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Mainstream mental health is flawed and I’m pulling back the curtain.
I’m Andrea Clark, a former family therapist, who walked away from the system to expose the truth. After my own journey from medication maze to holistic healing, I’m here to challenge the status quo and reveal the mental health truths most people don’t know.
”The Truth About Mental Health” is your radical roadmap to wellness. Raw stories, expert insights, breakthrough solutions – this is where traditional modalities end and real healing begins.
Andrea Clark (00:00)
Hello, I'm so excited to be talking about this topic very openly with everybody today in this solo episode. I'm going to share a little bit about my sobriety or like sober curious, you know, alcohol free journey with you. I don't really wanna put a label on it because it's not like I've made any kind of declarations to myself or the world like I'm never drinking again or.
⁓ you know, I'm never toasting with champagne again, because you guys, I'm not going to lie. I love me a bougie glass of very fancy, expensive champagne every once in a while. ⁓ I love the taste. That is actually the only kind of alcohol that I actually enjoy the taste. So there's, there's so many facets to why somebody drinks. it can be cultural, right? It could be what you've always done. It can make you feel.
a kind of like maybe you actually do want to just dissociate and escape on some level, right? You want to feel a little disinhibited. You want your nervous system to relax, right? It can make you feel kind of lux and bougie and right. That's part of why I would drink at times. And then also for me, it was like, I'm cutting freaking loose. I would often say like, bad mom's day out, like kind of as a joke.
At least in this stage of life, like in my last, I would say decade of life, that is why I chose to drink, is to like cut some tension from the intense life that I was living and the business and all of the things. I could tell you why I used to drink when I was younger and it was a very different reason.
But I wanna talk more today to women who are in the same stage of life that I'm in, right? Like maybe you're in your mid thirties to mid late forties and you're really evaluating what's important to you, right? You've done a lot of things the way with the lens of the world telling you what success means or what being a mother means or.
what being a career woman means or a wife or whatever, and you're starting to really deconstruct those beliefs and also figure out what all of that means for you, right? It's like your midlife awakening or your perimenopausal awakening or whatever you wanna call it. For me, it's for sure an awakening to myself and to how I was truly designed.
my power and my presence and my peace and all sorts of things. And so I want to talk about drinking from that perspective. So the first thing is that there's very much a movement in the midlife world for women where they're talking a lot about what it actually does to your brain health, long-term, what it actually does for your physique, fat burning,
inflammation, I could go down the route of having a gene mutation like MTHFR, COMT, all those gene mutations and drinking and how your body is struggling to detox like that's me. And then once I finally realized that was so helpful for me, we could talk about all of the like negative things that come that truly actually come with drinking alcohol and how we've been lied to about how minor
alcohol is like a glass of wine a night and all this crap, we could talk about all that. I'm not gonna do that today. Like that's not really the point of this. I feel like most intelligent people who do their own research know that alcohol is actually very harmful to their body. Even like one drink. It's actually incredibly harmful to their body, okay? I think most of us know that, all right? People who research things, okay? So we're not gonna like get crazy into that.
Where I do want to talk about that a little bit is how, you're ⁓ on a health journey, if you're on a healing journey, if you're on some sort of like wellness journey, if you're on this journey to figuring out how to minimize perimenopause symptoms, or you have an autoimmune issue and you're struggling with flare ups and inflammation, but you're drinking, like this is actually a very disempowering thing to do if you,
I don't really believe that you can be on a healing journey and also be putting these types of crazy toxins in your body. These toxins, alcohol toxins, and also the experience of alcohol, like really is the polar opposite of healing, okay? And so that was something I had to discover for myself.
⁓ I've been on a healing journey for a really long time in my own physical body with autoimmune, with hormone issues, with sleep issues, and also a healing journey in my marriage, you know? And I realized that alcohol didn't help. It like kind of compounded the issue. And you guys, I didn't even drink that much. Like I would really cut loose like probably once every three months.
Maybe a little more frequently if like I had a girlfriend in town or I was traveling for work But I didn't even drink as much as a lot of people drink right but I just I felt like I was setting myself back in so many ways and this idea of like a bad mom's day out or Going on a trip and and just drinking and cutting loose the whole time like
I believe that a lot of women, especially successful women, driven women, women who are over-functioning in their life, women who are the caregiver in some way in a situation, women who have a lot of pressure on them to perform. I believe that when they drink, it is a way to... ⁓
cut that tension, it's a way to take like a mental break from that for a while. It's a way to let your hair down and become disinhibited for a little bit and like let that kind of melt away for a little while because that is a very heavy burden and that is why I drink.
I remember my 40th birthday, I was so excited. I was running a multiple six figure business, like making multiple six figures. Actually my business was doing multiple millions of dollars a year. I had a lot of people I was responsible to. I have an ex-husband I co-parent with. At the time my husband was experiencing severe chronic pain and needed back surgery that he was kind of refusing to get. had...
And that's just like scratching the surface. had so much. Also, I had a lot of unresolved junk and beliefs about what it meant to be successful. That success is power and that I need to push to make as much money as possible. Like all sorts of beliefs around that, right? Whether you have those beliefs or not, it doesn't matter. if you are carrying a heavy load and you're a very high functioning woman, a successful woman, right? The leader, a leader.
and you're drinking regularly, I invite you to ask yourself why. I know for me, drinking always comes with the consequence the next day, like you guys even one drink. Now for some of you, it doesn't. It doesn't, and that's fine. Or you think it doesn't, right? Or you can handle the little bit of brain fog or the little bit of sluggishness or whatever. You can push through and do your workout. You can drink lots of water and feel better in a couple of hours.
For me, even one drink often would mess up my sleep. And I wouldn't be 100 % the next day. I wouldn't be hungover, but I wouldn't be 100 % the next day. And I started asking myself if the way that drinking made me feel when I did drink, and by the way, I'm not even talking about getting drunk. I'm just talking about getting a nice little buzz, right? Or feeling relaxed, right? Or feeling like, my glass of wine, I'm so booze, or my glass of...
for me and my glass of champagne, I'm so good. Like, VUV is like one of my favorite, right? It's just like, so decadent, right? Is that worth what it would do to me? Not just only physically the next day, but also interrupting this process of presence in my life and actually facing the fact that I needed to make some real fucking changes in my life. Like I didn't need to drink to feel like a stress relief.
I didn't need to drink to feel like, yeah, I earned this. I worked my ass out. Like, I have a lot of entrepreneur friends, you guys, and there's this mentality sometimes of like, we freaking work our asses off. We're everything to everybody. We hold all this success and all this money and income. And like, we deserve to cut loose. Why do you have to cut loose? Why? That's the question I wanna ask is, and that's what I started asking myself is,
Why did I need to cut loose? What, how was I living that made me feel like I, it wasn't the success. It wasn't the money. It wasn't the multiple million dollar revenue business. wasn't the fact that I was married. It wasn't the fact that I was a mom. It was something else. It was how I was choosing to live my life, my own mentality and energy around my life, how I was functioning and over-functioning.
the things I was allowing to happen in my life. You guys, I still have a multimillion dollar business, but the way that I have a relationship with that business, the way I function in that business, my mentality around money, my mentality around success, my mentality around supporting other people and showing up is completely different. I don't need to drink to blow off steam around that. I just don't. And...
I don't feel this urge to like take something to make me feel disinhibited or relaxed or I can relax without it. And that's the thing that I really want to encourage you to question. And that's what I questioned is why do I feel like I've earned it or I need it or it's this rite of passage because I work so hard.
And what if I could figure out how to work hard without feeling like I need something to numb me out, to make me feel more disinhibited? Part of it was that for me, you guys, I was in such control all the time. I had so much responsibility and I controlled myself so much and I held so much.
that it was like alcohol was a gateway to just like becoming disinhibited and letting go for a while. And again, it wasn't about getting drunk, although sometimes that would happen, right? Like on my 40th birthday, I definitely drink a lot, but it was more about like this, like, yeah, I'm cutting loose. I'm like letting it all melt away for this short little time, right?
It was this like, I have to hold it all together and I show up for all these other people. So I can't just be disinhibited as a person at times. I can't be vulnerable. I can't do what I wanna do. I can't be the silly, goofy, sensual woman that I really am because right now I'm showing up as the fucking CEO, right? And...
I actually believe that you can live in a space where you're completely sober you're doing all of that in a way that feels good to you and that you don't have to drink to let that other part of you come through, right? Or to, it's not even come through to others. It's like to experience it yourself, to access it yourself. And even if you don't resonate with the CEO thing, maybe you don't have your own business, whatever, maybe you're a stay at home mom and you are
you know, care very deeply about your work there because that is work, ladies, and your role there. And then you cut loose with alcohol. Listen, if you wanna cut loose with alcohol, do it. You guys, this episode is not a guilt trip. This episode is not shaming. It is an invitation to explore if your, the reasons why you're drinking are really in alignment with who you wanna be, how you wanna live.
and how you wanna connect with yourself. And what I was finding is that drinking was allowing me to bypass doing the work to actually connect with those vulnerable parts of myself on a regular basis without any substances. I was bypassing a process that I needed to experience.
and walk through to have even deeper healing. I was bypassing a process. And I realized that and I wanted to stop bypassing it. And I wanted to be able to step into being who I truly am and meeting my own needs.
and being that other side of me, Like, or those other parts of like embracing those other, the softness, the vulnerability, the goofiness, the sensualness, like all these things without needing something to help me do that, right? Like an aid, right? Like a disinhibitor. I didn't want that to be, I didn't want that to be my reason for drinking anymore. And I can celebrate and be me and dance and.
grind on the dance floor and have a good time and just be a good time without having alcohol. Like I can become disinhibited. I can be a disinhibited woman and embrace that part of myself without alcohol. Now, I could do it on a certain level before, but I couldn't do it fully. And a lot of times I didn't want to have to do the work to get into that energy. Like that's just the truth, you guys.
And a lot of times these are automatic things and processes that we go through without really thinking about it. But like I said, I started really reflecting. a lot of it is like, you don't wanna have to do the work to get into that place where you're disinhibited, sober, and you're not worried about what other people are thinking, and you're just being free. So why not just drink, right? It gets you there faster. But then...
Like, is it real or is it manufactured? And for me, I'm like, I don't want to live manufactured anymore. Like I want, I want my loss of inhibitions being disinhibited. I want that to be like 100 % from a grounded sober place where I just feel like I can freaking be me. I can be me. I can feel all my feelings. I can fly without an aid. Okay. So
I'm not saying you should never drink again, I'm just inviting you into a conversation. I started to also find that, especially in the last few years that I was drinking and there was a lot of stress in my marriage, that it would allow me to just like dissociate from that a little bit. And like just,
take a break, take a mental, emotional break and vacation from life. Another way that I would do that is scrolling on my phone. There would be times that I was really upset with my spouse and I was just really overwhelmed and I just, was like, this is so fucking heavy. And I would go into my room, cozied out in my bed and just dissociate on my phone for hours. Okay? So,
Maybe for you, it's not alcohol when it comes to dissociation. And I also don't believe that all dissociation is bad. Like I think it's okay to shut your brain off for a little while and zone out, And so alcohol can be used as a form of dissociation. Like just...
not wanting to cope, not wanting to deal, taking a mental break. And it's hard to take a mental break when life is hard. It's hard to take a mental break when you're healing from an autoimmune issue or when you have a tumultuous marriage or when you have past trauma or when you have an insane career that's high pressure or a business or you're the breadwinner and you're bringing, you have to bring in money or you're a single mom. Like it's hard to take a break from that. It's hard to shut our brains off. And so then
A lot of times we look for things to help us shut our brain off. We look for things to make us feel pleasure. And my argument is that true healing means that you can tap in to turning you the volume down in your brain or accessing pleasure internally without any kind of aid That's also going to do damage to you, to numb you. That's going to disinhibit you to where
you might actually do and say things that don't even align with you. So I'm gonna give you guys an example because one of my besties came to town, my bestie likes to drink, no judgment there. And I internally didn't actually wanna drink. And I gave in and I did it anyway. And nobody was pressuring me, you guys. Like it wasn't even a conversation.
And so I was like, all right, I'll have one drink, like one drink, it's a day brunch, like that should be fine. And I was already having so much fun before the drinks even came. Like I'm at the point in my life where I can have a really good time without drinking. I can dance, I can be disinhibited, can access pleasure without drinking.
but I'm like, all my girlfriends are drinking. Like I gave in to peer pressure. And I'm 42 years old, you guys. Like how silly is that? So that just shows you that we're human. Okay. We're human and that this is something that can be challenging. I have a girlfriend who says that that's how she and her partner spend, like do have fun is they go out to different fun bars and
boutique places and try cocktails. And like, if she decides to stop drinking, that's going to change their activities together, or she's going to need, she's going to need to drink a mocktail and he can drink a cocktail and that, that might change the dynamic, right?
it's actually pretty significant. Like when you really take a look at your life and you look at like your moat, your, reasons, and you like look a little deeper than just your like surface level answer. Okay. So I chose to drink. I drank a drink and then I don't know what happened. I got caught up with within that and I ended up drinking more and I felt like utter shit the next day,
later in the day, I remember thinking, this is dumb. This is dumb. Like my, my girlfriend drank quite a bit, which is fine. So she ended up falling asleep on the couch and I'm not, again, I'm not mad at her like at all, but I'm like, my gosh, like she came to visit and she's asleep. And like, I just didn't hear.
feeling all like super buzzed and I'm like, wow, this feels like kind of a waste of an afternoon now, you know? And it wasn't about productivity, there was like a loss of connection. And then the next day we both felt a little bit hung over and tired and we hung out, but.
I think we would have hung out differently if we didn't feel that way. And that's what I mean by losing the connection to yourself. I want you to imagine all the days that you don't drink in your life, even if they're hard right now, right? And sometimes it's just like you're raw dogging it through your feelings and the hardship and the healing and the this, and you're like, fuck man, this is intense.
How much more connected though do you feel to yourself or the people in your life? And then when you drink and maybe you've been drinking with them and you're cutting loose and you're having fun, it's like fun, but do you feel connected to them?
it's fun to have fun with your girlfriends or it's fun to have fun with whoever, but it doesn't feel like I'm connected. And that's what humans truly crave is connection. And if you have things in your life or in your patterning, right? You have junk, you have trauma, have unresolved...
issues, emotions, whatever, that are hindering the connection. You will never have true connection ever until you resolve those things. What do I need to work through that drinking isn't my portal to feeling chill or my portal
to feeling like I can celebrate or my portal to feeling like I can access these parts of me. That's what really bothered me. And so now that I've done a lot of work and we're always in process, but I've done a lot of work, I don't feel like I need it to be a portal to access those things. And this recent incident where I did drink, like just reinforced that. I'm like, okay, like I...
I just, felt like a total waste. Like it wasn't even worth it for me. And like I said, it doesn't mean I'm never gonna drink again, but it definitely had me evaluating like, there was something that I got caught up, right? I do live in a city where the culture is a lot of partying and drinking and I'm not gonna lie you guys, I love me a good time.
to cut loose. am a party girl. But the thing that I realized from that day is like I can be a party girl without doing those types of things to my body if I don't want to. Right? Like I can access those parts myself. And I think that that's if you can't access certain parts of yourself and drinking is a way to do that or drinking is a way to numb or drinking is a way to blow off steam. I invite you to ask yourself like what's happening in your life that you need to blow off steam.
like this regularly, what's happening in your life that you can't access those parts of yourself because you'll never truly like be whole if you are bypassing the process of connecting to yourself, of like healing whatever you need to heal to access those parts of yourself, right? Or whatever it is. If you can't blow off steam in a way that is like healthy and ⁓
more healing and more connected to yourself, there's a reason. There's a reason. Like there's a reason for everything, right? If you can't be the girl who wants to dance sensually sober, but you have that deep desire inside of you and you only do it when you're drinking, there's a reason. If you, you know, can't feel like you're a fun person or that you can like have as much fun unless you're drinking.
there's a reason. And so if you never explore those reasons, it doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. I'm like, this is not about that, but it's like, if you never explore those reasons, then you're never going to be able to fully access those parts of yourself, even with drinking. Right? So that's where I'm at in my sobriety journey
And right now I'm really enjoying it. I'm really enjoying how I feel not drinking. I'm enjoying the results that it's giving me being in perimenopause and going through, you know, a healing, a physical healing journey and an emotional mental healing journey. And it's challenging me to look at different things in my life that are creating any kind of urge to
like blow off steam or cut loose, it's making me question, I living in alignment? Am I living in a way that works for me and creates more harmony? Listen, it doesn't mean hard things aren't gonna happen. You guys, I have stress all the time. I actually have a very stressful life, but the way that my life is right now and the way that I'm having a relationship with my life and with myself,
doesn't make me feel like I need to escape it. Doesn't make me feel like I wanna numb out for a period of time. Doesn't make me feel like, my gosh, I just wanna cut loose to the point where I don't even have to deal with this for a night, right? That's what I mean, you guys. Because I'm doing the work. I'm doing the work to heal.
to heal my marriage and to let go of things that don't serve me, to have boundaries, mentally, emotionally, energetically, physically if needed, right? So that I don't feel like I need to escape my life, even if it's for a night, right? And that's the whole point. That's the whole point of asking these types of questions to yourself outside of the actual...
health issues, detriment that this chemical does cause. So I hope this was valuable to you. And if you're on a like sober curious or a journey to really awakening yourself, I want you to know, like, especially if you're a woman around my age, who's like going through this self awakening process, I want to encourage you to do it for 90 days sober, like raw dog it. want.
It's so empowering because it actually gives you even more clarity to see the other areas of your life that you're maybe like tucking away or blunt or like making yourself blind to or that your patterning hasn't picked up yet or your subconscious or your conscious hasn't really picked up yet on your nervous system is just like stuck in this like mode. And when you're sober, it doesn't interrupt that discovery process as much it like
helps you expand and connect to yourself more at the same time. Whereas when you're interrupting it with substances in a way, you're like perpetuating your unhealthy patterns. You're perpetuating your trauma. You're perpetuating your inability to see clearly, right? To make different choices. So I hope that this is empowering to you. And if you're on this journey, let me know if you've got something from this, if some aha happened.
Please shoot me a DM on my personal profile, Andrea dot Clark dot MFT and let me know what you gleaned from this and I'll see you guys in the next episode.