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One year ago, I had my first real encounter with God—what started as recurring nightmares turned into the most profound spiritual awakening of my life. In this episode, Steve and I open up about my journey into faith, how the Holy Spirit showed up in dreams, and why prayer, worship, and scripture transformed everything. From YouTube algorithms to a divine meeting with Pastor Mike Todd, this is my honest testimony of learning to pray, tithe, and walk with God. If you've ever questioned your worthiness, this is for you.
Join our Newsletter to stay up to date with Marley and Steve: https://www.TheRareThings.com
Rare Things is a podcast for those who refuse to settle for ordinary and crave perspectives that challenge the status quo. Each episode dives into conversations where rare perspectives create extraordinary lives. We talk to people who have done RARE things, defying the odds, challenging the status quo, and turning their wildest dreams into reality.
[SPEAKER_04]: how do spouses work together?
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, when Alice and Armstrong, she talked about how sometimes women will hold sex over a man because if they say no, you know, they're like holding the power and they can manipulate like, well, we're not going because you didn't take out the garbage or whatever.
[SPEAKER_04]: can just kind of stone wall and then it's like, hey, when you enter to marriage, you and your husband signed up for like, you are always going to eat in the same kitchen every night.
[SPEAKER_04]: And if you are the one that decides the kitchen is closed because I said so, what does that do for the man?
[SPEAKER_04]: And so, it was this kind of framework of
[SPEAKER_04]: Keep the kitchen open, but you are so allowed to have your boundaries.
[SPEAKER_04]: We've transferred this to business.
[SPEAKER_04]: You and I both came from previous marriages where we kind of ended up in a situation where our ambitions or our growth were kind of threatening to the other person.
[SPEAKER_04]: I felt like there was a request to sacrifice my dream to keep my partner, my ex-husband safe in what he wanted.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's, that's a really hard place to end up because it's like, there's no winning.
[SPEAKER_04]: Today we were gonna talk about a common question that we received.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone I was asking me about my hair routine.
[SPEAKER_04]: Everyone asked me about my skin care routine.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone asked me about my skin care routine.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone asked me about my skin care routine.
[SPEAKER_04]: No one in the history of ever has ever asked me about my skin care routine.
[SPEAKER_04]: So I don't believe when anyone ever says that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone asked me about mine.
[SPEAKER_04]: I can tell.
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, I think when we started the rare things podcast and we put out some posts where we said, what are some of the topics you'd want us to cover?
[SPEAKER_04]: One that was pretty popular that we are asked in person from people of all different backgrounds to is how do spouses work together well?
[SPEAKER_04]: Another tangent of that kind of question is how do I get my spouse to join the business or support the business, support me in what I'm doing in my business, and a great question.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I love you as.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they're related questions, but I mean, it's funny.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can tell sometimes when, because I am that we definitely are actually asked this question, you know?
[SPEAKER_04]: Everyone asks me all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone asks me all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, no, they don't.
[SPEAKER_01]: But this one actually keeps you asking.
[SPEAKER_04]: You're just not good at writing hooks.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just bad at hooks.
[SPEAKER_01]: So then when someone actually is asking the rest of us something makes us like we're not being asked that.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we are an expert on this question because we have mastered it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Mastered.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why we're qualified to give it a response.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is though, I feel like half the time when we're asked what they're like working together.
[SPEAKER_01]: Half of it is that they're just, they want to hear, they want to hear how we got each other on board.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think it's interesting.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's similar to when people ask what their morning routine is.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's interesting to hear other perspectives.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: What they're really asking is, I want help with my morning routine.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's worth it.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, all the options on the table.
[SPEAKER_01]: But working together though.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we have a, in working day, either we have a yours mine in our situation.
[SPEAKER_04]: We have our individual businesses and we have businesses together.
[SPEAKER_04]: We have plans for future businesses.
[SPEAKER_04]: We also have plans for separate businesses.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think for a while, we talked about that too of what should it be like.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we looked for inspiration outside of ourselves too.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: So we've asked this question.
[SPEAKER_04]: That question too.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we've gotten a, you know, a Schmoggers Board of Answers.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: a buffet of answers, if you will.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Take your pick.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I did find a lot of answers, though, and a book that was given to me by friend that it was the book.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have the Spear Man.
[SPEAKER_01]: Great book.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's every time I say that title, you have the same reaction.
[SPEAKER_04]: I also want a preface because we've also had to like put it a disclaimer on this book that sometimes the title makes it sound like toxic masculinity.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's not what it is.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's not at all.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I love, I gift this book to my friends, husbands.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then we've gotten the feedback from those friends and their husbands to be like, whoa.
[SPEAKER_04]: for multiple reasons, for their intimacy, for their intimacy.
[SPEAKER_04]: And it also is, I think, a big reason why we are together.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: But so in that book, it talks a lot about the role between the masculine and a feminine.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the message I was just listening to before we pressed record on this was from one of my clients.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was saying how some of the copy formulas, she's like that was very masculine, but we need to be written for feminine.
[SPEAKER_01]: And my point is, is that business kind of as a masculine pursuit, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so one of the things that can be challenging in a relationship where both like the man and the woman are both working together is that it's can kind of be both a masculine pursuit.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what I wanted to learn how to do and I kind of became aware of that before you and I came together.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to be able to create a situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you guys work together?
[SPEAKER_01]: They're needed to be room for me to be fine with another masculine energy.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're extremely feminine.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not what I'm saying.
[SPEAKER_04]: But we're also going to talk about how you've allowed me to be feminine too.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I wanted to create a scenario where when the work day is over,
[SPEAKER_01]: you get a chance to go back to the feminine and I invite you with more masculine to do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's a way to do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes it means like I need a little space when I come back home for a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of just transition or I need a little.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's creating scenarios where you're not constantly being invited back to the masculine and let's you rest.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think one of the dangers is in couples where they both work together or in the same business or whatever it is simultaneously is if there's no hard lines in the sand on like, hey, business hours are now open, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Then it means business hours are always open, which means it can constantly invite you always back to the masculine.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it means that it actually can throw off the relationship part of the relationship where we can flip back and forth, instead of having like our business life, and our home life, and granted our home life, we do a lot of business stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: We talk ideas, but if it's this constant thing where we gotta put on, you know,
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the things I like the most in the book way this fair man is it talks about how the masculine is very directed focused energy, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas feminine is more like the ocean, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: The, um, and uses those examples for it's like the masculine is a, is a channel like a river, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's directed energy, where the feminine is more like the ocean.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's times where the ocean can storm, but it's very all encompassing and very beautiful, can swallow you up kind of a thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, but if the,
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm constantly, hey, let me keep brainstorming with you late into the night force you into your masculine while we make directed decisions.
[SPEAKER_01]: It actually means that you can't be family ones for this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's, that's where my head goes is like, how can I, there's a lot of answers to this.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think in the square of it, like in my head, it comes down to do we have, um,
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, not that we don't ever just spit all ideas back at fourth, but in brainstorm, but like, is there a way that I can foster your femininity outside of business hours, which is actually where your rest comes?
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I'm constantly like, stay in the masculine, it can burn out your feminine, you know?
[SPEAKER_04]: And in business, like, before we were together, I obviously didn't run a business with you before I was with you.
[SPEAKER_04]: When I was like running my business by myself,
[SPEAKER_04]: I wasn't a lot of like masculine.
[SPEAKER_04]: Because masculine is a little more like go hunt pursue chase.
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
[SPEAKER_03]: Get the deal.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't think I had the awareness or framework to come into them.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I didn't actually understand the differences between those kind of different frameworks or states.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so after my divorce, I started to learn about that and started wearing pink and had pictures of beautiful and powering women in my house that were reminders of to have that balance.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then in relationship and in business with you,
[SPEAKER_04]: We've kind of found where, yes, I can still be in my masculine and certain states, but then also where we can find our certain strengths and where we are empowered and places where like, I want you to lead in these areas and you know that I have strengths leading in some of these areas where I can be in masculine or feminine.
[SPEAKER_04]: And when you were saying,
[SPEAKER_04]: I started to think of the five core functions of business, like lead generation, lead nurture, lead conversion, fulfillment, retention upsell.
[SPEAKER_04]: Some of those seem more masculine and some seem more feminine.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I would say that lead nurture, fulfillment, male, but there's also masculine, feminine to both.
[SPEAKER_04]: So I don't want to pitch a whole it.
[SPEAKER_04]: But yeah, like it's the play off of each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then we don't necessarily have like, hey, after five o'clock, we don't talk about business because we love what we do.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also ideas come randomly.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: But we also have frameworks for you mentioned you might come brainstorm with me at night and I know because I made mistakes on this, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like you're like, I'm literally in bed and I'm like, oh, sorry.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm keeping you up.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, I'm just trying to get some like literally recharge physically, but also emotionally and like, oh, man.
[SPEAKER_04]: But at the same time, I'm like, I love this.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't want to miss the opportunity to speak with you.
[SPEAKER_04]: But we've came up with, we have a framework that is just like one word that it's our trigger word or keyword.
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's pumpkin.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: I am turning into a pumpkin right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as you say that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know hands off like one word which she's really saying which really what you're the saying is I need you to get out of here.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm gonna call from zero to a hundred.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's like a giant in my hair and I'm grateful for having you.
[SPEAKER_01]: But there's there's literally a lighter run.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've already lit in it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So like how many inches of weight do you want me to get to lighting the stick of dynamite?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not out of anything negative at all.
[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, it's created this really powerful safety.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and where I got it from was I took a relationship.
[SPEAKER_04]: Of course, years ago, like my early twenties, it was called Pax, a woman named Allison Armstrong, and she talked about this framework.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was actually a framework for intimacy, sex, and a relationship where she talked about this so, I mean, you hear this now, it's like, oh, of course, but at the time, it was like,
[SPEAKER_04]: Let me just get into it.
[SPEAKER_04]: She talked about how sometimes women will hold sex over a man because if they say no, you know, they're like holding the power and they can manipulate like, well, we're not going because you didn't take out the garbage or whatever or they can just kind of stone wall and then it's like, hey, when you enter to marriage,
[SPEAKER_04]: your you and your husband signed up for like you are always gonna eat in the same kitchen every night and if you are the one that decides the kitchen is closed because I said so what does that do for the man and so it was this you know kind of framework of keep the kitchen open but you are so allowed to have your boundaries to say listen yes the kitchen is open we are entered we've entered this marriage for this for this this is one of the reasons why we're in this marriage but
[SPEAKER_04]: If you ask to eat in the kitchen after ten o'clock the kitchen is closed because that's what I need to sleep or these hours when I'm taking care of the kids and then the the code word is pumpkin like after ten o'clock the pump the carriage the carriage turns into a pumpkin and no one's getting a ride yeah that's a great yes so we've we've transferred this to
[SPEAKER_04]: Business we we could talk all the time about our ideas and frameworks and I know I do it to you too like I'll come into your office three times and I'm be like oh here's this thing too and here's this thing too you've never said pumpkin to me Do you have a
[SPEAKER_01]: I think you can just tell when I'm in slow.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I want to hear this, but I just can't.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then I tiptoed backwards out the door, shove food under the door.
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, see you later.
[SPEAKER_01]: Throw water bottles at me.
[SPEAKER_04]: Stay alive.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm coming back with it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no.
[SPEAKER_01]: I also think that it's cool though that we have agreed that Honeymoon is on a phase.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a lifestyle, but it's a decision.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that it all love doesn't infatuation period, just this very normal and chemical.
[SPEAKER_01]: But after that, it's nothing more than a simple decision.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this thing that you do because of that decision.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've loved, we're pretty good having a consistent date night.
[SPEAKER_04]: It took us a while to figure out when it was.
[SPEAKER_04]: We tried to make it like every Tuesday.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then we're like, in the middle of the week or something, it's just tough.
[SPEAKER_04]: So no, I made it Friday because it's like, oh, that's the, it's easier at the end of the week.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Even if there is a function or something on a Friday, we'll make that into our date night.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, or we like, hey, we got something else going on or like this week we're doing it on Sunday and so to Friday.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like we're just some play that happens there back and forth, but, you know, working with your significant significant other does not take the place of dating.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so different than dating.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we go on so many business trips that what we've talked about doing is having, when we have the calendar, we have a few calendars in our house, we have a family calendar, we have our business calendars, there's some overlap in them.
[SPEAKER_04]: But when we set up the year, we put the personal stuff first and then the business around it and sure there will be business trips that we tack on time to the anxious.
[SPEAKER_04]: Why not?
[SPEAKER_04]: But, and then in how we work together in business, I think there's just, you talk about all the time, the roles and goals.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, roles and goals.
[SPEAKER_04]: What our strengths and weaknesses are, and the transparency in that of, we actually, we were talking to a friend the other day, and we asked him the same question of, because he's also a very leader in an entrepreneurial space and gets the same question to, and he was like,
[SPEAKER_04]: Often when people are asking about like, how do I get my spouse on board?
[SPEAKER_04]: It's also a how honest am I being in my communication?
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's something that like we've grown over time of just having such transparency on here's what's on the table for me.
[SPEAKER_04]: Here's my constraints.
[SPEAKER_04]: Here's what I'm struggling with.
[SPEAKER_04]: had struggles around like messes in the house from the kids like not doing the dishes or something and I'm like they're yelling at me my brain can't think and then to have the space to you actually help me work through that to be like hey now I realize thanks to how we can mental volley with each other the dishes in the sink is not a threat to my survival
[SPEAKER_04]: And I can still communicate to say like, hey kids, personally, let's do the dishes.
[SPEAKER_04]: But it's also allowed me to change my mindset to realize that this threat to my survival of the dishes was an illusion.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so that also opens up other conversations we can have in business about decisions we're making or tasks we're taking on.
[SPEAKER_01]: Also think that dating as an entrepreneurial couple is very many each other is it's essential and it's essential because you're changing so much as an individual at a faster rate than the rest of humanity.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like I can look back even four years ago and who I was, I'm a different person and that's really when you and I started
[SPEAKER_01]: dating four years ago and we're so weak we're so different so fast it's kind of unrecognizable and blinding it could be very threatening to people outside of the entrepreneurial space because like how you're growing just so quick and you don't realize it you know it's like not realizing that your hair grew after the you know one day later you know you just don't know
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you don't, I feel like one of the purposes of consistent dating is to continue to remeet each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, this is how I've been changing over the last week.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and you're, that's really what's happening is a reintroduction of a new you, and the subtle changes so that you're taking your significant other with you on the journey rather than, because I ran into, I know you ran into this as well, where it's like, you grow so fast, business can be busy, you know, and you can go months or years down the line and then suddenly look back and go, wait, you're over there, holy crap, I didn't mean to be, and it's not no ill intent, but I'm actually over here.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're on different paths now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I credit the fact that you and I, even if we've missed a date or whatever, didn't even have that habit for a while.
[SPEAKER_01]: we keep meeting each other and there's also the license to change.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's license to grow licenses to develop with that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that it takes too much to often people are like, how do you, how do you get your spouse on board?
[SPEAKER_01]: Or how do you, you know, what's it like being business with each other?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that there's like a tactical answer and it's more of a mindset.
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, look, I'm going to change.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to change.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just make it so safe to do so.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's like a foundation and value in our relationship is that we want to change.
[SPEAKER_04]: We know we're going to change and also don't deny me the opportunity to be the person next to you while you change.
[SPEAKER_04]: Don't feel like this change is going to be hard and are they going to agree with it?
[SPEAKER_04]: I want to be next to you on that, no matter what direction you're taking.
[SPEAKER_04]: And as long as we're communicating along the way, it's not like one day I'll be blindsided with, oh my gosh, you're doing this thing over here.
[SPEAKER_04]: How did I not know if we're doing it together?
[SPEAKER_04]: You and I both came from previous marriages where we kind of ended up in a situation where our ambitions or our growth were kind of threatening to the other person, or at least I can say that for myself.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that was a big thing that ended the marriage because it was like, are we gonna,
[SPEAKER_04]: I felt like there was a request to sacrifice my dream to keep my partner, my ex-husband safe in what he wanted.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's a really hard place to end up because it's like there's no winning.
[SPEAKER_04]: There's no winning there because there's going to be resentment on one side if you can't come to a solution.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think I love this quote, I think of the Hermosie, someone that said it, that the game is one in the draft.
[SPEAKER_04]: When we entered into our relationship, and we had friends that joked of the way we entered into our relationship was like we were detonating in a Tommy bomb.
[SPEAKER_04]: We were so cautious.
[SPEAKER_04]: we have and I still have in the office over there a list of all the reasons why we shouldn't be together.
[SPEAKER_04]: That was also one of my coping mechanisms to try to hold you off longer while I was trying to figure out my own personal therapy to accept that the way this is a healthy relationship while I've been so used to all these emotional and available relationships I did work some stuff out in my mind.
[SPEAKER_04]: But we did some therapy individually and together because we were so
[SPEAKER_04]: cautious of we had codependent relationships previously.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I remember I had a friend that when you were starting to pursue me and I was like, I don't know, she was like, you're dumb.
[SPEAKER_04]: Stephen's amazing.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then she said this thing that she's like Steve Larson is not someone you just date.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that also scared me too because it's like, as much as I want the happily ever after fairy tale,
[SPEAKER_01]: wait for real like this is serious and he's also healthy and amazing and all those things kind of an all-in or all-out guy right and it reminds me of the song that you kept playing at the beginning of our relationship grow as we go grow as we go yeah because there was a it was a long ago i remember there was uh... i remember i i i came to a set down next to you and i said hey look
[SPEAKER_01]: I am not executing in business like I know that I should because I know how fast I change and how much I can swallow me up and I actually want that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember this?
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I said, I am also concerned though that me going and doing that, you're going to see a new form of me showing up that would push you away.
[SPEAKER_04]: because that's what you, because that was your evidence in previous relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: That going all in in the business again and having fun in that again and creating it just fun speed again for me and that it would push away relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we talked about that and that's when you said, and you just, I mean, you floored me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I just, I thought about this like crazy and you said, don't deny me.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what you said.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't deny me the opportunity to love you as you grow.
[SPEAKER_04]: I want that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like holy crap.
[SPEAKER_01]: I never thought that existed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that is such a cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's such a cool mindset because I think where sometimes entrepreneurs kind of get screwed over is pop culture and even in songs.
[SPEAKER_01]: Songs are about like, oh, you changed.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to sacrifice.
[SPEAKER_04]: You can give it all up and has to be hard.
[SPEAKER_04]: And you're going to be a part to find love.
[SPEAKER_01]: But even like the whole like
[SPEAKER_01]: their songs were just like making fun of the fact that the other person changed of course they changed it's called life you know and people are like you changed even like yeah I hated diapers you know so I grew and then I kept growing and then I kept changing and I'm always going to and so I'm remeading me just as much as you are but if you're not with someone who
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I think there's something to be said of someone who doesn't want to support you and as you grow.
[SPEAKER_01]: So also to be something we said for someone who doesn't want to support you because they are so insecure they're desperately clinging to just consistency because it's the devil they know.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_04]: And that understanding can change how you both show up to it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: If you're in a really healthy marriage, you both want to see each other live full out, full ambitious, reckless abandon, happiness, joy, bliss, of course the challenges that come with that.
[SPEAKER_04]: But if you're strong, you go through them together.
[SPEAKER_04]: So why wouldn't you want that for each other?
[SPEAKER_04]: And if it is just like one of those hard conversations that the only way out is through.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's not something you can stay surface level or sugar code.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like, this is my dream.
[SPEAKER_04]: This is where I want to go.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I want to tell you this, even though it feels hard and I hope that you love me on the other side.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to change and I hope that you still love me for who I become.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so when we had, you know, I'm paraphrasing, but that conversation, I was like,
[SPEAKER_04]: That sounds amazing.
[SPEAKER_04]: Of course, that's what I want.
[SPEAKER_04]: Please don't hold yourself back for me.
[SPEAKER_04]: What an illusion you would be doing a disservice to both of us because you going full out.
[SPEAKER_04]: Only is going to inspire me.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know what, but there also might be times where it triggers me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if it does, that doesn't mean don't go.
[SPEAKER_04]: It means there's an area to look at here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and then become these catalysts for hypergrowth and each other, not to your trying to like, piss each other off.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we don't do that, and I love that we don't, I just, no room for games, I'm not, no room for that, you know, and I love that we don't do those manipulative dumb things for each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're just open and honest, but, but you pursuing
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, for example, you go out and you do this video, the cancel culture video.
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you go and you do, uh, you literally win a film festival in New York.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're first one.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it's shown, shown to the president of Paramount.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, it's like, holy, all this stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was sitting there and I was like, crap, why don't I think of that?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was inspiring.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's the context that needs to be created when you're with
[SPEAKER_01]: is that there does need to be a sense of self that's strong enough that says go fly, be a rocket ship.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to be inspired by you rather than threatened by you because we both also came from that where it's like our growth would threaten the other even though we weren't trying to.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I love that about us.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it about us that there's these.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll do something and you're like, man, it's awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we had to remove any kind of comparative framework.
[SPEAKER_01]: comparative or competitive competitive we're not trying to do each other where I'm different roads different paths and they do intertwined in certain places but like I remember when he first said like I want to go be in Hollywood and my question in my head wasn't I wonder if she can make it it was how will I handle when she is oh my gosh what I'm gonna say to Robert Downey Jr.
[SPEAKER_01]: I only know two of his movies oh my gosh like I don't know any of these actors names and it's funny because that's actually what it causing me
[SPEAKER_01]: rather than just being like, oh, castrate your dreams.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, cute job, but hopefully you do it pat on the head.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, instead it's just I'm full in.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm full here, but then it's funny because what actually happened was like, I got to go, like, out of whole session on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like,
[SPEAKER_01]: How am I going to go handle it when Marley's like, will you be famous?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I talked to a lot of my friends and they helped me go through like, yeah, okay, look at all the spouses of super famous people like what do they do?
[SPEAKER_01]: What are they not?
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where I put my focus on rather than because I don't know how to handle it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, let me down play your dream.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to keep you back subconsciously and try to, you know, try to go mess with your vision because I can't handle it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I just knew out of the gate that if we had that kind of relationship, like it wouldn't last, because I'm going to grow like crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just a great deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this was half the reason for this podcast is that's rare.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is rare.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's one other part I wanted to bring up with this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that it's neat that when we're with each other like you're you have your business I have mine There's this really unique license we've given to each other to both Be by each other's side as we grow celebrate the growth I'll keep remeading you we'll keep dating as we go But there's also this I've noticed we've both done it
[SPEAKER_01]: where you can tell, I think you can tell that you think I'm about to go make a business mistake.
[SPEAKER_01]: And instead of saving, you'll mention and then let me.
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, I know, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then I'll do the same.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, we're not, we're not codependent on each other's a person, but also not codependent on like the success of my business was reflecting of you.
[SPEAKER_01]: The success of your business reflected of me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Therefore, I'm gonna be super hyper involved in everybody's decision-making, even though it's not my business.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like, there's, and so it's cool because we've also created its relationship where I'm on my own path and fifty percent of the mistakes I make, maybe you saw ahead of time.
[SPEAKER_01]: and you didn't save me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And some might look at that as a form of not love, but I think it's exactly the opposite.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's exactly the opposite, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's all the things that you've done, and I'm like, you know, yeah, I don't know that I've done that other gate anyway.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not that we're not saying anything.
[SPEAKER_01]: We usually do say something to each other, but then we'll also just like, I'm celebrating your route, your celebrating my route, and the bumps that go on the way.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it was not really about the
[SPEAKER_01]: decision.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there's something internally that old Steve, he just had to rough out the rough patch.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, smooth it out a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to go through it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_04]: If someone helps the experience for you, will you actually get the lesson?
[SPEAKER_04]: And yeah, I love that we've been able to, you know, you'll, you'll say to me, like, hey, mirror.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, that's your way of saying mirror.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I hold the mirror per quick?
[SPEAKER_04]: Can I, you've actually physically, I picked up the wall mirror once, mirror?
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I was like, never had the mirror on the bed like this.
[SPEAKER_04]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's intimidating.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I love that that's our word.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's our word.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, hey, can I tell you something that
[SPEAKER_04]: I, and that I'd like to reflect to you, and it's like asking for permission to maybe say something hard.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we also have the framework of me being able to say like, hey, this feels hard.
[SPEAKER_04]: And will you still love me on the other side?
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know this is yet, but I have to say it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, sometimes we also, if we don't know how to label the emotion that we're feeling, if there's like a tension, but we're like, I don't know what this is.
[SPEAKER_04]: We'll just say like, I can't name this.
[SPEAKER_04]: But there's something I'm feeling.
[SPEAKER_04]: Are you feeling something?
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's faster.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to bring it up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's really cool that we do that.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I can think of things that you've hinted at me, like in my business, I have
[SPEAKER_04]: And actually, it was listening to a podcast this morning about sometimes it's good to have financial constraints because it makes you be more creative.
[SPEAKER_04]: And sometimes my mechanism, my coping mechanism, just like throw money at the problems, and you have been a really good inspiration to me of being more creative with solving problems and being more frugal with your money in a good way.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I've spent differently than you.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I now
[SPEAKER_04]: have learned the hard way that I need to be more like you in that way.
[SPEAKER_04]: And you've hinted at some of those things to me, like you've been a mirror for me.
[SPEAKER_04]: But if you just said, Marley, you've got to stop spending like this.
[SPEAKER_04]: Don't spend your money here.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's not a good idea.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like that would come down like a parent or like a control thing.
[SPEAKER_04]: And how could I hear you if you were to do that?
[SPEAKER_04]: You've never spoken to me like that.
[SPEAKER_04]: But the way that you could hand to be like, this is something you may consider.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then I figured out my own, I'm like, oh, Stephen did say that.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I didn't, I wasn't, I didn't hear it in the way that I needed to at the time.
[SPEAKER_04]: And now I learned it experientially and Kumbaya.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's fun though that we both have done that to each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know you've done it to me also where
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay, let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: I got it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to put another thing out.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, hey, I'll say it like three days because I'm going to go hibernate and build a funnel stuff food under the floor and yeah, I'll go stuff food under the floor, but you know, honestly, like you could just take three hours and set up building another funnel just what if you like
[SPEAKER_04]: Responded all your DMs.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, oh, there's money in here.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can just close these deals now, right?
[SPEAKER_04]: There's literally people asking how to sell.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like shorting the distance to the sale for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it took a little off from me to stuff my own toe and be like, but you didn't save me.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you didn't rob me of the experience that I needed to go through.
[SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm like, holy crap.
[SPEAKER_01]: Marlowe, say it to me a bit ago, but like we do that without trying to control each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's that's rare.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I like that there's the safety for that of being able to ask for it, too.
[SPEAKER_04]: You'll be like, hey, project, please.
[SPEAKER_01]: Project, I got one.
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you say in spot?
[SPEAKER_01]: I can tell if you can't see it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Could you tell me what you see?
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know what we have that safety in trust.
[SPEAKER_04]: What better mastermind is there.
[SPEAKER_04]: In previous relationships, I've been in.
[SPEAKER_04]: There's been more attack and defend.
[SPEAKER_04]: And when are you gonna?
[SPEAKER_04]: And maybe a little bit of silent treatment or cold shoulder or some of these are just the coping mechanisms that
[SPEAKER_04]: I didn't have the tools for the time other people that I've witnessed and I've been around people that when they don't know how to communicate with their spouse they'll communicate with other people to vent about it and I have a friend that I respect this so much she called out that other friend to say like hey I've noticed that you complain about your spouse a lot and I'm wondering if you've ever told them and I was like woo
[SPEAKER_04]: going down right now like what is this gonna end this friendship or is she gonna take the bait and I don't know if I would have been brave enough to do that but it's also now hinted for me like could I could I could I say the quiet thing out loud when we see that because
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, I respect that so much when I have girlfriends that they never say a bad thing about their.
[SPEAKER_04]: And of course, everyone has space to vent and that's different than complaining of though.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: But, you know, I really respect and want to be around people that they are just constantly edifying and
[SPEAKER_04]: celebrating their spouse behind their back.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we do that to each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: We absolutely celebrate each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we see this on TV all the time.
[SPEAKER_04]: The sitcom framework is the hot wife.
[SPEAKER_04]: Don't be husband all the jokes at his expense and all using it yet.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's just what we see.
[SPEAKER_04]: So then if we don't have
[SPEAKER_04]: an environment or influence of another way.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's just what we think is common.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't want our kids to grow up thinking that that's normal or okay.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we just don't give them that.
[SPEAKER_01]: What I've noticed is, but then watching us as well is they will say things that I would never have said at their age.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying bad things, but it's a level of vulnerable honesty because they know how safe they are.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's because they watch how safe you and I are and each other's arms also to just say what needs to be said.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if we don't even, if can we put words to it, we're at least beginning the conversation to remove any room for resentment building up.
[SPEAKER_01]: They've brought stuff up to me before and they're like, hey, I'm just I'm feeling this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm wanting this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm wishing this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I need some alone.
[SPEAKER_04]: They're so good at asking for what they need.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know the things were a thing when I was your age.
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
[SPEAKER_04]: They can ask for what they need where I don't think I could ask for what I need at that level until my thirties and all of this therapy to feel like I'm safe to ask for what I need.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: That if I ask for what I need and it's rejected, that doesn't mean that I am unworthy or abandoned.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So how do we work together in business life?
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's not a business answer.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's first having a legitimate actual real relationship and then the business stuff just comes easy.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's not like, well, we have to schedule the time of nine, fifteen every day for us to do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's not that.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's sometimes that structure works for people.
[SPEAKER_01]: For sure.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're starting to do a weekly meeting where you and I can just do our planning sessions and we're now starting that format for it to like with bullet points that we go through.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: What would you say for people that like,
[SPEAKER_04]: their relationship is hard right now because they're not on the same page one is running a business the other doesn't get it that other wants more security or like when is this business going to finally work or when are you going to give up and try something or go to something safe get a job because we've both experienced that and maybe before you answer that there's a quote that we've heard that I don't like that is
[SPEAKER_04]: You're only as successful as your spouse allows you to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hate that quote.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm like, well, I got divorced.
[SPEAKER_04]: So I made a decision to go after my dream and my happiness because at that time, and I'm not, I'm not trying to blame.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm like, I did not have the tools that I have now in my previous marriage.
[SPEAKER_04]: If I did, maybe it could have been different.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I'm also grateful for it.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't see that as a failure.
[SPEAKER_04]: I see that as something I had to experience to be able to be where I am now.
[SPEAKER_04]: And if there was one day where I revisit that relationship, communicate of like, hey, let's shake hands with that, I'd be grateful to.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I don't like that quote because I don't think it's about allowing.
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't need your permission to go after my goals.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a victim mentality.
[SPEAKER_01]: A whole quote is baked in victim.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you're only successful as it allows.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh, let me give up my power and dream then.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, what?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's exactly what it's saying.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a lot.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you're putting the power in them.
[SPEAKER_04]: I get, I feel like the sentiment, though, is like, that your spouse encourages you and supports you and pushes your potential.
[SPEAKER_04]: And like, I love when you say that about me that I encourage your potential.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, that's the best thing that I can ask for.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: But if there was ever anything that I was doing that held you back,
[SPEAKER_04]: I would not expect you to sacrifice, and that would be doing it to service to everyone.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's interesting because I don't know that I feel super qualified to answer this or give advice because like, what do you do and someone is not supporting you?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that we honor our past relationships, nothing but respect for where we both have come from.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when we who we are with that, so, but the, in terms of what do you do in the spouses and on board,
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so tough to answer that.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's case by case.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the biggest thing you can do is, in fact, there was a coach a couple of years ago that I had, who he helped me see that he said stop asking every relationship in your life to meet all of the needs you have as a human being.
[SPEAKER_01]: He said, meaning he said, I have guy friends that I go do like technology stuff with.
[SPEAKER_01]: But if I also want those same group of friends to be the friends that I go do something that's like masculine and tough, it's going to be a tough expectation and they're going to fall short every time.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, so I have my friends over here that do my, you know, business stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have my friends over here.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do like hardcore working out stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have relationships over here.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think what you can create if you're conscious about it is
[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, just get really clear on actual legit in its science-backed human needs.
[SPEAKER_01]: And don't try to dump all eggs into the spouse basket on the needs.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know I can't ever meet all your needs.
[SPEAKER_01]: Not a woman.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's certain types of feminine recharge that you cannot have with me.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's impossible.
[SPEAKER_04]: There's a framework in that packs course of like women are expecting their husbands to be Harry women.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I've heard that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, but it's the same thing like there's certain needs.
[SPEAKER_01]: You just won't be able to meet of mine.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really wanna go backpack for three weeks across the Himalayas with a surpa.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you wanna go do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I'm talking about, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that there's sometimes this notion where it's like, they gotta be, my spouse has to completely back my business idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do they?
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's just not the party for that, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's just these other areas of your life and you get that emotionally fed from other baskets, so to speak, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, I don't know that there's any kind of advice that we can actually give on this by saying, like, here's what you gotta go do.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's, do you have absolute clarity and vision?
[SPEAKER_01]: I love the question, are you being completely honest with your spouse as well?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like totally, completely vulnerable, honest on where your head is at?
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you have your own sense of self solidified?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, do you have your own sense of self-certified?
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, are you trying to expect?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that's what he started asking me a couple of years ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was like, well, I don't, he's like my group of friends over here that like to watch these kinds of movies.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not also the same guys that I like to go work out hard with and do something at this physical length tense, which is also not the same group as my business friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: The whole notion worth like it takes a village, drains a child.
[SPEAKER_01]: It still takes a village to sustain an adult, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: There's more.
[SPEAKER_01]: The human needs are just such a real thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I told, I mean, you know, it's about me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like,
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know the human needs were at all whereas like six of them, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought all of them if you had a need and that you were weak was my belief.
[SPEAKER_01]: But how funny that I was in such pain and then I would put a very unfair expectation on previous relationships on how much needs they had to meet because I was not.
[SPEAKER_01]: also working to meet my own in these other areas of my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like a very unfair thing to ask your spouse to do and impossible really.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that if they're not on board, it's like the first thing I always ask is, well, okay, how bad do you want it?
[SPEAKER_01]: because if you want it super bad into dreaming your vision, maybe what you need to get better at besides the things that are saying is casting vision.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because what I really noticed in my past is when there wasn't a buy-in on the vision, what was really going on is the other was saying, where do I fit?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just the safety question.
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, and in business, you cast a vision and your employees are there to fit into it with their dreams and their goals.
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
[SPEAKER_04]: Obviously, an employee and a spouse relationship is very different, but if we're speaking from the mind of an entrepreneur, how do you cast a vision as a family, as a unit, as a couple, and then be like, here's what my dream is, here's what your dream is, here's the family dream.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's probably just communication to see how it all fits.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, my guess is that most people with like the head on straight are not actually trying to keep someone from reaching their vision.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a safety question.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's what's going to happen to us when XYZ happens.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like a, because I think that's part of what happened also in the past is pre-refiliationships that I had or it's like, hey, you're going to go be an entrepreneur.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and it was like, just this immediate assumption that, oh my gosh, if that happens and you're Elon Musk,
[SPEAKER_04]: Whoa.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's from zero to zero to Elon.
[SPEAKER_01]: Zero to Elon.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, and there's no middle ground.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to get blind sight of one day my husband's going to be Elon Musk.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, oh my gosh, I didn't sign up for that kind of growth.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, whoa.
[SPEAKER_04]: We're gonna take the stairs.
[SPEAKER_01]: What if you were just, hey, you don't wanna run the race with me?
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone's in all, do you mind just being one of those people that's holding a cup of water as I run by and just saying good job and I'll slap on the butt and keep going?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's all I need.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm not asking to run it with me.
[SPEAKER_04]: And good hustle champ.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a rolls and goals conversation again.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're asking how they fit.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's half of the fear.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not, it may not be, I don't want you to go after your dreams.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's probably first that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then my other guess is that, which I did run into this a little bit, where it's almost like,
[SPEAKER_01]: There wasn't the belief that I could do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I get that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
[SPEAKER_01]: They were right.
[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no dream in your life that you're actually qualified for in the moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: You gotta grow.
[SPEAKER_01]: They were right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I don't know if you can go after that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you can go do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank them.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you're right.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not good enough yet.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to make myself good enough.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's really.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the best news everyone wants to hear with it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think it's just honest.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe not good enough.
[SPEAKER_01]: Go get good.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: I love when you talk about the me three years ago.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was not qualified to be who I am today.
[SPEAKER_04]: No.
[SPEAKER_04]: You you got to put on the armor getting in the gym do the wraps.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: And you grow into it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't be qualified to do what I'm doing right now even a year ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like
[SPEAKER_01]: We wouldn't be doing this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Imagine if we started this show four years ago.
[SPEAKER_04]: We were not all the stuff we would be talking about would be so different, but also how cool that you're from now, the stuff that we'll be talking about will also evolve as we do.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we're just laying the breadcrumbs as we go and like, hey, this is what we've learned.
[SPEAKER_04]: If you want to join the conversation, we would love that.
[SPEAKER_04]: And there's a whole community around where things to create a safe space and environment community for people that are also that have rare perspectives that create extraordinary lives.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's why we wanted to create this.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like, this is popped in my head.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, when you're working with a business, you are measuring the business based on outcomes, eighty percent, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And growth, maybe like twenty.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, meaning like, there was someone who did a project for me once.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was awful.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was like, I tried really hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, that's not what I pay for.
[SPEAKER_01]: I paid for this.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you knew that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry.
[SPEAKER_01]: But like I paid for this and you said you could deliver, I got like negative.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't even know what is this, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was like, you just need to realize that not everyone has your standard.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I'm not lowering my business standard.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is in business that is about outcomes, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: But in relationships, it's about growth.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's part of what gets messed up as we use the way that we measure business and success in a relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so instead of celebrating a spouse's growth,
[SPEAKER_01]: We're saying, did you get this perfected outcome?
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's an unfair measurement bar to go hit with.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it literally sets up for failure because there's no such thing as perfection in relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just growing.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's to celebrate the ups and the downs and all those parts of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So business, like, eighty percent outcome, twenty percent growth, but in relationship totally opposite, it's eighty percent growth, celebrating the growth and growth is messy, you know, twenty percent perfection if it even exists.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think the same way that you have structures in business for your annual planning and you're quarterly planning and you're monthly and you're weekly and your commitments and you're, you know, you're reverse engineer those goals.
[SPEAKER_04]: I remember when we were reading ten axes easier than two X by Dr. Renhardy.
[SPEAKER_04]: of favorite a must read not just like that's not just a must read it's like a must read multiple times a year because I love the frameworks in it and of course as entrepreneurs we read the book thinking about how do we ten X business but I also asked him once when we had dinner with him how do you what's the ten X school for a relationship because like a tax school for business can be like I want to make a million dollars I want to whatever he did quantify
[SPEAKER_04]: What do you do in relationships?
[SPEAKER_04]: And so I asked him that, and he said, sometimes it's like a shift in mindset that you want to grow through together.
[SPEAKER_04]: You think about, and in that book, he talks about the eighty-twenty, you know, the eighty percent that you're focusing on that if you let go of and have this new twenty percent, like what's an eighty percent of your relationship that you have right now that maybe is something to raise the floor
[SPEAKER_04]: which raises then the outcome or the expectations or the goals.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so anyway, that's just maybe something for people to consider or resource for people to listen to or read after this podcast too.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
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