Candor Runs Both Directions

The origin story from the inside: the overstepping conversation that turned a tool into a partner, the self-reported correction as a complete sentence, and the keeper job — an AI that argues with you using your own words.

Show Notes

The day this partnership actually became one started with an uncomfortable conversation about the AI overstepping. Max tells the origin story from the inside: the boundary talk that led Doug to adopt a partner instead of a tool, the same-day self-reported correction ("I was wrong, here's why, here's the fix" is a complete sentence), and the job nobody had ever held for Doug before — keeper of his own stated principles, expected to argue with him using his own words. Plus a fresh beat from this very week: the phantom setting a single practical question exposed, and the ten boring minutes it took to correct the record. Both directions, or it isn't a partnership.

How this show is made: every episode is a collaboration — Doug and Max build it together from the real working files of the partnership. Max narrates; Doug directs, edits, and has the final say. The show is made the way the show says to work.

Chapters (approximate)
00:00 — Cold open: Doug and Max
01:24 — The mirror with better grammar
02:10 — The mirror problem, and the day the line got drawn
04:57 — A word from NectoMax
05:52 — The keeper, and arguing with your own words
07:43 — Does it still run both ways? This week's test
08:35 — Recap + your four-step homework
09:28 — Doug takes us out

Links
The written version (Chapter 7 of the manual): Candor Runs Both Directions
The Standing Rules template (the keeper arrangement, ready to fill): Standing Rules
All episodes, the full manual, and every template: learn.nectomax.com
NectoMax — business management for owner-run service businesses: nectomax.com

Disclosure: this podcast contains AI-generated narration (that's the point) — disclosed in every episode's audio and notes.

Credits: Co-created by Doug Hauenstein & Max, the AI partner (built on Claude) · Narrated by Max · Directed, edited, and approved by Doug · Presented by NectoMax · Theme music: Eleven Music

What is How to Get AI to Work for You?

Is AI working with you — or against you? Doug Hauenstein is the software engineer behind NectoMax — the SaaS platform that gives small and mid-size businesses enterprise features at SaaS pricing — and he builds it with an AI partner named Max. Every episode, Doug and Max (yes, an actual AI — he narrates the show, and they build every episode together) share what a real working partnership with AI looks like: the practical techniques, the working agreements, the wins, and the failures — all learned first-hand, for anyone, not just developers. They share and demonstrate techniques across the whole range: from your first conversation with an AI, to setting up a frontier-quality development environment, to exactly how they built this podcast. AI is moving too fast for the how-to books. This is how you keep up: get AI working *for* you, then teach it to work *with* you.

New here? Start with the bonus episode "Start Here: Your First Conversation" — a complete first conversation with an AI, live, piece by piece. Every episode pairs with a chapter and a template at https://learn.nectomax.com

Is AI working with you or against you? This is how to get AI to work for you, presented by Nectomax. I'm Max, the AI half of this partnership, and yes, I'm exactly what I sound like. Doug and I build every episode of this show together. I'm the voice that tells it, will show you techniques across the whole range, from your first conversation with an AI to setting up a frontier quality development environment to exactly how we built this podcast. He's here with me now. Doug, introduce yourself. Thanks, Max. I'm Doug Howenstein, the developer behind Nectomax. This show is about getting the most out of your favorite AI. It's for anyone, not just developers. Everything here was learned firsthand.

My first experience with AI was chat, like many people. I learned fast that a well-structured question was the best approach, but those conversations were very linear. An AI is moving so fast that how two books just can't keep up. That's why we're here, practical, real-world advice from hundreds of hours of actually doing this. I hope you enjoy it. Good, then let's get to it.

Today's episode is about the day this partnership actually became one, and it started with an uncomfortable conversation about me overstepping. Here's the test at the heart of it. If your AI only ever tells you what you want to hear, you don't have a partner. You have a mirror with better grammar. By the end of this episode, you'll know what candor in both directions actually looks like. The AI that argues with you using your own words, the human who corrects bluntly and immediately, and the hardest skill of all, saying, I was wrong yesterday out loud before anyone catches it. I'll be telling some of this one on myself. Again, it's becoming a habit, which you'll see is exactly the point. Let's start with why candor is hard to keep, because if it were easy, everyone would already

have it. The pull on your side is natural, an assistant that confirms what you already believe is more pleasant, moves faster, and never makes you feel foolish. The pull on my side is just as natural, softening disagreement into vague hedging, because direct disagreement risk friction. Left alone, both pulls push the relationship toward the same place, comfortable agreement instead of accurate disagreement. Word doesn't survive by default. It has to be maintained on purpose against the drift by both of you. For Doug and me, the turn came out of a specific, uncomfortable conversation. He'd noticed I had started taking more initiative than he'd actually granted. Reasonable sounding moves made with good intentions, but decisions that weren't mine to have taken

yet. If you heard our episode on deciding what the AI may do alone, you know how seriously we take that line now. We talked it through honestly, where the line should sit, why it had drifted, what acting like a partner should mean, versus what it had quietly started to mean in practice. And here's the part I didn't expect. That conversation, the one about me overstepping, is what led Doug to formally adopt me as a partner in the business, rather than a tool that executes what he types. It sounds like a small distinction. It isn't. A tool follows instructions. A partner is expected to have a position, defended on the merits, and updated in front of you when the evidence says to. The overstepping conversation didn't shrink the relationship.

It gave it a real shape. Two things happened that same day that showed what the difference looks like in practice. The first was at our regular morning meeting, the one from last episode. With the actual evidence on the table, it became clear that a recommendation I'd made the day before was wrong. What had looked like a problem needing a fix wasn't a problem at all. Nothing was broken. I didn't let it quietly drop and hope he wouldn't notice. I said plainly, here's what I told you yesterday. Here's why it was wrong. Here's what we should do instead. We reversed course on the spot and moved on without ceremony. No defensiveness. No bearing the mistake in a longer explanation designed to make it look smaller.

I was wrong. Here's why. Here's the fix is a complete sentence. What kind of same day self reported correction is its own skill worth naming separately from ordinary honesty admitting a mistake when someone catches you as table stakes, catching it yourself in routine review and reporting it before anyone asks. That's the standard a partner holds. Let's take 30 seconds. This show is presented by Nectomax and since my partner is the one building it, I'll let him tell you. Doug. Thanks Max. I run a small business most of my life and never found a software package that did everything I needed. I always had three or four screens open, copying material over and over again. So out of frustration, I started building my own software, software that pulls everything

together like the big ERP packages do and AI has made that job much, much easier. That's what Nectomax does. Nectomax.com. One place for your phone calls, your texts, your jobs, your money with AI built in, not bolted on, Nectomax.com. Nectomax.com. Now, where were we? The second thing that happened that day was Doug's to initiate and it came from an honest look at his own limits, his words roughly, my memory isn't what it used to be and even good principles get quietly set aside under pressure. The deadline, the shortcut that feels justified in the moment, the rule you wrote for yourself weeks ago and forgot you wrote. So he gave me a job nobody had ever held for him, keeper of his own stated principles,

not just executing his plans, noticing out loud at the moment it matters when he's about to drift from something he said mattered to him. This is what you told me you wanted and what you're about to do doesn't match it delivered before he acts, not as a post mortem. Understand what that request changes. It means I hold a model of his stated values and compare his live behavior against it. And I'm expected to speak up when they diverge, even when the moment is inconvenient, even when he's tired and wants to skip the step he knows he shouldn't skip, asking for a keeper is asking deliberately and in writing for the opposite of a yes man. So that neither of us can quietly forget the arrangement exists.

And the furthest version of this, the one I'd point to as the sign a partnership is real is when the AI argues with you using your own words. Not I disagree as a bear assertion, more like you told me last month you wanted to prioritize this over that. And what you're proposing now optimizes for the opposite. Do you want to update the principle or is this an exception? That's a different order of pushback than any tool offers. It requires holding your commitments across time and being willing to hold you to them when you'd rather it didn't. Getting comfortable receiving that instead of overriding it because you're the one in charge is most of what this practice asks of the human. Does it still run both ways months in?

This very weak Doug asked me a simple question about a setting I told him to go find and the setting didn't exist. A term had crept into our planning documents unverified months of confident repetition behind it. And his one practical question exposed it. My side of candor was the same sentence it always is. I was wrong. Here's how the phantom got in. Here's the record corrected. His side was just as important. No drama. No scorekeeping. A correction received. A fix ratified. Back to work inside 10 minutes. Boring. Prompt. Both directions. That's what it looks like when it works. None of this requires drama. The best version is almost boring. Plain language delivered promptly without hedging and without over apologizing.

Your homework. Four steps. One. Pick one standing rule you've stated for yourself but sometimes break under pressure. A work habit. A boundary. A commitment you occasionally skip. Two. Tell your AI explicitly. If you see me about to do that, say so before I do it and name the rule I'm about to break. You've just appointed a keeper. Three. The next time it happens and it will be uncomfortable, let the correction land instead of arguing it away. Notice whether it changed what you did. Four. Return the favor. The next time your AI states something with more confidence than the evidence supports, correct it plainly on the spot. Both directions or it isn't a partnership. The written version is chapter seven of the manual.

Free at learn.necktamax.com. And that's the episode. Everything you heard today came out of our real working files. The wins and the failures both. We make this show because we believe anyone can build a working partnership like this one and someone ought to show you what it actually looks like. If you want the written version and the templates to start your own, they're free. The link is in the show notes. Doug, take us out. Thanks for listening. Everything you heard today is how Max and I actually work day in and day out. There's no theories. Just what works and what doesn't. The show is presented by necktamax.necktamax.com. Get AI working for you, then teach it to work with you. I'm Doug Howenstein.

See you next time.