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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You can mentor. On today's episode of the You Can Mentor Podcast, I'm with my man, Derrick Sire, mentoring expert, mentoring genius.
Speaker 1:And we ask the question, when mentoring is done well, you..dot. We talk about five things. Number one, you learn more about yourself. Number two, you grow in direct and indirect areas. Number three, you become more generous.
Speaker 1:Number four, you meet more people. And number five, you remain youthful. There is some gold in this podcast as me and Derrick just riff on why mentoring is so important, not just for your mentee, but for you as a follower of Jesus. I promise. I promise.
Speaker 1:I promise. If you mentor in the name of Jesus and if you allow it to, it will make you look more like Jesus, which will help you in every area of your life. Mentoring is amazing for the mentee and their families and for your community, but it's just as powerful, if not more, for you as a follower of Jesus. Go therefore and make disciples. So much more is caught than taught.
Speaker 1:Freely you have received, freely you give, and God just does something whenever you invest in into the lives of others. You can mentor. We love you. Share this with your friends, your mentoring friends, volunteers, whoever you think would benefit. Give us that five star.
Speaker 1:Amen. See you. Welcome to the Youth Mentor Podcast. This is Zach. I'm with Derrick.
Speaker 1:Derrick, say hi.
Speaker 2:What's up? What's up? What's up, people?
Speaker 1:Derrick and I just got on here talking about god knows what. We're just
Speaker 2:We always do that.
Speaker 1:Oh, we We're just coming in scattered this morning, guys. But I know. That doesn't mean that doesn't mean that we don't have an abundance of mentoring wisdom to share with you on this podcast.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You know, the the one thing that I love about doing this for so long is that like, what you get me going? Like, what's in the pot just for It's like, what if you you you get me talking about something that I love, whether it's food or golf or parenting or whatever it is. Like, if you get me going, you stir me up, then the the good stuff that's still on the bottom, it just starts to come up. So it's always one of two, man.
Speaker 2:I'm always excited.
Speaker 1:Kinda like a yogurt. You know? It's like all of the good stuff's at the bottom. You just kinda got stirred up a little bit.
Speaker 2:Know? Stir up. Stir it up. Stir Stir it it up. Stir
Speaker 1:man. That's the thing. It's like, we just love mentoring, and we're just gonna talk about it. And sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's you know, sometimes it's out there, but someone's gonna get something from it.
Speaker 1:I know that much.
Speaker 2:Always. And I think that actually goes right into our conversation today. The good part's about an intern.
Speaker 1:That's right. Okay. So I sent Derrick a text about thirty six minutes ago. Was like, hey. Tell me what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1:And he said something that kinda caught it was cool because it kinda hit on something that I've been feeling over this past season as well. So, Derrick, why don't you tell the audience, the great audience out there that is sacrificing their time and resources to mentor kids in the name of Jesus. Tell them what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just, I started thinking about, like, the like, what has mentoring done for me? Like, when I do mentoring well, like, when everything is flowing well and all my assumptions and suspicions suspicions, when all these things are just flowing well, like, what do I get out of it?
Speaker 2:It's like I learn more about myself. I grow in these places. My generosity increases. I get to learn and meet more people. Like, all these really cool things.
Speaker 2:But when I think about all those things, it's just like it's just fun. Right? Like, I just get joy from from doing it even even when it's it's not firing on all cylinders. I get to kinda recenter and resettle and reframe. And I just gotta remind myself that, you know, all things work to the good of those that love God and are called according to his purpose that like, all these things come back and they fit a very joyous framework.
Speaker 2:Right? It's like even if we wanted to continue to use the bible as a framework, we talk about the joy of the lord is our strength. And so we can find joy in those hard things. Right on the back end of that joy comes from strength, comes from affirmation. Right?
Speaker 2:It's almost it's like when I'm at home and my wife and I get into a little set. Like, one of the things that I do to resettle and refocus and reframe is to remind myself of how much I love her. Like, we have built this life together in laundry. Right? The bible says there's no no mountain nor valley nor right?
Speaker 2:I have to do this sometimes with my wife. I'm like, no dish, no hangar, no Ross return or purchase. No like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I remind myself, like, and when I begin to think about those joyous things that we we experience at as a couple in partnership or relationship, then strength comes right behind it. Like, I get my second wind, and I'm like, you know what?
Speaker 2:She ain't so bad. You know what saying? Like, she alright. And I think in mentoring, that happens as well. So the things that we have to tap into that makes us continue to meet that kid again and again and again is joy.
Speaker 2:I think when we are able to decide that all things work and then on the back of the the joy of the Lord, like, comes our strength, then we meet that kid again, then we try again, then we have the conversation again. But I think it's the joy that continues to bring us back.
Speaker 1:Mandy, if if someone would have told me when I first got married how many conversations we would have about Amazon returns.
Speaker 2:Bro.
Speaker 1:Bro. Bro. That's like 30% of my marriage is, like, talking about, hey. Did you buy this on Amazon? We
Speaker 2:Bro, is that your charge? Hey. Is this box yours? Oh, yes. I am going to Whole Foods.
Speaker 2:Do want me to drop that off? Oh, yeah. I'm going out to you want me okay.
Speaker 1:Oh, man. No. But seriously, though, like, I think one thing that's really important here is a shift of mindset. It's a shift of perspective. Okay?
Speaker 1:Because most people get into mentoring and even me. And we talk about this often because it is it is foundational. And we, by nature, will slip back into this. I have something to offer. I am going to fix this kid, and I am doing this for someone else.
Speaker 1:Like, this is 100% sacrificial. Like, I am helping this kid, and it's all about that. It's all about me giving. But when we can remind ourselves that this is a mutually beneficial, that this is actually helping me become more like Jesus.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So good.
Speaker 1:And it is just like in our marriage. Like, when I have a hard time with Sarah, and I'm so focused on her, and I'm saying, well, she I'm like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:But, man, Lord, thank you for giving me an opportunity to become more patient. Thank you, Lord, for giving me an opportunity to keep my mouth shut. Lord, thank you for giving me an opportunity to love unconditionally even though she bought shampoo, and we have seven full bottles underneath
Speaker 2:the sink. Lord, thank you.
Speaker 1:You. Thank you. And it is the same thing in mentoring. Right? When mentoring has done well, number one, you learn more about yourself.
Speaker 1:I have had to learn, man, I am actually way more judgmental than I thought. Yes. Like, we talk a ton about, like, you would need to stay curious. You need to stay curious. Well, the opposite of being curious is being judgmental.
Speaker 1:Because when you're curious, you're open. When you're judgmental, you're closed. I I am just remarkably judgmental, and I am surprised by that because I'm like, man, I thought I loved Jesus. I thought I was a good mentor. But over this season, by hanging out with people that I normally wouldn't hang out with, which is mentoring.
Speaker 1:Right? Mhmm. God has shown shown a spotlight on this. Shown? Shown this
Speaker 2:Shown this spotlight? Shown?
Speaker 1:Shown? Shown? God. God has
Speaker 2:it up.
Speaker 1:Right. And there's a couple more things. Like, man, I am remarkably impatient. And when my kids try to tell me something and I'm like, I heard the first five words and I didn't hear the next five or six minutes because I'm too busy thinking about how I'm I will fix you. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm oh, god. Lord, help me. But, like Yeah. That is beneficial to me. Like, that is helping me become more like Jesus, and that's gonna help me in my work, in my marriage, as a father, as a friend.
Speaker 1:And so it's like, are we helping, this kid become more like Jesus? Yeah. Probably. But more than anything, we're becoming more like Jesus whenever we, right, whenever we do the things that he's asked us to do.
Speaker 2:So Yeah. You know, I was thinking how much joy I get from, like, realizing those things. I'm doing some leadership stuff here in Oklahoma City, and it's called a a b series. It's like how we wanna be at work or be in a relationship. And the number one thing before we get into all the other things is we talk about awareness.
Speaker 2:And so when I become more aware of these things that, service obstacles or opportunities obstacles that prevent me from connecting well and opportunities for me to improve, I think as a mentor, when I realized that, hey. If you would have just like I know you caught the first five sentences, and after the first five words, first five sentences, you're like, oh, I already know what the problem is. Oh, I already I already got it locked in. The the other ten minutes of you rambling along is just me just waiting to get to to jump in and tell you what's wrong and what we're gonna do and how we're gonna fix this and how we're gonna move forward. Like, when I realize that's what I do, when I realize that I can be judgmental, when I realize I can be impatient, when I realize those things, because those have served as obstacles to connecting well and serving well, they also serve as opportunities for me to learn more about myself and to connect better with the people around me.
Speaker 2:And so the the joy of, like, being like, oh, that's what I've been doing. And then I get the opportunity, the grace, the patience, the forgiveness, to correct that wrong and improve the way that we connect because I've become aware of those things. And as you were talking, was like, oh, man. I love that. Like, the opportunity, like, the second and third chances that I get with people to to right the wrong and to redirect that energy that I've just been pouring in different places.
Speaker 2:And so as we're talking about joy today, that just kinda came, popped up in my mind.
Speaker 1:Man, and and so when Mentoring has done well, you learn more about yourself, which leads to, hopefully, if we're humble, if we're teachable, if we're fat, right, if we're faithful, available, teachable, not fat like us, right, not fat like the guy who just ate an entire pan of nachos at 10:45AM for no reason.
Speaker 2:For no reason.
Speaker 1:But fast Man, can we talk this first thing about nachos? Let's do
Speaker 2:it, man. Let's do it.
Speaker 1:Golly, man. I mean, is there this is what's so funny. All of my favorite foods are the same food. I nachos, quesadillas, tacos, they're all the same. Just and I'm just coward.
Speaker 2:Appreciate it differently.
Speaker 1:Okay. So one, you learn more about yourself, which hopefully leads to growing in direct and indirect areas. And, guys, I it is surprising and downright kinda funny that mentoring is so simple. Mhmm. And at the same time, it is so remarkably complicated.
Speaker 1:Like Be Just because it's simple doesn't mean it's easy. And So being reflective and, like, what did you say not being reflective, but, like, thinking about being being aware? Aware. Aware. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Being aware is so hard because it takes time. It takes space. It takes humility, a remarkable amount of humility
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That that can help us grow in direct and indirect areas. And so just like marriage is one of the hardest things that I've ever done, just like being a father is one of the hardest things that I've ever done, just like being a leader. Being a mentor is very difficult, but if you allow it, and it's a choice, it's an if, then you will grow in direct and indirect areas.
Speaker 2:You know, Zach, I was thinking, as you were talking about, like, the the difficulty, like, the challenges, the effort and the energy required to inmates to make to become one, to be in relationships with a child over the span of their lifetime, like, and kind of help direct and rear them, guide them in every phase, right, from being a baby to crawling, to walking, to running, to decision making, to potty training. So, you know, like, as we do that, I was thinking of, like, one of the reasons, as we talk about mentoring, that we consistently use family as a reference is because it it I I believe that the kingdom of heaven models that relationship. You and I talked about the greatest mentor this earth has ever seen in Jesus Christ. I honestly believe that. You get examples of him being patient and stern and being loving and kind and flipping tables and, you know, feeding people.
Speaker 2:It looks like we just got to see the full humanity of God with people as he was teaching them how to do life and do ministry. And one of the things that I've noticed is that, that I believe Jesus' most difficult mentee in Peter was the one who kept closest. Like, p like, we see an example hand inside. Peter, like, get behind me. Like, Peter, cut people's ears off like, bro, calm down.
Speaker 2:Put your sword. They're putting the ears back on like, Peter, you gonna feed my sheep? No. And just it looks as if Jesus was really leaning into Peter. I believe he spent so much time and energy and focus because he knew, he saw, he believed what Peter could become.
Speaker 2:And when Peter we did this at the gathering. When I talked about Jesus and Peter, and when Jesus had left, and Peter's in the upper room, and he stands up, and everybody's nervous about Peter because they don't know if he's gonna chop the ear off or if he's gonna, like what Peter does, he begins to preach the he begins to preach the gospel, and Jesus is in heaven. And he's like, yes. Like, all that time that I spent with his knucklehead stepping out of the boat, sinking in the water, chopping people's ears off, telling them to get behind me. I'll call them Satan going firm.
Speaker 2:Like, I'm saying, like, all this stuff that that Jesus did with with Peter, like, it paves off. And and the joy that I believe that heaven and Jesus felt in that moment is the the essence of mentorship that we have to hold on to along the way. As we see our our kids, just kind of, achieve these milestones and the joy that I feel when my kid begins to feed themselves, when they begin to walk, when they begin to potty train, when they begin to sleep through the night, when they begin like, these joyous moments, we can't get so derailed and unfocused by the setbacks, because we know that joy sustains us and that there's some more good things coming.
Speaker 1:Hey, man. What a here's a word that I've been thinking about as of late. It's maturity. And I'm 43, and I want so badly to be, like, that old man who's, like, 70 and just can't and just can't take anything. I'm like Ain't no Like, I've got a beard.
Speaker 1:Like, I'm never in a hurry. I'm all I'm always making people feel like they're the most important person. I'm just wise. Whenever someone, like, asks me something, I just laugh for no reason. And I was like, oh, god's got it.
Speaker 1:You know, just, like, so filled with faith. Yeah. And I think one thing that this can do when you experience these obstacles in mentoring and it gives you a choose to grow, it's like some of the worst I say worst mentors. That's a strong term. But some of the most ineffective mentors are the ones who have their heels dug in.
Speaker 1:And Yeah. They
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:They only have one or two solutions. You know? Well, you just need to read your bible more, or you just need to do this more, or you just need to do you know? Which that might be the answer. It might not be.
Speaker 1:But we need to be so malleable, so humble, so flexible to be able to adapt to whatever our mentee needs. It's like Jesus flipped tables and he washed feet. Like Yay. Those are two opposite ends of the spectrum. And so you need to be so aware of what your mentee needs, and you need to be so aware of how the Lord wants you to minister to them in this area.
Speaker 1:And then you need to be humble and dependent enough on the spirit to kinda morph into that for your mentee's sake. And so it is like, man, if, like, being a being a humble mentor, which I do believe being consistent is so important, being faithful, but being humble is an absolute necessity in being a godly mentor. When you are humble, god can work through you and and and grow you into someone who looks more like him. It's hard. It takes some time.
Speaker 1:But, man, like Yeah. That's a benefit to your mentee. Yes. But that's a benefit to you. Like Yeah.
Speaker 1:You should mentor because mentoring will help you look more like Jesus. And that should be our end goal in life, period. End of story. When we look more like Jesus, everything gets better. We're better in our families.
Speaker 1:We're better at work. We're better in our you know? And so Hey. Yeah. It's good.
Speaker 2:Man, I gotta jump in there. You said you said a mouthful. You you said three things that I I wanna jump I wanna circle back on. Like, if we're talking about opposites, like, opposite of curiosity is being judgmental, I believe the the opposite of digging your heels in is staying light on your feet and staying nimble. Right?
Speaker 2:And and part of that staying nimble, being nimble, being flexible is goes to my second point of being humble. Right? Humility admits that I don't know everything, and I'm receptive to being, like, wrong or corrected, which leads me to the third thing is when I think about I I wish I was handy. I'm not handy at all. Like, I pay people to do these simplest things.
Speaker 2:Like, my wife was like, hey. Can you hang those curtains? And I was like I called the friend. I was like, hey, man. Like, can you come hang these curtains?
Speaker 2:And he's like, you want me come hang your curtain? I will pay you, my friend, to hang these curtains. And I tell you why. It's because sometimes when I, when I go to do a job at my house, I realize that I don't have the skill set and I don't have the tools. And if I approach a job and I don't have the tools, what I normally do is I go to the store and I get the tool that I need.
Speaker 2:And when the next job comes up, I look at my toolkit and I'm like, I don't have the tool. And then I go to the store, and I get what I need, and I come back. Now if I do this enough, my tool kit, my tool belt, my toolbox will will grow over time. And I think that's what happens in mentorship. Like, when you approach a kid who has a situation and you don't have that tool, man, we gotta run to Jesus.
Speaker 2:We gotta run to to to the bible. We gotta get on our face. We gotta pray. And I honestly believe that the bible says if those who who lack wisdom, who seek it, they ask, and God will give it to them liberally. Like, he'll he's he's eager to give you the tool that you need to do the job that he's told you to do.
Speaker 2:I think that when we approach mentorship and we don't have it, then we gotta go get the tool. Like, we gotta go find it. And I think sometimes that comes on our face. It comes on our on our knees. But I think it sometimes it comes through relationship with other mentors that have that toolkit.
Speaker 2:I don't always go to Home Depot and Lowe's. Sometimes my friend around the corner has the tool, and I go I go get it from him. But I think we we don't even go get the tool, or we don't realize that we don't have it or we can't meet that need or just the issue because, one, we're not humble, two, because our heels are dug in. And if our heels are dug in, then we're not light on our feet, we're not humble enough to realize that we could be wrong or we don't have the right approach, then we'll never go seek out what we need in order to be the best mentor that we can be.
Speaker 1:Man, that that brings me to our to our third point, which is meet more people. And, like, yes, you are gonna meet kids, and you're gonna meet their family, and you're gonna meet their coaches, you're gonna meet their teachers, you're gonna meet their aunts and uncles, and it's gonna be But it's also if you're mentoring alone without community, you're missing out just, like, straight up. Like, it is significantly more difficult. It's not nearly as fun. It's way more frustrating.
Speaker 1:And so get get with other mentors, whether they're mentors from your church, mentors from your home group, small group, life group, wherever all of the groups, mentors from the not for profit. Like, make sure that you are mentoring in groups. And if you're a mentoring leader and you oversee volunteers, I highly encourage you to create small groups. Like, hey. All of y'all are mentoring kids from this school.
Speaker 1:Y'all go grab coffee once a month and just toss it out there. What's good? What's hard? Yeah. Tell me what you're learning.
Speaker 1:If you ask those three questions, guys are gonna get edified, and we we have to stay humble. We have to surround ourselves with people. And just like what you said, ask for help. Hey, guys. My kid's doing a, b, and c, I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1:Hey. My kid seems like he's becoming this, this, and this, and I don't know how to best serve him. My kid's mom is experiencing this, and I don't know how to encourage her. Right? And so, like, in, like, there is, in in abundance of counselors, that's a really good thing.
Speaker 1:And so surround yourself with other people and be quick to ask for help. Like, men, especially us, like, we are so we can be so stubborn sometimes and not ask for help. It is okay if you don't know what you're doing. In fact, I would say if you think you know what you're doing, that's a red flag for me. Because I don't know about you, but my kid the kid that I'm mentoring was different last week, was different a month ago, was different a year ago, and will be different next week.
Speaker 1:And so it is like, for me to be the best mentor that I can be, it's it's not, a good idea. It's not a best practice. It's a necessity for me to surround myself with people and to share, hey. Here's what's going on in my mentoring relationship. What do you see that I don't see?
Speaker 1:How can you help me become more like Jesus for the sake of this kid? Yeah.
Speaker 2:When you said when you said group mentoring, I thought of of two approaches to group mentorship. One is, like, mentors getting together with other mentors. I also thought of me as a mentor bringing my mentee to a group of people that are doing the same thing. And I and I thought about, you know, we're we're we're trainers. We're sharers.
Speaker 2:We're teachers by by nature, Zach, you and I. And so, like, we the ability for us to see a teachable moment in almost anything, it comes it comes really quickly. And so, you know, I I talk in points. And so I I thought about three things. It's like, one, when I when I get into communities like that, not only do I get to see what my other mentees are doing or my other mentors are doing with their kids, but I get to verify, blue check, that adult to that kid.
Speaker 2:You can tell me how many times I've, like, came up on on a mentor and his his kid, and I'm like, you know how cool your you know how cool this guy is? Like, do you know how how verified? Like, this dude has a blue check with me. Like, this dude is awesome. And I get a text later, and he's like, hey, man.
Speaker 2:Thanks for that. Like, we've been, you know, struggling and you know, like, he he he doesn't think I'm cool. He doesn't believe me. Right? He he also gets to do that for me.
Speaker 2:He also gets to do that for me when he sees me. So that's one and two. The third thing is I think those mentees get to see other other kids being mentored. And so, hey. You're not the only one that needs help.
Speaker 2:You're not the only one with someone older in your life. You're not the only one. So not only do we have a community as mentors and mentees have community where other people are being mentied and have safe adults in their life as well. So I think when we get in groups like that, I think so much magic happens, man. It's such a dope environment.
Speaker 2:And we do have we do receive, like, there is wisdom in in a council, of folks, and so we gotta we gotta do that.
Speaker 1:Well, Anne, just like so much more is caught than taught, you can't be or you can't see. And, like Hey. Men men are historically bad at friendships. Right? I mean, you and your man, what's his name?
Speaker 1:Doe. Taylor Doe. Yeah. You guys, I'm so jealous of y'all. I just wanna be in your friend group.
Speaker 1:But, like, there's a reason why y'all are doing this. Share just for thirty seconds about that.
Speaker 2:Yep. So Taylor Doe and I, we, in 2023, we were hanging out at the end of the the year, and, he was like, man, how many people do you hang out with? Like, and I was like, I don't know. He was like, go back to your calendar and look at it. And so I looked at it, and he was at the top of my list, somewhere probably around 50 or 60 times we saw each other over the year.
Speaker 2:And he was like, I wonder if we can get to a 100. And I was like, let's do it. So 2024, we spent a whole year trying to get 100 Hangouts. We actually did it, in 2024. In 2025, we did it again, but in 2024, we encouraged other people to do it.
Speaker 2:And so we had other people around us in our friend circles. We encouraged them to get into community, to hang out with people more intentionally. And so the number of hangouts with the people around us also went up. So we shared it in 2024. In 2025, people around the country who caught caught wind of our post, they began to hang out as well.
Speaker 2:And so 2026, we are now we've launched the website, and it gives people the opportunity to receive accountability from us. So they go in, they say, I'm gonna hang out with Zachary Garza 12 times this year. And then we check-in at the January. We check-in at the February and say, hey. How's your Hangouts doing?
Speaker 2:Send us pictures so we can encourage you. Just because we believe in the impact and the power of community, it happens organically but on purpose. Like, when you when you prioritize block out space, put it on the calendar, and you prioritize people, I believe the impact goes up 10 x.
Speaker 1:And why I think that's important that we talk about that is because men are historically bad at friendships, and it is not good for men to be alone. And our our kids, like, our kids need to see us have friends. Our kids need to see other men poking fun at us and being sarcastic with us and, sharing sharing the good, sharing the bad Yep. These these boys need to see men encouraging, sharpening each other. Because if they don't see men being friends when they get older, they are not going to know that it's vital for men to be friends.
Speaker 2:Oh. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, like good. Any like, so much more is caught than taught. When you hang out with other people and you bring your mentee along, they are they are just soaking it in, and they Yeah. Their minds are going wild. They're like, oh, so this is what it looks like to have a conversation.
Speaker 1:This is what it looks like to be vulnerable. This is what it looks like to have fun in inappropriate way. This is what it looks like to depend on someone and to be weak in a way that is actually beneficial. This is what it looks like. And so, we need to model that.
Speaker 1:And when you're in relationship, relationships change lives. That's a relationship with Jesus, a relationship with your mentee, a relationship with your mentee's mom and their family, and then your relationship with other mentors that your mentee can watch. So it's just modeling, modeling, modeling. We are so sometimes, we are so stuck on, I need to teach my mentee things. And we forget that you know so much more than you think, and you just living life and inviting your mentee along with you is actually giving them everything that they need because they're not gonna remember a thing you said.
Speaker 1:May maybe a thing. Sorry if I'm going off. They aren't gonna remember too much that you said when they're 40 years old, but they're gonna remember when they saw you be vulnerable with your friend who is another mentor, who is mentoring a kid. They're gonna remember that, and they're gonna say, oh, I need to be vulnerable because a man is vulnerable. I need to serve and give back and be a mentor because that's what I saw.
Speaker 1:So Yeah. And I didn't
Speaker 2:I didn't just hear about it. I didn't read about it. Right? It's it's a like, like, we talk about bringing heaven heaven to earth. It's it's almost like you're bringing these heavenly concepts to reality.
Speaker 1:Right?
Speaker 2:I think so often, we like, historic history is far away, or the bible is back in time in archaeity. But when we are able to to do those things in real life, where not only can I did I hear about it through text that you told me, but I was there when it happened? Like, I saw him cry. I saw him pull over and push the car out of the road. I saw him give somebody money.
Speaker 2:I saw him kiss his wife. I saw him playing with his kids. I saw him wear it too, but also cool shorts and tennis shoes. Like, I saw him praying. I saw him like, when I when I look back and I can think of the things that stuck the most with me, it was the things that I saw, like, firsthand, modeled, example, prioritized.
Speaker 2:Like, those are things that I think when we talk about mentorship, there's, like, this we can we can calculate what we said and the time we spent and the dollars, you know, things like that. But it's all the it's the gray matter. It's the dark matter in between those moments that I believe have the most impact. So I'm so glad you said that. I'm so glad you pointed that out.
Speaker 1:And this leads us to our to our fourth point, which is all of these things that we're doing, we have an opportunity to become more generous. Guys, freely, we have received. Freely, we give. Right? Like, we we have somewhere along the line, whether it's through a mentor, whether it's through college, or whether it's through your parents or your grandparents or your coaches, somewhere along the line, we have learned all of this stuff.
Speaker 1:We have learned that following Jesus is is the best decision that you will ever make. We have learned that getting married and working in that and not giving up and staying faithful is really, really great. Having kids is one of the best things that I've ever done. I Oh, man. Most of the time.
Speaker 1:Most of the time. Except for when they don't eat their dinner. God help me.
Speaker 2:They're not gonna eat it because I'm obligated to finish my kids' food. Do. Fat.
Speaker 1:The the because I'm a bad fat. We have learned that having male friendships, having friends, going to small group, working hard, submitting, we have learned all that stuff somewhere. Yeah. And we get to be generous with our time, generous with our money, generous with our experiences because someone was once that to us. And that.
Speaker 1:You haven't figured this out yet, it really is better to give than to receive. You have all the money in the world. I know people who have tens of millions of dollars who are miserable, and I know people who make 70,000 a year who are so happy because one is generous and one is tight fisted.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And and I
Speaker 1:Be a sorry. Be a river, not a pond. A pond, everything stays within the confines and it gets stagnant. But a river, it just goes through.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I I was gonna say be creative with our generosity. Right? I think if, like, there's so when we think of resources and we think of, like, generosity, I think it's so easy to settle with money and time. But I think there's an element of, like, sharing space, sharing our families, sharing our failures.
Speaker 2:Right? Sharing our inadequacies and deficiencies. And, of course, that come all of those things come with wisdom. They come with time. They come with relationship.
Speaker 2:They come with death. Right? It's like, you don't wanna lead with that stuff. Right? Because maybe you your your relationship isn't solidified enough for them to be able to handle that, or you don't know their story, so you don't know what's triggering to them.
Speaker 2:You don't know what they're gonna take and share with somebody else. So we gotta be we gotta be wise with those things. We don't want everybody being in our home. Like, you know, we gotta be wise with those things. But I the more time you spend with the mentee, the more creative you can be with your generosity.
Speaker 2:Because time and and, and money, for most people, are the easiest things to do. There's so many people that are willing to write a check and just because they don't have the time or people who don't have money, they give their time. So time and money, those were the things that people are normally generous with the most, but it's all the other things that I I believe create a very wealthy relationship. And so the longer we spend time with people, the longer we're in relationship with folks, I think the more creative we can be with our generosity.
Speaker 1:And you share your network. You know? Like Yes. Especially if you are wealthy in relationships, you know, and some of our kids just don't have that, and it's like, man, like, that can really be super impactful. The last thing as we kinda close out, and this might be I I mean, all of these are so important.
Speaker 1:You know? Learn more about yourself. You get to grow. You get to meet more people. You get to become more generous.
Speaker 1:Like, all of these, I'm just like the that that is Jesus. But the fifth one is you you remain youthful. Like Mhmm. My mentor is 96 years old. His name is Papa Don Finto.
Speaker 1:And
Speaker 2:What's up, Papa?
Speaker 1:What's up, dude? And he see him in the back right there?
Speaker 2:No. Yeah. No.
Speaker 1:Him? Is he See him.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's him. Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Him.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Is he 96 in he's out?
Speaker 1:No. He's, like, 89 in that picture. He looks like a, you know, looks like a spring chicken. But He looks
Speaker 2:good. Wow.
Speaker 1:Well, that's the thing. You hang out with him. I got to go overseas with him a couple times, talk about being generous, talk about getting to meet new people. I am where I am because of this man. And he is 96, and you hang out with him, and he has more energy than I do.
Speaker 1:I swear. And we ask him this all the time. We say, Don Yeah. How are you so youthful? And he said, two things.
Speaker 1:I hang out with young people, and I do not take a look in the mirror. What? He's like, my spirit is still young. My body might be old, but my spirit is young, and it's young because I hang out with these young people. And I get to to feed off of their creativity and feed off of their life and feed off of their energy.
Speaker 1:And this is what I'll say. I've seen so many old people when they retire. They just hang out with old people, and they talk about three things. They talk about their medicine, and they talk about their vacations, and they talk about how they're how they're getting sick. Those are, like, the only things that they talk about.
Speaker 1:But when you hang out with young people, there's two ways to look at it. This kid talks a lot. This kid is annoying. This kid focuses all about himself. Or you can say, this kid is so full of life.
Speaker 1:Man, this kid has so much vision and so much enthusiasm. Right? Like Mhmm. Like, you can see it both ways. And so when you're hanging out with your mentee and they're going crazy, instead of being like, this is annoying, be like, man, how can I get some of that energy?
Speaker 1:Like Yeah. What everyone can be your teacher. What can I learn from this kid? Like, I love hanging out like, there's a guy that I spend time with. He's in his late twenties, and he thinks he can conquer the world.
Speaker 1:He thinks he can conquer the world. Yep. And there's a part of me that's like, you're you're arrogant. You're crazy. And then there's a part of me that's like, Zach, how come you don't think like that?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then I'm like, oh oh. So remain youthful. If when mentoring is done well, it gives you life. It gives you longevity. It helps you remain youthful.
Speaker 1:Jesus talks all the time about how about the children, the children, the children, and mentoring can help you become more childlike. You know, as you were
Speaker 2:talking, was thinking about this old Tiger Woods interview. And there's a guy that's interviewing him. He's like, so, you know, what's what's your your plan? Like, what are you anticipating coming into the tournament? And Tiger's like, I wanna win.
Speaker 2:And he's like, you wanna win? He's like, yeah. He's like, you wouldn't be happy with, you know, second or third place? Tiger was like, well, I just figured if I'm gonna come to a tournament, like, why play if I'm not gonna win? And the guy's like, you'll learn.
Speaker 2:You'll learn. But in the background, what a lot of people don't know is that Tiger Woods' dad was saying, like, why would you do that to a young person? Like, why you heard what he said. Like, why would you try to deter him from coming in here, like, with this confidence? Like, I built this kid up his entire life to be confident and to think this way and to move this way.
Speaker 2:Like, why would you so a lot of people don't know that part of the interview, but I think about this a lot, Zach. I'm like, how often have I told a kid out of good intentions trying to help them prepare, embrace for this mean, cruel world, and how many times have I accidentally, unintentionally kind of smoldered their fire? Or how you know, like, how many times have I done that with good intentions? And so I love the fact that you said that, like, youthfulness. Like, when the the the disciples were trying to keep the kids from Jesus, was like, oh, look at you know?
Speaker 2:Oh, there's the guy that we heard about. In my mind, this is how I'm playing it out. Oh, is that the guy that kills people? Is that the guy that and they run to Jesus and the disciples shout at him, he's like, no. No.
Speaker 2:No. I'll let him through. Like, we got time. In fact, the only way to get to the kingdom of heaven is to be like man. Right?
Speaker 2:And so I think we are reminded oftentimes when we see these things, it's almost a a mirror. Like, I remember when I used to do that, when I used to be ambitious, when I had this blinding, bright optimism about life. And so I think the older we get and we see a lot of things, I think we're reminded or we can be reminded or we can tap into that energy and that euphemence by staying around young people.
Speaker 1:Man, I remember some kids, like, he was, like, eight. He's like, I'm gonna go to the NBA. I was like, no. You're not. You're hair, fat, and slow.
Speaker 1:And it crushed him. It crushed him. He cried. He cried. He cried.
Speaker 1:He cried. And me, in my immaturity, I was, like, 30 at the time. I was like, why is this kid so upset? It's obvious he's not gonna go to but what I wish that I would have done is, hey, man. Let's do it.
Speaker 1:Let's try as hard as we can. Let's build that work ethic. Let's figure out how to make it happen. And that might he might have held on to that dream for ten years, and two things would have happened. Either he would have, gone to the league or he would have gained some really good things like work ethic, like perseverance.
Speaker 1:You know? I mean or failed miserably, but I I could still coach him through that. There's still things to learn through that. So Yeah. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's it's it's important, and
Speaker 2:So good.
Speaker 1:That's all we got. Okay. So when mentoring is done well, you learn more about yourself. You grow in direct and indirect areas. You meet more people.
Speaker 1:You become more generous. You remain youthful. And, man, all of that is so good. So let's change the mindset that it's that it's our job to fix. It's our job to teach.
Speaker 1:It's our job to instruct. And let's remember that God is doing just as much, if not more, in our own hearts to make us look more like him. And we can, have that perspective while entrusting that as he makes us look more like him, he's also gonna make our mentees look more like
Speaker 2:him as well. So Amen.
Speaker 1:Alright. That's all I got. Let's go eat
Speaker 2:some nachos. Hey. Guess what? You can mentor.
Speaker 1:You can mentor. See you. Later. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor Podcast. Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries.
Speaker 1:We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources, and collaborative gatherings. Check out our books, come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering, and engage with our network and cohorts. You can find all this at ucanmentor.com or on social media. Please share this episode with a mentoring friend and leave us that five star review. Thank you.
Speaker 1:You can mentor.