📓 Show Notes: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/231
Mystery Maniacs Episode! In Podcast 231, a killer uses spilled water, a road sign, a bull, and a jet ski to clear the way. I’m going to need a chart! Oh, look—Mike has one!
📓 Show Notes: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/231
Mystery Maniacs Episode! In Podcast 231, a killer uses spilled water, a road sign, a bull, and a jet ski to clear the way. I’m going to need a chart! Oh, look—Mike has one!
With a Stamp by Twin Musicom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Artist: http://www.twinmusicom.org/
Creators & Guests
Host
Mark Bell
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs
Host
Sarah Smith-Robbins
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs
What is Mystery Maniacs?
Mystery Maniacs Podcast is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to British Mystery Television. Formerly, Midsomer Maniacs podcast.
Sarah:
And they've got their bloody ponchos on, and they're like,
Both:
it was so great. It was so perfect.
Mark:
Hey, maniacs.
Sarah:
Hey, maniacs.
Mark:
Welcome to Mystery Maniacs, a comedy recap podcast dedicated to mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of the show including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love. This week, Broken Wood Mysteries season five episode three, Tontine. Tontine. Tatooine.
Mark:
No. Tontine. Tontine. Okay. Yes.
Sarah:
I'm Mark. I'm Sarah.
Mark:
And this is a spoiler podcast.
Sarah:
We're gonna ruin it.
Mark:
And, we'd also like to say off the top that this, particular episode deals with suicide. So
Sarah:
Just a little. Just If you're sensitive to it,
Both:
you know
Mark:
Just to let you know.
Sarah:
Do what you gotta do. I know how it is. But We're not gonna dwell.
Mark:
Your kids are part of a taunting. They're well able to listen to the show.
Sarah:
Tauntines are complicated.
Mark:
They are.
Sarah:
And sort of illegal.
Mark:
Yeah. I don't think what the happens in this episode is entirely illegal.
Sarah:
This will? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you could do it that way.
Mark:
Because if you can have a will like that, oh, boy.
Sarah:
We got ideas.
Mark:
We got four children. Yeah.
Sarah:
Take each other out. Wait. For it.
Mark:
Whoever can win a whoever can run a marathon first.
Both:
Yeah. Oh my god.
Sarah:
That's so
Mark:
amazing. That's horrifically mean.
Sarah:
Meanwhile, our house falls apart. Yep. Everything we own falls apart Yeah. Waiting for one of them to get their crap together and run a marathon. I don't think so.
Sarah:
No. We have an invitation, a kind of challenge to those of you who are in The UK. In October, there's gonna be a stage production of Midsummer Murders Badger's Drift.
Mark:
Yes. According to the Midsummer Murders official Instagram site, England's deadliest county comes to the stage for the first time in Midsummer Murders, the killings at Badger's Drift.
Sarah:
If one of you, brave souls, is near enough by and willing to get some tickets and go, you will be the official Mystery Maniac correspondent.
Mark:
Now have we expect maniac behavior Yes.
Sarah:
This We'll have you on the show afterwards. Yep. Ask you all about it.
Mark:
This gripping and thrilling show is touring The UK this year and throughout 02/1926. Now if they come to America well, they're not gonna come to America.
Sarah:
They're not gonna come to Indiana.
Mark:
If they come to America, we will try to see it,
Both:
of course.
Sarah:
But if one of you happens to be near, and we'll post the link to the little bit of information that they've posted so far.
Mark:
That's the entirety of that information.
Sarah:
But we'll post it. So if you wanna follow it to stay abreast of when those tickets become available, it would be awesome to have somebody on the scene.
Mark:
Speaking of midsummer, there's been lots of talk of dogs on midsummer on the Reddit. On the subreddit?
Sarah:
Yes. Well, people's dogs reacting to the dogs in the podcast in the show.
Mark:
Our dog would have to wake up.
Sarah:
Yeah. She's usually quite asleep tomorrow.
Mark:
Pretty stern picture of Olive in
Sarah:
In the newsletter. Newsletter. When is she not stern? She judges for a living. It's what she does.
Mark:
Very judgy. She's she's also a supervisor. She'll like, when I do the laundry, she'll sit there and watch me do it.
Sarah:
She follows you
Mark:
Yep.
Sarah:
While you get the laundry basket and carry it to the laundry room, and then she sits down and observes you doing it.
Mark:
Yes. She didn't have no help at all.
Sarah:
She was some kind of permit person in her former life.
Both:
Yes. I don't know.
Mark:
So the other thing I've been doing is I've been watching the the social accounts of the people in Midsummer to see when filming begins and things like that. Mhmm. But on Fiona Dolan's blue sky account the other day, I was presented with an image so horrific, I'm sure I probably made a noise.
Sarah:
How bad can it be?
Mark:
Like, beep. So I'm gonna show the picture to Sarah.
Sarah:
I have not seen this.
Mark:
Sarah has not seen the picture. And she is going to say, what is that? So this You've pulled it up, and
Sarah:
you're gonna turn your monitor for me?
Mark:
Yes. This is the picture present. Don't read the text. Okay. Just look at the picture.
Sarah:
Okay. Okay. I'm ready.
Mark:
Can you describe that?
Sarah:
It's somebody wearing, a rabbit costume. I would say it's a child. The head is about doorknob height. This is not a wholesome rabbit costume. It's really dirty, and one of its ears is ripped, and it looks a bit like it's been shot at, maybe.
Sarah:
Is this her child wearing this costume?
Mark:
So this is a thing that would separate UK or UK adjacent people from American people. Because I looked at that and immediately said, Velveteen Rabbit.
Sarah:
Okay. That is the roughest looking Velveteen Rabbit I have ever seen. The Velveteen Rabbit is supposed to be worn through a lot of love, not look like it's been run over by a car half a dozen times and shot at.
Mark:
While she's still in the suit. Yeah. I was just scrolling along in my feed, and I was like, woah. So we'll put a link to this in the show notes.
Sarah:
Velveteen rabbit is, like, brown and soft and has some bare patches from the leaven.
Mark:
But but Fiona Fiona feels our pain. Fiona Fiona definitely understands our pain. Because Fiona says, so my 11 year old, my 11 going on 17 year old has gone into school as Bella from the Twilight series because it's all about looking cool. And I missed the day where she went as the Velveteen Rabbit and frightened the out of all the other students who had never heard of it.
Sarah:
That's great. Oh, we've been watching some good stuff this week. The new series of Survivor started. Yes. It's really good so far.
Sarah:
I know not everybody's into that, but we're
Mark:
into it. It's Nerdviver now. Yeah. It's all nerds all the time. It's fantastic.
Sarah:
But the other show we've been watching, which is much more related to this, is also set in New Zealand.
Mark:
It's called a remarkable place to die or as we like to call it
Sarah:
Girl broken wood.
Mark:
Girl serious broken wood.
Sarah:
Yes.
Mark:
Well, a little more serious
Sarah:
broken
Mark:
wood. At one point in the last episode, they were like, we need to have other cops come in. And I'm like, I have a suggestion.
Sarah:
Call Mike Sims. Call Mike and Sims and Breen right now. It's good.
Mark:
It is good, but it's not super serious. It's not it's not like Happy Valley or No. No. Pleasant Valley or whatever that
Both:
should be.
Sarah:
Like about it is that it has a plot in each episode plus some overarching plots. Yes. So you're not waiting for everything to be resolved until the end of the season.
Mark:
And mysterious stuff. Mhmm. Like, the this episode starts with the body falling out of the sky on a poor other guy.
Sarah:
Landing on someone. It's worse than the parachute accident by by far. Yeah. So that's actually recommend it.
Mark:
You recommend it. Yeah. The lead actress is really good. I think I think they're they do a great job. And their their supporting cast is super good too.
Sarah:
I agree. Well Let's talk Taunteen.
Mark:
Taunteen was released on the 11/11/2018, directed by Thomas Robbins, no relation, and written by James Griffith and Tim Baum. You almost need two people to keep everything straight in this episode.
Sarah:
There are a lot of returning characters like missus Marlowe and Reverend Green, and then Jared comes back from death or whatever. Yeah. And, Jules who because she's gotta be a black widow by now. Right? I mean, was this three?
Mark:
Three.
Sarah:
But then there's also this Nymond family and all of their kids and
Mark:
And then the other family associated with it.
Sarah:
Yeah. There's just a lot to keep straight.
Mark:
Is a ton to keep. Well, Micah's a chart.
Both:
Mhmm.
Sarah:
He makes a logic puzzle.
Mark:
I think I needed to do that too.
Sarah:
It's a bit complicated. But the first one that dies is Lester.
Mark:
Right? So we start with bikes, and I thought this episode was bike, bike, bike, bike, bike. Nope. No. No.
Mark:
No. No. There's no bike chase at the end. Bike dead Lycra.
Sarah:
Onto the next one.
Mark:
Yeah. It's on it's on to the next one. And they go past the graveyard where missus m is and a character that we don't know.
Sarah:
Madison. Madison. Who's unpleasant from the get go.
Mark:
Yes. I would agree. Did you notice all the graves have stones and then stones on top of them? Like, they're
Sarah:
They look like a bed.
Mark:
They look like a bed. Headboard in a bed.
Sarah:
And I'm not sure
Mark:
if that's a New Zealand thing.
Sarah:
I've seen them here.
Mark:
Oh, I've seen them here too, but the whole graveyard's like
Sarah:
that. But it's uniform like that there. And I've I've not seen that here except in, like, New Orleans, places that maybe it's because they flood a lot or something.
Mark:
I don't know. Lots of space there
Sarah:
and no permafrost. They gotta weigh down the bodies?
Mark:
Like, my poor I don't know. My my poor grandma died. My grandma Belle died at Christmas time, and they had to wait.
Sarah:
How long?
Mark:
Till, like, they put her Like, March? Yeah. March or April was the internment. So
Sarah:
Jeez.
Mark:
They had
Sarah:
because they couldn't dig until then?
Mark:
They have every most graveyards in Canada have a place of respectful storage.
Sarah:
Like a mausoleum. Yes. I think I would just dig some holes in advance. Well,
Mark:
you don't know how busy you're gonna be. That's a weird business. You never know how busy you're going to be, but you always know you'll have business.
Sarah:
And you're hoping not to be busier than usual.
Mark:
Yeah. That's a weird business.
Sarah:
Yeah. I guess in the age, the year and now of people buying plots in advance, you can't really just dig a few holes in anticipation. Like, oh, Myrna, you're not looking so great. We're gonna dig your hole before before it gets cold. Yeah.
Sarah:
That's kinda mean.
Mark:
So so we couldn't bury her because the ground was frozen.
Sarah:
So Madison is at the cemetery because her mom is buried there
Both:
Yes.
Sarah:
Who obviously was an overbearing woman who was ill and sort of I don't know. Madison might resent it a little bit that she took care of her.
Mark:
I guess
Sarah:
so. The flowers that she's putting on her grave are datura Yes. Which we would call jimson weed.
Mark:
Yes. Missus m is not impressed.
Sarah:
They're poisonous. Yeah. They look a little bit like lilies, but they're poisonous.
Mark:
No. They're not it's not good stuff.
Sarah:
Missus m is kind of restrained in this episode. Like, she's like, I'm not gonna talk about that Niman family. Like, oh, yes. You I mean, come on. Yeah.
Sarah:
How bad it must be real bad
Both:
Yeah.
Sarah:
For her not to be, like, spilling the tea right away.
Mark:
Well, I think she could have might have been involved with some of it.
Sarah:
Oh, you think she put her keys in the fishbowl Maybe. At some point? She said that that she she didn't, but yeah. So Lester Lester collapses at the top of the hill. Yes.
Sarah:
And then,
Mark:
His brother races him up the top of the hill. He collapses at the top of the hill after almost being hit in a car, and another person, leaves the race. All of that stuff that they later refer to is all there in the beginning.
Sarah:
Yeah. Of course, it is. But the important thing about Lester dying is that this requires him to be one of the bravest corpse actors in Brokenwood. Absolutely. Because he is bare ass up in the mortuary.
Sarah:
He is
Mark:
bare ass up
Sarah:
in the mortuary. We need an actor for this part. It's not a very big part. He needs to be able to ride a bike. Yep.
Sarah:
Look pretty good in Lycra and,
Mark:
you know, ride Middle aged Lycra.
Sarah:
Yeah. Ride a bike, competently and, like, he can achieve some speed up a pretty steep hill Yeah. Several times probably to shoot it. And he's gotta be willing to, be face down and butt up for quite a bit.
Mark:
I also think because remember, like, she finds that part of the reason why the caffeine is in his system is it comes in through the seat of his pants.
Sarah:
Mhmm.
Mark:
They may have applied makeup to his ass.
Sarah:
Yeah. They've manufactured a rash on his butt cheeks. Yeah. Again, how bad did you want the role? I guess you wanted it really bad.
Mark:
Now me, if Brokerwood calls up, we'd like you be a dead body. I'd be like,
Sarah:
What do you want me to do?
Mark:
What do you want me to do?
Sarah:
I draw the line at maggots in my mouth. Yeah. Like, that's mid summer. I'm not no. I'm it'd be so much fun to be an extra on midsummer, but there's my line right no.
Mark:
That's right there.
Sarah:
Cover me in blood, make me muddy, hang me upside down. Yep. You put maggots in my mouth, I'm out. I'm out. I don't have the level of method acting required to not be like, the whole time.
Sarah:
This corpse is screaming. Don't think I'd be effective.
Mark:
Mike is investigating a mysterious death.
Sarah:
By bull.
Mark:
Can you
Sarah:
train a bull to kill somebody on command?
Mark:
Well, Mike's looking at his HP ProBook, which they don't usually show as much brand name of computers as they do in this episode.
Sarah:
Wonder why.
Mark:
And, he's pulled up the following articles. Death and inquiry is a result of a bull attack on the rise. No. It's not. Bull attack in rural farm, man gored to death by bull, farmer crushed by out of control bull, and bull destroyed after brutal farm attack.
Mark:
And Sarah's just singing rage against the machine under her breath. I am reminded of how one time I called home while I was living. It was after our college. I was living on my own and stuff, and my mother was telling me about something. And she goes, well, that was after your father broke his ribs.
Mark:
And I'm like, what?
Sarah:
You mentioned that once before Yeah. That he didn't say anything about it. So a bull is an unlikely animal to kill you? Yes. What do you think is the most unlikely animal to kill you?
Sarah:
Like, what would be the weirdest thing to hear so and so died because they were attacked by a blank?
Mark:
Okay. So it it's a an animal attack. It's not like a mouse chews away at something in the house and it falls on something.
Sarah:
Right. An actionable the mouse did it on purpose because they were commanded to do it. Yes. And I'm gonna rule out things that are known killers like venomous, poisonous, sharks.
Mark:
Hippos, all that
Sarah:
Yeah. That Unlikely animal.
Mark:
Shih Tzu. Death by Shih Tzu has to be
Sarah:
What's the Shih Tzu on, all creatures great and small called? Jing Jing or Tic Tic or
Mark:
I forget. Mister Tiggy Wimpel
Sarah:
or something. Like that. How would it do it? Like, you'd have to be unconscious, and it would gnaw your throat out
Mark:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Over a long period of time or smother you. Yeah. If you were unconscious and it laid on your face, maybe.
Mark:
I'd say, like, kitten would be difficult.
Sarah:
Death by kitten? Yeah. You certainly can't train a kitten to kill somebody. No. I'm thinking more like, kamikaze road turtle, like, comes through the windshield and Maybe your head off.
Mark:
Maybe one of those giant tortoises just crawls up to you while you're on the beach and goes
Sarah:
And leans on you when you can't
Mark:
breathe. Those things are heavy, man.
Sarah:
Well, yeah. I think you'd notice it crawling on you. Maybe a team of mice working together.
Mark:
They don't really do that all that long.
Sarah:
They could.
Mark:
But farms are incredibly dangerous places. But
Sarah:
Oh, we know. We've talked about that. Remember all the farm safety videos? Yes. Yeah.
Mark:
The way this guy dies is not a way in which people would die from a bull attack.
Sarah:
He's dumb. He's stupid. Manu. I I can only imagine he was super drugged, like, high as a kite.
Mark:
Can only assume so. Then we go to the church for a nice scene where the where the priest goes, oh, no. Not another one.
Sarah:
Rev. Oh, no. He's not a priest.
Mark:
Yeah. He's Rev. Oh, no. Not another one is always a great structure.
Sarah:
Especially when it's gonna be while you're
Mark:
calling. Yeah.
Sarah:
Like, you think, oh, he's gonna have to bury another one or it means there's gonna be another funeral or he has to come and, like, witness something or no.
Mark:
It creates suspense right away.
Sarah:
Because he's part of the taunting.
Mark:
The character who hears about a murder and says, oh, no. It's happening again. Or, oh, no. Another one. It's you.
Mark:
Instantly creates drama.
Sarah:
Yeah. There's something you don't know. Yep. Do you wanna slap Tammy? I wanna slap Tammy.
Sarah:
Yeah. I'm I realize as a man, you can't say I wanna slap that woman. Yeah. But I wanna slap that woman. She is so not just abrupt.
Sarah:
She's rude right off the
Mark:
gas show. Boffing the brother. So Cousin. Oh, sorry. The cousin.
Sarah:
Oscar's the cousin.
Mark:
Oh, okay.
Sarah:
But this like, how to look guilty in one step. Yeah. Only crack your door wide enough to slip out and not let the police see inside your home. I mean, like, that that will put their radar up right away.
Mark:
Yes.
Sarah:
But then she's just mean. Look, he's dead. I don't have time for this. Okay. If somebody close to you, especially your spouse, dies in in mysterious circumstances, you have all the time in the world.
Mark:
I'm not gonna say anything directly, but indirectly. Tim Baum tends to write middle aged, unhappy women in marriages as rather abrupt.
Sarah:
Well, Tammy qualifies.
Mark:
There are a number of these characters in the first five seasons in Brokenwood.
Sarah:
I got no problem with her standing her ground and saying I didn't have anything to do with it. No. But she's just nasty.
Mark:
And and I also don't like I also know that there are some marriages where the wife would be happy that
Sarah:
Yeah.
Mark:
It would be that way.
Sarah:
There's probably plenty of those. Yes. Speaking of happy, Gina.
Mark:
Gina and Lester's butt on Whack A Mo Ho Mountain.
Sarah:
Whack A Mo Mountain?
Mark:
Whack A Mo Ho. That's what they call it. Now there is no Wack A Mo Ho Mountain
Sarah:
in You sure it's not Wack A Mo Mountain?
Mark:
I looked at the suburbs then looked on a map. There are a number of mountains in New Zealand named very similarly.
Sarah:
Okay. So they made up a name.
Mark:
Just shove some names together.
Sarah:
Jesus.
Mark:
That's one thing we noticed about the other show, the remarkable place to die. It's far more mountainous Yeah. In New Zealand than than Brooklyn was pretty
Sarah:
flat compared to where that show is set.
Mark:
But it's really not all that far away from it.
Sarah:
I don't know because Brokenwood's not a real place.
Mark:
Well, yeah. Where they they when they say we're going to town, they mean the same big town.
Sarah:
Yeah. But Mike says to Gina, what can I do for you? And she's, oh, Mike. I love when you say how Gina, how can I do you? He's like, that's not what I said.
Sarah:
She's like, it's the same thing. No. It's not.
Mark:
It's not the
Sarah:
same thing. It's not. I think Lycra brings up the best in men. You've not seen the people in Lycra I've seen, Gina. It doesn't always do that.
Mark:
When I used to run, I wore Lycra, but never as a top layer.
Sarah:
You wore it like long johns. Yeah.
Mark:
Yeah. He's got a rash on his ass. Do you think they applied rash makeup to his ass? Mhmm.
Sarah:
I do. So something is up. They might be pre prepared prosthetics. Like, you take a piece of, like, wax paper and you brush the latex onto it or the silicone onto it, and you make the prosthetic there. And then you just glue it.
Mark:
We saw we have so many questions for the people who work on these shows.
Sarah:
Somebody How
Mark:
did you do the woman going out of the plane? Did you put a rash on his ass?
Sarah:
How much time did you have to spend with your face right next to that man's butt cheeks? Yep. So Lester's dead.
Mark:
Yes.
Sarah:
Manu's dead.
Mark:
Yes.
Sarah:
Then we learn that the father is also dead, Carl.
Mark:
Yes. Tragedy strikes at the Nyman farm.
Sarah:
Six months ago, he shot himself. He had terminal cancer. Yep. But he shot himself in the barn. Yes.
Sarah:
And the police act like they didn't know about this. It was only six months ago, and it was at that farm. They would have attended that scene.
Mark:
I have highlighted in all in caps in my notes, they would know this. Yeah. They would know this as soon as it came in. Like, okay. As they heard Lester's last name.
Mark:
Thing you do is you check for other related cases.
Sarah:
They would have put in Nyman Yep. And they would have saw Carl. Yep. But also Jethro Nyman has died.
Mark:
Local developers body found.
Sarah:
Drowned on his famous jet ski that he loved more than anything other than liquor.
Mark:
He certainly didn't love his wife. Who? Jethro? Yeah. No.
Mark:
No. Jules But, boy, do you like to drink? As with any show, when you have more characters, those characters but this episode has 10 suspects in it.
Sarah:
Yeah.
Mark:
Right? Those characters, for the most part, then become cartoony or caricatures.
Sarah:
Otherwise, you can't remember who they are. If they were all subtle and Yeah. You know, nuanced to be like, which one's that one?
Mark:
You just don't have enough time to develop it either.
Sarah:
When you've got a family that has names like Trevor, Lester, Oscar, Magnus, Jethro, like, they're trying to help us.
Mark:
And I always have to get up for these episodes because I'm like, we're fighting over who inherits the farm. I'm like, take my inheritance, please.
Sarah:
Yeah. You want a farm? Have it. And then there's missus McTavish who is has helped at the farm, lives at the farm, and has been there forever. Who is Grumpy McGremperson.
Sarah:
She points a gun at Mike.
Mark:
Yeah. I don't like that.
Sarah:
I don't think you can do that. No. Even when you're on your own land and you've been hunting. Yeah. Have a gun in your hand, aim it away from the police.
Sarah:
Fine. But she points it at his back. Yeah. I don't think that's okay.
Mark:
No. How did they get Magnus's picture? It's not the one from the newspaper for the murder board. So did they find Magnus's file and get his picture from that? I guess.
Sarah:
I guess. Maybe? He's wearing the same shirt that he wears when he shows up at the funeral. That's kind of odd.
Mark:
There's and, like, Madison is Madison Mathers, which is so Stan Lee. It's not funny. Peter Parker. Mhmm. Lois Lane.
Sarah:
Mathers is better than the actress's last name, which is Newby Ward. Oh.
Sarah:
I'm sorry, Debbie, but your last name is Newby Ward.
Mark:
And we find out it's caffeine poisoning. Through his butt in his wire model. Through his butt. Tick tick tick. Boom.
Sarah:
Through his butt. His poor little butt cheeks are so irritated by it. They are. Okay. So let's talk taunting.
Sarah:
Yep. So the way Carl leaves the farm is he leaves it equally to 10 different
Mark:
people. Yeah.
Sarah:
His sons, his nephews, and his one daughter.
Mark:
From another
Sarah:
Yeah. Family. The son and daughter from another mother. Yeah. And because it's a taunting, it is equally spread among the 10 people.
Sarah:
But if one of them dies, then the rest of them have a ninth. Yes. And if another one dies, it goes down to an eighth. Yeah. And Breen is right.
Sarah:
The, person who invented this kind of financial model was Tonti Yes. In France in the time of Henry sorry, Louis the fourteenth.
Mark:
Okay. So this is pre revolutionary France.
Sarah:
Right. Right after the thirty years war, France extremely broke. They need money. Yep. So Tonti says, hey, Louis.
Sarah:
I've got an idea. We can raise money this way. We'll the government will create this program, and it will make us money.
Mark:
Okay.
Sarah:
And it worked differently than this. So the way the original Tontine worked was that as a citizen, you would buy a share of the Tontine that would be pooled in a bucket, in a pool, with other people your age who also bought in.
Mark:
Now you didn't know these people. No. There was no way to look up these other people.
Sarah:
No. So you're 30. You buy a share. Your money goes into a pool with other 30 year olds, and you get annual interest.
Mark:
And this is pre revolutionary France. So this is not Joe Peasant. No. I'm sorry. Jacques Peasant.
Sarah:
No. Right. And this
Mark:
is all upper class.
Sarah:
And all maintained on paper with a quill. Yes. Alright. So you invest. A bunch of other people invest.
Sarah:
That money earns interest, and the rate is based on your age at the time you receive the money. And the interest rate goes up the older you are. So you could buy a share in the tontine for your newborn if you wanted to.
Mark:
Yes.
Sarah:
And then as they got older, depending on how many other people bought in and the interest rate at that age, you would get a higher and higher amount of money.
Mark:
Would it be paid out
Sarah:
annually? Yes. Annually. Right. So they limited it to 63 was the oldest you could buy in
Mark:
Meanwhile, the government
Sarah:
was ancient then.
Mark:
Meanwhile, the government, I bet, keeps the
Sarah:
They keep the principal and part of the interest that it's making.
Mark:
It's like bonds.
Sarah:
Yes. Except that as you get older and there are fewer fewer people in your age bracket, the interest rate goes up and you're getting a higher share, higher percentage of the dividend, you would get more money per year. You could also buy a share on behalf of somebody else called a nominee.
Mark:
So did you have to tell them?
Sarah:
No. Oh. So you could buy a share in the tontine for your newborn, and you would get the dividend as long as they're alive and you're alive.
Mark:
Okay.
Sarah:
And you could sell your share, but once the person who's the nominee is dead, that's it. You can't leave it to somebody else. It doesn't you can't inherit the dividend.
Mark:
So there's no reason to kill the individual then?
Sarah:
No. What you'd wanna do is kill all the other people who are the same age. Yes. That's what you'd wanna do. So if if you're 64, you should go off and knock off all the other 64 year olds so that you can get the money.
Both:
And then Why
Mark:
are you going to school? A cold with me today.
Sarah:
Why did you kill all my kindergarten classmates, papa? So then if everybody in the age group dies, which they eventually would, the government gets to keep the capital and the interest from then on.
Mark:
Oh, okay.
Sarah:
So they make money from the initial buy in. Right? Yeah. They they get the capital that they can then do things with, like your bank when you put money in your savings account. But the strange thing is that it was never implemented during Tonti's life.
Sarah:
Oh. Like, he actually went to the Bastille during the revolution.
Mark:
Oh, okay.
Sarah:
And five years after he died, France had its first official tontine.
Mark:
Did did so it it it was post revolutionary France.
Sarah:
Yeah. But he came up with the idea before. Okay. Right?
Mark:
So Robespierre was like, oh, crap. We're out of money.
Both:
Yeah.
Sarah:
That's kind of an interesting idea. So then throughout history, there have been these interesting times when
Mark:
That was the worst Robespierre.
Sarah:
That was not a good impersonation. Oh la la. The the model
Mark:
Zouta lor.
Sarah:
The that's all the French I know. The model keeps kind of resurfacing Yeah. At times when people think they could take advantage of it. So, like, right before a war Yeah. People would be like, hey.
Sarah:
Let's have a tontine. Okay. Because then, you know, like, let's say, I know you're gonna go to war. Yeah. You would buy a tontine on me.
Sarah:
I'm gonna survive cause I'm a woman. I'm not going to go into battle. Right?
Both:
Okay.
Sarah:
And and so you invested a little bit of money you have in hopes that it means that I get a dividend every month. Yeah. But in reality, what would happen is I would buy one on you. You would go off and a bunch of your peers would die, and hopefully, you wouldn't, and we'd make a whole bunch of money.
Mark:
Excellent. So it kind No. I'm, like, the least likely to survive a war.
Sarah:
So it kind of encouraged, like, Dave's not looking so good in the trench. Yeah. I'm just gonna finish him off. You know? Like but, yeah, you
Mark:
They had to be made illegal. And, certainly, a taunt team like this explained to a judge, the judge would go, no.
Sarah:
No. What the the law says, at least in The United States says that wills have to be constructed in a way that they can be immediately applied and resolved.
Mark:
Okay.
Sarah:
So you can't like, if you if you say, well, this money goes to my kid when they turn 21, the money goes into a trust now. Okay. It can't just sit in a stack in the corner until
Mark:
they turn 21. We can have the marathon trust.
Sarah:
Oh, yeah. We can do that, but it has to go in a trust. So it it something happens with it now.
Mark:
Okay.
Sarah:
Right?
Mark:
Yeah.
Sarah:
And because there is no legal transfer of this farm to any one person Yes. This will would not No. And in The United States, it wouldn't be valid.
Mark:
I don't think it's gonna be valid anywhere.
Sarah:
If the farm went into a trust Yeah. Then maybe.
Mark:
Maybe.
Sarah:
But I think Madison, though she's a psychotic killer, is actually right that or maybe it's Mike who suggested. Yeah. It's Mike who suggested. They the sons could definitely go to court and say, this is bogus. Yeah.
Sarah:
We're the legal heirs. It should be split between us.
Mark:
Yeah. Her plan, by the way, she's the killer. Her plan is to seduce the best looking son, I guess, and marry him and then kill him.
Sarah:
Well, he's not married. His brother is.
Mark:
Oh, yes. So the single brother
Sarah:
So I guess she could've she could've sucked up to Trevor or Ahina, who's the daughter Yeah. Or Dion or Magnus.
Mark:
But still she but still Or missus McTavish. Yes. But still, this is a long way to go to get a farm that
Sarah:
It's just a farm. I know land is expensive, but it's not like they have an oil field. No. Like It's just a farm. It's a lot of work.
Mark:
And it's so easy in the story to be like, well, we had to kill the bull, but that's okay. We have 400,000 heads of cattle. So that implies how rich the farm Hope
Sarah:
they don't run into the oil rig again.
Mark:
Yes. You know? Something like that.
Sarah:
No. It's just kind of an average I don't even know what they raise. They have one bull. Yeah. I I didn't see a bunch of other cows.
Mark:
No. And I mean,
Sarah:
it's New Zealand. They probably have 10 gazillion sheep Yes. That are often another paddock somewhere that we never see.
Mark:
But still, it's not it's not worth the death of as many people.
Sarah:
The margins are narrow
Mark:
Yeah.
Sarah:
In farming.
Mark:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Very narrow. But reverend Green winds up being one of the 10. I forgot. She could have sucked up to reverend Green, I guess. She's not his type.
Sarah:
No.
Mark:
He falls asleep in church.
Sarah:
I was like, yeah. He's not sleeping. He's afraid he's gonna get killed. I feel bad for him. Yeah.
Sarah:
I mean, Carl comes into church to basically tell him that he's wrong about everything. It's like, then why why are you here? Go away. If you don't if you don't even wanna give this a chance, you know, and you're dying, just don't bother me. But, yeah, he gives them a tenth.
Sarah:
And then Carl writes all 10 people a letter that basically says, here's your chance. Yep. Knock out the other nine. Kill or be killed. Yours.
Sarah:
He's awful. He is. He's really awful.
Mark:
He has a dark streak. I love Jules Fahey has killed another husband.
Sarah:
Oh, she's awful too. I don't I don't like her character at all.
Mark:
I'm not sure if we ever see her again.
Sarah:
Good.
Mark:
And then my next note is, oh, look. More fish and chips to annoy Sarah.
Sarah:
Somebody says that maybe Carl's vengeful spirit was in the bowl. Maybe? I forget who sets it.
Sarah:
I don't I didn't write that down.
Sarah:
Like, yeah. Carl's nasty enough to have moved into that bowl.
Mark:
We find out that Dion is of interest of the drug squad.
Sarah:
Dion's bad news.
Mark:
Yeah. He is.
Sarah:
We hardly see him. I don't think we ever really hear him deliver dialogue, really. He's methity meth meth. Yep. Or poisons, but framed for that, I guess.
Sarah:
I mean, really, how messy was he? Because all the equipment that was in his Airbnb was planted there.
Mark:
Yep.
Sarah:
Or was that the equipment that he had in the barn that burned down and they just moved it to his Airbnb and it was his?
Mark:
I think it's combination of both.
Sarah:
It didn't have his fingerprints on it. No. Because Trevor cleaned it
Mark:
Yeah.
Sarah:
To because he didn't want his fingerprints on it.
Mark:
Trevor is weird too because he calls the the farm a prison.
Sarah:
I don't think he ever wanted to be the son who inherited the farm.
Mark:
And everyone has a chemistry degree.
Both:
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Sarah:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Everybody. Everybody went for science. Yeah.
Sarah:
I think what would have been better is if the 10 of them got together and said, let's just agree to sell this and split it 10 ways.
Mark:
I agree. Because none
Sarah:
of us wanna do this.
Mark:
And I think nine of them or, like, eight of them at least would have been like, yeah. Let's do this.
Sarah:
Missus McTavish would have said no. Who else would have said no? Well, Magnus wasn't around.
Mark:
No. They couldn't try it. Not gonna say no weeb.
Sarah:
No. Because he wants out of there. Lester wants out of there.
Mark:
Drinky drinky's gonna get out of there.
Sarah:
Yeah. Jethro. Yep. Oscar doesn't wanna do it. No.
Sarah:
Manu and Ahina don't want anything to do with it.
Mark:
They had all manner of parties up there. Seventies car key parties in the fruit bowl.
Sarah:
I like that Breen says, well, we could just wait it out and arrest the last person standing. That came out of my mouth. It wasn't supposed to come out of my mouth. But he's right. Every other story I've ever read that is centered around a taunting as a plot device, that's exactly what happens.
Both:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Isn't there a Sherlock Holmes with a taunting?
Mark:
I think so. I think there's an Agatha Christie with one.
Sarah:
Yeah. Reverend Green is out. He signs it over.
Mark:
He's like, I don't wanna do any of this at all. We see the sign for Broken Wood, get crashed in.
Sarah:
What the reverend should have done is gone, signed the paperwork, had as many copies as he needed, and then immediately went and delivered the copies to the the other living Yep. Recipients to say, here is the proof. Do not kill me.
Mark:
Yep.
Sarah:
Okay?
Mark:
Here we go. I'm out.
Sarah:
Don't kill me by mistake because you didn't know that I went to see the lawyer today. I am out. Here's the evidence.
Mark:
You don't usually get a Chernobyl reference in Broken Wood.
Sarah:
No. Because Dion is so contaminated. Yeah. And but not with meth making stuff. He's contaminated with every form possible form of poison that either he or Trevor were making.
Sarah:
I'm not sure
Mark:
be driving?
Sarah:
Badly.
Mark:
Yeah. Obviously.
Sarah:
But they say that he had his letter from Carl taped around his abdomen. I don't know why he would have it there.
Mark:
I don't know.
Sarah:
It's not like a document that he would need to protect.
Mark:
No.
Sarah:
It's a it mean, without the paper, he still has his claim. He doesn't need the letter to prove that.
Mark:
When something burns down on your property, it's a major thing. And if you make a minor thing out of it, the police are going to notice.
Sarah:
Yeah.
Mark:
Oh, it's just some work thing.
Sarah:
Like, wait till it's three quarters burned and then call the fire department. Yeah. But you should definitely call them. You shouldn't just be like, yeah. We just let it burn.
Sarah:
Yep. I I know it's right here next to the house, but, you know, we just let it burn.
Mark:
You still call the fire department.
Sarah:
Of course, you do. Even if there's nothing they can do.
Mark:
I love how they still have to sing England's green and pleasant land.
Sarah:
They don't have to. They choose to.
Mark:
They choose to. But
Sarah:
Which is odd.
Mark:
It's it's colonial behavior. I remember going to church singing that song.
Sarah:
What is Magnus wearing when he shows up? I do not know. Is that something you have to wear if you go into the bush?
Mark:
I guess. He's very drunk and very like, he's there to eat the scenery, say that you're pork and Lester's wife.
Sarah:
And then get wrestled with.
Mark:
Never a fun phrase. And then have a fight in the church in front of cops. It's never a good thing.
Sarah:
So in Australia, they say that somebody went walkabout. Yep. But in New Zealand, they say they went bush.
Mark:
Yep.
Sarah:
Can you even do that here?
Mark:
So bush Off grid? Bush is a a word that like, I grew up with the word bush.
Sarah:
In Canada, I guess you could do it. I mean, you could go out into really uninhabited places, and there are big uninhabited places, and live off the land and sleep in a tent, I guess.
Mark:
My parents had hundreds of acres. Acres. There could have been people living back there that we didn't know about.
Sarah:
I think you would have seen them getting water.
Mark:
I literally would walk all day and at at noon, have to have my lunch and then turn around and come back because, like, I You've gone as far
Both:
as you
Sarah:
could if you were gonna get back.
Mark:
If if I was gonna get back for dinner.
Sarah:
I just I think here, unless you live out west where there's a lot of uninhabited area that's mostly desert and uninhabitable, which is why nobody lives there. I think here you'd have to say they they went off grid.
Mark:
Yeah. There's there's not as much what Canadians would call bush No. Here. No. In Canada, you're five minutes out of Toronto.
Mark:
You're like, oh my god.
Sarah:
Nobody's ever gonna find me.
Mark:
There's not a light anywhere.
Sarah:
I can live here forever. Nobody will ever know. And speaking of gone bush, Jared suddenly comes back. Like, where have you been? Oh, yeah.
Sarah:
I mean, you remember I was in a coma? Yeah. Yeah. Which happened during Christmas. Christmas
Mark:
episode? Yeah.
Sarah:
I came out of the coma, hung out with my family. They got on my nerves, and so I just decided to walk from one end of New Zealand to the other.
Mark:
The Tay Aoroa Ra Trail. It's
Sarah:
Sorry, people who know how to say that.
Mark:
3,000 kilometers.
Sarah:
How does that compare to the Appalachian Trail?
Mark:
It's slightly shorter. 200 miles shorter.
Sarah:
So that would that'd take you a while?
Mark:
About six months, I would think.
Sarah:
But you think Mike would have been visiting him in the hospital when he was in his coma and, like, know that he got out of the coma.
Mark:
And You would think all that.
Sarah:
Like, they would have said, hey. He's awake.
Mark:
You would think.
Sarah:
You know? No. Jared just disappears for a year and then just shows up.
Mark:
This is the dodgy Here
Sarah:
I am in my rubber boots.
Mark:
This is the dodgy side of dodge ville. Mike has a logic puzzle.
Sarah:
I think it's a smart way to do it.
Mark:
I do too.
Sarah:
And he draws his first emoji.
Mark:
And he and, yes, that isn't his first emoji because in the top corner, did you see what there was? So so in the top corner, you differentiate between what the rows are and what the columns are. Right. So across the top and the columns, there's a money sign.
Sarah:
Mhmm.
Mark:
Those are people with the money. Yeah. And then on the on the columns is a little cross with grass at the bottom.
Sarah:
To symbolize the people who are dead? Yes. I think it's a perfectly appropriate way to go about figuring out who had the opportunity to kill who.
Mark:
What's the red line mean? Yeah.
Sarah:
Those folks are already dead. Yes. They can't be the killer because they're already dead.
Mark:
Oh, I think Mike, at that point in time, knows what's going on.
Sarah:
Oh, he knows exactly what's going on. Because he's already arranged with missus Tavish McTavish. Yes. That's You think you think she's a super bad person? No.
Sarah:
But she's not? No. I do think she has a soft spot for Trevor. Yeah. Like a son.
Sarah:
So Because she knows what his dad was like.
Mark:
And then the lawyer arrives and
Sarah:
oh. Okay. Unless the law is different in New Zealand than it is everywhere else, Madison cannot be somebody who oversees estates and a criminal lawyer.
Mark:
No. It's just it's
Sarah:
It doesn't work like that. No. You differentiate. Maybe law school in New Zealand makes you learn both. I don't know.
Mark:
And Trevor is tired of it and just wants to be done.
Sarah:
I think he realizes she's not a good person that she wants
Both:
to be
Mark:
with. Woman.
Both:
Evil woman.
Sarah:
Psycho woman. No. No. No. No.
Sarah:
No. No. No. And the most she has to gain is a farm. You're gonna see off nine people for a well, really 10 because she's gonna have to kill Trevor
Both:
Sure.
Sarah:
After she marries him.
Mark:
Sure. There's a lot of sheep on this farm.
Sarah:
I think the bar association would have something to say about
Mark:
Oh, that's what we we need the other lawyer to come in and go.
Sarah:
Yeah. Even I know that's not right, and I'm me. That's unethical.
Mark:
And I'm a bad lawyer. Turn and look at him.
Sarah:
Like, ring ring. It's pot calling. Are you kettle picking up?
Mark:
And as soon as you find out that Trevor is in a relationship with the evil woman, like, it would be done. Separate them. You can't be his lawyer. All sorts of things.
Sarah:
No. I think they just need to get confirmation of that. And as soon as they do, that's what they do. They separate them. But then Madison admits that maybe she killed her mom.
Mark:
Yeah. Kinda. Which
Sarah:
I don't I mean, her mom was really sick, but it's she's not sorry
Both:
about it.
Mark:
Is this the first time we see naked people in bed in broken woods?
Sarah:
That I remember.
Mark:
I think so.
Sarah:
But I forgot Jared was in a coma until we talked about it. So, you know, I don't know.
Mark:
Playing happy families.
Sarah:
I've slept since then. We know
Mark:
all sorts of things about happy families.
Sarah:
Too much about that game. Yeah. Magnus and Carl played cards for who got the farm.
Mark:
Yes.
Sarah:
This is a toxic family.
Mark:
It is just and who I feel sorry for is the poor woman that Magnus screwed around with and had the whole separate family.
Sarah:
Manu and Hawani's mom. Which Who was a scientist.
Mark:
Who should have been called red herring in Maori. Mhmm. Like, they had nothing to do with it. They're victims of the whole thing. They may actually end up with the farm, though.
Sarah:
And he's super stupid.
Mark:
Yeah.
Sarah:
So he doesn't have that going for him. She's smart.
Mark:
She may end up with the farm.
Sarah:
Yeah. I think maybe. Well, Oscar hasn't done anything wrong. No. I mean, it's unethical to sleep with your cousin's widow.
Mark:
And I gotta think that reverend Green could say, okay. It's all over. I was scared, so I should get back
Sarah:
to you. Under duress of threat of murder. Yeah. I don't know about the end. Okay.
Sarah:
Magnus seems like kind of an asshole to me.
Mark:
Yes.
Sarah:
And missus McTavish is rough around the edges. Yes. But she loves him?
Mark:
Yeah. It it is way too this is a three episode series that they fit into one episode.
Sarah:
I don't want three episodes of this story.
Mark:
Yeah. I understand that.
Sarah:
Of Madison evil woman. Yeah. Turning poor Trevor against everybody.
Mark:
Like, it just it's and then they kinda discover what's going on, and Trevor goes, yeah. We did it. And she goes, don't say anything, Trevor. And Trevor goes, okay. Here's the beans.
Mark:
Let me display them on the floor.
Sarah:
Spilling them.
Mark:
The caster beans.
Sarah:
It's not so simple. You don't just grind them up. I'm annotating my cast list here with dead jail, dead dead.
Mark:
Also, like, she is figuring out that Trevor would marry her. Like, right now, Trevor has no connection with her other than romantic.
Both:
Mm-mm.
Mark:
And that doesn't really hold up in a court of law as we can split everything.
Sarah:
No. No. And, I mean, maybe they had a connection, but he's single for a reason. Maybe he doesn't wanna be married. She's gambling a lot on winning him over.
Mark:
He wants to go to the city and be a chemist. That's what he wants to do. Yeah. He does not wanna live on this
Sarah:
Well, she might be kinda counting on that.
Mark:
I guess.
Sarah:
That he would sell it because then she could kill him and get the money.
Mark:
But okay. You and I have killed everybody so that we could get all this money, and it was your idea. And I've married you now. Toxic. Just go to sleep?
Sarah:
Never? Like It is a toxic beginning to our relationship.
Mark:
Like, he would be smarter than that.
Sarah:
The how I met your mother story is not a pleasant
Mark:
one. Oh.
Sarah:
Okay. So after the credits Yes. Everybody's either dead, in jail, or signed off their share except Oscar, missus McTavish, and Magnus.
Mark:
What about the other family?
Sarah:
Oh, Awahina. Yeah. So now it gets split four ways. Yeah. Though with Magnus and missus McTavish being a couple Yeah.
Sarah:
They're kinda sharing their half. So I'm gonna guess that Oscar and Awahina say buy us out. I would say keep it, buy us out.
Mark:
The we're either gonna keep it or let us develop it, and you can go live where you want because we're gonna make so much money on the
Sarah:
Missus McTavish is never leaving that farm.
Mark:
Yeah. I I think that
Sarah:
And Magnus is not gonna leave the farm.
Mark:
Then I think the young woman says buy me out as soon as possible.
Both:
I don't
Mark:
want anything to do with you people.
Sarah:
And Oscar, health store man, is gonna say the same thing. I don't wanna have anything
Mark:
to do
Both:
with you.
Mark:
Run a health store. Why is there a health store scene?
Sarah:
Because then he can sell the caffeine
Mark:
I guess.
Sarah:
To Lester?
Mark:
Do you sell that much caffeine?
Sarah:
Rub it on his butt.
Mark:
Butt rubbing cow.
Sarah:
Health stores don't sell caffeine powder,
Mark:
do they? I mean,
Sarah:
that kind of opposes the health store thing.
Mark:
So he's supposed to put it in his water, and I do like that he's so nervous. He spills it in his pants. Yeah. But I would not put on wet lycra pants.
Sarah:
Well, isn't that kind of the whole point of Lycra? It wicks away so when you get really sweaty, it doesn't stay wet? Yeah. But But those absorbent butt pads soak it up.
Mark:
Oh, it just it would be bad.
Sarah:
So we're supposed to believe that Lester died of the caffeine he drank, but also the caffeine that he absorbed through his butt that was only accidentally spilled there?
Mark:
Yeah. But he would have died if he drank the whole thing out of the water bottle.
Sarah:
Okay. Because I don't feel like the spillage would be enough.
Mark:
They're just not very good at killing people.
Sarah:
Nor do we want them to be.
Both:
And
Mark:
the and the thing is
Sarah:
It's not something to brag about. I'm good at killing people. I get away with it. Well, until I said that.
Mark:
The thing is, if dumbass hadn't got killed by the bull, they wouldn't have got the idea.
Sarah:
Nope. It's all Manu's fault. Yep. Because he wanted to go run with the Bulls, which is a dumb idea anyway.
Mark:
Yes. Well, Jared's back for two episodes of the well, another episode of this season and the whole next season. Jared is back.
Sarah:
So that's, taunting.
Mark:
Yeah. I I liked it better than the previous episode.
Sarah:
I don't think we even have to discuss who's the best corpse. Yeah. Because it's Lester Yeah. Bare butt Nyman.
Both:
He
Mark:
is Midsummer worthy best best butt.
Sarah:
Yeah. Well, he didn't have to lay in a field with his butt bare. No. It's close.
Mark:
No. It's it's close, but
Sarah:
He's aspiring.
Mark:
It's not as close-up as the Midsummer best butt.
Sarah:
No. No.
Mark:
So I have a question that relates to what we talked about at the top. Mhmm. Okay. So you see the casting call for Midsummer, and they're doing killings at Badger's Drift.
Both:
Mhmm.
Sarah:
What part
Mark:
are you gonna play?
Sarah:
I wanna be missus Rainbird.
Mark:
Oh, that's a good part.
Sarah:
I think I'm old enough. They could age me a little.
Mark:
I don't think you're old.
Sarah:
Age me up a little bit. I think I could pull it off.
Mark:
Okay.
Sarah:
Give me big glasses. How about you?
Mark:
I'd wanna be the the guy who's getting married.
Sarah:
He gets to be in a wheelchair
Mark:
the good time. To be in a wheelchair all the time.
Sarah:
Ride a four by four. Yeah. I certainly don't wanna be one of the killers and have to, like, kiss my brother or something. That'd be weird.
Mark:
There's bonking in that. How are they gonna do that on stage?
Sarah:
On a blanket. They'll have to change some things to stage it. I'm sure. I And everybody will know what's gonna happen, so they gotta change something.
Mark:
This it's gonna be awesome, like like, the first nights and couple of things going on. But when they start to tour around to places that maybe are not a little, like, Londony Mhmm. There's gonna be people who are like, you gotta go tell the beach. Yeah. It's gonna be like it's gonna be like,
Sarah:
I wanna see the scene where what's her name? Janet, the sister that lives is it Janet?
Mark:
No. I forget what
Sarah:
She's got some Phyllis.
Mark:
Yes. Phyllis.
Sarah:
Where Phyllis just comes on one side of the stage dressed in her plus fours and just falls running across and then runs off the other side
Mark:
of the stage Cadell.
Sarah:
Carrying a gun Yep. With her head her ear protectors on.
Mark:
It's gonna be like it could really turn out to be almost a parody. Almost like Rocky Horror Picture Show where the audience is in the they're in the audience, and they're like, you
Both:
have to tell the beast. He did it. He did it.
Sarah:
He's gonna kiss his sister.
Mark:
I'm being framed. Framed.
Sarah:
Everybody does it together with their fingers
Sarah:
in the audience.
Mark:
Oh my gosh.
Sarah:
Oh, that'd be so awesome.
Mark:
Oh, and the constable line. Everybody's gonna scream in there.
Sarah:
Constable there. Woo. Go rainbirds. It's your birthday. And the front row has to, like, cover themselves in plastic like they're at a Gallagher concert because when the rainbirds get killed, it just shoots out.
Sarah:
The blood just splatters the first three rows.
Mark:
But everybody knows it. Sandwiches. Yes.
Sarah:
There's ice sombreros just shooting out of, like, a cannon.
Mark:
Oh, we need a correspondent.
Sarah:
It's never gonna live up to this.
Mark:
No. It's not. I want it so bad.
Sarah:
But if you get a ticket in the first row and they give you a free midsummer poncho, it's because you need it.
Mark:
Oh, and if it comes to US, we're going and we're doing all that shit.
Sarah:
We're gonna be the worst audience member
Mark:
to ever don't care.
Sarah:
We'll get kicked out.
Mark:
Somebody will try to kick us out and some old lady will stand up and go,
Both:
they're the maniacs.
Sarah:
Don't do that, the maniacs. Back off. Listen to Edna. She's a criminal lawyer and an estate lawyer. She knows what she's talking about.
Mark:
Well, next week, Broken Woods season five episode four, the dark angel.
Sarah:
I just I can't breathe. I just had an image of a bunch of old folks piling onto the bus to go back to the old folks home after seeing the Midsummer stage show. And they've got their bloody ponchos on,
Both:
and they're like, it was so great. It was so perfect. Exactly. Go tell the bee. And Oh,
Sarah:
Oh, bye, maniacs.
Mark:
Bye, maniacs.
Sarah:
Oh, Edna, squeegee the blood off your poncho before you get on the bus.
Mark:
Thanks for joining us on the Mystery Maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeks. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word. Bye, maniacs.
Sarah:
And now, for your listening pleasure, on our stage doing one of his famous lyrical dramatic readings, Mark Bell.
Mark:
This is evil woman by Electric Like Orchestra. Hey, woman. You got the blues because you ain't got no one else to use. There's an open road that leads nowhere, so just make some miles between here and there. There's a hole in my head where the rain comes in.
Mark:
You took my body and played to win. Woman, it's crying shame. But you ain't got nobody else to blame. Evil woman. Evil woman.
