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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Abby: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. So today Fallon and I are gonna be talking about, uh, Kind of this juicy, um, belief that's been landing more and more deeply for both of us in the last couple of weeks.
And it's this belief, this idea that [00:01:00] what if everything is actually working out perfectly all the time And thinking about how, you know, like when the, when people say, oh, hindsight is 2020. And when you look back it's like, oh man, if I hadn't. Spent so much time worrying about all the ways that it could have gone wrong.
You look back and you realize actually everything is, has kind of always worked out and I've always been provided for, or this was always taken care of. Or, you know, all of, all of the time that you spend worrying and having anxiety and running through different scenarios in your head of how you think it should be or could be or needs to be in order to fulfill.
Whatever expectation you have for it in your head, and changing that, shifting that over to actually what if every moment is perfect right now, and it's really only our judgment of what we think it should be. That [00:02:00] makes it not,
Fallon: Yeah, and we have, we both have two, well probably more than that, but we have really great stories to share with you on how this has actually really, and very different stories, but how this has really landed for both of us. Like this teaching has really come kind of full circle. I mean, I think many times, but more recently,
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: yeah, so because the truth is even I look back at just my own journey.
A almost a year ago I was in custody court and just how sick to my stomach. Naturally I would be about all of that, and now I'm on the other side of it. I'm like, why was I ever so worried it was always gonna be okay. You know, so like you said, the hindsight 2020, which we can also use now, is like, how do I want to look back?
Do I want to be the person that believed that everything was working out for me, or do I wanna be the person that like clings to, [00:03:00] this is so hard and this is so stressful and this is so heavy and like, you know, so I know you have a really incredible story. I lo I love it. I wanna hear it and then I'll share mine.
Abby: So mine, I feel like this is very relatable because it's more of like something, it's like a daily. Occurrence, uh, annoying occurrence of just something that can happen, which is I was flying from Florida to Detroit and I called an Uber, and I know that Uber is, you know, from the airport to my grandma's house, which is where I was staying, we're supposed to be a certain amount of money.
And I was like, Ugh, like surge pricing. It's super, it's like $20 more expensive than it should be. And that was annoying to me. And.
Fallon: it's annoying.
Abby: I was very annoyed
Fallon: I'm shaking my fist.
Abby: exactly. I'm like, come on. And then I'm sitting there and it's saying that the, the Uber is two minutes away. And so I'm standing there and I'm like, okay, where is [00:04:00] this guy?
It's like, two minutes come and go. Still says two minutes and he's not moving or he is moving, but then it's like he's at a different place on the map and I'm in a parking garage, so I'm like, it's probably the signal is wrong. And he, you know, it's not actually showing where he actually is. So it's like 20 minutes go by, I message him and I'm like, are you almost here?
And he's like, oh, actually I can't, this is my first airport pickup and I don't know where to go.
Fallon: Oh.
Abby: And I was like, and I really, it's like in those moments where I just really wanted to be kind of a bitch and like, well, if you know what, maybe you should practice a few times before you, like, come here and try to pick people
up.
Fallon: feels like this is a you problem because I would like to be picked up now. Thanks.
Abby: Yeah, like, I've been waiting, I gotta go. Like, it's time to get over there. Um, but I didn't say that. I was just like, okay, I'll be here. And so, you know, another like 10 minutes goes by and so I've been standing there for like 30 minutes and I [00:05:00] was like, okay, did you, you know, reach out and message him again?
I'm like, were you able to find it? And he was like, sorry, I can't figure it out. You can just cancel. And I was like, Ugh. And I was like, okay, but what if everything actually, like what if this is working out perfectly? And I'd had this reframe in the moment cause I'm like, actually, if I wasn't judging this moment, if I wasn't judging this experience because I needed this Uber to be here when I needed it to be here and I wanted it to be a certain price and it wasn't, and all of these things I was like, Because actually it's pretty pleasant outside.
It's like a nice temperature. I've been sitting for the last three hours, so now I get to stand and stretch my legs and stretch out a little bit, and I was like, I feel good. Everything's fine. And then I canceled the ride and I got another Uber right away, and he showed up within two minutes and the price had dropped because I waited for 30 minutes for the other guy to get there.
The price had dropped the $20 and it was the price that I wanted it to be.[00:06:00]
Fallon: Hmm.
Abby: And I was like,
Fallon: That felt better.
Abby: yeah. And like everything is actually perfect and this got, then this worked out for me great because I got to stand here in the fresh air and enjoy that. And I had a nice, quick, easy ride and I had
Fallon: those quick, easy rides.
Abby: Yeah. And bonus. Um, because I had so many bags and I'm pregnant, um, I had a really nice male driver who carried like my bags and put them in the car and then took them out and wheeled them up into my grandma's house for me.
Fallon: Oh, that's me
Abby: even more,
Fallon: and E, maybe the last Uber driver wouldn't have done that.
Abby: yeah, exactly.
Fallon: Yeah. I remember in my 20, well maybe I wasn't even quite 20, I was like 18 or 19. I had this boyfriend. He was like my first love and. I remember when I would drive, he'd be like, you drive so aggressively. And I'm like, well, they shouldn't be in the fast lane.
He was like, well, sometimes I, if [00:07:00] somebody's in the fast lane and they're slowing me down, I feel like I'm probably supposed to be slowed down. I'm, I'm, it's probably the, the, the deepest, wisest thing the man has ever, ever said. I mean, I don't know him now, right? Like it's been, but that has always stuck with me.
And so this is not my specific story, but even today, I was driving out this morning to go to the beach and. There. One of my neighbors pulled up and I live on a private road, so it's real tight. You can't really get around each other. And he pulled up to the mailbox and his door was open and he's at the mailbox and I'm like, behind him, like, I would like to get to the be like, I can't go anywhere.
I'm just stuck. And um, and then I was like, okay, well is, maybe I'm, and I always think of that. I always think of what he said. I'm supposed to be slowed down and it's like your Uber driver. What if we don't know the why's? What if you were being detoured, you know, divinely redirected. Um, but I often think about that of like, okay, maybe it was a slow down, you know, I'm, I'm being protected from something.
So that's a great perspective to [00:08:00] have it in, uh, or to adopt, excuse me, but I. My story is like with the masculine and you know, Abby. Cause I was, we were in Atlanta together and I was having so much come up, I don't know, on and off the past couple months around like not getting the attention that I wanted or not really getting the attention from men.
Available men like I wanted and, and still seeing how, and, and like what's really beautiful is I was still seeing how my value, I've tied up my value in the reflection back. Like if a man finds me attractive, then I'm like, oh, right. I can go on another day as a beautiful woman. Right. It's so funny. I have another friend George in my twenties who asked me one time, if you were never told you were beautiful again, do you think that you could live the rest of your life knowing that you were like, And I was like, Ooh.
So it's always something. Yeah, he's, he's, he was amazing. I mean, he still is. Um, but so still seeing these threads of like, of all the work that I've done and da, da [00:09:00] da, da da, I still am putting this value outside myself and needing something from men. And we were in the market. We were in the crowd market, and we were in, I wrote a post about this too, and we were listening to your brother-in-law and he's wrangling his cute three kids, your nieces and nephew, and, um, And it just landed like, Fallon, you are needing something from the masculine.
Why can't you just let them be who they are and appreciate them in who they are? And so that is when I realized everything, like my perspective shift, I'm so supported. Everything is working out for me. I don't, men aren't being bad. My value's not tied up in that, and I get to just enjoy my life. And like be in the present of my life, right?
Because it was, it was that Friday night that I had told you in the bar like, oh, little Fallon's up. And it really just, I realized I was needing something that I wasn't giving myself, but that was perfect. [00:10:00] God Universe was giving me exactly what I needed to be able to relax into just letting the world be as it is and be really present.
In my life because the truth of the matter was I was thoroughly enjoying your brother-in-law's humor. I was thoroughly enjoying, like, you know, I was sitting at the Airbnb on your couch, like the men jogging by and actually just genuinely enjoying the experience of being with you, being out of town. But there was this part of me that, again, what I thought it should be, what I think I thought I needed.
In order for it to be or feel different versus just choosing to allow it to be what it is and love it for that. And it was so liberating. I feel so liberated now since then. Like it's like, oh, it feels so good.
Abby: Oh, I don't, I don't need anything from you. Amazing. I can just be
Fallon: and I can just enjoy my li and actually be with my best friend who I don't get to see in person very often, right? We get to see each other like this, but not in person. Just the whole thing was like such an exhale because [00:11:00] I was open. To being shown something different because I was open to the experience going D like going differently, you know, and feeling different about the experience that I was having is really same thing with you.
You were open to feeling different about the experience you were having and then you saved money and got a guy that delivered your bags to your door. So like,
Abby: Right. Well, and also I wanna bring it to, to, um, to dating and, because I remember when I was single and I was dating, I just felt like I. Because I think especially with women in your, I don't know, at least for me, like when we are in our thirties, it felt like there's so much more pressure to like, find the one so that you can get married and have the babies and like whatever, if that's what you want.
And, and when I became single, I was, I had just turned 30. And [00:12:00] I could have used that as an opportunity to really freak out about that and be like, oh my God, I'm 30 and I'm single. And I've been in this relationship for so many years and I thought that that was going to be the relationship that culminated in all the things, but like, thank God it wasn't, um, yeah, exactly.
Thank you, God. Um, everything worked out for me,
Fallon: It sure did.
Abby: but um,
Fallon: No offense.
Abby: But I remember when I was in that, like when I started dating the shift that really landed so much for me that ties into this is like this just gets to be fun. Like all of this, like the dating doesn't have to be an end goal to the relationship to the thing.
Like I can just go on these dates and I can just let some guy. You know, multiple wine and dine me, take me out and like appreciate me and tell me I'm [00:13:00] beautiful and I can just soak that all in and I can learn things about them and just meet some new people and have some experiences and not have it be all of this pressure of the thing that it needs to be in order for it to end up being the thing later.
You know, it's like, and it's like I had a friend recently who. Went on a couple dates and really liked the guy in the first date, and then the second date just didn't go as well. And she was kind of spiraling a little bit about it. And I was like, but what if this is actually great? Because now you've seen evidence that you can go and have a really great first date with somebody and that those things still exist.
So there's your evidence that you can like shut down a bar, have great conversation, laugh all night, get to have a really fun time, and. Even if the second date didn't go as well, or you found out more things about him that maybe took him out of the running for you, you still had that great experience and now you're not emotionally tied to somebody like I had been for like five [00:14:00] years.
You, you don't have any emotional ties. You don't have any emotional stake in the game, and you can just keep moving on and keep ha having fun dates and knowing that and having that evidence and knowing that like there are still men out there who you can meet and laugh with and enjoy their company and.
How great is that
Fallon: Yeah, I had a similar conversation with a friend last night. We were at dinner and she, she's younger, very wise, beyond her years though. And she was talking about, um, just same thing, situation where it was kind of a friend and then he made some moves and then I. Basically, long story short, she was like, oh, why didn't I just listen to myself in the beginning that I just wanted to be his friend?
And, and I said, because we have to actually live our lives. We c like, you know, she's been in therapy and learned a lot about her childhood and how that plays out now in relationships, which is so we should all be doing that, whether it's therapy or get a coach that's really great at doing this. And I was like, because you have to actually live your life.
You. You [00:15:00] identify the belief system that you're holding, you begin to rewrite the belief system. How do you know if it's gonna freaking work if you don't live your life and put it into practice? So I said, this sounds like incredible practice. And she goes, oh my God, that feels so much better. And I was like, yeah, because now you're not bad or wrong.
Now you just got practice on bridging who you were and who you're becoming, and the little bit of distortion that's still there. Distortion not being bad, just feedback of like, Ooh. And even me recently I told you, oh, I'm so annoyed and embarrassed with myself because of just a small little situation I was in.
And then I was like, okay, let me just be annoyed and embarrassed. Not because I need to be, because that's just what's present. And then, okay, now it's more feedback on where my old beliefs are still c trying to ride over what I'm currently creating as my new belief system of myself and my value and my worth.
And so when I told her that, she was just like, this feels way better. And I'm like, yeah, because life is, is meant to be lived. Life [00:16:00] is there's, there's God that, and that's the only way we're gonna integrate. Like your girlfriend, the only way you're gonna integrate is to go on the second date and find out the second, you know?
And same thing with another girlfriend in Atlanta. And she was like, well, what if the next one I meet isn't the one? And I said, but what if he holds so much beauty? Like, or even a little bit of chaos that you get to learn more about yourself in the process. And I said, my ex, my daughter's dad wasn't the one.
But can you imagine if I wouldn't have even let myself step in and experienced that I potentially wouldn't have my daughter, I potentially wouldn't be where I'm at as far as my emotional growth and who I've been and all of the healing that I've done because of that trauma bond. what? You've gotta let yourself step in a little bit and be, you can't mess it up.
If you're willing to look at yourself and the situation honestly, and learn and grow from it, you can't mess it up in.
Abby: Yeah. And just knowing that [00:17:00] and keeping that belief in mind that everything is working out for you, whether it seems like it is in the moment or not, it's always working out for you and, and challenging yourself to, in those moments of annoyance, you know, maybe mild annoyance or, or maybe something stronger than that of like, what if this is actually.
What if this moment is actually perfect and what are the things that are making it? What am I, what judgments am I making about it? How am I putting shoulds on it that makes it seem not perfect and keeping yourself open to like, Hmm, well if it is perfect, then like, I wonder how this is gonna work out even better for me.
Like in the Uber situation, I wonder how this. Situation, taking as long as it did is actually gonna work out better. And I wonder what other miracles are gonna be shown to me because this worked out this way.
Fallon: Yeah. I remember the Friday night we were in Atlanta and I, my meal got was forgotten. [00:18:00] And I remember looking at you being like, well, must be happening for me. You know, I must be getting the freshest fish. And it wasn't, I wasn't inconvenienced because I was the last one to get my meal and everybody was eating because, We hold the belief that like there's a, I don't know why it happened, but there was a reason the waiter put in, didn't put it in or, or got, I don't know.
I can, like you said, with the Uber, I can choose to be inconvenienced or I can be like, this is amazing. I haven't seen Abby in months. I get to sit next to her and I get to listen to all these women, you know, converse and we're excited about Taylor Swift. So, and that one thing I love, like playing off of what you said, and I learned this from Brad Yates, he does EF f t.
Tapping is he taps and he says, I'm grateful for the miracles I have received. I'm grateful for the miracles I'm receiving. Same thing. I'm grateful for the blessings I have received. I'm grateful for the blessings I'm receiving. And so when you're in the inconvenience of life, you're in traffic or travel's not going well or even something bigger of like not wanting to, you know, [00:19:00] I don't know, judging yourself and maybe how you showed up in potential dating or whatnot. Tap, get back into your body. Just like Abby. Well actually the temperature's good. I, I've been sitting, I wanna, it feels good to stand actually and just see how you, cuz you are the only one in control of the shift.
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: I love what you said about the driving thing too, because it reminded me of when we were in Atlanta and you know, I'm such a fast walker
Fallon: Oh
Abby: and when I get caught behind people who are walking slowly, I get very annoyed and.
Fallon: And I looked, you and I was like, does this, is this, is this hard for you? You're like, yes.
Abby: But what a great, what a great thing, even in those moments to be like, well, maybe I'm meant to slow down. Maybe I'm meant to like, take a deep breath and notice the, the birds in the trees around me and like, listen in more deeply to the conversation that we're having as we're walking instead of, you know, trying to just get where I'm going as quickly as possible and like keep my heart rate [00:20:00] up.
Fallon: y'all, Abby is a, like such a fast walker. I get to the point where I'm like, I can't do it anymore, Abby. I can't. Like I trail and she'll keep walking and she'll just talk behind her and I'm like yelling up, front
Abby: See, we all have things we have to work on.
Fallon: me up because I get to, I literally just can't. I'm like, I just can't keep up.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: yeah. Year ago. But it is, it's such a, it is such, such a beautiful life will slow us down in really, you know, annoying ways. But they get to be, like you said, they also get to be like, Hey, what if? Yeah. Very beautiful. Yeah.
Yeah. So what are the ways in which you're trying to power through or you're seeing a situation in through the eyes of how you think it should be versus maybe praying and asking to see it through the eyes of God, through the eyes of the universe. Something I have to do as well. How can I look at this Through your eyes, God, universe, angels, like, help me see different because like in, in [00:21:00] anything, because the thing is, is like most of our annoyances are the little stuff.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: Coffee's not warm enough. You know, like the, like whatever. It's usually just small stuff, but when you can shift the small stuff, it's easier to shift the big stuff because that will be your practice. You know, let me shift my perspective on the small things going wrong. Then naturally you're gonna drop into that when there's big stuff happening in your life.
Abby: Yeah, exactly.
Fallon: yeah,
Abby: Well, we love you
Fallon: always.
Abby: and let us know how many. If you try this and when you try it and what your perspective shifts to and what you notice happen when you shift your perspective into, you know what, if this is all working out for me perfectly,
Fallon: Yeah, share with us your examples. Tag us in your story. Be like, this happened today and then I shifted my perspective. Tag us so we can, like we wanna celebrate you, we wanna see you in that. We wanna get excited with you in that. And if you need help doing this, I know [00:22:00] Abby's got some incredible spaces open for her hypnosis and her own fa I don't, was it faster tapping technique?
What do you call it?
Abby: You know, faster tapping. Well, and I don't know when we're gonna drop this episode, but I was gonna say, I'm doing a challenge next. Well, starting next week, that's gonna be kind of going into all of the different techniques and tools that I use to regulate, you know, regulate the nervous system, rewire things in your brain, your belief system.
So, and that'll be free and fun.
Fallon: I love it and I've got some spaces to work one-on-one or set up a soul, just a single soul session. It's up to 75 minutes and this is the stuff we get to look at like what's going on in your life. Let's kind of puzzle piece it differently and then give you the tools and the practices to take with you to help you integrate so that life does feel like, oh, like today I was.
Abby: constantly being bombarded with like tiny miracles always happening.
Fallon: I was at the beach today and I was just like, oh God. It's just so great. My life is so great. I love, literally love my life. I love it. [00:23:00] Yeah. And we love you. Like Abby said, tag us. We'll see you next week.
Abby: See you next week.