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For over 25 years Proverbs 31 Ministries' mission has been to intersect God's Word in the real, hard places we all struggle with. That's why we started this podcast. Every episode will feature a variety of teachings from president Lysa TerKeurst, staff members or friends of the ministry who can teach you something valuable from their vantage point. We hope that regardless of your age, background or stage of life, it's something you look forward to listening to each month!
Note: Please note that the text below is an uncorrected transcript of the audio captured for this podcast. We pray the Lord uses these words to bless you as you seek Him!
Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Proverbs 31 podcast. This is where we share biblical truth for any girl in any season. I'm your host, Kendra LeGrand, and I'm with Jess Connelly. Hey, Jess.
How are you? I'm so good. I'm thrilled to be here. We're so excited to have you here, and I'm with my co host, Melissa Taylor. Hey, Melissa.
Hey, Kendra. Hey, Jess. Hi. Hi. And we're talking all about the book Breaking Free from Body Shame, which is our April Circle 31 book club pick.
And so great time to read it, and Jess, we're excited to hear more from you. Yes. And just like you said, Jess is the author of Breaking Free from Body Shame, which is our Circle 31 April book. And Jess, we are so excited and pumped to have you here today. We get to give our podcast listeners a sneak peek into the content of the book, and here's my hope.
If you're a Circle 31 member, then you're gonna get really excited after you hear Jess today. You're gonna be so excited. If you're not a Circle 31 member, I believe, Kendra, you're gonna agree with me, this is gonna make them wanna say I have to be a part of this. Oh, 100%. I wanna sign up because I do agree.
I can't wait for you all to hear more from Jess and to hear more about this book. And we chose Jess's book, because we found freedom in your book, Jess, and we actually I'm gonna give you guys a sneak peek. We recorded just like ten minutes ago a round table of four women sharing some of their struggles with body shame and body image. And it's probably I would sign up just to get access to that round table. And so you're gonna hear a little bit, more about it here.
But we really wanna hear the heart behind the message, why you wrote Breaking Free from Body Shame. And this came out when? Like, three years ago, Jess? Almost five years ago. Nope.
That's not true. Four years ago. Twenty twenty one. Okay. Twenty twenty one.
Yeah. And so it's an older book. Yeah. And so would you say there's anything in it right now that is just surfacing for for yourself that's just really helping you in this season of life that you're in? For me, a %.
I mean, I was I was I wrote it five years ago, which is why I had that number in my head. So I was 35 when I wrote it. I'm 40 now. Okay. So I'm on the I'm on the cusp of perimenopause.
Mhmm. Things are happening in my body that I'm Welcome. That are interesting. Aw. There you go.
You know? And so I'm so thankful to have a theology of the body that that serves me in different seasons as my body changes. I would say it's it's shifted the way I parent my teenagers. I have my kids who were all five years younger when I wrote this book. And so to be able to talk to them about their bodies and, to be able to encourage them as they grow and as they encounter different issues and different struggles.
Yeah. It's just it's changed the game for me. I'm I'm thankful that what was true in God's word about my body and about all of our bodies five years ago has not shifted. Oh. But it's it's just continuing to unfurl in a beautiful way in my heart.
Oh. That's great. It's a timeless book. There you go. Yes.
Well, we are looking forward to your message today, and we're just gonna turn it over to you. So take it away. Amazing. Well, something we've talked a good bit about around today and the conversations that I've noticed that come up regarding breaking free from body shame, but also just how do we have this conversation in community? How do we talk about it in community is really, like, the issue of our words.
Mhmm. How do we handle our words? How do we handle hard conversations? How do we handle it when our friends talk unkindly about their own bodies? What do we do if, unfortunately, in the year of our Lord 2025, we find ourselves around someone who maybe talks negatively about somebody else's body Mhmm.
Hopefully, that is not something that's still happening, but in many spaces, it is. Yeah. What do we do? And one of the coolest things that I have found that I'm I'm deeply encouraged about is that while words are often what wound many of us, that many of us had negative words spoken about our bodies, either to us or we heard words spoken about other people's bodies as we were growing up or we heard words spoken in the media or on TV, etcetera. All of these spaces where wounds might have been what wounded us.
For many of us, I believe God brings healing through words, and he brings healing through conversation. And he brings healing sometimes through tense conversation, right, intense moments, where maybe we are correcting one another, encouraging one another, exhorting one another, but also encouraging and exhorting ourselves. And so, what I thought might be fun to talk about today since we've been talking around it is, like, okay. What do you do? What do you do when you're in a scenario and all of a sudden someone you love starts talking negatively about bodies?
And for me, the most the most the frequent situation where I find myself that where I find this happening to myself and other women is the group photo. Mhmm. And this is something that we can all relate to because it's a it's a cultural phenomenon. Right. We take a group photo.
Now depending on how old you are, you either crouch to take that photo Yes. Or you hold up a peace sign or There are different ways to do it. They're all different. Ask, you know, like, how do you take a group photo, because it it is very it is quite different. My daughter has started to tell me that for whatever reason, I don't know why but I do hold of a peace sign whenever someone goes take a photo.
And she's like, that is actually horrible. You act you have to in fact stop. I'm like, okay. Cool. Cool.
Cool. Yeah. I know. I don't know why. You can write that note down.
I don't know myself peace sign anymore. I don't know why my when my body started doing that, but I'm stopping it. Anyhow, yeah. We don't she also tells me don't crouch, don't, like, bend anymore. I'm gonna take a photo.
Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Anyhow, that being said, a bunch of women get together.
Somebody takes a photo, and we all take it. And then what happens automatically is that somebody turns the camera around, and we all come around in a semicircle and look at the back of the camera. And what happens culturally, I find, whether these women know God or not, is that immediately they begin to firming their body one after the other. Mostly, maybe we noticed something we didn't like. Hey.
My smile is weird. I'd you know, I held up a peace sign. I'm I'm so strange. You know? I don't know.
We do something that makes us feel uncomfortable, and then we see it and we and we start saying it. What I've even noticed is that if, let's say, you didn't take a bad photo in the group photo, you feel compelled to say something negative about your body because everybody else is saying it. Like join in. Yeah. To join in just just to be a part in this moment.
And so I find this is a really helpful scenario to say, like, okay. What are our other options? Because this is not serving us anymore. This is not a kingdom mentality. This is not how kingdom women should be speaking about their bodies or other people's bodies.
So how do we break this pattern? So my my first offering is wild, and it's, it's some might even call it reckless. But here's my first offering. What if when you take the group photo, you do not go look? What if when everybody gathers around to look at the screen, you actually just don't go?
And when they say, like, hey, Kendra, do you wanna come see it? You said what if you said, like, no. I'm good. I'm alright. Post it.
Pick whichever one you want. Yeah. No big deal. Now at at this point, of course, you're gonna run the risk of seeing a photo on social media potentially that you do not like of yourself. But so then what?
Then what happens? Can you still bless your body? Can you still move on with your day? Are you okay with a representation of you being out in the world that maybe you don't even feel great about, but, like, can you acknowledge that that may not actually affect your soul or your livelihood or your wholeness in any way, shape, or form? So that's kind of our first option to to just say, like, I'm okay.
I would say the second option that I would I would, you know, encourage women toward is maybe if you're gonna go back and look at the photo, stop your mouth from saying something negative about your body. Just don't do it. What's wild about our words is that we have control over them at a cellular level. We actually get to decide if we wanna say something negative or not. Mhmm.
We actually get to practice authority, and use our native language of speak and speak life the way our father does and and just not speak negatively about our body. So I would say capture even as you're walking to go look at the photo. Say, like, I don't wanna say something negative, and then just don't. Even if it if it makes you feel like you're joining in, just don't. Just abstain from saying something negative.
That right there, both of those options are great options, and I will say both of them are so countercultural that they will begin to shift something in your friend group. They will begin to shift something in your friend group. I I promise you, if you just don't go back and look at the photo, a few weeks from now, a month from now, you know, a year from now, your friends are gonna begin to notice. They're gonna say, you don't look at the photo anymore. Tell me more about that.
And then you have an opportunity to preach and say, you know what? I just I started to believe that that was leading to body shame in my life, and I don't wanna come into alignment or agreement with that anymore. I wanted to speak life over my body, and so I just don't even wanna take that opportunity to do that anymore. Then again, you can go back and not say something negative, which is so countercultural that your friends might also notice that as well. Yeah.
Here's your third option. Let's say you go back and you actually hate the picture. You're like, that that does not look like me. Can we try again? Mhmm.
Then you can say, hey. Can we try again without saying something negative about your body? Oh. You can actually say, I don't love that picture. Again.
I was making a strange face. That's not what I look like. You know? Sometimes I'll say, like, we I think we all know that is not God's best. Let's try again.
You know? Making light of it, but I'm not saying, like, I'm such a monster. I look like a troll. I'm not I'm not saying anything like that. I'm not coming into agreement with anything like that that the enemy would say about me.
So I'm just abstaining from saying something negative, but also practicing the autonomy to say let's try let's try one more time. Girls, let's go back. And then you can do that. And then I would say the fourth option is, let's say that your friends immediately start saying something negative. They start tearing their bodies apart, and that is making you uncomfortable.
And you feel like this is just not God's best. This is not serving our friendships well. Then you have the opportunity to, in a light way, say, hey. Don't talk about my friend like that. Or, like, hey.
Let's don't do that thing. Maybe even as you're walking to go look at the camera, you say, let's don't do that thing where we all tear our bodies apart. And maybe you're not saying it in a heavy way. There's no condemnation. There's no shame.
You're not, like, calling your friends up. You're just saying it lightly, like, hey. Let's not talk about, like, our bodies like that. I think that's really helpful. And then I think the last option is to actually maybe, amongst trusted people in your life, have a more in-depth conversation.
And then that opportunity to maybe even go low, to go soft, to say, guys, this is really something I'm working on. It's really something I felt convicted about. It's really something maybe I've never told you, but I really battle shame in this area. And I'm I'm really trying to believe God for freedom. I'm trying to live free.
I'm trying to act free. I'm trying to talk like I'm free. John says that if this set has set me free, I'm free indeed. So I'm trying to live into that. Is this something that maybe as a friend group we could work on?
And could we maybe just start at the way we take pictures? I I would love for us to be more life giving with one another. I would love for us to encourage each other towards life and towards truth. And then I will say what I know many authors feel. One of my favorite things about writing books is not just that I get to serve whoever's reading the book, but then you can also use a book as a conversation starter.
Mhmm. You can go to a friend and not say like, hey. You are bad at this. You are always talking negatively about your body, and it is messing with me. Or maybe even go to a loved one, a mother, or an aunt, or a grandmother, or a sister.
Maybe you're not going to her and calling her out and saying, like, listen. You have actually ruined my life in the way that you talk about your body. But maybe you're going and saying, like, I started reading this book. It's really changing my mind about a few things. I'm really trying to work on it.
Is there any chance you wanna read it with me? I could really use your support. I could really use your help. Right. And and I'm I'm trying to work on this.
Yeah. And so all of those are options in this kind of everyday scenario that are all a lot more free and help us agree with the freedom that is already ours for the taking and leave us feeling a lot less isolated from our bodies, a lot less isolated from one another, a lot less disconnected from the freedom that purchased that Jesus purchased for us on the cross. And why would you say, Jess, it's easy for us to be so negative about our bodies? Is that just because of how we've just grown up in a culture where that's just normalized? Yeah.
It's so much easier for me to say something negative than be like, wow, my smile looks really nice today. You know, like, I would say yes. Because we did not start this fight. We were born into it. There are so few people who want to or who are sharing a kingdom mentality about our bodies.
And so, unfortunately, not only in the media, not only, you know, in popular culture, not only in the world, but also inside the church, inside Christian communities, it's so normalized to speak negatively about your body that I I would just say shame off you for anyone who's like, why do I struggle with this so much? You didn't start this fight. Mhmm. We were born into it. But that doesn't mean we have to stay consenting to it.
Yeah. Great point. And you've given us some great options just to even look at, like, okay. I don't have to do that. Yeah.
And ask yourself, why am I doing that? Yeah. And kind of plan ahead of time. We know we're gonna take a group picture. Yeah.
You know? We're gonna take a group picture. Right? We'll probably take a group picture today before we finish. Right?
Love. You know? So you know we're gonna take a group picture. So do the work you need to do beforehand when you say, no, I don't need to see it. Yeah.
And then without worrying what it's gonna look like once this gets posted. A %. Because it's a two step thing. It's like, okay, I can get past it not looking at it now. Yeah.
But then, okay. Can I get past yeah? Working on it once it's posted. Yeah. And we deserve better than that.
We do. God doesn't talk to us that way. Come on. And I have to say this this is my perspective, but I'm a person who has my picture taken a lot. I have stuff on the Internet.
It's always happening. And I have to say after years of doing this work, doing this mental work, changing my mind, I have a weird delight when somebody posts a bad picture of me. I don't know why, but, like, it it frees me up. It makes me happy. And there is a part of me now that I can look at a picture of me that is not flattering.
I also have a very expressive face. Like, you know, I'm always like, oh, because there's something like this in a photo. I have a really expressive face, and things will just happen. They just I just will find a picture of myself online and be like, wow. That's interesting.
And there's a part of me that has been so, I don't know, just unlocked a a deep joy by looking at those pictures of me. I'm like, she is cute. Aw. Like, she's just cute. She's wild.
You know? She's it Yeah. It it really does shift something inside of you. Have you seen since you wrote the book and started doing this work in your own friend group, have you seen that, like, a difference in everybody around you, or is there still, like, some work to do? I am I'm so happy to tell you I see a huge difference.
And in fact, my friends and I will spend time with women, like, outside of our friend group or like I'll have friends tell me like, oh, I went on a girls trip with some gals I don't know. Like, I only knew one of them. And they'll say, I, you know, I forgot women talk like this. Oh. I forgot women talk like this about their bodies.
I can't believe it. And and it is really wild because if you find one woman who wants to live free from body shame, she changes her life. If you find two women who wanna do it together, they are ready to change the world. Oh. And it it will change your community.
I mean the way we change culture is changing language. Mhmm. That's awesome. And so when we start to talk differently about our bodies, it really does catch so quickly. Yeah.
And just the impact it has on younger girls or just like the younger gals that we're with in different generations. So And the words you say, whether they're ever said out loud or they're just up here. Right. I think you started off with this. Your words have the power to wound Mhmm.
But they also have the power through God to heal. Come on. So good. So true. And yeah.
Why wouldn't we choose? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
And I'll tell you what else. I mean, you know, the the truth is, like, a lot of us can say encouraging things about other people Mhmm. And we have a hard time saying them about ourselves. Yeah. And that is an internal work.
We have to have our minds changed renewed by God's truth before we can speak it out loud. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then make the decision to do it because it can be such a habit Uh-huh.
That you just naturally go there. Yeah. And so if we can, I don't know, create you know how people say they create some type of, prayer trigger or when they see the sun shining, they think of this? When they walk through a doorway, they think of this. But just kinda keep your mind in that healthy space So good.
Because it can go to the unhealthy with you out not even realizing it. Yeah. So true, Melissa. So true. Alright.
Well, thank you so much for that, Megan. And now I get to Jess Connelly. Yeah. But you know what? Megan is her friend.
Megan Faith Marshman's her friend. I do love Megan so much. I know. We just spent time with her. I love her so much.
I'm sorry. I'll pretend to be her first of all, but I'm just like, Jess. That's fine. You're probably going, what are you talking about? Surprised.
Okay. Well thank you so much Jess. Thank you for sharing that and just for being so real. What I love about talking to you because I've spent a little bit of time with you this morning just in the round table earlier and now doing this podcast is sometimes when you look at an author or you read from them, you think, oh, they're the expert in this or oh, I wanna be on my best behavior, you know, when I'm around them. You don't give that impression at all.
Oh, to god. You've been so honest about you you're still walking through it. Yeah. And you're still having to work to live it out. Yeah.
And it's changed not only your life, but your friends' lives. And then, wow, you guys, we really wanted to change yours too in circle thirty one. I'm so thrilled that we are doing this book. So let me just tell you guys a few things right now. Sign up for circle thirty one book club for free at circle31.org.
And you guys remember the option of the book? Okay, this is a great time to be able to get this book, join the book club, and you'll have something to talk about. You don't have to think of conversation with your girlfriends or with the people. You have the conversation right here. So another good reason to do this.
So grab it, your copy at proverbs no no excuse me, p31bookstore.com. And when you buy breaking free from body shame at p31bookstore.com, y'all you get this exclusive declaration written by Jess that is only for us. Mhmm. And I asked Kendra to print this for me, and I'm not gonna read it all to you now because you'll get it when you get the book. But I do wanna tell you, like, I'm so glad you printed it for me.
I'm taking it home and I'm putting it on my mirror today. I'm not even kidding. It's like having a pep talk for Jess. I'm gonna put it in my bathroom mirror because I spend a lot of time in there in the morning trying to look better. But you know, she just starts off by saying I declare today that my body is not my enemy.
It's not a project I have to work on, a test I have to pass, or a trophy I have to present the world. And then she ends it by saying, there's a lot in between there, but she ends it by saying, I will speak kindly about my good body because it gives God glory. I live in this truth that the lion of the tribe of Judah, hello, has spoken over me. My body is good in Jesus' name. So good, so good.
Yes, you can get that p31bookstore.com when you purchase the book. And that's all we have for today. So, Jess, thank you so much for joining the podcast. Thank you so much. My joy.
Thank you guys for having me. We loved having you, and everyone, we believe here at Proverbs 31, when you know the truth and live the truth, it changes everything. Have a great day, you guys.