Creators & Guests
What is On Black.?
A WKNC commentary podcast about living and evolving while Black, hosted by Alexis Grant, Jeanine Ikekhua and Hamsata Mazou.
Alexis Grant 0:00
Hi, I'm Alexis,
Hamsata Mazou 0:01
And I'm Hamsata
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:03
And I'm Jeanine, and you're listening to WKNC 88.1 fm FM HD-1 radio
Alexis Grant 0:20
Welcome back everyone
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:21
Alexis Grant 0:21
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:22
Alexis Grant 0:22
Hamsata Mazou 0:28
How'd you like the first epsiode from us being back so far?
Alexis Grant 0:32
This is our first episode recording back since we've been back for the new school semester. So I feel like I have a whole new perspective for a lot of different things, including stuff we previously talked about in the podcast. There's stuff I said, I just want to put that out there, there's stuff I said, I do not feel that way anymore. I did not mean
Hamsata Mazou 0:52
The beauty of growth, you know, like things that happened a little bit ago, you don't feel the same way now and I definitely agree. Like, those some of those things that were said doesn't necessarily affect me now. But they reflect a part of you, you know.
Alexis Grant 1:06
It's like people listen to that, and they think that's who I am now.
Hamsata Mazou 1:10
Well, I think people just need to understand like, people grow. Yeah, so what they were yesterday's, not how they gonna be today. And those were few months ago so that's even a larger period. Like but a lesson, the lesson has not been learned yet. I think I'm in the process of learning it. Yeah. I think I'm definitely in the process. I've picked up some things that I know I don't want to do next time, you know.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:40
Period, no repeats. As for me and myself um, I wouldn't, I didn't learn it over summer. I'm learning it now. Because I did such go, go, go like I literally was taking five hour bus rides to get to my job and to come back like that is a lot over the summer. And then I'm also working and then I had two jobs I had to wake up at like 6, 5 am to get the job done and then go straight to the bus ride and go get the other job done. It was just a lot going on over summer and then after I finished my job, I went back home for a week and that entire week I slept about 80% of the day to the point my mom was like "Why are you sleeping so much, are you pregnant?" I was like, no girl. I'm not pregnant, I'm not pregnant. She would be like "Baby? Baby?" No, no baby. No baby. No but um lesson I learned is just to love myself more and take care of myself because now because I'm, I'm still on go, go, go. Like I was listing all the clubs that I have, why am I involved in six activities that require, and I also have 30 hours max of a job each week like I'm doing way too much. Thank you. No, but I'm doing way too much. And I've just learned like to love myself.
Alexis Grant 3:01
You need to cut something, you can't keep that up.
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:03
But also keep in mind, like I'm doing this because when I go abroad in summer, summer summer when I go abroad in the spring semester y'all not gonna catch me. I will be living it up in the UK. No job, no responsibility, nothing. I really, no for real.
Alexis Grant 3:18
You have a little bliss vacation.
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:20
No I will because I've learned
Alexis Grant 3:21
The class minimum requirements, I mean like
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:23
No, yeah, I'm not playing.
Alexis Grant 3:25
It's four too.
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:27
Oh no trust me. No do it.
Alexis Grant 3:33
Speakeasy in this small town
Hamsata Mazou 3:35
I've been wanting to go to one of those.
Alexis Grant 3:38
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:39
Alexis Grant 3:40
It's like a secret bar, so a lot of times it looks like grocery stores or whatever.
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:44
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Alexis Grant 3:46
They have a little
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:47
There's like a black owned one.
Alexis Grant 3:49
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:50
I don't, it's, it's in the US. Yeah. What's it called? I think Miracle Watts or something she had her baby shower and what like a birthday party in one.
Alexis Grant 3:58
Yeah, I was about to say who is that?
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:59
You know P-Valley?
Hamsata Mazou 4:01
I've seen P-Valley.
Jeanine Ikekhua 4:02
She plays Red Bone or something. Oh Okay.
Alexis Grant 4:05
Oh well when I say I've seen it, I seen the ad snippets. Yeah. It looks good. It's on my watch list but,-
Jeanine Ikekhua 4:13
I do need to watch P-Valley. But yeah, I just learned that little things such as like, like for example when I come back, when I go back to my apartment after this, there will be a nice little sweet note for myself that says I appreciate you so much waiting for me on my board. And there is my clothes laid out and a little lotion for my little feetie feets and my little hansy hands so I can you know just take care of myself. And I'm playing the music, I already lit the lights, well not lit the lights but, I have the lights ready to be switched on when I get back. Like I'm not playing about self care this semester because I have no other choice.
Alexis Grant 4:47
You're on it.
Hamsata Mazou 4:48
Alexis Grant 4:49
Sounds nice though.
Hamsata Mazou 4:50
Yeah, because you gotta hand out, oh, I know.
Jeanine Ikekhua 4:54
I come back to a meal ready to be like, you didn't like the beat, nah a meal ready to go like I'm not playing by myself because I need it. I will crash at this point if I don't get it together.
Alexis Grant 5:07
Yeah, that's scary. Okay, get into the thick of the episode, we talking about growth today, y'all if y'all haven't noticed, first question off the bat, when, like, when it comes to your preference on growth, y'all like rapid growth, y'all like slow growth. How do you like to go about like forcefully growing yourself? Like? Does that make sense?
Jeanine Ikekhua 5:27
I know what you mean.
Alexis Grant 5:29
Like, do you like that rapid, like, quick growth? Or do you want to ease into it? Do you like being stagnant for a while? Like, what do you feel works best for you in growing? The most effective?
Jeanine Ikekhua 5:41
I'll be honest, like, I don't usually have to force myself to grow, god really do that for me. But he just be throwing me in stuff and it be like, well, here we go again. I just, I don't know. I want to say I have a preference. I will say whatever God wants is what usually happens. But um, yeah.
Hamsata Mazou 6:00
Yeah. piggyback on Jeanine, I feel like growth just happens. And it's a process. I never intentionally put myself in a phase of growth. I feel like it just happens. Also, me as a person, I just like growth and evolvement in general.
Alexis Grant 6:16
So do you purposely push that on yourself, though, even though you're not doing it necessarily for an agenda?
Jeanine Ikekhua 6:21
Oh, you mean like you put yourself in places to grow? I see, I see what you're saying.
Hamsata Mazou 6:26
I think for sure because I like learning, like just receiving information and just knowing stuff. And just being a better person in general, just being able to be a better me than another day.
Alexis Grant 6:26
Hamsata Mazou 6:27
Yeah, that's just something I'm interested in general. So yeah, I'm definitely always putting myself in a place of growth.
Jeanine Ikekhua 6:48
Only if y'all know what was going on. Only if y'all knew.
Alexis Grant 6:54
Hamsata Mazou 6:55
I think I lost track of my words.
Alexis Grant 6:59
That got me.
Jeanine Ikekhua 7:00
Hamsata Mazou 7:02
But yeah, that's great.
Alexis Grant 7:04
Yeah, that's, recently I think, like, maybe the past two months, this has been coming up a lot with me in conversations, where I'm telling people how, I've noticed, especially now that like, there's a lot more distance between the people like when it comes to the people that I'm surrounding myself with, there's more distance between where we are now in life and like high school. And I've started picking this up while I was in high school with my upperclassmen friends. People get stuck. Like, there's people I genuinely see now. I'm like, I have seen no growth in you in like four years.
Jeanine Ikekhua 7:37
Oh, no. I see what you mean. Yeah, like same attitude, same perspective on life and everything.
Alexis Grant 7:42
And I can tell they're stuck. And it like breaks my heart, but I can tell they're stuck. Because there's like little like markers that set it off for me. Like, there's certain people that like I will see. And I used to be friends with them, I used to be cool with them, whatever, they cannot get out of the past. Because they're still stuck there. They're still in that same place mentally in their head. So maybe something happened, like we had a good moment something, whatever an experience happened, where we were both involved in. And that is the only conversation they will bring up or they will bring up that conversation every single time I see them. And it's just draining after a while, like, bro, this happened, like I had somebody do that, to me in the stuff literally happened five years ago. And it was like the smallest little thing. And like when they were bringing it up to me, I was like, actually, I forgot to happened. Like, I didn't know what else to say. And it's just like, they were just so stuck in that period of time. They have not changed since that period of time. And like seeing that it's just so devastating for me, especially when it comes to friends because I'll see the potential in them like I take people as they are but I can still see the potential in you. And when I see like that you're striving for that potential, especially when something gets in their way like your family troubles, money troubles, whatever it is, and then they just become stagnant. Like it's so heartbreaking for me that sometimes it's hard for me to be their friend because I just like I'm just so torn up over the fact that they just cannot get past this barrier and they're just stuck in the same place. And like mentally I'm like are they gonna be stuck in this place forever?
Jeanine Ikekhua 9:03
You're better than me. You are so better than me. At that point, bye. Why are we friends? I very much believe that you outgrow people and-
Hamsata Mazou 9:13
Oh yeah for sure. Yeah, no question.
Jeanine Ikekhua 9:17
Bye sis like it's been fun. I could care less at that point. But it's so sad like when I see people like that but I'm gonna leave like if you keep on bringing something that happened like five years ago, like girl, ain't nothing more important happened in these past five years that you could bring up? Like come on sis.
Alexis Grant 9:34
And like they just live in the same day over and over and like even that thought alone is so scary that they're stuck in a routine, like routines can be very healthy especially for like the mass majority of people, routines are very healthy, but there's still diversity in your day, diversity in your thoughts, etc, etc. These people are stuck in the same day, they're, what's that movie, where the days keep repeating?
Hamsata Mazou 9:59
I know, I actually don't know the name. The Black-
Alexis Grant 10:02
Farris Bueller Thursday Off?
Hamsata Mazou 10:04
I don't know the name but I know what you're talking about. They know what we talking about we don't, we don't gotta dig this deep.
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:12
Isn't it a black mov-, doesn't it have black people? It's like a black movie?
Hamsata Mazou 10:16
I'm not gonna lie I don't remember the specifics.
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:19
Alexis Grant 10:22
I don't know what we talking about anymore. Whatever that movie is y'all know what I'm talking about, that really famous movie, everybody be like, that's my favorite movie. I thought it was a white man. But,-
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:30
Maybe it is I really don't know.
Alexis Grant 10:34
The same day over and over. Like, that's how I see these people, like they are literally stuck in the same day. And that's why that information seems so fresh to them to bring it up. That's how I know they're stuck. Like they're literally stuck in a time and they did not get past that.
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:46
Alexis Grant 10:48
I don't know what to do. Like, I don't I don't know how to, personally, I don't know how to interact with somebody at that point.
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:53
I feel like, honestly, for me, I would just be like, hey, here's the situation, okay, bye. And then kind of just leave because I feel like everybody grows at their own rate. And like, I'm not, that's what I'm saying. Like, it seems like to us, looking on the outside that are stagnant. And they might be but I can only say what I can say to help you. And if that's not working, then you're just gonna have to grow at your own rate or not grow or whatever. I feel like God, everybody wants everybody to grow, and you will grow when you wanna grow.
Alexis Grant 11:22
Yeah. And I feel like,-
Hamsata Mazou 11:24
Alexis Grant 11:24
-philosophical with it. But-
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:26
Here she go.
Alexis Grant 11:27
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:27
Here she go.,
Alexis Grant 11:28
-this is gonna, I'm gonna sound like a villain. This is, oh my gosh, I don't want to sound like a villian.
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:32
Okay, you won't sound like a villain.
Alexis Grant 11:33
But, it's not because I want this for them. I'm just saying, as far as how the world functions, these stagnant people-
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:43
Alexis Grant 11:44
No, they keep the world going.
Hamsata Mazou 11:47
Alexis Grant 11:47
Because of the like difference, like if everybody was always reaching their full potential at all times, truthfully, that the world would crumble.
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:57
I could see it. I could see I thought it would be too much.
Alexis Grant 12:00
We would be doing way too much.
Hamsata Mazou 12:03
I mean, that's why there's heroes. And that's why there's villains and stuff. It's like the,-
Alexis Grant 12:07
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:07
There's a balance.
Alexis Grant 12:08
-but they're balance is not necessarily they're a villain.
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:10
Oh no, I wasn't bringing that, yeah. Okay.
Alexis Grant 12:13
Their neutrality is,-
Hamsata Mazou 12:17
So do you think there's people that are constantly going backwards then? If they're neutral, do you think there's people that are going backwards?
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:22
I think everybody goes backwards in their own, well,-
Hamsata Mazou 12:25
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:26
-in terms of like,-
Hamsata Mazou 12:27
But I just mean like, in the sense of like, working backwards. Like over time, you're essentially going backwards instead of fore-, because even growth in itself, like, you know, its ups and downs, but long term, you're going like forward.
Alexis Grant 12:39
It depends. I think you can grow into bad things.
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:41
Yeah, I wouldn't say growing backwards, even if it's a mistake. I feel like you're still going forward because,-
Alexis Grant 12:46
I don't think its a mistake, I'm thinking like, bad habits, bad this, like,-
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:49
That's what I'm saying. Like things like that, like I eve-, I feel like even with things like that, like you're eventually going to learn every single time you do bad habits or whatever, like you're going to learn from those mistakes, and in my, put you in a different position. But I feel like that position is where you needed to be if God didn't wants you to get, I keep on bringing God into this, but if God didn't want you to get there, you wouldn't get there.
Alexis Grant 13:08
That's true. But I also feel like that's overly optimistic. Because I don't think not everybody learns from that. A lot of people don't learn from like bad habits.
Hamsata Mazou 13:18
Yeah, they just stay in the cycle.
Alexis Grant 13:19
Yeah, but I'm thinking even, like mentally, like say somebody is mentally at like, a 15 year old level, right? And then they grow as a person grow as a person, when she said go backwards, I'm thinking they have the mentality of a 30 year old and they start regressing back down to the mentality of a fifteen year old.
Hamsata Mazou 13:34
I was just like, oh, aging?
Alexis Grant 13:36
Not even aging, but lik,e as far as like, you know, with the general mentality is of a teenager versus a thirty year old.
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:41
Oh, I've never seen that happen.
Alexis Grant 13:44
That's what I'm saying. I feel like at that point, that is beyond repair, not beyond repair but like you need, like serious professional help.
Hamsata Mazou 13:52
I was just asking because based on your, like, analogy, you know, there's people that grew up, people that stay, that means like, what does that other side look like? I just bought that as like an example you know, I wasn't saying like that was the thing I just want to put a question out there.
Alexis Grant 14:04
Do people, I don't know how to sound this without sounding like a villain, okay when I say this please y'all, I'm not trying to be a villain because I also, I want to help these people.
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:15
Alexis Grant 14:15
But they are used to the benefit of the people who are reaching their potential.
Hamsata Mazou 14:22
Being around them?
Alexis Grant 14:24
Not being around them, like literally used as in like, either for labor for this like literally being used.
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:29
Hamsata Mazou 14:30
Like being helpers?
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:30
I see what you're saying.
Alexis Grant 14:33
Not even helpers, used like tools.
Hamsata Mazou 14:35
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:36
I mean, it makes sense. Like, if there's just somebody there that's like, oh, and then like, you're trying to get somewhere and,-
Hamsata Mazou 14:42
You know that person.
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:43
Yeah, and that person can be useful in a way that you can use as useful.
Hamsata Mazou 14:46
And then you just like, I'm done with you. Go on with my business.
Alexis Grant 14:51
That's why I'm saying that's why I feel like I sound like a villain. And I feel like it more matters on how you treat that person.
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:56
Oh, they're, not even that, but I see what you were saying about like they make the world go around,
Alexis Grant 15:02
yeah, because you need those people, like the people who are reaching their fullest potential, like nobody can reach your fullest potential alone.
Hamsata Mazou 15:09
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:10
I agree. But I don't think I wouldn't, the thing is like, I wouldn't say that they're stagnant or they're regressing. I wouldn't say any of that.
Alexis Grant 15:17
I wouldn't say regressing. But some people I don't, I haven't lived long enough to see if that stagnant mindset how long it sticks. But for some people, I've definitely seen it stick for multiple years,
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:31
I think because I've never seen it live. And it's very hard to explain right now. I can't conceptualize it in my head.
Alexis Grant 15:37
It's hard to physically like why, especially I've had a couple of friends. It's like happened to, it's just broke my heart, but I just couldn't speak to them anymore. Because we're literally talking in circles.
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:46
Like the same thing as like childish? Is that what you're saying?
Hamsata Mazou 15:49
I don't think it's necessarily,
Alexis Grant 15:49
I think it's wherever they're at, they're stuck there. So literally,
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:53
like they hold on to a certain moment,
Alexis Grant 15:55
not even holding on, they're still living that moment. Like they're literally.
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:58
Oh, isn't it? Because you might have better than me?
Hamsata Mazou 16:03
No, I was gonna say, an example would be like, is it like people who be like, Oh, high school is the best years of my life. And then when they meet people from high school, yeah, but everybody else has moved on, accomplished other things, etc, etc. But they're just talking about high school every time even though they're like, in that they shouldn't be.
Alexis Grant 16:19
Yeah, like high school was my glory days. I've done stuff since then, like, literally, their mindset is still in high school. High school was the best time of their life, and they're still stuck in that mindset.
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:29
Like, they move like they're in high school?
Hamsata Mazou 16:30
I guess because they're stuck in there.
Alexis Grant 16:34
Mentally, where you are then like, then what you've done in the world, what achievements you've done in the physical world, more of like, how are you thinking? Have you grown? your thought process? Have you expanded your mind, like people not expanding their minds? So then they get stuck in the same conversations, because they've already explored their whole realm of what they have brought into themselves.
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:55
I feel like because I'm so tired. When you said it, you dumbed it down. I'm like, okay I got it, that you asked a philosophical. And now I'm looking at you, like, Alexis, for what? You had me. You lost me, what? I see what you're saying. I see what I've seen. Um, so I like was talking about, I think it's like the mentality thing. I think that's where you can feel, like I get like, somebody's still living in that moment. Because that's like, what they had or like, that's all they had going on. Was that what you were saying?
Alexis Grant 17:23
Basically, essentially, yeah. So when you're having a conversation with these people, that's all they can talk about.
Jeanine Ikekhua 17:28
So it's like, remember, we were da da da? Okay, I see what you're saying
Alexis Grant 17:34
There's like a tiered system for conversation and you have like, the baseline conversation. And then baseline is like, you know, weather, this that, like small talking, it's what happened in the present. That's what it is, like baseline conversation is present. And then level two is like dissecting the past, looking back at the past. And then level three is talking about things in the future. Some people who could not have, you cannot have a conversation about, about the future or philosophical things or things outside because they are so stuck in the past.
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:02
I was about to say like, is that me? But no, I definitely get to the future. Oh, um, oh, that's crazy.
Alexis Grant 18:08
We will not be having a, I'm sorry to say, we will not be having a podcast together if I have a level three conversation, Jeanine. I'm sorry, nobody. Nobody can be stuck at a level 2 and have a podcast.
Hamsata Mazou 18:19
That's very true.
Alexis Grant 18:21
You can't just keep up, because when you're stuck in the past, like, if they're stuck there, that means they have nothing else. In my head. How I'm seeing it. There's nothing else going on in their present. Because.
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:31
Oh, for them to talk, because oh.
Alexis Grant 18:33
that's why they keep cycling through the same things over and over and over. Because that's all their mind is, like that's where their mind is constantly
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:40
It really is sad. If this is you and you're listening. We're rooting for you.
Alexis Grant 18:46
We, well, I don't know if they're self aware.
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:48
Well, that's a different, that's a whole other conversation
Alexis Grant 18:52
Some of these, because I know for a fact that these people aren't self aware. Yeah.
Hamsata Mazou 19:02
Like something I wanted to bring up was with growth. I feel like I've never really realized I've grown until I take time to look back. Yeah, exactly. Like when you're in the process of growth. You don't really see it you see. And you will, yeah.
Alexis Grant 19:18
Like the next day, I'm a whole new person.
Hamsata Mazou 19:22
Yeah, cuz like definitely I feel like in order to grow, like you were saying earlier, like reflection is very important because if you don't take that time to see where you're at assessing like what you've done, what you want to continue, what you want to stop and stuff, that also allows growth but for you to also see the growth that's already like occurred. So I think reflection is just as important.
Jeanine Ikekhua 19:41
Yeah, just realizing I'm gonna need to go do some reflection.
Alexis Grant 19:47
I'm glad you realize it though.
Jeanine Ikekhua 19:48
Hamsata Mazou 19:53
I love reflecting, I want to do like a little episode about the art of reflection. Not every day. It's not everyday for me.
Jeanine Ikekhua 19:59
Cuz I would cry if I had to.
Hamsata Mazou 20:03
It's heavy, especially if you really took it in everything. It's a lot.
Alexis Grant 20:06
Also not bad to reflect, because a lot of people do journaling and stuff like that.
Hamsata Mazou 20:09
Yeah, I must say, it depends how deep you reflect. Because if you like, do like, I guess more like, you know, casual thing
Jeanine Ikekhua 20:18
Yeah, see, I do that.
Hamsata Mazou 20:20
And that's a way of reflection. Because you when you journal, you're like, talking about things, you know, or putting stuff out. Well, it depends on the journal to be honest. But yeah, so sorry.
Jeanine Ikekhua 20:29
You're good. No, I shouldn't like, I don't process things like, my like, Y'all know, like, my mind is like, it's all over the place. But my mind can't process things. Like, I be moving too fast. And I just be doing things day by day. And I just be doing it and doing it and getting it done and doing it. So I. Okay, so I just like, I journal and put everything on the journal, like because I have my journal, going back to 2017. So, um, yeah, it goes back to 2017. August 28, 2017.
Alexis Grant 21:14
I don't know if it's 2017 , at least 2018 though, but it was my like church journal, like my small group journal. And when I go back and look at those things, I'm like, dang, I-
Jeanine Ikekhua 21:23
Like you dummy. I'd be like, I'm a dummy. What was I thinking.
Alexis Grant 21:26
Stuff like, I was just so much better at constantly reflecting and trying to push myself forward as a person. Like I was more focused on that. Because now I'm so focused on academics, projects, this that the third, and back then I had so much more time, I would literally sit in my room, look out a window and just think for three hours straight. Oh, no, see, yeah, I would get deep in it. And like, I, that's how I learned who I was, as a person too, I will literally sit down. And I will just give myself a bunch of scenarios like, how would I respond in this situation? Like, how does my feelings feel about this? What is my opinion on this? and that's how I really figured out like, that's why I know, I know myself very well, because I took, I took a lot of time to really sit down, ask myself 1,000,000,002 questions. So that's why I feel like I know my responses. I know how I react. I know this that the third. I know what's best for me. But I've also changed a lot since then. And I haven't done as much reflection as I used to. So I feel like there's stuff that I don't know about myself anymore. And I especially can see that through some of my actions because I'm like, this is something I would have never done before. This, this is something I've done before. What's going on? It's just it's, it goes anything from small stuff, to big stuff, it's just like it sometimes I'll be having these epiphanies in the moment of things like I can be in the middle of a conversation or in the middle of whatever. And I'm like, How did I get here? Like, based on how my trajectory was, last time I reflected on this particular topic? I'm on the whole other side. How did we get here? But then I'm so busy with project this, project that, I'm not sitting down and figuring out how did I even get over here? How do I reroute? Do I want to stay on this path? What path Am I trying to go on? What is my end goal? This that the third. I just used to take like hours out of my day. Sit down reflect. I don't do that anymore. I want to get back to it. I know realistically, with the college schedule. I can't sit down for three hours and look outside, like my window or whatever. My window's nice, my view's nice.
Jeanine Ikekhua 23:24
It's so nice.
Hamsata Mazou 23:26
Jeanine Ikekhua 23:28
Came over for the first time for like five minutes. Like earlier today. Yeah, five minutes.
Alexis Grant 23:33
But yeah, I can't like that would be such a you know, bad I'll be waking up in the mornings. I look at the Dan Allen parking lot. And I just want to go outside. It'd be like seven in the morning when I wake up, I wanna go outside, go up there and just lay down and just reflect.
Jeanine Ikekhua 23:45
No, yeah, like bring the journals. And if y'all want music, like get low, like have some like light, just very light snacks.
Hamsata Mazou 23:54
Yeah, like Yeah, cuz it's early in the morning. Honestly, I would get tea.
Alexis Grant 23:58
I don't want it to distract me because I'm gonna,
Jeanine Ikekhua 23:59
Yeah, that's why I was more focused. Good, good. No, we need to be able to be there ,just like some little light snacks and just like chill and just, I want to watch, I used to watch the sunrise and sunset with my friend.
Alexis Grant 24:12
Yeah, I wanna do that again. I used to watch it like by myself but.
Hamsata Mazou 24:16
like I said, I can ask somebody potentially.
Alexis Grant 24:22
but yeah, I just miss doing stuff like that. And I feel like more people need to do that. Even these people who I feel like grown rapidly, have very expanded mindsets. It's not the fact that they aren't growing. It's the fact that you can be growing more if you do this. Know what I mean?
Jeanine Ikekhua 24:38
I mean also, I think for me and my mind, I'm just like, you do you I do me, I can only say so much to help but that is what it is.
Alexis Grant 24:46
That's true. It's just because anytime I'm like if I meet somebody and I have them around me even if we're not friends just being like in circles with me that like, I want to see the best for you.
Jeanine Ikekhua 24:56
I mean that makes sense. You a good person.
Hamsata Mazou 24:59
Yeah I was about to say, Lexi, you be out here like tryna like, help people.
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:03
Yeah, for me if I help you and like, you're like, I'm not I'm not having it? Well, I tried my best. There's nothing I can do at that [point.
Alexis Grant 25:10
It takes a lot for me to give up on somebody like it takes a lot.
Hamsata Mazou 25:13
I feel like you actively help people. I think, for me, it's a little bit more passive. It's like, I meet you when I meet you. And then when I talk to you, I like doing what I can, you know, and then that's it, and then I'm gone. You know what I mean? That's kind of what I do. And it's never like anything attention or anything. But you know, I feel good time.
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:33
I feel like I'm all in, what was it, somebody was telling me like, I'm either all in or I don't give a damn about something.
Alexis Grant 25:40
It might have been us. We've definitely had conversations like.
Hamsata Mazou 25:42
Yeah, I was about to say, you definitely said that friendship. You said you have friendships and stuff like how?
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:46
Oh, I was talking more. Well.
Hamsata Mazou 25:50
Scenario were you said, all in or nothing.
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:55
I feel like I do the same thing with like, helping people like, I'll be intensive at first, like, what do you need? How can I help you do that? And then after a while, it's like okay. This has been fun. It should be good now, come to me if you need something, but I'm going to back off now.
Alexis Grant 26:10
I've been wanting like, I'll be wanting to stick it through for everybody the whole way. But I don't have time for that. And then I'll push my own stuff away.
Hamsata Mazou 26:17
Oh, that's insane.
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:19
I never do that. Okay. Actually, I do. Because I've stayed up, like all hours. I literally stayed up with my friend till like, 5 am.
Hamsata Mazou 26:27
You're not wrong. But yeah, if it's somebody I really, really like. Like Lexi, it's not everybody.
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:34
Nah, you gotta be like, up there.
Alexis Grant 26:37
Anybody come at me. I'm like, whatever you need. Whatever you need. I got you right now.
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:44
See, this is the, people don't like this. But I'm like this towards other Nigerians
Alexis Grant 26:53
No that, You want to see your people succeed.
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:55
Not even just that. It's just like, I've learned that like, since I've been in America, like, you know, those cultural things that you just like, pick up. Like, one thing that I've learned is that like, some people, like a lot of people don't move like that. Do you see what I'm saying?
Alexis Grant 27:09
So like, trying to get stuff done, like being on their Ps and Qs, like.
Jeanine Ikekhua 27:13
Yeah, or like, they just don't want help. Does that make sense? So like, just kind of do my own thing,
Alexis Grant 27:19
I feel like African American culture, and it's ingrained in that culture too.
Jeanine Ikekhua 27:22
Oh, or I feel like-
Alexis Grant 27:24
Because I hear the same thing about like, different Caribbeans. Like, like, Bayesians back home, like seeing a lot of stuff about African Americans and them being lazy, them being missed.
Jeanine Ikekhua 27:33
It's not even being lazy. I just feel like it's not even, honestly, I'm not gonna say just African Americans, because I don't think it's just African Americans. I don't think it's like,
Alexis Grant 27:41
You think it's non Nigerians.
Jeanine Ikekhua 27:43
Not even. I'm not gonna.
Alexis Grant 27:46
That's okay, be real, be real
Jeanine Ikekhua 27:48
No, don't put words in my mouth. Number one, I don't think that it's non ni. I think it's just like, because I'm most comfortable with my culture. And with Nigeria, I feel more comfortable with them, because I know them better because I've been with them for so long. But like, I'm still adjusting towards being in America. I've just noticed that a lot of people that I've interacted with, it will, it could not. It might not be the same for other people that I'm gonna meet in my life who are from America. But I've just noticed that a lot of people just look out for themselves. And I've learned that that's kind of like, I wouldn't say it's a cultural thing. But I.
Alexis Grant 28:20
Yeah that's a well known thing, that's a very American thing, like a lot of their culture.
Hamsata Mazou 28:26
And I think, more specifically,
Jeanine Ikekhua 28:29
always put myself first.
Hamsata Mazou 28:30
And I think more specifically, like the newer generation, I think, like more like back in the day, you hear like older generations saying that we used to be more tight knit as a community. And I think that's kind of been lost as like the generations have evolved, at least from what I've seen, and people have said, I mean, obviously, I don't know what that looked like.
Alexis Grant 28:47
Feel like, a seesaw thing. Like, maybe you gotten less close, but also you become more accepting because they were also way more niche in who they were being.
Hamsata Mazou 28:56
Oh, that's very true.
Jeanine Ikekhua 28:59
But people still look out for theirselves. So no, unless you are a great person because I would, I would never do that for a lot of people. Like I gotta be sure, be sure.
Alexis Grant 29:07
Nah, I don't even got to be sure. You're gonna try, you're gonna try to get this right. Especially if I feel like I have something to bring that they don't already have in their life, Imma definitely try and bring that for them.
Hamsata Mazou 29:18
Definitely try but like, I feel like, like instead of overextending myself, I'm just like, you know, squeeze in when I can.
Alexis Grant 29:27
Yeah, I'll go. But that's, that's the other thing that like, once you've lost me, you've lost me. Once you've lost me, you've lost me. Like, we're like I will put so, I will try so hard. And there's only been a couple people I can think of who has lost me in that way of being supportive. Because even like, even when I started getting to breaking points, I will let the person know I'm like, hey, I want you to know when it comes to this situation. I can no longer be empathetic because you're not listening to my advice and you were like, repeatedly doing the same bad action. I can't be empathetic towards the outcomes anymore because it's expected, and I'll let them know that, and they still might talk to me about it, but they just know I'm just gonna sit there and be quiet because anything that comes out of my mouth after that is gonna be rude.
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:08
No, I feel that.
Hamsata Mazou 30:09
But. Do you think sometimes people need to hear the rude things like, like a rude awakening?
Alexis Grant 30:14
Yes, I'll be rude the one time, but after I'm gonna just be silent. Like you can keep venting, but this is just venting now, we're not, don't ask for my advice, because I've already given it to you.
Hamsata Mazou 30:21
It's like, no new advice is going to be given it's just gonna be same thing. Yeah.
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:28
I feel like from my face, you can tell like, don't talk to me. Or like I've had it, I'm done with you. Or get it together.
Alexis Grant 30:35
I think I'm very expressive with my face.
Hamsata Mazou 30:37
No, me too. This is why I liked masks.
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:42
Oh, no, yeah. Because I'd be in class like, that ugly. I'd be in class like, It smells up in here, who farted, like, I just feel like everything is going bad. a mask is, behind the mask, I'm dying.
I just feel like sometimes my face express things that I don't want to be expressed for other people to see. And, you know, the mask covered it up.
Alexis Grant 31:06
I don't know if I feel that way. Sometimes, sometimes I wish it wasn't as expressive. But at the same time, I feel like I'm so accepting about a lot of those situations where people are talking to me about certain stuff, that my face is more giving, like, thought than like, my knee jerk reaction. If my knee jerk reaction is like nasty, nasty, like, we're gonna talk it through. But if it's nasty nasty after that, you gotta fix something.
Jeanine Ikekhua 31:38
You are the problem.
Alexis Grant 31:42
You have to fix something. But even with what she was saying Jeanine, about like the people here versus Nigeria. Like, I feel like environment plays a huge role in growth. You know, a lot of times there's like those quotes where it's like, you can't grow in the same environment that puts you down kind of thing. Especially when it comes to like people who have like gone through depression and stuff like that, like moving environments. I know. For some, it's more triggering because of anxiety and other things. But at the same time removing yourself from the environment, which doesn't necessarily mean let's move to a different state, I mean removing yourself from the environment, including the people you're around the habits you do.
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:18
Oh, yes, drop people.
Hamsata Mazou 32:21
Big fan of dropping people.
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:22
Okay, don't say like that. I still have the same friends that I've had my entire life.
Hamsata Mazou 32:30
But you're not afraid to drop someone that needs to be dropped.
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:32
Oh, for sure. If you're ruining, first of all, if, if you're not, let me say like that, if you are preventing me from being the best version of myself, or you are taking more energy from me, or I'm doing or something has happened that situation, or I've deemed you not worthy enough of my time, I'm going to let you go, bye.
Alexis Grant 32:50
And that's what people need to do more.
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:53
Yeah, protect your energy.
Alexis Grant 32:54
I feel like the biggest thing is people want to take that so personal. Sometimes it's not personal, sometimes you're a great person, you're like.
Jeanine Ikekhua 33:02
Just not great for me.
Alexis Grant 33:04
Exactly, how we are together. It's just not good for me. So when I need to drop you like I just don't, I just hate having people think that it's personal or like I don't like them or this that the third like that just, it breaks my heart. I'll be still in the in the corner in the shadows. You know, pop up say hi, whatever, whatever. Even though I'd rather just completely cut it off.
Hamsata Mazou 33:32
Then why don't you?
Alexis Grant 33:34
Because I don't want to seem like a dickhead. Put it bluntly, i don't want to seem like a dickhead, I don't want to seem Hollywood. It's not that, I just like, I'm very okay with pushing that stuff. I say I'm very okay. But I'm also saying no, I'm not okay with it. Yeah. Mentally, I'm okay removing myself from situation, it's more of the physically removing myself from the situation
Jeanine Ikekhua 33:53
Especially hard when like, they're, like so ingrained in your life.
Alexis Grant 33:57
Yes, like in the same environments and stuff like that, it is so hard to remove yourself from environments where you feel like it's mandatory or pushed or like, know what I mean, like, even when it comes to people in classes and stuff like that, like being in certain classes, being by certain professors being in a certain whatever, whatever, whatever. Those are harder to remove yourself from, but it's the best thing for you so that it's like, what do you do? Then you talk about professional help. And then you know, your pride gets in the way or it's too complicated or, you know, just all the things, especially in the black community, trying to get professional help for anything that is mentally related. People do not want to do that junk.
Hamsata Mazou 34:35
Jeanine Ikekhua 34:36
I feel like we've gotten better though.
Alexis Grant 34:38
But even me like I'm a big mental health advocate. I still don't like going out of my way to go talk to somebody about how I'm feeling.
Jeanine Ikekhua 34:45
Okay, no, yeah, let me be quiet because at first, at first I had you, now i have myself, because I'd be screaming Yeah, therapy, therapy therapy. Yeah, let me go. Yeah, you need to talk to my expression of feelings. I be keeping it to myself.
Alexis Grant 35:00
And part of it. Like, I think I, for the most part push past my pride part, it's more of, I just feel like it takes a very certain person to really understand how I'm thinking.
Hamsata Mazou 35:10
Alexis Grant 35:10
And because sometimes I can't express exactly how I'm feeling so well, and some people can't. When I express how I'm feeling well, people think it's more intense than it is because they think I'm reserving. And I don't like that my, what you perceive my feelings to be. Let me reword that. I don't like. If my feelings are at a five, just because I expressed it properly at a five, I don't want you to automatically assume it's a seven. And I don't want us to treat it like it's a seven, because that's going to deter me from ever talking about it again.
Jeanine Ikekhua 35:40
Hamsata Mazou 35:41
So exaggerating the situation more than what it actually is.
Alexis Grant 35:43
And I understand why, because a lot of people are going to downplay it. But if I'm actually going to go out of my way to express how I'm feeling, that is how I'm feeling. But I know a lot of people don't do that. So I understand why people bump it up a little bit when people are expressing that. But that's just not me. And I feel like it takes a certain person to realize that I'm being so serious. Like, if this is how I'm feeling this is how I'm feeling.
Jeanine Ikekhua 36:07
Yeah, my least favorite thing is like when you talk to somebody and they'd be like, Man, you're being too dramatic. I will punch you in your face.
Alexis Grant 36:16
We do not condone violence. No. Peace.
Jeanine Ikekhua 36:21
Love, love and blessings. Whatever Bob Marley said. that was not Bob Marley. It is Bob Marley.
I love Bob shout out to Bob.
Alexis Grant 37:01
Bob. Bob. Love you Bob.
Jeanine Ikekhua 37:11
I know Bob Marley's rolling in his grave. Nah, he's chilling right now. But um, no, I, I just I think I have a hard time, I think it's an area that I need to grow in. I have a hard time expressing my feelings to people. Just because I feel like nobody's gonna get it. And one thing. One thing about me is like, because I have a hard time, you have to ask questions. I have never met anybody in my life who's actually taking the time to be like, Jeanine, tell me about this. And it's like, you can't do it once. It's not, like, Jeanine, tell me about it. Because people will do that. And then I'll start talking. And then they'll be like, and then we'll move on to something else. I tried to segue to something else because I don't talk about it. And they'll just go on with that, yeah. Like, you have to stop me and be like, Jeanine, I want to hear about this. People don't do that. And to me if you're not gonna take the initiative to do that, and you know who I am. And these are the same people. That'd be like, you never talked to me about things that are going on. I'd be like, What do y'all expect.
Alexis Grant 38:14
I'll be letting my friend segway, but the people I do let segway it's either because I'm not close to them. And I don't know if that's triggering or I am close to them and I know it's triggering
Jeanine Ikekhua 38:23
the ones that are doing it for me, they know.
Alexis Grant 38:25
Yeah, because like honestly like I'm really good now, I'm very comfortable talking about like pretty much all my emotions on things with my best friend now, that took.
Jeanine Ikekhua 38:32
Oh best friend.
Alexis Grant 38:33
No, but that took years from, even years for her to get where I was.
Jeanine Ikekhua 38:39
yeah, it takes a while
Alexis Grant 38:40
because I like, like yes, everybody thinks differently. I don't want to, I don't want to sound like quirky, Kiki funny like, I just do really feel like I'm thinking very differently, not as much anymore as I used to. But when I tell I don't know how to like, it doesn't matter who I explain it to they also have to hear it from her perspective because she is a more of an emotional person.
Hamsata Mazou 39:04
Is she like a mediator.
Alexis Grant 39:05
She's not a mediator, we just balance each other out. We both like, she used to be like super high emotional and I was literally nothing. Guys I was a robot, I promise you I was a robot.
Jeanine Ikekhua 39:17
I can see it.
Alexis Grant 39:18
So we've kind of like evened out some so I'm still, I was still definitely sound less emotional than the majority of people. And I don't know if she's maybe slightly above average, but not like, like balance each other out because my extreme viewpoints on me being like a legit robot have helped calm her down on things and her viewpoints like because I basically okay, we're gonna get real. I basically one day, I think it was maybe 9th, 10th grade. I had this huge breakdown on the phone with her. And I was basically like Medina like, I want to feel. Like that's how bad it was. I was just like I want to have emotions like how everybody else is having emotions like I just don't, like I just don't get it. I don't see where people are getting this from like. About like situations that happen. I see people sad this that the third. And I would just think so logically about I'm like, I do not understand why people are upset right now. Like, I was just so logical through my thought process and how I was approaching people and like situations. And also because of that, though, which I think is a good thing. I did not ever take things personally. And that's, I don't get emotional. I just don't take what people do personally
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:24
Were you desensitized to things?
Alexis Grant 40:29
I think something had to happen. I don't know if I blocked something out in my mind. I don't think anything bad happened. But I think it's just more when I was growing up, I was just like, aggressively independent. And I think it's also just how I am naturally. I think it was the combination, especially because, like, my sister, she just needed more help with stuff. Not in like a crazy way. But like, I was just so independent already as a child. And then on top of that, my sister needed a little extra help. So my parents like directing more their attention to her when it came with certain things, but it never made me feel sad. I never felt neglected or anything, because I just felt so like independent. But I also just like I have a stem mind, like, I'm secretly one of those weird stem engineer kids on the inside. You know what I mean?
Jeanine Ikekhua 41:12
On the inside?
Alexis Grant 41:13
Yeah, I just have great social skills. No I'm kidding. I can say that because I'm an engineer, and that's gonna be my excuse.
Hamsata Mazou 41:26
No, it's just like the stereotype that she's alluding to. Yeah.
Alexis Grant 41:31
Fine. Black engineers tend to have better social skills.
Jeanine Ikekhua 41:34
Black engineers are just better period. I'm sorry, snaps. My line. Black engineers are just better period. And as somebody who is currently with one, I stand by my statement.
Alexis Grant 42:05
I've had this big breakdown, like I want to like, like, I literally had to train myself to feel more, like I was, I was one of those people. I literally could switch off my emotions like the second I started feel.
Jeanine Ikekhua 42:15
Welcome to the club. Oh, you left the club? Nevermind.
Alexis Grant 42:20
but no, not push down.
Jeanine Ikekhua 42:23
No, I mean like turn off.
Alexis Grant 42:25
Yes, I was. Like, I was like that, like, literally, I could be having a mental breakdown. Like, I'm challenging myself. Horrible. Like, it could be breakdown, something crazy could be happening, da da da, like, I could be literally about to have a panic attack and just switch it all off. Like I could literally be beginning to start hyperventilating, switch it off.
Jeanine Ikekhua 42:45
I feel that. I feel like I do that more with people. If you stress, I think I do that moreso with people, if you stress, like I will, like when they say like, I don't expect, like, my brain will block off certain things. If you like if you do something, or if you start. A prime example is if you start stressing me out. And you really stress me out to the point where I'm just like, can you shut up. Like, I will just turn it off to the point like when you start talking to me, it's kind of just like, okay, cool. It's like you can start crying in front of me, I'll be like. There are people there is a, there's one person to this day that like, if something really bad was to happen, I'm talking about really bad and she came to me. I cannot find it in me to feel anything towards her. Like I just like, Okay. I don't know how to explain it.
Alexis Grant 43:33
So are you just fed up and done? Or are you switching off, because for me, it was like a switch off and I could switch it back on.
Jeanine Ikekhua 43:39
I could switch you back on.
Alexis Grant 43:40
Okay, okay. Okay. Yeah.
Jeanine Ikekhua 43:43
I think it's a mixture of both but I was like,
Hamsata Mazou 43:45
Y'all are sociopaths.
Jeanine Ikekhua 43:52
When certain things happen. It's kind of just like.
Hamsata Mazou 43:55
Like a mask. Your whole body, you literally.
Alexis Grant 44:00
Sat there, laid back, look it up. Hands up in the air. That's not gonna do nothing. But yeah, I got to the point where I can have those conversations with my best friend. But I cannot imagine trying to get to that point with like a therapist, like I just don't want to go through it. I'm exhausted.
Jeanine Ikekhua 44:31
And a white one.
Hamsata Mazou 44:34
Let's not even bring that into the picture. That was never part of the scenario. She was never part of the plan. Or he, or they, you know, but.
Alexis Grant 44:44
Yeah, I couldn't. I'm sorry. Um, anyways, next question.
Hamsata Mazou 44:52
Wait wait, there was two things I had to say. Two things. One of them. I forgot. I forgot it. So I was gonna say for me, I can like, I think you were saying, like how you want people to ask you multiple times for you to actually open up.
Jeanine Ikekhua 45:07
Not want to, people have to get it out of me.
Hamsata Mazou 45:09
Well, yeah. I guess mine is more of a want. I don't like telling people things for me. It's always like, do you really want to know, or are you asking for common courtesy?
Alexis Grant 45:20
I never ask out of common courtesy. How's your day? Like.
Hamsata Mazou 45:26
No, I do try to answer things honestly. But sometimes it's just like, hm, should I really trust you with like, everything right now? And it's just like, if you asked one time, you know, and it's like, or even sometimes, yeah, usually, it's people I talk to, I just tell them everything. But also on the other end, sometimes I don't ask people repeatedly, because I'm like, it's kind of weird, even though I want to be asked repeatedly. In my head. If I ask somebody like one. Yeah, if I asked like one time, and I see like, they don't want to, I'm like, okay, cool. You just come to me when you're ready. But like, if somebody ever did that, to me, I'll never come to them. I just want them to come back to me again, which is like, how is any of that gonna work, but it does y'all, this is how, this is how I make it work.
Jeanine Ikekhua 46:12
No, I feel that.
Alexis Grant 46:13
Anyone I talk to about my emotions in that way. Like, yes, I can tell you if I'm happy, I'm sad. I'm going through something. But like that deep. Like, anything existential. Anything like about me as a person, my being my state, like, no, it's a very small circle, like, tiny, I could put them in the palm of my hand. Like.
Hamsata Mazou 46:33
As you should, that's important stuff that should be sacred, should not be shared with no one.
Alexis Grant 46:36
I'm a very open person, like people will get a lot of information on me, they can learn a lot about me like, there is like, I know, there's people out there who probably don't think I'm Private at all, because I'm so open with other stuff. But I do have a lot of stuff that stays private.
Hamsata Mazou 46:50
I agree, I feel like me as well, like, sometimes I'll be like, all over the place, tell you everything ish. But there's also things that like, I hold back and I like secure for certain people, or even don't tell people at all, like some things are just with me. And nobody just like, don't know it. So yeah.
Jeanine Ikekhua 47:05
Feel like that's good. I think I'm also like, not with the friends that I have now. But like, once you let somebody know something about you, it might change the way they view you. So certain times, like I won't tell people certain things, because I don't want to have to deal with it and be like, Oh, is this how she is now? But it's like, no, just bear with me.
Alexis Grant 47:26
Sometimes I won't tell people because the way that I see that they're perceiving me. I want to maintain that not necessarily because it's like, oh, this is how she is it's just like, having somebody see me in a different perspective, bring something else to the table for me, if that makes sense, because because they're thinking of me in this certain way. I'm getting different advice, information this, that the third, because of this different, like, presentation, they see me as or whatever, even if I do feel comfortable talking to them about certain stuff. It's just like you have such a different view on how I am and who I am. And there's something in that view that is so accurate, that I don't even want to chance changing that because you're the only person seeing that part of me. And that's what I need you in my life for.
Jeanine Ikekhua 48:14
No, I agree. I find with certain people that I don't tell certain things or I don't go to for certain things. Because kind of on the flip side of what Lexi's saying like, they don't see the complete version of me. Like at park we had we had this thing called a 360 evaluation. And people from like my different aspects of life. were evaluating me. And there were certain people within park that were evaluating me and I literally wrote my feedback. I said, majority of the information that came from Park, I'm disregarding that, I could not care less, because y'all don't know me. So I just feel like certain people don't deserve certain things.
Hamsata Mazou 48:48
Off topic. But what did you think of my review?
Jeanine Ikekhua 48:50
I can't see names. I have no idea what you wrote. Oh, I don't know, y'all.
Hamsata Mazou 48:58
I don't, I screenshotted mine, I think Lexi was like, oh, was I supposed to screenshot I was like, no girl, I just screenshotted it just for funzy. And she was like, oh.
Alexis Grant 49:04
And I think we talked about because I think there was something in it. I think there was something that we had said that was the same. I was like, oh, yeah, I said this about Jeanine.
Hamsata Mazou 49:11
Oh, I remember that. I don't remember that.
Jeanine Ikekhua 49:14
I remember that. What
Alexis Grant 49:15
I was like, Oh, I said something similar about that. I think it might have been about her friends. Like how hardcore she is about like, dedicate, I feel like it was about dedication.
Hamsata Mazou 49:26
Yeah. I was like, You are a dedicated person, most dedicated person I've ever met in my life.
Alexis Grant 49:33
I put something like that too.
Jeanine Ikekhua 49:34
Aw, thank you, you've touched me
Alexis Grant 49:49
How do you feel about staying content? Do you feel like that's a good thing or a bad thing to be content?
Hamsata Mazou 49:56
I think it's good to be content where you're at in the moment you know, so if you're like doing something, it's good to be appreciative of what you have and stuff, but also contentedness for like long term. Be content but also want more, I feel like they could be synonymous
Jeanine Ikekhua 50:15
I don't, I don't use the word content, because like if we're being very honest, if you were fully content with what you have, you wouldn't want to achieve more. So I don't think human beings are meant to be content with exactly where they are. I think they're meant to be appreciative. But I feel like if God didn't want you to grow, then God would end your life like come on now, he would be like, okay, 12 dead, don't say.
Alexis Grant 50:47
I thought you were saying age 12, like. Are they 12, did 12 get them, what are we talking about?
Hamsata Mazou 51:00
I thought they were the 12 death at one point, like the 12 death of the day. Number 13 coming up next.
Jeanine Ikekhua 51:15
Like that, that was the first thing that popped in my mind. I was thinking 12 because I was thinking I remember when I was 12. No, no, no, no hate to 12 year olds out there. But wherever it is, wherever point you are. Whatever point that you are in life. Like if God didn't want you to grow, then he would prevent you by dying. But I feel like as long as, I really believe that, as long as you're alive, you still have room to grow.
Hamsata Mazou 51:41
Then I would like to edit my response to that. Edit. Good. Yeah. You know how to get it. But yeah, I guess I use the word incorrectly. Yeah, don't be content. Be appreciative and grow.
Alexis Grant 51:59
No, if that's your definition.
Hamsata Mazou 52:00
No, I just remembered the word the word contentment. That's not what it means. So no, I do not mean that definition. Don't be content. Like, be appreciative. Cuz like content, like you just don't be moving. Right?
Jeanine Ikekhua 52:15
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Like, the actual hardcore definition.
Hamsata Mazou 52:20
I just thought like content of like, I'm content, but I want more. I think I interpreted differently.
Alexis Grant 52:27
Content. But I feel like for people, I feel like in ge-, for the general basis, content. No. Appreciative. Yes. Being present in the moment. Yes. But for people who have gone through some real bad stuff, real, like, just horrible stuff, a lot going on in their lives. This that the third, I feel like being content, or even a decent amount of time, is almost productive. So that you can have enough time to change your mindset away from whatever situation you were in.
Jeanine Ikekhua 53:05
No, I agree, I think sometimes, like you legitimately just need to pause.
Alexis Grant 53:08
Because it's productive. I don't know if that counts as content. Like you're happy where you are. And that's where you need to be, you need to stay exactly where you are. Because movement is like, key. Well, not that I'm saying like movement in that period of time, just not, just automatically cause like downfall, cuz it's a sensitive space. So because you're in such a sensitive space that is good, you have to stay content in that space for a while for you to be able to not have to fall all the way back down from where you came from, so in that sense, being content is productive, but because it's productive. Does that still count as being content?
Jeanine Ikekhua 53:46
I don't, I don't I don't know. But I don't think so. Because like, no human being is going to be in that one place forever. Like you're going to eventually have to move.
Alexis Grant 53:55
So it's just a stepping stone.
Jeanine Ikekhua 53:56
Yeah, I just see like a stepping stone
Hamsata Mazou 53:59
And it's just like a little part from the grand scheme as well. Like we go back to like, little things in like the grand scheme.That contentness was necessary, but in the grand scheme you still moving. That's it guys. That's all I have to add.
Alexis Grant 54:12
Wait can we just answer the last question even though you don't like it?
Jeanine Ikekhua 54:15
What was the question?
Alexis Grant 54:16
basically, cuz I feel like we're all gonna have a similar consensus, but maybe not. Maybe I jumped the gun. Do you feel like people can ever fully change?
Jeanine Ikekhua 54:25
Why did you skip that question?
Alexis Grant 54:27
Okay, nevermind, I messed up.
Jeanine Ikekhua 54:31
Like you know how people will be like, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Alexis Grant 54:34
I don't believe that. I personally don't believe that. Now.
Jeanine Ikekhua 54:37
Let me rephrase
Alexis Grant 54:41
I would not get into a relationship with somebody who in their last relationship or in recent previous relationships have cheated.
Jeanine Ikekhua 54:49
Alexis Grant 54:50
If somebody's like, Yes, I used to be a cheater. Like let's say I'm like, 25, right.
Jeanine Ikekhua 54:55
Like how far back of the cheating does it need to be?
Alexis Grant 54:58
I gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha.
Jeanine Ikekhua 54:59
And how much growth do you need to see before it? Bullets. Now go ahead.
Alexis Grant 55:07
I meet somebody, we're both 25, we're about to get in a relationship anytime before I get in relationship, before I'm serious about anybody in that way, I'm gonna have a conversation about their past relationships. I'm telling you right now have those conversations. I know it's awkward this that the third, no, it's not. You need to know these things.
Jeanine Ikekhua 55:22
Get your paperwork done.
Alexis Grant 55:23
Exactly. You might find something out that is a deal breaker. And you don't even have to go to the trouble of fighting this that the third drama, whatever. Because y'all had a serious conversation about it before.
Jeanine Ikekhua 55:33
Yeah, hard conversations are necessary
Alexis Grant 55:35
Need to have them, that'd be pushed aside. I meet, somebody, I'm like, 25, they, whatever, 25 Whatever, whatever. And I meet them. We're having this conversation about past relationships. And they're like, Okay, my past relationship, you know, it was good. This that the third, my past relationship last a year and a half, I was 23. Whatever, right? But then they say the relationship before that. They were like, 19 that lasted eight months. They cheated. I'm probably still gonna date them.
Hamsata Mazou 56:00
18, 25 That's growth. Ish.
Alexis Grant 56:04
I'm not looking at the time, though. I'm looking at the habits, if there. Cuz it is the fact that they in their last relationship, they didn't cheat. They didn't cheat.
Jeanine Ikekhua 56:12
I mean, I can see it, but I think for me.
Alexis Grant 56:15
I know you're like that too, relationships in between, like, if you used to be a cheater. I'm, depending on how bad it is. I probably honestly probably won't hold it against you. As long as there is some evidence that you are not that anymore. I'm willing to try.
Hamsata Mazou 56:32
I respect it
Jeanine Ikekhua 56:33
I respect it.
Alexis Grant 56:33
So I don't think once a cheater, always a cheater. I think you have to be cautious, don't you? Like the only thing that sucks about this, ideally, I would want to tell everybody that, but then if I tell everybody don't get with somebody who just cheated, then there will never be a buffer for me to figure out if they're good or not.
-and then I can come and swoop if they not. Yeah. But that's how I feel, so I don't believe like, there was always so. What did you want to say Jeanine? I know you want to, want me to expand on that. What was your thoughts?
Jeanine Ikekhua 57:19
Oh, um, if you cheat, go ahead and clock out for me. I just, I keep a book with you. You're a cheater, you a cheater. I personally, that is mine. There's a difference. I personally would not get with a cheater. And just because like. That's me, that's my preference. Now, if you said like, like, I see where you're coming from. And I'm not going to be like, Oh, no, like, I'm never gonna, I really don't want to. I don't want to, I don't want to. That like, I don't want that. But when it comes to my friends, if he cheated in his relationship, I'm not gonna be like, Oh, don't be with him. I'm gonna let you do what you do. But if he cheat on you know, don't be surprised,
Alexis Grant 58:04
Like, he just cheated on his last, and especially, especially when. I'm trying to be nicer about it more. But when my friends start trying to get into relationships with people who tried to talk to them while they were in a relationship.
Jeanine Ikekhua 58:16
Oh, that's such a red flag. Like what makes you think that you're different? You're not.
Alexis Grant 58:20
yeah, you may have been different from last, but somebody new might be different from you.
Jeanine Ikekhua 58:23
Very true. It's gonna be copy and paste. Exactly. Everybody might be a Kardashian. Wait, i was just talking about her today.
Hamsata Mazou 58:36
Khloe, okay, so essentially, I don't really. I don't really really know.
Jeanine Ikekhua 58:41
Yeah, we on black. This, that part not going on radio.
Hamsata Mazou 58:47
But just know, Khloe Kardashian that's all you need to know.
Jeanine Ikekhua 58:50
Yeah, we don't need to explain, but she's also an engineer.
Hamsata Mazou 58:56
Jeanine Ikekhua 59:03
she said no
Hamsata Mazou 59:09
Alexis Grant 59:10
She said, Let me spell it out
Jeanine Ikekhua 59:20
What's the problem.
Hamsata Mazou 59:21
It's not a problem I guess the hesitation is guys, in my head is like, why would you cheat? but also it's just like, would I get with a cheater? Most likely, no, but also like, I just don't like seeing things into, I mean like, because you know, like, maybe I wouldn't get with a cheater you know, but-
Jeanine Ikekhua 59:43
No you won't but go ahead.
Hamsata Mazou 59:44
-what I intentionally, I don't know. I think it's like time you know? Like, definitely if you cheated, like when you were younger, and then we meet later. I feel like as long as it wasn't like a consistency habit thing, was like a one time, cuz I know some people they do something one time and be like, locked in, yeah, you know what I mean? It was back from night.
Alexis Grant 1:00:08
They were in high school, serious relationship system, I don't care
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:00:12
And also I feel like it's the degree of cheating.
Hamsata Mazou 1:00:14
Yeah, that too, but she is about to establish-
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:00:17
What matters to my friends, okay?
Alexis Grant 1:00:21
Yes, but it's all, it's mostly all the same for me except-
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:00:25
Alexis Grant 1:00:25
-you had a whole nother relationship,
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:00:27
that's crazy to me like you really had all that-
Alexis Grant 1:00:30
-different or like it was a whole side piece consistent thing-
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:00:33
that was me into-
Alexis Grant 1:00:35
but anything from like inappropriate flirting to sex cheating, that's all on the same board. For me. As long as it wasn't a whole relationship or a whole sidepiece or multiple strings within one relationship.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:00:50
Alexis Grant 1:00:51
That's a whole different category. But a whole inappropriate flirting actions to sex. I can get past that, as long as that is also in your past.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:01:07
I just don't have the energy for that like.
Hamsata Mazou 1:01:09
Like, I don't, I think I probably wouldn't, though, just because I feel like that's just so much like, I'll have to add on stuff like that, and be worried about like, I just don't want that for me or the relationship or anything. So most likely No. But you know, there might be a time where I meet somebody I really like, you know, yeah. And then yeah, as long as it wasn't like anything I'll do like you were saying, like whole relationship type thing. It's like shoot, we can go back to that. We might not do that.
I tell guys, like we're prospects and I'll let them know.
Alexis Grant 1:01:28
No, I gotta listen. I'm just saying like, if they come at me, and it's a process, like a possible relationship person, I just let them know.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:01:48
Let's look at her real quick.
Alexis Grant 1:01:50
Yeah, look at me.
Hamsata Mazou 1:01:51
What are we looking at?
Alexis Grant 1:01:51
Why are we looking at me?
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:01:52
She got prospects. She's just saying like, if somebody coming up to her with a potential of a relationship. Lexi got prospects. She's smiling because she knows. He wants to be. I see, you know, I'm just gonna be here. I'm rooting for you and your prospects.
Alexis Grant 1:02:15
What are we talking about right now?
Hamsata Mazou 1:02:24
To be honest sometimes.
Alexis Grant 1:02:25
Throwing me under the bus, she's convincing people
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:02:29
No. Lexi is a single woman living her best life. Anyway
Alexis Grant 1:02:40
What I was tryna say is Oh, if when it comes to prospects, I will let them know. I'm like, Okay, if we get a relationship, I rather you call me on the phone. Break up with me. Even text me. Like if you're about to cheat. You're about to kiss some girl you're about to do.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:03:00
If that man is about to cheat. I'm gonna go kiss that girl, let me go ahead and text my girlfriend real quick. Come on now
Alexis Grant 1:03:05
No, text me to break up.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:03:07
Hamsata Mazou 1:03:08
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:03:09
I agree. I agree. Because it's the thought that counts on me.
Hamsata Mazou 1:03:15
Before you do it. Yeah. Then we're not together. But just know.
Alexis Grant 1:03:21
So so so so so much more respect for you. If you do that, then cheat and tell me after the fact
Hamsata Mazou 1:03:27
and be like, Oh, I know. We were in a relationship but I don't want to hear that sob story. Goodbye.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:03:32
I will. Here's the thing with that right. Okay, yeah, I have respect for you. Cool. But then there's also like, if you really wanted to go through it that bad,
Alexis Grant 1:03:46
then we shouldn't be in a relationship and I respect that
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:03:47
Alexis Grant 1:03:48
that's why I'm also like,
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:03:50
but why did it take to that point because if it's so simple, like I'm willing to let this girl go because I saw this person and I wanted to do this, like what's been, what's been going on for the past couple months?
Hamsata Mazou 1:03:59
You know, sometimes people don't realize things until it's in that moment.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:04:02
You gonna give up something for an in moment experience?
Hamsata Mazou 1:04:05
That's their business. That's their business, and just allow you to know.
Alexis Grant 1:04:10
Possibly depending on how it breaks down, how long it's been whatever. One thing I might hold against them is you wasting my time.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:04:15
Yeah, I think I would be so mad about that. Like really? Come on now.
Hamsata Mazou 1:04:20
Yeah, but back to the main question. Do you think somebody can fully change
No, I want to answer that.
Alexis Grant 1:04:28
Save this question for the next episode because we done here, we're not trying to run their ears this long.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:04:34
We can make a little part 2 though!
Alexis Grant 1:04:36
I'm gonna just throw it in the next episode. Guys, I hope you enjoyed the episode.
Hamsata Mazou 1:05:14
Oh yeah, so you got to make a little beat. Hey.
Alexis Grant 1:05:22
On black, on black, on black dot, podcast? Hey. On black, on black, I said on black dot podcast, Oh, follow us on Instagram. Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube, catch us on the spot. You should come and see.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai