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Christian husbands, it's time to face a hard truth: being "nice" and passive isn't the key to a passionate marriage. Many of you have been misled by well-meaning but misguided advice that physical attraction doesn't matter in a godly union. This couldn't be further from the truth. The Bible speaks extensively about the importance of sexual intimacy in marriage, and it's time to reclaim this vital aspect of your relationship.
To revive your marriage, you must embrace your God-given masculinity. This doesn't mean becoming a tyrant, but rather stepping up as a strong, confident leader who isn't afraid to pursue his wife. No more neediness or seeking validation - it's time to become the man your wife can't help but be attracted to. Remember, your faith alone won't ignite her desire. You need to embody the qualities of a true man warrior king: strength, passion, and unwavering commitment.
Don't fall into the trap of believing that your wife's lack of attraction is solely her problem. Take ownership of your role in the relationship. Lead by example, both spiritually and physically. Reignite your own passion for life, for God, and for your wife. When you become the best version of yourself, your wife will naturally be drawn to you. This isn't about manipulation; it's about becoming the man God designed you to be.
It's time to stop settling for a lukewarm marriage. You have the power to create the passionate, fulfilling relationship you both deserve. Don't let fear or false humility hold you back. Embrace your role as a leader, lover, and protector. Your wife is waiting for you to step up and be the man she can lean on, trust, and desire.
Listen to the full episode of the Man Warrior King podcast to dive deeper into these truths. Then, take the next step in your journey to authentic masculinity by purchasing "The DNA of a Man." This book will equip you with the tools and insights you need to transform your marriage and become the man you were created to be. Don't wait another day - start reviving your marriage now.
If you haven't yet, be sure to grab The DNA of a Man.
Also, if you're interested in working with Matt one-on-one in the Unshakeable Man coaching program...click here to download the PDF writeup about the program and book a free 30 minute REBUILD coaching call with Matt.
- Aim for a passionate, authentic life focused on faith and presence.
- Embrace your identity as a man, warrior, and king with conviction.
- Discusses the importance of physical attraction in marriage alongside godliness.
- Challenges the church's teachings that downplay attraction.
- Stresses that physical attraction is vital for a healthy marriage.
- Encourages men to seek ways to rekindle attraction rather than accept its decline.
- Emphasizes the need for personal growth to enhance marital desire.
- Understand who you need to become to reawaken physical attraction in your marriage.
- Avoid accepting the notion that attraction fades over time; strive to be undeniably attractive.
- Don't argue or plead for attraction; instead, lead by example and improve yourself.
- If you’re losing attraction for your wife, recognize that your own complacency may be influencing her.
- Physical attraction is essential for a healthy marriage and can help resolve conflicts.
- Don't rely solely on faith to maintain attraction; balance your spiritual and relational responsibilities.
- Seek help or coaching if needed to improve your marriage dynamics.
Creators & Guests
What is The Man Warrior King Podcast?
You want to live a life on fire and on mission.
You want to be filled with such conviction and drive that you stop caring about what ANYone thinks.
You want to face each day alive, authentic, and fully present in every moment: with your wife, kids, on the street, at the gym, at work.
You want to bring yourSELF to the table, and to stop bringing the watered-down, nice, what everyone wants version of you.
You want that self to be a man who is burning in passion for Jesus, unafraid to bring his kingdom to anyone in your path, no matter the cost.
You want to love the one in front of you without fear, without needing love back, and without reserve.
You want to experience God for real, to not just believe, but to KNOW that he’s got you and that he’ll show up on your behalf. That he’ll show up THROUGH you.
You want to get to the end of your race and say, “Yep…I gave it everything. Jesus, you know I’m all in.”
...And you want to know just how to get there.
Welcome to Man Warrior King. Congratulations. You are among the violent taking the kingdom by force. You are among the chosen, answering the call to rise above your self. You are in the forge being stripped down and strengthened—and you WILL rise stronger, solid, unshakeable.
You are a man. You are a warrior. You are a king.
Speaker 1
You want to live a life on fire and on mission. You want to be filled with such conviction and drive that you stop caring about what anyone thinks. You want to face each day alive, authentic, and fully present in every moment. With your wife, with your kids, on the street, at work.
Speaker 1
You want to bring yourself to the table and to stop bringing the watered-down, nice, what-everyone-wants version of you. You want that self to be a man who is burning in passion for Jesus, unafraid to bring his kingdom to anyone in your path, no matter what it costs you. You want to love the 1 in front of you without fear, without needing love back and without reserve. You want to husband well.
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You want to father well. You want to shepherd your life well. You want to be a safe pillar for anybody around you. You want to experience God for real, to not just believe, but to know that He's got you and that He'll show up on your behalf.
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That he'll show up through you. You want to get to the end of your race and say, yep, I gave it everything. Jesus, you know I'm all in. And you want to know just how to get there.
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Welcome to Man Warrior King. I'm your host, Matt Halleck. Congratulations. You're among the violent taking the kingdom by force.
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You're among the chosen, answering the call to rise above yourself. You're in the forge being stripped down and strengthened and you will rise stronger, solid, unshakable. You are a man, you're a warrior, You are a king. Good afternoon and welcome to another episode of the Man Warrior King podcast.
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I'm your host Matt Halleck. I'm the founder of the DNA founder of the Man Warrior King movement And I'm the author of the book, the DNA of a man. If you haven't picked up the book yet, you got to get it. Check the link in the show notes here and you'll be taken right to it.
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You can start reading it immediately and it has already changed thousands of men's lives. Let yours be 1 of them. If you have read it, would you mind leaving a review on Amazon? That would be incredible.
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And also leaving a review here on the podcast, wherever you happen to be listening to it. Thank you. So today I want to talk with you about Christian marriage advice and in particular the advice that physical attraction is not all that important and that godliness should be the most attractive quality of a spouse and This is important for us guys to talk about here for 2 reasons 1 should you feel guilty if you want your wife to be attractive physically? And should you feel guilty if her faith is not the most attractive thing?
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And 2, what is it that you need to focus on in order to awaken your wife's desire and attraction to you? And it is no secret, gentlemen, that in my estimation, much of the church's teachings towards us, towards men and women on marriage, many of these teachings are not helpful. They are, They are religious, legalistic, and holy sounding, but lacking power. And this is exactly what Jesus warned us about with the Pharisees.
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He said, you honor the traditions of men above God's own Word and by doing so you have made his Word have no effect and and Paul writes about how there's forms of godliness out there, but lacking power and gentlemen, I do believe that So much of what we hear about marriage from the church is fits into that descriptor So let's talk about this idea of physical attraction with your spouse. In my opinion, if your wife is very godly, but you are not attracted to her, there may be other things going on besides just the fact that you should readjust your attraction meter so that it goes through the roof just because she loves Jesus and has faith. If you look at a lot of dating advice out there a lot of dating advice will say yeah Attraction is important But the most attractive thing about somebody that you look to Mary should be that she's godly That she has a mutual faith in Jesus that should be super super attractive I'll tell you what gentlemen I thought this when I was dating my wife. I thought that my faith, because I had a strong faith in Jesus, I wanted to love him and serve him with everything I had wanted to go into ministry.
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I'd go out on the streets of downtown San Luis Obispo and Tell people about Jesus. I mean Attractive right? I thought that that Should be the main attraction And I couldn't understand when It wasn't when all of a sudden those things Became It became Apparent to me that those things weren't that important not that they weren't that important forgive me That's the wrong way of putting it. They're very important to my wife my faith is incredibly important to her and We and if we did not share a faith together in Jesus if she was on 1 page and I was on another no there's no way we'd be as close as we are right now so please don't hear anything I'm not saying and what I'm not saying is that your faith is not important that that's that that's not a big deal because it is And I would not recommend marrying somebody that you don't share your Christian faith with.
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Of course. So it was important to her, but I thought that that was all it would take to be attractive to her. That plus the romantic gestures of flowers and planning great elaborate dates and things like that. I thought that my outstanding commitment to Jesus and My ability to create romance was what it would do was what it would take.
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I was wrong. I Was wrong and I would not recommend anybody even if you do have a faith in common. I would not recommend that anybody pursues marriage with somebody they're not attracted to. If you look in scripture and you set down for a moment the myriad Christian voices that are talking about how attraction isn't that important and you look at what the Bible has to say about relationships, romantic relationships, it becomes pretty apparent that the physical attraction is crucial, absolutely vital to the health of a marriage.
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You can't escape it. Can you find scriptures that talk about how inner beauty is more important than outer beauty? Yes, you can. Can you find scriptures that talk about how inner beauty is more important than outer beauty?
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Yes, you can. Can you find scriptures that talk about how beauty will fade? Yes, you can. That those things being true does not mean that physical attraction cannot also be 1 of the most important parts of a marriage.
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Because if you look at everything the Bible has to say about marriage, first of all, the majority is about sex. The majority of specific marriage scriptures is about sex. And I'm including in that the book of Song of Solomon. If physical attraction was not important, God would not have talked about it as much as he did in the context of marriage.
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So we've got to get out of our heads that physical attraction doesn't matter so much. And what this should do for you gentlemen is a couple of things. 1, is that it should free you from the guilt of feeling like you're just a selfish pig because you want attraction in your marriage. Because you're desperate for your wife to actually want you.
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Now should you be living in desperation? No. But you are free to feel the pain if she's not attracted to you right now. You are okay for that to hurt.
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And know the right way through is not to just let go of your desire for her to be physically attracted to you because that's not important anyway. That is wrong and misguided and it's damaging and I'm sorry if that's what you've been living under. No, the answer is not for you to figure out how to be okay without her being attracted to you. The answer is for you to figure out who do you need to become in order to Reawaken that physical attraction that once was there And I understand this can be tough gentlemen, especially if she has begun to accept the notion That attraction in a marriage is just it's just normal that it fades over time and it shouldn't be that important to you anymore If she's in that place and you're feeling this pain, yeah, that's difficult.
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So what do you do? Your job is not to just go along with what she's saying in that sense. Your job is to learn who do you become in order to overcome those theological roadblocks that now she is living under so that your attractivity overpowers bad theology. So that even though she's of the idea that attraction isn't all that important, you can convince her otherwise by being too attractive for her to deny.
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And you get her familiar with what marriage is like being attracted to you compared to what it used to be like when she wasn't attracted to you And then have her answer the question of whether it's important or not What will not be a good action plan is to enter into argument after argument with her, whining and trying to convince her that attraction is important, so please be attracted to me now. You are free to pursue physical attraction in your marriage because it is a gift. It is a crucial part of the marriage that God has given us to enjoy. And when the physical attraction isn't there, a lot of other things can start to break down and go wrong.
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Somehow we don't read about that in a lot of the Christian articles out there, and yet it's true. Now, questioned. What if you're the 1 who's losing attraction for your wife? What if she has let herself go?
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And in such a way where she's not attractive to you? What if she has stopped caring about her appearance? A lot of guys find themselves in that position and it's painful on multiple levels. 1 because you want your wife to be attractive.
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2 because what it says to you is that she doesn't care about her connection with you as much as she used to. Because she used to be so excited to get together with you, to go on a date with you, she'd wanna make herself look as hot as possible. And now that's just not there anymore. So that lack of desire, you're noticing that she's not as attractive, just reminds you of her own lack of desire for you.
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So what about that? Are you supposed to just learn how to let go of all that and just be turned on by her faith? I don't believe so. But can you argue with her?
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Can you beg her and plead with her? Can you force her into caring about these things again. No you can't. No you have to lead by example.
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If she has let herself go It's likely because she's following your lead and you've let yourself go. Maybe it's not in the same way. Maybe you haven't let yourself go in your physical appearance or maybe you have. I don't know.
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It doesn't have to be the exact same, but when you let yourself go, you are leading her to let herself go. That is true. So you need to lead by example in the other direction. You need to figure out what in life are you letting go?
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What have you been passive about? What have you been lazy about? Where have you not been the man that you were when you were dating where you would put your best foot forward for this woman because she was worth it? Where have you allowed the weeds of life to grow up and choke out the kingdom in you.
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The concerns of the world, the concerns of your life to grow up and cause you to enter into discouragement and despair and depression, to enter into a defeatist mode, to enter into settling for the way things are when you want them to be different. Stop letting yourself go and see what it does. What it does. See the problem with this advice that attraction doesn't matter is that physical attraction is often a glue that helps and motivates you to work through problems and differences.
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It is often a healer that can help bring you back together after you've been disconnected or fighting or whatever. No, in my experience, the men who assume that their faith should be the main cause of attraction in their wife are often the men whose wives are not attracted to them. And what does that teaching do? It creates in men this expectation that their wife needs to change.
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She's the 1 who's sinful and wrong because I'm the most Christian man in the world and she's not attracted to me it's her problem and now I've become a victim of her take ownership over her attraction level towards you that's what I had to do I had to realize I had to come to terms with the fact that even though I loved Jesus no less than I did before, I had to understand that was not the main, or forgive me, I have to be careful with these words that was not the sole requirement for us to be thriving as a married couple not by a long shot I can be the most faith-filled man who loves Jesus with all my heart and I can have a very little amount of confidence and joy and my wife is going to feel the pain of that. I can be the most faith-filled man and not understand what it means to lead my home in a masculine way. And my wife will feel the pain of that and it's not attractive. In fact, a man who's on fire for Jesus while his wife feels like she's not seen and loved and known, that's the opposite of attractive.
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In those cases, your faith can be the cause of resentment and bitterness because You love Jesus better than you love her. Notice I didn't say more. Love him more, all you want. But learn how to love her as well as you love Jesus.
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So please be careful what advice you listen to out there. Just because it's tagged with the Christian key word doesn't mean it's going to help your marriage. If attraction is low, then you have my permission, you have my, you have my instigation I, you have my instigation to pursue it with all you've got, everything you have. All right?
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So will you go out and do it? And if you need help, Will you contact me? Will you head over to manwarriorking.com fill out the contact form? And we can talk about coaching we can talk about getting you into 1 of the groups We can talk about what working one-on-one together All right But don't do it alone if you need the help.
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Bless you, gentlemen. I love you. Peace. This is Matt Halleck signing off and thanking you again for being a part of the Man Warrior King community.
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If you want more, head over to www.manwarriorking.com and please remember to take just a couple seconds to subscribe on iTunes and to leave a 5 star rating and a review so that more and more men can join us as we become awesome. You are a kingdom man. Go out, take more ground, push back darkness. Remember you bring value into your home, your work, and your circle.
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You are not a taker. You are a giver. Abundance is your atmosphere.