely on the spectrum and doesn't have any idea how to interact with babies. And my father in law is a narcissist who has called my baby a drama queen for crying when she was tired. They wouldn't be on my babysitter list even if they were local.
00:28:36:11 - 00:29:05:22
Unknown
Anyone else? Phil Similarly. Mhm. Wow. Mhm. Well I, I think she's 100% right. Like this is weird like. Yeah. Like just because you are my parent or my husband's parent does not give you any kind of right to have a kid, especially when you don't know the kid. It's like, I mean yeah, it's weird. It's really weird. Like there's, there's no way.
00:29:05:22 - 00:29:50:07
Unknown
I mean, you're essentially handing your child off to a stranger to them, Not to you, obviously, but like, how. No, I'm not doing that. That's weird. And it's weird that that keeps being this, like, constant insistence for it to happen even though she's already said. Mhm. Yeah. No look I'm not ready to say she's 100% right cause she sounds a little paranoid a bit and also she seems to be exaggerating and she said that, um, they have only met her in person twice except for the kid is one, which to me means she's actually older than one because, you know, she didn't use the, the months calculation.
00:29:50:07 - 00:30:18:00
Unknown
Right. So I bet she's like, I don't know 14 months And she says her mom, where the mother in law comes to visit every three months. No. Oh, her mom. Her mom is every three months. Okay. Yeah. You know, that's what happens when you're reading and not actually, like, paying attention or comprehending. So her mom. Okay. So yeah, I think that at least for for us and you know we we, we get a lot of looks from people.
00:30:18:00 - 00:30:44:23
Unknown
A lot of people are like they'll say things like, well, you know, fortunately for us, like our parents, like, live in town or they live nearby, How do you cope without your parents here? And it's like, dude, like, here's the thing, here's how I cope. Like when I plan on having a kid, I plan on actually like taking care of the kid myself, like there was like a whole plan and it was like, we're just going to, like, take care of our kids ourselves because we want our kids like that first.
00:30:44:29 - 00:31:09:05
Unknown
Those first five years. I don't want like, like, was it 90% of your child's brain development happens in the first five years? Why on earth would I want to send him or her to to spend time with someone else who is not aligned with the way we are? Like like it's enough work for parents to get on the same page and have a plan and execute that plan.
00:31:09:10 - 00:31:24:04
Unknown
And then you got to get other people on board. I mean, it's like, okay, we got grandma, we got grandpa on one side and the other side, and then we've got the preschool teacher and then we got the kids at the preschool and then we got this, we got the babysitter and all this stuff. And it's like, Oh, no, no, it's not just one babysitter.
00:31:24:10 - 00:31:57:20
Unknown
It's multiple babysitters. Because there's an app for that where you can just like find a babysitter, like on demand, like Tinder. I think I was going to say like, like ordering Uber food. Yeah. And somehow that's supposed to just work out just perfectly. It's like, maybe. But you know what? For years and years and years, like, um, this has worked out just fine without having all these people involved and without having, you know, all these, all these layers of, of like, of, like bodies between, like you and like, and time with your kid.
00:31:57:20 - 00:32:18:07
Unknown
I mean, the kids, they sleep, you know, more than half the day, right? You think like, you know, when someone says, oh yeah, my kid sleeps like 12 hours or ten, 12 hours at night, and then like, the kid has a nap, like you're sleeping more than half a day. So it's like, I don't know. I mean, at some point you're not going to see that kid.
00:32:18:07 - 00:32:40:15
Unknown
The kid's going to be in school, and then the kid's going to be gone. And and there's like lots of charts out there that shows like how much time you have with your kids. As the years go by, I mean, it it drops precipitously. So I don't know why I plan on offloading them to someone else. Just because you like, I don't know, want to do stuff like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:40:15 - 00:32:55:15
Unknown
And I think there's still ways to do stuff, right? I mean, and she set herself like, you know, if they get a sitter, they make sure that they, her and her husband put the kid down, which is exactly what we do. Yeah. Like, you know, we've no one else has ever put our son to bed apart from us, like.
00:32:55:21 - 00:33:14:01
Unknown
And I think, you know, if he's in bed and he's asleep at 8:00 and you want to go out on a Saturday night, then I think that's great and take that opportunity. But yeah, there's no reason to. I mean, also it's like it's weird with the whole out of state thing, like how how does the mother in law think that's going to work?
00:33:14:01 - 00:33:33:18
Unknown
Like they're all going to travel out of state, leave the baby, travel back and then like just go back and get her like in a couple of weeks? It's like, it's weird. Well, I mean, I don't want to say am I don't know. I don't want to say weird because I know a lot of people do this. So it's just something that I am not interested in.
00:33:33:20 - 00:33:50:08
Unknown
I think it's yeah, I think it's just it's someone else's. But if they don't have like the baby doesn't know her, it seems like they don't have the relationship. I mean, I'm sure there's lots of people that are much closer to their families than this situation. And in that situation, it's probably perfectly normal to leave and leave the baby.
00:33:50:11 - 00:34:23:11
Unknown
But in this situation where she doesn't even really she doesn't seem to have that close relationship or really care too well, I think that even when people leave their their kids with in-laws or parents for extended periods of time early on to go on trips or whatever, I, I think it's pretty reasonable to say that even those kids don't know the parent, the grandparents that well, because, I mean, they're one you know the Graham almost the grandparent lives with you, right, or lives next door and they come over every day.
00:34:23:13 - 00:34:48:12
Unknown
So really, it's just a you know, it's a kind of thing where we're going to take advantage of of free childcare. And it's really not really a concern about most people. People aren't really thinking about well, they don't really know grandparents very well. They're just thinking, well, they'll get to know him this way. And, you know, I can just tell you right now, I, I would I would be very upset, even as, I don't know, like a ten year old.
00:34:48:12 - 00:35:09:17
Unknown
If my parents left me in Louisiana with my grandmother, I guess I do not. I don't care if I know her well or like it's, just it's because it's like I still don't know you like that. You know, like I grew up in Texas. She's in Louisiana. I know her, but I don't. Like, what are we going to talk about?
00:35:09:17 - 00:35:30:18
Unknown
Like, it's and I know it's different for other people like you. Yeah. A different situation. Yeah. Like I. I used to love having sleepovers at my dad's house. It was like a treat, you know, to do that. But, I mean, she lived in my hometown. We saw her all the time, and it was when I was an older kid, you know, it was like when I was a baby, cause, like, what are you going to remember from that anyway?
00:35:30:18 - 00:35:49:15
Unknown
Right, right, right. There's no value. There's no value, I think. Okay. So this is like the thing that I think is pretty big for me when the value add is is more for you than the kid. I just I don't know, like, it kind of makes me a little uneasy about it. If it's like, Oh, this will be great for me.
00:35:49:15 - 00:36:08:11
Unknown
And, and, you know, while the kid is just he's a kid, so he doesn't really have much of a say that Just I don't know. I think I think if we spend more time thinking about what's what's in the best interest of the child, you know, we should be thinking about that, not just in the context of, you know, people getting divorced and figuring out in the courts.
00:36:08:13 - 00:36:29:06
Unknown
We should be thinking about that in the context of just, you know, everyday life. Like, is it in the in the kid's best interest for me to sleep in or for me to, you know, half ass it with the bedtime routine or whatever it is, just because I've got to get work done like you are still important, but kind of like baseball, right?
00:36:29:06 - 00:36:49:14
Unknown
Like where the tie goes to the runner, the tie goes to the kid, and like, we should be looking for, like, putting the kid at an advantage because they're the one that's developing. They're the one that is growing. They're the one who's new to this world. You've been here before like you. You should be able to self-regulate enough to, like, manage things, not going exactly the way you want them to.
00:36:49:18 - 00:37:07:15
Unknown
Like, I don't know. Yeah. And I liked what she said about, you know, I've been when you want a baby for as long as she obviously has and she's had the miscarriages and stuff and she's like, I've been living this life for 38 years. It's like, Yeah, that sounds like somebody that's really ready to have a kid and committed to have a kid.
00:37:07:15 - 00:37:28:15
Unknown
And that's where you should be when you have a kid. It's like, Yeah, like I don't come first anymore. The kid comes first. Yeah. And this is just how it's going to be like, for a while. Yeah. And, you know. Well, yeah, take care of yourself. Of course. But yeah, yeah, but, you know, in terms of, like, practical things, you know?
00:37:28:21 - 00:37:48:09
Unknown
Right. Well, yeah, I mean, practical things take care of yourself, but like, the luxuries, the niceties, the extras, you know, Hey, do yoga. But do you need to go to the yoga class? Can you do it at home? Or maybe there's, like, just one yoga class a week instead of, like, three times a week. There's yeah, there's, there's all kinds of compromises.
00:37:48:09 - 00:38:07:10
Unknown
And I think a lot of times, you know, you see people have kids and they they're like, I'm going to do my best to to like, keep my life exactly the same. And it's like, you know, we mentioned the guy before who had like pie in the sky ideas. He was just expecting to have an awesome experience where he was still able to pursue his dreams and goals.
00:38:07:13 - 00:38:30:02
Unknown
That's totally that's totally real. But like when were saying, well, I just want to like, dump my kid off, um or with grandparents happy to to to throw out the option. Well, that's what we're saying. Hey, it doesn't matter if you're the best best Gramps grandparents, Earth. This is my job. Like, I'm going to take this job. Those first five years, 90% of the brain development.
00:38:30:02 - 00:38:53:24
Unknown
I want that. That's that's what I want. You know, you can you can spend time with them after I've helped a fully formed, mostly from them anyway. Yeah. Uh, okay. So those were our stories I hope you guys enjoyed if you stuck around and great job comment. We appreciate it. We love you. Yeah. Let us know how you feel about this.
00:38:53:24 - 00:39:14:12
Unknown
Uh, this new set up. We've got two cameras. We're not next to each other on camera, but we are nice to each other. Like, you know. Look, she's right there, so I don't know. Let me know. Yeah. Curious feedback. Yeah. See you next time, y'all. Thanks, I.