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This month, Samantha and her guests are tackling the shame trigger of Aging. In this episode, Samantha talks with returning guest Danielle Brooks (formerly Ellis). Danielle has been on a journey of self-discovery since turning 50 and has spent the pandemic realizing certain things about her life. She talks about how she had a well-rehearsed vulnerability story, but that she wasn't truly in touch with herself. She needed to hold space for herself and tap into some of the unhealed parts to reclaim her life. When it comes to aging, Danielle understands that it's never too late to take the first step into being more whole. She walks us through her journey and has encouraging words for the listeners, so listen in as Danielle and Samantha "Flush It Out!"
Flushing It Out with Samantha Spittle, the Introvert's Extrovert. The podcast where she talks to people so you don't have to...for now.
Samantha Spittle 0:00
You know, I think that people naturally start to take stock of their life. You know, as we age, we get older we have, you know, regrets, or we have things that we want to do over or try to ignore, or we want to work on. And it's just it's a lot. It's a lot. Where do you start? And you're on the journey, we're on the journey together, right? Well, why don't we jump in and returning guest? Why don't you introduce yourself?
Danielle Brooks 0:25
Well, hello, I'm so excited to be coming back to the fleshing it out. Podcast. My name is Danielle Brooks. I had a different last name. In the last episode. As if any of you listened to the last episode, I did walk through a divorce coming up on two years of it being final at this point. And just due to the Coronavirus, different restrictions, it took quite a while to get the name change going. So that that's the story on that. But I'm very excited to come back and have this conversation into a different aspect of my journey at this juncture
Samantha Spittle 1:04
in life. It's funny, because you know, talking this, this episode about kind of aging, and kind of all the stuff we carry, you know, as we as we age, I think a lot of this stuff, it starts to reveal itself over time, right? If you're paying attention. And last time, we talked about kind of walking through trauma and healing from trauma. So definitely go back and listen to that episode. And so today, I'm excited because you've been doing the work, you know, and the work looks different for everyone. And but I'm excited to kind of hear more about the work you've been doing. Because I think that if someone's listening to this, there is a part of them that I would guess is like, Am I doing the work? What work do I need to do? I don't know. Cuz that's kind of the some of the questions I would ask. And so I would love to hear kind of what you've been doing and how we can kind of take some notes on that from a woman who's walking the walk.
Danielle Brooks 1:59
Thank you. So some of the work that I did was some individual therapy, talk therapy, as well as, during my divorce, I was a part of a divorce recovery group. But I did get to a point where it was just an internal feeling that I knew it was time to move forward in another step of healing, where I acknowledged all that had happened. Part of of that therapy and divorce recovery, it was not just about my marriage, I really took that opportunity to focus on myself and do some deep digging inside my soul around some different childhood traumas, things I thought I had dealt with before, and really mapping out how some of those unhealed areas had shaped my decision making. And were just impacting my relationships and other choices in my life. And I think everyone gets to that point when you walk along that path, where you can get stuck in regret, stuck in looking back at all the missed opportunities, or making a different choice to acknowledge, own mourn, you know, I had grieving I had to just let go of some things while I still may have dreams, I can't go back to age 20, I can't go back to age 30, or whatever those different pivotal moments are, where if I had just turned left, you know, there could have been this other outcome. So you mourn, you mourn. For me, that also looks like building a little bit of an altar, you know, at some of those points. And a big culminating effort for me came about when my 50th birthday was approaching and trying to really figure out how to celebrate in the midst of the pandemic. Again, it was it was a switch that just clicked for me that I didn't want to stay stuck in healing mode. And that was a conscious choice that I made. And so I would say anyone you know, at that point, have your emotions, don't suppress them, move through them, but kind of listen to your intuition listen to yourself, your Spirit will guide you when when you're healed enough to move forward. And it's just like flexing any new you know, muscle you haven't you ever or the long time that you have to ease into it. Ease into what that looks like and so for me that looked like stopping therapy. You know, deciding I while I enjoyed and gained so much from the recovery group I found it was taking me a little backwards at a point, you know, because I am very sensitive and connecting with the other people in the group. And so for me, I needed to shift out of those environments and find some other environments. And so moving to celebrating my birthday, I started off just thinking I would make a top 10 list of something about myself, you know, it went from that to probably over 100 different things, I had categories. Remember,
Samantha Spittle 5:33
you and I remember that and all the things we had in common, and that was great.
Danielle Brooks 5:40
And I had so much fun. And it was good to think about, again, even as some of those moments that I look back on. They also had painful moments there as well. But it was good to look back and discover the joys that were there as well. And the simple pleasures that made me who I am, and maybe some things that I had forgotten, you know, so I went down a path of, you know, my favorite books and television shows and music and different points in time, different people that had been positive influences on me. And that helped me even again, like I said, if you if you think about the different paths, but you know, you're on the path that you're on, you made the decisions that you make, you make peace with it, and you bring it all in with you at this moment. And so that was kind of like just this autopsy of my first 50 years of, you know, again, I had done the hard, deep drudgery of walking through the trauma, which was necessary, yes, to grow. But then to realize that there was joy along the way, there was happiness, there were, again, things that I wanted to pull into my future, I wanted to reconnect with the little girl inside of me that like to dance, that like to sing, that likes to just laugh. You know, there's a term going around toxic positivity, and I struggled with with, you know, is that me, that can be a trauma response. And, again, part of infusing it together was getting healed enough to know, if I was denying my reality, but also healed enough to understand that it's okay to be a positive person in this world. Yeah, there are some things about me that, you know, while trauma may have exploited it into a very negative space, some of those things about me are good, and they're right, and they're needed in the world.
Samantha Spittle 7:59
You know, it's that's what like coping mechanisms, something that our therapist had kind of helped me with is, in my brain, I think I got to this place that coping mechanisms are bad, you know, because they are part of a trauma response, right, and realizing that they obviously protect us and keep us safe. And, you know, they in and of themselves, they're not bad, you know, what I mean? It's kind of just taking it to the extreme, but you said something, uh, acknowledging the grief that's involved when we unpack our stuff. And I think that so often we're afraid to unpack it, because of that grief that we go through. But I often say the work is worth it, you know, other people say to, you know, the work is worth it. But it's hard when you're in the midst of that grief to feel that, and I what I love about kind of your story and where you're at now, when we spoke before you were in that you were doing the work, and I feel like you were starting to come out the other side. And now it's, you know, probably what a year, at least a year, maybe more later. And so to kind of just, I think when you have people that are on the journey, like ahead of you a little bit, it's that kind of, it's that turning back and cheering for the people still, you know, that are in the race to like, come on, it's worth it. And to be reminded that as we heal, we're able to find more of the good and the positive and to help integrate it because it's so easy to just want to wipe out entire seasons of our life, especially the hard things and finding those little nuggets of joy and realize that they're part of us too. So it can all have space hold space together. Yes.
Danielle Brooks 9:42
Yeah. I think the grief the grief was important for me, because I was a person who did not have a lot of self worth. I didn't feel like my pain was as bad as somebody else's. And so I would tend to, again in my positive of nature, like, it's not that bad, or, you know, you're okay, you're healthy, you know, but you pulled through. And so it took me really getting, like you said, holding space for my own grief, to recognize that it's not a grief Olympics, you know, it's not an 18 Olympics, yeah, like, I don't have to get the gold, in trauma to be able to have grief, or to be sad or to, you know, walk through a season of mild depression or whatever that looks like that I acknowledged that it hurts, and allowed myself to feel those feelings was was big for me. I think talking more about it in in a healthy way, you know, I think you have to find your people that can handle and hold space with you and for you, especially now, because so many people are going through so much. But I was very fortunate to have a couple of really good friends that I, in some cases was able to reconnect with was that was something I aggrieved, you know, with, all in, in my marriage, and really, in an unhealthy way had let go of a lot of deep good friendships. And so as, as great as people are, they welcomed me back in some relationships, it was like it never give up, like, we've never stopped talking. And it was good to have people to just be able to process some of that with to cry with, that didn't feel the need to try to resolve anything, or fix anything, just listen to me. And as a woman of faith, I think it also helps to disarm the tools of the enemy. Because anything that's in the darkness, he can use to keep you in that shame, space and keep you in the space of condemnation. And so when I could, you know, be able to speak these things, to reclaim my self worth to know that I am a person of value, my pain is valid. I don't need the people that hurt me to validate it, but it's valid, it removed a big portion of where the enemy was working against me, you know, just in my mind, keeping me kind of trapped, in my mind. So I would tell anyone that's on the journey, you know, to find those people I called Find your helpers, you know, I pray for like, God, show me my helpers, show me the people that can bear this weight with me, and help me through this season. And I think that isn't important.
Samantha Spittle 12:52
Yeah. And, you know, something, because we're kind of talking about this, this idea of aging and carrying these things, you know, you mentioned about reconnecting with old friends. And I know that, you know, all these different seasons of life, you know, if you're a parent, and kind of how that happens, marriage, relationships that, you know, pull us away, whether they're healthy or unhealthy, you know, all the things. So how did you reconnect with some of those people? How did you start that conversation? Because I think that, you know, it's that fear that holds us back the fear of rejection and all that. And so kind of just sometimes taking the first step is so important. So how did you start to lean into that,
Danielle Brooks 13:31
it is so important. So I'll say two different friend groups and one group. These are friends I've had from high school, and, you know, we kind of had that you stay in touch via Facebook. But two of these ladies I was super close with for a number of years, even after high school. And then we it was just a kind of a Facebook, watching our kids grow up. But I took that step to just kind of go in the inbox and really, you know, open up about what was going on in my life. And, you know, again, it was early in COVID. So it was like, Can we do a zoom, you know, just I was doing zoom for work for everything but and they were so gracious and and we started at some zoom conversations. And I'll just say, I think you hear that saying, you know, hold on to your girlfriends, because they might be the longest relationships that you have in life. And it was wonderful that they we just picked right up, like we never stopped talking. And they were so supportive of me. And then another group were some friends I had from college. And we had done some, you know, girls trips and things together. But like you said, life gets in the way. It's not always about unhealthy relationships, just life gets in the way. And I'll say that's kind of my fun group. So we had some fun monthly zooms where there's another kind of, we call her the gather the guests And that group that she kind of just pulled us all in during COVID and said, We're gonna do this monthly thing. And so we've done zoom facials together, we've just dissed. But I, you know, I was able to find myself being vulnerable in that space, as well, but that I needed that kind of fun group to, again, just to rediscover laughter and silliness. And the woman that I am outside of just the mom box, the work box, the divorce, say, you know, but just just rediscover me as the woman relating with other women, just for fun. For people that have known me, again, even if it was not continually but have known me over 25 years, you know, that was a very safe space for me to be able to, you know, let them know, some of them, you know, maybe not, I'm not on social media. So they weren't even aware that I was divorced. And they were just so supportive, though. So you'd be surprised at the friends that you have. And I'll add one more group, you know, our first friends, our cousins. Yeah. So, you know, my family is wonderful and had opportunity to, you know, have some some cousin chats. So that that was that as well.
Samantha Spittle 16:25
I found similar reconnecting with, with older friends, you know, after walking through a difficult season, myself, too. And I just, I, I was surprised, actually, at the healing that came from connecting with, you know, just friends who've known me for a really long time, and through many different seasons of life and kind of being open and vulnerable. With things I was going through now. It allowed me to experience the joy with them, you know, because we're kind of talking about this whole aging and, and, you know, integrating and whatnot. And I think when you're carrying a lot of heavy stuff, we put so much energy, and especially if you're doing even if you know, you're doing the work of the healing and everything, it's just it's so heavy, and when you are carrying it and you're trying to shield it, I think that expend so much energy. And I thought if I share the stuff, the real stuff with people, it's going to be too heavy, it's going to be too negative. And what I found is that and this was said early on in the podcast, I think with my one of my first guests, Rebecca Bertram, you know about how, when we share with others, it helps lighten the load, you know, it divides grief, and, and multiplies joy. And the man this past year, it's, it's just wow, the more I share with the trusted, safe people, the grief stuff, it really lightens it, and then it able I'm able to make room for the joy. And we I think we live in this culture where it's like, in you've mentioned the toxic positivity, like, Okay, if we just, if we just push it over here, keep it in this department, then we can have fun over here, like, Oh, it's so much better when it's all too, you know, integrated. We kind of integrate it all.
Danielle Brooks 18:07
Yeah, and I mean, I'm laughing because I'm thinking about I know there's nothing that's like TMI for your podcast, but even in you know, you you have the lightning of your grief, but then practical things that you think about aging and you feel like you're the only one having this problem or that problem. And so we have swapped like, Girl, this is for my thighs and sleeve and
give this pill, take the collagen. It's like, wait a minute, you know what try these honeypot panty liners, you know, because we need some extra assistance and this age.
Samantha Spittle 18:43
I had a whole conversation about the boob sweat since COVID as well wearing more comfortable clothes. And I told her house like yeah, I'm the boob sweat, but I love these bras are super comfortable. And she was like, Oh my gosh, I never would have said that. Like, I thought I was the only one I was like, No, I know, it's not just us, because there's a lot more going on
Danielle Brooks 19:02
a whole lot going on. Yes. And it's been good to have that space because, you know, we're in a youth focus culture, you know, 50s, the new 40 You know, all these things, and I think it makes it challenging just to feel comfortable at your age. And, you know, whatever it is and embracing I'm not saying you know, let yourself go but just to let yourself be be exactly where you are at the age you are. So having those friends that have known you and being able to experience this life where we are together right now, but they're reminding you of also who you are so you can have your evolving person heard but also be reminded of all the great wonderful things that you possess and why why they value you as a friend is important. Yeah, we swapped all kinda honey list. Like, oh, you can't sleep either. Oh, your dad's a rubber together with, you know, what are the new Spanx? What do we mean?
solve these problems?
Samantha Spittle 20:12
What are the things that no one is talking about? That I need to know about? Yeah. Well, I, so I was thinking about, you know, we talked about kind of grieving, finding the joy again. And Earl, you know, you had mentioned kind of this autopsy of life and how you when you walk through your 50th revisiting. So if someone wanted to say, Okay, I'm doing the work, I want to rediscover the joy, how can they start doing an autopsy of their own life?
Danielle Brooks 20:44
Where I started was I'm I like to write I like to journal. So I really started with one question because I'm a naturally curious person. And so I kind of did my own self coaching. And I just started with a kind of a prompt, when was the last time that I felt truly happy. And so where I started was a time when I was in the military. And I just listed like five or six things that were happening in my life at that time. And from those things I listed, that's where the, the other list started, because it was about, you know, I'll say, I was really in shape I used to run and prepare for I laughed, I can't even imagine he said, prepare for like a half marathon. But I was like, I was running, I was listening to this music, I would dance, you know, I was doing these things. And so then I took each one of those things and dug a little bit deeper into those things, but I really focused in on When was I last happy? When could I first remember. And then from that age, I would kind of take it back a little bit farther, when when did I remember being what was happy about high school because at that age I started, I was early 20s. And then maybe if I wrote out a certain song, you know, it was a reminder of some other event, you know, the prompt, whatever it was, it was kind of this web of, of just my happiness, certainly, in my life. That was my start point of my question, you know, when was I last happy? What, you know, what smells, what foods? Where was I you know, and really taking the time to try to envision myself in those moments. And, you know, in the in the world before we had 100 pictures for everything, you know, you might only have one or two pictures. So it really was an exercise of taking myself down memory lane with a happiness filter for for my life.
Samantha Spittle 22:54
I wonder. I'm curious now. So if you so I feel like if we are not in touch with kind of, I don't know if reality is the right word. But if we're living in denial, we'll say okay, just kind of everything's great. Always silver lining, you know, that toxic positivity, being in that mindset, that everything's great. There's no problems, and then you start peeling back the layers. You're like, wow, there really is a lot of hurt there. There is a lot of you know, trauma. And like you said that word trauma. There's, it's it's not an Olympics. So that's just I like the definition is trauma is anything we experienced that we are not able to handle emotionally. So then it's different to everybody. You know, there's Exactly, yeah. And so we start peeling back that, and it can get to that negative space. And so I'm wondering, it's almost like the pendulum, you know what I mean? So you go from one end, and it's like, everything's great. There's no problems, and then suddenly, everything has that negative filter. So now it's kind of forced, you know, not forcing yourself, but it's almost like finding the positives throughout it to help remind yourself that it's there too. And it can be simple joys like, you know, we had this year with the Super Bowl this halftime show, you know, they said basically, it's like anyone from 30s to 50s is like yes, yes are like this is those trades and college years. Life is good. And it's amazing how a song can just light you up and I was scrolling up Instagram the other day and a woman had on brandy song, I think I don't know if the titles right, but I think it was like sitting up in my room or something. It's one of her early hits. Yes. And I was scrolling and it was just I didn't know the people and I scrolled and I heard that like just the opening. Yeah, back and I watched this woman's whole video, her just dancing lip synching. And I'm like, I even commented, I was like, just so you know. I literally like swipe but then came back to you Because I heard that song. And it just brought me back to what I was when I was sitting up in my room thinking, Yes, I had the biggest smile on my face. And I was like, oh my goodness, like, I need to rediscover that joy because you know, I get it. I'm so heavy. That who would have thought just a simple song that I remembered, you know, jamming out to it. And now suddenly, I don't know, just kind of filling fill in that part of me like she's still there. And that's Oh, yes, I want to Yes. The she's still there, kind of how can we find that? That little girl inside of us? You know, yeah, Joy. So I love that property started with to the when was I happy when it when did I last feel truly happy.
Danielle Brooks 25:43
And I out qualify it for myself. I was a person. And we shared on the last podcast, I really was living life in the four times where I thought I could just outrun my past that I could achieve enough to just close the door on all the icky stuff. And I had rehearsed my trauma story very well. I knew every person every moment, every time I felt lonely, rejected, abandoned, I had that story down pat. And for me, it was a story of overcoming, like, I had, all this stuff happened to me, and look at me now. I'm a veteran, I've achieved this, I've, uh, you know, that's how I was married, I don't want to live the perfect kids. And I was just gonna achieve my way out of my past or, again, with the church, pray, praise my way out of it. It's it happened. Suck it up, you know, God is good, he remains, but I've never dealt with it. And so the happiness filter for me was to go back and reclaim the rest of my story, that my story of my origin is not only the bad, it's not only the trauma, I had to go back and, you know, pull the pieces of me from my childhood on the happiness pieces, that the pieces that make up the whole, I am not just this, you know, person that experienced all these terrible things and then got healed. And now today. So that was part of my processing, because that's how my mind works in a very compartmentalized kind of black and white thinking. So I had to move through and break through again, my own mindsets. And so that was part of it. And a big, you know, catalyst for that was crystal Evans Hearst book, she's still there. And it's all about rediscovering the little girl inside of you. And, you know, like I mentioned, I had, I could tell my painful stories like nobody's business, but doing that work to recover the happy parts of my childhood, the the parts of me that just make me smile. And you know that it's not all gloom and doom, the gloom and doom is there. But there there are other positive things as well. Along the way,
Samantha Spittle 28:28
yeah, it's funny with the happiness and I was talking about the pendulum because I was thinking of like, where I am. And for me, like, I started EMDR therapy therapy recently. And I've had headaches since I was a kid. And it's funny, you talked about how you had your story, rehearse, like, not like you had rehearse your trump story. And I'm, you know, as I'm unpacking my stuff, and I'm still kind of in the midst of it, you know, but it's like, there's things that I can talk about, and, of course, my coping mechanism, laugh, joking, and, you know, light hearted. But it's amazing, because as I'm unpacking more, I'm realizing, wow, there's a lot of emotion tied to that. And so it's almost like the opposite of the spectrum of what you talked about, where I didn't see any of my stuff as traumatic as trauma. You know, everything was just, you know, oh, when this person said this to me, can you believe that haha. And then, you know, now I'm sitting in unpacking my stuff, trying to get to the root causes and stuff. And I'm like, wow, that's really painful. But like you said earlier, it's that painful Olympics where it's, well, it's not as bad as XYZ, or this or that, but I'm finally getting to that place with myself in my own healing where, oh, it doesn't, you know, we're not comparing that was really painful for me, and kind of needing to. So for me, it's like with that integration we talked about, it's kind of like acknowledging the grief acknowledging that girl in me who's really sad and then it goes goes back for me with the pendulum because it's like, oh, everything's fine. And then you go back and forth. And so I love the kind of, I'm grateful, you know, to hear your perspective. And then it's, you know, helping me thinking if anyone's, you know, for people listening, if they're thinking, how it's just so interesting how our stories can be so different, but we can benefit from all of the things like we can learn from each other, and kind of salutely those tools.
Danielle Brooks 30:27
So in my adult life, I was kind of where you are, where, within my marriage, it was just like, oh, it's not that bad, you know? And then I would, you know, when I began to open up to people, you know, just to see their face like, Oh, my God, what happened to you
realize, like, oh, yeah, maybe that is why my chest, like, I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. This was this was really hard here and work through this. So no, I totally, totally relate. Yeah.
Samantha Spittle 30:58
And the thing I feel like I've common common see, it's this whole the inner child, inner child. And, you know, you said earlier about not wanting to be to woo, you know, I don't want to go too far over here. And I always joke with the podcast, you know, the first season of the first, you know, half of the first season, it's like, oh, okay, interesting. Okay, and then now I'm like, you guys, all the woowoo was right. It's all this inner child stuff. It's all of this healing, we have to do. So. Anyway, so that's why I always like, Yep, it is all about that inner child. So tell me more about she's still here. So for as people are kind of going through this journey, going through aging, integrating it all, how to how to kind of see that inner child.
Danielle Brooks 31:39
Sure, I will. So this author is a Christian author, Krystal Evans Hearst, and she shares openly her story of, you know, she was a teen mom, she's, she's a preacher's kid, a PK ended up being an unwed teen mom. And you know what that meant, in that circle in terms of feeling like, this is your path now, you know, just kind of put your head down and just be grateful that you didn't get, you know, kicked off the planet, because you messed up and coming into her 40s and realizing that she still had dreams, and that God could redeem even those parts of her story that someone might think, would not give glory to God, that if she turned it over to him, you know, he could get glory from it. And so it's about having compassion on the little girl inside of you. And that's the little girl all the way up to whatever age isn't necessarily just, you know, it starting with that young inner child, whatever, those different things that were spoken to you, like you said, some of them, maybe no one minute to harm you, you know how siblings joke around weight or you know, whatever those issues are, but realizing that sometimes it imprints upon you. And it causes you to react and respond differently all the way through your life. So she kind of guides with her own story, helping you know, women or her audience, to really have compassion on the little girl inside of you, number one for what she didn't know
what you know, what happened to her,
the choices that she made, and then reclaiming the purpose and plans that she still might want to achieve, what were the dreams that you had as a little girl, and she's a firm believer in, you know, as long as you are still living on the planet, you have the opportunity to realize dreams, it may not look like what it could have looked like, again, if there are different physical limitations or what have you at our age, but that we don't have to feel like our dreams are dead because we didn't accomplish them at 25 or 30. That as long as we're here, we can find ways to still have value, to still find purpose, to learn new things, to find those things in our childhood, make sense of them, heal from them, but also glean the, maybe the dreams we left behind because of again, bad choices, what happened to us. But no, we don't have to accept that, that we can bring her on into our current phase of life that we're in and have her right there alongside us, cheering us on as we, you know, conquer those demons, but also as we grow, learn, and move into purpose, and we're not starting, you know, at a lack. We're starting with wisdom. We're starting with all of these experiences that can help help us go further faster when we embrace all of that. And so for me, that was huge because I was a compartmentalizing person. And I think that's why things always felt so hard. Because I wasn't willing to bring in integrate all those pieces of me and to get comfortable with all of it and to be confident and who I was. So that that book was wonderful to help me get to that, that space. And I think just at a certain age you again, you can either succumb to this youth filled world, or maybe just our culture, I don't know, I'm in America, or you can say, Yeah, bring it, bring it. I have all my age, wisdom, experience, I'm bringing it all to bear, I am fully embracing every aspect of who I am, what my life has, you know, unfolded, and I'm ready for the next thing, you know, just bring it on.
Samantha Spittle 36:02
So what is life? So as we're wrapping up? What does life look like? What is what, what's something that's either changed, or you've leaned into more, now that you've embraced this kind of integration of all the things all the work you've done.
Danielle Brooks 36:16
I mean, one major thing, just thinking about aging is being fully comfortable and confident in my age. I, you know, God bless anybody who doesn't want to share their age, I'm happy to say I'm 50, I think, with the amount of lives lost during this pandemic, and I'm never going to be ashamed of my age, that I, that I am, it has also given me just confidence, I have a confidence, my journey with the lack of, you know, feeling whole or feeling worthy, I would operate in this very false humility, like, you know, just beneath, like, I didn't want to bring too much attention to myself, because I didn't want to feel like I was operating in pride. But then I realized that that's pride, you know, I can have confidence in who God created me to be. And it's about his creation, I'm his creation. So I'm bragging on what God is doing is not about me. And so I'm going to fully embrace every gift and skill that I have and no longer shrink back. And what that looks like is I'm a part of a sorority, one of the Divine nine, African American fraternity and sorority organizations. I've moved into leadership and a local chapter that I'm a part of, I have done more public spoken word, things I write poetry of, for many years would never say that, that I was a writer that I write poetry, but, you know, I'm not published, but I'm a writer, and I'm a poet, and I perform it, and I do it unapologetically. And, um, you know, professionally, I recently, you know, went for promotion at work. And it took I applied on the very last day that the job had been open for, like 30 days, because I really was still feeling like, oh, I don't know, I'm still kind of new in this nonprofit space. But I had to remember, you're, you're not new to this, you have 25 years of professional experience. They've trusted you with this position. You are qualified, and I'm here to talk myself through it. Yeah. Yes. And, and I, you know, I recently got promoted. So I'm just I'm happy about where I am. And I think, just as we embrace all of who we are, and bring all of our experience to bear it. It just frees you up in a way to go after things that you may have felt. Either you miss the time that time has passed for you, or you didn't feel you know, you're worthy of so I'm in a place where it's like, go time, go for it.
Samantha Spittle 39:14
Congratulations on the promotion, and I love hearing all the things you're doing this is such a perfect way. As I said earlier, the work is worth it. No to walk through the difficult seasons, to revisit those seasons in order to heal. To dive into the things we need to do to reclaim our joy and find that little girl I think it's just such beautiful to see you on this journey. And I look forward to continuing to see and follow you and I just shared thank you so much for sharing, you know your your story and a window into the work you've been doing and the joy that you've reclaimed. So
Danielle Brooks 39:50
thank you so much, Samantha one final book recommendation is everything belongs by Richard Rohr. The it's a contemporary A contemplative prayer book, but it helped me really integrate my Christian beliefs along with other, just tapping into my spirit and the things that would just wouldn't let go. And maybe people have those moments, you know, seeing sequential numbers, or, you know, you just wake up with the same thought in the middle of the night and, you know, was a pizza, did I just watch a show, but
really being able
to tap into your spirit, you know, again, not in this far out way that you know, might be fearful, but really understanding and expanding our capacity to, to understand our place in the universe and to, again, open ourselves up to that internal intuition that is leading and guiding us. It's not scary, you know, you don't have to sweat selling your soul out to anything. But it's really his work really helped me make sense of all that. And, again, bring all that into who I am now that, you know, I'm still a woman of Christian faith, but I look at signs, I don't just look at them as coincidences or things that I won't, you know, just pass by, but I take notice more of those different things.
Samantha Spittle 41:31
Yeah. I remember when you shared your, your journey, you know, leading up to 50. And I think there's just such power in the things we're learning along the way. And so many people are curious, you know, sitting on the sidelines wondering about their own journey. And I think just knowing that other people are doing the work and it's worth it is is helps us all along on that on our own paths. So thank you
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