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The New Mom Podcast is a Christian motherhood podcast for women navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood.
Whether you're a first-time mom, expecting, or in the middle of sleepless nights, this show offers real, honest conversations about motherhood, marriage, identity, and faith. We talk about birth stories, postpartum recovery, relationships, mental health, and trusting God through every stage of motherhood. If you're looking for encouragement, practical advice, and a reminder that you're not alone—this podcast is for you.
Our prayer is that New Mom leaves you feeling seen, strengthened, and a little more equipped for the beautiful calling of motherhood!
New episodes weekly.
Hello, and welcome back to New Mom. I'm your host, Carrie Alexander, and I am so excited to be with you here today. Okay. Today's episode was such a good one. You guys, Tessa Armstrong is in the studio today and she- Tessa is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a speaker, a Bible study author with a passion for helping women discover their true identity in Christ.
Carrie:She is also a wife and a mom. And she today has released her first Bible study called Identity Forged in Fire. You guys, this study is so good. And I was so excited to have Tessa in the studio to talk about it. And also just to talk about our identities in Christ, specifically for moms.
Carrie:This is such a struggle, whether it's body image, which we get into, comparison, or even just feeling lost in motherhood, just feeling like, who am I anymore? She is just... She has so much knowledge and wisdom and practical, biblical tips to share on finding our identity in Christ. Again, rooting out the lies and absolutely clinging on to the word of God and the truth that scripture provides. I just loved this conversation.
Carrie:If you're struggling with body image, if you're struggling with comparison, if you're struggling with feeling like motherhood, you're just feeling like you're drowning, I really think that you're gonna walk away from this conversation, one, wanting to get the study because I I have it in my hand as we're speaking and it's it's so good. But also to just take the time to write out the lies that maybe you are believing and the things about your identity that people have spoken over you that need to go. And you can replace them with the truth of scripture. And Tessa really shows us practical ways to do that. So I believe this is gonna be a transformative episode, a transformative conversation.
Carrie:I pray it blesses each one of you where you are at today. And without further ado, here is my conversation with Tessa Armstrong. Tessa, welcome to New Mom. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
Carrie:I'm so excited to to have you here. Welcome to the welcome to the studio.
Tessa:Thank you. It's beautiful.
Carrie:Thank I love it. Thank you. We were just talking about home studios before we started recording. It's, like, such a gift to have this. And the fact that it can kinda stay put and then we just, you know, come and go and it's it's nice.
Tessa:Well, and I love that you're able to do it at home because you are in a season of being home so much with a baby. And I think it's the kindness of God that he's allowed you to be able to do that while your baby's napping and not have to, like, hustle to be to and fro and We're really grateful. Gift.
Carrie:Yeah. Honestly, thanks for saying that. Because I just said to my husband before he started... Before you got here today, I was like, oh my gosh. Like, sometimes counting on, you know, when your kids get older, was like, I don't know how long we're gonna be able to count on these nap times.
Carrie:Because we have, I feel like he has just provided every step of the way, like just making room and guests are so sweet about just kind of working with like, if I have guests that have little kids, we'll work with their nap time, our nap time, all this. And I'm like, okay, at some point, maybe the Lord will provide for us to like figure out some childcare or something. But in the meantime, I'm just so grateful and it does. It works really well. And like sometimes he'll cry or wake up or whatever.
Carrie:I'm like, it's literally called New Mom. So it's a bad place. It's so fitting.
Tessa:It is. I think that's relatable to your audience that that is the season
Carrie:of We're trying to make it work as everybody is in their lives doing their things in their house and doesn't always go to plan.
Tessa:And I think that's a good illustration that we we start thinking ahead to the future of what will that look like once my baby is no longer napping. I remember doing that. And then when you get to that season, you're in it, God has it already worked out. Right? He goes before us.
Tessa:So he already knows the answers to all those what ifs. So we just have to rest. You know? And that's life. That's literally the picture of our whole life.
Tessa:Rest where you are. He already knows the future. He's got a plan, and it's good.
Carrie:Oh, I need to hear that. Okay. Thank you. We're starting strong. Okay.
Carrie:So tell us a little bit... For those who don't know you, tell us a little bit about yourself, about your family, you know, how many kids you have, what's going on with all this. Just like... Yeah. Yeah.
Carrie:Give us a little intro.
Tessa:I am a mom of four. So my oldest is a 13 year old boy. I have an 11 year old daughter, our only girl, and then I have identical twin boys that are nine, and it's so fun, so wild. We had four kids in under... They were four and under, so when my...
Tessa:When they were first born, my son was three for, a month and a half, and then we had four under four. So it was wild and crazy and fun. I've been married for fourteen years as of September 22 last month. We just celebrated Yes. Our And I'm a marriage and family therapist licensed in California and Tennessee.
Tessa:We've been in Tennessee for three years, lived in Orange County, California my whole life, born and raised there. And the Lord called us to Franklin, Tennessee, which I know is not a shocker because it
Carrie:sounds like you. I'm sorry. I'm just... God is so cool because I've had numerous women in my chair this month that have a similar story. And obviously, we have the same one.
Carrie:It's just like... I'm just in real time, wow, God,
Tessa:what are you What are you doing? All of us are wondering. We're all
Carrie:banding together and asking. It's so cool. Anyway, continue. I love that.
Tessa:We'll talk about He brought us here. And really, my husband and I felt a stirring that he was calling us both into ministry. And I have always seen my practice, like, sitting with clients and being at a Christian nonprofit, counseling clinic as being already in ministry, but, you know, I felt like he had something... There was a new chapter awaiting. I just didn't know what that was.
Tessa:Same with my husband, but in a different area. And so part of us being called here was, like, really stepping into the unknown and having no idea what God had in store for us. We sold our company. We left our little sweet Christian school, had a big question mark of like where our kids were gonna land, didn't know where we were gonna move. Our business sold in two days and one of the ladies who purchased it, her name was Faith, which was just wild.
Tessa:God did miracle after miracle after miracle to get us here, but it was still hard. There's still difficulties and unknown seasons where you just don't know what's ahead of you.
Carrie:You don't
Tessa:know the answers. And so about a year into living here, I started writing this Bible study. And really, God planted those seeds in my heart as a little girl. I was 16. And I remember just journaling on my bed, I was really processing.
Tessa:I had grown up in this wonderful Christian home. My parents were amazing examples of what it looks like to follow Christ. We had missionaries live with us. We had, my sister's best friend was a single mom. She had three kids.
Tessa:She lived with us for a couple years. Our door was a revolving door of people that my parents were pouring into.
Carrie:That's amazing.
Tessa:It was incredible. And I was so, grateful that I just sat in this place of gratitude. Like, Lord, why did you put me in this family that taught me about Jesus, that has nurtured me and cared for my every need, that has made me feel loved and safe and known and poured into? And I'm... I started to drive at that age, so I was seeing all these kids at different schools that were in broken families, and there was so much pain, depression, addiction, violence.
Tessa:And I just saw this brokenness where I was like, Why did you put me in this family? And I felt like this gratitude that pushed me into action. And so I remember sitting on my bed, I'll never forget it, actually write about it in the book, and just telling God I'm gonna serve you with my whole life. And I felt at that moment he was calling me to be a counselor, which is crazy at 16 that I felt that. And I felt like he planted a seed in my heart that one day I would write.
Tessa:And that really stemmed from years of people telling me as a little girl, like, oh, you're so good at writing and one day you're gonna write something. And so that just marked me. That moment marked me that I'm gonna serve the kingdom with the gifts that God's given me. I wanna help people. You know?
Tessa:So fast forward, became a therapist at a young age. I went to Pepperdine. We were just talking about that prior to filming, and got my degree and then went on to get my master's in marriage and family therapy. And I've been a therapist for sixteen years. I also have led women's bible studies for probably twenty years, maybe longer.
Tessa:And I just love the Lord so much. And so all of my story, which we'll get into, has led to writing this really.
Carrie:Wow. Congratulations on writing it. Thank It's amazing. Thank you.
Tessa:Always I'm
Carrie:so excited. I love having authors on and I'm always just so maybe impressed is not like proud. I don't even know you yet, but I'm just like, I'm so proud of you. I just I just imagine like just from following authors even online and just when people let you into the details, like, it's just... It's such a journey and you really...
Carrie:It's just kind of a hidden one. You don't really know until it's out and then you don't get to see all of that. So anyway, just congratulations. That's amazing. Thank it's exciting to see.
Carrie:I know the Lord's gonna do amazing things with it. And by way, if you're watching, then you might see it next to me, but it's called Identity Forged in Fire. And the cover is beautiful. Well, we love it.
Tessa:Very feminine.
Carrie:Yes. And it's a six week women's bible study and we will talk more about it. Okay. The question I always love to start with is just what is the Lord teaching you in this season of motherhood?
Tessa:Yeah. So I I think when you imagine launching a bible study for the kingdom, it comes with its fair share of warfare. And we've been walking through some crazy warfare in my home, and one of the ways the enemy knows to attack me is with my kids because I love my babies. I love my husband. I love my family.
Tessa:That's my, like, holy sacred place. And the enemy has been hitting us so hard in one of the areas that has been with my oldest son. So about six weeks ago, he was doing a back flip at church, 13 year old boy, and someone accidentally like sort of shoved him, like kind of being playful, didn't know it would hurt him, but he was going backwards to do a back flip and got pushed forward and he landed straight on his head on concrete, had a pretty bad concussion. We had to go to the hospital, he was seeing zigzags and very dazed. They did a CT scan.
Tessa:So we were walking through that, but in... You know, behind the scenes, he has been training for over a year for his fall wrestling season at school. He did phenomenal last year. Like, God really used wrestling to minister to him and teach him so many lessons. And I'm like, here we go again.
Tessa:Round two. Mhmm. So the wrestling season starts, and he has a concussion where he's not allowed to be physical or active for four weeks at least minimum. Right? So he's taking a back seat and waiting and waiting and waiting for these four weeks to be up.
Tessa:The day he went back to wrestling practice for one time. That night, he went over to a friend's house and they were doing box jumps after practice, and he fell backwards. And he put his hand down and he sprains his wrist. We're just
Carrie:Poor kid. Oh, that breaks my heart.
Tessa:I know. And he just is like, mom, I'm so defeated. Like, I worked all year for this moment, this season, this time, and it's being taken from me. And so we're walking through that as parents. So as a mom, I'm in the trenches with my kids when they're in the trenches.
Tessa:Right? And so I'm walking through this with him that God is good, and he's sovereign, and you can trust him even when our circumstances don't feel good and you're going through a trial and it's like, Lord, where are you? Why did you allow this? Mhmm. Why?
Tessa:You know? Like, we don't understand the whys, but we can bring them to God and we can wrestle through them with our God. Sorry. Bless you. Thank you.
Tessa:And so I'm in this moment of teaching my son what it looks like to fully surrender the things you love and make sure they're never an idol in our heart, which is so easy to do for the things we love, even good things. Like wrestling's a good thing, but if you make it something that's your identity or it's everything to you when it's stripped away or it's challenged or it's taken, that can shatter us. Right? And so I'm really teaching him you have to hold it with open hands. We have to trust God with it that he knows what he's doing, and God is a God of redemption.
Tessa:And I was like, Cash, that's his name. I'm like, buddy, he's gonna redeem this. He will redeem this. And maybe it's not what you think it'll look like, and maybe it isn't the story that you would have written, but it'll be even better. And the best part is he's forging your character, and he's teaching you that he's faithful in that.
Tessa:So it's like you're gonna have so much good fruit come out of this in your own character and in your faith, and you're gonna learn that God is trustworthy. And even though it doesn't seem that way right now, like, he is... He's faithful. So that's been hard as a mom, and I'm learning surrender my son. Right?
Carrie:Oh my gosh. I can only imagine. Because it's... At that age... Did you say he's 13?
Tessa:Yeah.
Carrie:Yeah. That's just so different. Right? Because I... I'm dealing with a toddler, and he's just starting to become a person.
Carrie:And I've been praying lately specifically about his future. And I've been praying about... It was even interesting you said that about your your son getting... Just the other day, I had a random moment where I was like, Lord, just keep him safe physically right now. We just as
Tessa:Bumps moms and bruises.
Carrie:The older they get, the more autonomy they have, the more you're like, Okay. I don't have control here. I actually just don't. But we talk about that a lot, my husband and I, just about as they become people, watching them suffer, you know, watching them go through trials, watching them wrestle with how is God good when my wrestling season's ruined, you know? And I mean, everything you just said is is so stunning.
Carrie:And I... I'm so... It's like, how blessed is your son that you get to speak into him like that as his mom? But those things are hard. Like, I can't...
Carrie:I don't look forward to that. I don't look forward to when my kid is old enough to say, this really hurts. I'm really disappointed. Like, that is just That is just challenging.
Tessa:It's the hardest thing I think as a parent allowing your kid... I mean allowing like we have control. Watching them, witnessing brokenness and their heart just broken and they don't get it. But I love that God gives us the vantage point as a mom that we've been seasoned. We've gone through our own stuff where we're like, no.
Tessa:No. No. No. God, you're not done. You're not finished.
Tessa:This is so good for him because you're pruning him and you're teaching him at such a young age. And, yes, you've given him parents that can equip him, that can help him get through the hard season. Right? Like, that's a gift to our kids that we're able to be like, hey, bud. This is what happened to me, and this is what God taught me, and you're gonna get through it.
Tessa:And this... Look at this example in scripture of God's faithfulness, like, he's gonna do that for you. Yeah. You know? And just the identity lessons.
Tessa:My kids know that I've... Have this bible study coming out, and it's so beautiful that I get to tie that in and share that with them that hey we don't put our identity in our success, achievements, our accomplishments, in our performance, in earning our worth, right? It's so easy to kind of take the bait like the enemy wants us to with finding fulfillment in that and all of your purpose in that. And so it's really given us beautiful conversations but it's also so hard
Carrie:to watch.
Tessa:You know?
Carrie:It's it's just also really cool, I imagine, for your kids to see, okay, you're writing a study on identity. And I'm sure you and your husband just in general talk about identity a good bit. Like, to actually get to those places where your kids can see you practice what you preach Yeah. Is is just a really big moment for for families. And I I know like when kids, you know, not to get into like strays, but there are a lot of kids that like Yeah.
Carrie:They they veer off because they're like, my my dad was a pastor but like at home, it wasn't like that or, you know, whatever.
Tessa:Yeah.
Carrie:And I I just think it's really cool that your kids are like, okay. Like, mom's writing this book on identity. She's talking a lot about identity. And then she's... You're pouring that into him.
Carrie:You're like, hey, this is, like, who God says you are. And you actually are walking that out and that is not Yeah. Easy to do. Like... Well, and it was really neat.
Tessa:Not fun, but really neat that God gave me a good illustration illustration for for my my son son on Sunday this week. My book was supposed to launch October 19 on Monday. Mhmm. And there was an error with Amazon, and they had to unpublish it, republish it. So now it's not...
Carrie:It didn't launch Those things.
Tessa:Less than twenty four hours before. Talk about a disappointment. Right?
Carrie:Like the buildup and then all
Tessa:a sudden
Carrie:you're like, wait, what?
Tessa:Yes. So then now it's coming out October 26. But my kids witnessed that. They were in the room when I got the call and watched me respond and how I responded and went to the Lord first and asked him what to do and didn't allow it to rattle me because I'm anchored in Christ. Right?
Tessa:It's like this doesn't define me. You know, I've laid the expectations down. I've surrendered the outcome. God is responsible for the outcome. I'm responsible to show up, steward well what he's given me, and God's responsible for the outcome.
Tessa:I've been obedient, He's going to do the rest. And so why would I carry the burden and the weight? Just teaching my kids that sometimes hard things happen. Sometimes things happen that we don't understand. Sometimes we are gonna go through storms in life and trials and the winds are gonna come and the rain is gonna blow, but your foundation is gonna be secure if it's in Christ.
Tessa:Not in the things of this world, not in a study coming out on time or good numbers or whatever, or a wrestling tournament that you won and you got first place. Those things are fleeting. Really, they are fleeting. They're not things that we can anchor ourselves to, but we can anchor ourselves to Jesus. And then we're unshakable.
Tessa:Right? And we might have moments where it's like, ah, what's happening? And you feel like you're rattled. But the more mature we become in Christ and the more anchored we are abiding in him, it's like we're quicker to respond and calm ourselves and go to him for peace instead of reacting. Right?
Tessa:We're able to respond. So God's given me opportunities to model that too for him, which is really neat. But again, not fun.
Carrie:Absolutely. Yeah. Neat and not the most fun thing in the world. Wow. That's so great.
Tessa:Yeah.
Carrie:So one thing that I I know you'd mentioned that you've talked about in the past that you you do talk about is body image. And I was excited to have you on to talk about this because on my socials, that's just one of the thing. Like women are very responsive when we talk about postpartum body image. Women wanna... I I think it's just because we all feel it.
Carrie:Like, I think I think it's so universal that you're feeling something about your body. Even my most stunning friends that had unicorn pregnancies are like, oh, I don't I don't feel great afterward. Like, if you don't feel great, none of us feel great because you look amazing. Mhmm. And so, anyway, so many of us, like, are just feeling that in pregnancy, in postpartum.
Carrie:And I know you kinda have a story that starts even before that. Yeah. So I just thought it would be cool if you would maybe share your testimony on what you walked through. Mhmm. And then we can get to the part of like, I would love to know how you handled that in motherhood since you had a little bit of a history before.
Carrie:But, yeah, kind of start wherever you want, I'm just really excited to like, hopefully just let women feel less alone on this topic because it's something people just aren't super open about.
Tessa:I think most women struggle at some point in their life with not feeling comfortable in their own body or not loving their body or finding your worth and your value in it, looking for external validation in your body or your image. Right? We can call it appearance too. Yeah. So I would say I feel like I really began to struggle with my body in college.
Tessa:I think that I had gone through a four year breakup so that definitely was a trigger for me. I was living in Hollywood, Malibu would go to Hollywood on the weekends, tabloids were all the rage when I was... I'm aging myself. Is that even a thing? Still TMZ.
Tessa:Honestly just shared.
Carrie:Yeah. Just sharing. Yes.
Tessa:I remember. Facebook and Myspace were just starting to come out when we were... Like, I was in high school and then in college. I think it was Myspace first, then Facebook. But people were posting...
Tessa:You know, they'd go out and they'd post 47 pictures of the night every day. And so it was all about likes and, you know, I'm sure we can... People can relate to that today with Instagram and TikTok and all the social media, but it was booming and I was at such a pivotal age of trying to figure out who I am, who I am after this breakup, feeling less than and insecure because of the breakup and lonely probably. I also was away from my support system because I wasn't living with my family anymore and I was off on my own trying to just figure it out and I was looking for my value and my peace in all the wrong places, in relationships with guys, in trying to be successful. I was doing a little bit of like modeling and acting myself.
Tessa:And you know what that world's like. It's a very like worldly, all about your It's appearance so toxic. Vanity, vanity, vanity as Ecclesiastes talks about. Yes. Yes.
Carrie:It's all vanity.
Tessa:It's all
Carrie:vanity. Yes.
Tessa:And I think that I just got really wrapped up in it because it was surrounding me. It was the bubble that I was in, and I didn't have any real voices of authority, like motherly figures. Like, yes, my parents, but, you know, I was off doing my thing. You're in college. I'm in college.
Tessa:I'm by myself. And broken inside because my heart was hurting from a breakup and so I think that I felt anxious of the season I was in and so my form of control was controlling what I ate or what I didn't eat or restricted or over exercise. And so it started as like this innocent form of pseudo control over my situation and trying to make myself feel better about myself and make myself more lovable and worthy in all the wrong ways. And that led to the spiral of then a full fledged eating disorder for probably a little bit over a year. And I was a believer.
Tessa:I went to a Christian college. I was in, you know, cute little book club that talked about our faith. And I knew all the right things, but I didn't believe them. I didn't believe them. And, I really wrestled with God every single day.
Tessa:Like, Lord, why are you letting me go through this? You could take this affliction from me like that. The snap of your fingers. Like, why are you allowing me to go through this suffering when I'm literally begging you? Remove it.
Tessa:You know? And we can get into the logistics of why I think he allowed it, but one thing he led me to after a year of being on my knees and just praying and praying, and I would I would hate myself because I'm like, why am I still doing this behavior that I know is not good for me? It's hurting me. It's sinful, and I hate it. I feel sick about it.
Tessa:I felt shame. I felt guilt, which those are not from the Lord. Right? That was the enemy. But I would turn to God and be like, take it, and he didn't take it.
Tessa:And at the end of that year, I really felt like I related to Paul being like, this is a thorn in my flesh. Not the eating disorder, but the anxiety that I was feeling brought me on a place where I was on my knees every day that I actually found a relationship with God that was so different than I had ever had. Right? It's like before God gave me the title Identity is Forged in the Fire, two minutes before that, he said, intimacy is forged in the fire and it's so true. That's where we find him when we're so desperate that we're dependent on him.
Carrie:And we never want to get there but really, oh it's so true.
Tessa:It's so true in the fire and that's where we're shaped, right, in the refiner's hands. He molds us and forges us into his image so that's sort of a little on the title but going back to the story, by the grace of God... So he did answer my prayers, they just weren't in the moment that I was begging and pleading. It was about a year later that he allowed me to endure that and I started going to grad school at that point. And part of grad school was that I had to do my own hours of therapy sitting with a therapist.
Tessa:So if I did one hundred hours of counseling, they would triple my hours toward my license. So I did one hundred hours of therapy which was God's way of being like, you're not gonna ask for help from somebody else. You're keeping this a secret. Right? We're as sick as our secret.
Tessa:So the sicker... I got sicker by keeping it to myself. I didn't ask anyone for help. But when I went to a therapist I was able to like, write it down, you know, in my little pamphlet and work through it with him. And simultaneously, we were helping with this, like, church that was trying to do a start up, and they had a lot of the people that were leaders do this, like, kind of like AA but for the church, like 12 steps of spiritual formation.
Tessa:And in that book, it talked about, like, what are the beliefs that you have? What are the lies that you're believing? And really learning to take every thought captive and replace it with truth, and that changed my life. That changed my life. I'm telling you, I began to identify, like, what was keeping me stuck in this hamster wheel of trying to make myself good enough and worthy of love.
Tessa:And underneath that, at the root of, I don't like my body and I have to be perfect to be loved. I need everybody's approval. Underneath all of that was the belief that I'm unworthy of love as I am. I'm not enough. And so working through that with the Lord, taking those beliefs captive, and then replacing them with truth until I went from head knowledge to heart knowledge, and that's when I felt like I broke free, like I was out of that bondage.
Tessa:But it took a while. It was like a daily practice of yielding to the Holy Spirit and allowing the Holy Spirit's power to transform me, allowing the sword, the word of God, the truth to really break through every single lie. And it took time because, again, I had to believe what I was speaking.
Carrie:Yeah. I was gonna ask to get practical because we know that the word of God has has such power.
Tessa:Yeah.
Carrie:Were you just speaking that over yourself as well? Like, what did that look like when you're saying the Lord's transforming you?
Tessa:Yeah.
Carrie:You know, you are... You're looking to the word. Just for maybe a girl who's listening that's like, no. I need to know what she means. Like, how do I begin to ask God to do this in my life?
Carrie:Did it look like repeating scripture about renewing your mind? Did it look like speaking biblical truths? Did it look like prayer? What did that look like for you?
Tessa:So first I would say there's a whole chapter on it. Oh, There we
Carrie:Amazing. Let's go. No, please.
Tessa:I'm so I will excited. I will gladly share it. They don't even have to get the book. Shake the book if you want.
Carrie:You shake the book. Yeah.
Tessa:First, I think the first thing is identifying what you're believing. I think it's easy sometimes to recognize our thoughts, but it's really the belief underneath the thought. So the way that I explain it in the book is your beliefs are the roots. These are the things that are, like, deeply ingrained in your core. They can be established in childhood.
Tessa:Maybe it's something someone spoke over you. Maybe it's from trauma that happened to you. Maybe it's a bully that said something or a boyfriend or a father figure, and it's just stuck with you. And it's this like
Carrie:And the negative ones do. They tend to
Tessa:do that. Yes. Mhmm. So you've got these core beliefs which then... So think of those as the roots.
Tessa:Those produce, like, these fruit and that's your thoughts. So you got the roots and then you got the fruit of the roots. And so you're gonna have thoughts all throughout the day. Most of our thoughts are automatic negative thoughts or automatic thoughts. So you...
Tessa:In therapy, we call them ants because we're like squish the ants, the automatic negative thoughts. Right? Teach your kids that, like, squish them. But, you know, it's it's as automatic to you as if I said, hey. Write your name on a piece of paper.
Tessa:You would pick up the pen and you would write it. You wouldn't have to tell your brain, put your right hand down, pick up the pen, begin to draw, do a C. It's automatic. Yes, so a lot of our thoughts are so automatic that we don't recognize them. So the first step is to recognize what am I thinking throughout the day.
Tessa:Take note of those. I would write them down. What are the automatic negative thoughts that go through my mind throughout the day? And then, like, as you're looking at them and visually seeing what you think about, try to figure out what is the core belief that these thoughts are stemming from. What's the root?
Tessa:So like I said, if I'm like, gosh, I have to strive to make myself perfect and my body is not enough and I have to always present myself a certain way and, you know, my appearance is everything, then what's at the root that's making me believe these thoughts? Right? Mhmm. And at the root for me, was that I was not enough as I was. I was unworthy of love as I am.
Tessa:I have to make myself better. I have to earn your love by my performance or my perfection or my appearance or be likable. It creates people pleasing. Identity really is such a huge thing for all of us that I don't think we realize a lot of our problems and behaviors stem from not knowing our identity and seeking it out in the world in all the wrong ways. So once you have identified your core beliefs, the faulty beliefs that you have, then you're going to identify...
Tessa:Like go through scripture and I offer a ton of different truths to replace most of the... I put I think 10 common core lies that we believe. Mhmm. So you can also look at that list in the book and be like, okay, this one makes sense for me. Mhmm.
Tessa:Yes. This makes sense. So I try to help assist in that and then replacing them with scripture, god's truth, and knowing that these are not just your typical affirmation. Right? That's not just saying, like, I am strong.
Tessa:I am beautiful. Yeah. Like, god's God's word is alive. It's the living word of God. It is powerful, and it carries authority.
Carrie:That's so important to say because it's so normalized in our culture. You're amazing, girl. Say that over your face. Say that over in the mirror or whatever. This is different.
Carrie:This is the word of God. This has the power of the holy spirit. This is transformative. This is life. And when you say
Tessa:it, believe it. Mhmm. I think faith activates something in us too when we believe what we're speaking. And we go to God's word and say, Lord, I am wrestling with believing this myself, but I believe that what you speak is truth. Help me go from head knowledge of just knowing scripture Mhmm.
Tessa:To that heart knowledge of actually believing what you're speaking is truth. Help it to penetrate my heart, be engraved in my heart. Give me a new mind and a new heart, which is a promise of his word, and that's why it's so important to know his word. So you're gonna replace it with that truth and meditate, chew on it, put it all over your house. And it really...
Tessa:So I love that science has caught up with what scripture has already said.
Carrie:It's the best. It's the best. Love seeing that.
Tessa:Over and over and over again. And so neuroscience has come out and said, you know, our brains, like it talks all about neuroplasticity, you can create new neural pathways in your brain, but it takes time. It's repetition over and over and over to create a new neural pathway, which means there's a new way of thinking that your brain is now accustomed to. Think about how long your brain has got used to this track of negative thinking, of thinking the worst, of anxious thinking, irrational thoughts, of thinking away about your body or about people, relationships, whatever it might be. You're forging a new path in your brain when you're consistently going to God's word, renewing your mind.
Tessa:He says to take every thought captive and be transformed by the renewing of your mind. We renew it in his word. So not only are you doing that, but then you get your partner, which is the Holy Spirit, who is powerful, who carries so much power. So it's not just like you're doing this self help thing. Right?
Tessa:You have the living word, but you have the holy spirit who is responsible for sanctifying you, and he is helping you. He's your helper. So I think we forget that sometimes, but that's, like, the main thing. There's a little bit more that I cover in the study, but those... That's the main thing is, like, really practicing taking every thought captive, identifying the beliefs, and doing the work of figuring out what truth, and I would even find five truths Mhmm.
Tessa:That replace that one core belief or more. Yeah. Right? Mhmm. And don't stop until you fully agree with God.
Tessa:You're like, okay, Lord. I believe you over every lie that's been spoken over me.
Carrie:Mhmm.
Tessa:I believe you over every lie I've ever chose to agree with. If you wanna go even deeper, this is... I don't think this is in there, but I break the agreements
Carrie:Mhmm.
Tessa:With the enemy. Yes. I'm like, Lord, I renounce that in the name of Jesus. And the second you do that, you know you're set free. Like, his blood is powerful and it covers all sin, every agreement we've ever made with the enemy.
Tessa:And so if you wanna go a step further, would do that too.
Carrie:Yeah. That's that's really good. Especially, like, it just spoke to me when you were saying, you know, things that people have said in your past or... And sometimes we just those things, we don't even realize how often they're repeating in our minds things that kids said about us in school when we were 10. You just don't know, especially just thinking about things with your body.
Carrie:And so I just I don't know. I think that's such an important thing to say for women that are listening. Is there something that floats way too often? Well, my dad said I had this or had that. Or my mom said, always made fun of this part of me.
Carrie:And actually renounce that. There is so much power in saying that's a lie. That's not true about me. And I'm, yeah, I'm breaking that.
Tessa:And Yeah.
Carrie:Yeah. I was also thinking when you were talking, it's interesting with with me with body image. I've, like, written about it a little bit. I have, like, a little blog I do for fun. I've talked about, like, postpartum body image.
Carrie:But I think you are inspiring me to go back to those scriptures and to actually, like, just get them flowing again. Because I have been following the Lord for a while Mhmm. And we can almost fall into this auto... This... I don't know.
Carrie:This place of like, oh, I know my identity is in the Lord. Yeah. And so I'm good. And so even when I'm not speaking these truths all the time, sometimes we can be under the false assumption that our brain's always gonna go to that positive place now. Yeah.
Carrie:And what's interesting is I noticed after I had my son... Because I've always been like someone that feels... Especially as an actor, like, I felt like really blessed that I didn't have a bunch of body even struggles like so many girls around me did. So anyway, I've always been like, I'm pretty healthy with that. And then I found the Lord and I have this deep sense of like, okay, now I really know truth And I really know what God says about me.
Carrie:But after I had him, I started realizing how many things the world was saying were in there. So for instance, like
Tessa:Yeah.
Carrie:I'm six months postpartum, and I just took longer to feel like myself again than a lot of my friends. And I was actually okay with that because, again, I knew was that like, I'm gonna have complete grace. The Lord is in this with me. This is my body. This is my timing.
Carrie:I grew a life. But then the world would keep whispering in with like, why are you the only one that can't fit into your clothes yet? Why are you the only one that you know what I'm saying? And so anyway, as you were saying that, I'm like, this is so good because, yes, I do know the word of God. I do know the truth.
Carrie:But I think just making sure that we're speaking it over ourselves enough that it's really in there. And I I don't think that's something we just do in one season of life. No. And then we're like, yeah, I did that. I went through that.
Carrie:It's not... You know what I mean? It's not a course. It's like this is a... This is faith.
Carrie:This is living it out. So anyway, you're just inspiring me to, I think, just, like, really do that again, you know? Because
Tessa:We're never done. We're never done. We're never done. No. And the enemy will find new ways to get us to believe lies, whether it's about our body or about our achievements or someone upset with us.
Tessa:So I write in there also about how we're always in process. And I actually, when I set out to write this I was like, oh I got this. I've already walked through this. I've already counseled so many women. On
Carrie:the other side of it.
Tessa:Yeah. And God was like, we are going so much deeper. Mhmm. So I really feel like the more we mature in our faith, he he does take us even deeper in our sanctification Mhmm. And in our maturity and our walk that we're always in this process of looking more like Christ, and that involves all of our identity.
Tessa:Yeah. You know?
Carrie:That's so good. So... Yeah. That's so good. Okay.
Carrie:So I wanna ask you with identity. Yeah. As moms, I think it's easy for us to go lots of places, but two common ones that I see and I definitely relate to are, I've become a mom and I feel like I've lost myself. And I just... I I hear a lot of women be like, I miss my old self.
Carrie:Yeah. I'm feeling kinda resentful. And especially in this day and age where so many women have to work or choose to work and they're like, that's a whole wrestle.
Tessa:Yeah.
Carrie:Or you have moms that are like, I've lost myself in motherhood. I'm just... I'm I'm a mom and that's that's all that I feel like I am anymore. And and you can go almost too far either direction, right, where we feel like we're sitting in these places of unhealth and our identity not being rooted in Christ. Yeah.
Carrie:Can you relate to that at all? And also, because we're talking so much about identity, what would you say to women that are sitting in... And no shame if you're an either. I've felt both of those things before. Like, it's it's not...
Carrie:It can be a spectrum. But what would you say to women that are, like, just struggling with their identity being like, yes, I'm a mom. It's a calling on my life. It's a huge part of my life. But it's not who I am.
Carrie:It's not the only piece of me. What would you say about that?
Tessa:So I was in that camp of I think that my family became an idol. Like, being a mom was something I wanted to be my whole life. I took so much pride, I still do, in being a mom. But I actually ended up putting my family and my kids and nap times and all of it above my time with the Lord. And I mean that in the most gentle way because you are so in the trenches Mhmm.
Tessa:In those early years. Like, having four under four, I'm like, we kinda had to prioritize naps, but I could have been in the word at some point in the day, and I wasn't. Mhmm. I went through probably a six, seven year season of a dry season with God where I just slowly just stopped leading Bible study because I was overwhelmed working and nursing and sleepless nights. And so I really feel like I was finding my purpose, my identity, all of that in my kids.
Tessa:And I think you can spiral in that place. Right? Because one day they're not gonna be in your home. Mhmm. And like you began the podcast with, we're not in control of everything that happens in our kids' lives.
Tessa:So if you think that, like, if you're putting all of your stake in your family and finding your identity and being a mom, what happens to you when something happens? I had a friend that lost her son this past summer from cancer. What does that do to you when that's your identity and that's your whole purpose in life? And then when your kids are out of the house and you're an empty nester, think a lot of people have a midlife crisis, like what else am I here for? If that's my identity, now what?
Tessa:And so we can't find our identity in that and we'll get into how it is such a gift and it's holy and sacred and it is a calling and it is your first ministry. But first let's go to the other side of the spectrum. So the other side of the spectrum is, you know, I am lost in motherhood and I don't know who I am now and I'm no longer in the corporate world or being seen in a certain way on the success ladder or being heard in a meeting and getting a bonus for my achievements. It's like I'm doing this mundane thing. This is what I've heard from people.
Tessa:This wasn't my experience, but over and over doing the same thing every day Mhmm. And no one's appreciating it. My baby isn't able to tell me,
Carrie:thank you. Good job. Five stars. Good job. Yeah.
Tessa:You got a great report. Thanks for doing the dishes for the seventh time today. Thanks for cooking the meal. Thanks for cleaning up my diapers. Thanks for preparing a snack for the park.
Tessa:Thanks for cleaning up my Cheerios. Yeah. It's a thankless job, and I think a lot of moms feel like they're not seen. Mhmm. And they feel like it's almost an isolating season too of, like, I'm alone in this, and I don't like it, and I'm not thriving.
Tessa:Mhmm. And I think sometimes that can also be because you may have been, and this is just like I'm just saying for maybe some of them, you may have finding... Found your identity and your purpose in whatever you were doing prior to becoming a mom. Mhmm. That that...
Tessa:Now that that's out of the picture, sort of like the parent who found their identity in their children and they're an empty nester, you are kind of an empty nester, like no longer working in that field and no longer doing the things you were doing or having the freedom you were to do it or hanging out with friends all
Carrie:the time. Identity shift.
Tessa:Yeah. Very big shift of life, a huge transition, and so I think it can rattle people. And so I would say if... In both instances, if you are finding your identity in Christ and you are anchored to him, there are things that you can do aside from that to make you feel like you are enjoying motherhood, but it's not an idol. And you're not finding your identity in it because you're going to God first, and then you're also not isolated and feeling depressed and feeling like I'm purposeless and aimless and why am I even here and nothing I do matters.
Tessa:Because I think a lot of those people then go try to seek out, like, how do I fill this void that I'm feeling? Mhmm. Because motherhood isn't doing it for me.
Carrie:Mhmm.
Tessa:And then there's shame with that too of, like, why am I the only mom that feels this way? Mhmm. All these moms online seem like they love it and they wanna homeschool and they wanna nurse. And I... Speaking on behalf of people I've talked to, I don't feel that way.
Tessa:I feel like I'm unfulfilled and I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, and I feel like a shell of a person. So some of the other things that you could do, I feel like it's it's so important to be in community Mhmm. To have a tribe of moms who you can talk to and open up to, pray with, go to the park with them, talk about the stuff that you're in the trenches with, nap times, you know, sleep training, all the things. What are you doing? What are your kids doing?
Tessa:And just try to enjoy motherhood, but not make it your be all end all. Like, it's good to have hobbies. Yeah. It's good to have self care. It's very important to prioritize prioritize time with your husband
Carrie:Mhmm.
Tessa:And with your husband. Right? With
Carrie:Jesus. Mhmm.
Tessa:You need to prioritize time with God, and I wasn't doing that. I really feel like I put my family first and put God on the wayside. And I think what happens, I always, go back to this illustration, but if you picture yourself, like, standing in the tide in the ocean on the shoreline and you're kind of, you know, maybe you're waist deep in the water, if you just stand there, eventually the current is gonna pull you away. And you're gonna look up one day and be like, oh, how did I get here? Mhmm.
Tessa:And our Christian walk, we are supposed to be, like, walking toward God. Right? Pursuing him, seeking him against the current, against the culture, against the world, against all the troubles of this world, the cares of this world. And if we're not, we end up way over here, and we're looking up, and we're like, how did I get here? And it's because I wasn't pursuing God.
Tessa:I wasn't abiding in him. I wasn't anchored to him. Right? So I would say make God your first priority. Have a strong, solid community.
Tessa:Find someone to talk to. If you don't have a community, get a therapist, a mentor at church, a spiritual mama. Open up to your husband if you can, your sisters, a cousin. Find someone to say, I'm struggling. I don't know who I am right now.
Tessa:I don't recognize myself or I think I'm struggling with postpartum depression. I think a lot of moms in that camp can isolate and you really need someone to talk to even if it's not a friend group. Like maybe you're not in a place where you can do that yet and outing seems unbearable to you and too much and overwhelming. Go to find someone you can talk to, a safe person, even a pastor. And I think exercise is important.
Carrie:It's really good for mental health.
Tessa:Yes. Asking for help. If you're like, I need to get to the gym once a week for my sanity to get my stress out and just feel like I'm empowered and strong and healthy, figure out help once a week, childcare once a week. I think doing solo date night, girls night, whatever you need to do without your kids to feel like, okay, I'm a person outside of my children Yeah.
Carrie:We've been in a very specific couple of weeks where we have just a lot going on with my husband's work. His schedule's kinda crazy right now. Yeah. And, I'm home with the toddler. We share a car right now.
Carrie:So when he's gone, I'm house trapped.
Tessa:Yes.
Carrie:My sister lives here. My other... My sister-in-law is currently staying with us. So we have, like, all this family going on in and out, chaos. And they're all...
Carrie:It's just been like really specific where they all have cars and they're all coming and going in their own... Like my husband and my... Both my sister and my sister-in-law, they're all like, okay, bye. Off to work. Off to this.
Carrie:Off to that. I'm just... Yeah. And I don't have a car and I'm sitting here with my son. And it's been actually really interesting for me the last couple weeks to wrestle with.
Carrie:I'd like to say that my identity is healthy as a mom. I enjoy it. I do know that it's not everything, but I know that it's the most important ministry that God has given me. Yes. And so that's a balance.
Carrie:And and I can wrestle on both sides of what we kinda talked about on different days. But it has been really convicting and interesting lately as they all leave because I'm not gonna lie. My first thought is a little bit of bitterness. They'll leave and I'm like, must be nice. They're all off to the gym to do my workout class and then head to head to work.
Carrie:See you later. And I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna get a workout today and I'm not gonna... And my husband absolutely so helpful when he can be. But it's just been a busy season. It's like, there just hasn't been time for that for me.
Carrie:And I've been wrestling with like... And it's been good because we talked about those hard moments are when we have an opportunity to lean in. And if we never need Him, we don't grow closer to Him. And so He uses these times if we're willing. I was just finding myself doing dishes the other day, being like, Okay, Lord, I don't think I actually am bitter.
Carrie:I think that's a piece of me that almost feels like I should be. Or it's the first thought, but it's not the deepest thought.
Tessa:Yeah. That's good.
Carrie:And I think the deeper thing is gratitude because the fact is I get to do this. I'm so thankful. And my sweet sister and sister-in-law wanna have kids one day and do the same thing, you know? Yes. And it's just a different phase of life.
Carrie:But... And I think what
Tessa:you said is so important because you're in a season right now and I think the Lord knows that. When you are in those early days, sleepless nights, don't have a car, has been working overtime, There are single moms out there.
Carrie:My gosh.
Tessa:Bless looks different based on the season you're in. I think it is so important to say God knows the season you're in and there is so much grace for the season that we're in. And I do want to circle back to to what we were talking about where you just said, like, it is your first ministry. Mhmm. Being a mom is the highest calling.
Tessa:Like, you are raising up the next generation of disciples. Mhmm. You are discipling them now. You are witnessing to them now. You get to have the authority over their life and speak into their life and model for them what it looks like to follow God.
Tessa:You get to show them that. That is the most important job that we could ever have in the entire world. In the entire world. And it is such a blessing that should fill us with so much gratitude even if it's hard. Even if part of you, like you said, a different part of you, not the deepest part of you, but a different part of you is like, oh I miss being able to just jump in the car and go
Carrie:to Nice to go to the gym. Yeah.
Tessa:And I miss the autonomy and I miss being able to go get a coffee date with a friend. That season will come. Yeah. Like that season will come. That's okay that I'm not in it now.
Tessa:Lord help me through those emotions, the waves that come to stay in a place of gratitude. So I love that you said that because gratitude, I feel like keeps our heart in a posture of like, Lord, I'm surrendered. I'm thankful for where I'm at even if it's different than I thought, even if I have hard days, even if I don't have a car right now, we're gonna make the best of it. Yeah. And it's going to be good.
Carrie:And probably we're gonna look back and be like, remember when we had one and we had one car and
Tessa:we had
Carrie:one kid and it was so sweet and simple and we tend to appreciate those things when they're gone. It's what we're really trying to
Tessa:make probably the most forced of you to slow down and just appreciate being with Him and not rushing to and from because you can.
Carrie:This sounds really silly, but I'm sure there are lot of moms that I know a lot of people that share a car with their husband that are stay at home moms. It physically, people always say, Hey, Jesus only walked. And it's like, we only walked. Yes. I love that.
Carrie:It's kind of sweet. Love Our day is the park or I can walk to the grocery store. I can do a few things with him in this area. There it is. And it's actually, it's kind of cool.
Tessa:And lot of moms are doing that even with a car where they're like, that's what we do. We go to the grocery
Carrie:store, Yeah, go to exactly. And then we're driving there and then they come back and nap. Exactly. Yeah. That's sweet.
Carrie:That's so awesome. Okay. So what else would you like to say about this study before I ask you my final question? Because I I feel like we, it's just it related to so much of what we talked about naturally, but I didn't get to actually ask you, like, if you wanna share more of your heart behind it or what, you know, what it's exactly about, like, what would you like women to know? Because I want them to get this study.
Tessa:Yeah. I feel like we covered a lot of what it encompasses, but just to kind of give you an overview, the first couple weeks is really laying the foundation of identifying what have I believed my whole life. Like, what are my beliefs? Who am I? What is my identity?
Tessa:When I meet someone, what do I tell them? Mhmm. What are the deep core beliefs that I would never want someone to hear? So you're kind of going through that process and then you're learning the truth of what God says and I really try to lay the foundation of scripture and where our identity was fractured in the fall of man and how Jesus redeemed that and what we inherit through Jesus and what that really looks like. But what I really wanna share is that God took me through such a refining season writing this.
Tessa:I had a moment with him when I was in worship where I was listening to the song, the goodness of God. Everybody knows that song. All my life, you've been faithful. All my life, you've been so, so good. But there's this lyric that says, I've known you as a...
Tessa:I'm not gonna sing. Let's be real.
Carrie:You could. You
Tessa:could. I will not be...
Carrie:My husband sings. I do not. I've known you as a father. I've known you as a friend.
Tessa:We're just gonna say
Carrie:it like that. Say it. It's beautiful as is. It's a beautiful poem. I've known you as
Tessa:a father. I've known you as a friend. And it was like, gut check, spirit check. I sat there and I was like, I don't know that I've really known god as Abba, which means daddy. It's like this word of intimacy in scripture.
Tessa:Daddy, father. Because I have always seen god as, like, almighty, lord, king, sovereign, powerful, majestic, savior, but daddy. Mhmm. To think of the way that God sees me as his little daughter, the way I see my daughter, the way I wanna care for her and protect her, provide for her, sit with her, and listen to every little silly thought she has and just delight in her. I knew that about god, but I didn't really let that sink deep into my heart that, like, you're my daddy.
Tessa:Like, that is such an important revelation that god gave me, and that was at the, like, tail end of me writing this. And I love that, like, each chapter that I wrote... We can call them chapters, but they're weeks. Mhmm. Each week that I wrote, God was taking me on this journey of, like, revelation after revelation of what he wanted me to know, but also for the reader.
Tessa:But it was really this peeling back even more of... You talked about how sometimes those lies slip back up and you're like, oh, didn't even recognize that the world was speaking into by six months postpartum, I'm supposed to look like x y z and fit into my pants. There's a lot that we have been influenced by that we don't even recognize. So allowing him to just minister to my heart and teach me what needed to be included. And part of that was knowing God as father so that you could really understand what it means to be daughter.
Tessa:You are daughter of the most high king. And I think in the church, we hear the words new creation in Christ, born again, you know, daughter, made in the image of God, child of God, and we say it, but what does that really mean to our heart? Are we living in light of that? Because I don't think we can actually live in light of it and carry the authority and the confidence of who we are in Christ if we don't fully understand and believe what God says is true and really have the revelation of it. It's like an experience of getting it and grasping it.
Tessa:And God gave me these beautiful image that I... Images that I write about in the book that really helped me to visually, like, encounter God in that way as father. And it was just so beautiful. So I would say my biggest takeaway is that, and I hope that at the heart of this book, you get to encounter God as father and really step into, I am a daughter of God, and let that, like, free you from bondage Yeah. Free you from the lies you've believed, free you to go and do what God has called you to do.
Tessa:Like, we have all been given gifts. We all have the characteristics of Christ, of God, and or we're made in his image and you are his masterpiece, but, like, what does that actually look like in your life? You know? Yeah. So that would be what I would what I would say is just like I got to experience and encounter God as father.
Tessa:I had another... I'll share this quick story. My husband writes Christian music, and we were at this little singing thing, and there was another artist there. And when she was singing, the Holy Spirit just put on my heart, she shares your same story. You are going to go pray over her.
Tessa:And I was like, okay. And I don't know this woman. So I'm like, I can't just walk up to someone and be like, have an eating disorder. Yeah. You know, I'm
Carrie:not I'm not gonna do that.
Tessa:But I was like, Lord, you gotta provide me the opportunity. Well, at the end of the event, it was kind of like people were rushing to and fro. My kids were there. We had family and friends there coming to watch my husband. And everyone was saying goodbye and they asked me to walk them out.
Tessa:So I left and I was outside. And then one of my kids was still inside, ran out to come and get me and was like, come back in. Dad's friend needs to talk to you. So I go back in, and it's the guy who puts the event on, and he's telling me this whole story. And I don't even remember all the details, but, basically, he was like, you're gonna pray over them.
Tessa:And she... It was her and her husband. It was the girl that God told me I was gonna pray over. So God literally called me out and was like, you are gonna pray I over am confirming it, and you're not getting away with it. Wow.
Tessa:It... I was like... It put a holy fire in me, like a boldness, because it was such confirmation. Like, okay. He really is calling me to pray over her.
Tessa:They had been in a car accident and needed funds for it, and I don't know why this man asked me to pray, but I just knew that God was like, okay. You're gonna pray for their car, but I want you to also speak truth over her.
Carrie:Mhmm.
Tessa:The second that I speaking truth, and I didn't call her out in front of anybody with her struggles. Mhmm. Yeah. I just spoke who she is to God. I felt like the overwhelming presence of God and the love of the father.
Tessa:I was hugging her. She, like, melted into my arms, which was another confirmation that everything I was saying she needed to hear. And it was, like, for the first time in my life, I felt the tangible love of God, overwhelming love of God in a tangible way. It was like a supernatural experience of like, he was showing me his love for her, but I also got to encounter it for all of us. Mhmm.
Tessa:Like, this is how much you love me. And it was like the words I was saying while praying were his words. And it was just the most beautiful moment, and I write about that in there too. But I don't... I felt prompted to share that that, like, God's love is so good.
Tessa:He loves his daughter so much and the enemy does not want us to know that. He wants us to be looking in all the wrong places. Scrolling. Scrolling. Seeking it externally, seeking our appearance, in temporary things, Because bleeding we waste our life doing it.
Tessa:When we look for our identity and our meaning and our worth in all these other things and our striving and our success, climbing the corporate ladder, trying to earn a title, whatever it might be, validation from people, right, it's all fleeting, it's all meaningless, all of it's temporary, and all of it's distraction to keep you from walking in who God's actually called you to be. Mhmm. Because that's where freedom is and that's where that authority and confidence comes from. So I am just so excited because I feel like I could do this study multiple times a year because we forget. We do.
Carrie:And we just talked about
Tessa:this. Yeah.
Carrie:We we forget. We need to keep these keep these truths coming. Yes. And I actually think this is such a great... Like, truly, I'm not just saying this because my show is called New Mom.
Carrie:I think this is such a good study for new moms because even when you're talking about the love of the father and just our identity, who we really are, my husband and I really felt like we got a whole new taste of that when we became parents. Yeah. Oh, wait, you're telling me that He who made me loves me more Yeah. Than this And so think it's really good for us as moms to like, let's let's review and like, let's get rid of these lies and let's really comprehend the love of the father Yeah. And who we really are in him because we have the most ability that we've ever had to comprehend it.
Carrie:You know, being a parent is not... Like you said, it God loves us more, which is hard to fathom. But I just think it's a really good time to, like, really dive into who our identity is as we wanna pour that into our kids.
Tessa:Well, and I think too that, you know, we talked about the lies that are spoken over us as kids, but it can also be modeled and not spoken. And so you can learn all the wrong things about how to find your worth and your identity from your parents modeling the wrong thing.
Carrie:Mhmm.
Tessa:Right? They're pursuing all these other things and you're watching it as a child learning, Oh I guess that's how I find my worth and my value. And so I think also because being a mom or a parent in general is the highest calling and it is holy work, it is so important for us to be walking that out in a healthy way because we are witnessing to our kids So true. What it looks like to be anchored in Christ and to know who we are in Christ. That's how we teach our kids and it's also how they witness it.
Carrie:I was just gonna say because we know we know as we were kids, you you... What you just said is so true. Yeah. We pick up what we see.
Tessa:Caught my
Carrie:You can tell us something. Yeah.
Tessa:You can
Carrie:you can tell me, but are you are you living it out? Yes. And that's why... Circling back, that's why I think your story with your son is beautiful. Because you're like, we're actually gonna we're actually gonna believe this.
Carrie:You know? Our team believes god forbid. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Carrie:Final question that I love to ask. What is your best piece of advice for a new mom?
Tessa:You know, I actually... I used to have a little mom blog Did you? Back in the day. Yeah. Because I've always loved to write.
Tessa:And I was scrolling through it because I wanted to remember those early years. Mhmm. And I came upon a post and I felt like it was the Lord confirming that this is what I was supposed to talk about because it's originally what my first thought was of
Carrie:just
Tessa:being so nervous that I was gonna mess it up. I think being a therapist, I get to sit with all these young women and young girls and teen girls and hear the brokenness. I was so scared of not being the perfect mom and not having all the answers and messing my kid up forever. You know? Like, I'm gonna do something wrong.
Tessa:I think I would say my best piece of advice is rest in the grace of God and the fact that he chose you to be this little kid's mom for such a time as this. And he chose you knowing all of your flaws, all of your struggles, all your areas of vulnerability, all of your history in your past, your trauma, everything you've ever been through, all the things you think about yourself, he still chose you and he is going to equip you for the job. And you're not gonna do it perfectly, but there's so much grace and that ultimately we're not in control. He is. And he uses everything, everything, and he puts it all together for our good.
Tessa:Right? He works it all together for our good. So I think I would just say, give yourself some grace, girl, and know that you are who God chose for this sweet son or this sweet daughter, and what you're doing is enough, and it's amazing, and God's gonna use it all, and he's gonna protect them from the hard parts and teach them and train them up. But you don't have to be perfect, and you don't have to carry the burden of what if I mess them up because God entrusted them to you. And we are co laborers with Christ.
Tessa:I still need it, but I really needed it as a first time mom.
Carrie:Mhmm.
Tessa:Just the the weight that I felt like I was carrying of being responsible for this little person's life. And then god quickly reminded me, like, I really am responsible. You
Carrie:are a test. What a relief.
Tessa:What a
Carrie:relief for all of us. Yes. It's like, this is God's. This is God's gig. My mentor always says that.
Carrie:She's like, this is God's gig. It's not
Tessa:your gig.
Carrie:It's not your gig. He's their child. Mhmm.
Tessa:And he's got them. And he's gonna use it all.
Carrie:Yeah. Gosh. This is so good. I just... I loved this conversation.
Carrie:Thank you for coming on. Like, this was... I literally forgot we were we were rolling. I'm just like, I'm I'm just loving talking to you. Like, we need to get a coffee.
Carrie:I really... I love this. You're so great, Tessa. And I'm... Congratulations on the study.
Carrie:Thank you. And we'll link it in the show notes. I know it comes out October 26. Great.
Tessa:I have a live virtual launch at 12:00 central time 10AM Pacific Standard Time. You are welcome to join. There'll be
Carrie:a link But on my
Tessa:if not, can buy it after 12:00 central time on Monday, October 26. It be on Amazon, all online retail stores like Barnes and Noble. I'd love for you to follow me on Instagram. I think my handle is tessa armchairman.
Carrie:Yeah. And I'll link you in the show notes. Yes. Give Tessa a follow-up. Yeah.
Carrie:You've got great... And I think I also... I like your page as just a family page. You know what I mean? You share your life, you share your marriage, you share your kids.
Tessa:Very life style,
Carrie:like, what's happening. Mhmm. Yeah. It's beautiful. Okay.
Carrie:Well, this was so great. Thank you so much, Tessa.
Tessa:For having me. Would you mind if I close this in prayer? Please. Is that okay?
Carrie:Yeah. I would I would absolutely love that. Please pray for us.
Tessa:Lord, we thank you for this special time together. I thank you for your presence here, Lord. I thank you for your spirit and for speaking through both of us. We both have held this with open hands, God, and we thank you for this conversation. I pray that it would go out and be a blessing to every single person that is listening and under the sound of your voice, Lord, because it really is your voice speaking.
Tessa:I pray that this would minister to their hearts and be a balm to them, God, that they would just feel peace and rest and assurance in who you've created them to be. And I just pray, God, that if any of these women do pick up this study, that you would speak to them, that you would go on a journey with them for six weeks of uncovering and discovering who they are in Christ, of breaking free from every lie of the enemy, and learning who you say they are, the truth of your word and every promise of scripture. We love you, Lord. I pray a blessing over this podcast. I pray that you would just have your hand on it and bring favor over it, God, that you'd bless Carrie and her husband for following you and being obedient to you.
Tessa:And I just thank you for all the women that this podcast ministers to and their families. Would you go and We bless them as well, pray this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. Amen.