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Conversations With Thomas is a podcast where humor, heart, and a touch of sass collide. Hosted by Thomas Kevin Dolan, each episode explores raw, real topics like self-compassion, healing, and the delightful mess of being human. As the seventh of ten kids, Thomas didn’t always have a voice—now he’s sharing it with you, and trust us, you’ll want to hear this.
Expect vulnerability, laughs, and thought-provoking questions that dive into subjects most people avoid (because, let's face it, some topics just need to be tackled). With a mix of wit and wisdom, Thomas takes you on a journey where you might cry, you might laugh, and you’ll definitely feel a little more connected to yourself and the world.
New episodes drop every 2nd and 4th Monday. Tune in for a dose of honesty, heart, and just the right amount of quirky.
Hello, this is Thomas. My pronouns are he and him. Welcome to the 24th podcast with
conversations with Thomas. I appreciate you being here. I want to invite you to a
journey with me today as I share what I have learned by connecting my head to my
heart. I call it the 18 -inch journey. I'll share some tips to help you master the
connection or if it's a beginning point for you, some tips to perhaps kickstart this
part of your path. The 18 -inch journey from the head to your heart is perhaps the
biggest journey you can make. I spent much of my life chasing my tail, trying to
figure out who I was and what I wanted from love. My head, embroiled in fear,
screamed out not to come out. My heart gently counseled me with whispers that I'm
loved and all would be okay. And yet I had allowed my head, that fear,
to run my life for 29 years before trusting my heart. The lengths I went to,
the unnecessary lengths to try to understand my calling, by often indulging in
distractions that were not beneficial to helping me become who I truly wanted to be,
there were all moments of me being disconnected from my head and my heart. So there
was no semblance, no sense of somehow making a connection between my head and my
heart. When I shifted my focus from listening to the noise in my head, which
typically is fear, to connecting with my heart's intuition, self -love, I was able to
begin the journey of getting in touch with my purpose and love. One was to come
out and of course the next was to trust the new connection between my head and my
heart. It was the beginning of a really wonderful relationship where I wouldn't
necessarily have to spend all my time having the head run the show or all the time
having my heart run the show. It was an opportunity to have both of them be able
to run the show. I gently giggle, now realizing my real spiritual journey to purpose
and fulfillment was only 18 inches long. Life can be all about timing,
huh? One of my heroes is Albert Einstein, and believe it or not, it is not for
his pure intellect. It is for his deep wisdom, which began with his insatiable
curiosity. It is so interesting that Einstein is talked about for his connection to
his theory of relativity. But few talk about his understanding of the relationship
between the head and the heart. Einstein believed that the main engine of our being
is actually our heart. It surprised me when I discovered that. This is where our
love, our curiosity, creativity, courage and compassion reside. They reside in our
hearts. He believed that the brain was to be in service to the heart and not that
the brain was the be everything to our existence nor success.
The ability to integrate these longest 18 inches known to humanity in the head and
the heart is the formula for all that we wish to accomplish. All that we wish to
accomplish that's actually in alignment with our purpose. And although I'm probably
preaching to the choir here, the heart is actually curious and creative. The brain
helps us with clear sight, strategic thinking, and the steps to take on the path
forward that arises from our heart.
In this time of immense possibility, how can you tap into what your heart is
whispering and longing to have expressed in your world? I'd mention creativity,
courage, curiosity, and compassion are the fundamental pillars for sustainable success
as this world of ours continues to evolve. All four of these pillars actually
originate, you guessed it, in the heart. Once we connect deeply there through
reflection, self -awareness, self -love, love of others,
and love for the purpose that we are desiring to bring into the world, then the
brain can do its work masterfully in supporting the vision of the future. Otherwise,
we're only kind of living half the story. And for clarity, this notion of the 18
-ish journey is actually not for the faint of heart, pardon the pun. It can be
tough work. It sure as F was for me. And some of you may know that I am a
certified coach with close to 20 years experience now, Supporting clients and making
all kinds of life choices. Sometimes those choices were met with ambivalence because
my clients' heads pulled them in one direction, while their beautiful hearts tugged
hard another way. Many clients shared that it was uncomfortable to have two sides
opened wide with possibilities, allowing themselves to imagine outcomes.
And that imagination or the imagining of those outcomes for themselves created an
awful lot of it, bread vulnerability if you will. And many of my clients felt
really scared. And I'd suggest when it appeared there were the same number of pros
and cons in a situation that some clients do the logical thing when they were
unsure. I would ask them to or suggest that they write kind of a pro and con
list, review it, and then do something a little illogical. Realizing it didn't matter
which side had the longest list. What mattered was the significance of what was
written on each side. You probably can tell what I was attempting to do, and I'm
always careful, right? In coaching, you never have an agenda. But this notion of
laying out for them, perhaps one part of the list would appeal more to the head,
one part of the list would appeal more to the heart. And of It was this this
mattering of what was significant for them on one side of the other. It it got
them to kind of Maybe consider circling the dealbreakers.
This is part of the exercise. I'd get them to circle the dealbreakers The things
they refused to compromise on And this is when they got honest with themselves
Acknowledged and accepted what their needs were It was a brutal kind of honesty.
It's what helped them to kind of get to the heart. It's important to pay attention
to logic. To see the reality of a situation, though that reality can actually change
in an instance. We've seen that, and there's many examples of it in our world. It's
equally vital to listen with our hearts. Our hearts carry old wisdom that whispers
to us. If we can quiet our minds a little, it's one we can actually hear our
hearts. It's important that we let our minds speak, we let our minds say its peace,
and then go quiet. Allow ourselves to sit and rest a bit,
and then go inside. Your heart may sometimes agree with most of what your busy mind
is turning out, but it also allows you to see alternative opportunities.
It allows you to feel alternative possibilities, possibilities you may normally be too
afraid or rigid to embrace. Our hearts gently nudge us,
reminding us who we are. And of course, for folks that aren't used to allowing the
heart to nudge, this can feel slightly uncomfortable. And as the saying goes, and
it's not in an egoic way, but love always wins, right?
It always wins. I've been blessed with having some amazing logical down -to -earth
teachers in my life. Most of them happen to be women who have taught me the
importance of rationally thinking through details. It wasn't always easy. They taught
me as well the necessity of not overriding my heart. And I think because I chose
so many of them with the divine feminine and a lot of them that had the divine
masculine, what I lean more towards, particularly as a queer man in this lifetime,
is finding that balance, that real balance of peace, it actually couldn't come
without both. Some reference and deference to mind or reference and deference to
heart, that combination for me was really, really important. When I struggled with
choices, the counsel from many of these teachers would suggest this.
They'd get me to ask this question, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"
At times I'd mumbled the worst thing, which usually wasn't so bad, and I'd hear and
reply, But what happened if that happened? This helped me bridge my mind and heart,
allowing me to safely navigate possibilities without actually feeling overwhelmed. And
of course, I've learned to add the following question. And this is the other side,
and this would come from the divine part of me, the heart part of me. What's the
best thing that could happen? And of course, from time to time, That can be equally
as scary to answer, right? Feeling at times that I wasn't ready for the good stuff
or that I even felt that I deserved the good stuff. We can often make choices
based on fear. We're afraid of failure, afraid of being wrong, afraid of our dreams,
our wants and our wishes that won't come true. We're afraid of broken hearts and
broken relationships. There's not much, and I'm sure you'll agree with this, there's
not much we can actually control, truly control in this life though. And when a
whirlwind strikes and that might be death, that might be illness, it might be a
relationship change, you can realize that the carefully constructed lives we built can
be whisked away quickly, living a standing bear and raw. And when we look to our
sides as we kneel in rubble, we see what matters. Those standing next to us who
love us the most, who see us for who we truly are, who accept us as yes.
And of course, we're the one on our knees in the rubble. And we get to see that
the part of us that shows our heart, the part of us that made a decision with our
heads is also sitting in the rubble, acknowledging that we have done the best that
we possibly can. And of course, all of this kicks up this notion and it's important
for me to mention this, it all takes faith. Trust to believe if we don't have all
the answers or if the answer appears in an unruly looking package that we're
actually still gonna be okay.
When the what's best for you right now is different from the way you wish things
were, that's hard. We need to look for the truth behind the situation when our
heart and mind aren't connecting, when we can see both sides of the coin, see how
they match up, but feel confused as to what to do. Because either way, it's going
to be hard and /or it's going to be good. We have to peel away each layer of our
feelings until we get to the core of how we truly feel and what we really desire
and need. There. The truth lies there. And then our hearts can be opened and can
accept what is best right now. When I feel a sense of calm, I've hit truth.
It's in that of space, I know that even if a decision may hurt, it will quickly
heal because I'm standing in my integrity. I'm being honest. It usually means that
I've made that choice by listening to my intuition to my heart. Hard choices, of
course, bring reflection, opportunities for us to look inward and see if we're on
the path we want to be. The path that we need to be on,
It might be aligned with who we really are and most times when I've come from the
place of listening to and Making a choice from my heart That is That path that I'm
on is actually aligned with who I really am. I Have a great deal of respect and
admiration In fact deep love and compassion even for those who try listening within
Sliding fear aside nudging fear aside sometimes shoving fear aside and decide what is
best now when folks do this they're changing course one step at a time accepting
they don't know what it looks like at the end of the road that's brave that's
really courageous that's really vulnerable so no merging logic and the heart right
it's not For the faint of heart it's reserved for the strong ones the beautifully
wide -shouldered vulnerable ones We function very differently when we are centered in
our hearts and We function very differently when we allow our heart and head to
become aligned when we're able to tap into and Follow the wisdom of our heart.
We're actually able to make conscious choices that actually make us feel good. We
actually feel good in our bodies and there's a match to our purpose. This practice
of listening to and feeling within the heart allowing its wisdom to inform the head.
I call that heart centeredness and here's a few benefits of combining the two or
being heart centered and because remember it comes from connecting the two,
centeredness, heart centeredness comes from connecting head and heart. The benefits are
these. The first one would be clarity. When we slow down enough to listen to our
hearts, it allows greater clarity to come through. When we're caught up in our,
let me own it, I call it my monkey mind of a million thoughts about past, present
and future, things can actually get really money. Silencing the noise in the head
and listening to the wisdom of the heart actually leads to a really wise and clear
mind. The second benefit of heart centeredness is compassion. When we feel into our
hearts, it is much easier to recognize and care about others. We become more
thoughtful and aware of the feelings and experiences of others, more understanding,
more forgiving, more at peace, and our actions really reflect this attitude of
compassion. Let me talk about connection. When we connect with our hearts,
we can feel deeper connection to our own experience, that goes without saying, but
also to our feelings and emotions, as well as to the recognition of the deeper
connection we actually share with other folks in our
I call it the heartbeat of the universe. Alignment is another benefit of heart
-centeredness. When we center ourselves in our heart, we become aligned with what
really matters most to us. When we forget or don't remember to check in with our
heart and start following impulses rooted in fear, usually our mind, doubt or some
egoic thinking, we start to get out of balance and we begin to feel uncertain,
strained, and even lost. And finally, wisdom. Probably the biggest benefit of heart
centeredness. Well, the head is usually very busy and often overwhelmed, processing
thousands of thoughts, sensory input, and information. The heart,
the heart is much quieter, observing without the burden of excess noise.
The heart dwells in the most subtle realms of feeling and intuition. It experiences
everything that you and your brain do, but the information it receives is direct and
clear from the deep source within you. From this inner knowing comes great wisdom of
understanding of the truth of your experience and certainly your nature. When we look
into our hearts. We're actually able to access that deep wisdom and use it to
inform our minds with crucial information that actually it doesn't necessarily receive
from the outside world. So the heart is sourcing from within, not from without.
It's easy to allow the heart to take a backseat because most of us spend the
majority of our lives leading with our heads or our brains, preoccupied with the
immense amount of stimulus coming from the outside world. And that stimulus, and I'm
not judging, it's both good and bad, so there's no right or wrong, there's no
better or worse. Our work is we must actively remember to check in and connect with
the heart. We need our heart's wisdom to guide us through all of this outside
stimulus. So, remind yourself daily, hourly, from moment to moment,
you can ask yourself, "What is my heart telling me? What is my heart wanting me to
do?" Inviting you to become best friends. Because if anyone has your best interests
in mind, this kind of sounds silly. If anyone has your best interests in mind,
it's your heart. Thank you for sharing some head to heart time with me today. I
appreciate you