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Traditional beliefs about success and the root cause of burnout are the same:
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I'm your host, Rebecca Fleetwood Hesson, your thrive guide leading you into the new Age of Humanity. I’ve navigated the highs and lows of business and life, from achieving over $40 million in sales, teaching thousands of people around the world about leadership, trust, execution, and productivity to facing burnout, divorce, raising a couple of great humans (one with ADHD), and navigating the uncertainty of starting a business.
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Transcription
REBECCA FLEETWOOD HESSION | BUSINESS IS HUMAN | PATRICIA BATHORY
Episode Transcript
This has been generated by AI and optimized by a human.
Patricia Bathory [00:00:00]:
I'm not coming down I never locked.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:00:03]:
It on the ground?
Patricia Bathory [00:00:05]:
I'm not coming down I wanna go.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:00:08]:
Higher higher than that welcome back to the Business is Human podcast, where we discuss strategies to increase our VRI value, relevance, and impact. We're here to blend meaningful work with profitable success. I'm your host, Rebecca Fleetwood Hession, here to steward what we call the age of humanity, to transform the way we work so we can transform the way that we live. As always, my friendly request, if you like what you hear, hit subscribe so you don't miss any episodes. And then leave a review to tell the other humans that they might like it too. Always looking to help you and connect with others. Let's get into it, shall we? Welcome back to the show. I have some life updates, in case anybody cares.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:00:56]:
If you follow me on Instagram, which I hope you do, Rebecca Fleetwood Hession. You probably have already seen the new addition to the family. Yes, I fostered a dog for 48 hours, and then I became an official dog mom. She's so cute. Our name is Olive. Go to my Instagram because basically, it's just turned into a puppy page at this point in my stories. And I'm going to tell you, you won't be disappointed. Okay, so that's one life update.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:01:28]:
Another. Oh, ps, Olive. First work day. Because, you know, home office, I do virtual keynotes, and, you know, these are paid keynote speeches. And just days after Olive entered our lives, I had a keynote speech for a very large organization to set some context for their leaders and in their planning time. And the long guy showed up during the keynote, which then triggered the new puppy to bark for about 20 minutes out of the 60 minutes keynote. And I tell you all that because it's funny, but also because it illustrates that Business is Human. And what I love is when my clients are just humans and they thought it was funny, and we just made it a part of the humanity of the conversation, and everything was good.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:02:30]:
Which brings me to my next point. This is planning season. This is budget planning season, for the most part, for the following year, if you're on a January to December planning calendar. And so it might be helpful if you want to schedule me to have a conversation with your leadership team as part of that business planning process, to talk about the framework of Business is Human, that we need to do the strategy and the planning because we need to control, measure, and optimize. That's what the business needs. Goals, metrics, systems, processes, help people feel safe so that they can take risks and grow and be bold. But our human needs are personal, emotional, and social. And so understanding that as a part of the planning, can make the planning go a whole lot better, and it can help you to present the strategy in a way that meets the human needs.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:03:30]:
And I love setting that context for you in your yearly planning. So if you want some help with that, let's chat about it. Rebecca thrive live or any place on social media, you can hit me with a message. Okay, so today's episode is someone that I met at a conference last year for keynote speakers, speaking of speaking. And at that time last year, she was in the early stages of planning this book that she just released, and we just really hit it off. And I told her I absolutely wanted her to come on the podcast because the topic of her book, her name is Patricia Bathory, and the topic of her book is connection. In fact, it's called Connected. And the subtitle is building relationships to achieve success and make a lasting impact.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:04:26]:
And what I love about Patricia's perspective on this is she comes to us as an entrepreneur, a business person, and she also went to school to become a therapist after she had already become successful as an entrepreneur. And it was in those conversations with leaders as a therapist that she noticed this theme of connection being a challenge. And so she wrote a book about it, and it is fantastic, and I think you're going to really enjoy this conversation with Patricia. All right, here we go. Patricia, it's so good to see you again. I'm thrilled to have you on the show. How are you?
Patricia Bathory [00:05:06]:
I'm very good. I'm super excited to be here with you today.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:05:09]:
Thank you so much. I love when my life takes me out into the world and I come home with a relationship that I didn't know that I was going to have, I didn't know I needed. But all of a sudden, it's like, oh, my gosh, Patricia has come into my life through a conference that we both attended recently. So I'm thrilled that the Lord has brought us together so we can have this conversation today. And I want to talk about the book.
Patricia Bathory [00:05:40]:
You have the book and settle.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:05:42]:
You just launched, and obviously, that is a kindred spirit moment. When two people who have a passion to write a book meet, there is infinite number of conversations that come from that, and we have enjoyed some of those. But I want to really, before we launch into the content of the book and why it matters, I want to hear, how did you know that you needed to write this book? Like, you get this thing that happens because you're not an author is not the main job that you have. So tell the listeners you have a life outside of authoring books. What's your background and who are you? Before we even jump into this, my.
Patricia Bathory [00:06:25]:
First career, I'm actually an entrepreneur. I have an import export business out of Brazil. So I sell food out of Brazil into private labels in the US. And I started that about 25 years ago. It's a long. When I say that, I'm like, wow, it's a lifetime. So that is my original job or endeavor. Then, I think when I was in my late thirties, I don't know, there was something of, I love what I do, but I really wanted something that really impacted people more directly.
Patricia Bathory [00:06:55]:
And I started studying psychotherapy. I actually went to therapy myself and then was really impressed by the impact my therapist had in my life. And then I wondered if I could have that kind of impact in some else's life. Started studying, got a masters in counseling psychology, and then started seeing clients. So that's how the pivot in my career pivot happened. And then I started to be a full time psychotherapist. I still run my business, but it's actually more professionalized now. I do the commercial part, but really in a much in a smaller capacity there.
Patricia Bathory [00:07:29]:
My real passion is seeing people. Being a therapist, you asked, how does this then go into me writing a book? When I started seeing clients, I really niched on working with leaders. Leaders struggling with issues in their personal lives and having to still perform at work. It was something very dear to my heart and really it was a firsthand experience. I speak business. I speak psychology. It just seemed like the natural thing. Tenes.
Patricia Bathory [00:07:59]:
And it is a place where I really find myself in these conversations and.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:08:04]:
Then started seeing clients.
Patricia Bathory [00:08:06]:
And the more people came in, the more different their struggles. One thing that I noticed is that the common denominator for a lot of these struggles were relationship issues. People were struggling with their children, with their partners, with their bosses, the people that work for them, their partners in business. And then I started seeing this. And also, right, because what happens is when I talk to clients, ultimately you do a little bit of self awareness and self analysis as well, and you recognize that it is difficult to get along with each other. And so, you know, I started seeing, you know, I have these difficulties. They have these difficulties. These things are actually universal.
Patricia Bathory [00:08:45]:
This difficulty that we have getting along is not a personal experience. It really is universal. What if I amplified this aha moment that I had while helping my clients? What if I amplified it and put it in a bigger platform. And you know, some people have podcasts like you do, which is great because you can amplify your voice here. But I thought, well, let me do research. Let me write a little bit. Let me see if I could put this in writing. And then I did and then it seemed like the natural, well, I'm gonna go and write a book and get this done.
Patricia Bathory [00:09:17]:
And yes, it was published this year. It's called connected and it is about building relationships, maintaining them and what can we do to make them better, stronger and longer lasting.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:09:28]:
I love this because for a myriad of reasons. But one of the main things that I am hoping to inspire people to see differently from the way that we were raised historically, mostly in the industrial age model of work that my generation have lived through is that we're supposed to pick something and stick with it. We're supposed to know what our career is. And I have always just fought this because to me it doesn't align with the way that I see the gut feelings and the callings and the way that I have been led. And what I love is you have modeled this so beautifully. You have this entrepreneurial call, well boom, that checks the box on making sure that you've got provision and money and you get this thing going and you're good at it and then you're like, oh wait, I'm learning something from here. I'm going to go pursue that. And now to me that's the way we were created, to listen to that internal voice.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:10:31]:
And that is a big theme of this book is around courage and listening to your purpose and finding your purpose.
Patricia Bathory [00:10:39]:
I mean chapter two is all about finding this purpose. And you said something so strong there which is if you don't allow yourself to change, you're denying that you are different. At 20, then you were at 30, then you were at 50. I don't know if every decade you change but I certainly am turning 50 next year. And at 50 I am, I think there's me becoming me or this 50 year old me. At 40 there was a different person. At 30 there was a different person. So when I first opened my business it was in my late twenties, the focus was very different.
Patricia Bathory [00:11:17]:
I needed to prove something. I needed to get something. I had an MBA. What am I going to do with this? I need to, there was this, I got to succeed somehow. And succeed I did. I mean I opened a business, I have a good contract. It's a reoccurring sale. It goes well.
Patricia Bathory [00:11:30]:
I'm quite happy. I have wonderful clients, long term clients, quite, quite happy with the work that I did. But does that mean that's all I do, then denying yourself this second career, and I'll tell you this, like with clients, more and more and more often I see people with two careers, three careers, and I joke, I've picked up golf a couple of years ago and I'm like, in my third career as an LPGA pro, and my husband looks and goes, are you nuts? I'm like, you just, you just wait, you just wait. Give me ten years when I get the psychology thing out of my system. You don't know, there's no, no. Never limit ourselves. Never, never, never.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:12:09]:
Oh my gosh, if we could just shout that from the mountaintops. Always. Well, the, the basis of this podcast in my business is that Business is Human and that the business needs to control, measure, optimize any goals and metrics. But we as humans are personal, emotional and social. And now the common denominator is both need growth. But what we have done is let ourselves believe that we need to treat ourselves like a business in order to grow. And nothing could be further from the truth. We are wired for growth.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:12:39]:
You're going to have new ideas, you're going to have new passions, you're going to have new purpose. Every chapter of your story to me could be very, very different in terms of your occupation. I'm looking at some things right now that I'm making some shifts in my career with some real estate investment, and some things that I've always been passionate about the real estate market, like let's go be curious and courageous. And you talk about those things very specifically, that it takes the guts and the curiosity and courage to do that. Tell us more about that.
Patricia Bathory [00:13:14]:
I love the curiosity piece because it really is about everything. The sprinkle of curiosity in the book has to do about being curious so that we can have better relationships. Because a lot of our relationships is because we come from a fixed mindset, or you have a lot of certainties, and when you have these certainties, you're not open to try to understand what it is that the other person is saying or what the other point of view is. But when you talk about curiosity, really every realm of your life can benefit from it. And absolutely, as you grow, allowing yourself to be curious, what are people going to say if I change careers? Are they going to think, and I get this from some of my clients, are they going to think it's because it didn't work out and I'm like, yes, it doesn't matter. Don't run your life worrying about what other people may or may not say about you. All you need to know is what you know and then move forward and not be afraid, because the naysayers, and Brene Brown has this very well, like, she does such a great job of saying, who gets a vote in your life? You know, who gets a vote? And I think you should get your vote. Maybe your close friends and the people that love you and the people that understand what you're trying to do, they should get a vote.
Patricia Bathory [00:14:30]:
Sure. But aside from that, the naysayers, the people sitting up there in the bleachers throwing tomatoes at you, they don't get a vote. So let them. Let the naysayers be naysayers. Let the naysayers be naysayers. And to do what you want to do, what your passion is, don't deny yourself the possibility of a full, a purposeful and just a very superb life.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:14:53]:
Yeah. Well, I'm going to tie into Mel Robbins, who wrote a bit for your book on the COVID and, you know, her big movement for a while recently has been, let them. Let them think that. But I believe that this, what if they think it went wrong? Idea that shuts us down comes from that control measure, optimize achievement based society that we have been raised. And one of the things you say in the book that I really, really appreciate, and it made me stop and think about my own relationships, even though I do a lot of the same kind of thinking and work that you do. It really had me pausing. You said, when you're going into relationships, I think it was in the chapter around best practices. You said, the fewer the expectations, the better.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:15:40]:
Talk about that.
Patricia Bathory [00:15:41]:
I got goosebumps when you said that. Hearing somebody say is like, wow, that is, you know, a lot of the suffering. I always say this, the suffering lives between our expectation of what somebody should be and what they should represent in our life and how they show up to it in that space is where we become sad, is where we get disappointed, is where we get angry, is where all these bad feelings happen. So when you go and in some of these relationships we don't choose, think about the relationships with our family of origin, your siblings, your parents, with your children, with the neighbors from across the street. You don't choose these people. So if you're not choosing them, if there's one thing you can do to make sure that relationship is as easy as possible, show up to it with no expectations of how that person should behave, because if you come in and if you are able to have the relationship that is possible, then you really are winning. Because what the problem is, we don't show up at going, okay, what is it that we can build here? Usually you come in going, okay, I'm expecting us to build this, this, this. And of course, it's going to fall short.
Patricia Bathory [00:16:55]:
And of course, that's where suffering happens and all this disappointment.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:16:58]:
It sounds so simple when you say it. There's so much emotion in there. I, a coach that I really respect for my life, I was talking to her about a challenging family relationship, and she said, go into your visit with them. The only thing that you're going to do is decide how you want to be and just if that's loving and kind and whatever beautiful thing you want to bring to it, just bring that and just stay focused on that. And that really, it's saying the same thing that I'm hearing you saying is I can't have expectations on what they are going to say or do or believe about me, but I can own how I want to show up in that space.
Patricia Bathory [00:17:42]:
And you can only control how you show up in that space. The other thing that I do, I love what that coach said. The other thing that I also work with is, let's define success in these difficult relationships. What does success look like? So I'm going to go in, and I will not engage in difficult talks. I will be loving. I will be curious. I will not be judgmental. If you can define success by three or four small things that you can do that are in your control, then that's great, because however bad the other person behaves, then all you have to do is, I'm going to remain loving and open and not react and not.
Patricia Bathory [00:18:25]:
I'm not going to engage. Then it becomes a lot simpler. And if that's the only relationship you can have that is successful, that is successful. Let's not be suffering for what could be.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:18:36]:
And those are things I have influence over. I don't have influence over their thoughts or behaviors. Well, and that brings us to another note that I made, is that not all relationships can be repaired. And, boy, don't we like to fix things.
Patricia Bathory [00:18:52]:
That is really, you know, I remember writing that and it brings, like, it gets me emotional today because I'm so. I'm such an idealist, like, I'm such an optimist, and I believe that, you know, we should like. To me, it's. It's crazy that we fight. It's crazy that we can get along. We cannot get along. It's. To me, I find that so difficult to really understand.
Patricia Bathory [00:19:13]:
But I recognize, too, that sometimes letting go is the only option. And I think Tara Westwood from Educated, the author of educated, she writes, you know, sometimes you can miss somebody every day and still be glad they're not in life. So sometimes that is the only thing you can do, is letting them go. And that's where your liberation is. That's where you can be set free. Very sad, very powerful, but it is. Sometimes you can't repair, and sometimes you have to let go. As sad as that is for somebody who's legitless.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:19:49]:
Yeah, same. Well, and again, not to sound like a broken record here, but I think so often we are accustomed to believing that we have more control over things in our lives than we really do. And so we want to believe that we can control all of the factors. And if anything positive came out of 2020 in quarantine and that whole experience, to me, it was the global realization that we don't have nearly as much control over our lives as we think we do. And then the follow on to that, that, I think, has been beautiful. Which ties into the first part of your book, is people had this time of forced reflection to really ask ourselves, who am I and who do I really want to be? And that's really how the book starts out, is this whole idea of identity. And I also love that you use examples from clients and people that you've worked with, so you hear their stories, which helps us really resonate with this. And so one of the things you asked this client to do is to reflect on who he was and who he aspired to be.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:20:57]:
And you've got some really practical, great exercises in the book to walk people through that, talk about how that who I am, identity, purpose, plays into connected and relationships.
Patricia Bathory [00:21:10]:
I think we. You know, I see a lot of leaders. And what happens is leaders, there's a personality trait that I don't want to generalize, but there is a personality trait that tends to be common to leaders, which is they're the doers, they're the fixers, they are the a types. They give them a problem, they'll get it fixed, they'll get it done, they'll get it accomplished. There's this accomplishment aspect to these personalities. The thing about life, though, is that it comes up with a lot of these unexpected events or uncontrolled events. You know, whether it's in business, your company gets bought by someone else, whether it's in your personal life, your partner asks you for a divorce, you find out your child is involved in drugs, or the police calls in the middle of the night. These events, all of a sudden, they're out of your control, and you can't, there's nothing you can do about it.
Patricia Bathory [00:22:04]:
And so what happens for a leader, the natural reaction of a leader that I find, and this is from the experience of all the leaders I've been seeing, is they try to control, they try to. Okay, hang on. I'm going to do something about this, and I'm going to solve it and study more about the problem and find a solution and sit here and work harder. And that's when they really go into a spiral, because those solutions don't solve anything. It just makes them get worse and worse and worse. And the whole thing with connected is that it is the solution. Control is not the answer.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:22:37]:
Connection is.
Patricia Bathory [00:22:38]:
And the whole idea behind it is that if you try to control things that you can't, that are out of your control, you will spiral. Whereas if you connect to yourself, if you connect to others, and if you connect to the world, meaning, purpose and all that, then you really get this full identity figured out, and that gives you clarity to then move forward.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:23:02]:
I love this so much. I believe that for such a time as this, this is the time in our world where we are. Many are in that time of reflection of what do I really want, what has my career been about? And I love that you've given some really practical reflection exercises to help people do this kind of work. And what I have seen from my clients, in my own experience, is we have been led to believe, going back to leaders, that successful career and achievement will feed that purpose. And what I said will feed our souls. And money and accomplishment and achievements, and granite countertops and a great car and a vice president title does not feed our souls. Now, you can have all those things and do it with such intention and purpose, and the way that you do it might feed your soul. But if it's just the checks off the list, we're going to be hungry forever if money and achievement is the thing.
Patricia Bathory [00:24:06]:
And you know what's funny? A lot of the stories that I use for the book, I mean, chapter one, he's somebody who's very dear to my heart, a good friend. And the whole story with him is he goes and he wants, and he wanted to make sure he was financially stable. He wanted to make sure he actually had money, had this say and control over his career. And he does all this. The difference is he didn't want the title, period. He wanted the title so that with the title, he could do something. He realized that as CEO, he now has the power to implement this program that gives eyeglasses to all these little kids in Brazil. With the title, he was allowed to.
Patricia Bathory [00:24:48]:
You know, he was the CEO of this big optical in Brazil. So he got this huge program that distributed, for a very, very small price, eyeglasses for little kids. And then his second endeavor was he became the CEO of the largest toy distributor in Brazil. And I don't know if it's manufacturer, distributor, I don't know. There's toys involved. All I know, though, is that he implemented, how do we give back toys to a generation of children who don't have toys or who don't play with toys anymore? And so he elected some of these initiatives, and that's where he works in. So this is somebody who, it's not about being CEO. It's what does being a CEO allow me to do.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:25:32]:
The access it gives you to greater purpose. Ooh, that's good.
Patricia Bathory [00:25:37]:
And that acts. And this is the thing. And to me, this is why he's my chapter one, because it is somebody who was not happy to sit. Okay, I'm CEO. This is. I've done it. It's like, no, no, no. Now is where I actually start to do my work.
Patricia Bathory [00:25:50]:
And he's phenomenal. Somebody I really admire.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:25:52]:
Chapter one, really, again, for such a time as this, because in the last, I don't know if it's twelve or 18 months, we've had the most CEO's exit in any time in history. And so I believe there is a. It's rampant that people at that level are questioning like, is this all there is? And so your book gives them a chance to look at it differently, to say, no, it wasn't about the title or the money. It was about the access in the way that you could use that for a greater promise.
Patricia Bathory [00:26:22]:
I don't like that. I'm very careful with that binary viewer. Be this and that. I'm always very careful to say, well, success is not about the money. Success is not about the title. Success is not. I'm like, there's just so much you can do if you don't have money or a title. I'm sorry, but that's just facts.
Patricia Bathory [00:26:41]:
If you have $100 in your bank account and you are like the bottom feeder in a company, I'm sorry, you're not going to have any impact. It's that simple, right? I shouldn't. This way. Great. But that's a whole different conversation. That's just how it is, how things are. So money and a title and influence are not bad. It's when you recognize what they're for.
Patricia Bathory [00:27:06]:
Right? I mean, look at Melinda Gates, Melinda French, and look at Oprah Winfrey. Look at all these people who have taken their Bill Gates. The three things he wants to solve for the world. Look at all this money and all this power. What are they doing with it? That is what money and power is for, so that we can really positively contribute to this big world, which is all of us. That's where we're all connected.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:27:30]:
No, I love that. And I am always, from where I sit, I always look at how can I connect to business, our nervous system, just hardwiring. And then mine is spiritual and Bible. And very clearly, this is what's so funny. Even people that know the Bible think that humility means being poor. And nothing could be further from the truth. All throughout the Bible is about prosperity gives you influence. Prosperity gives you the ability to serve.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:27:57]:
Prosperity gives the ability to help. And so that's a big part of connected is who are you going to help and why does that matter to you and what are you going to do with that?
Patricia Bathory [00:28:06]:
I think there's a quote by Jesus that he says that I came for so that you can live in abundance. I think he uses the word abundance.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:28:12]:
Abundance all the time.
Patricia Bathory [00:28:14]:
Abundance is a lot. It's a lot of, it's, there's nothing wrong with a lot of titles, a lot of education, a lot of money. It's like there's not a problem. A lot of everything is great, especially if you're going to share it, especially if you're going to use it to impact the world positively and bring people up. So I have no problem with abundance. I actually love abundance as a bird. I use it every day with my clients. But it is about what are you doing with it?
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:28:43]:
One of the things I used to say to my kids all the time, raising them, was use your powers for good, not evil.
Patricia Bathory [00:28:48]:
Yeah, yeah. And we want you to have a lot of powers.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:28:52]:
If you can use your power for good, everything's good. So as you look at the different ways of being connected, you have what you call your village council, and you've alluded to this earlier, you know, you're inner circle and who you, who gets a vote in your life? I have called ours the badass women's council. As career women, we need people that understand that career is an important part of our purpose because not everybody has chosen that path, and that's why we have this. I love the options that we have in our life. And so this idea of your counsel, these people that are a part of your life, tell us why it's important and how do we go and make sure we've got the right counsel? You've given some good nuggets in the book about that.
Patricia Bathory [00:29:42]:
The counsel. It's funny because I wrote about it in the book, but it's actually an idea of one of my clients. It's funny because sometimes you get the best idea from the people that come to see me.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:29:52]:
That's about being connected.
Patricia Bathory [00:29:54]:
They come to me for ideas, and I'm like, that is brilliant. So I have a client. It started with this one client. He came in to solve some issues in his personal life. We talked for a while, and then, you know, things were going well, and he was doing actually quite well. So I was having this conversation going, you know, listen, you don't have to keep coming back. You can always, you know, like, we can let go for a while, and then if you have another issue in the future, you can come back and we can try to solve whatever life throws at you next. I looks at me, dead serious, and he says, no.
Patricia Bathory [00:30:28]:
Oh, no, I'm not letting go of you. And he says, you know, it's funny because I have a board meeting once a month. Once a month. I sit down and I see if we sold what we expected to sell once a month. I see if we spent how much we wanted to spend. We invested whatever, how many clients we have. If we. We do it, we do a run in how the company is going.
Patricia Bathory [00:30:50]:
If I take the time to do that for the company, why wouldn't I do that for myself? And then he said, you are my board meeting with myself. You keep me accountable. And it's interesting, because until that moment, I never saw leaders with this package. It was always, come here, let's solve a problem. You're done. Be gone. And now I have quite a few leaders that when they first come in, it is to solve whatever problems they're struggling with. They're getting a divorce, having issues with their kids, with their ailing parents or whatever it is.
Patricia Bathory [00:31:22]:
They'll come in, we'll work on that for four months, six months, or whatever it is. And then they stay. They stay for these monthly check ins to make sure, am I still checking in with my parents? Am I still remaining connected? Am I still aligned with the person that I want to be? Because it doesn't matter if you have this great ambition of being this wonderful human being, if you don't have accountability for what you decide you're going to be, it's as good as nothing. And that's what those monthly check ins are for. So that's how that started. And then, of course, I started thinking about it and going, I'm like, you know what? That's actually what my village, my counsel, my counselors, that's what they're for. They are my people. The people that will tell you, maybe you are drinking too much.
Patricia Bathory [00:32:08]:
Maybe you're not being real kind to your kids. Maybe are you being too hard on them? Maybe you're not giving enough attention to your older parents or whatever it is that they can call you on it because they do get a vote, because your inner circle, it comes from a place of loving, and you are willing to give them that vote, not the other people. But it's important to have that inner council to keep you accountable, I think.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:32:33]:
Agreed. I am so grateful. No, it's a beautiful answer and so impactful to every aspect of your life. Sometimes I think we've been led to believe that friendship is for fun and going out and having a cocktail or whatever. But my friend group today is that they're my board of directors, they're my badass women's council, and they're the people I can go to with insane vulnerability. In fact, one of them messaged us just a few weeks ago and said, I've been holding something in for too long. Long. Oh, I'm gonna cry thinking about it.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:33:12]:
And I'm. I need to talk with you. And this is a group that, you know, all busy, constantly, things spinning, and everybody dropped everything. And the next day, there was. There was a meeting of the council at my house around the couch, and laid the snacks out. And I said, okay, tell us. And it was just a. It was a really hard thing.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:33:35]:
Really hard thing that she's going through. And to see how immediately people dropped everything else they had going on to pour into this person just reminded me that I have that support, too. And at any point, I need to use it. And sometimes it's for celebration. Sometimes, you know, you've accomplished something that you're proud of, and it feels like bragging to put it out in a certain way, but those are the people you can call, you know, it just the humanity of having that kind of.
Patricia Bathory [00:34:03]:
And that is. That's such a gift, and not everybody has it. And I think recognizing. I think there's, you know, to your listeners, if you do have a group of friends that will drop everything for you. You know, something happened today. It's like, I'll cancel all my clients for you today, right? I'll cancel my interview with you for something that happens to a friend today. So if you have that somebody who will cancel things for you and who you will cancel things for, you are a blessed human and make sure you acknowledge that and be grateful for it. If you don't have it, find those people.
Patricia Bathory [00:34:41]:
Go out, reach out. Be connected. If you're having difficulties, how do I, you know, I haven't found those people. For some reason, I can't. I can't form a relationship. It's not happening to me. Go seek help. Like, go see a therapist.
Patricia Bathory [00:34:55]:
Sometimes it is. It is tweaking your social skills, or maybe there's something off. You're not too sure how you're coming across. Sometimes the work that you do in yourself, then you get such big gifts from it, because having a friend, one only. If you have one friend, that is such a blessing. If you have more than one, you're a rich person.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:35:17]:
So true. It's so true. And sometimes there are blocks. Fear of vulnerability, fear of being seen. And a therapist can really help uncover a lot of those things. So I am thrilled that this book is in my hand now. When we met, it was still in progress, so to tangibly hold it in my hands. I'm so excited for what you're bringing into the world, because, again, I believe that it's more important now than it's ever been.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:35:47]:
And so before you go off to your PGA success in the future, you now, I'm going to just put that out there. You are going out to keynote for conferences and talk to leaders about this, connected leadership specifically. And so somebody's thinking, oh, I've got a conference coming up. Like, what would the message be if somebody was going to hire you for a keynote now for leaders?
Patricia Bathory [00:36:14]:
So I work a lot on this connected leadership, and basically it's a little bit of that framework that I said, we come across difficulties, whether in our personal life or in our professional life. And as leaders, the old way of solving it was, give it to me. I'm going to grind and grind and grind and work and research and figure this out on my own. And we're noticing that that does not solve any problems. And so what I bring is a framework of connection. Connection to yourself through therapy, through self awareness, connection to others with a few behavior changes that we can do in order to improve the way we connect to other people in order for us to have better teams and better relationships and the connection to the world where you get the clarity to find purpose, define meaning to whatever it is that you're doing so that with these three connections, you can clear the path forward to get to these solutions and the success that you're looking for and that you deserve.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:37:17]:
That's beautiful. Not to mention how it would impact their relationships at home, not just at work.
Patricia Bathory [00:37:24]:
So when win win, it's win win. It's like whatever you and the methodology you apply here, you apply every. You don't become a better human in only one role. If you work in yourself. Like if you get. If you become a better individual everywhere, because you are the same person in every aspect of your life. Right? So it's just overall improvement. It's great.
Patricia Bathory [00:37:47]:
It really is great.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:37:49]:
I will often ask my clients, you know, what's your number today? And on a scale of one to ten is just kind of get us check in on where they are before we start a conversation. And when they first start working with me, they'll say, personally or professionally, I'm like, well, you are one person who has roles, different roles that you play. So you only get one number because one impacts the other. And so that's just. It is what it is, whether you like it or not.
Patricia Bathory [00:38:10]:
Yeah, absolutely.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:38:12]:
How can people stay connected, pun intended, with you? So we're on social media. Where, on your website? How can they reach out and hire you for a keynote? Where should they find you?
Patricia Bathory [00:38:24]:
All right, so my website, I'm actually revamping it, but it's patriciabathory.com should be out at the end of October, hopefully. If not LinkedIn. LinkedIn's a great place to connect. I'm always there. I post a couple times a week. So Patricia Bathory. B-A-T-H bath. O-R-Y.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:38:42]:
Awesome. Thank you. I'm glad we're friends and I'm glad that you're putting this out into the world. Yes.
Patricia Bathory [00:38:47]:
It's so exciting to talk about the book after you were part of the process. You saw me working on it in those long nights, but finally have it in your hands.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:38:54]:
In my hands.
Patricia Bathory [00:38:55]:
Yay. It does.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:38:57]:
Thanks so much.
Patricia Bathory [00:38:58]:
Thank you for having me on your show.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:39:06]:
Thanks for listening to this episode. I would love it if you would go to apple podcast and leave a rating and a review. And then you can go to https://www.rebeccafleetwoodhession.com/ and join the Badass Women's Council. And if you really want to take a deeper dive, join the movement of a thousand thriving women. There's amazing thrive tools there for you today. Love you.
Patricia Bathory [00:39:26]:
Mean it. I'm not coming down.
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession [00:39:31]:
Hey y'all, fun fact. If you like the music for the podcast, that is actually my son Cameron Hession and I would love it if you would go to Spotify and iTunes and follow him and download some of his other music. My personal favorite is tv land.
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