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Chasta and Sara discuss “red flags” and how they show up in everyday life, from feeling uneasy or anxious to recognizing manipulative, toxic, or ignorant behavior. They share recent examples including bringing a parent to a job interview and learned helplessness, businesses with zero negative reviews and reputation scrubbing, vague or bot-like responses to reviews, and emails written by ChatGPT. They call out lack of transparency and avoiding anything in writing, hidden subscriptions and hard-to-cancel services, and anxiety-inducing messages like “Can we talk?” without context. They also address normalizing or glorifying injuries in sports and dance, child influencers and legality, confusing success metrics with real understanding, AI-generated marketing materials, self-care sliding into selfishness, and being uninvited from spaces as a sign of selective inclusivity and echo chambers.
00:00 Red Flags Kickoff
00:59 How Red Flags Feel
02:04 Parent at Interview
04:41 Too Perfect Reviews
10:51 ChatGPT Email Vibes
11:59 Transparency and Receipts
14:19 Hidden Subscriptions Trap
15:53 Can We Talk Text
16:17 Give Me Context
17:32 Injury Culture Warning
18:19 Brace and Cast Stories
22:12 Child Influencers Debate
23:39 Success Versus Understanding
27:08 Spotting AI Marketing
28:46 Self Care to Selfish
30:34 Selective Inclusivity
32:15 Wrap Up and Subscribe
Creators and Guests
What is Nobody Listens to Chasta?
What happens when someone says the things everyone else is thinking—but nobody is willing to say out loud?
Nobody Listens to Chasta is a counterculture podcast hosted by entrepreneur, speaker, and author Chasta Hamilton. With humor, candor, and unapologetic honesty, Chasta tackles the uncomfortable topics shaping modern life—from youth sports trophies and toxic achievement culture to entrepreneurship, parenting, grief, addiction, and the pressure to conform.
Drawing from her experience building Stage Door Dance Productions, founding Girls Geared for Greatness, and writing books like Trash the Trophies and Handle the Horrible, Chasta challenges systems that no longer serve us and explores better ways to live, lead, and raise the next generation.
Expect bold conversations, unconventional perspectives, and thoughtful debate designed to inspire healthier, happier, and more intentional lives.
If you've ever questioned the status quo…
you might be someone who actually listens to Chasta.
11 - Nobody Listens to Chasta
===
[00:00:00]
Chasta: Hey there, it's Chasta, and this is Nobody Listens to Chasta, but you're here, and I hope you are ready to listen today because today we are talking about a hot topic, red flags. What are they? Where are they? What to do when they hit you, and what we've experienced over the years. Today, I have fan favorite back at the mic, Sarah.
Sara: Hey, hey. Hey. I'm so happy to have you here to talk about red flags. I'm super excited to talk about red flags.
Chasta: And we're both kind of wearing shades of red.
Sara: Are, are you?
Chasta: Well, I, yeah, I've
Sara: got a-
Chasta: Oh, your skirt?
Sara: Yes. I can't see you. Okay. I only see your top. Okay.
Chasta: Well,
Sara: you saw me
Chasta: before we sat down.
Sara: I
Chasta: did, but I wasn't...
Sara: We're both wearing red.
Chasta: Yes. So we're ready. We're ready to talk
Sara: about-
Chasta: We, we are ready ... red flags. So [00:01:00] tell me, what, how does a red flag make you feel?
Sara: So it depends on what kind of red flag it is, but I think apprehensive.
Chasta: Yeah.
Sara: Um, but, you know, if we're thinking, there are so many different kinds of red flags, right?
Chasta: That's also true.
Sara: So we're thinking, like, is it manipulative? Is it, um, a toxic behavior? Is it something that just makes you feel uneasy, um, sets off that intuition?
Chasta: Or is it just ignorant?
Sara: Or, or is it ignorant?
Chasta: So, um, yes, there's a variety of red flags. Yes. But a red flag basically means, "No, thanks."
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: "We're not interested." For me, I g- I kinda feel anxious.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: Or, like, an eyebrow twitch, and you get the eyebrow twitch too, don't you? I, I do
Sara: get the eyebrow
Chasta: twitches. I'm wondering how many of our listeners get- Get eyebrow twitches ... the eyebrow twitch.
Sara: Yes. Yes. Or even just eyes.
Chasta: Eyes, eyebrows. Yes.
Sara: Any kind of twitch, actually.
Chasta: So I made a list of, to just get the conversation going- Okay, I'm ready ... of some red flags that I feel like we've experienced recently. They're all recent red flags. Oh, they're all
Sara: recent red flags. [00:02:00] That's fun.
Chasta: Recent-ish. Okay. Maybe you have more historical, but I tried to stay kind of recent. So first off is you bring a parent to a job interview.
Sara: Oh, yes. Yes, yes. Major red flag there.
Chasta: And I think it's not that we don't want everyone to love their parents, right? Right. We're parents. We wanna be loved, but we also want, we want our children to be independent and thrive, and I think the red flag of that type of behavior goes back to learned helplessness.
Mm-hmm. Not being comfortable with children to adolescent to young adult to adult independence, which is what we should all want, right?
Sara: Right.
Chasta: Put your counselor hat on.
Sara: And, and I also think, so the issue with the parent in the job interview too is not the fact that, like, the parent is there observing.
It's the active consultation within the job interview. That is also a major red flag. Yes. So asking, like, "What other questions should I ask?" instead of just speaking with the person, um, that is definitely a major red flag.
Chasta: It kind of goes alongside shrinking [00:03:00] instead of standing in your confidence. Mm-hmm.
Ways that our voice is taken away, questioned, you know, rooms and spaces where we feel smaller than we should because we're not being allowed to reach our fullest potential. Right. So I think that, that's something that's kind of emerged post-COVID, and we know it's happening not just in job interviews, but we're hearing it about colleges- Yep
lots of different environments of where are we incubating learned helplessness.
Sara: Yeah. Yeah, and I think that that red flag can go for both the child or the person who is being interviewed or attending college, and also the parent for not giving their child the independence
Chasta: The space.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: Um, I completely agree with that, and I think about it even when we talk about it in the studio.
We're a very child independent learning space. Mm-hmm. So whether that's shoe changes, walking on stage, finding spots, from our very f- beginner- Yeah ... like two-year-olds. Yeah. Like, we want to cultivate this mindset of [00:04:00] independence- Yes ... executive functioning, leadership, being able to be confident, not necessarily conforming to a system, but finding a space for your voice within a system.
Sara: Yeah, and also developing that confidence to ask for help if you need it- Yes ... because I also feel like that's something that a lot of kids are not getting right now.
Chasta: Right, right.
Sara: Um, so just being able to say, "I don't know the answer to this," and handle that tactfully.
Chasta: And helping them work through how to solve a problem-
Sara: Yes
Chasta: because that's a huge skill, too. That way you don't have the learned helplessness, because you actually are problem-solving, you're communicating problems, you're asking questions- Mm-hmm ... all of these different things that are so helpful later in life.
Sara: Yep.
Chasta: So that was red flag number one.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: Red flag number two, I think you're really gonna love this one.
I'm ready. This is kind of like a game.
Sara: It, it is kind of like a game. I wish we had-
Chasta: I don't
Sara: know
Chasta: what
Sara: to expect ...
Chasta: like, you move the pieces. But here's number two. Or,
Sara: like, you hit the button and the flag pops up.
Chasta: Yes. That would be fun. Yes. Okay, here's one. Okay. Maybe for a l- you know, as we get more sophisticated, we can add props and, and game- Special effects
game [00:05:00] situations. Zero negative reviews.
Sara: Zero negative reviews. Yes,
Chasta: got it. And there's, like, 500 five-star.
Sara: Yes. So, like, this is not just talking about, like, a new business with, like, two reviews and both are five-star. This is, like, a business that's been around for years with hundreds of reviews and only five stars.
Chasta: And we see it happen in all different fields.
Sara: We do.
Chasta: And to that point, I'm just curious how many people realize that you can pay to have the internet scrubbed.
Sara: Yeah. I don't think... I think not a lot of people do realize that- Yeah ... because-
Chasta: Like, reputation management is an entire industry.
Sara: Yes. Well, and it's something that, like, I've even learned recently.
Like, I would always default to like, "Oh, it has five stars," but now I'm like, "I want something that's 4.8 or 4.9."
Chasta: Yeah, that is usually more factual. Yes. And it's also so important to look at how the responses- Yeah ... I think.
Sara: Absolutely.
Chasta: How were, how were the... how was the feedback handled?
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: Because we also are living in such a strange time when it comes to [00:06:00] reviews, where a situation can happen, right?
And then strangers start-
Sara: Start jumping
Chasta: in ... yes.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: And you can tell those aren't clients with lived experiences-
Sara: Right ...
Chasta: but voices from the outside. Mm-hmm. But then sometimes that happens, and then all of a sudden, it's jumps to five stars and hundreds of five stars.
Sara: Yes. Yes.
Chasta: And it's like, is that, is that true, or is that a red flag?
Sara: Right. And I think more often than not, it is a red flag- I agree ... because I don't think... Like, a business could be great and everything that you want it to be, but not everyone's gonna find it perfect. And I think that that's something to keep in mind, because-
Chasta: And imperfections are often learning opportunities.
Sure. That's... You know, we recently Had a random two-star come up.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: And I take these things very seriously. Yes. So seriously. I'm emailing the people, I'm calling. You know, I wanna know what happened, I wanna know how we can work together to make it better. Luckily, we got a hold of the family, and they were
They had just accidentally [00:07:00] hit it.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: They were resetting a phone, and it was an inadvertent mistake. And they accidentally
Sara: hit it.
Chasta: And they fixed it, but I do think the care and concern companies show towards reviews is really important. It should never just be an ask for a five-star review or paid five-star reviews, because those do exist too.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: Um, it should be this working relationship between the business and the customer-
Sara: Absolutely ...
Chasta: in the interest of what- whatever's being offered, whether it's a pizza or a class or alterations. Anything. Anything. Yep. Literally anything.
Sara: And I also think the, the responses, too, where it's like a, "Please call us to fix this problem," that's also a red flag to me-
Chasta: It
Sara: is?
as well.
Chasta: Why do you think that?
Sara: Well, because I feel like if you're, if you're responding- I see that one
Chasta: on hotels a lot.
Sara: Yeah. If, if, so if you're responding as a business, I think that, one, you should either respond transparently- Oh ... or you should be the one to reach out first. It shouldn't be a- Oh,
Chasta: where it's just like, "Please give us a call"
Sara: where it's like, "Please give us a call." Yeah. Not like the ones that are saying, like, "We've tried reaching out to you- Right ... and can't get in touch. Please call us." Right. But the ones [00:08:00] that just default to give us a call. Well, it's
Chasta: probably, it's probably a bot putting it up. Also that. 'Cause it is- It could be.
I know exactly what you're talking about now. Yep. It's very nonspecific- Mm-hmm ... non-situational. Just give us a call. And you, you have to assume that the person posting that review never calls. Never calls. Right. Or the super generic email address.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: That's not part, related to a person. Correct.
Sara: Or ... Yeah.
Which, because I did ... I left, I've left one negative Google review my entire life. Oh,
Chasta: my goodness. I know. But for a people pleaser- ... that's a, that's a big step.
Sara: It, it was a big step.
Chasta: How, how hard did you have to wrestle with putting that
Sara: up?
Chasta: Or were you just- I mean- You were ready. You were to the point.
Sara: I was in mama bear mode.
Okay. Because it w- We've all been there ... it impacted one of, one of my kids, and so I was in mama bear mode. And I left, it was a ... I don't know, it might not have been a- You probably read it 500 times- I probably saw that about once ... before you put it up ... or it might be. I 100% did. Yes. I read it, had people ... You probably read a draft of it.
Chasta: Like I probably did, but I don't even remember it. That's how far off the radar it is.
Sara: Yes. But anyway, the response that they [00:09:00] gave was a, "Call us," or, "We, we hope you'll come back." And did you call? No.
Chasta: Okay.
Sara: So,
Chasta: yeah. Yeah.
Sara: But I had already talked to them.
Chasta: Right.
Sara: So I had talked to them multiple times. Mm-hmm. And then after I left the review, I didn't wanna talk to them again.
Chasta: Right. One thing I've been trying to intentionally do is leave good reviews for places That I feel like are really showing up.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: I actually needed to be better at it- Okay ... because small businesses, they, they are the heart- Mm-hmm ... of a city and a town. Whatever, wherever we're visiting, I try to visit as many as possible.
I wanna get better about shouting out small businesses and the places that really go above and beyond. Yeah. Sometimes when things are good, you don't think about praising good things.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: But when things go bad, it's easier to shout it. It's easier to be angry.
Sara: Yeah.
Chasta: So now I might- See, and that's also a red flag on reviews.
Like, just think about the, the people that have left those are just really angry.
Sara: Yes. I mean, I was very angry when I left mine.
Chasta: Well, and yours, it was probably warranted, but I think about hotels a lot. Yes. Right? Like, when you're staying at a [00:10:00] family hotel and you hear kids through the wall.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: That's, that's like a common one.
Sara: Yeah, or, like, doctor's offices, like if you're not happy with, like, your wait time-
Chasta: Yeah ... or- And vets.
Sara: But see, now I wanna give- Vets have the story ... a positive review to our dentist, because I had a really great experience today, so-
Chasta: Yes ...
Sara: thank you.
Chasta: Yes. Shout out Dr. Britt.
Sara: Yes. Dr. Britt's the best. Britt
Chasta: Dental.
I've been going there forever, and so do all, like pretty much everyone in my circle.
Sara: Yep.
Chasta: So that's what we should do, and we should encourage our listeners to as well. Shout out a business, especially a small business that you love, give them a review, and let's spread some joy. Because we are talking about red flags, but I do think we need to celebrate the green flags- Absolutely
when we see them. All right, we ready for number three? I'm, yes. This is one you are going to love.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: From-
Sara: I'm a little nervous. Like, I don't, I don't like not knowing what's coming
Chasta: next. I, okay, well,
Sara: okay,
Chasta: so sit tight on that thought. Okay.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: But let's go to number three first. Emails written by ChatGPT.
Sara: I hate emails written by ChatGPT.
Chasta: I mean, you know that, but they don't make [00:11:00] sense, first off. They, they don't make sense. It's like the robot started on the right track, and then it got off.
Sara: And then it goes off, and it, like, says everything very formally, and it's not ... It feels, it just doesn't feel genuine.
Chasta: And you also have to ... I feel like reading comprehension intensifies on emails written by ChatGPT, because you have to think, "Wait, what does the, what are, what is it saying?" Right. Or like- That's, that's
Sara: my
Chasta: red flag- Because- ... of that it's written by ChatGPT- Well- ... because I'm like, "What is, what is this saying?"
Sara: And it also, like, tries to, like, like you can tell if someone was like, "Get straight to the point, but make it nice." Like, and then it just gets confused. Yes. And everything just sounds confusing.
Chasta: Yeah, but you can spot them a mile away.
Sara: Yeah, absolutely.
Chasta: And so that's a red flag, right? Yes. I mean, anything. I mean, there's a little more in the artificial intelligence realm on the list, but that was the first one.
And if you have, if you think of a red flag as we're going along, please- Okay ... don't hold back, okay?
Sara: So this is where I need my flag.
Chasta: Number [00:12:00] four, lack of transparency-
Sara: Mm-hmm ...
Chasta: is a red flag.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: So we've talked about the sneaky snakes in other episodes. Mm-hmm. And you know, private equity is a big one for me, but also just, like, hidden subscription costs-
Sara: Yes
Chasta: or hidden cost in anything-
Sara: Yes ...
Chasta: or insurance premium increases, because who's checking their escrow accounts, you know, regularly?
Sara: Correct.
Chasta: Um, or say an event happens. You know, for us, I think back to the Christmas parade in Raleigh several years ago- Mm-hmm ... where there was a, a tremendous tragedy, and it was so hard to get information.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: And I think information is so powerful, and when there's not information, there's a blank space.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: And what do people do in the blank space?
Sara: Make assumptions.
Chasta: They make assumptions. Mm-hmm. That's, that's where everyone becomes the most amazing creative writer you've ever seen. Right. Because the stories that emerge are magnificent.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: And sometimes it can be hard, right, to not fall into the trap- It- ... of the storytelling.
Sara: 100%.
Chasta: So that's why I've always lived in the space of let's [00:13:00] just be transparent.
Sara: Yeah, and I think you see that a lot in, like, the schools too- Yes ... as I'm learning, is this lack of transparency. Yes. And, um, you know, just, and- You know, that goes like- Tell us a little more-
Chasta: Can I, can I red
Sara: flag?
Chasta: Yes, wave it. Um- Oh, you want an actual flag or you wanna jump into your, you have one
Sara: right now No, no, I don't, I don't have an actual, I wish I did. But, um, jumping into like, so off of this transparency, especially with the schools, is like a lack of wanting to put anything in writing. Mm. And I think that this can go for like
Chasta: anything.
And I'm the opposite, I want everything in writing.
Sara: Well no, that's what I'm saying, that's what the red flag is. Oh. Is like not wanting to put anything in writing. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, so like if you're reaching out and there's like, you know, you have a concern and they will only call you to address it or will only discuss it, you know, that, that goes with the lack of transparency because you're eliminating all accountability.
Chasta: You give me that paper trail.
Sara: Yes. 100%.
Chasta: We need the
Sara: receipts.
Chasta: Yes. There, because, because that's pow- that's power and that's documentation- Mm ... and you can see how a story is built if you have it written down.
Sara: Yes. And I think that that's [00:14:00] also, I mean, that goes hand-in-hand with the transparency.
Chasta: So avoiding documentation.
Mm-hmm. Red flag.
Sara: Yep.
Chasta: That's a really good point that I hadn't thinking about, or that I hadn't thinking. You know- That I hadn't thought That I hadn't thought about creating red flag. Go back to vocabulary lessons. Come on, the bots are getting me. All right, so should we move on or do you have any hidden, like do you have an example of a hidden subscription cost?
I ran into one with dog toys a few years ago.
Sara: Oh my gosh. Yeah. The, uh, the boxes are the worst. Yes. Like the, the surprise mystery boxes.
Chasta: I just wanted a one-time 'cause I wanted these Home Alone stuffies for Elvis for the holidays. Naturally,
Sara: yep.
Chasta: And then this n- this other dog shows up And then you've unboxed it And I was like, "No, no."
Mm-hmm. Like this is not what I signed up for.
Sara: Yeah.
Chasta: And then canceling is, you know, jumping through hoops in itself.
Sara: Canceling is so hard.
Chasta: And then what drives me really mad is that you have to get angry to get them to- Before Yes ...
Sara: either that or customer service is robots- [00:15:00] Mm-hmm ... and then you're arguing with robots.
Chasta: Yeah, I'm not sure they were five years ago or so, but-
Sara: Were, with the Home Alone toys ...
Chasta: but now, like now they probably are With our email newsletter. Yeah. L- Listserv, as you heard the other day.
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: And I was trying to help them into sensibility, but I don't think we got there.
Sara: No.
Chasta: You're gonna love this one- Okay ... as a people pleaser, I think.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: Number five, texting or messaging or emailing, "Can we talk?" with no context. [00:16:00] Oh,
Sara: I despise this. Like
Chasta: did you just have a feeling about it- Yes. ... just even hearing
Sara: it out loud? Yes. This-
Chasta: Nobody wants that.
Sara: Nobody wants it.
Chasta: Give us some context please.
Sara: It, and it's not even my people pleasing, it's like the anxiety.
Chasta: Yeah.
Sara: Like talk about what? What do we need to talk about? Let's talk now, I'm reading it now, let's talk.
Chasta: Yeah, like just give me something.
Sara: Yes, something.
Chasta: This is about fill in the blank.
Sara: Right, or like it's nothing bad. Like just preface it. Don't just a, "Can we talk now?"
Chasta: Yeah. Can we talk now because you're fun and I just wanna hear your voice.
Sara: Right. Right. Right. I need someone to brighten my day, can we chat?
Chasta: Can we talk, because I'm actually not coming to work ever again? Right. Right. And maybe just hit me with that now- Exactly ... versus, like, delaying it for eight hours.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: We talked on another episode about how avoidance is just rescheduling conflict.
Sara: It truly-
Chasta: So I always, I get that kind of visceral feeling over that kind of communication too. I also prefer, let's, if we're going to the deep end, [00:17:00] let's just jump.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: We don't need a little floaty before we go there.
Sara: No. Like,
Chasta: just take me there.
Sara: Just jump in.
Chasta: I think a lot of people agree with that one.
Sara: I think so too.
Chasta: Yeah. It's just never fun to be like, "Can we talk?"
Sara: Right. Or, like, if you get a missed call and then it's a, "Call me back if you can," like- Yeah ... just give me, just give me context.
Chasta: Give me a triage. Give
Sara: me something.
Chasta: Yeah. Yeah. Please triage this. An honest, go, yeah, like, tell me a little bit, like, is this an emergency? Did someone pass away? If is everyone safe?
Sara: Right.
Chasta: You wanna go see a movie? Okay,
Sara: great. Is it a checkup? Is it a trip to the emergency room? Yes. What's happening?
Chasta: Yes. All right, here's another one. Okay. This one is more industry relevant for us- Okay
but I think we see it across industry too. That's, um, normalizing injuries.
Sara: Oh, yes. Or even- And- ... glorifying them
Chasta: Yeah. And maybe it's even new sports in general.
Sara: It could be.
Chasta: Dance and new sports. Mm-hmm. But just, "Oh, it's, it's part of the process."
Sara: Right.
Chasta: My question is always, is it? Right. Is it part of the process if you're safely executing whatever it is you're- Like, should this be happening
attempting to do? Should this be happening? I [00:18:00] think it goes from physical injury to concussions.
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: Right? What are some other, or, you know, mental and emotional wellness even. Yep. But this whole toughen up attitude, or it's part of the game, or it has to be this way.
Sara: Right. I think the question is, does it?
Or, like, when you're wearing, like, the knee brace, it's like a badge of honor almost. Yes, yes. Like, it, it's a very strange dynamic, but I also remember it from when I was in high school. Like, if you had an injury, like, what sport did you play to get this injury?
Chasta: Well, listen, I broke my middle finger- ... playing basketball in gym class.
I did not wear that brace like a badge of honor. First off, I wasn't using my most physical athletic prowess in the gym class. And this kid, his fr- Andrew Evans, I think was his name, slam- Shout out ... this bas- shout out, yes I'm sure he's not listening. Slammed the basketball on this middle finger, and of course it breaks, and- I'm annoyed, right?
Sara: Clearly.
Chasta: My aunt takes me to the doctor, and they put [00:19:00] this brace on it, and then they give me the worst news of all, and do you know what it is?
Sara: What was it?
Chasta: You cannot bathe or wash your finger for six weeks. And you know-
Sara: I've, yeah. That was distressing.
Chasta: You know I am the shower queen.
Sara: Yep, that's when the eyebrow twitch started happening.
Chasta: That is, yes, yeah. That probably was the day that I first eyebrow twitched. The first one. So six weeks, and then getting that brace off, like, what happens to the skin in that time period.
Sara: Oh, yeah.
Chasta: Have you ever experienced that?
Sara: I, so I haven't broken anything, actually, which-
Chasta: I mean, knock on wood.
Sara: Come on, now
knock on wood. Um, but when my youngest son broke his arm, that was, getting that cast off- Oh, yeah ... was a whole- '
Chasta: Cause they saw it off, right?
Sara: Yes, which is wild.
Chasta: Yeah. It's like, for all of the advancement we've made in society-
Sara: We're using
Chasta: like- I don't know why, like, the way- ...
Sara: a bird
Chasta: saw. Yes, why the birthing tools in the birth room and the way you take a cast off look like you're back in the Civil War.
Sara: Yeah,
Chasta: truly. It's like, is that the best we've got?
Sara: It's, [00:20:00] right. Or can we, like, not make it look prettier or- ... less scary?
Chasta: And they saw it off, and his skin was,
Sara: I mean, it was gnarly. It needed some help. Yeah, some moisturizer for sure.
Chasta: I also knocked out half of my front tooth my semester in the color guard.
Sara: Oh, no.
Chasta: I, I think you knew that.
Sara: I, I think, I didn't know how that happened.
Chasta: Yep, mm-hmm. Okay. I was tossing a flag up, the poles are weighted- And it hit you in the face ... and it came right down in, well, in the tooth. Oh. And I actually didn't realize that my tooth h- had fallen out-
Sara: Oh ...
Chasta: until I went to the bathroom and smiled because I had swallowed it.
Sara: You didn't know that you were swallowing half of your tooth?
Chasta: No. 'Cause I could just, I could taste the blood, and I just had to swallow. So that happens, and then I'm in the ba- I'm a sophomore in high school.
Sara: I only- You didn't feel it, like, with your tongue?
Chasta: I don't know. I-
Sara: Okay. All right.
Chasta: I must've blocked it out of my memory, but I'm in the bathroom, and I smile, and half my tooth is missing, and it's, like, jagged.
Sara: Nightmares.
Chasta: Night- yes. You have, like- Yeah ... a dental fear. I do. So this is [00:21:00] a red flag for you.
Sara: It, 100%.
Chasta: They couldn't fix it for 36 hours, so I also had to go to school the next day with a chiseled front tooth.
Sara: Absolutely not.
Chasta: You were talking about maybe having one tooth hole. Right. But that was my literal front tooth.
I, yes. And I lived 36 hours with that in the public.
Sara: Nope.
Chasta: But again, shout out, Bridge Dental, who's kept it looking great even when it's fallen out two other times in the last six years.
Sara: Good for you. And
Chasta: you didn't know.
Sara: Good for you.
Chasta: Yep. So- Injuries. I mean, my two injuries were normal, I would say.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: Just I was being clumsy.
Sara: People's teeth are getting knocked out with color guard.
Chasta: Yeah, well, I just didn't catch it. You know, if you don't catch the baseball, it's probably gonna hit you. It's true. But I do think, and we see this in our space a lot, of the hyper-flexibility, some of the contortion-
Sara: Mm-hmm
Chasta: some of the drilling, like over-splits. Um- Yep ... what is that, there's that one, it's actually called Body Breakers, I think.
Sara: The- [00:22:00]
Chasta: A training program ... the training
Sara: program.
Chasta: Mm-hmm ... that's called Body Breakers. Yep. The goal is not to break our bodies. No. The goal is to use our bodies as a tool in their most- Yes
healthy state possible.
Sara: Yes, and safely and efficiently.
Chasta: Yes.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: 100%. Okay, you ready for the next one?
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: Child influencers.
Sara: Oh, my goodness, child influencers. One- ... is it legal? Right. That's the question. Because there are age
Chasta: limits.
Sara: Yeah. Like,
Chasta: they're- That they've never been enforced.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: They're out there.
Sara: They are. And then also, like, the people who have the child influencers, but the parents are like, "Mom run account," that doesn't make it better.
Chasta: I know.
Sara: It-
Chasta: And is the child ever like, "I want to be an influencer"?
Sara: Like- Well, they just don't know any different, I think, because it's something... Like, and typically from my experience what I'm seeing is that it's the parents were influencers, they have kids, and then they give their kids, like, their own Instagram channel, like from birth, and then they grow up with this channel and so that's all they know.
Chasta: When Trash the Trophies came [00:23:00] out, we talked a lot about the pre-teen brand ambassadors. Mm-hmm. And that was a big thing.
Sara: Yep.
Chasta: And I think that is still kind of a thing. It's still a
Sara: thing.
Chasta: But I think the influencers are more, are more prevalent now. Yes. And then we're seeing these children with their product lines.
Sara: Right. Well, and then what's also happening is that you see these influencers, these kid influencers, children, and then, like, Netflix, HBO Max, are picking them up and giving them their own spinoff shows, and it's like that's rewarding- Yeah, it's enabling ... this behavior that may or may not be legal in the first place.
Chasta: And is it developmentally appropriate?
Sara: No.
Chasta: Because we're exploiting children to sell products. Right. Yeah. It's- Red flag ... red flag. Yeah.
Sara: Red flag.
Chasta: All right, the next one. This is one that I think you're gonna love because it's something that we talk about a lot, especially with assessments- Okay ... and metrics in the education space.
It's, and I think it can apply beyond that too, but success is visible, but understanding is invisible. So maybe you have a metric of comprehension, but maybe you don't actually have [00:24:00] proficiency-
Sara: Okay ...
Chasta: in the metric. Interesting. Do you see what I'm saying?
Sara: I do.
Chasta: Like, maybe the number is there, but the knowledge is very shallow.
Sara: Right. So it's, it's kind of like when you're in a situation where you meet the benchmark, like you're giving what you're supposed to give on paper, but you're not knowing how to apply it.
Chasta: Correct.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: Or maybe you're getting asked really thoughtful, critical questions, but you can't elaborate- Right
because you've been taught to the test. I don't think it's just in education because I think- No ... it's spiraled beyond education. But there are so many ways in life that we go through checking the boxes- Mm-hmm ... of the expectations, but maybe we don't have the depth of knowledge that we should.
Sara: Yep. Yeah, and I think this also goes into, like, awards and trophies, and I know we've been talking a lot about this too, but like- And
Chasta: we probably will forever at this point because it doesn't seem like they're
Sara: going away
it's not stopping, but like- Because nobody's listening No one's listening. Everyone should listen. Everybody listen to Chasta. Um, but it's just like the, you know, [00:25:00] meeting a benchmark or meeting a metric to get an award to say that you've accomplished this or that you've reached this goal, but what does that mean?
Chasta: Yeah, what does it mean?
Sara: Like, how, how are you applying that? How is that actually making people better? How is that making you better?
Chasta: I think, and I think maybe we've touched on this before too, but the resume stacking, the college applications- Yep ... are a great example of this, of there's so much, like, surface expectation- Mm-hmm
that you really only get the depth from the true upper percentile, I would say.
Sara: Yeah.
Chasta: And I think we should all in, in our life, whatever we do, we should be searching for that depth-
Sara: Mm-hmm ...
Chasta: versus the surface check marks.
Sara: Yes. And I actually, it was yesterday, I actually saw this on a mom's group on Facebook, but someone was looking for a, um, someone to review her daughter's college resume, just, like, surface level to see if she had enough activities and things listed on it.
And was she like eight years old or a little bit older? I think she was a junior.
Chasta: So- But still.
Sara: But, but still, like, that's just a very, like you're paying [00:26:00] someone to- Yeah ... just see what it looks like literally on paper without knowing your child
Chasta: to figure out- And again, we just want- You know? ... parents to have confidence.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: Don't, don't feel undermined. I'm a big believer in that. I think if we flipped that phrase to depth of knowledge is visible, but success is invisible is really powerful.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: Right? I
Sara: like it. Yeah.
Chasta: Because some of the smartest people aren't walking around- touting their accolades.
Sara: Pins and ribbons and trophies hanging off.
Chasta: Yeah, their medals.
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: Like, I don't think the Pulitzer Prize winners, like, walk around- Wearing ... with their medals on.
Sara: I, I wouldn't know. Maybe. Maybe they do. I have no idea.
Chasta: But those are, they're invisible.
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: But clearly there's been a work created, right? Yeah. Like, Hamilton won the Pulitzer.
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: And Lin-Manuel I don't think is, you know, carrying it around.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: But maybe he is, I don't know. But I just think it's something to think about. Like, a lot of the- Yeah ... [00:27:00] smartest people, a lot of the truly game changers are not... The awards happen, they're not sought.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: All right, you ready for the next one?
I'm- This is a big piece of conversation right now. AI generated flyers, marketing, and/or wrapped vans.
Sara: Okay. Yep, major red flag.
Chasta: And it's, it is out there.
Sara: It, it is out
Chasta: there. You can spot it from a mile away.
Sara: And as we learned, like, videos. Oh, yeah. Like, turning the picture into a video.
Chasta: It's so scary.
Sara: It is very scary, but it's also really noticeable, like- So noticeable
right now, at this point.
Chasta: Mm-hmm. It's, it's so noticeable that when people use it, I, it just, I'm like, "Why did you not think about, like, red flags?"
Sara: Right.
Chasta: We've seen it a lot with, um- Or,
Sara: like, "Do you think this is cool?" ...
Chasta: recital graphic design this season.
Sara: Recital graphic design is huge. Um, I would say, like, I've seen it a lot for, like, fall/spring registration promos.
Um, I've noticed schools are starting to use it more [00:28:00] too- Oh my goodness, yes ... within, like, their, their flyers and their, like- Newsletters ... standards and newsletters. Um, and you can tell a difference between, like, AI and, like, something that's Canva generated.
Chasta: Oh, absolutely.
Sara: And it's, yeah, it's alarming.
Chasta: And if you look at the details, there's always a flaw.
Sara: Yeah. Like, seven fingers. That- Yes. Um, the, um, where my oldest does dive at NC State, there's this huge, like, wolf mural that's on the wall, and he actually told his coaches, he was like, "That wolf in the back has three eyes." And they were like, "Oh my gosh," like, "This is AI generated."
Chasta: Violent. But it's, like, it's crazy.
I know, and it just takes... I mean, a child can spot something is a little off.
Sara: Yeah,
Chasta: before the
Sara: adults did.
Chasta: The next one is a good one too, I think. And then I wanna hear if you have... We'll actually have a couple more, and then maybe you have- Okay ... like, one to really-
Sara: I don't- ...
Chasta: send it home.
Sara: That's a really big expectation
Chasta: for you.
Okay.
Sara: But
Chasta: we'll see. Well, just- Maybe it'll come to me ... just think. This one is [00:29:00] the evolution of self-awareness- Mm-hmm ... to self-care, to self-focused, to selfish.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: So it's kinda how we talk about the ego-
Sara: Uh-huh ...
Chasta: and being micro-focused on smaller, a smaller piece of the puzzle versus macro-focused on a bigger piece of the puzzle.
Mm-hmm. And I think it, it teeters, and I know you talk a lot about this being a huge platform on social media-
Sara: Yes ...
Chasta: of this, this self-empowerment, self-aff- you know, and, and it is a thin line, right? Mm-hmm. Of empowerment versus victim mindset. I don't know quite how, but I do think it can be a red flag.
Sara: I think so too, and I think, like, from a mental health perspective, this bothers me so much because, like, I do, yes, like, self-care is so important.
Like, take care of yourself. Please take care of your mental health. But when your, like, self-described self-care brings down others, that's where it sort of crosses that line.
Chasta: Mm.
Sara: And, like, where it, if that is something that is impacting [00:30:00] others and making others feel small because you are so confident, in quotes, about who you are, um, that's when it becomes really toxic and unhealthy.
Chasta: Yeah, and I think that's just something people have to be mindful of.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: It's, when we talk about media diet, what are you consuming? Mm-hmm. How is that information being absorbed in your body and then coming back out in your language, in the way you interact with others?
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: I think there's not enough education on media diets and how they influence- Yeah
our behavior in society, and I think it's just, there are some red flags- Mm-hmm ... that we should all be aware of.
Sara: Yes.
Chasta: All right, here's, here's my final one.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: A red flag is getting uninvited from spaces or places maybe. Okay. I mean, that's more about myself personally. Um, 'cause sometimes I'll say something that's truthful- Right
and pretty kind, and then I'll get uninvited.
Sara: Yep.
Chasta: And it's like, "Oh, well what did I, what did I say?" I mean, sometimes I know.
Sara: Right.
Chasta: Most of the-
Sara: Sometimes you know it's coming ...
Chasta: most of the time I know.
Sara: Yeah.
Chasta: [00:31:00] But I think that's a red flag.
Sara: I- yeah, absolutely.
Chasta: Because when truth is taken out of the equation-
Sara: Mm-hmm
Chasta: and we don't wanna have multi-perspective conversations-
Sara: Yep ...
Chasta: then what do we have?
Sara: Right.
Chasta: We have-
Sara: Groups of everyone that are the same.
Chasta: Yes, very- And- ... homogenized echo chambers ...
Sara: and you know, this happened, um, when my oldest son was uninvited from his school.
Chasta: Yep.
Sara: Yep, and you know, we were not given an invitation back because he was different from his peers, and, you know, at that, at that point, and I like to call it, like, um, selective inclusivity.
Okay, yeah. Right? So you- Yeah ... you're marketing yourself as being inclusive, but you're being inclusive selectively, and I think that that is sort of what these- Groups ... groups are creating.
Chasta: Yeah.
Sara: Are these clusters of selective inclusivity.
Chasta: I think it's more rampant than maybe people know.
Sara: I th- I think so, too.
Chasta: Because the people that are getting uninvited, for the most part, [00:32:00] aren't showing it like a badge of honor.
Sara: No. No, and I-
Chasta: But if you've been uninvited, let us know. Yeah,
Sara: please let us know.
Chasta: That's a, I think that might be a good one to end on.
Sara: Okay.
Chasta: Selective inclusivity.
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Chasta: Yikes. All right. Today has been all about red flags.
Red
Sara: flags.
Chasta: We will keep considering other red flags that we run into in the world, and would love to hear red flags that you see in your world as well. If you listened this far, thank you for being a part of our conversation. This is Nobody Listens to Chasta, and we'll see you next time. Don't forget to subscribe and share.
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