Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Pull up a chair and join us at The Family Table—a podcast by New Mexico Family Action Movement serving up truth, faith, and practical wisdom for families across the Land of Enchantment.
From parenting and education to religious freedom and the economy, we’re talking about the real issues impacting your home—and how to navigate them with conviction and hope. Whether you're a parent, pastor, educator, or just someone who cares about the future of our families and faith in New Mexico, you belong at this table.
Because strong families build strong communities—and it all starts at the table!
Welcome to The Family Table, a new podcast from New Mexico Family Action Movement. Welcome back to The Family Table. I'm your host, Hendricks. If you're new to The Family Table, I just wanna let you know there is always a seat for you right here at the table. So please, pull up a chair, take a breath, and let's settle in.
Jodi Hendricks:The table here is where we have the conversations about what shapes families. So the hard conversations, the beautiful conversations, and sometimes the conversations that need a little bit more courage and compassion. Today is one of those conversations. We're going be talking about adoption. Now, adoption has become a much louder cultural conversation lately.
Jodi Hendricks:And so many times, the conversation out there is negative. It focuses on trauma. It focuses on complexity and very difficult, painful stories. Those stories deserve to be heard. But what I want to do today is I want to bring a little bit of hope into that conversation about adoption.
Jodi Hendricks:That's why I'm so excited to have today's guest with us, Lilia Garr. Thank you so much for joining us.
Lilia Garr:Thank you for having me.
Jodi Hendricks:Lilia is joining us as an adoptee. She's going to be sharing a little bit of her story with us and what she's doing about the conversation regarding adoption. So I'm really looking forward to being able to dive deep with you, Lilia, and to be able to see what it is that you're doing and how we can together in this conversation inspire families to truly be able to have that compassionate conversation about adoption. So thank you for your courage and for all that you're doing. I can't wait to unpack it and let everyone know what it is that you have been up to, especially as a young person, and you're just on fire.
Jodi Hendricks:I'm really excited. Thank So why don't we just get started? Lilia, just tell us a little bit about yourself.
Lilia Garr:Alright. Well, I am currently 17 years old, and I'm a senior in high school, preparing for college in the fall, which has been exciting. I am an adoptee. My parents adopted me at birth and I also have a younger brother who is currently 11 years old named Daniel and he's also adopted. So my family is just all about adoption.
Lilia Garr:That
Jodi Hendricks:is great. Yeah. So why don't you tell me your adoption story?
Lilia Garr:Yeah. So my parents were trying for kids, and it just, you know, wasn't happening. It wasn't in the cards for them. I know that my mom was really, really sad about it, and they tried several different things, and it just didn't end up working out. And that's when they felt that God had put it on their hearts to adopt a child and that was me.
Lilia Garr:It's actually a little bit of a funny story. They adopted through AAA adoption agency.
Jodi Hendricks:Okay.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. And I believe my birth parents were pretty young. My birth mom was 17 when she had me. And so they were meeting with my birth parents. Actually, they had set up a day to meet with them.
Lilia Garr:I think it was July 19 was the day no. Sorry. May 19. June 19. June 19 was the day that they were supposed to meet them because my due date was July 19.
Lilia Garr:Okay. So they were going to meet meet them a month before I was born.
Jodi Hendricks:Okay.
Lilia Garr:Turns out, I was a month early, and I was born on the day they were supposed to meet them. So they met them in the hospital. Oh, wow. Yeah. So it was a very brief meeting.
Lilia Garr:I I know my dad loves to talk about how he got to talk to my birth dad in the in the waiting room and all the stuff. They thought I was gonna be a boy too, so that was another surprise. I was
Jodi Hendricks:just full of surprises that day. It sounds like you're always full of surprises. Apparently.
Lilia Garr:So yeah. Yeah. And then I'm named after my grandma, Lilia, so that's where the Lilia comes from. And apparently, my grandma my birth mom's side is also named Lilia, so that's a fun little
Jodi Hendricks:Very nice. Kind of ties you in there, gives you some some history. That's great. Yeah. So why don't you tell me a little bit about this project that you've been working on?
Lilia Garr:Alright. Well, my service platform is called Adopting Change, and it's actually a really funny story how I got into it, because I started pageantry with let's see, a year ago, actually. Okay. And I had gotten invited to compete at, they call it National American Miss, which is a pageant system, for Miss New Mexico. And I decided to try it out, and, I ended up winning last summer.
Lilia Garr:So that was awesome. Great. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah.
Lilia Garr:So this this year, I've been serving as Miss New Mexico teen. And in pageantry, it's a thing to make service platforms. So it's something that is really personal to you, something that you just want to help out with, something you wanna make a change with. And, I was just, like, thinking about it, because I was kind of unprepared, and I was like I was like, what am I gonna do as my service platform? And all these other girls are doing amazing things.
Lilia Garr:And I was like, you know what I could do. I'm adopted. That's something unique. I love it. Yeah.
Lilia Garr:I love it. So my platform, Adopting Change, is all about raising awareness for adoption.
Jodi Hendricks:Okay.
Lilia Garr:Advocating and breaking the negative stigma around it.
Jodi Hendricks:I love that. Yeah. That is great. So really getting into pageantry is what kind of shifted your thinking as far as this service type project, and it sounds like it's become something a little bit more than just what was necessary for the pageantry. It's it's a passion of yours.
Lilia Garr:Oh, yes. Completely. And that's how it is with so many different girls. Mhmm. Pageantry has shaped my mindset in so many different ways that I didn't even think about, because when most people think about pageants, they're like, oh, you walk in a pretty dress and you do a little wave, and it's all very superficial.
Lilia Garr:And that's what I thought going into it. And then I was like, oh my goodness. These amazing girls and women are making such an incredible difference in the world. And it's just beautiful, really.
Jodi Hendricks:I'm glad you brought that up because, you know, a pageantry, I think that is what everybody thinks about. It's, oh, it's a beauty contest. Yeah. We're walking around. Who can walk around the prettiest in the prettiest dress and have her hair done?
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm. But you're right. There's so much depth to it. And I love that, because that's a reminder to us, scripture's very clear that beauty truly comes from within. And what you're doing with this platform is true beauty, I believe.
Jodi Hendricks:So I'm proud of you, I'm thankful for your courage in choosing something like this as your platform.
Lilia Garr:Thank you so much.
Jodi Hendricks:Now, I want to ask you, how have you seen the sentiment around adoption change over the past few years?
Lilia Garr:Well, I I kind of I've already always known that I was adopted. My parents made it a really big point to, like, talk about it with me and tell me so that it wasn't, like, something that came up one day and something I could resent them for, you know?
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah.
Lilia Garr:So it's always been a conversation in my family that felt really natural and normal.
Jodi Hendricks:Good.
Lilia Garr:But there there was the other things growing up where I was like, I'd be with other kids and I would say, oh, I'm adopted because it was a normal thing for me to talk about. Yeah. And it would always be some sort of like, not necessarily negative response, but something like that. It's like, oh, really? So what?
Lilia Garr:You're like, your parents didn't want you or what happened? You know, things like that.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah.
Lilia Garr:And it's not always necessarily the people's fault, but it's like, it might just be a misunderstanding. Yeah. And then there's always like the jokes. It's a really popular thing to joke about, like calling your sibling adopted as an insult or things Yeah. Like Yeah.
Lilia Garr:So that's always been something that I thought was, you know, kind of weird.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah.
Lilia Garr:And then as far as in, like, recent years so I think it's always kinda had a negative stigma around it. Yeah. But in recent years, I feel like a lot more conversations about, like, the trauma and about what happens to kids who are placed badly or just different things like that, all the negative things about it. And I'm hearing a lot more about that than the positives, I think.
Jodi Hendricks:And it's sad because so often, across multiple subjects, it seems like the negative is what is loudest. Yet the negative can be rare. The negative isn't as common as what we see in positives. You know, we hear about the negative placements. We hear about the trauma stories because that's what's the loudest right now.
Jodi Hendricks:But it doesn't mean that that's every adoption story, does it?
Lilia Garr:Yes.
Jodi Hendricks:There's a lot of hope and encouragement within an adoption story. Yours specifically, how has being adopted shaped your sense of identity?
Lilia Garr:In so many ways, honestly. And I love to talk about this all the time. How it's just completely transformed my life. You know, I I've gotten a little a small look into, like, what my birth dad was like, and I just and I actually have totally rabbit hole, but I have a half sister that I was able to meet Woah. Because I was able to reconnect with my birth or my grandparents Okay.
Lilia Garr:On my birth dad's side. And I've just seen how her life has, you know, just it's been rough. She's had a she's had a really hard life, and a lot of that is due to our birth dad.
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:And, you know, I just know that God saved me from a situation that I was I was not supposed to be in at all. So that's completely shaped the way that I think about so many things. Yeah. And just gives you this overall really big sense of gratitude and thankfulness. And it kinda changes the way you think about other things too, you know?
Lilia Garr:Absolutely. Going through life with kind of like a, Oh, this is this is a situation that I was saved from, and this is a situation I am in now, and I have so many more opportunities that I would have never had.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. Now, let's talk spiritually just for a second. How has your adoption story You've about how it shaped your identity. How has it shaped your view of God?
Lilia Garr:It's just showed me how merciful he is and how he always has a plan. He can say something as negative and as harmful or just not a good situation, you know, as a teen pregnancy or a situation that was not great for my birth parents, and he turned that into something that, like, has changed my life and my parents' life Yes. In a a better way. Yes. And I've also just seen, like, how he has such a specific plan Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:And it always goes the way he wants it to, especially with the meeting my grandparents again. That's an amazing story, actually, because my mom was at Flying Star with a friend, and she saw this man, like, look at her weird. He was just, like, looking at her, and he was like he looked really confused, and she was like, what is he doing? I heard both sides of this story, which is funny.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah.
Lilia Garr:And he comes up to her and he goes, are you Michelle? And she's like, yes. Do I know you from somewhere? And he was like, I'm I'm your daughter's grandfather. Yeah.
Jodi Hendricks:And so
Lilia Garr:Wow. It was it was an insane circumstance. They met at Flying Star. They he had recognized her from my baby pictures because apparently, my birth dad had shared my baby my baby pictures with him. Oh.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. So That's incredible. I love how
Jodi Hendricks:the Lord does that. I know.
Lilia Garr:So that that especially was just like, I was like, Wow, God's really cool.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. Well, how involved He is in our day to day, and even in those little things that end up just turning into something that is unbelievably just His grace and His mercy, His love, and how that changes our sense of identity.
Lilia Garr:Yeah.
Jodi Hendricks:And it sounds like throughout many aspects of your adoption story, there's been those opportunities where you've seen how the Lord has shaped you, and that plan that He had for you.
Lilia Garr:Yeah.
Jodi Hendricks:I love that. That is wonderful. What is something you wish adoptive parents better understood about being adopted?
Lilia Garr:I think that, you know, my parents have learned a lot from raising me and my brother and being adoptive. My brother and I are polar opposites. Oh, yeah? Complete opposites. We have yeah.
Lilia Garr:It's just insane how different we are, and so they learned a lot. I responded to my adoption a lot different than he responded to his. So I think it's important to just really know that each child is gonna respond in a different way.
Jodi Hendricks:Oh, yeah.
Lilia Garr:Not everybody responds the same. You know, you can have one child who is okay and comes to terms with their adoption in a, you know, timely manner and kind of gets it and understands. And then you have another one who maybe struggles a lot more. Mhmm. And they're gonna have a lot more problems with that.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah.
Lilia Garr:Yeah, mainly that not every child is gonna respond the same and that the trauma is real, even though Yeah. You might not think, like even if we're adopted at birth, me and my brother
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:It's still something that exists, so and that might be something that you will have to talk about and deal with with your child.
Jodi Hendricks:I'm so glad that you bring that up, and that you are putting that out there to parents, because I feel like it can be a position that parents find themselves in, Did I do this the wrong way? Did I talk about it wrong with my child? Did I There is no 100% proof way of being able to have these conversations in your family. Because your parents, I'm sure, were the same with you as they were with your brother, and that difference in how you both received and connected with it. Like you said, even knowing about it since you were little, this natural conversation and being adopted at birth, but yet the very different ways of responding, it's important to remember.
Jodi Hendricks:It's important for families to recognize, let's listen, let's watch, let's take it a step at a time and see what we need to do. There's no check boxes that you're gonna have to just check off the list. Okay, we had all the right conversations. These are conversations that are ongoing and continual to make sure that you're addressing the needs that you each have as you come across all of this information.
Lilia Garr:Yeah, there's really no right way, and it's never the parents' fault. I feel like that's something my parents like, struggled with for a while, and it's it's not their fault.
Jodi Hendricks:Oh, love that. Parents, do you hear that? It's not your fault. There is no easy way to navigate this, but you just have to be willing. And I think that I know your parents, I love your parents, they're wonderful people.
Jodi Hendricks:They are. And your parents love the Lord. And I guarantee that every conversation they had with you, every decision they made was bathed in prayer. Yes. And so parents, that's just an encouragement to you.
Jodi Hendricks:Have those conversations with the Lord before you're trying to have them with your kids. Take it to Him, see what He leads you to, because He has a plan for you and for your little one, and it is always for good, and it is always to bring glory to Him. And so I'm thankful for your parents and how they sought the Lord and how they have had those conversations with you, but remembering that not every child will respond the same. And you see that within the same household.
Lilia Garr:Uh-huh,
Jodi Hendricks:yep. That's good. I think that's encouraging. That hopefully is encouraging to parents out there. Now, Lilia, what kinds of conversations are you hoping to change around adoption?
Jodi Hendricks:Through your platform, your service, what what are you seeing? What are you wanting to see change in the conversation about adoption? Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:Well, first of all, just starting the conversation for those who haven't started it. You would be shocked how many young birth mothers don't even know that adoption is even an option. I was able to talk on a panel with new adopted parents and birth parents. And it was like, it was through an adoption agency. Uh-huh.
Lilia Garr:And so you got to hear the side from somebody with so my family, with me already being older.
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:So you could hear that. And then you had the adoptive parents, the new ones, getting insight. And then you had the birth mother, like, giving her side.
Jodi Hendricks:I bet that was a valuable panel. Oh, yes. It was
Lilia Garr:really cool. And, you know, she said she didn't even know that adoption was an option until a nurse told her. Wow. So you would be surprised how many people don't even think about it as, you know, an option. But other than that, just kind of shifting it from all these horror stories.
Lilia Garr:Mhmm. Like, they do happen. And, you know, even with my brother, there there have been some rough rough times, but shifting it to more of a positive thing. And then the other thing I'm trying to do with my platform mainly is encourage other kids who might be a little bit older or even younger who are ready to talk about their adoption and share their stories to do that. Because, you know, there's kind of this, like, shameful stigma around it, like
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm. Yeah.
Lilia Garr:To not share. And I know I felt that for a little while. Mhmm. So to kinda just encourage them that, like, there's nothing wrong with sharing your story.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. Normalize it. Mhmm. This okay. This is part of your identity.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. And it's
Lilia Garr:not a
Jodi Hendricks:bad thing. Did that stigma that you said for a while you were kind of not sure how to talk or if you wanted to talk about your story because of that stigma of shame you mentioned, is that because of the responses you got? Like you said at the beginning, those jokes, Oh, that's how you insult your sibling. You tell them they're adopted. Or people looking at you like, Oh, and then asking the questions, automatically jumping to, Does your parents not want you?
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. Is that where that stigma came from for you? Or was it built in other ways? And how did you finally overcome that to be able to say, No, I am gonna talk about this. What it tell me about that a little bit.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. I think part of it maybe was some of the responses. Mhmm. You know, I was surrounded by a great community when I was little too, so I didn't get a ton of them, but they did come occasionally. Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:But I think it is a lot more internalized, you know, there's something you're always struggling with. Adoptive kids, you know, are gonna naturally struggle with the thoughts of, oh, maybe there was something wrong with me, and maybe that's why I was given up for adoption. Yeah. So that mindset, in and of itself Okay. Kind of makes you not wanna share about it, you know?
Lilia Garr:Yeah. Because you don't well, you wouldn't wanna go up to somebody and be like, oh, I wasn't wanted, you know? Right. And that's kinda how you can think about it sometimes Mhmm. Even though it's not the truth.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. And I guess breaking through that, I did go through a bit of a struggle area probably when I was like 11, 10, 11
Jodi Hendricks:Okay.
Lilia Garr:Somewhere around there. And I had a lot of questions about my adoption. Mhmm. And the main thing that my parents did for me was they took me to the adoption agency, and I got to talk to one of the people there, working there. Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:And she gave me a bunch of stuff that was like information about my parents. Wow. I got a picture of my birth mother that's in my room now. And you just They just kinda had to let me process it for a little while.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes.
Lilia Garr:In my own way. And and then, you know, what happened with my my grandparents too was a little bit of a shifting point too, into saying, like, this isn't a bad thing.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah.
Lilia Garr:And clearly, this is something that God had planned for me, and so why not share it, you know?
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. I love how your story really shows that shift of focusing on what we would say the negatives, right? That like, Oh, somebody didn't want me, or What was wrong with me? Or those questions that come up for someone who's been adopted. But then being able to shift and understand, Wait a minute, there's a really positive side here.
Jodi Hendricks:Like, God had a plan for me, and He knew where I needed to be, and He knew who needed to raise me, and He knew how to get me to them, and seeing the beauty, the redemptive side of it, rather than the loss side of it. But understanding that they go together. And like you said, yes, adoptees are going to have some trauma. There's a lot to process there. There's a lot of questions that are going to be asked.
Jodi Hendricks:And that's natural, that's okay. But to be able to process through it and come out the other side saying, Okay, I see God at work, and I'm gonna choose to focus on what I know He's doing for my good. So I love how your story just gives a beautiful picture of that. But no, there were times where it wasn't easy. There were those questions and that heartache that came with it, but allowing yourself to process through, and again your parents, allowing you to process it in your own way, and seeing where it's brought you today.
Jodi Hendricks:It's made you stronger for it.
Lilia Garr:For sure.
Jodi Hendricks:And it's affected your identity. Yeah. Definitely, because it's part of you just realizing who you are in the Lord's eyes as a piece of creation that the Creator Himself intended and gave purpose to and has walked with all along the way. So I love that. Now, what advice would you give to parents who are raising adopted children today?
Jodi Hendricks:So it's not just about the conversation, it's not just about the processing, or that the children do it differently, right? We've talked about that. But what advice would you give them while they're just currently raising their kids?
Lilia Garr:Just kind of go alongside them with it. Yeah, like I said earlier, everybody processes it differently. My brother and I are great examples of that, and they've had to raise us in different very different ways. Mhmm. So there's not one cookie cutter plan for it, you know?
Lilia Garr:Yeah.
Jodi Hendricks:Well, and I'd like to point out, as a parent, it doesn't matter if your child is adopted or every child is different. Yes, for sure. I've done with my oldest daughter does not work with my son, and that does not work with my younger two girls. I mean, every single one of those kids is different. So it doesn't matter if you're adopted or biological, you're an individual.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes. You are unique, and you're going to need a different kind of attention from your parents.
Lilia Garr:Yes, for sure.
Jodi Hendricks:So remembering that parents, it's okay. Every child is different. Again, there's no cookie cutter mold here, right?
Lilia Garr:Yes, for sure. Other than that, specifically for adoptive parents, to kind of, you know, they there are negative conversations about trauma, and sometimes that can make us think, oh, okay. So then to make it to shift the conversation, we should, you know, suppress that and, like, you know, not not talk about that and not, tell kinda tell our child to, hey. No. Let's not do that.
Lilia Garr:You know? Let's not have those thoughts. And that's obviously not gonna work. So just kinda be there for them through it Mhmm. And understand that there is gonna be those issues.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. And that's okay, though.
Jodi Hendricks:You know?
Lilia Garr:And a lot of kids, especially, I know that I've seen this many times, especially with other friends too who have been adopted. There's going to be this point usually somewhere like pre teen preteens, tweens, that area. That's kind of gonna be the hardest, is from what I've But you do kind of I don't wanna say grow out of it, but
Jodi Hendricks:You grow through it. Yeah. You go through it.
Lilia Garr:Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. If there's really a hard point at some point, just know that, like, it won't last forever.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. Yeah.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. I love that advice, don't suppress the trauma. Let them talk about it. Let them work through it. That's part of the process.
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm. That's good. I know as parents sometimes we can be fearful when our kids are struggling. Yes. And we want to just get them past it.
Jodi Hendricks:It's just be okay, well just don't think about that then, right? Yeah. Let's talk about good things, let's not go there. But we have to let our kids work through it.
Lilia Garr:And
Jodi Hendricks:so I think that's valuable advice that you've given, Lilia, for parents to just let their kids talk about it, let their kids work through it. But then something that we see in scripture over and over is that we can't get stuck there. Have to, no matter what we're dealing with, right? No matter what trial or valley we're going through, we can't just sit and stew in it. We have to be working forward, right?
Jodi Hendricks:Yes. And I would say that's the same parents with your kiddos working through that trauma piece. Let them work through it, but always encourage them to move through it. Yes. Not get stuck in it.
Jodi Hendricks:I think that that is so, so good. I'm so glad that you brought that up. Now, what advice or encouragement would you give to other young adoptees?
Lilia Garr:Well, like I said, one thing I'm really working on is helping other young people find their voices and speak up and share.
Jodi Hendricks:Love. That's what we do here at The Family Table and New Mexico Fam, help people find their voices. So you're a perfect fit.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. So that's something I'm working on. I would just say, you know, it is really hard to struggle with those thoughts of it being a shameful thing, and you're going to still get comments.
Lilia Garr:Mhmm. And, you know, jokes will still be made. But the important thing is that you're getting your story out there, and when you do that, other people are going to realize that they can also speak up. Yeah. And they're also able to tell their story, and it Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:It makes the shame feel smaller, and Mhmm. Eventually, you know, with more people talking about it, hopefully that will go away.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. Yeah. It really, again, that the idea of normalizing.
Lilia Garr:Mhmm.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes. This is okay. There doesn't have to be a shame attached to it. There doesn't have to be negative connotation. It's this is a beautiful thing.
Lilia Garr:Yes. And, you know, something else that I struggled with when I was little was thinking that no other adopted kid felt the way that I did too. And so when you see more people talk about that, you realize there are other people who are going through what I've gone through and there is a way out of that.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes.
Lilia Garr:And it just makes you feel more light and like you're not doing it by yourself, so that's why it's important to be talking about it.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes. I I love that. You are not alone. You are not the only one to have gone through this or deal with this, and other people are there. Do you know, are there groups around, or like counseling groups, adoption groups, that people can get connected to?
Jodi Hendricks:Do you know? This is kind of an off the cuff question But for you, are there ways people can connect and be able to see that they're not alone?
Lilia Garr:You know, I'm not completely sure about that. I have, you know, the the agency Uh-huh. That I was adopted through has been, like, super open, and I know they've helped a lot of kids work through that, not just me. Yeah. And they they keep in communication with all the kids that they've helped place and the families.
Lilia Garr:That's great. Yeah.
Jodi Hendricks:I don't think people really think about that. Think they you know, once the adoption is done, the agency's out of the picture. But it's really a valuable resource,
Lilia Garr:It is. It sounds It's a really valuable resource, That's so great. I mean, I guess it depends on the agency. All of them might not be like that.
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:And depending on what kind of adoption it was, that might be a more difficult thing to find. But, I would say that's been a really good resource for me. And now I'm actually working with them. Like the different projects and stuff like that,
Jodi Hendricks:which That's is incredible.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. So that, I'm sure there's different support groups because there's support groups for, like, everything.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. Well, and it sounds like your website, which we'll talk about here a little bit more in just a minute, but it sounds like the website that you have is also a great place for these kids to be able to go. Because on your website you have a video where there's several people telling their adoption story, right?
Lilia Garr:Yes, yes.
Jodi Hendricks:So that's a great place to go, a great resource, which we'll share that, we'll definitely have it linked below. So that they can come and see, hey look, there are other people like me who went through the same thing, and for many of the testimonies that you have, you see how they've come through it. You see how they had to process through, just like you said, I had to go through it, I had to process, but now, where am I today because of that?
Lilia Garr:Yes,
Jodi Hendricks:that's the thing
Lilia Garr:that we focus on, the video.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes, that's a great, great resource. So, what changes would you like to see in how society talks about adoption? Because we've been talking really about the home, parents having that open conversation, kids, how they have those conversations, And you've talked about a little bit about stigmatizing language that can be out there, but let's talk a little bit bigger picture conversation on adoption. How would you like to see it change in society as a whole?
Lilia Garr:Well, I think we really need to stop pushing the negative stories.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah.
Lilia Garr:I know they exist, and it is important that we share those too, because that's something that comes along with it. But, you know, we've been talking about redemption this whole time, So if you're going to push something, if you wanna share a story, you know, that there is trauma, there is. There is a lot of struggle and things that come with that. But there's also, like we were talking about, a way out. Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:And so to share those stories as well Yeah. Is it kinda combats the negative aspects. Yes. And I think it's important for people to know about both, honestly.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. It's that scale, that balance. Mhmm. Right? That My kids would totally be making fun of me right now.
Jodi Hendricks:Oh, six seventy. But it's a balance, right? Yes, there are traumatic stories, and they need to be talked about, deserve to be heard, and there needs to be compassion there. But we've gotta balance it out so that society can see it is not all that. Yes.
Jodi Hendricks:There are a lot of beautiful stories that if you hear more of these beautiful stories, you're a lot more encouraged, you're a lot more excited, maybe inspired to consider adoption yourself. I mean so definitely we need to find that balance in that conversation in For
Lilia Garr:Which is why I think it's so important for young people to start sharing their stories. Yes. And that's kind of a way that we can start adding the positive back into the conversation.
Jodi Hendricks:Absolutely. You know, lately, this podcast feels very timely, this conversation on adoption. Because lately it seems like more and more people are talking about the negative side. On social media, there's comments that are always being made that just draw to the negative. I think there was a comment the other day on a post that even talked to, like somebody was just railing on parents and saying, Oh, you just wanted to buy a baby.
Jodi Hendricks:I mean, just really demeaning adoption as the beautiful thing that it is. And so, lately that conversation, that side seems to be growing and getting louder, focusing on all of the bad stories. Like you said, it's just that it's so much louder. We recognize, of course, that adoption often comes out of broken or difficult situations. It's the truth.
Jodi Hendricks:It's the fact. But it can always be a redemptive process. Yes. So what would you say to people who seem to only focus on that negative aspect of adoption? What would you tell them about that redemptive side?
Lilia Garr:Yeah. Well, I think our world currently is focusing on the negative in pretty much all things.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes.
Lilia Garr:I mean, the news isn't gonna be reporting about positive events, obviously. Mhmm. And I know a lot of people get stuck in the negative in all things. Yeah. You know, politics, current world issues, anything.
Lilia Garr:They're always looking at the negative. So I think that's something that kind of in a horrible way human nature naturally is drawn to, is the negative things. But, you know, there's always we don't think about the positives because we're so focused in the negative, and sometimes that feels stronger. So, you know, just to kind of weigh both things, it's a pro and con thing, you know. There are gonna be some issues.
Lilia Garr:But the overall message, the overall thing that adoption is doing is saving people Mhmm. And saving children
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:From situations that would have been 10 times worse. Yeah. Yes, we may have trauma. Yes, there may be some different things we've had to process, but ultimately, I was saved from a life that would not have been very good for me. You know, I'm in a much better state mentally.
Lilia Garr:I have so many more opportunities financially, everything. I have been given a life that my birth parents could have never given me. I have the utmost respect for them.
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm.
Lilia Garr:But they, you know, they were healing. They could have never given that to me. Yeah. And so, you know, that is something my parents now could give me, and that's something I have now. Yeah.
Lilia Garr:And so, do does my brother have trauma? And do I have trauma? Yes. Mhmm. But ultimately, we're gonna be given so many more opportunities throughout our lives.
Lilia Garr:Yeah. And we were still saved from some not great situations, and that's how it is with all adopted kids. Mhmm. So, you know, yeah, you can focus on the bad things Mhmm. And how they're gonna be, you know, not not all mentally okay.
Lilia Garr:You know, they're gonna have some issues with that. But ultimately, that situation's gonna be 10 times better than whatever situation
Jodi Hendricks:Yes.
Lilia Garr:They're coming from.
Jodi Hendricks:Yes. I think that's so good to remind families, to remind society right now, that we have to choose to recognize that beautiful things can come from a bad situation. We see that in scripture. Look at the story of Joseph and what his brothers intended for him. His brothers were going to murder him.
Jodi Hendricks:His brothers were then sold him because they didn't like him, and he sold into slavery. But then look at the path that Joseph took. Look at everything that happened on that what would have seemed like a negative situation. It was a negative situation. He had to go through it.
Jodi Hendricks:Just like you said, there is trauma. You do have to walk through that. Joseph had to walk through the negative that he was put through. But then look how God used it. He ended up, you know, the the most important, Potiphar's house, being able to go from this slave who was sold on the side of the road to running Potiphar's house.
Jodi Hendricks:Well, the wife Potiphar's wife, you know, tries to get him to do something he knows he's not supposed to do. He runs, and so she's mad and creates a story. And so unfairly, again, he's thrown in prison. But then while in prison, he happens to meet two people from the palace, interprets dreams, then they end up back, and years later, in front of Pharaoh, and Joseph's name comes up, and then he's pulled in front of Pharaoh, and then pretty soon he's running Yep. I mean, look at what a beautiful thing comes.
Jodi Hendricks:And Scripture tells us that what man had intended for evil, God used for good. Mhmm. And so we live in a dark world. We live in a world full of negative situations. But our God is still very active.
Jodi Hendricks:He is still very present in our lives. And He can and He will do miraculous things, just like He did with Joseph. And I look at our adoption stories like that. We could focus on the negative. Joseph could have been bitter by focusing on the negative start of that story.
Lilia Garr:But
Jodi Hendricks:instead, he chose to stay focused on the Lord. He chose to find hope. And adoption is the same way, I believe. You can choose to focus on that negative and get stuck there. You can choose to stay in the trauma.
Jodi Hendricks:Or you can look at the beautiful things that God is doing with it. The beautiful opportunities that the Lord brings. Bringing beauty from ashes. Mhmm. Right?
Jodi Hendricks:I love that reflection on adoption, seeing the beauty in it, and how God has blessed you immensely through your adoption story. For sure. He definitely So, Lilia, thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you for being here, and thank you for what you're doing. Before we finish, can you just give a little bit of information about your website?
Jodi Hendricks:Where can families go to see what you're doing?
Lilia Garr:Yeah. It's called Adopting Change. It has It's a Google site, so it has some long URL that I can't even remember most times. Will it be linked Okay. Below the It'll be linked below the below the video, and it has the adoption testimony documentary on there.
Lilia Garr:It has different places that if you would like to donate your money, really good organizations. I have my story and a little bit about me. And then I also have, like, an upcoming events thing, which we're working we're working on that. Okay. Yeah.
Lilia Garr:So there's a lot of different resources on there. Great.
Jodi Hendricks:Yeah. Now what if someone sees the video on your site, sees these people giving their testimonies and their adoption stories, and they finally feel ready to tell their adoption story. Can they reach out to you? Or what would you encourage them to do? How can they use their voice?
Jodi Hendricks:Because one of the things you said was, I wanna help adoptees find their voice. What can they do? How can you help them find their voice?
Lilia Garr:Yeah. If they want to reach out to me, I would love that. I have a contact page on my website, with just different places you can contact me. I would definitely love that. And other than that, you know, you can share your story in so many ways, whether it's just, you know, having a conversation with somebody who is curious.
Lilia Garr:There's there's so many different ways, honestly. Yeah. But I would love to help brainstorm with you if you're interested in that. Yeah. There's there's a lot of different things they can do.
Lilia Garr:That's great. And then if they wanted to if anybody, even if they weren't adopted, wanted to share their video in some the video in some way, the documentary Mhmm. I am trying to get that out as well. So if it's a church, if you're just, you know, whoever, I have a contact information for that as well if they would like to share the video. Just reach out to me.
Lilia Garr:I would love for churches to, you know, share it somehow, or anyone really, any organization. Absolutely. Well, one of
Jodi Hendricks:the things we've been talking about lately is really challenging the church. Mhmm. What would specifically New Mexico look like if the church were to really get involved in the adoption game? Yeah. What if they were to step up as the foster parents that our state so desperately needs?
Jodi Hendricks:Mhmm. What if they were the ones to initiate the adoption and have beautiful Christ centered homes for all of these kids who have a need? So I'm glad that you said that, that you'd like to get your video out to the churches. What we're gonna do is we're gonna share it in our newsletter. So if you're not already subscribed to the New Mexico Fam newsletter, I would really encourage you to do that.
Jodi Hendricks:You can contact us through our website, you can join the newsletter through our website. And we're gonna be highlighting Lilia this week. And we're going to be giving you the links to her website and her contact page, and her video will be there. And I just really want to encourage you, if you're a family member, if you're a parent, if you're a child, if you're an adoptee, if you're a pastor of a church, if you are connected to adoption in any way, or if you're wondering how you might be able to get involved with helping others through adoption, please be connected with us. Get connected with Lilia, because this is a beautiful opportunity for us to show the love of Christ.
Jodi Hendricks:Lilia, thank you so much. I think this has been a very valuable conversation. I believe that families will be inspired by it, especially families that are walking through the adoption process, whether they're in the process of bringing that baby home, or they're dealing with their preteen or teen who's struggling through the trauma right now. I truly believe you've given some beautiful advice. I thank you for your heart, and I thank you for your courage in sharing your story and in joining us here at New Mexico Fam at the Family Table.
Jodi Hendricks:Remember, have the conversations, guys. The kitchen table, the family table, is where our families are shaped. Whether they're beautiful conversations, hard conversations, or the ones that take a little bit more courage and compassion. So I hope that you will have the conversation. You're always welcome here at the table.
Jodi Hendricks:Have a good one.