Mystery Maniacs

🎙️ Episode:  https://share.transistor.fm/s/1ccdbfcd
📓 Show Notes: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/247

Mystery Maniacs Episode! In Podcast 247, we wonder what powers a record player, why 20 years and what is Chalmers eating and drinking! 

Thanks again for listening!
 
Mark & Sarah

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Upcoming Schedule
September 1 -  The Brokenwood Mysteries S08E05 - "Good as Gold"
September 3 - September Newsletter
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Creators and Guests

Host
Mark Bell
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs
Host
Sarah Smith-Robbins
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs

What is Mystery Maniacs?

Mystery Maniacs Podcast is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to British Mystery Television. Formerly, Midsomer Maniacs podcast.

Sarah:

The parade chase we demonstrated.

Mark:

Hey, maniacs.

Sarah:

Hey, maniacs. Welcome to mystery maniacs, a comedy recap podcast focused on mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode and talk about the murder, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love. And this week, we are talking about Broken Woods season eight episode five, good as gold. I'm Sarah.

Mark:

And I'm Mark. And you can let your kids listen to the podcast if you let them go to the Creek Stream River and pan for gold. Unsuccessfully for years. Yes.

Sarah:

Or have a feud. Decades. A family feud. Decades. These people don't know where gold comes from.

Sarah:

No. They don't. Before we dive into that, something that we've been waiting for for a long time was finally released this week, the Thursday Murder Club movie.

Mark:

Yes. On Netflix, the Thursday Murder Club movie. Murr Murr

Sarah:

Murrvi? Murrvi? Is that a murder movie?

Mark:

It's a murder movie.

Sarah:

Based on Richard Osmond's book of the same name, which I really liked. I've liked all of them in the series.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

It's got Pierce Brosnan, Helen Mirren.

Mark:

Who else? Ben Kingsley.

Sarah:

Ben Kingsley and the lady who was in a Midsummer and a Christie who said, you do it in the streets.

Mark:

What is her name? Cecilia Ermes.

Sarah:

Thank you. To me, she will forever be that woman who said the nasty things over the phone.

Mark:

Yes. Midsummer familiar, people would find that Tom Ellis, Celia, Paul Freeman, otherwise known as Bellocque Mhmm. Ruth Sheen, and Katie Brand are in this movie as well as Midsommar's. Now Katie Brand is interesting.

Sarah:

We've talked about Katie Brand before. She's not Joe Brand's daughter.

Mark:

No. And she's not in the movie. She wrote the movie.

Sarah:

She did the screenplay for

Mark:

it. She did in the She

Sarah:

and Richard Osmond are buddies, I think. Okay. Richard Osmond, he is what? Seven feet tall?

Mark:

Yes. Her and a woman named Suzanne Heathcote wrote it.

Sarah:

I think it was perfectly cast. Yes. We're not gonna give anything away. We spoil we're gonna spoil Brokenwood, but we are not gonna spoil Thursday Murder Club. But just a little review just to tell you whether you should watch it or not, which, know, don't listen to us.

Sarah:

You should watch it if you want to, of course. As a version of the book, as a translation of the book for film, I give it seven out 10.

Mark:

It's rushed.

Sarah:

But as just a British movie with murders, nine out of 10.

Mark:

If we had seen that movie without knowing about the book Mhmm. It would be all glowing. It's unfortunate that we read the book because I feel it would have been better as a series.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

Now, I also think

Sarah:

But that's a common thing when

Mark:

That Damon Helen Mirren doesn't do television series. Yeah. She does movies. And so that's why we have a movie and not a series.

Sarah:

But that's what makes it a good book because there's a lot of plot. And they just couldn't fit it all into two hours.

Mark:

Another

Sarah:

But they did fit in all the things about the characters that you really like if you've read the book, the setting. Like, those things are there. That's really important. Without those, it would have been awful.

Mark:

There was a review about it where this individual said that the movie was as disappointing as a stale scone because it didn't understand aging. I'm like, this is the freshest take on aging I've seen in a while.

Sarah:

I'm old, but I'm not that old. So I don't know if it understands aging or not. Yeah. I liked the view of aging that it presents. I like the way the book presents it.

Sarah:

It's realistic without, you

Mark:

know When I started reading the book, I said to Sarah, Richard Osmond knows these people because they're real, feel very real people. Yeah. They're not I'm a scratchy old person.

Sarah:

I will say Pierce Brosnan is gold. He's just fantastic. I mean, Helen Mirren's great, but that's what you expect from her. Yeah. I was surprised by Pierce Brosnan, and he was great.

Mark:

There's a there's a scene, and this is not giving anything away, where one of the characters comes to get Pierce Brosnan who is in the pool doing his daily exercises.

Sarah:

Doing water aerobics. Water aerobics.

Mark:

With a with a number of old ladies. And this, there you have never seen happier old ladies to be in the pool with Pierce Brosnan. Because you you never hear anything about that guy other than he's the greatest, nicest person ever.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

And I'm sure he was like the utmost gentleman in the pool. Yeah.

Sarah:

And was like But very different from the last role we saw him in, which was that Tom Hardy show. Yes. What was that called? Mobland?

Mark:

Mobland.

Sarah:

Where he is cutthroat. Yeah. And and Helen Mirren.

Mark:

Helen Mirren is in that hell.

Sarah:

She's very different than that too.

Mark:

Why didn't they make it a series? She did

Sarah:

TV. She did a

Mark:

series recently.

Sarah:

That puts lie to what you said. Anyway

Mark:

I was wrong.

Sarah:

They made a movie because they made a movie.

Mark:

It should have been a series.

Sarah:

But it's good. Yeah. It's well worth watching if you like British murder. And if you don't like British murder, why are you here? Yeah.

Sarah:

Why you listening to this? Is it an accident or something? Tracy Gray, otherwise known as Trudy from Brokenwood, posted some photos online So of filming the next season of Brokenwood.

Mark:

So I messaged her and said, hey, it was great to see that they're filming another season. She also posted a great video of the scene from season eleven where Frodo's dancing on the table at the trivia episode Mhmm. And how they have one guy lying on the floor Stabilizing the table. And that there's this huge pile of foam that Frodo can Frodo can fall into. It's it is excellent.

Mark:

But she also has new stuff and I'm I mentioned that to her because, know, Tracy and I.

Sarah:

They're your best friends now. And

Mark:

she said, oh, I've been saving some pictures for you to send. I was like, okay. So she sent us three pictures. She sent us a close-up of the missing poster for the Kingswood. So in season eleven, and this is not a spoiler.

Sarah:

When Mike's car gets stolen, they put posters up.

Mark:

Yes. It's like a missing poster. Yeah. And we have a close-up of that more than you ever see in the show.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

And then she sent a couple of pictures from the bar. So, the bar, like any bar as we've mentioned before in Midsummer or any other show we've covered, they cannot show any actual liquor labels. Right. They can't show real beer taps, they can't show anything.

Sarah:

No real brands.

Mark:

No real brands. Mostly because like they don't have a deal with those brands. Right. Right? So every single bottle that you see in behind the bar has

Sarah:

a different Cheetah.

Mark:

Has a different label on it. Yeah. And she sent us a close-up of two of them that she said we wouldn't show up.

Sarah:

Because she knows we're nerds for for signs

Mark:

and So posters and the first one

Sarah:

And we're gonna post these pictures.

Mark:

Yeah. We'll post these pictures. Is Voot and Fein, which is the finest name in Irish whiskey and it has a stock picture of like a drawing of a bull's head and fine old Irish whiskey distilled, blended and bottled.

Sarah:

It sounds very Irish.

Mark:

Yeah. Voot and fang. And, I think this is probably a theme. All of them are somewhat either cat or reptile or amphibian related. Really?

Mark:

For

Sarah:

the frog and cheetah?

Mark:

No. Yes, because the next one is reptile reserve rum from the private distillery established in 1738. It has a big old snake on it.

Sarah:

Somebody spends a lot of time making those things, printing them out, peeling them off, sticking them on. I think That's a lot of work.

Mark:

I think they do fantastic work.

Sarah:

And we appreciate their work.

Mark:

We do indeed. Season 12 of Midsummer is filming, season 12 of Brokenwood is filming right now, so we should probably get those maybe March, April Yeah. Sometime.

Sarah:

That's what I would guess. But who knows? Are you ready to talk about Broken Wood, Good as Gold?

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Alright.

Mark:

Originally aired the 07/25/2022, directed by Carolyn Bell, no relation Booth, and Sarah Kate Lynch. I have to think that the subtle subtext of misunderstanding of the intricacies of women is goofing in this episode. Considering it was written by a woman

Sarah:

And directed by a woman.

Mark:

Directed by a woman. There's a code?

Sarah:

We are going to spoil it. So if you haven't watched this episode, stop right now. We're gonna ruin it for you. It can be summarized pretty easily. It's, the Hatfields and McCoys meets Romeo and Juliet and one amazingly horrible mother.

Mark:

Plus the promotion of Canadian musicians. Wow. Yeah. Brokenwood's good

Sarah:

with the music.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

But that's it. Yeah. That is really it. Forbidden love between two feuding families and a mother who clearly cannot control herself. You shoved me, I'm going to kill you.

Sarah:

The end.

Mark:

Like I've been shoved in my life. Did you shoot somebody for didn't immediately look for and pick up a 22.

Sarah:

Like Well and She's out of control.

Mark:

So the mother is the killer. She's doing this Polly. To get a gold nugget so to feed her daughter's gambling habit basically. And yet, her friend, and we'll talk about this when we get to it, her friend has a much better response to her gambling addiction than her mother does.

Sarah:

Yeah. But she gets killed. So so it's two farms. Right? And Jane, the woman who gets killed, she's a Ferguson, and the other family are the Hollins.

Sarah:

Yes. And the Ferguson farm is beautiful. The house is beautiful. Yep. But did you take a look at the porch?

Sarah:

It's very strange.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

Right next to the front door are a couple of pitchforks and a topiary that's clearly hiding something. Yep. I don't know what it's covering up, but it is the most misshapen, weird topiary I have ever seen.

Mark:

I know exactly what it's covering up. What? The dad. Because the dad shows up Jock? Jock shows up Once.

Mark:

Mumbles something,

Sarah:

kinda? Gets taken back to the house and never seen again.

Mark:

Never seen again.

Sarah:

So you you think that's Jock standing on the porch covered in ivy looking like a topiary? Ugh. It's it's just weird. And, of course, Todd Taylor, is recurring like a bad penny, works at the Ferguson farm.

Mark:

Okay. Again, though Todd looks a bit like a lazy person in this episode, He's getting paid to fish.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

He has a million jobs.

Sarah:

Yeah. But he doesn't do any of them with his whole ass.

Mark:

He's all half assed. He's all 100% half assed. He says that the other sisters' gorse pockets, which is like Scrooge.

Sarah:

Prickly pockets. Yeah. Like it hurts to put your hand in Yeah. Like we used to say that my dad's wallet creaked when you opened it and bats flew out because he was so tight with cats.

Mark:

Lucky. You saw the walnuts. Rarely.

Sarah:

I got a new view of Chalmers, and I'm not crazy about it. Why? Okay. First of all, he's got on his typical short sleeve button up shirt. Yes.

Sarah:

But did you notice what's different about it?

Mark:

It has bands on the sleeves.

Sarah:

And polka dots all over it.

Mark:

Oh, I did not know that.

Sarah:

The body of the shirt's white with blue polka dots, and the little sleeve cuffs are blue with white polka dots. But then he says he likes avocado toast.

Mark:

He does say he likes avocado toast.

Sarah:

Come on.

Mark:

And first of all, that nugget's bigger than an avocado.

Sarah:

It's like a small football.

Mark:

The small football. Or rugby ball. Second of all, I don't like that he likes avocado toast.

Sarah:

I don't know about where you're from, listener, but where we're from, avocado toast people are a certain kind of snob hippie kind of.

Mark:

Kinda.

Sarah:

Or kind

Mark:

of a rude Some people might just like avocado.

Sarah:

I think it's one thing if you make it yourself, it's different if you purchase it somewhere.

Mark:

I have no doubt that he absolutely makes it himself. If he

Sarah:

makes it himself, I'm less judgy about it.

Mark:

The thing that I am upset about this episode happens right near the beginning. And what I am upset is, is we don't have a five minute montage of it because I would have enjoyed it much more. And that is the quad bikes.

Sarah:

Sims and Chalmers get on the quad bikes.

Mark:

When Sims and Chalmers riding the quad bikes through the hills of New Zealand.

Sarah:

Racing, jumping, running each other off the road.

Mark:

Is that what you've everybody else is there, and Mike gets there, and there are no quad bikes involved. No. But the two of them are off on their quad bikes.

Sarah:

Well, it's far enough away that Jane rides a horse there.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Her poor horse is tied to a tree and she's dead.

Mark:

Todd Taylor says he's in the great outdoors. That's a phrase that is wrought with controversy.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah?

Mark:

You'd think it wasn't, but it's a it's a manufactured term of the thirties of marketing people that is to instill in white people the notion that out of doors is theirs to explore.

Sarah:

Oh. Not just, hey, you should get outside, but outside is yours, go take it. Great Yeah.

Mark:

And so that's problematic to, oh I don't know, the people who were there before.

Sarah:

Maybe. They might be a little bitter about that.

Mark:

You can't tell the difference between a Romney Marsh and a Hampshire down. Two sheep named for places in England.

Sarah:

Well, that's where they came from.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Which is clearly indicative of how dumb Todd is because one of them is a black faced sheep and one of them is a white faced sheep. Yes. Like I could tell. I might not know what they are, but I could tell the difference between those two sheep. Yes.

Sarah:

Though I mean I had to look them up. I'm not that intimate with sheep.

Mark:

No. No. No. We had to look them up.

Sarah:

But I'm not working on a farm in New Zealand.

Mark:

Well, this farm is interesting because we have to ride quad bikes to this location and yet there's electricity for a record. How is that possible? That's the longest extension cord ever. Don't run over it with your quad bike. Hydro.

Mark:

Hydro powered.

Sarah:

She's got a little water wheel down the freak.

Mark:

So Sarah and I right before the episode made a mistake of trying to look up the difference between stream, creek and river. Again fraught with controversy. A creek is smaller than a

Sarah:

stream but it's a kind of stream.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And a stream is a small river. To me What?

Mark:

This is a creek that is sometimes a river.

Sarah:

I wouldn't even say that. Yeah. It's a creek. Yeah. You could jump over it most places and you could definitely walk across it.

Mark:

Mike's like, how could you get across it? And Sims is like, six kilometers that way. I'm like Walk? Hike up your Take your shoes

Sarah:

off and walk across. Yeah. Yeah. It's if you had boots on, they your feet wouldn't even get wet. Yeah.

Sarah:

I don't know a lot about gold panning. Yes. And maybe my view of it is Western United States biased.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

But my understanding of the reason you pan for gold, rather than mining, that's different, but panning for gold is that gold is lighter than the rocks, the bottom of whatever body of moving water you're in. And by scooping up the sediment at the bottom of the water and shaking it, you see tiny bits of gold flex, and you get them out. But the water has to be moving for those to be distributed like that. They're coming from somewhere higher up. Yes.

Sarah:

This water is not moving.

Mark:

It's not moving.

Sarah:

It is the most stagnant creek I've ever seen, and Jane has been down there forever, every day, panning the same spot. She's got to be panning the same gravel over and over again.

Mark:

And okay, the idea is this, that there was a nugget that was lost, and that there

Sarah:

That nugget never came from that water, I'm sorry. That is a you mind it nugget, don't you think?

Mark:

Yeah. Oh, definitely.

Sarah:

Well, okay. It's something painted gold is what it is. Yes. But

Mark:

But like, if that showed up in your tray, you would notice it right away.

Sarah:

No. You'd have to shake it a little bit. Get the get the sand off of it. What's that there you got?

Mark:

A nugget. It it

Sarah:

The size of my head.

Mark:

It it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Sarah:

The feud thing just doesn't make sense. Though, you know, people with mining claims, going back in history, have often gotten quite the fights about them.

Mark:

Yes. What the

Sarah:

Isn't there a Murdoch about that?

Mark:

Yes. There there is a Murdoch about that. And the thing that I like that the feud brings is the fine acting by Roy Billing. Roy Billing plays the dad. The Holland dad in the The Holland dad.

Mark:

Dan. And he's been in a bunch of Australian and New things. I think he's originally from Tasmania.

Sarah:

He's a great actor. Looks kind of like a toad in the chair though.

Mark:

Kinda looks like a toad, but that's the kind of thing he plays. He was in a show called underground underbelly. Sorry. Which is a great Australian

Sarah:

There's lots crime of different underbellies,

Mark:

aren't There's different time periods.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

But he played Aussie Bob Aussie Bob Trimble in one, and he was really good.

Sarah:

They just it's I You can keep that, because it kind of captures what I'm feeling. I'm gonna say this wrong, but there's like a stereotype of people who live on farms, no matter where they are in the world, that they're a bit trigger happy, a little too gun friendly. And

Mark:

that, you know

Sarah:

And and Dan whipping his rifle out to to threaten Annie with the cops standing literally in front of him.

Mark:

Yeah. Like, he's going to the pokey.

Sarah:

What is wrong with you?

Mark:

Like my dad was a farmer through and through fifth generation farmer absolute.

Sarah:

Did he have a rifle?

Mark:

No. My brother had two guns that he kept in the house as kind of recreation things and we had a lot of property. So, what would happen is every year for deer season, every once every couple years there would be some guys who we knew were hunters would come to the house and ask my dad if they could hunt on our property because we had a whole bunch of property that had a whole bunch of animals on it. And, sometimes he'd let them and sometimes he'd say, oh I'm doing something in the back so I'd prefer you not do it this year or something like that. But he I've never saw my father with a gun.

Sarah:

These people take guns just to go down to pan for gold. No. Take your gun with you.

Mark:

These other people are gonna shoot you? Apparently. Okay. You need to get legal representation involved. These And we know that there is legal representation in Broken.

Sarah:

Wait a minute, though. There's a bigger hole than that. These other people, the Hollins, is Bill because Dan is in a wheelchair. He is not riding a horse down to the river to shoot you.

Mark:

No. And Bill's stooping your daughter.

Sarah:

It's just Bill. So though Annie thinks Jane should be armed all the time, I don't know why, Jane knows better because the only person who might shoot at her is Bill, and she's stripping Bill.

Mark:

Yes. So it's

Sarah:

not a threat.

Mark:

Annie is there to be frustrated and angry. That's all

Sarah:

she sibling doing all the work herself.

Mark:

If if I found out that my sister had been stooping somebody that she said she hated for twenty years, I would be incredibly upset, but not because I can't believe you're stooping him. I would be like, why didn't you just tell me? Like, why why do you have to keep that secret?

Sarah:

No. No. Worse than that. Wait a minute. You mean this feud could have been over twenty years ago?

Mark:

What the hell were you doing panning gold?

Sarah:

Why could if we'd known this, we could

Mark:

have You didn't really go to that horse farm on the South Island. You were preggers.

Sarah:

You weren't at the gynecologist. You were doing mini trampoline jumping. What? Oh, you were at the love shack.

Mark:

Okay. Where

Sarah:

there's another How record does

Mark:

the power get to the love shack?

Sarah:

I'm telling you, the horse is out there walking on a treadmill. Oh, okay. Or maybe they hook it up to the battery of the the quad bike.

Mark:

The the problem with driving quad bikes around here is you're gonna run over all the extension cords.

Sarah:

It's a battery operated record player. I'm sure they exist. They're probably made by Fisher Price, but they probably exist. There's no way Jane hauled all that stuff that she's got down there on her horse that day. Like, that's her little camp down

Mark:

there. She has a little camp and everything.

Sarah:

Like there's milk jugs down there, like those big metal milk

Mark:

jugs. And there's like her little tent thing.

Sarah:

It's just decoration.

Mark:

Yeah, she is like a she shack down there.

Sarah:

She does. Never mind the love shack, she's got her she shack. And later Missy has like surprise picnic, ta da, underneath camo blankets. But she's got a vehicle anyway.

Mark:

I guess.

Sarah:

That poor horse is carrying everything. We're so off the range here. Frodo's line dancing.

Mark:

Okay. Okay. Things we have to talk about. Okay. Before we get to the gynecologist, because that's a whole scene and a half.

Mark:

Before we have to talk about drenching. About what? Drenching. What's that?

Sarah:

So Is that a gynecologist thing? No. So because I've never heard of that.

Mark:

Sarah comes into the music room to find out what I'm doing. And on my screen, there's a picture of a guy forcibly inserting something into a sheep's mouth. To be clear, the way you had the picture scrolled up on your monitor

Sarah:

Yep. I couldn't see the guy.

Mark:

Could

Sarah:

Oh. Could just see the sheep's head and something being shoved down its throat. And I did not know what you were looking at.

Mark:

And the headline wasn't there. No. The headline is can the new can New Zealand sheep farmers survive drench resistance? So the drenching is this anti warming thing you have to do with sheep. Okay.

Mark:

Okay. By the way, I know I've talked about this before, but not enough people know about this. The care of animals Is gross. And their medical care is gross.

Sarah:

Go watch

Mark:

All Creatures Great and Yeah. Okay? And this is not

Sarah:

So they

Mark:

This is not factory farming?

Sarah:

No, no, no.

Mark:

This is normal care of animals. They have to

Sarah:

give the sheep some kind of medication to prevent them from getting worms. Because they're outside all day. Right. And they're becoming resistant to it. Yes.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

So this is what Annie is saying Jane isn't doing enough. I think Jane should be like, oh, you gotta go down and pan gold. If

Sarah:

the other option is force feeding sheep medicine Yeah. I think I'd rather be panning for gold.

Mark:

Yeah. I I think so too. So the gynecologist's office, when Mike walks out of the gynecologist's office because what's her name?

Sarah:

Casey.

Mark:

Casey uses it as

Sarah:

Her alibi.

Mark:

Her alibi because she doesn't think Mike will check.

Sarah:

Right.

Mark:

Which is Immature. Immature. So Mike just goes over to the gynecologist

Sarah:

To see if she had an appointment, which they probably wouldn't tell him anyway.

Mark:

But anyway But as he's leaving Runs into Trudy.

Sarah:

Trudy's like, are you lost?

Mark:

Trudy comes in, and the look on her face is like,

Sarah:

Remember, this is an audio medium. People can't see the face you're making.

Mark:

And then powerful face. And then she brings up the narc.

Sarah:

Well, I'm no narc at the gyno, but

Mark:

Oh, can I name the episode no narc at the gyno?

Sarah:

No. You cannot name it that. You have to call it drenching the love shack. Drench resistant love shack. So Gina knows that Mike has a girlfriend now.

Sarah:

Yes. Right? She's met Beth at the auction of women who were dumped by Russian brides. Russian brides who were dumped. So now she's like, I have to give Mike space.

Sarah:

I don't want to be the other woman. So now all of a sudden she is okay with Sims.

Mark:

And it's like Sims' best friend. Yes. It's like they're gonna move Foreshadowing.

Sarah:

Yes. Gina ends up living at Sims' house. It's crazy. Anyway

Mark:

And the only better part of that is the resolution to that involves an odes.

Sarah:

Yes. Gina says that she can give Sims the time of death because of a secret having to do with fingernails, a rubber band, and the arc of the sun. In reality, it's rigor mortis.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Right? And that's what she says. But what what is the joke with the fingernails and the rubber band and the arc of the sun? What is that joke that she's making? I don't get it.

Mark:

The only thing I could think of, it was like it's a a Boy Scout thing that if you're lost, you use the arc of the sun and a twig to find the shadow to find out which direction you're going.

Sarah:

And your fingernails?

Mark:

Something, I don't.

Sarah:

Fingernails grow after you die? That's not true by the way. She may as well have just said, you know it's a woman thing or something. I don't know. I can tell.

Sarah:

It's rigor mortis, it's the bottom line.

Mark:

So Casey, the idea is this.

Sarah:

McAlpine, because Alpine's not a good enough last name. Let's put Mick on it. McAlpine. Is Which just makes me think of Kalpai.

Mark:

She was left at the altar.

Sarah:

Yes, by Sean.

Mark:

By Sean.

Sarah:

The scum sucking clam.

Mark:

And how do you know this about him? Because I stalk him on Facebook like a normal person.

Sarah:

I like that line. I cannot believe Casey's mom, Polly, keeps her wedding dress on a mannequin in the house.

Mark:

In the house.

Sarah:

That is cruel.

Mark:

To Casey, he wasn't into you anyway. He was yarning on me and it was just your mom. Like, it's a very short sentence. But like this Sean guy was not even

Sarah:

No. Into this.

Mark:

No. So I don't I then don't blame clam sucking Sean.

Sarah:

For getting out of there? Yeah. Especially now that he dances at a men's review.

Mark:

No. That's the other boyfriend. Oh. That's twerk. Twerk.

Mark:

Hiny twerk. What's his first name? Hiny McTwerk. No. His name's not Hiny McTwerk.

Sarah:

His name is Wyatt.

Mark:

Wyatt. So this is supposedly Jane's boyfriend.

Sarah:

He's the male review version of Wyatt Earp.

Mark:

The determinism of

Sarah:

Twork. Yes. Polly is really well written. She rubs you the wrong way from the moment she speaks to Mike at Frodo's coffee cart.

Mark:

Oh my gosh.

Sarah:

Like, she opens her mouth and you dislike her. And And yet she's smiling and nice and pretty and cordial and yet just despicable.

Mark:

She's just terrific and Frodo is the exact opposite. Yes. He's delusional but helpful.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

And I I feel bad for Frodes because I think Frodez knows, right, that Jane's not his girlfriend.

Sarah:

That they were never a thing, that they went to a dance together in high school and that was it.

Mark:

But I think Frodez is swayed by the notions of what he's supposed to be.

Sarah:

I think he thinks it's impressive to other people to claim that somebody like Jane went out on a date with him. Yes. It makes him feel better about himself. Yes. So when confronted with, so are you father of her baby?

Sarah:

No. No. No. No. No.

Sarah:

No.

Mark:

No.

Sarah:

He always tells the truth.

Mark:

Yes. And I think I wish for happiness for Frodes.

Sarah:

Yep. I do. Well, his not girlfriend, bingo

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

Has moved to the big city now.

Mark:

So Yes. So maybe What did you think of the feed and

Sarah:

grain store where Casey works?

Mark:

It was unlike any feed and grain store I'd ever been in.

Sarah:

How so?

Mark:

It didn't have the smell of the feed and grain store, which

Sarah:

But you can't smell on TV.

Mark:

If you've been in any actual feed and grain store, you smell it. It is also not populated by old white men because that's the feed store.

Sarah:

They were inside. Yes. What did you think about the special sign out front?

Mark:

What did the special sign? Oh, there was

Sarah:

It's a banner that's supposed to look like a chalkboard that's got a list of things that are on sale that are a mix of vegetables and animal food.

Mark:

Yes. That's right.

Sarah:

It's like brown onions, chicken pellets Yeah. All on sale. Free free range mule feed. I don't know. It's somebody like googled like water feed and grain store specials.

Sarah:

Okay. Just use those.

Mark:

Now I know that you've talked about Chalmers shirt.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

And I know you've talked about Chalmers diet. And we've talked about Chalmers on the quad bike. Mhmm. But we really need to talk about the drink that will forever now be known as the Chalmers.

Sarah:

Yes. A Fanta in Malibu.

Mark:

Xander created that drink.

Sarah:

One of our children?

Mark:

One of our children. That is a drink he would drink.

Sarah:

I actually think it sounds good. You do? Yeah. I would totally

Mark:

drink Is it coconut rum? Yeah. Like that. Orange and coconut? Of course, me.

Mark:

Anything in coconut is bleh.

Sarah:

Yeah. But you like a fruity girly drink.

Mark:

I do like a

Sarah:

fruity I don't girly like coconut, but if it was if it wasn't coconut Malibu.

Mark:

There's a code? I

Sarah:

like that Chalmers starts to pick up on Gina and Sims' new relationship Yes. And says they're like Thelma and Louise. And she's like, yeah, but they drove off a cliff. He goes, but they were holding hands.

Mark:

Chalmers with the the movie reference.

Sarah:

Yeah. He's he's so little brother. Except okay. He does Chalmers is a good policeman, but he commits a mortal sin Uh-oh. When he picks up that gun.

Mark:

Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. What is he doing? At least Mike knows to put a glove on top of his hand to pick up the gun.

Sarah:

Not only does he pick it up, he picks it up

Mark:

And he looks the trigger. Barrel.

Sarah:

Looks, I mean, he's got to check to make sure it's not loaded. Don't you mean, even Frodo has a hanky. It's gross, but he's got one. Pick it up with something to He's check just like, let me touch it wherever the killer might have touched it. Here, here, here, here.

Sarah:

I'm gonna spit shine this part. Put some more DNA on it.

Mark:

So now, faithful listeners, if you know us, you know we have four children, one in Seattle, one in Indianapolis, two live at home who are gainfully unemployed right now, currently.

Sarah:

They're doing volunteer work.

Mark:

They're doing volunteer work. We're going about this getting a job thing in the wrong way.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah?

Mark:

We should have them cry on a dock.

Sarah:

Well, if you're a cute 16 year old and Frodo comes up, that's how you get a job.

Mark:

Okay. Okay. She can't make coffee, but she makes tea really well.

Sarah:

Though I do have to tell you guys, this is the greatest mom coup ever. Okay. They do have jobs.

Mark:

Yes. They do.

Sarah:

They're newly employed at Spirit Halloween. As seasonal workers.

Mark:

It's fantastic. I will be getting a discount.

Sarah:

Do I get the two kids work here double discount?

Mark:

You should. I should. I could get the store now.

Sarah:

So the girl crying on the dock is Maude who is Jane's daughter who she put up for adoption when she was supposed to be working on the sheep farm.

Mark:

Did you notice that when Sims goes to talk to Annie, I know we're bouncing all over the place but that doesn't matter. When Sims goes to talk to Annie, she makes her coffee?

Sarah:

No. I didn't notice that.

Mark:

You didn't notice because Annie doesn't drink a single sip of it.

Sarah:

Does Annie know about Maude? Does she know that Jane had a daughter and gave her up? No. So Jane kept that totally to herself.

Mark:

Totally to herself.

Sarah:

Bill never knew, nobody knew.

Mark:

I think Jane's mom and her boyfriend's mom took off together, Thelma and the Weenley style holding hands because the moms are non existent in this story.

Sarah:

Well, Jane and Annie's mom's dead. But Supposedly. You know, Wyatt Twerk's mom Yeah. Could have run off with Bill's mom. So She cries to the point I worry about her hydration levels.

Sarah:

Frodo's so funny.

Mark:

Frodo, grief counselor.

Sarah:

He's so nice though.

Mark:

Frodo is awesome.

Sarah:

She's crying and he's like, have a dirty hanky. Can can I help you? And lets her try to make coffee. Yeah. And I don't think he's hitting on her or anything.

Mark:

No. No. No.

Sarah:

No. I think She's young, and I think he just feels bad for her.

Mark:

I think he feels bad for her and needs somebody to work at the shop.

Sarah:

Over and over in my notes, it says, can we slap Polly? Can we slap her now? Can Polly be hit at this point?

Mark:

So then we have the secret undershow, which is Canadian musician Tammy Nielsen. So the record that they both share.

Sarah:

Who is the music for Broken Wood all the time?

Mark:

Well, you know why she's the music for Broken Wood all the time? No. Because her brother does the music for the show. Her brother and her moved to New Zealand together. I think she moved there to be with her future husband.

Sarah:

Mhmm. And She's a great singer.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And she's got a style.

Mark:

Yes. And that she was part of the Nielsons, which is a a well known Canadian country music family. Ah. So so that's why she's in this episode and I think it's a I I don't mind it at all. I don't think it's shoehorned in or anything like that.

Mark:

I think it I think It works. It ends fantastically. And Trudy gets the line of the episode. Don't you think?

Sarah:

The come on weirdos.

Mark:

Come on weirdos.

Sarah:

Why does Jane put Bill's love letters in a box and bury it?

Mark:

I that's what powers the radio's the record player.

Sarah:

Underground power lines from the from Bill's love letters in a box? Like, doesn't she have a room where she can put things?

Mark:

I would think

Sarah:

Why couldn't she keep them at the love shack?

Mark:

Why doesn't she why does she still live on the farm? Like, they're like, we should go trapped.

Sarah:

Why why are they trapped?

Mark:

Just just leave. We should go away together like normal people.

Sarah:

They're like 36.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

Just go. Yeah. Take the nugget and go. Oh, no. The nugget would be, you know, worth something.

Sarah:

I'll just throw it in the water. Cash that baby in and get out.

Mark:

Yeah. Definitely. And we haven't even talked about Chalmers Missy.

Sarah:

Missy.

Mark:

I love that.

Sarah:

I can't tell whether they're supposed to be like romantic tension between them or like sibling tension. But she's awesome.

Mark:

I think she's fantastic. I think it's supposed to be romantic tension. She's in two other episodes. Yeah. She's meant She's to be

Sarah:

really good actress.

Mark:

She's meant to be a red herring here, but she is certainly an interest for Chalmers.

Sarah:

It's too small of a town for her to live there and them not ever have run into each other. I don't understand how that's supposed to work.

Mark:

I agree.

Sarah:

But I love the way she stands up to him. Are you going to arrest me for this? For that? For this? No?

Sarah:

Okay, then I'm going.

Mark:

Yeah, she's totally You want to frit her? Yeah. Where do you get the I'm a little obsessed with power

Sarah:

in this. Well, she's got a butane burner there.

Mark:

Yeah. But still

Sarah:

Or propane or something like She

Mark:

came prepared. Portable kitchen or

Sarah:

something that, guess. She brings her own butter. I have known many a fisherman who bring everything they need to start a campfire and fillet fish that they catch and bread them and fry them right there.

Mark:

I guess that's true. It's good.

Sarah:

They didn't make fritters but it was good.

Mark:

So we find out that Annie has an not Annie, sorry. We find out that Casey has an addiction, a gambling addiction. Mhmm. And there are clues laid in the episode and they go over them and they're very nice.

Sarah:

Yeah. Like the fact that she owes Trudy money Yes. At the bar.

Mark:

What I like is her friend on this creek side says, I'll do anything to get you help.

Sarah:

Anything that's mine is yours. Whatever you need.

Mark:

Including, let's go to a meeting. Yeah. That is how you react when your friend

Sarah:

Not or loved one. You're getting too old to have babies, have have a wedding dress, marry the first person you see.

Mark:

Yeah. Like the Poly. The difference between Poly and Jane in the reaction to the addiction is it's so weird. I also think in a total meta way, I was like, gambling addiction is the perfect metaphor because say she was addicted to smack or cocaine

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

That's a hard drug and a hard thing to deal with in the nutmeg villa of Brokenwood. Yes. But gambling, that's something that You can just do on your phone. Yeah. It makes it so easy to understand.

Mark:

Yeah. It's a good it's a good tool to make a sympathetic person who has an addiction. Though

Sarah:

when they confront Casey and Polly together and Casey admits that she has an addiction, and before you know that, it's weird that she says, and this is Donna, my support person. Like Yes. Why do you have a support person?

Mark:

I have a note here that says, why do you have Donna, the support person?

Sarah:

Donna's her sponsor. Yes.

Mark:

And then she says then Mike says, while you were down by the river killing Jane, and Sims is like, what?

Sarah:

Didn't you What? Didn't you see her shoe? Duh. Duh. Polly's so dense, she doesn't even notice she's got a shotgun shell wedged in her Would you

Mark:

not notice that right away? It would

Sarah:

be so uncomfortable. It would

Mark:

be incredibly uncomfortable.

Sarah:

How do you feel about line dancing?

Mark:

What's in the box? Power. Yes. Power is in the box. I am no fan of doing anything in unison.

Mark:

Why? Because both Nazis and Michael Jackson videos have it. I just don't like groups doing things in unison.

Sarah:

Were you beaten by a marching band as a child or something? No. You're is it is it your anti joiner No. DNA there?

Mark:

It just it yeah. Maybe. I just don't like it. I don't like large groups of people moving in unison. Sorry.

Sarah:

Mark was traumatized as a parade as a child. No.

Mark:

Yes. A

Sarah:

parade chase we'd have a straight up. I have been line dancing, and it was fun when you if you know how to do it Yeah. Like, you feel kind of accomplished. Like, I'm keeping up.

Mark:

I can understand all that, but it's country music aerobics is what it is.

Sarah:

It is. It is. But it does the opposite of how you feel about people doing things in unison. When you are one of those people, you feel part of something, and that's kind of fun. Especially when it involves stomping and It's stuff.

Sarah:

Fun. Yep. Would I do it now? No. I wish But it was fun when

Mark:

we did it. I wish Chalmers and Sims had joined in. Yeah. That would have been fun.

Sarah:

They look like sorry sports for not Yeah. For being so like unwilling to give it a try. But I'm glad Beth shows up with a fringy shirt on Beth? And grabs Gina like,

Mark:

come on. There's two things I love about Beth in this episode. The first thing is Mike's phone rings and he says he's gotta go. And she is, I know what it's like. Yep.

Mark:

I know what I'm in for.

Sarah:

Yep.

Mark:

Go. It's your job. You don't have to apologize. She

Sarah:

doesn't apologize. Uh-huh. No. We were

Mark:

in the middle of absolutely She understanding. Yep. Then she shows up, grabs Gina's hand, and is like Let's go, sir. What's doing this?

Sarah:

Yeah. Weirdos. Yep. Trudy knows where the money's at though. Yeah.

Sarah:

She's gonna suck up the fact that they're weirdos because they buy drinks.

Mark:

Trudy's all about the money.

Sarah:

But she hates line dancing at night.

Mark:

She so does. Trudy is classic rock all the way, I would think.

Sarah:

I would say so too. Yeah. If she even deigns to listen to music. I don't know. She might be kind of a Wagner moody Maybe.

Sarah:

Brooding music. Maybe it's Nine Inch Nails all day. Rob Zombie. Well. That is good as gold.

Sarah:

Next we have,

Mark:

well before we do next we should do after the show, after the episode because we do have an implication of after the episode. Yeah. Which is that Maude and her father are reunited and form an actual relationship.

Sarah:

Is Bill her dad?

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

For sure? Yes. Okay. I wasn't totally clear on that.

Mark:

If she's so in love with him to keep quiet for twenty years and not like a, oh, I know I'll have sex with you, but we shouldn't go out in public. She obviously loved him.

Sarah:

If Bill is definitely Maude's dad, Jane was a bad person because she never told him.

Mark:

How do you keep a secret like that for twenty years from someone you love?

Sarah:

I especially if it was their child too. Yeah. That's bad.

Mark:

Yeah. Like I wish there was a moment where mom and dad made me do this or something. Because she was 16.

Sarah:

She should have still told him all this time and she never admitted You have a child down Again. Jane just doesn't have control over her own life. Yeah. Like the fact that she wants to keep Maude a secret. Like what do you have to lose?

Sarah:

Just go tell your sister that you have a daughter. Yeah. What is she gonna do?

Mark:

To be angry about sheep.

Sarah:

Kick you off the farm. Okay.

Mark:

Okay. I'm out of here. I'm gonna leave with my new daughter and and husband. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Sarah:

Weiner. Casey's gonna be all right. I also suffer Polly's gonna run the prison.

Mark:

I also suffer suffer from the notion that it's foreign to me that people wanna stay on the farm. I know.

Sarah:

Polly is going to go to that Brokenwood women's jail and run the place. She's going to be doing etiquette classes and, I don't know, poise classes.

Mark:

Is she going to have the wedding dress on the mannequin in her cell?

Sarah:

No. No. Casey's gonna burn it as soon

Mark:

as they put her away. I hope

Sarah:

so. What about Annie?

Mark:

Annie's in a tough spot because, like, she was obviously depending on Jane to help her with the farm.

Sarah:

Mhmm. Because it One person cannot

Mark:

do it. Difficult to run a farm.

Sarah:

They have horses, they have sheep.

Mark:

Todd is no help. No.

Sarah:

Jock should go to a home Yes. And get the care that he needs, and Annie should get a reliable partner, like a business partner Yeah. To run the farm.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

Or sell it.

Mark:

Or sell it.

Sarah:

If she doesn't want to do it. Yes. The end.

Mark:

Yeah. I totally agree. I've seen too many people trapped by farms. Yeah. It just hurt.

Sarah:

By tradition. I hate it.

Mark:

Yeah. When you get through that notion that tradition is It's been dead to our family. Dead people telling you what to do Yeah. You lose a value in tradition. Yeah.

Sarah:

You get over it. Alright. What's season eight episode six?

Mark:

Four fires and a funeral. And it starts with volunteer firemen. Well, I think they might be actual firemen, but they may be also volunteers because Doctor Murder Magnet is one of the people who

Sarah:

The psychiatrist.

Mark:

Goes to help with the fire, the the emergency.

Sarah:

He would join the volunteer firefighters just so he could be around burly men because that's what he's like, even though he's with the revs.

Mark:

I understand that, but there are no burly men as far as I saw in this firefighting.

Sarah:

Oh, there's no sexy firefighters.

Mark:

No. That's right. The next episode started already. So like when I was watching this one, so I was like, oh, oh, what is the doctor doing there? Oh, somebody died.

Mark:

Of course. Yeah.

Sarah:

He's he he is a murder magnet.

Mark:

And so this is a play on four weddings and a funeral. Yes. Just the way that the midsummer episode four funerals and a wedding is a play on that.

Sarah:

Right.

Mark:

Which is like is almost the notion that Four Weddings and a Funeral, the great movie, it's a fantastic movie, is this this egg that everything came from. Yeah. And when you watch it, it kinda is. Yeah. Because remember

Sarah:

because everybody's in it.

Mark:

Everyone is in it, including Rowan Atkins as the vicar.

Sarah:

Mister Bean is the vicar.

Mark:

Which is fantastic. The notion of duck face comes from that movie. Yes. A notion that is fundamental to our podcast. This magical thing that if you haven't seen that movie, you should see that movie.

Sarah:

It's also just a handy title.

Mark:

Yeah. It's a handy title.

Sarah:

It's a

Mark:

fun time.

Sarah:

It's better than, you know, two murders, one cup or something.

Mark:

Well, I think that think that all these people who wrote this were about the age that they would love that movie when it came out.

Sarah:

I agree. So that'll be out in two weeks since we're going every other week until the October. So until then, bye, maniacs.

Mark:

Bye, maniacs. Thanks for joining us on the mystery maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeks. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word.

Mark:

Bye, Maniacs. Yeah, it was.

Sarah:

We're nosy old people now.

Mark:

Yes, we are.

Sarah:

Sorry. We were just noticing some dude on the street doing weird things. Yep. Anyway.

Mark:

Back to the show.