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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Welcome to the System Speak podcast, a podcast about dissociative identity disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 2:You guys, we have emails to read again, finally, for two reasons. One, you all showed up after that Dante episode for one thing. And for another thing, it helps when we turn the contact us link back on. So there is a link to email the podcast on the new website for the community@systemspeakcommunity.com, and I will start adding that to the show notes. So you should be able to see that.
Speaker 2:You can email again, and I am so glad to hear from you. Once you start learning about connection, it's a lot harder to podcast into the dark. That's all I'm saying. Okay. So we have this message from Melissa that said, hi, guys.
Speaker 2:We were wondering how you got the courage to go to Infinite Mind Conference all by yourselves. I would love to go next year, but I am so scared to go out there all alone. Well, Melissa, we are not going in person this year. We cannot because we have to go on the do the plenary for ISSTD just a few weeks later. We used to be able to go when it was in January.
Speaker 2:Now that it's a little bit later, it's harder to navigate that. How we went the first time, I have no idea. And we almost missed the whole thing from hiding in our room so much. But I will tell you, the people that I met that week, that year, I still love and adore. And so I am so grateful for that experience.
Speaker 2:I think that I don't know. It's still scary. It's still scary. So I don't know that that's so helpful for you other than I wanna validate your feelings and the anxiety about that. I will say that it is one of the safest places on the planet and that because it's at a hotel, you can also just pretend you're just a person.
Speaker 2:Like, just walk through. You know, like, down in the lobby or where people are getting food or whatever, no one's going to just notice you as much as it feels like. And so you can kind of get the scope of the place before you start connecting with people. And if you're not ready to connect with people, you can still just go to sessions and do your own thing in between, and no one's gonna be intrusive really, I don't think. So know that too that you can also just go and do what you're ready for.
Speaker 2:You don't have to go and do everything. Does that make sense? You may try some things out and then decide you want to do more things, but if not, that's okay. It really is. So I hope that helps, and maybe we'll see you there someday.
Speaker 2:Victoria says, I have signed up to System Speaks. I have found the content to be excellent. Do you mean the podcast or the community? I'm not sure which content. My loved one has a DID diagnosis.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay. So probably the podcast. And I am looking for a support group for loved ones of people with DID. It would be really helpful to be supported by and talk with other people with similar experiences. Is that what your supporters group is for?
Speaker 2:Oh, maybe it is the community. So, Victoria, we absolutely have that. The problem in the past, and I will just say this as delicately as possible, Historically, the problem with trying to have a group for supporters is that when things are hard at home, the last thing they have spoons for is to, like, go deal with it some more. And when things are good at home, then they wanna spin their spoons connecting with their partner instead of talking about it. So even though people keep saying they want a group for supporters, it's not really been something that's active even when we've offered it and even when we propped it.
Speaker 2:My friend, Kim, and I have tried hard. We know some beautiful people who are supporters, and they are safe people to help us get that going if people actually want it. But it's been Trixie trying to get it going. But, yes, you can go register for systemspeakcommunity.com and let us know that you're wanting a supporters group, and we can add you to that. It's pretty quiet, though.
Speaker 2:Shay. Oh, my friends. You guys, it's Shay's. Shay said, I was listening to the emails episode that aired on 09/08/2023, and I heard you all do a shout out to me. Whoo.
Speaker 2:Yay, Shay's. Shay says, I thank you truly. I still listen every week, and, yes, I am safe. Oh, and then she shares some things I think are more personal, and I don't have direct permission to share them, so I'm gonna leave that out. But they say, I'm still here and listening and still so proud of you for continuing your journey with the podcast and self discovery.
Speaker 2:It's crazy, isn't it? Self discovery. Crazy scary and also crazy amazing and liberating. I get goosebumps and joy for you knowing that you are cared about and tended to and able to be your authentic self. Oh, it's gonna make me cry.
Speaker 2:Shay's. Thank you for sharing Jules with us and tell her thank you for her insight that she brings as well. So glad that you have her, and it just makes me smile. Although I am sorry to hear about your foot and ankle break, by the way. Oh, let me tell you about the foot because I also have, like, a hundred other emails.
Speaker 2:How is the foot? How is the foot? How is the foot? I appreciate you so much checking. Here's the update on the foot.
Speaker 2:I did have my surgeries. I'm saying that because I don't know what else you know. I did have my surgeries on my foot. Recovery has been very, very slow and frustrating. There's been a lot of grief with that because it is not the same.
Speaker 2:There was one more piece that they needed to do surgery on, but could not because it required an MRI, which I could not get because of my cochlear implants. And so because of that, there's a piece that they've not been able to fix, and so it did not heal all the way properly as it could. And so it is taking a lot of physical therapy. At the time of I'm recording this, it has been about six months. I can now walk about a mile and a half very slowly.
Speaker 2:I am also doing an elliptical, which I got off of marketplace. Thank you, Laura Brown. I got off marketplace for only $45, and it was brand new. And Jules helped us bring it home. It's amazing.
Speaker 2:I'm so grateful. I'm doing that about every other day. It took me a very slow start up on that as well. I at first, I could only do it twice a week or even once a week, and it took, like, all those other days to recover. It would hurt so bad.
Speaker 2:Like, my foot was angry. But now I can do it about every other day. And then on the opposite days, I walk about a mile and a half or so. And so that is feeling so much better, but I still have to be careful. And it is still very tender and very tired, and it's also because of that piece they weren't able to fix.
Speaker 2:So, basically, there's a piece of, like, broken bone floating in there, basically. And so if I don't set it down just right, either when I'm sitting or when I'm walking, then it hurts really badly or causes problems. I also have new pops and creaks and snaps that happen in my leg, which is a bit of a surreal experience and sometimes painful. However, that being said, I am so grateful for the physical therapy. I'm grateful for my job that had benefits so I could do that.
Speaker 2:I am grateful for being able to be outside and move even a little bit. Even if I'm very slow, I have not yet been able to do running again. I have not yet been able to, even do all of the stretches I usually do because it's just taking time to heal that. So I'm following instructions. I'm trying really hard.
Speaker 2:My body is starting to feel better just from being more balanced off the scooter and then off the crutches and out of the boot. There's still a brace, a small brace that I can wear part of the time. But we're getting there. So, yes, thank you for asking. Going back to Shay's, Shay says, the most recent podcast that hit the deepest part of me was the recent religious trauma episode.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness. I saved it and just stood there, unblinking, thinking this. I needed this so badly. So thank you for that. It gave my soul air after holding its breath for so long, and it gave words to something I did not know how to express.
Speaker 2:It hurt, it soothed, and I needed to feel both. Oh, Shay's, that is so powerful, needing to feel both. I just wanna hold space for that, and I'm so grateful for your message. Shay says, thank you for remembering me and sending that shout out. It came at a good time.
Speaker 2:I'm still here and will continue to listen and cheer you on from a distance. Oh, thank you so much. They said you're quite a busy human, but congrats on the new job and the new home and the new therapist so much, and you deserve all the good things. Oh, that's so kind. Thank you.
Speaker 2:We love us some shays. Super excited to hear from them. Hope that we see them again. And you guys, I we just become so close in the community. And when people finish up for a season or take a break for a season or or, go do their own stuff or their own therapies for a season, like, whatever the reasons are, like, we miss them.
Speaker 2:Our hearts are with them. We are thinking of you. We don't forget about you. And, like, I don't track you down because that's rude. That's intrusive.
Speaker 2:But, oh, my heart love you people so much. Thank you, Shay's, for checking in. Elspeth says, dear system speak, I was finally in a place where I was ready to listen to the series of episodes about religious trauma. What a gift. Just wow.
Speaker 2:You handed me the blueprints of how I came to believe that I am the most awful person ever. My beliefs about myself were built from those blueprints, but the blueprints were there well before I was even born. They were never even about me. A while ago, my therapist made a comment about religion and attach cry and how they go to get wait. What?
Speaker 2:My therapist made a comment about how religion and attach cry go together. I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. How religion and attach cry go together. They said, I can't even remember the specific word she used, but this one little comment rocked everything in my spiritual world. The foundations of everything I thought I knew caved in.
Speaker 2:I was so angry with her, but she's right. The churches I grew up in were full of people stuck in attach cry, and the hierarchies were designed to exploit this. You guys are gonna be sick. It's painful and confusing to wrestle with trying to figure out how much of my faith is trauma based and separating spirituality from religion. There is so much grief there.
Speaker 2:It is so helpful to have the blueprints of the ruins while I survey the damage and figure out what and how to rebuild. Thanks for that. Well, thanks a lot for your email too. It's like karmic payback right there. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:That is brutal, and I'm going to have to print that and spend some time sitting with it. That just makes me nauseous. Oh my goodness. Attach cry. So for those of you new to religious drama, you've not been listening to last year.
Speaker 2:When you are doing this work that they are talking about, that is called deconstruction. And then when you're doing the part that they're saying about what to what and how to rebuild, then that's reconstruction. So you sort of take apart all of the things you think that you know to see what you want to keep and how it actually fits together with who you are and rebuild that. There may not be anything you wanna keep, and that's okay. But you rebuild it in a healthier way so that the parts of whatever your faith tradition is or non faith or interfaith, like, whatever that looks like is reconstructed in a way that is a healthy expression and healthy experience for you.
Speaker 2:And I'm just talking about the word deconstruction because that's a lot safer than whatever I felt when they were talking about attach cry. Oh my goodness. Seriously, so grateful for that message. Nick says, first of all, I just wanted to say words and can't express how grateful I am for the gift you have offered the world in your writing and speaking. I have been moved to tears many times by your work.
Speaker 2:I wanted to share first a few words of gratitude and then ask a question. But I know your time is valuable, so if the part is too long, feel free to skip to the last paragraph. Oh, that's sweet. That's no. You guys, you don't bother me with the emails.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it takes me a while to reply, and sometimes it's a dance to figure out what actually goes on the podcast and what's just for me, what's just for you, or what we've already talked about. So I'm sorry that I can't read all of the emails, but please please know that I'm always glad to receive them. It does not give me work in a bad way. It does not hard for me. I am so grateful to hear about what is happening in your life and to get to know you.
Speaker 2:And there are so many of us that have become friends from even these original emails. Like, in real life, we can say. Right? We've been doing meetups since the pandemic. And now that I've gotten to even meet some of you, like, it's so powerful.
Speaker 2:It's so powerful. I know it's hard for most of us to take up space in the world, but I'm so glad you are here, and I'm so glad when you message me. They say, I am a young therapist who stumbled into complex trauma and dissociation about a year ago. Well, welcome to the club. They said, since then, I have had the privilege of listening to the podcast regularly and following your footnotes, continuing to read voraciously whatever I can get my hands on related to CPTSD and dissociative disorders, including your compilation on the shelf nearest my desk.
Speaker 2:Oh, thanks. Joining the ISSTD. Well done. Receiving consultation and definitely intend to get more. Oh, pick me.
Speaker 2:I do consultations. The link is on the community page, systemspeakcommunity.com. The bottom right corner, I think, that click on that picture, and you can sign up for consultations with me. We have several kinds of consultations. I can meet with just the therapist.
Speaker 2:I can meet with the therapist and the person, or I can meet with just the person kind of in a coaching way. I cannot be a therapist for you if you are in the community, just to be clear on that. But as far as consultations, I am happy to do consultations. I have stalled on that for a really long time because I wanted to make sure that I was in a good place and had my own good support before I was doing that, but I am in a beautiful place. I mean, therapy sucks.
Speaker 2:Therapy is hard and awful, but I'm very safe with my therapist. I'm very safe in my therapist's office, and I'm in a good, good place with that even though also it's very, very hard, maybe harder than it's ever been because it's more real than it's ever been. Does that make sense? So consultations bring it. Let's do this.
Speaker 2:Discovering the DES, the mid, and the skid. Oh, yeah. All the assessment tools and testing. Right? And beginning to learn how to implement them in an ethical and attuned way.
Speaker 2:Listen to you. Deciding on which organization to do specialized training with and begun budgeting for this. Do our classes. Jules and I start teaching in January. So it has been quite a year now that I say that all at once.
Speaker 2:I should also note that you and others' vulnerability has helped me to stop denying, avoiding, and fearing my own dissociative adaptions to my own trauma, which I hope is the first step to healing in some areas I have been stuck in in a long time. Good for you. I mean that. All of that to say, thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you for what you have given survivors, their loved ones, and their therapist. So finally, my question. Do you know if the me, not me, and we workbook will be available again? I've heard great things about it, but sadly, it is sold out or removed from all the online stores where I had seen it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it sold out, like, completely. The entire printing sold out, which is amazing. And I am super grateful, and I'm glad that it was helping people, but it completely sold out. So they have done a second printing. I only did two tiny edits, so don't worry.
Speaker 2:It's the same as before. I do have plans, but that's a different story. That workbook is still the same, and, it's available if you go to systemspeakcommunity.com. The lower left hand, I think, is the link for the book. And we even put some of the kids' books up there too because people were asking and using and connecting them anyway.
Speaker 2:So those are there if it's helpful. But, yeah, you can get the workbook there as well. Thanks, Nick. I have an email from Jamie and Jess and the rest of that family. Those people, that's all they wanna say is just a shout out to you.
Speaker 2:Got your email. Thank you for it very much. And and I just wanted you to know that I see you, I hear you, and thank you for writing. Anne's shares. Emma and Jules.
Speaker 2:Okay. Do you know we actually Jules and I actually got to meet Anne's in person. If you remember, Anne's did the episode where we talked about Syria and Turkey and the earthquakes and all of that. So they get deployed in a different role, but in a very similar job to what I get deployed at or before this job that I have now, but I'm kind of helping in a different role, I guess. But, anyway, after everything happened in The Middle East that was so intense, it still is.
Speaker 2:I know it's not over, and I don't mean to get sidetracked. But I was really, really struggling, and Anne's just happened to be traveling through. And they were so brave and asked if we could connect. And so Jules and I invited them over. And you guys, it was such a lovely evening.
Speaker 2:The four kids were here. Jules was here. And in fact, the kids had talked Jules into making shrimp tacos for us, which is one of the things that is a Jules specialty, by the way. They're amazing. We love them.
Speaker 2:The kids love them. So when she is coming, we're like, let's have shrimp tacos that night. So I was super anxious about having a guest, But we had her to our home. We had them for dinner. We got to talk about deployment.
Speaker 2:The kids were like, okay. We're gonna go while you talk about your thoughts and feelings, and they went and did another thing, played a game. But Jules and Anz and us got to just sit down and talk about what life is like over there, what deployment is like. It was so helpful in two ways. One was I had a level of attunement that I cannot explain or describe for being able to express what it is like to love the people there and all of this be going on, to have lived there and have all of this going on.
Speaker 2:And just to share stories and connect, I don't know if I've ever had that outside of a formal debriefing. Like, maybe this is why we're supposed to have friends, But you guys, it was so good for me. The other thing that was really good was actually being able to connect with Jules about what deployment is like because it's really hard for me. Like, I don't mean to shut off that part of my life, but it's really hard to open up about it. And to have someone else who was there and understanding and to be exchanging stories and share that part of my life with Jules, it was just really powerful.
Speaker 2:And it was such perfect timing. Like, we could not have planned that better if we had done it intentionally. And so I'm so glad it worked out. And, Anne, thank you so much for coming. It was really lovely.
Speaker 2:They said, Emma and Jules, you all rocked our worlds with the fawning episodes. Oh my goodness. You guys' fawning ruined my life. It just made me have hard conversations with Nathan, which you heard in the codependent no more episodes. You heard about that.
Speaker 2:It made me set boundaries with a friendship that then ended up costing that friendship. Like, I lost a friendship because I was trying to learn how to be open and flexible and also set boundaries instead of fawning, which impacts consent for everything. Right? Like, at any level for anything. And so I have grieved that friendship that I lost, like, for six months now, and it's just oh my heart.
Speaker 2:And then with the children, like, recognizing when they are just doing what they think is right or when I'm just doing things with them, but I shouldn't. Like, I canceled their phone plans and got them a different kind of phone because I can't do that. I can't do what they were wanting me to do. I'm like, if you want that phone, you need to get a job. And you like, I just started cleaning house, and it was messy.
Speaker 2:So, you guys, I'm still mad about the fawning episodes just so you know. Thanks a lot, Jules. And said, I can't even. Thank you both for your courage. I have listened to the original podcast that you referenced twice and all three of your two point o, three point o, and four point o podcasts about fawning twice.
Speaker 2:Girl, I don't even know what to do about that. That is that is some work right there. It makes me wonder if I actually did have trauma and that I haven't bent towards fawning, said with so much sarcasm. Thank you for your courage in taking this to therapy. So grateful for you.
Speaker 2:Oh, and we love you. Thank you so much. Also, thanks for the grape leaves. Carl shares. Hi, Emma, Sasha, doctor e, John Mark, MK, and everybody else in your inside family and outside family.
Speaker 2:I've been listening to your podcast for nearly two months, and I love it. Without having met any of you, I can already say that each of you is a wonderful, brave, delightful, strong, beautiful soul. Your system is amazingly blessed with much talent, artists, musicians, and it seems to me that Emma may be a poet in her soul. Okay. Doctor e, thank you for your brilliant discussion about various topics pertaining to trauma and DID.
Speaker 2:I'm a psychotherapist too in private practice, and your episodes have helped me gain a better understanding. Sasha, your delightful candor, authenticity, sense of humor, big heart, and infectious laugh just light me up. You know what, Carl? You are good with the adjectives. John Mark, we would have been best buddies if we had known each other when John Mark, we would have been best buddies if we had known each other when I was your age.
Speaker 2:Nevertheless, even though I'm 62 years old, you bring out the adventurous and brave boy in me. You are all a precious gift to the world, and thank you for bravely and honestly sharing your stories with me and the world. K. Those were adverbs. I see what you did there.
Speaker 2:No. This is I'm not mocking. I'm just trying to absorb. Right? Like, it's so hard to receive how other people see you, especially when it's good.
Speaker 2:Like, to to let that in and to sit with it is kinda slippery. Carl, your words were very kind. Thank you so much. Also, I think this came in the community, and we have permission to share it. But I wanna make sure, Carl, if you hear this, that you get over to the systemspeakcommunity.com.
Speaker 2:I know I keep saying it, but it keeps coming up because we do have the clinicians group there. So if you would like to join us there, please send me a message. I guess another message. Kate says, I'm writing while listening to the Dante episode. You are not bad.
Speaker 2:You have ovaries for being able to talk about religious trauma on the podcast. I'm with Jules. I don't mind the emails I've written being left up. To be honest, I don't even remember what I've written into the podcast. You guys, if you're in the community, you know Kate.
Speaker 2:And let me tell you, Kate is one of the first people that emailed in the beginning, one of the first people that found it. I don't know what our timing was, but I felt like Kate was one of the first people that I knew and that I was so excited and hoped to meet in the community. And when they were there day one, I was so grateful. So way to be a sunflower, Kate. Danielle says, hello, Emma and all.
Speaker 2:I just listened to your Dante episode and felt compelled to send you some positivity your way. I have been listening for about two years now, and this is my first time writing in. Oh, Danielle, welcome. Okay. So then they share some information that's private.
Speaker 2:I wanna keep that private. And then they said, I wanted to go into some of the latest controversy. I'm so sorry you have gotten all that hate mail. Came as a shock when you came out on the podcast. It was really overwhelming because it triggered stuff for me.
Speaker 2:Then my new therapist was incapable of having a nuanced conversation about it. But I want you to know I was able to handle it. I have skipped some episodes recently because it was too much. Everyone is capable of doing that. I have adjusted to hearing about your new life, and I love hearing your conversations with Jules.
Speaker 2:She sounds awesome. I want you to know that I still listen to your podcast because I feel safe to see things differently than you do and to make different choices. You are so nuanced and thoughtful in the way you examine issues, and I appreciate that so much. I hope you remember that you are not responsible for what people feel about your podcast or certain episodes. You don't make them listen.
Speaker 2:They are free to skip episodes the same as I do. We are picky about what we listen to and watch because we can often feel pressured to give up what is important to us in our faith. We often feel misunderstood because we come from a small faith tradition that is often misunderstood. Offhanded comments are deeply hurtful and dismissive of our experience. Our faith and our relationship with God got us through so much.
Speaker 2:Our beliefs made us much more resistant, and that is hard for many to understand. We are not going to give up our faith because of how others perceive it. We see the unaddressed issues in our religion and want to be there for a healing from within. We have faith the organization can resolve the issues that have allowed all of this. That is our choice.
Speaker 2:I explain all of this to say that I do not get that misunderstood or dismissed feeling when I listen to your podcast. Even though there is a lot of ways that my belief system differs from yours, I still feel so understood when I listen to you. Your insights help us sort a lot in our own story. I hope you can understand what a compliment that is. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
Speaker 2:This email says, I listened to the podcast today on Dante. As always, we love, love, love hearing your voice, honesty, and vulnerability. Your story of what happened to you and how you react and are recovering has been a source of inspiration and hope. We have DID, and we're afraid to tell anyone. When our therapist told us about DID, we found your podcast and have listened to every podcast and many of them more than once.
Speaker 2:I don't know how you guys do this. Some of you who relisten to episodes, like, I can't listen the first time. You gave us the courage to believe it is okay to be as we are. And then some private information about parts. We want to tell you how much we appreciate your service of letting us know it is okay to have DID.
Speaker 2:We don't identify with the ones who are flashy on YouTube. We love your honesty and your vulnerability. You help us to accept that we are an imperfect human being. You guys are absolutely imperfect, and I'm happy to be here to model imperfection for you. That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness. Thank you, Debbie, for writing in. Amy says, I've been listening to the Dante episode. I'm so sorry that you have only been receiving hate mail. That is very upsetting to hear because what you offer the world, particularly fellow survivors, supporters, and clinicians, is incredibly valuable and worthwhile.
Speaker 2:It's priceless. K. You guys, I got this email already, but I had to cry first before I could read it. I've been a longtime listener but haven't yet thanked you for the incredible impact you have had and continue to have in my life. When I first started listening to your podcast, I didn't have a clear diagnosis.
Speaker 2:Now I do, and I have such difficult acknowledging and accepting that I have DID. Listening to your experiences helps me feel less alone. It's very relatable when you describe losing the pieces that you want to take to therapy or the moment you realize something important or hard, and it slips out of your mind as soon as it starts to become clear. Precisely. It's bloody hard.
Speaker 2:I just wanted to thank you with kindness, Amy. Amy, thank you so much for writing in. It helps so much to know when others understand. Oh, this message is from MultiMeze. So another one from the community from before.
Speaker 2:Hey. Shout out to MultiMeze. We miss you. This says, just wanted to remind you even through everything to embrace those within. Because not only do they make your system, they make your system stronger.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. I think that's a good reminder for all of us. Yeah? My friend, Ian. I wanna tell you about my friend, Ian.
Speaker 2:My friend, Ian, is amazing and hilarious and awesome. And they wrote into the podcast and said, we heard you're getting a bunch of bad emails and not enough good ones, so we thought we'd send you a good one. It's pretty bad when people are just being stupid instead of realizing what you do is super important. Anyway, we're your friends and like your podcast a lot. Thanks so much, Ian.
Speaker 2:A thousand shout outs to my friend, Ian. Love you so much, Ian, and thank you for cheering us on. This email says, I just listened to your Dante episode. You guys, so many emails about Dante, probably the top emailed episode ever, which is huge because it was so scary to share. So once again, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:So they said, I just listened to your Dante episode. I'm so grateful for your courage and sharing with us. Everything you share connects new things for me. While I do not have religious trauma, these episodes have highlighted a lot about betrayal trauma for me. This is a good point, and I love this so much.
Speaker 2:Like, we don't have to have the same issues. It's okay if your issues are different than my issues. It's okay if your stuff shows up different than my stuff. It's okay if your people or parts or alters or whatever you call them are different or look different or talk different or say different or have different experiences than mine. We are different people with different experiences, and that's entirely valid.
Speaker 2:We still learn from each other, and I love that so much. They said, your work has helped me so much in understanding my own mind and the minds of others. I have found no resource as valuable and as fulfilling as your show. My show. That's funny.
Speaker 2:Gonna have to come back to that. I'm so sorry to hear that you're receiving so much hate. Those people really do need to listen. I know they won't, but their hurt and fear is showing. I wish you, them, and your listeners all the healing they can achieve.
Speaker 2:I heard a quote on nurture that I like. There is no bad deed, only bad soil. You are weeding the soil to help us and yourselves grow. I'm so glad you're still here. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Aw, weeding the soil. I'm gonna think about that. Thank you so much. Andy says, I've been listening to your podcast consistently since 02/2019, and this is the first time I have sent you a message. I have had so many questions and reflections throughout the podcast, but have not been able to articulate questions and thoughts in a way that seems worth sending to you.
Speaker 2:Your words are so worth it, and I'm so glad you shared them with me. Sometimes the thoughts that are simmering are just ineffable. In a recent episode, you talked about how difficult it has been to be receiving mainly discouraging emails, and I'm really sorry you've been on the receiving end of fear and bigotry. I have learned so much from listening to your podcast over the years. I am an early career psychologist in Australia, and without your podcast, I would still have many unchecked misconceptions about DID.
Speaker 2:I have loved listening to the episodes and learning alongside the guests you have on and also following along in you and your system's journey. Hey. You know what, Andes? If you are in Australia, as a clinician, first of all, you could join the community, and I can hook you up there. So find me there.
Speaker 2:But, also, there's some brilliant work happening in Australia. So, definitely, I hope we can connect, and I can help connect you to those people too. Something I'm wondering if you have anything to share about the utility of taking therapy sessions outdoors, like going on a walk if it's a safe and private place or equine assisted therapy by licensed professionals, or what are the advantages and disadvantages might be from your perspective? That's a big question. So my first therapist had listed that she did equine assisted therapy, but never did it with me.
Speaker 2:So I don't know the answer to that. I have twice there are some people at Healing Together that often have a booth that have, talked about this. And I have, like, two or three times asked them to come on the podcast, and it's just never happened. So I don't know if they don't want to or they're just super busy maybe, but, it would be great if someone who does that or was familiar with that wanted to talk about it on the podcast. So I don't really know about that.
Speaker 2:Eco therapy or walk and talk therapy in a safe private place. So first of all, it's really tricksy in America to be safe, period. In Australia, I can see, and I also know that there is some work and some movements with that, so I can but, there's some really specific work and adventure therapy and things that they're working on out there and even studying a bit that I really feel safe with those people, and they have trained through ISSTD. And so I know they've got good perspective and are safe in lots of ways. So just for context, there's that.
Speaker 2:As far as, like, just being in therapy and going for a walk, I can see why at different times that it's been useful, there are pros and cons to that. The obvious cons are that if someone saw you, then, like, confidentiality is blown pretty quick. Right? Some pros that are obvious are that bilateral movement is really good for us. So you could actually do a lot of processing while you're walking.
Speaker 2:I even know some people, Jules, that imagine having treadmills in their office someday and just sort of walking side by side, but inside the office. I don't know. I love nature and fresh air, and I could see how that's helpful. I also have been taken out of the office for other things. Like, one time, my therapist just really wanted ice cream, and there was ice cream across the street.
Speaker 2:And she's like, let's go get ice cream. And, like, took off running, and I had to run to keep up with her. And there were littles involved, and it just was really terrifying, actually. So I'm not sure that that was I don't know. And that therapist is, like, usually really structured.
Speaker 2:This is not my current therapist. It was a previous therapist. And so the level of spontaneity, I don't know. I think you have to be intentional about it. You would have to have the right environment, and I don't know that I can speak to that.
Speaker 2:I think if someone did it well, it could be a beautiful thing. I love nature, but, like, you're not gonna go camping with your therapist. Right? So I would really love to talk about some of this with someone who has some experience and has some context for how they're doing it well and safely because I think there's a lot of healing to be found in nature for sure, and I support that. I also know that a lot of people have pet therapy, like dogs in their offices or things like that, and there's lots of bonuses.
Speaker 2:Laura Brown talks about that on her episode and lots of regulating that that helps with and different things, alerts for switches. There's all kinds of things that are really, really helpful. It can also be a really specific trigger for some people. So, again, I think it's just about consent and ethics and environment are some of the issues you would have to pay attention to. I don't think it's a binary thing where I can say this is good or this is bad.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense? It was an excellent question, and we need some follow-up. I'll work on that. Kat says, Emma, I just listened to Dante and heard that you didn't get nice emails anymore since your Queer Colors episode. I just want you to know how much I love your podcast.
Speaker 2:I started listening in early twenty twenty because my girlfriend has DID, and I stayed because it's helped me unpack my own trauma so much even and especially the dark season of your life. Oh, yeah. That was 2020 because I'm fine now. Psh. It's great.
Speaker 2:I'm proud of you for coming out. As another person with religious trauma who is queer, I know how hard it is. I dated very toxic women, decided to marry a man who was also toxic, and had to come out a second time too. My girlfriend is kind and amazing, and it seems like yours is too. I love hearing how gentle Jules is with you and how supported you are in both relationships as you untangle from your hetero marriage and explore who you really are in all the ways.
Speaker 2:I'm looking forward to meeting you when you come to my city next year. What? They said, you're amazing and lovely and deserve happy words, and I hope this email brought you joy. It did, queer joy. I love listening and get so much value from your experience.
Speaker 2:You are so brave for sharing all of the parts that you share with the world. I have immense gratitude that you do. Oh my goodness. Thank you, Kat. Like, I need to connect.
Speaker 2:Were you in the community before? Are you now? What is this scoop? I need the tea, and I would be delighted to meet you next year. I I am loving that we are doing the meetups.
Speaker 2:It has been powerful, also terrifying, and it has taken some practice. But I think it is so, so good for us, and I would I would be thrilled to meet you all. Thank you so much. This email says, I am sorry when my English is not okay. It's not my native language.
Speaker 2:I am Dutch. Hey. You know what? We have a lot of Dutch listeners actually, so I just wanna give a shout out to all the Dutch. And I'm so grateful for the support, really.
Speaker 2:They said, I listened to your podcast. I started from the beginning. It has helped a lot. Because we only have this, and the things you say are so spot on, It's sometimes spooky that you are working on exactly the same issues as I am, but it gives me a sort of peace that I'm not the only one. Hey.
Speaker 2:Did you guys know that there's a word for that? It is called parallel process, When we're experiencing similar things and that's because dissociation works in similar ways, right, even when our stories are different. And so when there's a similar thing happening with us, that's called parallel process. They said, now I think you need a little bit of your listeners' help. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:You guys, I actually had to take a break because this email made me weep. And so thank you for the Dutch for making me cry like you had to. Make me cry. Okay. So coming back to what they said.
Speaker 2:Now I think this time, you need a little bit of help from your listeners. I think you got so much positive email and gift boxes that an email from me would mean nothing for you, but maybe now it does. You were talking about only getting bad emails and nothing positive anymore. Your podcast is beautiful, and you have courage. All the podcast long, I thought, it's your podcast, only yours, and only you decide what to do with it.
Speaker 2:You decide what to post and what not to post. You decide what your intro is and what it's not. You decide. These are your boundaries. Still trying not to cry again.
Speaker 2:Also, you're human. I heard you struggle with what everyone thinks of you, and I thought, how brave are they? All those stupid people who are trying to influence you and trying to make you feel bad. You're just you, and you're good at being you, and that's okay. Just keep being you.
Speaker 2:You're doing oh my goodness. You're doing the best you can. You make a positive difference in people's lives. You don't have to do that, but you do. But remember, you don't have to.
Speaker 2:You have to be there for your kids. That's all. I know. That's a lot too. Some episodes ago, you told people to start listening at the beginning, and you also opened a platform for people to meet each other.
Speaker 2:You also said in an episode, people write me because of something I'm struggling with, but I post my episodes a lot later. So I don't struggle with it anymore when I do post. Those aren't exactly your words, but that's how I said it. Now you don't get the positive email anymore. I think it's because of all that.
Speaker 2:The new people are not here yet. A lot of people are on your platform. And I, for example, thought she's so busy. It doesn't add anything if I would email her. So I'm glad you talked about this, and now I will write you because I think you need to know just at this moment, it's your podcast.
Speaker 2:You decide what to do with it. And also know all episodes add something for someone. I really like to listen to you finding your way because you struggle like I struggle, and you are also dedicated to make your life better. And sometimes that's hard, and there's a break that's needed. And I like listening to the email episodes because there are more people like us, and I love hearing what other people have to say too and to everything.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, the movie episodes were not my kind of thing because I don't have the energy to look at all of the movies. But there are people who love them. If you love the first intro the most, please get it back. People can fast forward. You were right about that.
Speaker 2:It's your party, and if people don't wanna come, so be it. You don't need them. I think you do need to be respectful of the people who write to you. And I think you made one mistake and then beat yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes.
Speaker 2:What matters is the actions that follow. You said sorry for it. You explained it. What more can you do? No one is perfect.
Speaker 2:You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to apologize for a mistake from years ago. I'm glad you have your girlfriend and Nathan and the children. Sweet girl, I'm so proud of you. You all did this.
Speaker 2:You found so many people around you. It's the dissociation that cuts the cord so that you don't feel them and makes you feel so alone. But your people are there. You're not alone, and still sometimes you are because of the dissociation. As one of your listeners, I see you.
Speaker 2:Your struggle, your courage, your beauty, you falling into pieces and finding ways to repair. You don't know me, but there are lots of people like me listening to you. I'm sure of it. We hear you. We want the best for you, and I hope the stupid people leave you alone.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness. I'm not entitled to anything. But, no, when you put an episode up, I will hear you. That helps me see you. You exist.
Speaker 2:You're entitled to exist. When you sell your books, you should keep the money instead of giving it all away. Do something you need with it or something just because you can't. Stop spending all of your money on everybody else. It's your book and you're entitled to anything from it.
Speaker 2:And you're entitled to love, to have things, to be happy, and to exist. You like music, and you express yourself with it. I tried to find a song to let you know you're not alone in this. I wish you all the best. My heart.
Speaker 2:And they sent me the song, Gabriela's song, from as it is in heaven, which is a Swedish movie. So let me read the lyrics in English. It is now that my life is mine. I've got this short time on earth, and my longing has brought me here. All I lacked and all I gained.
Speaker 2:And yet it's the way that I chose. My trust was far beyond words that has shown me a little bit of the heaven I've never found. I want to feel I'm alive. All my living days, I will live as I desire. I want to feel I'm alive knowing I was good enough.
Speaker 2:I've never lost who I was. I have only left it sleeping. Maybe I never had a choice, just the will to stay alive. All I want is to be happy, being who I am, to be strong and to be free, to see day arise from night. I am here, and my life is only mine.
Speaker 2:And the heaven I thought was there, I'll discover it there somewhere. I want to feel that I've lived my life.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. Your support really helps us feel less alone while we sort through all of this and learn together. Maybe it will help you in some ways too. You can connect with us on Patreon by going to our website at www.systemspeak.org. If there's anything we've learned, it's that connection brings healing.
Speaker 1:We look forward to connecting with
Speaker 2:you.