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Bible preaching from the pulpit of Choice Hills Baptist Church in Greenville, South Carolina
Let's get our Bible and turn to the book of Mark, chapter 12.
Mark, chapter 12.
We'll begin reading verse number 28.
Mark chapter 12, verse 28.
The Bible says, And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, answered him, God is one Lord, and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and
with all thy mind and with all thy strength. This is the first commandment. And the second
is like, namely this, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is no other commandment
greater than these. Would you pray with me?
Our Lord in heaven, we just want to come to you
and give you thanks for the chance to study your word,
for giving us your word,
for giving us the truths in your word.
Lord, we pray for the Spirit of God
to be at work among us, to be our teacher.
Lord, I pray that you'd give us ears to hear and a heart
inclined to doing your commandments, a heart inclined to examining ourselves. Lord, I pray
for the families of our church, not just the ones who are husbands and wives, but extended families and relationships, flesh and blood relationships that we have with those in our family,
in our respective families.
Please, Lord, guide our steps.
Help us to see these truths plainly.
And, Lord, whatever we need to do, however we need to respond,
I pray that you would so prompt us to do that. Give us, Lord, whatever we need to do, however we need to respond, I pray that you would so prompt us to do that.
Give us, Lord, humility.
Give us meekness.
Give us grace to do your will.
To look at these things honestly and reverently and humbly, Lord.
Lord, would you please give me the grace and help I need to help your people
and help me to get out of the way and allow you to speak what you would have me to say,
that you would say what you want to be spoken.
We pray these things all in Jesus' name. Amen.
As you can see, this is the passage, one of the passages where the Lord Jesus is asked a question about the first and the greatest commandment.
And there are actually two, the great commandments, the first one and the second one.
Of course, the first one is no surprise.
We actually kind of touched on this subject last week when we were talking about being a Christian first,
how the Lord must sit atop every relationship that we have.
And so that's that first and great commandment, to love the Lord our God with all of our heart and
soul and mind and strength. And then you have the second great commandment is that we should love,
we must love our neighbor, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. And so love in Scripture really is divided into these two kind of,
you might call it a fork.
It's divided in two in this way.
Every part of love, the kind of biblical love,
can be categorized in one of these two commandments,
loving God or loving another, loving your neighbor as yourself.
And again, we've already seen and studied the principle
that above all other relationships,
God must be the object of our love above everything else without exception.
And that's what the commandment says. But once that is established,
we are still left with the second great commandment. Not as great as the first, but definitely
also a great commandment, especially as it relates to other people in our life. And that is the Lord's
command for us to love our neighbor. Now that phrase, thou shalt love thy neighbor as
thyself, you find it in the Bible eight times. You find it in the Gospels several times. Of course,
the first occurrence I believe is in Leviticus. I didn't write down the reference, but that's
all of these verses are quotations from that. Every New Testament reference of this verse is a reference to the passage in Leviticus,
which is the origin of it. So eight times in scripture, seven times of those are in the New
Testament. And really the truth of this principle that thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself
is really the basis of all love toward all men or women.
It's the basis. It's the foundation.
And so if we want to think about this commandment, if you'll just think about it with me,
put yourself, just imagine a circle in your mind.
Imagine a circle and you're at the origin. You're at the center of that circle.
And then, so you have the circle immediately around yourself right that's the thyself of this
passage here thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself you're the dot in the middle that's the thyself
and then you have the circle immediately around you and then beyond that is another circle that
encompasses everything yourself and the previous circle. So you have these concentric circles,
and so you have several layers of circles that go out from yourself.
And so kind of visualize that with me,
and you're at the point in the middle.
And these circles represent your neighbors, your neighbors.
And a neighbor is not a neighbor. I know we say the word neighbor
and it's not unfounded for us to refer to our neighbors as people that live nearby us,
like someone maybe who lives across the street or next door to you, and that's definitely a
neighbor. But that is a misunderstanding that we also saw in Scripture in Luke chapter 10, which we'll look at in just a
minute, to limit the word neighbor to only refer to those types of people. Actually, what the Lord
teaches in Luke chapter 10 is that neighbor encompasses a lot more than just the people who
live beside you across the street.
To simply put, a neighbor is someone,
you could define it as someone who's near us,
who is nigh to us.
That's all it's referring to.
It's anybody who is nearest or closest to us. So let me ask you a question.
If that's what the word neighbor means,
it just means somebody nearby.
Who might that include? Who might this command also include? It includes the guy across the street
who lives, you know, at the house number, two numbers different or one number different than
yours for sure. But what else or who else might it also include when God says, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself?
Because really, if you think about it, that circle that goes out there is,
the one that includes your neighbor across the street is,
or maybe even a little bit further out than that,
the one that includes the cashier at the grocery store where you shop,
or the one that includes, the circle that includes maybe that idolatrous person who doesn't
know Christ in another country. That's also your neighbor. You share the same planet.
You think I'm stretching that a little bit? No. It's a neighbor. So you think that's like the
widest circle, right? And then the guy, the lady at the grocery store
who's checking out your groceries,
she's maybe in a circle that's a little bit nearer.
And then the neighbor next door is in a circle
a little bit closer to you.
Your personal friends, maybe people at church
would be another circle a little bit closer to you.
And then closer, even closer than that
is this circle closest to you.
Who's in that circle?
You know who's in that circle?
That neighbor circle?
That's your husband.
That's your wife.
That's your children.
That's your mom and your dad and your brothers and your sisters.
That's who's in that circle. You say, well, they're not my
neighbors. I beg to differ. They most certainly are our neighbors. Look, if you would, at Luke
chapter number 10. Luke chapter 10.
If you would look at verse number,
this is the story of
the story of the Good Samaritan. Verse 25, a certain lawyer stood up and tempted Christ.
Drop down to verse number 27. He's quoting the scripture, thou shalt love the Lord thy God with
all thy heart. We just read this, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, with all thy
mind, and thy neighbor as thyself. There it is again. This is one of the eight times. Verse 28, and he said unto him,
thou hast answered right, this do and thou shalt live.
But he, notice his motive,
willing to justify himself said unto Jesus,
and who is my neighbor?
And in answer, in response to that question,
Jesus tells him the parable of the Good Samaritan,
which is one of the main parables
because of course the Samaritans
were half-breed despised people by the Jews. So the idea is that the Samaritan is your neighbor,
even though he's not close to you and you think of him as a lot different. And that might roughly
relate to that person I mentioned on that outermost circle, somebody who lives on the planet with you,
right? But notice, what I want you to see
is the attitude of this man.
What is he trying to do by saying in verse 29,
who is my neighbor?
And who is my neighbor exactly?
Do you think he's out trying to find
who his neighbors are
so that he can make sure that he loves them?
Do you think that's his motives?
Probably not. What he's trying
to do is he's trying to very carefully, like all this fight about the congressional seats
and the redistricting, if you guys have been following the news, it's like that, we're going
to carefully draw the lines to make sure that the people I don't like are excluded from that circle
of being my neighbor. He's doing that because he doesn't want,
there's certain people he doesn't want
to be under the obligation and duty
of that commandment to obey.
So you know what he does?
He redraws the lines to exclude those people.
And that is the fundamental thing
that is the problem with us.
The Lord says, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
And his intention was to have these circles,
and it encompasses everybody.
So really, that is the basis when the Bible says
that we should love all men in the epistles.
That's the basis of it.
It's this truth.
Why then do we often not view
our own flesh and blood family members as in that circle?
Because we often are guilty of that, right?
We view our neighbors and strangers or people that we know kind of a little bit more of a distance.
We say, oh yeah, we should love them.
We should love our neighbors as ourselves.
Somehow, even if it's subconsciously, we don't view our own flesh and blood family
members as within that circle, but they are. And the truth is that if we are going to love anyone
in this world, if this verse, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself applies to anyone living,
applies to anyone living, it first and foremost applies to the people in the circle closest to you and to me. Would you agree with that? So if we're going to love anyone in obedience to this command
to love our neighbor as ourself, if we're're gonna love anyone, the first priority are the people closest to us
in that circle.
That's your husband.
That's your wife.
That's your mom and your dad.
That's your brothers and your sisters.
That's your children and your grandchildren.
That's your flesh and blood family
because they're in the circle closest.
Look if you would at Ephesians chapter five.
Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5.
Ephesians 5 and verse 25.
Speaking to the husbands here, verse 25 says this,
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it,
that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love
their wives. Note this. I want you to just put this down in your mind. Note this. So ought men
to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. That sounds familiar. Thou shalt love the
Lord, thou shalt love thy neighbor as what? Thyself. Now, the only difference between what we see here,
it says, he, verse 28, he that loveth his wife loveth himself, not as himself, but himself indeed,
because the husband and the wife are one flesh, right? So the idea is you love your wife, you're
loving yourself. So that's just one word, the word as, one word different than the other command
that we started with. The only difference is that everyone, everyone, not everyone in this circle is you, like Sister Pam,
like Brother Sonny is. That is your own flesh, right? One flesh as a married couple.
But the truth is the same. That's what I want you to get. So the basis of what we read in
Ephesians chapter 5 is actually the command from Leviticus. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
Proving then
that that command applies
to the person closest to us
just like it applies to the person
in the outermost ring.
So you and I have a duty
before God.
We have an obligation
before God to love our family members
as a matter of priority, as ourselves, as ourselves. There is no special circumstance.
special circumstance. There's no carve out to treat your family members any differently because they are your flesh and blood. The same standard that is used that guides the way we treat others
that are outside of our family is actually the same standard that applies to the way we treat our own family members.
And the standard is higher because they're closer.
They're closer.
Now, usually when you see things like love one another in Scripture,
and I know that's called the law of Christ in Scripture,
it refers to other believers, and that's perfectly valid.
But what if your husband
and your wife are believers? We have an obligation to love our brothers and sisters in Christ or in
the church, that's true, but what if our brother or our sister that's in Christ that's in the church
is also our husband or our wife or our child? Do we not have then a double obligation to love them?
our child. Do we not have then a double obligation to love them? Yeah, we do. Because first, they're a brother and sister in Christ, but even more important than that, they're our flesh and blood
brother. Why then, again I ask, do we have a double standard for the way that we love our family members? Why is it often that we treat strangers better
than our own flesh and blood
who are actually commanded to love as closest neighbors?
You know, somehow we've come to believe
that when we do wrong or do, as the scripture says, do ill to our family members, it is somehow less evil than doing harm to a stranger.
Like we think somebody cuts us off and we give them the bird.
I hope nobody here does that.
But if somebody cuts us off and we give them the bird, somehow, you know, that's really bad.
But when our family, when our brother, our sister makes us mad
and we do something exactly the same, that's somehow not as evil.
No, I want to tell you, it is just as evil.
Indeed, it is worse as a matter of evil
because that is the person in the nearest circle.
as a matter of evil because that is the person in the nearest circle.
In other words, it's not less evil, but it's more evil because they are our nearest neighbor.
We find it easy to love people who are distant.
And we'll do nice things for people
and we'll be kind to them
and speak with kindness and patience to them.
And then when we come home,
there's no kindness in our words,
there's no patience in our words
and yet somehow we think
as long as we're paying the mortgage
and keeping the lights on,
we're loving our family.
That's not true. That's not true. What we have to do is we have to rip out of our mind this idea
that somehow, as long as you think about you guys who are parents who have children, you think that,
well, I love my kids. Look, I pay the bills and they've got a
place to live and a roof over their head and I take care of all their, you know, I put them in
school and I pay for all their clothes and all their stuff they do. I love them. I love them.
See, I do all that. That is not the biblical definition. That is not the biblical definition.
we must apply a biblical definition of love.
What does the Bible say love does?
If you would look at 1 Corinthians chapter 13.
Of course, you're familiar with this passage.
I won't belabor the point.
It's the passage about love, charity.
So I'll just reiterate.
As we look at few verses here,
I'll remind you that if this passage applies, and in the context of 1 Corinthians,
this passage most directly applies to the love
between believers in this church at Corinth. But if this passage applies to love between believers
at that ring, then surely it applies to our family members, does it not? Indeed it does.
to our family members, does it not?
Indeed it does.
Verse one says this,
though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not charity,
I am become a sounding brass or tinkling cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and though I have all faith
so that I could remove mountains and have not charity,
I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be
burned and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. You see this, all these accolades that
Paul says, if I have this and I have this and I have this, but I don't have the supreme thing,
all that's worthless. That's what he said. But how might we I have this and I have this, but I don't have the supreme thing. All that's
worthless. That's what he said. But how might we translate this into family? And this, I'm just
telling you, this is the way I've heard it myself. And I know you have too. If I've heard it, you've
heard it. We might say things like this, though all my kids sit quietly in church, or though they're the highest in their class, or though my kids say we've taught them to
say yes ma'am and no ma'am and they're polite with company, and though maybe I've been married for 40
years, or though we have a huge retirement account and our house is paid off or whatever in our family sphere, we might say, see, this shows
a successful family. This shows that my family is in order. This shows that everything's good.
And we like to point out things and say, well, see, this shows that everything's good and this
shows that everything's good. I mean, after all, look how long I've been married. Everything must be in order. No, that's actually the very opposite of what Paul is saying.
You could be a preacher and speak in unknown languages and you could give your body to be
burned as a martyr and you can do all of these things. He says, if you don't have,
if you don't have charity, if you don't have love, it's worthless, right? That's what he's saying here.
charity, if you don't have love, it's worthless, right? That's what he's saying here.
Notice verse three, and though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor. Here you have a guy,
here's what it is in context. A person is giving money. He's giving alms. He's helping someone who is poor, but he's doing it without charity, without love. See that? You think, well, no, no, I'm giving something.
That's the love. I'm giving. Not necessarily. Obviously not because of verse three. So can you
give money to the poor and not have love? Absolutely. And in the context of the family,
we often mistake buying things for people as love. Listen, I have seen this played out. Parents are often very guilty of this.
And it's similar to the assumption of verse number three. Just as giving to the poor was not a sure sign of love, although it might appear so. So mom and dad, you paying
for your kid's school, you paying for the house in which they live, you paying for the various
needs that they have does not mean that you're exercising love in your family. Yes, you have a
duty. And yes, if love is present, all of those things will
absolutely be taken care of. But that's not how you judge it. You see, the problem is this. The
problem is we take those outward visible things and we say, see, there, I love them. Even though
when we go home, nothing else in our life is characteristic of love at all in our relationship. It is a relationship of turmoil and strife.
But we pay the mortgage and we can say, see, see, you can't say I don't love you, see?
I pay the mortgage, I pay your bills.
And sometimes husbands who are the breadwinners often will look at their wives and say, see, yeah.
They don't treat their wives in any way consistent with love.
And yet, they say, see, well, I ain't kicked you out yet. Yet,
we're still married. So what? Just because you've been married a long time doesn't mean that you
love one another. But it's easy to point out, is it not? It's easy to say, see, see that you can't say I don't love you. Look. And it gives
in our mind, it gives us a pass for the biblical version of love.
We can check the box off that we loved our family when in fact we haven't.
that we loved our family when in fact we haven't.
Is our love to be measured simply by what we do for another person?
How many of you have had family members that have treated you like that?
They do not act in a way that is consistent with love at all,
but they always look to a certain thing they did for you. Some bill they paid, some gift they bought, and they check it off and they say, see, I did this for you. I did that
for you. That, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's, that's not a biblical example. That's not the biblical
outworking of love according to the Bible. It is not to be measured by how much we spend on people.
Just as we see in this passage,
in the first three verses of 1 Corinthians,
we like to list things that are supposed to demonstrate our love
or things that are maybe even a substitute for love.
But these things, like here,
and like things I mentioned a minute ago,
the things that we list are no substitute for the real deal.
Look at verse number four. You want to know what love is? Love is shown by what you see in
scripture, not how we independently and privately define it.
not how we independently and privately define it.
Verse 4, charity suffereth long.
Suffereth long.
Long-suffering.
Patience.
Ephesians 4.2 says this, listen to this.
With all lowliness and meekness, with long suffering,
here it is, forbearing one another in love.
You love someone when out of love,
you are not quick to write them off.
And I'm talking about family members now.
You're not quick to cast them aside,
to set them at naught, to cut them off. In other words, when you love somebody and they have their ups and their downs, newsflash, you and I also have
those same ups and downs. But when you live with somebody and you love somebody and they have their
ups and downs, you're not quick to cast them aside. You're patient. You endure a lot. That's why it says
later, it says endureth all things in verse number seven, similar to this. You see, there is a tendency
in us to just cut people off. Just rip them out of our life. Even if we don't do it physically,
we do it relationally. We just cut them off.
It's easier, you know why?
Because it's easier for us not to have to deal with their junk.
You know what that is?
Whatever it is, it is not love.
It is not found in love.
Love is the one who is enduring it patiently.
Love is not considering oneself and what makes it easier, dealing with
their junk or persisting in the relationship out of love for that person. You have to remember that
everybody has to do that with you too, with me too. But see, that's exactly how love is defined
in scripture. What if God did that to us? What if God said, you know what?
I'm done with this. I'm done with our jump. He's not though. His mercy and his patience
endureth forever. Does it not? He doesn't cut us off quickly like that. You know what he does? He
endures with long suffering. Are you doing that with your spouse?
Are you doing that with your kids?
Are you doing that with your parents?
Verse four continues, and is kind.
2 Peter 1.7, notice what it says,
talking about adding to your faith.
And to godliness, brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness, charity.
You can see the association between kindness and charity, love.
Proverbs 31, verse 26, speaking of the virtuous woman,
she openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Let me ask you a question to those in your interactions
and your life within your home, with your family members.
Does kindness characterize your words?
Does kindness characterize your tones,
your attitude toward your loved ones?
You see, you cannot do the things that appear to be love
and then go home and have a nasty, evil, vicious attitude toward your family
and say you love them.
Because love at its core is kind. You see, but we want the appearance of the thing,
but behind closed doors, it is not that. That's hypocrisy. Because love is kind. Charity is kind,
right? That's how you judge it. Look at the next verse number four. It goes on to say,
charity envieth not. Envy is simply this, to feel displeasure and ill will at the superiority
or perceived superiority of another in some happiness or success or reputation or possession possession of something that you might like or want. Envy is contrary to love. Can envy exist within the family? Can envy exist between mom and dad? Husband and wife? Can envy exist between parent and child? Can envy exist between brother and sister? You better believe it.
When envy exists between brother and sister,
you better believe it.
You better believe it.
You think about Joseph, right?
That's the pinnacle example of envy, is it not?
Beware, parents.
Let me tell you something about this.
Beware, parents.
Beware playing favorites with your kids because when you do that,
you actually put a stumbling block before them
to envy one another.
Even though they might not have done anything wrong.
Yet, like Joseph, because of Jacob's favoritism,
Joseph became the object of his brother's envy
and he didn't do anything.
There is nothing negative recorded of Joseph
in scripture at all, right?
Who did that?
Jacob.
Jacob.
But see, charity envieth not.
You know, sometimes we, just to back up a minute,
sometimes parents show favoritism because one child has the similar personality to the parent.
because one child has the similar personality to the parent. Sometimes parents show favoritism because one child excels in something more than, and maybe that thing is similar to the parent.
Sometimes the parent shows favoritism because the child shows interest in something similar to the
parent. And when that favoritism is shown, you might be thinking you're doing something and cultivating that relationship.
But the favoritism is actually breeding envy among the siblings.
You're actually tempting your children.
This is why you don't do it.
That's why you don't do it.
Envy at its root is not a problem with that person who has success or superiority or whatever.
Envy at its root is a problem with me. It's not what is going right with them, but what's going wrong
with my heart. Sometimes I've actually seen parents envy their children because their children
somehow attain some higher accolade than the parent did when the parent was that age. That is ridiculous.
And it is also not love.
You see, in a family, the praise of one is the praise of all, or it should be, right?
The praise of one is the glory of all,
but yet, listen, brothers and sisters,
this thing of envy is very often
one of these little insidious sources
of mistreatment and strife,
and it's often hidden
because it resides in the heart of a person,
and it doesn't come out as,
I'm mad because you got the thing I like or want.
I'm mad because mom and dad praise you. We don't ever say that, but what happens is we start to
mistreat the person out of envy in our heart. And that's not right. And you know what else it's not?
It's not love. The verse goes on to say,
charity vaunteth not itself to boast, to extol, to glorify, to praise oneself. You see,
vaunting and bragging in the context of the family is often done at the expense of another.
It has its source in what the Bible calls emulation, comparison, where we step on another
to exalt ourselves. In other words, it's related to envy. See, we're better. There's this comparison.
Listen, God forbid, there should not be comparison within a family. There shouldn't be this
competition, this debate, this sort of strife, this kind of strife in the family, but yet it exists,
and it is not characteristic of love, rather the opposite. See, love is the thing when it's present
is glad for the success and prosperity of the person.
It goes on to say, is not puffed up. Now we've covered envy, we've covered bragging, and now pride.
And they all go together because they're all the fruit of a preoccupation with oneself, with me.
And that is, at its core, the opposite of love.
Because in verse number five, it says, charity seeketh not her own.
number five, it says, charity seeketh not her own. You see, when you love your family member,
when you love your mom and your dad and your brother or your sister, your husband, your wife, or your children, when you love them, it distracts you away from seeing yourself.
And you're happy at their benefit, at their joy, at their success.
It goes on to say, verse 5,
So I want to ask you a question, and this is a big, this is a huge dragnet here.
Is the way that you behave toward your family members right and proper and good?
Is it the way that a mom and a dad are supposed to treat the kids?
Is it the way that the kids are supposed to treat one another?
Is it a way that kids are supposed to treat their parents? Is it right and proper?
Goes on to say, seek if not her own in verse number five. And really this is the core. This is the foundation of the whole passage. Romans 15 one says this, we then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak
and not to please ourselves. Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification.
For even Christ pleased not himself, but as it is written, the reproaches of them that reproached
thee fell on me. Galatians 6, 2 goes on to say, bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.
The law of Christ is to love one another. It's not about me. It's about them. That's what love
thinks. You can't put that on. You can't put that on in your family. Everybody knows if you are seeking the benefit and seeking to exalt and lift up the
other in your family. Everybody can tell if you're doing that or trying to shove them down.
It goes on to say, is not easily provoked.
It's not that we can't be provoked
but it's not easily provoked
sometimes in your families
there are people who are always on edge
always at a flash point
just in a moment's notice
every little
every tiny little infraction
and we know in families, there are many, many, many infractions.
That's why this is so important.
Every tiny infraction sends that person off.
Because really, infractions like this are inevitable.
But the problem, again, is not the infractions.
The problem is there is a drought of love. And because there is no love, because love doesn't
do that. It's not easily provoked. Because love is not present, the infractions set them off.
And this is a source of a lot of strife and arguments
and yelling and screaming and cursing inside families.
You see, love would make those infractions small.
And that's not a surprise.
Proverbs 10, 12, hatred stirreth up strife,
but love covereth all sins.
Those are those little infractions, right?
1 Peter 4, 8, and above all these things,
have fervent charity among yourselves,
for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
That's all those infractions.
Charity will fix that.
It will fix our temptation to go off on everything.
And if you feel that in yourself, just know the problem is not them.
It's me. And the problem is not them, it's me.
And the problem in me is love.
So a person who's easily provoked is not right to lay blame at another.
Because in their view, that person is the one that causes my meltdown.
Charity thinketh no evil. Charity thinketh no evil.
Charity thinketh no evil.
This is the predisposition to think evil of another.
Whenever a person's motives are unknown,
we assume the worst.
We assume the person is up to no good,
even though we have no evidence of that.
We see evil in them, whether it's there or not.
And what causes this?
Also, the absence of love.
It causes us to think that other people are fake.
We see evil in them.
They're living their life,
and we're projecting evil onto them,
even though it might not be there. We think others
are fake or hypocritical. You see, this again, this is just repeating, but this is the problem
in this is not that person and what they're doing. The problem is in my eyeballs. It's in my heart.
What we see and what we think have nothing to do with what the person is actually doing or what their motives are. It's entirely in us and that problem is a love problem.
Albert Barnes said this in his commentary.
I thought it was good.
I wanted to share it with you.
But it must mean that in regard to the conduct of others,
there is a disposition to put the best construction on it,
to believe that they may be
actuated by good motives, that they intend no injury, and that there is a willingness to suppose
as far as can be that what is done is done consistently with friendship, good feeling,
and virtue. Love produces this because it rejoices in the happiness and virtue of others and will not believe the contrary
except on irrefragable evidence.
You see, love is the reason that we give the benefit of the doubt.
Verse 6 says this,
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.
The inward thought of joy when someone stumbles or falls.
Proverbs 24, verse 17 says this,
Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth,
and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth.
If God doesn't want us to be happy when our enemy falls,
how much less when it's our own family member?
Again, see how it's all related?
It's this big ugly web of carnality where love is absent.
How ungodly is it, brothers and sisters,
to have a happy thought
when another person stumbles or falls?
That, I mean, do we want them to fall?
Do we want them to sin against God?
Do we want their relationship to the Lord to be hurt?
Is that what we want?
Why would then we have a glad thought at such a thing?
That is wicked.
It is wicked and it is wholly contrary to love.
In fact, if you or I have this thought
when someone, we rejoice in iniquity,
we do not love that person, full stop.
This is the description of love biblically.
Pretty rough, ain't it?
Pretty rough, ain't it? Pretty rough.
I'm getting to the end.
Romans chapter 13, if you'd look at that with me.
Romans 13, verse 8.
Romans 13, verse 8 says this,
Owe no man anything but to love one another.
For he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
You see, every Christian owes another as a matter of duty,
owes love to another as a matter of duty,
whether that person's done good or not. Think about your family members.
How many times have people offended you in your family? How many times have you offended someone else in
your family? You owe them love as a matter of duty to God and his word, not because they do you good,
because they don't always. That's irrelevant.
He says, for this thou shalt not commit adultery, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not bear false witness, thou shalt not covet.
And if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
Instead of saying, we shouldn't do this or should do this, or making a huge list of rules about things to do and not do in our conduct and our family, God says, just love them.
As I have loved, just love them.
As I have loved them, love them.
And all that, that alone covers everything.
And then it gets down to the crux of verse number 10, where it really starts to rub. Love worketh no, no, no ill to his neighbor.
Therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law. So therefore, anytime
we work ill to a family member, love is the root problem. That person that offended me is not the
problem. The person that insulted me is not the problem. My mood swing is not the problem. The stress in my life is not the problem.
Anytime we work ill to our family members,
the problem is my problem and the problem is love.
Look at Galatians 5 and this is where we'll finish.
Galatians 5.
Verse 13. For brethren, you have been called unto liberty. Only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
I want to ask you a question.
Is there joyful service in your family between siblings,
between mom and dad, between mom and children, dad and children?
Is there joyful service between, because that's an evidence of love.
Joyful service, so long as the other is not absent, right?
Or is there strife and hatred and animosity,
argument, invariance, knockdown drag outs, boasting, yelling, screaming, cursing? I want to tell you
something. If that exists in your home, I don't care if it exists between what two members, it may exist. If that exists between your home,
I want to serve notice on the authority of God's word right now.
Number one, you and your home is not right with God.
And number two, the problem, the missing ingredient is L-O-V-E and nothing else.
Full stop.
That's the problem.
That is not the way the Lord wants your home to be.
And it doesn't matter if it's between the siblings,
between kids and mom and dad,
between mom and dad,
or between mom and dad,
or any other relationship
that is outside of God's will.
The missing ingredient is love.
But what is the answer?
What is the answer?
Verse 14,
For all the laws fulfilled in one word,
even in this,
thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
But if ye bite and devour one another,
take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
Now the answer is in verse 16.
I love this.
Please hear me.
How can you change course in your family
and begin to love?
If at least you're honest and meek
and humble enough to say,
I see it, love is missing.
Our relationships are a wreck within the walls of my home.
The answer is found in verse 16.
This I say then, notice it connects it with what we just said, walk in the spirit and you shall not
fulfill the lust of the flesh. Notice, drop down a little bit
to verse number 20. Notice all these ugly works of the flesh, idolatry, witchcraft. You say,
I don't do that in my house. Oh, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, anger, strife, arguing,
wrath, anger, strife, arguing, seditions, heresies.
You see this?
Where does this come from?
You know where it comes from?
It comes from the flesh.
There's where it comes from.
Verse 22.
But the fruit of the Spirit is, here it is.
What is it?
Love.
If you and I, if we see a love problem in our home, the evidence of a love problem, the answer is found in verse 16 and verse 22. The answer is found
in your personal walk with God by his spirit, because it is the spirit of God who produces love in you.
He is the one who will make you different
so that your family will be changed for good.
He is the one that will change your home
but it starts with your relationship to him first.
It is his spirit.
When you walk with him, it changes you.
And it changes me.
And it enables us to love these people in this smallest ring around us.
But if you don't walk with Him,
you know what you're going to have?
You're going to be absolutely
dominated and ruled over by the flesh.
And the effect is going to be lack of love
because the Spirit of God
produces love in us.
If you don't walk with God,
forget about love in your family.
But by walking with God,
God himself will be the answer
to bringing love back into your family.
I want to say this to you.
If you see a problem,
the first thing you've got to do
is take that thing to God and make it clear.
Lord, here's what I would say
if I were you.
Lord, you know my family
and you know what goes on
behind closed doors in my house.
Lord, you know it's messed up.
And Lord, in the Bible,
the problem is love.
I see that.
It's there.
That's the first thing.
Are you brave enough and humble enough to do that?
To name that thing.
Stop making excuses.
Stop blaming others, shifting the blame.
But to say, Lord, I obviously do not love my family like I should.
Number two.
I don't want you to just sit in the pew during the invitation and think to yourself, yeah, I feel really bad about this. No. I don't want you to do that.
What I want you to do is I want you to be brave enough to go to those family members and to say, not, I said some things I
shouldn't have said. That's good, but not that. But to say this, I have not loved you.
Say it plainly. Say it ugly. Say it as it is. I have not loved you. If it's you, husband, go to your wife and say,
God tells me I'm supposed to love you
and I have not loved you.
And it's written all over our family.
If it's the wife, you go to your husband, you say,
honey, I haven't loved you.
I have failed loving you.
Parents might need to go to your kids,
and you might need to say,
I put a roof over your head,
but I haven't loved you.
It's evident in my attitude,
all my words, my tone,
and the strife in our relationship.
And kids, you might need to do that with your parents too.
And this is certainly true of siblings.
You see, if strife like this exists,
it exists because the gap, the missing piece is love.
Just admit it.
Please don't just sit there when you know it's true.
Our Lord calls us to repent,
to get right with Him
and to get right with our family
and not let it remain.
Will you answer that call?
Let's pray together.