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Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
00:00:00
Welcome to Capes and Conversations, the Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center podcast. I'm Adam Kotowski, Clinical Director. And I'm Megan Rose McMullen, MS. This podcast is a conversation about mental health and wellness. Today we're talking about communication. Communication. We love talking. We do. Sometimes we really need to put brain engagement before mouth and ear though. Yeah, true. And so today we're going to talk about effective communication. Yes. And it isn't just about the intent, right?
00:00:31
It's also about impact. And it's also about what we're hoping to get from the conversation. Correct. Or maybe hope isn't really the, but what your desire is from the conversation. So if I'm going to communicate to you and I want something or I need something to communicate, I have to make sure that I'm doing a good job. Yes. I think, well, I know when I took my master practitioner certification in neuro-linguistic program, one of the principles. Uh, presuppositions they talked about was, um, um, That effective communication is never what you intend to say. It's the response you hope to elicit from whoever you're talking to, group, individual. And I think that's very powerful because, you know, a lot of times we can intend very positive communication.
00:01:19
But if the response we get from that person or persons that we're communicating with is inherently negative, then we have to question what our, you know, approach was. I had a simple one years ago. I mean, we're talking 2030 at this point. If you remember, a popular word at the time was fat, P-H-A-T, right? So it was kind of like in a lot of R&B, hip hop songs. Somebody wore a nice.
00:01:51
outfit. Hey, that's fat, right? It looks amazing. Well, if someone thinks you're saying F-A-T, well, then you've failed in your community. Right. Because while you were intending to say, hey, wow, that outfit is amazing. If they feel that they're looking bad in it in any way, well, then you did not communicate effectively. So I use that example. There's many other words that are similar to that. But that is just one example of how you really have to think about the response you want to get from somebody before you use certain words in certain contexts.
00:02:25
Right. I think also, too, there's like a lot of times we have like semantic issues. Right. Me and my mom always get into arguments because of this. Like we do not communicate on the same level. She has a lot of implicit things that she wants to in. She doesn't explicitly say what she means, in my opinion. And so when she says what she says, she gives me like an order or demand in like a sentence. Right. And like I do that thing because like the words that she used makes me think that like.
00:03:00
Example, she wanted my help today cooking dinner. Previously, context, she wanted to cook dinner for today. And so she was going to get everything ready. I'm in the middle of doing something. She asked me to come help. And she's like, can you get the bag ready of this seasoning or whatever? So I got the bag. I dumped it in a bag. And I got that all ready. And then she was mad at me because she wanted me to do that whole project.
00:03:30
of cutting up the chickens, cooking the chicken in the marinade and all of that stuff. But to me, I want your help. Can you get the bag means I'm going to complete it. I just need you to do a couple things for me. Whereas if you want me to marinate the chicken, just tell me to marinate the chicken, and I can follow the instructions and do the whole thing. And so there's a lot of – and she doesn't understand that all – all the implicit things that she's not saying, doesn't communicate effectively for me because I'm – not on that level right because in my mind she decided she wanted to cook dinner she decided.
00:04:05
what she wanted yes I can help with that but also I didn't know I was going to do the whole thing so it's like which is fine I don't mind I don't mind doing it but I think those are the like the little things that when we have communication we're not necessarily we don't know semantics of the person what it means we don't know um where their brain is right where they're coming at so when we communicate something and they don't have the response that we want we also have to pause and say okay what maybe didn't I what did I miss right that's effective.
00:04:39
communication at a very high level is when you are questioning what was said now that's for the person who's uh communicating at first and then who's responding to it if I always say if you don't understand ask you can ask one simple question what did you mean by that right then we can clarify it that way we're not offended, We get the true meaning and understanding, then you get clarification, and then that will save so many emotional reactions if you just, and whatever way you want to do that.
00:05:09
I always say use a softener. Hey, I'm curious. What did you mean by that? That way you're not like, hey, what did you mean by that? You're not adding to the context. Because tone and delivery are important. And that's exactly where I was going next. So, you know, you think about as parents, your kids taking the first steps. Hey, get over here, right? Look, total. Wow. What's going on? Excited approach, right? Versus get over here. Dominant. Angry approach. Same words, different approaches. So you can always have the words change in the fluctuation of our voice tone.
00:05:45
That's another way. It absolutely matters. Right? So when you think about this, too, as parents and as leaders, when you approach a kid for the truth, right? Most of the time, parents, you know the truth, right? If you just approach it. in a leadership, calm, cool, collective, and assertive approach. Hey, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. Way more. Get over here. I'm going to ask you some questions. Right then and there. Exactly. They're putting up the blocks. They're going to put up the resistance. I go into.
00:06:17
shame too. I had a family member, I won't disclose who, that was very, very hard to talk to. We'll say, I became a liar. Because if you told the truth and they snapped on you, well, what are you conditioning your kids? What are you conditioning people that if you automatically inherently snap because they tell you the truth, they're never going to tell you the truth or the whole truth ever again. Versus if you just approach it as even if it's bad or not good in any way, if they're.
00:06:52
willing to tell you the truth, all right, give me some time to respond to this. In the meantime, you know, get to work. Get to your room, get it picked up, do some stuff. The way you respond to it, they're recording. They're responding. Same as teachers and professionals, anything. They are recording your response, and it incents them to tell the truth or not tell the truth based on your reaction to it. Also, that voice will be with them for the rest of their lives. Absolutely. Basically, until they come to Grundy Eunoia and help get that recording turned. Absolutely. I feel like that's a lot of things, too.
00:07:23
One thing I do is I used to do, when I was living away from home, I used to, if I would do something or drop something, I'd be like, oh, darn it, Megan. I would say that to myself. Megan, right? And I would just be frustrated, right? Get home, and I learned it from my mom. Right. Because if something happens, she'd be like, Megan. Right. God, Megan. Right. So you're saying it to yourself, right? I always tell parents.
00:07:54
The kids will inherit the DNA, right? And it's recorded. And this is scientific. proven, the child in the womb starts recording subconsciously your actions, your reactions, things that are going on. So if you don't think they're taking on your DNA and the memories of that DNA, well, we can prove that in a whole different episode. But regardless, they're recording how they can communicate with you. Are you approachable? Can they tell you anything,
00:08:24
right? How are you going to react to it? And I had to learn this as a father tremendously, right? I was my parents' child. How I reacted is how they reacted to me when I brought things to their attention. So guess what? I, you know, I had to learn and reprogram myself so that they knew they could tell me anything. It's so important and vital when it comes to communication, how you react. And I always say, this is where the carpenter rule dominates. Carpenter rule is you measure twice, you cut once. The human rule should be paired with that, but added another.
00:08:59
Sometimes- think three or four times gather your response before you respond because everything's being recorded and to me that's when people know how and when they want to communicate with you i think a good tip for this is to breathe absolutely because when we get stressed out and we feel like we're going to react it gets our breath shortens and that causes our fight or flight system to turn on so if we can get a couple deep breaths to like regulate oh absolutely it's you.
00:09:30
know i to tell you i have um very close friends who are in the who are retired now from the special forces and when they get selected the special forces that's one of the first things they teach them is how to breathe effectively why because they're going to be making throughout their entire career the most critical decisions within milliseconds if you don't have the proper breath work then their emotions will take over the whole idea of breath is to just take it in fill yourself up let it out, And I always teach kids when I work with them is take out the trash.
00:10:03
When you exhale, dump your thoughts, right? Because that gets you in the present moment. And you're in the present moment, you're willing to make critical decisions without emotion as opposed to on past experiences. Yeah. And I think too, like if you think about when you're like hyperventilating or you're fuming, right? Like it's a slow, quick breath, like, you know, and then that is that. So if you can do the opposite, I always like the opposite of it. Also, the same thing too, is like if you're angry and you're clenching your jaw or your.
00:31:20
you know what, now's not the time to have this conversation. When we're in better states, we'll be able to sit down and we can talk. Give it 24, 48 hours. Let's calm down. And if you're having a hard time, because sometimes we've got to admit that some people, when they take time away, they get more worked up. And I think that's when you need to come here. You need to come here and you need to learn how to do that effective communication, role play. We need to talk about the beliefs. So if someone does something to you or something, what's the story behind that? Well, they didn't do the dishes or they didn't.
00:31:52
Why wouldn't you just do the whole task and not just part of the task? You know? Like maybe we can learn where we're miscommunicating. Oh, yeah. And then what's triggering you. And that's where your biggest opportunity in life is. If something's triggering you about someone else or what they do or what they say, what an opportunity to work on you. Yeah. Because then you start to advance in your awareness. Then you start to advance so that other, when people can't trigger you, that means you're growing and maturing at a very good rate. What's that one quote that's like, change your mind, the way you change your mind changes your world or something?
00:32:28
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Yes. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, I think that that's this. Absolutely. Well, and I say that often is, you know, you take a look at a picture behind you or whatnot. You may like that picture. I may hate that picture. Bottom line, the picture doesn't care. So what you have to do is change the way you look at it. Yeah. Put a new frame on it. Because, you know, that's how often many of our arguments are. Yeah. There's so many things we argue and it's like, do you really both?
00:32:59
Do you really both care so deeply about this? Cause I bet you don't. Yeah. And that's another rule for it. The five minute, the five rule, are you going to care about it in five minutes? Are you going to care about it in five months? Are you going to care about it in five years? If not, then it's not worth it. So yeah. Yeah. And if it is something deeper, cause you will care about it. Cause little things add up. Then it means that there's something underneath that. Relentless and build up contentment. That's where you have to work on it. Yeah. Content is up. So any other, any questions? I think we've covered a lot.
00:33:29
So hopefully you gained some wonderful wisdom in this podcast. And like I said, if we can, please, we, we do work with adults also. You are welcome to stop in. I love to role play. So, you know, by all means we can role play and we can work on things and you can grow in your awareness. You can mature, level up. And I think it's a wonderful opportunity. You know, it's a lot of the world is, is, is changing right now. And there's a lot of good in that. And, and, and we want to say, do we want to change in a good way or do we want to keep getting drug into trigger?
00:33:59
And things that bother. us you know I think we just need to move forward yeah for sure also we're on season two now we are we got season two wow yeah high five season two yeah we're on season two and in case they didn't know we have a children's podcast so for whatever we're talking about on the parents project we have a kids version as well shorter same stuff related to movies kids uh books that kind of stuff and kind of weave that in there as well so it's a little bit more fun and if you think that your.
00:34:33
kid would like the podcast share it with them and we have a whole dedication page for media that people can go on and submit topics of conversations if they have situations that have caused them triggers or grief or whatever but they don't necessarily want to be you know talking about it out front then they can do it anonymously nominating anonymously. I've been there many times. Let me help you out with the work.
00:35:04
So please submit that. We would love to hear if you have a situation with your kids that you're struggling with or reoccurring events that keep happening or situations where you maybe feel out of control or lost and you might not necessarily have the time to come in. We would love to help you. We'd be honored. Yeah. So until next time. Until next time. Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center podcast, Capes and Conversation. If you or someone you know is challenged, struggling, or needs someone to talk to, you matter, you are important, and please reach out to us via our website or social media.
00:35:37
which can be found in our show notes. And if you have a topic of conversation about a favorite character's heroic journey, please let us know as we would love to talk about it on our show. Until next time, unlock the hero within. Your adventure awaits with us.