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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. This is Zach Garza, and I am with Chad Higgins. Chad, say hi.
Chad:Hey, man. How's it going?
Zach:Oh, Chad, it's just going dandy today. So so good to have you here on on our podcast. Thanks a lot for making time.
Chad:Yeah, man. Thank you so much for for for allowing me to be on here. This is this is gonna be fun, and I I love talking about this subject matter.
Zach:And so Chad is the senior manager of equipping churches for LifeWay, and he does an awesome job there. But, Chad, why don't you just start out just by telling us just a tad bit about who you are, your family, your job Yeah. All of that good stuff.
Chad:Yeah. So my name's Chad Higgins. I I live in Stillwater, Oklahoma. So if if you're familiar with Oklahoma at all, we're kind of in the middle of nowhere, but we are a university town here. But I do I work for LifeWay Christian Resources.
Chad:And so I have one of the best jobs ever there. And so I work on an amazing team, of trainers and specialists, who really work alongside churches and, get to be kind of thought leaders in that space of, in each of the ministry areas of trying to just equip and walk alongside the church and helping them, just continue to make disciples that make disciples. Previously, my work was primarily in the parent ministry space. That's kind of where I first came to LifeWay and really trying to help, churches build better parent ministries, that as we looked across kind of a landscape of churches, many churches were asking the question of, man, how do we equip parents better? And so LifeWay as a publishing arm of the Southern Baptist Convention really wanted to partner in that effort and say, hey, how can we create some resources that help churches do that more effectively?
Chad:And so we've been working on that. And so yeah, man, I love what I get to do of just getting to really mentor people that are mentoring others. And so it's been a beautiful process. And I feel like God is continuing to shape me in that process. And so I'm very humbled to get to do what I get to do.
Chad:So I have an amazing wife. Her name is Martha. She's in the mental health field. We have a beautiful daughter named Malia. So things are good, man.
Chad:Things are good.
Zach:That's awesome, Chad. Hey. So tell me how all of this started. Like, tell me how you got impassioned with parents and with kids and with trying to help parents build relationships with their kiddos and all of that good stuff.
Chad:Dude, that's a that's a really interesting kinda god story. So I'll take you a long way there. So my best friend was another minister in Oklahoma at the time named Zach Workin. He lived about an hour and a half away from me. And we were asked to partner with Oklahoma Baptist Convention.
Chad:At the time, they were trying to rekindle a lot of their small group ministries around the state of Oklahoma. And so they asked Zach and I basically to, to go around the state and help train youth pastors and how to have better small groups, discipleship type ministry for students. So we began to do that. And, they were we were getting sent to like small rural town Oklahoma to do these like weekend trainings. And man, it was the same story after the same story of meeting with bi vocational or small town youth ministers.
Chad:And they were like, man, that's great information of how to recruit better leaders, all that kind of stuff. They're like, dude, we're alone, you know? And like, I feel burnout. I feel tired, all of these kind of things. And it felt very much like, you know, the book of James where it's like, you know, stay well dressed and well fed.
Chad:See you later, you know? And like, you leave. And I was like, man, I just feel like we are trying to like fix the symptoms of a deeper problem. And so I called Zach and I was like, dude, let's go have coffee. And I was like, man, tell me about your experience.
Chad:What are you hearing from these guys? It was the same thing on the trainings that he was doing. And I was like, man, I just feel like, I was like, if we're just talking about best practices to these leaders, and we're not addressing like, their own like spiritual well-being, just their own like family care, those type of things, they're just gonna burn out. You know what I mean? Like, and so I was like, what do we do?
Chad:And so we didn't know what to do. This would have been, God, this would have been almost ten years ago that this happened. And so we were like, well, let's, we'll start, we'll start a podcast. We can at least hopefully be an encouragement every week. So that's where we started.
Chad:And really, we didn't even market it. It was just gonna be this thing where it was like, hey, every Wednesday night at 09:00, we're gonna drop another episode. And all we were talking about at that time was like, what is God doing in your own heart? So we were we were talking about episodes like, hey. You didn't have as many kids show up tonight as you hoped with.
Chad:How does that make you feel? And why do you feel that way? Right? Like, why why do you feel like a failure because of that? Or you know what I mean?
Chad:Like, those type of internal things that many ministers feel based off of the response of the students. Like that kid was a jerk tonight. Like, how did you respond and why did you respond that way? Right? And so those were some of the things that we begin to talk about.
Chad:And then I'll be honest, I don't know if it was legal or not, but we, I had a zoom account at the time. And so we just started hosting like Zoom meetings of just those guys every week of just like having some community. Out of that started a organization that eventually became Youth Ministry Booster to where we just started trying to connect ministers with other ministers, around the country. And we so we just basic we basically started a small group ministry for youth pastors. And so we would just assign one of them to be the group leader.
Chad:Here are the six questions that we want you to check-in on each other every month. And so that that started Youth Ministry Booster. End of twenty eighteen, LifeWay kinda saw what we were doing, and they said, hey. We've been trying to start a youth ministry network. You guys are ahead of us in that let's partner.
Chad:And so, we kind of became part of the LifeWay ecosystem at that point in 2018. And then into 2019, I was still a, at that time, was a campus pastor of a church in Oklahoma City. And, so we were doing student ministry training on the side and still working at the church and then COVID hit. Our church, you know, went to this kind of hybrid model online, that feels like so long ago, but it really wasn't. Right.
Chad:And families, if you remember early pandemic when some churches shut down, there was there was this, like, few months where parents were going, hey, it's Sunday, we still wanna go to church. Our kids are now in the room. Like, what are do we have that conversation with them? And so, our director of students at the time turned to me and was like, hey, we we need something. And and so I just started creating these, like, page guides for for moms and dads to basically have a faith based conversation at home with their kids.
Chad:And so that kind of started some parent ministry focused stuff there. And so we were utilizing it in our own church and, and then LifeWay started providing it, we started providing it to for all the youth pastors, and youth ministry booster, and just said, hey, send this out to your parents. A lot of parent ministry resources at that time, I felt like were kind of bottom up on mentoring or discipleship, whereas like, you know, hey, here's what your kid learned. You know what I mean? On Sunday morning or on Wednesday night, try to have a conversation.
Chad:That doesn't feel like that puts mom and dad. If mom and dad is involved in the church, it doesn't really put them in the driver's seat because they're a little bit on their back foot. It's like, oh, I think I kind of remember that story. And so we wanted to kind of come at it of going, hey, we got to help mom and dad be in the word and then just having a conversation because I don't think it has to be this, like, groundbreaking thing. I think sometimes it's just like, you know, I was I was reading in first Peter, it says this, what are your thoughts?
Chad:You know? Because a lot of the statistics would show that even more than what mom and dad says, mom and dad's actions are are are a big indicator of of even kids' faith. And so if we can help mom and dad be in the word, learning to pray and modeling that in the home, that gives that gives the kid a huge advantage just in in life in general and and their understanding of what faith looks like as an adult.
Zach:And, like, I think that right there, Chad, is why I wanted to have, you guys on our podcast is because we all know as mentors, the most important person in this kid's life is mom or dad or their aunt. And if you can get them on the same team as you and if you guys can work together, that's gonna not only two x, but that's gonna 10 x your impact as a mentor. And so parents or the guardians, whoever the kid is staying with, who whoever is speaking into their life, if we can get them on board as well, then we can really make sure that that mentee has the best chance of following Jesus as possible. And not only that, from time to time, you know, how how amazing would it be if the kid doesn't just start to follow Jesus, but so does his aunt, and so does his cousin, and so does his mom. Right?
Zach:And so, like, the more that we can partner with parents, the better. 100% time and time and time again.
Chad:Well, I'm I'm product of that. Like, I saw my dad come to know the Lord as a young kid. Like, you know, we grew up in Southern Oklahoma in the middle of nowhere. And, you know, I remember this, like, old old skeleton of a dude start coming around to our house. You know, back when you're a little kid, you can't really judge ages too well.
Chad:So, you know, I thought the guy was like 119. I'm sure if I went back in time, he was probably like 43 years old. And so, but I just remember this old guy coming around and hanging out with my dad and helping my dad work on, you know, our car that was always broken down out front. And, and then one day, like, it was like, hey, we're gonna go to this church. And my mom and dad got us dressed up.
Chad:And I'm like, we're to take pictures? Like, what are we doing? You know? And, we went into this like old dusty church and literally, you know how they give those moments where like, you're like, I can still smell that place. You know what I mean?
Chad:Like, just that old Baptist church. And, and then I wa I remember, I don't remember what the guy talked about. But you know, that same guy that was hanging around our house is now up there speaking. And then I remember feeling my dad, like squeeze my knee and then stand up and like walk down this aisle. And then the very next week, like I get to see him like swim in that small pool, you know, in the wall.
Chad:And that's, that's cool as a little kid. Right. And you're like, what is all this about? But more than anything, like I saw transformation in my dad's life, and that was impactful. And you know, that, that guy invested in my dad.
Chad:And, and so it was a huge piece of my own testimony.
Zach:And so, like, I had an opportunity to start a not for profit up in Dallas and things were going great whenever we were just spending time with kiddos.
Chad:Mhmm.
Zach:But as soon as we started to invest into the single moms, I mean, we saw exponential growth.
Chad:Right.
Zach:Because I just believe that the Lord he's a father to the fatherless. He's a he's a he defends the widow. He sets the lonely in family, and God's all about family. And so, yeah. So just like, as a mentor, the more we can engage, the more we can invest into the family, the better.
Zach:But, man, I wanna hear about this book that you guys wrote.
Chad:Yeah. So the the book was in partnership with our research division, at LifeWay. And so have you ever heard the phrase uttered in church? Like parents are the primary disciplers of a teenager. You've heard that phrase.
Chad:Right? And I agree with that phrase. And statistics would show that more and more parents are agreeing with that phrase if you're a church going family. My question though is, are we speaking the same language? Because I had the assumption that, not just parent ministry in general, I think discipleship as a whole across the church.
Chad:I think I think inside the church, we've gotten really comfortable of using language that we assume everyone's in agreement and on the same page. And I think we have a thousand different definitions if that's too small of a number. And I think discipleship, mentoring is even maybe one of those. The gospel, evangelism, like name any of these Christian buzzwords. And I think everybody's like, yeah, we like those words because we've become really accustomed to hearing them.
Chad:And we know we're supposed to say amen afterwards. But then when you get down like the lower level and you go, okay, well, does that actually look like in the home or in our small groups or in our mentoring groups? Then we've got a ton of different expectations. So the research, we researched 1,000 parents of teenagers and 1,000 youth workers. And we asked a bunch of different questions as far as, what are your primary focuses for your teenager?
Chad:What is discipleship? What does it actually look like in your home? What do you think the expectation that your pastor has for you as a parent discipling your teenager? And then vice versa, like, what's actually working that the church is doing? Do you want to partner with them?
Chad:How are we, you know, what does partnership even look like? All of those kinds of things. And so we wanted to write a book, one to reveal some of that data, but then also to really help churches develop a plan of partnering with parents in a more effective way. I believe that I think sometimes the church falls in the pattern of trying to scale things and in trying to scale it, we miss opportunities to actually like mentor or shepherd our people. Everything becomes very like programmatic for the masses instead of individualistic and relationally.
Chad:And I think that I think the gospel moves at the speed of relationship. And so, I think even when we think about parent ministry, I think for the youth worker or the pastor, I think we've got to talk to individual parents more and more, instead of just trying to build a one size fits all program, and hopes that it works. And so as we looked at a lot of that data, parents and youth ministers said, Hey, we want to partner with each other. But the expectation is all across the board. So even when asked like for parents, like, what do you think your church expects from you when they say that you're the primary discipler?
Chad:The the highest one on that list was that we pray with our kids, but that was only at about 50%. When it came to even things like teaching or living out biblical principles, those things were all the way down at 30%. So across the board, there's no real consensus that we would say this is what we want. But when asked of the youth minister, like, what are you expecting of parents? They believe that their expectation is very clear of what they're hoping parents do.
Chad:So there's a lack of communication. So the title, which is a horrible title for a parent book, define the relationship. But it's really, I think what we need to do is to have this conversation between church leaders and their parents of going, hey, what do you need from me? And how can we really help you at where you're at as a family, mentor your kid? And I think for a lot of churches, most churches in the country are not these big mega churches.
Chad:The vast majority of them, most youth ministers can have individual conversations with every one of their kids and every one of their parents over a given year of time. Even if you're a larger ministry, systematically, you're able to do that. And so, I think we've got to get into some of that practice and realize that some of the work that we do is slow work, but it's powerful.
Zach:So here on our podcast, we talk a ton about how to build trust. Right? Yeah. And so tell me what some of the best ways to try to try to earn the the faith of these parents? How can you start to build trust with them, especially if they might come from a background where the people in the past have kind of said that they will help them and they haven't.
Zach:Right?
Chad:Yeah, that's a good question. I don't want to skip over any steps, but I think the first place that we start, it may sound dumb, but I've just seen it too many times done poorly. Is to know the name. Like that may feel like, well, the right. But I think sometimes when we're focused on the kid or the student, it's just like, well, that James's mom, you know what I mean?
Chad:Well, before there was a James, there was a mom, you know what I mean? And before she was a mom, it was Sarah. And I think in building trust, we've got to start there of actually starting to just get to know the person. Before the ask, before the expectation, before any of those kinds of things, it's, hey, tell me about you. I think people know when you're genuinely interested in them as a human being and not just your own motive.
Chad:Even if it's a good motive, hey, I wanna I wanna invest in your in your kid, because I care about them. And so I think being genuinely, genuinely knowing them, I think being people of our word, right? If they, if we tell them that we're going to do something, we're going to be somewhere, those type of things that we work as hard as we can to do that, that we communicate, well, I think in that. I think anytime we're talking about dealing with somebody's kids that we're very upfront and we're very honest and we let them know of safety, right? I think as we talk about mentoring people that come from hard homes, oftentimes that kid's not the first one in their line of family to come from hard homes.
Chad:And so I think that we need to make sure that parents know that, we're safe and trustworthy as well from the beginning. And to be willing and able to over communicate that of just like, hey, here's the boundaries that we have in place of making sure that as I'm connecting to your kid that we're in safe spaces, those type of things that everybody's on board with. I think that those are good mechanisms to build trust, with families when we're talking about mentoring their teenager or their kid.
Zach:I think that there's so much power in just the simple things, right? Like if you go over to the house to pick up the kid, get out of the car and go shake the hand of mom, right? Ask her about her job, know the names of her other kids. Just like just showing up and saying, hi. How's it going?
Zach:Right? Like, especially especially for some of our families, like, they're so busy. They have to work and then they gotta pick up their kid. They gotta pick up this other kid, then they've gotta make dinner and they're a single parent and this and this and this. Like, your conversation might be the only conversation that they've had, like, all week with an adult.
Zach:And that could be really powerful.
Chad:And I think it's important to remind, people are listening, like it's not just the time that you spend with the student that you're mentoring them. Like your interaction with their parents is also teaching that kid what healthy adult interaction looks like, right? Because they may not always see that, right? There may be other adults that enter into that home that talk to their mom or talk to their dad in a very different way, a very different tone, different respect level, all of those kinds of things that may bring tension up, all those type of things. And so I think us modeling in the same way that you would want those interactions.
Chad:So I love that, man. Shaking hands, making eye contact, all of those type of things that we're teaching, you're modeling that in those relationships with the people that they care with, they care for. So it's good.
Zach:And like, I would love to cast a vision for mentors, right? Like, you signed up to MentorKit, but you also have an opportunity to be Jesus to these parents, to be Jesus to the And I know for me, like, there was someone who mentored with us and they went out of their way to say, hey. Like, how can my family build a relationship with this family? And it's like, hey. You guys come over and eat at our house once a month.
Zach:Like, that's an easy win. Hey. Is there a time whenever I can help you, take your son to soccer practice? Or can I, you know, do that? And so maybe, something that we should ask ourselves is how can we not only partner with parents, but how can we make their life easier?
Zach:Right? And like, you never know what your kindness and what your support will do in regards to trying to turn the parents' heart, only turn them, like, our way, but the way of Jesus. Right?
Chad:Yeah. Well, the mentoring and discipling is never in a vacuum. Right? Like, it's it you can't. Like, if if you think you can mentor for, like and and and the interaction may be a set time.
Chad:Right? Like, it's like, I'm gonna mentor for an hour on Wednesday or whatever it looks like. It, it has rippling effects. And so like, there's gonna be effects of that to, to the family just in general, hopefully positive. Right.
Chad:But then also for the person that is a mentor. I think we all know the game here. Like that, I mean, God uses these type of relationships, not only for the person that is the mentor, but the person being the mentor is also effective. I mean, man, God works in my own heart and shapes me anytime I try to teach something. I once heard David Platt talk about it in this way that anytime you start to try to teach somebody to pray, you actually start to learn to pray yourself, right?
Chad:Because you have to be you become self reflective of going, well, how do I do this? And why do I do it this way? And all of these types of things. And so I think it is tied up together. And so I think as we think about mentoring a kid, I think their parents are gonna come naturally, or grandparents, or the realization that that may not even be present.
Chad:And so what is now this new relationship look like?
Zach:Yeah, Chad. So, like, why don't you tell me how you handle parents who aren't interested in faith? Well,
Chad:I I think that if they're not interested in faith, I I think that there that could be multiple do multiple things. I've met a lot of parents that first interaction, they'll even tell you that, right? Like, oh, it's not, not for me. Right? I think Jesus does something to somebody's heart when they start to see transformation in the people that are close to them that they love.
Chad:I think he just does. When you're a parent and your kid starts to make positive changes in their life and they start to point to their own relationship with Jesus, for some parents faith then stops being just this like academic pursuit. And it starts to become very real. Right? It's really hard to, argue against life change.
Chad:Faithfulness also just does that even if there's not this massive amount of fruit. I mean, you have somebody who is led by the Holy Spirit showing up consistently to love and care for your kid and build trust that you respect, even if you don't understand why they wanna do it. That's a pretty loud testimony that you don't have to get in the game of, you know, well, let me show you. And you know what I mean? Like, here's why I believe, you know, like the proof's in the pudding.
Chad:Yeah. We wanna have those conversations, and I wanna be open and tell you why I believe what I believe. And I think when that door is open, as a mentor, take the opportunity to share the gospel and don't be, don't shrink back from that opportunity. But,
Zach:man,
Chad:you love someone's kid well, it speaks volumes. And I think for a lot of people, they may not believe for multitude of reasons. The vast majority of them that are in opposition to it often have hurt tied to somebody not doing what they said they would do in the name of Jesus. And so showing that consistency in something different, can heal a lot of wounds.
Zach:I don't think that there's any better gift that someone could give me than to love my kid well.
Chad:Oh yeah. Cause it's the, mean, I know for me as a dad, like it's the, like it's the most precious thing that I have. Right? Like, everything else could fade away. And like my kid and my wife, that's, that's it.
Chad:And so somebody else that would partner with me in that, like, I want to know why, You know what I mean? And and I want some of it. So sure. And just
Zach:what an amazing opportunity for us as mentors to not only get to invest into the life of these kids, but also tangibly show their parents what the love of, you know, the love of Jesus Christ looks like and what it feels like that unconditional, that pursuit, that acceptance, that I am gonna keep showing up time and time and time again, and I'm just gonna love you no matter what.
Chad:That's a really, really powerful thing. In I mean, in that the gospel of Jesus. Right? I mean, it is the story of the Bible. It is the story specifically Old Testament.
Chad:I mean, you got people that are on fire for God and then they turn to their waking ways. And then over and over again. And he continues to be faithful, faithful, faithful, faithful, no matter what throughout the story. And then we see Jesus come onto the scene that, you know, reveals to us our unfaithfulness, but he is faithful. And he imputes his righteousness to us.
Chad:And it's this beautiful gift of the gospel that costs absolutely everything, it's every but it is absolutely free for us. And, man, I think that as a mentor and as somebody like that is hopefully the life that we that we live for them that, we're faithful, over and over in their students life. And then when we're not, you know, we apologize and we ask for forgiveness and those things.
Zach:Yeah. So just like, as we kinda start to close-up, Chad, just a reminder to mentors that, like, showing up to these soccer games, showing up to all of the choir concerts, all of the band concerts, picking up your kid, taking him home, going and having discussions with the parents, with all of the guardians, and just knowing that every interaction you have, not just with the kid, but with their family, is just one more seed that all of us are tossing down that the Lord will, in his perfect timing, you know, toss on there some water and then let's see what happens. But just I I really want us as mentors to believe that God can do so much more every time that we show up to hang out with our kid. And you might not impact just the kid, but you might impact their generation and generations to come because of your faithfulness, because of your investment. Yeah.
Zach:And I just think that that's a really big deal. And it's an honor and it's a joy to sit back and to watch the Lord move like that.
Chad:The the early church was squabbling, at that time. You know, Paul would write these letters and, you know, come by every once in a while and speak. And, we we kinda see from the text, apparently, even though Paul was an unbelievable writer, he may not have been the best, like, verbal communicator. There was another guy, Paulos, that apparently was a very great communicator. So some of the early church was like, you know, they were going well, basically, our our mentor is Paul.
Chad:And some of them were like, well, our mentor is Apollos. And Paul writes back and and reminds the early church of the fact of, you know, you, you don't follow Paul and you don't follow Apollo's, it is Jesus Christ. And then he gives this beautiful analogy of planting and watering. He's like, planted the, seed and Apollo's water, but it is God who gives the growth. And I think it's a good reminder for all of us as disciples or mentors, that sometimes in this mentor relationship, you don't always get to see the big fruit tree, the end result.
Chad:And there's work that some of us will do, where you just feel like, man, you're the same kid. You are faithful, and you were showing up. And you're like, you don't feel like you're getting somewhere, and then the next guy that mentors them shows up one time and takes them to McDonald's and like their life changes. And you're like, I said that exact same thing for four years, you know? And it but it's the reminder, I think, to all of us.
Chad:One, faithfulness is the goal, not always the outcome. And the big reminder is God is always working even if we don't see it. And that's one of the things that I always want to remind, youth workers that that we're connecting with that their faithfulness and what God's called them to do is between them and the Lord. But God is at work and and let's not be blind to that and thank him for that. Even when we don't see it to continue to thank him that he is active and he is working, in these families lives that we care so much about.
Zach:Amen, brother. I love it. Alright, Chad. So tell us how we can find out more about you. Tell us how we can find out about the book, all of that good stuff.
Chad:Yeah. So, I mean, you look me up on social media. I just chat Chad Higgins. So Facebook, any of those kind of things that that you wanna connect, with, the the books on anywhere where you can find books, lifeway.com, define the relationship. It's on Amazon.com as well, any of those type of places.
Chad:I show up every once in a while now on the youth ministry booster podcast, but there's some great stuff going on there, as well. And so, our team, we try to do many different things around the country, different trainings and all of that kind of stuff. And so, yeah, reach out, follow. If you ever wanna get ahold of me, chad.hickens@lifefully.com is my email address. And so those are some of the easy ways.
Zach:That's awesome, Chad. Thanks so much, man, for taking time out to teach us about how to invest into parents, how to become more impactful mentors, man. Very, very Awesome, man. For you.
Chad:Hey. Thank you so much.
Zach:Alright. Hey. Thanks so much for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Remember this, You Can Mentor.