Power & Fear: Reclaiming What Is Ours (S16E4)

Show Notes

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So, you might remember that I'd decided to publish the podcast every two weeks - but here we are, just a week after the last episode. Because sometimes, there are no rules. Sometimes, something asks to be shared.

This is one of those episodes.

We're talking about power and fear - two forces that shape so much of how we move through the world. What happens when we hand over our power? And are we, in fact, handing it to fear itself?

These questions have been weaving through my own journaling and client conversations lately, and as I sat with them, I found myself reflecting on how easy it is to get swept up in the fears of others - fears that may never have been ours to carry. In this episode, I share my journal’s response to this question, a passage that speaks to the importance of recognising what is truly ours, reclaiming our choices, and stepping out of the currents of fear that do not belong to us.

And, as if by perfect synchronicity, I also came across a poem by Mary Oliver that captures this theme in the most resonant way. I read it towards the end of the episode (and share it below), and I suspect it may stay with you, just as it has stayed with me.

Settle in and listen. I'd love to know how this lands with you.

Henny x

I Worried
Mary Oliver

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

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What is the Henny Flynn podcast?

A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.

Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.

If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.

Speaker 1: So you might remember
, a little while ago, I decided

that I was going to publish the
podcast every two weeks.

Well, here we are.

We've only had a week's gap
since the last episode.

But you know, my darlings,
there are no rules, and this was

asking to be shared.

And so here I am.

We're talking about power and
fear.

Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening

self-awareness.

With profound self-compassion.

I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our

inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all

founded on a bedrock of self
love.

Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you.

I just listened back to that
brief intro to today's episode

and I just thought, and I just
thought blimey, power and fear.

They're pretty big topics,
aren't they?

And they feel very resonant for
me, certainly, and I suspect

for many of us, what with
everything that is happening in

the world right now.

As ever, when I am with
something, when I can't quite

make sense of how I'm feeling or
what I'm noticing about how I'm

feeling, or what I'm noticing
about the way that I'm

responding to, what I'm noticing
about how others are feeling or

what I think I'm noticing.

You know, you get the picture,
I turn to my journal, and so I

wanted to share today's writings
with you, and, you know, with

the intention that maybe there
is something here that benefits

you too or sparks your own
thinking, because, of course,

that's all any of this work can
ever do is invite in a self

reflection and maybe give
ourselves a little bit of

insight into something that
we've been trying to untangle

within us.

I also was prompted.

I wasn't going to be recording
this episode.

I wasn't going to be recording
an episode this week because you

know, like I said in the intro,
we tend to publish these every

two weeks now.

We tend to publish these every
two weeks now.

But then I came across a poem
from Mary Oliver and it spoke so

strongly to this theme that
I've been watching wash through

me this theme of how do we hold
space for our fears.

It's a, it's a common theme for
me and it relates directly to

the other common theme I have,
which is about safety, and and I

just really felt that Mary
spoke the words that so many of

us can benefit from listening to
, absorbing, sitting within, and

so I would love to share her
poem as well after this reading

from the journal.

So I said in the intro, this is
about power and fear, and this

writing really I was, I had this
.

There's been a theme coming up
with in a lot of client

conversations over the last week
, couple of weeks, of what

happens when we hand over our
power.

And this morning it struck me
that maybe what we're actually

doing in those situations where
we can see that we're somehow in

some way handing our power over
to an other group of

individuals or a system or, you
know, a political concept or a

social concept, a cultural
concept, that actually maybe

what we're doing is we're
handing our power over to fear.

And I took this question to the
pages of my journal and I'd

love to share with you what she
wrote, what I wrote.

And then what she wrote as you
might know, I think, of my

journal in feminine terms or not
that anything is actually

binary, but you know what I mean
.

So here we go Gosh, that whole
binary thing that just opens up

so many thoughts.

I mean, yeah, now I'm going
into, do I call her they?

Because actually she is
everything, but she she sits

well, so I'm going to trust,
trust that, um, okay, so this is

what I wrote what happens when
we hand our power over to fear.

I don't mean, or do I, the parts
of us that are fearful.

I mean the external raging
forces of fear it feels.

That is how it can be at times
that powerful others seek to

control with fear.

I see that is their fear, that
is their fearful parts seeking

to create order and control in
their own worlds, to abate their

own fears in their own worlds,
to abate their own fears.

And I see the dangerous
contagion of fear that comes

when we forget the fears we are
embracing are not our own.

And what happens when we forget
and begin to believe, to feel,

to act as though these fears are
ours, because, of course, we

have no control over others'
fears.

We can only tend to our own.

Can you help me?

You are already unravelling this
tangled knot.

You see, the fears you have
been carrying have been picked

up along the way, taken on from
others who took them, from

others who you see the way of it
.

So sit with what you're feeling
and ask yourself the truth of

things.

It doesn't mean everything in
the world is rosy at all times.

There will always be challenges
, but it does mean not all

things are yours to carry.

Be clear about what is yours.

Begin there, seek your evidence
and take your actions.

And this question of handing
over power?

It feels this may be the
essence of how that happens, or

at least part of the essence.

Yes, this comes to the heart of
disabling your own ability to

make your own choices.

When you are reacting to
something that truly belongs to

another, you are standing in
their wake, getting washed along

with their stories, their
history, their interpretation of

the world, of the world.

Step out of the waters of their
river and into the cooling

depths of your own and look back
to where their stream first

emerged.

What can you see of how their
life's river began, as it first

emerged from the centre of all
things?

What influences, experiences,
happenings made them the person

that they are, with the joys,
fears and views that shape them.

And, of course, what came
before they emerged, when their

waters ran below the ground, fed
by the streams, beneath the

streams that made them, allow
them to be themselves.

But there is no need to pour
yourself into the riverbed.

They are carving.

Make your own way, choose your
own way, this choice to blend so

seamlessly with another and
adopt their stories, their

narratives, their fears and
beliefs as if they were always

you.

What made you, too, that is
self-abandonment and the

ultimate release of your power.

So that last line really struck
me when I wrote it this idea

that when we get washed along
with the fears that others are

pouring out into the world, we
are in some way abandoning

ourself.

In some way abandoning ourself,
we are believing someone else's

beliefs rather than paying deep
, profound, compassionate

attention to what we, in our
hearts, really know is true.

And so I found this writing
very helpful for me today.

It helped me make sense of
something that I had noticed I

had been picking up.

Actually, of this season of the
podcast, have have held, um,

this thread of how do we
navigate the world in fearful

times, or how do we navigate our
fears, uh, within the world, um

, and you know, that says to me
that maybe this is speaking to

many of us, and I would love to
hear whether there is something

within these words that has
resonated with you too.

And and this poem, this poem,
this poem from Mary Oliver, it

arrived, you know, in order to
understand your own relationship

with this concept of power and
fear, and how we retain our own

empowered state and cease
handing our power over to the

depths of others, fears, where
our power just gets absorbed and

washed away and we feel we have
no choice but to follow along

in the wake of others.

Um, so I would love to read
this mary poem, and it is called

I Worried.

I mean it's very resonant.

I worried, I worried a lot.

Will the garden grow?

Will the rivers flow in the
right direction?

Will the earth turn as it was
taught?

And if not, how shall I correct
it?

Was I right?

Was I wrong?

Will I be forgiven?

Can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing?

Even the sparrows can do it,
and I am well hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I
just imagining it?

Am I going to get rheumatism,
locked jaw, dementia?

Finally, I saw that worrying
had come to nothing and gave it

up and took my old body and went
out into the morning and sang.

I mean, as ever, mary Oliver
has nailed it.

I mean, you know this profound,
beautiful message that is in

here, the recognition that the
most important thing we can do

is take our bodies out into the
morning and sing no-transcript

too, but it does mean being
really aware of where we're

placing our attention and being
mindful of the actions that we

are taking.

So if this theme is also
resonating with you, if you're

noticing that you have slipped
into handing your power over, or

it's a theme that you have seen
recurring through your life in

some way, or it's something that
you would really love to

explore more deeply for whatever
reason, or if this theme of how

to manage the things that
activate you, that activate

these parts that can hold our
fears, if you're curious about

how you can care more deeply for
those parts of you and tend and

attend to those parts more
fully in order that they don't

feel so overwhelming at times,
then please do reach out.

The one-to-one work that I do
with people is truly so

beautiful, it is heart-centered
and and it really helps us move

forward.

I see it again and again and
again where clients you know,

even people who are extremely
self-aware have done this really

deep inner work, can bring, can
help them make sense of or

understand or accept things that
they've been experiencing and

and have felt challenged by, and
this work really does bring

fresh insight and and a forward
momentum.

You know, it's really important
to say you know, I describe

myself as a therapeutic coach
because I sit between that space

or in that space between
therapy and coaching and it

means that we can do this really
deep inner reflective work and

have an understanding of what
might be driving our behaviors,

what stories we might be
carrying, the patterns that we

might have adopted through our
life, that might be informing

the way that we're experiencing
the world right now, and we also

have the benefit of this
forward momentum from the

coaching work so that we're
looking to see.

Okay, now that we have this
understanding, where does it

take us?

What do we do with this
understanding?

How does it inform what comes
next?

How does it inform what comes
next?

And really creating a much
clearer perspective, much

clearer vision of what we're
moving toward, whilst also being

able to hold ourselves safely
in the present moment.

It is beautiful work and if
you're curious about how it

might be to work together, then
please do reach out, and if

you'd just like me to share with
you about how it could look,

then I'd be really, really
honoured to have a conversation

with you and just to see how
working together might really

support you.

Okay, my darlings, I send you a
hug and a wave.

Thank you.