The illusion of effortless wellbeing

"Everyone seems to have it all figured out!" "Why can everyone do it but me?" Moving beyond picture-perfect and resisting the performance of wellness. Shattering the illusion of effortless wellbeing.

Read the full article here: The illusion of effortless wellbeing by Jake Ernst on Substack

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Jake Ernst

What is Just Trying To Help?

I’m Jake Ernst and I’m a therapist. Life's already hard enough. Managing the stress of modern life shouldn't be.

In today's digital age, where we all have the option to put our lives on display, the pressure to broadcast and display certain aspects of ourselves has become a dominant theme.

In a way, it’s almost like each of us are operating our own cable news program, but instead, we’re the actor, the director, and the producer. There’s a communal pressure to showcase oneself in a positive light— the more intentional, desirable, and effortless your life appears to be, the more people want to tune in.

From awe-inspiring morning routines to mental health tips, and from “what-I-eat-in-a-day” videos to extremely tidy houses, social media is inundated with people showcasing their picture-perfect healthy lifestyles. These people we watch seem to have it all figured out, creating an illusion of effortless wellness that can leave many of us feeling inadequate, incapable, and not good enough.

While I could write about how the wellness industry and health influencers are reshaping culture, this article isn’t about that. Lately, I’ve been noticing how these trends are reshaping the viewers. While some people are broadcasting their healthy lifestyles online, the audience and their viewers may be internalizing the pressure to live the same life others are.

Unmasking the performance of wellness

In a world that places a premium on results and appearances, it's easy to get trapped in the cycle of performing a life of wellness rather than truly living it. People often strive to emulate the lives of these influencers, convinced that by following their footsteps, they can achieve the same level of happiness, health, and even wealth. The pressure to conform to the standards set by people we watch online can lead to a myriad of physical, mental, emotional, and social health issues. It leaves us copying what others are doing rather than focusing on what we need personally.

Wellness and living a healthy lifestyle isn’t as effortless as the people you follow online make it seem. No one, not even those who appear to have mastered wellness, has all the solutions. Though they inspire us and give us a vision for what’s possible, the people you see behind your screens are human too. They make mistakes. They have bad days. They have big emotions. And they also have negative cycles they’re trying to break.

The self-imposed expectation to be like other people we watch online might be keeping us stuck and holding us back. Hearing that other people online are human just like you are might feel unsettling at first, especially if you’ve grown to idolize or romanticize their life as compared to yours. In a way, it bursts our bubble, right? It breaks the illusion we’ve created in our minds of who we think they are. It reminds me of Dorothy’s reaction in the Wizard of Oz, when the curtain is pulled back to reveal the truth about “the magic” of Oz.

Health burnout is real

The pressure to perform a healthy lifestyle is exhausting. Ironically, the pursuit of wellness can often lead to burnout. The constant striving for an unattainable standard of health optimization can drain individuals of their energy, purpose, and joy. It is more tiring to perform a healthy lifestyle for the sake of appearances than it is to authentically live one.

The pitfalls of performing wellness are manifold. People who put on a facade of wellness often prioritize appearances over their actual well-being. They may push themselves to extremes, engaging in restrictive diets, excessive exercise, or adopting unproven wellness trends, all in an effort to maintain the illusion of wellness and the perception of peace and happiness. It goes without saying, but this can cause us to develop an unhealthy relationship with our health and our bodies. The body can’t keep up with that level of stress and pressure, so it has to burnout. The body burns out as a way of slowing down; to get us to re-focus, re-energize, and re-generate.

Conforming to unhealthy standards for healthy living can also contribute to feelings of inadequacy and comparison. Many individuals end up feeling like they're failing because they can't achieve the same level of perfection as the people they see online, which for some decreases self-esteem, heightens anxiety, and may even cause someone to avoid the things that are actually healthy for them.

Authentic wellness is the way forward

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is a journey filled with its fair share of challenges. Facing challenges is part of the experience of being human. There is no filter that will cover up that truth. Contrary to the glossy images and polished narratives we encounter, wellness is not a linear path paved with constant success. The reality is that even those who seem to have it all together on social media have their moments of struggle, self-doubt, and setbacks. Despite what you see, perfection doesn’t exist.

Instead of chasing an unattainable ideal, it's time we shift our focus toward authentic wellness. Authentic wellness involves recognizing and embracing the imperfections, ambiguities, and complexities of life. It means understanding that self-care isn't always glamorous and that taking care of oneself doesn't always have to be an opportunity for a photoshoot. It means that we don’t have anything to prove to anyone. We don’t have to broadcast our wellness rituals and we don’t have to constantly signal to others that we’re healthy and working on ourselves.

The facade of inauthentic wellness

Rather than focusing on what others are doing, authentic wellness is about turning inward. To do so, we can learn to listen to our bodies and prioritize what truly nourishes us, rather than performing the version of wellness that’s supposed to. This could mean choosing a balanced diet that includes indulgences, engaging in exercises that bring you personal strength rather than unnecessary strain, and cultivating meaningful connections that support social and emotional well-being.

In a world dominated by curated content and carefully crafted personas, it's crucial to unmask the facade of inauthentic wellness. No one has all the answers and no one has it all figured out. In a way, I think we tell ourselves this so that we can believe that progress is possible and the life we want to live is attainable. It’s reassuring to believe that a better life is possible, as evidenced by what we see online. However, I’ll always maintain that the true path to wellbeing lies in embracing our imperfections, being kind in our expectations, prioritizing relationships, and giving ourselves permission to do what feels good.

Authentic wellness is not about fitting into a mold. It’s about finding your own path towards feeling good and building in strategies for when you don’t.