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Begin Again is for people in the second half of life who sense that the identity they've been carrying no longer fits. Host Winston Faircloth — spiritual director, daily poet, and fellow traveler — brings honest conversation, personal story, and original poetry to the journey of remembering, releasing, and returning to who God created you to be. Visit www.myreuniontour.com for more resources.
Welcome back to episode 58 of the Begin Again Leadership Podcast. Perhaps you're feeling overwhelmed, lost or just worn out. You're missing that spark, that fire you had at the beginning of 2020. Well, I definitely hit that wall myself a few months ago. And refinement is the process I use to help me rediscover my passion, my fire.
Winston Faircloth:And today, other others tell me how peaceful, surrendered and relaxed that I look. And this journey ultimately begins from within. And if you've never heard of the term refinement, hey, go back there. In the last few episodes, we've been talking about this concept, and a four part process, which helps you gain your passion back after a season of setbacks. And to recap, the four steps are first unplug temporary basis, relearn, which is reevaluating and challenging your existing ideas, beliefs and concepts.
Winston Faircloth:Last time we talked about rest, experimenting with and understanding ways to deepen your rest. And today, we're going to talk about the concept of relearn, incorporating new practices and beliefs to set you on a new path. Now all of these steps prepare you for the hardest and most important step of your journey, which is called relearn. Now remember, if what you were doing before was truly serving you, you would not have needed this process. But as we go back to the beginning, remember we were probably exhausted, overwhelmed, and possibly misaligned with who you really are deep down inside.
Winston Faircloth:Perhaps you've invested thousands of dollars and months of time following your favorite mentor's step by step process. Now for them, it's produced incredible results, multi million dollars each year and thousands of students. Yet for you perhaps, it's been crickets. It worked for them, why not for you? Well I believe most of the mentors that I follow, nearly all of them, have a beautiful heart.
Winston Faircloth:And they're just merely sharing their journey and in their enthusiasm and excitement, they want to help others reach their full potential too. Yet, it's extremely rare to reach your potential by copycatting others. So what makes for a great mentorship? Well, I believe it starts with a climate of trust, which develops deep self awareness, unleashes inner confidence, and cultivates most importantly, a beginner's mind to question what is given so that you can incorporate and begin to implement what is congruent with your vision and leave the rest for another time. It requires unlearning what you think you know so that you can begin the hardest, yet most rewarding work of all, relearning.
Winston Faircloth:Unplug, unlearn, and rest prepares the soil for new seeds of ideas. Relearning is the sorting of these ideas, incorporating some, discarding others, and then experimenting with and implementing practices that support you. Let me give you an example from my own journey. I had to unlearn the lessons from dozens and dozens of nutrition and exercise programs I've worked with over the years in favor of two new core concepts that I am relearning. First, rest.
Winston Faircloth:We talked about this last time, but I want to reinforce it again today. Without restorative rest, my decision making and energy levels are not optimal. And in a depleted state, I have habitually turned to certain food textures as a way of languaging my feelings as a former emotional eater. Crunchy for frustration, creamy for soothing as examples. Rest restores my ability to savor, pay attention, and be in harmony, which are some of my highest values.
Winston Faircloth:The second core concept is presence. In first grade, I learned that playground time at lunch period required the fastest pace of eating possible. The faster I ate, the sooner I could get on the monkey bars. But yet decades later, that habit of woofing down food denied me so many sensations of taste and smell, but also denied me the satisfaction of enjoying the act of preparing and plating my meal. There's just a richness of experience which is lost in hurry.
Winston Faircloth:So I had to relearn the concept of what optimal health means to me. It began with a very simple set of acts, introduced one at a time. And this is going to sound a little funny. My coach was like, we're just going to deconstruct this and we're going to take it one step at a time. And we're just going to do it until it feels more natural to you.
Winston Faircloth:So we started with taking the food out of containers and putting it on a nice plate. Instead of eating out of containers or eating in the car or whatever else, we're just going to put it on a plate. Next, we began to put that plate on a table away from screens and distractions. Next, we just began savoring each bite, eating more slowly. And only then did we begin to consider portion sizes that nourish.
Winston Faircloth:There's no shame, no restrictions, no rules, no requirements that crush it at a gym. Just these simple steps incorporated one at a time, one stacking upon the other. This is the concept of relearning. And when these changes are implemented slowly, one at a time, it becomes easier to see when resistance pops up. Now, breakdown in the process becomes obvious, because there are powerful beliefs behind our previous actions.
Winston Faircloth:Like a big old dog with a juicy bone, they're just not going to drop them easily. This is where the work begins. Staying open, staying surrendered, trusting that there's a process of relearning afoot. Now, the biggest game for me was not so much in the achievement of a new habit, it was relearning to trust my inner guidance once again. In my case, the reliance upon these old habits not only affected my physical size, it undercut my ability to trust myself and trust others.
Winston Faircloth:And without trust, very little works in life. Keys to relearning. Number one, take one small step at a time. Trying to do too many things will only confuse you later when you meet resistance, and you will. Remember that time is spacious and abundant for this process of relearning.
Winston Faircloth:Number two, sorting and sifting ideas. This is the process of understanding ourselves, what's working and not working for us, and taking in what is working in this moment and leaving the rest for later. Your investments that you've made in mentorship and training and programs can all be useful. But deciding to work on one thing at a time, focusing on one concept to see how congruent it feels with you is really going to help you unlock this change that you're seeking. And the third step is surrendering and trusting a process.
Winston Faircloth:Now this is tough for us type Ds, us quick decision makers or fast acting people that we are surrendering and trusting a process. And whether this is something you're learning from others or something you're discovering within yourself, there is a process. You have to trust it. This morning I was reading out of Maria Shriver's book, I've Been Thinking, and she had a chapter early in the book called Life is Yours to Create and to Recreate. And I just want to share with you just some of that chapter, a couple paragraphs out of that chapter because I think it really corresponds to what we're talking about today.
Winston Faircloth:She says, I've seen people make huge life mistakes, but then recognize it, take responsibility, make amends to those they've hurt and move on stronger and better. In each of those cases, turning their lives around required the courage to face the fear of the unknown. It takes courage to push up against the way it is or the way it has been. It takes courage to push back and be creative with this gift of life. But that's exactly what building a life of our own requires.
Winston Faircloth:Thinking outside the box, being creative, being flexible, facing the fear of the unknown, stepping into it, and being willing to start over. She says, several years ago, I found myself having to recreate my own life. I had to step into the unknown and sit there. It was terrifying. I can't tell you I enjoyed it, but I can say that I could reimagine, reconstruct, and rebuild my life.
Winston Faircloth:And every day I continue to do it. And as Steve Jobs pointed out, life can either be limiting, safe, and secure, or it can be wide open, creative, and sometimes scary. Your life is yours to create and then recreate. As Mr. Jobs says, Everything around you that you call life was made up by people who are no smarter than you.
Winston Faircloth:And you can change it and you can influence it. And once you realize that, he said, you'll never be the same again. Relearning. So there you have it friends, my four step framework for refinement. Just to recap, unplug, which is disconnecting from external sources temporarily, even very valuable good sources, so that then you can unlearn, which is creating the space to reevaluate and challenge existing ideas, beliefs, and concepts that have gotten you to this place.
Winston Faircloth:Rest, which is that firebreak, which is that ultimate key to unlocking this process, which is experimenting with and understanding ways to deepen the rest for you. And then this last step of relearn, which is incorporating new practices and beliefs to set you on a new path. And as I'm recording this, in November 2020, it's been seven plus months since I made the decision to unplug, which ultimately began this journey. So what are my results? Well, I'm happy to say, number one, my life today is very satisfying.
Winston Faircloth:I have much more discernment and boundaries about what's most important in my life. I no longer drift along with the waves of circumstances. I now blast and release negative influences and people from my list of acquaintances. And as a recovering people pleaser, this is a huge improvement in the quality of my life. Number two, I've rediscovered my passion for teamwork and collaboration, which have been the hallmark of the most satisfying seasons of my career.
Winston Faircloth:I've realized that I'm not as effective as a lone wolf and how much I love helping others grow and prosper within the context of a team you love. Number three, and this isn't even the most important one, I just add it as one that's just an interesting result. Our monthly business income is now 4x of what it was before I stopped working in April and we're only scratching the surface of what is possible in this business. I give that to being more aligned and being more surrendered to what is within me and within our team. Then fourth, this is an interesting one.
Winston Faircloth:This morning as an example, I set a personal record for the amount of deep sleep in a night, beyond anything I thought was possible even just a few months ago. And my body's already released over 22 inches of girth during this very lengthy process of unlearning. And now as I'm really stepping into this season of relearning, I'm excited about what's to come. So those four, they're pretty good progress for a short period of time. And yet light years better than how I was feeling in late March.
Winston Faircloth:So this is our next to last episode for season one of the Begin Again Leadership Podcast. And beginning with episode 60, we have a special surprise for you that we've been hinting about for weeks now. A change of focus to a multiplier of your mission, something that every business owner wants or needs. Sourcing, building, growing a team that you love. And we have wonderful interview kicking off season two of the podcast with the CEO who embodies the spirit for love of team as our very first guest.
Winston Faircloth:Season two is coming up on episode 60 in just two weeks. And to stay in touch with us, you can download our next episode, which comes out weekly on Monday mornings. Make sure to subscribe an Apple Podcast or any of your favorite podcast players so you don't miss a single episode. And check out the show notes for a special thank you when you leave a heartfelt review. And as we've said and shared on every episode, remember, the biggest breakthroughs in life and business occur the moment you decide to begin again.
Winston Faircloth:I'll catch you on the next episode.