I was recently exchanging emails with someone who was struggling to change some unhelpful behaviors.
He wrote: “I do really well for a couple of days and then I go totally off the rails again. It’s such a vicious cycle. I just need to be be more disciplined.”
And if there is something that you are struggling to change, you’ve probably thought the same thing. But I don’t think summoning up more discipline is necessarily the answer.
In this episode, I’m talking with someone who found a better way to create positive change and momentum–which led to dramatic improvements in her health.
As you listen, think about how the specifics of her translate into whatever you’re working on and the kind of effort you are applying to that work.
Key Takeaways
Instead of focusing on the behaviors you’re trying to change, take a look at the thoughts and beliefs that are driving these behaviors.
When it comes to lasting behavior change, self-awareness will get you a lot further than will power.
If you are frustrated with your results, ask yourself if you are happy with the effort that you are putting in to create them.
Being able to ask for (and accept) help or support is an under-rated super power
Offering support to others is a great way to access wisdom and insight that can be applied to your own situation.
Overcoming unhelpful behaviors and the vicious cycle
Introducing Patricia and her journey to better health
Patricia's decision to join the Weight Loss Coaching Program
The realization that thoughts are not necessarily true
Making the commitment to the program and embracing experimentation
Appreciating the increased awareness of choices and agency
Temptations to give up and the importance of renewed commitment
The Importance of Consistent Engagement and Motivation
Returning to the Material and Working at Your Own Pace
Taking Control of Your Health and Rewriting Old Stories
Pursuing a Healthier, Well-rounded Life
Excitement for the Future and Shared Journey
I was recently exchanging emails with someone who was struggling to change some unhelpful behaviors.
He wrote: “I do really well for a couple of days and then I go totally off the rails again. It’s such a vicious cycle. I just need to be be more disciplined.”
And if there is something that you are struggling to change, you’ve probably thought the same thing. But I don’t think summoning up more discipline is necessarily the answer.
In this episode, I’m talking with someone who found a better way to create positive change and momentum–which led to dramatic improvements in her health.
As you listen, think about how the specifics of her translate into whatever you’re working on and the kind of effort you are applying to that work.
Key Takeaways
Instead of focusing on the behaviors you’re trying to change, take a look at the thoughts and beliefs that are driving these behaviors.
When it comes to lasting behavior change, self-awareness will get you a lot further than will power.
If you are frustrated with your results, ask yourself if you are happy with the effort that you are putting in to create them.
Being able to ask for (and accept) help or support is an under-rated super power
Offering support to others is a great way to access wisdom and insight that can be applied to your own situation.
Monica Reinagel has been helping people create healthier lives for more than 15 years through her Nutrition Diva podcast, books, online coaching programs and in-person workshops. As a licensed and board-certified nutritionist, her approach is grounded in science but is also practical and realistic. Monica is also a former professional opera singer.
Editor
Brock Armstrong
Brock has been working in audio since the 1980s (the late 1980s to be sure) and has focussed his expertise on podcasting since 2007.
What is Change Academy?
Learn how to cultivate a more productive mindset, form sustainable habits, and create a lifestyle that supports both your goals and your wellbeing with host, Monica Reinagel. Drawing on decades of expertise and experience, Monica provides guidance on navigating the challenging process of behavior change in a fun and accessible way. Learn more and find show notes for every episode at https://changeacademypodcast.com
Monica:
I was exchanging emails with someone over the weekend who was struggling with some unhelpful behaviors. In his case, it was about overeating, but it could just as easily have been overspending, overdrinking, overworking, procrastinating, Any of the many, many ways we find to undermine our health and our well-being. And he wrote, I do really well for a couple of days, and then I go totally off the rails again. It is such a vicious cycle. I just that need to be more disciplined.
Monica:
And if there's something that you are struggling to change, I bet you've thought the same thing. But I actually don't think that being more disciplined is necessarily the answer. And today, I'm talking with someone who found a better way to create positive change and momentum, which led to some dramatic improvements in her health.
Announcer:
Alright. Alright. If you want, take your seats or lace up your sneaks. We're about to get started.
Monica:
Welcome to the Change Academy podcast. I'm your host, Monica Reinagle. And in this show, we talk about what it takes to create healthier mindsets and habits in our own lives as well as how we can create healthier communities and workplaces. Whether you're working on your own health and well-being or promoting healthy behaviors is your job. We're gonna talk about what works, what's hard, what's needed, and what's next.
Monica:
Let's jump in. Today, I want you to meet Patricia. She's one of our clients in the Way Less program, which, by the way, is now once again open for new members. If you'd like to join us, all the details are at way less dot life slash enroll. But it was such a pleasure to support Patricia in her work in the program.
Monica:
She really embodied this quality of compassionate curiosity, something that we're always talking about and striving for, and she really applied that both toward her own process and toward the other people in the community. And it made this work so much more relaxed and joyful, and as you'll hear, so much more successful than it is when we're just trying to clamp down on ourselves and be more disciplined. I think it's so helpful to see this modeled, and I want you to hear about it from someone besides me. So here is my conversation with Patricia. And, always, as you listen, I invite you to think about How the specifics of this story and this conversation translate into whatever you're working on, and the kind of effort or attitude that you are currently applying to that work.
Monica:
Welcome to the Change Academy podcast, Patricia.
Patricia:
Thank you. Happy to be here.
Monica:
So almost a year ago now, you decided to join our weight loss coaching program, which of course is focused on sustainable weight loss. And I remember at the very beginning, you said you wanted to explore some of the beliefs and the thought patterns that you had around food that just didn't feel healthy to you. I have to tell you, at the time, I was really impressed Because most of the people who come into our work together are focused, especially at the beginning, they're either focused on the behaviors that they wanna change or a goal that they have for this work. And in this case, that's often a weight loss goal. And one of the things that we do in the program as you now know is to start peeling back the layers on those goals and those behaviors to investigate the beliefs that are driving them, but you were already there.
Monica:
So how did you know that those stories, those beliefs were the thing that you wanted to work on, the thing that needed to change in order to then create new behaviors and the results that you wanted to see.
Patricia:
I'm a regular meditator. The meditation that I do is noticing thoughts as well as other thing and The realization that these thoughts are not necessarily true.
Monica:
Right.
Patricia:
They may be present. They may be persistent, But they don't necessarily need to be followed.
Monica:
So you were very much primed with that experience as you came into this program, and that gave you Such a leg up, I think, in doing the work that we were doing together.
Patricia:
Right. Right. I think that there would have been a different starting place For me, had I not already come to the realization that my behaviors, even if they seemed Pretty automatic were still probably a result of some thoughts that I was having. Mhmm. Some belief system.
Monica:
Right. And sometimes we have to work with people for several months just to get to that starting point. So you obviously came in with a little bit of forward momentum, and you did end up rewriting some of those stories. But before we talk about what's changed for you over the last year that we've been working together. I wanna take you back to that moment when you were trying to decide, should I do this?
Monica:
Is this a good fit for me? Was that an easy decision for you or a tough one to decide to to make this commitment to this program?
Patricia:
It was a little bit of a tough decision. It wasn't something that I took lightly. I wanted to try to make the best decision That I could. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just throwing money at a program and saying, okay. This is my next attempt.
Patricia:
This is the next thing I'll try to do to get where I wanted to go, and It seemed like a nearly ideal program to be in.
Monica:
What made it seem that way? Approaching
Patricia:
the process from so many different direction, having coaches, having a community, And having a a good nice length of time to implement Mhmm. Mhmm. These approaches and Practice them and experiment.
Monica:
That's so important, the time to experiment, the time to try and maybe stumble back up, try again. And when we're in a in a big hot hurry that we don't have time for that.
Patricia:
Right. Right. And a month long program can seem nice, But a month does pass by pretty quickly.
Monica:
In the context of our entire lives and the patterns that we've Spent years decades reinforcing. Yeah. It it does seem a little unrealistic to think that in a month, we could reverse all that programming and be firmly in a new groove. Well, in any case, I'm so glad that you did feel like the program was such a good fit for you in so many ways because I have to say, you were such a good fit for us. I really admired from the very beginning The ethic that you brought to the work, you were really open to discovery.
Monica:
You were able to bring a lot of curiosity without judgment. Early on within the 1st couple of months, I I remember you commenting that you were really appreciating the increased awareness that you had of choices that were previously invisible to you. You said realizing that I have some agency helps me feel empowered and that increases my resolve. What did you mean by choices that were previously invisible?
Patricia:
Yeah. So I don't think that I had re realized previously That I was making so many small choices that I wasn't cognizant as being choices. So I would Go into the kitchen maybe while I was on a quick work break and Grab the snacks without really giving it much thought or just, you know, even more subtle Decisions that I was making and then behaviors that I didn't realize if I backed up, there was a choice being made there.
Monica:
Right. Which realizing that there are actually choices being made, of course, then opens up a whole world of alternate choices that can be made. But when we don't even see I'm choosing something right now, those alternate choices are are also invisible. Right?
Patricia:
Yes. Exactly. And, you know, the same thing applies to how I move throughout the day. So not just food, But if I wasn't thinking about it, then I would sit at my desk all day, but then realizing that There are other options and there are other choices, then I can be more dynamic and change my position throughout the day.
Monica:
Yeah. Which just pays off in so many ways. Well, in any long term project like this, I think almost everyone has a moment or moments when they're tempted to give up. And I don't know if you ever really got to point where you attempted to completely throw in the towel. But I but I do remember about 4 months in, you did have a little bit of a sort of comeuppance because you wrote in the form, I've experienced a backslide of sorts, and I know that most weeks, I'm not putting forth the effort to match the results I'd like to see.
Monica:
So kind of completing that loop. Right? The the, the outcome is actually the result of, you know, of the choices that I'm making. So when you kind of saw that for what it was, you sort of renewed your commitment to some of the practices that we had suggested Said that you had earlier in the program, you said, I was originally kind of resistant to that, but maybe it's time to lean in to those practices. When you look back on that now, does that feel like a turning point?
Patricia:
There was no point in this program where I thought this isn't going the way I wanted. Why don't I just Quit. Why don't I step away? That didn't happen, but I did at the time, wonder, am I putting the effort or that is needed to get to where I want or rather, am I happy with the effort that I'm putting forth? Am I going to finish the program with some regret as to the effort that I put in while I was in the program with the supportive coaches and the community.
Monica:
Really good questions to ask.
Patricia:
Right. Because Life changes, things come up, and, of course, there's naturally going to be some weeks or days or a month when We just can't put in the same amount of time and effort, but the tools are always there. You know, the way it was presented, You can always go back and do a topic again.
Monica:
You
Patricia:
can refresh yourself. You can then, You know, double time for a while and do more.
Monica:
Just to be clear to people listening, it's not like This was a 2, 3, 4 hours a week kind of a homework situation. I mean, the in a way, the amount of time required is fairly Minimal, but without sort of consistent application, it gets away from you. You know, you have to kind of continue I like the way you said that you kind of continue to return to it and and refresh your engagement and your your motivation, you know. But it wasn't really a matter of, like, I Just didn't have that 6 hours this week. Right?
Patricia:
Right. No. It was nothing like that. It really Just did require a little bit of set aside time Mhmm. Where you're just giving your attention to that.
Patricia:
And and sometimes a week goes by and you haven't Yeah. Sat down and focused in on the material.
Monica:
But then you come back.
Patricia:
But then right. But then you come back and I won't say catch up. Then you could come back Reason and and work at your own pace.
Monica:
Yeah. Well, it reminds me a lot of, meditation instructions where you realize that your mind has drifted and maybe you realize, oh, it started drifting quite a few minutes ago. I think that but at that point, you just return. You just return to the object of your focus And it's not the fact that your that your attention wavered or that your focus wavered. All that matters is that when you realized it, you come back.
Monica:
You That can happen as often as needed.
Patricia:
Right. You can always start again.
Monica:
Right. Right. Because we are never actually finished with this work. Right? This is a a process by which we learn to understand what is driving our choices and our behaviors and to the extent that they are not creating the outcomes we want to create, how do we how do we align them?
Monica:
And as you just said, life is constantly changing. So that's Going to be an ongoing process always. Yeah. Exactly. Okay.
Monica:
I wanna zip forward in time because just a couple of months ago, you shared with the group that you had gotten some good news from your doctor and that for the first time in quite a while, many, many years, You actually were not in that category that is described as prediabetic. It was kind of a big deal. Tell me What what that meant for you?
Patricia:
Yeah. It meant a lot to be able to see the concrete numbers and see I have some control Mhmm. Over what's going on with my body. Yeah. And I think a lot of times we don't feel that way, that we have control and we're struggling and having Kind of a a losing battle with our bodies.
Patricia:
And and and so this was A way for me to really kind of gain some confidence about the possibilities of what I could do.
Monica:
Right. And not through some really strict or heroic regimen, but just from consistently applying those small modifications that it could have that dramatic an impact.
Patricia:
Yes. And, notably, it wasn't it wasn't something really difficult for me to do. Really, the hurdle was just being that I could do this, that this is an option of something that I could do. Mhmm. And getting around my prior beliefs about it was the the biggest part of it.
Monica:
Yeah. I wanna talk about that because you were doing some experimentation around meal timing. And and then you said You had to rewrite a story that you had been telling yourself for 25 years, namely that for you, for your body, you need to eat really often or you're going to suffer and everyone around you is going to suffer. And you kind of wondered whether that might be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy that that Story about needing to eat frequently in order to manage your blood sugar might actually be contributing to the blood sugar issues that you were concerned about.
Patricia:
Yes. Exactly. That was such an epiphany that this was not just how I am and how I will always be. This is something I was really causing, and that had never occurred to me before.
Monica:
Wow. And just trying some Things differently to see what would happen was what kind of opened the door for that epiphany. And that's, of course, the antithesis of a situation where you feel like, okay, there is one right way, and I have chosen my my guru, and I am team intermittent fasting or I am team And I you know, it was more that, well, what happens if I do this? What happens if I do that? How do I feel?
Monica:
How does it work? And I think that spirit of experimentation was what made that possible.
Patricia:
Right. Yes. It was it was helpful to be Open to that, and that was a a large part of the coaching that I received was being open to Experimenting. And that puts it in a different perspective, so you're not feeling that you have to commit to something For a long period of time, you could just try something out.
Monica:
Well, I I love what you wrote about this. And in fact, we've all been kind of riffing on this in the form ever since. You You wrote a little note. You said, dear story, we've had our laughs and our drama, but now we must part ways. This is where I leave you.
Monica:
And, yeah, I think we've all been writing those little notes to our stories since then following your example. This is we've had our laughs, but this is where I leave you. How empowering to be able to take a story that had been dominating your story about what was possible for, I think you said, 25 years and be like, okay, we're done. I'm going a different way now.
Patricia:
Yes. That was so much fun.
Monica:
It was fun for us too.
Patricia:
Yes. That was something that I held so closely. I gripped on to so tightly for so long, and it never occurred to me that it was possibly untrue. I think at that point, I realized that there were so many other possibilities possible stories out there that maybe I I'm not as cognizant of. And so now when I I have a certain thought about what I can and can't do, I begin to question that.
Monica:
Well and it's such a gentle way to question it because it's really like, oh, does this belong in the fiction section or in the nonfiction section? You know? It doesn't mean we have to throw the book out. We could just file it correctly, but but there's something about that formulation that is that is so gentle and so forgiving.
Patricia:
Yes. And that's what I kind of like about all of this is there's a kind of tender approach. So we're not berating ourselves for having these stories that maybe aren't built completely on truth, And and that's okay because that's just a human condition.
Monica:
Absolutely. Or perhaps once were true and are not true anymore. Exactly. Patricia, I I have to say, I also really appreciated the way you contributed to the community, our group of of people. You were You're very open about your own process that I which I think was very helpful for other people who might not have felt as able to articulate and very generous in the way you were supportive of others and offered feedback to them when they would bring challenges, or observation.
Monica:
I also really appreciated the fact that you did not hesitate to ask for To ask for input or clarification when you needed it, because that can be surprisingly difficult even when you're in a a situation where that Kinda what you're there for. That is those are the rules of the game and yet sometimes people still find it difficult to ask for support. So that was just so wonderful to see. I wonder you you referenced it, briefly before, but I wonder if you could talk a little bit more about the role that this community environment and and that group support played for you in in your process. You certainly had a very positive impact on on the group.
Patricia:
Well, that's really nice to hear. I I want people to know that they're not alone in their struggle and that someone out there is is listening, And I think that being vulnerable in a space like this can be really helpful because we're we're all trying to feel our way through And being able to see that this is so common Yeah. That we're we're not alone in this. It helps me to feel like I'm providing support to others. That energizes me to put more into this program for myself.
Monica:
And, you know, of course, what we get out of it is directly proportionate to what we put into it. And one of the reasons that I am so attracted to this particular style of of coaching where we have small groups of people who are supporting each other. And in that community is because I feel like went for those who who decide, I wanna show up, I wanna support other people, I wanna just everything that you were just saying. I want people to know that they're not alone, that we share some of these things. In the process, I often see people tap into insight, wisdom, support that they're offering to other people that they can also really use for themselves, but might not have accessed on their own behalf.
Monica:
You know? So it's almost a sort of a stealth way for us to access our the mechanisms that we can use to support ourselves because Sometimes it's easier to offer it to somebody else first.
Patricia:
Yes. Absolutely. I think we we all have These untapped bits of knowledge, and it may be easier to see how they can be applied In someone else's situation first. Yes. And then there's a realization that we can apply it to ourselves too.
Patricia:
So it's a really nice reminder.
Monica:
Exactly. So what's next for you? Do you have other goals, or objectives on your list. I'm I'm curious how you might take the insights that we've worked on in our program over the last year, how you might apply that to the way you pursue your next goals.
Patricia:
Yeah. I I see this as an ongoing process. Mhmm. I'll continue to Look for ways that I can better my life so that I'm living a a healthier, well rounded life, And there are still so many tool that I haven't applied to to my life yet that we have learned Over the last year, and so any habits that I'm wanting to put an end to, Any good habits that I'm wanting to help establish, any tweaks for a healthier life, I know that I can Apply the same tool to those as well.
Monica:
How lovely. Okay. Just a couple fun questions for you. What would today you say, to year ago you. If you could go back in time, what might you want year ago you to know?
Patricia:
I would wanna remind myself that even though the doubts are there, I do have the ability to make healthy changes And to make them in a way that they feel good, that there's no struggle, and that I have so much more potential than I had realized before.
Monica:
Maybe a new story is being written.
Patricia:
Yeah. I like the new story. I
Monica:
wanna give you so much credit For the work that you've done and you continue to do and the the way that you've approached that, you've really been an inspiration to me and I know to others in the group, and I'm so grateful to have a chance to debrief with you a little bit, and I trust that that our shared journey is not over yet.
Patricia:
Thank you so much. I am so glad that I made the decision to join this program, and I well, I'm so excited about what the future hold because in projecting forward, I think 5 years from now, I'll realize this year I accomplished so much, but also it was just the beginning. I see A lot of potential for what's ahead.
Monica:
I love that. Let's let that be the the final word. Thank you so much, Patricia.
Patricia:
Thank you so much.
Monica:
I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. Here are a few takeaways for you. Number 1, instead of focusing on the behaviors you're trying to change, Take a look at the thoughts and the beliefs that are driving these behaviors. Number 2, when it comes to lasting behavior change, Self awareness will get you a lot further than willpower. Number 3, if you're frustrated with your results, ask yourself if you're happy with the effort that you are putting in to create them.
Monica:
Number 4, being able to ask for and accept help or support is an underrated superpower. And finally, offering support to others is a great way to access wisdom and insight that can be applied to your own situation. And I also have a few questions for you to reflect on. What if Achieving your goals, changing your behavior were not about being more disciplined. What if you were instead to resolve to be more curious?
Monica:
How would that change how it feels to be working on this, to be a work in progress? What might you learn that would have an impact far beyond the specific thing that you're currently working on. I really want you to think about that because this is something that I often hear from the people that we've worked with in the weigh less program, That the approach that we take there of cultivating a spirit of investigation and experimentation Very often ends up having ripple effects that ripple out into other areas of their life in ways that they hadn't expected. Their relationships, their work life, and so on? And finally, what stories or beliefs are you holding on to right now that might not be true, that might actually be part of the problem.
Monica:
Is it time for you to write a dear story? This is where I leave you note. If some of those beliefs or stories are about food or eating or your body or your weight, and you'd like to learn how to use compassionate curiosity to unravel and rewrite those stories. That's what we do in the Wayless program. Come join us.
Monica:
You can learn more at wayless.life slash enroll.
Announcer:
Alright. Thanks, everyone. This has been the Change Academy podcast with Monica Reinagle. Our show is produced by me, Brock Armstrong. You'll find links to everything Monica mentioned in today's episode in our show notes as well as on our website at change academy podcast.com, where you can also So send us an email or leave us a voice mail.
Announcer:
If you're finding this podcast helpful, we hope you'll subscribe or even better, give our Show a rating or review in your favorite podcast app. Or best of all, share this episode with a friend or colleague you think would enjoy it. Now here's to the changes we choose.
