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Harley and Kevin start the new year with a deep dive about creepy internet videos and pageant work. Plus: Passion or Ration returns!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.
00:00:24
Speaker 1: Welcome back to beardless, dickless me twenty twenty five. I'm Kevin Smith.
00:00:30
Speaker 2: I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
00:00:32
Speaker 1: That's right. We're in the fucking future. Kids, it's happened. Well, we're not. We're in the past recording this.
00:00:37
Speaker 3: Actually, yeah, that's true. We're in the past.
00:00:39
Speaker 1: We don't even know what twenty twenty five looks like.
00:00:42
Speaker 3: I hope it's good. I'm really I'm really hoping that.
00:00:46
Speaker 1: God, that's your fucking move. Hope it's good.
00:00:49
Speaker 2: I hope it's good.
00:00:50
Speaker 3: I'm really hoping we're fucked.
00:00:52
Speaker 1: If that's the case. I thought you were coming with a plan all you came with a hope. Thank god, kid, we spent all months ago we got nothing.
00:01:02
Speaker 3: Now it's gonna be great.
00:01:03
Speaker 1: You got to come with a plan. How are you gonna make twenty twenty five thrive?
00:01:09
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put out music. I'm gonna write sounds like you do a plan.
00:01:14
Speaker 3: Write more music.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: Sounds like you have a plan beyond the plan, And.
00:01:18
Speaker 2: I'm going to write a script.
00:01:19
Speaker 1: Oh look at you, that's your twenty twenty five.
00:01:22
Speaker 2: We got big plans.
00:01:24
Speaker 1: Okay, what are are you a resolutions person?
00:01:29
Speaker 2: I am kind of but more just like goals, but that is what resolution?
00:01:34
Speaker 1: You know, like this is mad newslution.
00:01:39
Speaker 3: Is that a song?
00:01:41
Speaker 1: I think so. It's like a radio hit, like fucking that was.
00:01:45
Speaker 2: I think that.
00:01:46
Speaker 1: This is my reason. I think it was like on an episode of Donnie Marie or some shit ship, like some variety show where they had to fucking sing about New Year's or resolutions. It stuck with me and what not? Do you have aside from the ones the aforementioned.
00:02:03
Speaker 3: Mum hum, like more goals?
00:02:06
Speaker 1: Yeah? There? Do you go from up there? I got goals and goals, goals, goals, all kinds of goals, big goals, little goals, lost goals.
00:02:19
Speaker 2: Okay, I would love to be like ripped.
00:02:27
Speaker 3: I'd love to get super.
00:02:29
Speaker 1: Strong, oh like muscle and ship.
00:02:32
Speaker 2: Don't say it like that, but yeah, yes, I want to be strong.
00:02:38
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, you know what, You're not wrong to want to be strong. It ain't wrong to be strong. Yeah, come on, now, Like fucking you see Sidney Sweeney taking a lot of ship online. Yeah, but she's playing a boxer in the movie and she got all like kind of buff cool, and then a bunch of people online were like fucking chill, good, no more. It's like, that's crazy, that's your nuts, that kind of buff because you don't want to do that. Sidney Sween. These boys they like they were ribbandey a little bit, doe. It's just a little bit.
00:03:10
Speaker 3: Let me take that into it.
00:03:13
Speaker 1: I don't even know what the average American male wants anymore in a world where like online, like the most you know, fucking beautiful women in our business like are picked apart. You know, where somebody can look at a fucking Sidney Sweeney has just been lifting some weights and like.
00:03:31
Speaker 3: Ew, yeah, insane.
00:03:34
Speaker 1: I mean I tried, like I really every once in a while I remember that, like I got I put the internet in perspective of the day that somebody called Quenton like the worst filmmaker ever, and I was like, well, I know for a fact he's wanted the best, so like then put through this filter, all the ship is suspect.
00:03:56
Speaker 3: I have some questions.
00:03:58
Speaker 1: I mean, good lord, yeah, but yes, I what was my original point? Oh yeah, stay off, booze, Right, what was I talking about? Rambling about? Fucking Yeah, I was not for me.
00:04:22
Speaker 2: I would love well, you know what, I'm not looking for it.
00:04:26
Speaker 1: To be for you.
00:04:28
Speaker 4: It's for me.
00:04:30
Speaker 1: What do you mean you're not looking for it to be for me? I thought everything was for fucking me.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: Wait wait a second, everything should Yeah wait I'm baffled.
00:04:38
Speaker 1: Wait so you want to get all muscly and.
00:04:41
Speaker 3: Ship that would be so cool.
00:04:43
Speaker 1: I just go to the Hamilton and Terminator too.
00:04:46
Speaker 5: Sure.
00:04:46
Speaker 1: They made a big deal about that when that movie came out and was like Joe rip she is. They did news reports man like twenty twenty Lynda Hamilton is ripped? What's what's your fucking excuse? And then they would show her like working out Now she got all fucking ripped for Tea too, she is.
00:05:01
Speaker 3: She's like, you see how ripped Genesis is? She's so ripped.
00:05:07
Speaker 1: Not only did I see how ripped Genesis is, that's a lot more Genesis than I ever wanted to Without any warning whatsoever, she didn't have the fucking courtesy to be like, uh bruh. At one point in Linus, I take a shower.
00:05:21
Speaker 2: Why would she say that?
00:05:23
Speaker 1: Because we're friends, and it's like, you know, fucking that's weird. She's like a like a like, yeah, I'm not gonna say she's like a daughter to me, but she's like young enough and like that was just weird. It's like seeing my sister naked.
00:05:36
Speaker 6: It was just like she's not being said.
00:05:41
Speaker 1: Though, she's fucking ripped. I mean, I didn't need the shower scene to see how rip but like, fucking she's all throughout the whole thing. Do you want to be like that? Why don't you reach out to her and be like how that happened? And she'd be like, I got paid that fucking tailor shared in money. That's literally is it tie shared? No tailor shared.
00:05:59
Speaker 2: It's either high Taylor.
00:06:00
Speaker 1: Because there's another tailor's. It's the year of tailor's eras in Yosemite. Ty Sheridan was in a movie I watched last night called The Order with Jude Law and Journey Smollett. It was on the Oscar.
00:06:15
Speaker 2: App Oh was it? When are you gonna give me the log into the Oscars tribe?
00:06:22
Speaker 1: Here's the funny thing. Harley was like, can I you're ac act watch things? And I was like, yeah, just don't tell the fucking academy and they'll take it away from me. So everybody don't tell you the academy. So I gave it to her and then she downloaded the apps you watch on her Apple TV, and I gave her the logins and then there's one, you know, final layer of code, like where they text a number that you have to insert a code and Harley's like, what number is this? I was like, Oh, ask Carol. Carol runs the business. Carol is the best money manager on the planet. Spend with me for like damn near thirty years. But this is how good Carol is. A thing was that fucking shit the you know, the pedal on the bike a peloton? So during COVID hardly got a peloton. When I guess you joined Peloton, like you had to pay like twelve bucks a month. There was a whole year. Carol spent a year trying to cancel the Pelotons wasn't even mine And she would be like Harley, like, you know, this is twelve dollars a.
00:07:35
Speaker 2: Month and it wasn't you got my account.
00:07:38
Speaker 1: You gotta get on the kid to cancel this.
00:07:41
Speaker 2: It was mom's account the whole time. And I kept saying, I, this is not mine. I wish I could help you, but there was.
00:07:50
Speaker 1: A bill for like four dollars and eighty cents. Carol wanted to reimburst from Harley. Harley was outraged, so Carol spent as with it. I mean, I've you know, the only reason I have any money ever is thanks to Carol because she, you know, fucking takes care of it all. Won't let anybody take advantage of me, even.
00:08:14
Speaker 2: Even me trying to use your fatex account. I can't. I can't even do that.
00:08:19
Speaker 1: Harley was like, whose number is this? And I was like Carol, and then that was that the conversation died. She didn't fucking use the oscar app. So if the Academy's listening like, can't get people your oscar aps like, don't worry, don't worry. Yeah, Carol stopped that did Carol did nothing? It just would have taken hardly to be like.
00:08:38
Speaker 4: Carol, do you have the code that they just sent you that I can insert into.
00:08:44
Speaker 1: The oscar app? And then Carol had been like, where's my four dollars and eighty fucking cents? She wouldn't say mi, she'd be like, where's your father's four dollars and eighty cents? Hardly could have been like he gave it to me? Where she'd be like, oh no, I didn't get a memo about that me, please have code. So instead of simply asking for the forges of code, hardly just went without.
00:09:07
Speaker 7: Yeah.
00:09:08
Speaker 2: Now missing all these free movies?
00:09:10
Speaker 1: Now, man, how you gonna never see nice?
00:09:13
Speaker 3: I need to see it.
00:09:15
Speaker 1: That opened today, I really need to see it? All right, New year, mm hmm new opportunities.
00:09:26
Speaker 2: I'm hoping.
00:09:28
Speaker 1: Man present one too. Oh Lord, have you given a thought to the world of pageantry being.
00:09:40
Speaker 2: A miss something, a missed market? Perhaps truly?
00:09:44
Speaker 1: I think if you were like, like, where are we, uh you know, miss start with miss your hometown, Miss Hollywood, Move on to Miss los Angeles.
00:09:54
Speaker 2: I scream, Miss Hollywood move Oh my god, look at me, Miss Hollywood, not you.
00:10:00
Speaker 1: Man, set the standard. Then Miss los Angeles.
00:10:03
Speaker 2: Then Miss California or or the greater Los Angeles County.
00:10:09
Speaker 1: Yes, the Southland area. Then Miss Southern California, So cauntaul, how do we miss that? Then Miss California. Okay, Now for all this, you got to remain single. And once you enter the pageant life, that's good ten years of your fucking run. So how old are you right now? Twenty five? That means you're gonna be doing pageants till you're thirty five. You can't get married.
00:10:36
Speaker 2: Till then I can't even be engaged, but I can't even be with.
00:10:41
Speaker 1: You can be with him on the slot. You can't be publicly and shit because you got an image.
00:10:45
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
00:10:45
Speaker 1: You waar to crown the scepter and shit like that.
00:10:47
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
00:10:49
Speaker 1: And then you know your spokeswoman. You do a lot of this ship right, But what you can't be doing is fucking no boys. You can give the illusion that maybe you can't even do this, but if the audience thinks maybe she sucking a girl, that's okay for some reason. But for Miss America, they're like no dick for a year. I never heard of a Miss America. That's just like me and my boyfriend.
00:11:14
Speaker 3: Bitch, why would I want this scenario?
00:11:18
Speaker 1: A lot of money?
00:11:19
Speaker 3: How much?
00:11:23
Speaker 1: The right question? Finally asking that right question, how much? Let's see is it traditionally Miss America. Let's see what Miss America earns? Like, what the what comes with the prize?
00:11:36
Speaker 2: So far this deal is not sounding great.
00:11:41
Speaker 1: Let's see miss what does Miss America make?
00:11:47
Speaker 2: Is it? Miss America?
00:11:49
Speaker 5: Kid me?
00:11:49
Speaker 1: This is like, this is great? What does.
00:11:54
Speaker 2: Is it.
00:11:56
Speaker 1: She is? There's a guy named Burt Parks, who the host for years and years.
00:12:01
Speaker 3: He type like such an old man.
00:12:03
Speaker 1: One finger right, yeah, but I had to hold the phone. What do you take a two finger like this?
00:12:08
Speaker 2: Yeah? He never texts with two fingers. It's always one.
00:12:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hunt and peck, but super fucking fast. No, you're like boopepepep, like I'm dialing a fucking phone. Miss America is an annual competition. Yeah, I know, bro. The winner receives the title of Miss America.
00:12:27
Speaker 2: Oh, as I could imagine, And yeah, it's kind.
00:12:32
Speaker 1: Of goes without saying. And at least fifty thousand dollars in scholarships, so so wow, not marrying Austin for a decade. Fifty thousand scholarships. The title holder also spends a year traveling in the country to advocate for a social issue of her choice.
00:12:56
Speaker 3: Yours would be animal advocacy.
00:13:00
Speaker 1: What exactly like chicken?
00:13:02
Speaker 3: We like chicken too, veganism, veganism.
00:13:05
Speaker 1: Animal pro animal veganism.
00:13:07
Speaker 2: Animal rights advocacy, Animal rights advocacy.
00:13:11
Speaker 1: So you go to towns and you're like, I love animals.
00:13:13
Speaker 4: Here's a video of me as a child, and.
00:13:16
Speaker 1: I have animals.
00:13:18
Speaker 2: Fifty thousand dollars in scholarship.
00:13:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, so you can go to like, you know, trade school, Oh, fucking DeVry Academy. You know, fucking to Kobe and Myers. Now it's a law firm. Oh you can afford Jacoby and Myers at that point fifty thousand in scholarship money. I didn't know scholarship. So Miss America, you gotta be pretty young, all right, so let's read. Let me scale back. It ain't ten years, okay, is a year? You and Austin can't get married for a year.
00:13:51
Speaker 3: I don't make fifteen.
00:13:53
Speaker 1: Thousand bucks, but you'reing me Miss America. Everybody knows who Miss America is.
00:13:56
Speaker 2: I don't think I want this. Why I don't think I want Every.
00:14:01
Speaker 1: Young woman dreams of being.
00:14:04
Speaker 2: I've dreamt of it for so long.
00:14:07
Speaker 1: Your fucking mom pushing she's gonna be fifty four, still talks about her sleep. She's like, and I think I'm advocating.
00:14:27
Speaker 3: Charity home, So thank you for this tier charity.
00:14:36
Speaker 2: Do you know that Carl has a foundation. It's called the Kisses for Carl Foundation. It's where she accepts your kisses.
00:14:47
Speaker 1: Thanks them for later.
00:14:48
Speaker 2: Yeahs, Kisses for Carl Foundation.
00:14:53
Speaker 1: Pussy's worn herself out for charity.
00:14:56
Speaker 2: No, it's where I just kissed carl se.
00:15:00
Speaker 1: Your charity, your charity, I don't know. Let's go back to reality. So you miss America for a years, one year, fifty thousand dollars in scholarship. But you're fucking famous, bruh.
00:15:14
Speaker 2: For the things that I want though, Give a ship to America.
00:15:17
Speaker 1: Be famous for whatever you can. You talk to a hawk to a girl, she'll.
00:15:20
Speaker 2: Tell you, Oh my god, you know what that is?
00:15:25
Speaker 1: The hawk to a girl? I mean, I'm fucking alive.
00:15:29
Speaker 2: I didn't even know what it was.
00:15:31
Speaker 1: Did he find out about her because of her crypto scam? That's when she popped up on his radaro?
00:15:36
Speaker 2: No, Nick told him and he was Nick referenced her and Austin was like, who is that Haley?
00:15:44
Speaker 3: And we were like, bro, sure.
00:15:48
Speaker 2: Where are you been?
00:15:50
Speaker 1: I find that?
00:15:50
Speaker 8: Where are you?
00:15:51
Speaker 3: He also didn't know who, like, I.
00:15:53
Speaker 1: Think your boyfriend may have been replaced by an android or a manroid. Yeah, and somebody forgot to program something like that, because who don't fucking know.
00:16:04
Speaker 2: Who that girl is there? He's weirdly like out of touch with pop culture. I would have to say, yeah, I.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: Mean look you know, I'm not like I wish I was in him. I don't want to know what the function is either. But like you know, it's not like he's cells holding on to something. You know, we can't what was it? Like Sherlock Holmes said, in order to hold on to all the things he had, he had to let go of some other things. In order to hold on to hawk To he would have.
00:16:36
Speaker 2: To go something a core memory for exactly the.
00:16:39
Speaker 1: Deep core memory. It was just like my grandma was really love letting me. One day. It's like, let go of that because you need to notice shit. One day this girl was like hawk too on that thing. But wait, my grandma, I let her go for that. Why oh my god, oh god, yeah she is. But yeah, man, fucking I ain't saying like model of your life on her, but holy shit, start saying some clever shit.
00:17:09
Speaker 3: So true.
00:17:10
Speaker 1: We got a camera running on you. What's a how'd they get hurt? Was the thing all men love in bed? Go make something up, Go like the father Dave. No, Like that's when you're like, oh, on that bag.
00:17:27
Speaker 2: This is crazy.
00:17:30
Speaker 1: Put that on a T shirt and shit, you don't need to be famous forever. Just like you know, fifteen minutes, like Andy Warrel said, he predicted this shit. You know that, right, No, it's Andy Warrel, you know that is of course, so Andy Warhol is one of many things he's famous for. Is the expression in the future. Let me say it as Andy would in the future, everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes. You're him, he was prophetic.
00:18:03
Speaker 2: That's that's pretty that.
00:18:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, except he's off by shouldn't be minutes seconds at this point. Yeah, his only last real fucking long and everyone, but I mean everyone can be famous for fifteen seconds. I have to say something fucking clever, do a fucking TikTok. I watched a video about now you want to talk about somebody who's out of the loop. You know, I may know who the Hawk Tour girl is, but I didn't know who the Island Boys were.
00:18:33
Speaker 3: I don't know who the Island Boys are.
00:18:34
Speaker 1: I didn't miss anything. But apparently the whole fucking world knew who they were for a red hot minute, and somebody did like this deep dive video on what happened to him? And I was like, what happened to him? Like what happened to me? But I missed this because it seemed like something everybody fucking knew about, like the Hawk Tour Girl. So they were two like kids who had like crazy aircuts, and they put tattoos all of it her fucking faces and kept putting more, thinking like this is gonna last forever. But they got famous off like an Instagram or TikTok where they're just sitting in the pool going like Island Boys, a near second figure. They blew up and they tried to turn it into a real act, but then people like boot them on stage and shit, I mean it was the epitome of like fifteen minutes or fifteen seconds. So somebody did this steep dive video on him, one of these YouTubers, and did it like a fucking breakdown of everything they did over the course of like one year to see how much they made at the height of their Oh wow, and this is I think in light of the Hawk Tour Girl. Helly got in trouble because of the crypto scam, Like she made a fuck ton of money, but like a bunch of everyone else got fucked and now like people are looking into it, the government's looking.
00:19:52
Speaker 3: Into Are you serious?
00:19:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she's she ain't gonna go to jail. But the company that she worked with apparently say, oh, her podcast called talk to.
00:20:04
Speaker 2: Her, Ah, is it for real? You know that that's fucking awesome?
00:20:10
Speaker 1: Okay, And so we should have called this legend talk to.
00:20:13
Speaker 2: Her, talk to us? So good she.
00:20:15
Speaker 1: Would have had to work with us. We could have a crossover and like that right now, then people will be trying to cancel us because they're like, you're part of that fucking crypto scam.
00:20:23
Speaker 2: Dan, are you familiar with the wristler?
00:20:27
Speaker 1: Yeah?
00:20:28
Speaker 2: Yes, I saw him and didn't know about the wrestler boom guys, the.
00:20:35
Speaker 1: Cost coke, Oh who are they? Also it's a father and a son who eat like costcoat food and graded on a scale of booms like the Costcoat chicken. It's good three booms, boom, boom boom. They're fucking billionaires. And so I'm saying, get going, dude. The time is I missed my window, I had my chance, I took my shot. I'm the clerk's guy. It's all all over. Be you got a chance. You could be as big as the wrizzler. Oh, as big as the fucking Costco guys. They got a whole fucking song we bringed up boom, it's got a billion views?
00:21:19
Speaker 2: Are you serious?
00:21:20
Speaker 1: Billion lessons?
00:21:21
Speaker 3: Fuck telling me youays don't have.
00:21:24
Speaker 1: To be fucking you don't need a I overshot like with making a whole ass movie and ship.
00:21:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, you really should have fucking.
00:21:32
Speaker 1: I should have been a creature man.
00:21:35
Speaker 3: Should have known better.
00:21:36
Speaker 1: I know. No, I'm not good at short subject. It takes me a long time to tell the story. But the Rizzler.
00:21:41
Speaker 2: But the Rizzler, he knows what's going on.
00:21:44
Speaker 1: Storytelling magician him, the Wrizzler and fucking the Costco guys who are buddies and new crossover videos and ship but completely unrelated, even though when you see all three of them together you're like, oh, there's one big family, but they're not. They were on, uh, Jimmy Fallon.
00:22:02
Speaker 2: The Wrizzler was on Jimmy Fallon.
00:22:04
Speaker 1: Yes, and it was so weird because then weird acting in a way where like they were like wait a second, but not like why does Jimmy Fallon have them on? They were like why are they even bothering with Jimmy Fallon and Legacy Media, Like really, these guys, like if you look at even if you just did YouTube hits. The Whistler is billions more than fucking like, you know, the Tonight Show gets and then Side Show gets some pretty healthy fucking hits, but like, these cats get way more. So it's like they're they're doing fucking legacy media favor at least as far as online goes, And let's be honest, that's all that matters anymore.
00:22:47
Speaker 2: The Rizzler, God, Wriztler is king.
00:22:52
Speaker 3: Wrizzler is king in.
00:22:53
Speaker 1: In this era. Wow, Wrizzler wants to team up with Miss America.
00:22:59
Speaker 2: Oh Wow, whoa, we're taking it there.
00:23:02
Speaker 1: So you're not getting again, it's only fifty thousand dollars in scholarship.
00:23:05
Speaker 2: I don't want.
00:23:07
Speaker 1: So you get to go to the school choice. Well maybe you think rethink that, but what you do is you're spending a year on the road with the Wrizzler and the Costco guys. Oh my god, every stop you get up talk about the animal. The first Wrizzler gets up opens for you, people go fucking crazy, Oh my lord. Then the Costco boys come out and they fucking do we bring the boom? Then they introduce you and you get up and talk about you know, fucking animal rights and ship and you find out by the second stop then nobody gives a fuck about animal rights.
00:23:46
Speaker 9: Like, God, we don't give a shit about you the animals. We walked up boom, Oh my.
00:23:59
Speaker 1: God, you're like, that's miss America. I need to bring attention to the ammals.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: That sounds. But it's like a nightmare. Bro.
00:24:13
Speaker 1: Well you know it's not meant to be pleasant. You gotta pay your dues. But you're getting like your Instagram blows up.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: Bro, you're doing like you got to not really like what I care about in life.
00:24:27
Speaker 1: Well, we're not done because with so many Instagram followers, your little Instagram club membership.
00:24:35
Speaker 2: Oh bruh, duh, the subscribers.
00:24:40
Speaker 1: That's right. So whatever you got now, time is it by ten thousand? Okay, time whatever money comes through by ten thousand. Dang, that's what I'm saying. That's the power of the fucking cost code guys, and the Wrizzler and a little bit by for a year, one year straight.
00:25:06
Speaker 2: And Austin.
00:25:10
Speaker 1: Because people have to think that you might marry the rizzlerler like the eight Yeah, in their head, they're shipping you in the Rizzler. They call you, they call you Hizzler or Raarley Hizzler his wrizzler, Harley in the Rizzlerler.
00:25:32
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is gonna be in the relationship.
00:25:36
Speaker 1: What you don't have to fucking even kiss this kid. You just gotta let the audience. You gotta let the audience think that when he grows up you will marry. Look, let's be honest, By the time, in one year's time, nobody can remember any of this. But for one year, you want to feed the narrative a little bit. You don't even to feed the narry. You just don't have to correct the narrative. People like she's gonna wait for the rizzler and when he's old, when he's legal, they're gonna get married.
00:26:01
Speaker 3: This is the creepiest thing I've ever heard of.
00:26:03
Speaker 1: The reason America thinks it's adorable, they don't think it's creepy at all.
00:26:07
Speaker 2: This is no question, hard pass, the hardest pass I could pass on.
00:26:13
Speaker 1: Moms like this, I feel like I didn't raise your right seem like an instant.
00:26:18
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, one year's time.
00:26:21
Speaker 3: Huge pass.
00:26:23
Speaker 1: And he's a nice kid, the wrestler like you actually like hanging out with him. I'm not gonna say like slowly fall in love this saint pretty woman for some shit. But like you do, You're like, legit, You're like it's funny.
00:26:35
Speaker 2: Couldn't pass harder. If I try to spend a lot.
00:26:38
Speaker 1: Of time on a bus going from city to city, I don't watch and the wrizzler makes the time go by. He likes playing Mario Kart with you, and like the whole time, he's making funny voices. And he's a kid, so he farts a lot, and you think that's hysterical. Oh right, I'm telling you, man, And like, and look, this wrizzler is making serious money. So he's like, currently, have you bank me my babysitting? He paye you like ten ten thousand dollars a week. Just this is the no, this is amazing. Ten thousand dollars a week. Hold on two weeks in a year, it's like five hundred and twenty thousand dollars soever. So this is like when you're the president. You get one salary, but then all the perks that come in and shit, you've got you know, the fifty thousand dollars scholarship money going course, of course, anytime you think about going to college at age twenty.
00:27:31
Speaker 2: Most appealing part it's there for you too late.
00:27:34
Speaker 1: It's that Wristler money that spends Bro five hundred thousand dollars for one year, and you're hanging out with a kid that you legit like you're fan, and you remain you.
00:27:44
Speaker 2: Don't like this. The world thinks I'm gonna be with the Wristler.
00:27:49
Speaker 1: I mean again, they'll forget, They're gonna forget twelve years. It's like, uh, do you remember the first year of American Idol you were around for, you were alive, we didn't watch it, but remember there was like Justin and Kelly and they made a whole movie from Justin to Kelly, and Kelly is like she hosts the show now right, like she's yeah, sins thing, She's true. Then there was a boy with curly hair named Justin who was her equal. They both fucking won or she won and he was second place or whatever the fuck runner up, and they were always inseparable. And now nobody fucking remembers any of that. They know her though, because she's currently got a show as you and a Rizzler that's me and yeah, like for nothing ten years time, nobody remembers the rizzler. But you get your own fucking talk show. You're making the insane fucking money at age forty five. At age forty.
00:28:41
Speaker 3: Five, bro, I don't want a talk show.
00:28:43
Speaker 1: Nobody wants a talk show. But is all boats Well's I would love to talk, she would love a talk show. Just get it for me. Take the talk show and like Sam your system. But then like you start calling out sick every week and I'm taking on three four shows a week.
00:28:57
Speaker 2: Oh my dad's gonna have to take over today, right.
00:29:00
Speaker 1: And I'm like, welcome back, everybody, Hardy's sick again. I'm sick in any event, Welcome to the Kevin Show, Kevin, just like I'm so tired of Kevin Show. She turns it off, The Kevin Show. I'm telling you this ain't a bad thing. Nobody's saying you got to sleep with these people.
00:29:20
Speaker 2: It's all.
00:29:21
Speaker 3: It's all and no, really, it's all in know.
00:29:25
Speaker 1: See it's that kind of snobbishness, you know that fucking number one don't come from me and comes there number two. Wow, the look, because I'd be all over this. They have the boom boys or whatever the fuck the costco kids.
00:29:40
Speaker 2: This is this is just your hopes for twenty twenty five.
00:29:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my I'm projecting my dreams into you. Like most parents, I'm like, I failed live out my dreams.
00:29:51
Speaker 2: Your dream is to tour with the Wrizzler.
00:29:53
Speaker 1: Means make that fucking to have.
00:29:55
Speaker 2: You could probably tour with the Rizzler.
00:29:57
Speaker 1: I ain't big enough. I'm sure the rizl be like, who is this fucking creepy old man and his dad? Maybe maybe his dad might be like, hey, he made quicks. I think they're very New York or whatever, so maybe, but I doubt it. That guy seems way hup burn that shit, so like they wouldn't know him. I ain't doing them no favors unless they're like, oh, you make the movies. We want to make a movie.
00:30:21
Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, oh my god, can you make a movie with the Wrizzler?
00:30:25
Speaker 1: I mean, are you flipping the hypothetical on me? Yeah, I'll start building it. Let me see, sweeten the pot. I can't just leave it there. Oh my god. I spent twenty minutes building a world, and you're like, would you make a movie with the wrestler? Man? All right, my nipples get there, get me there.
00:30:44
Speaker 2: That's horrible. That's horrible. Okay, So you get to make a movie with the Rizzler, and it.
00:30:55
Speaker 1: Makes if I drowned because the mic might olious and you just first keep drinking and I bu drought.
00:31:01
Speaker 3: He just avoided an accident.
00:31:03
Speaker 1: And you're like, I should have told him. I would have loved working with the That's all I wanted to hear.
00:31:09
Speaker 2: Here's the here's the thing, all right, you get to make a movie.
00:31:12
Speaker 3: With the Wrizzler.
00:31:14
Speaker 2: You what do you mean I get to well, just wait a second, gets to make a movie man.
00:31:21
Speaker 1: That we start there. Yes, no, you're right. Rizzlor's got more power. Whizzer's like my Ryan Gosling to my Ruben Fleischer on fucking you know it was that Gangland Murders whatever that fucking movie was called. He's definitely got the upper hand here. If the studio is gonna fire anybody, it's gonna be me. So, yes, you're right, this is Wrizzler's movie.
00:31:39
Speaker 2: It gross is a billion Oh my god.
00:31:43
Speaker 1: That's all every dream about. But I don't even care if it's Wrestler's movie.
00:31:49
Speaker 2: The way you get to that, yeah, you have to stand on a rock in the middle of the ocean.
00:31:56
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're back out of my God. At least you're consistent, I mean an answer.
00:32:10
Speaker 2: For five years straight.
00:32:12
Speaker 1: Five Ye. The Whistler is gonna be like twenty eight by the time I'm done with this labor of hercules. That gets me to working with the rizzler.
00:32:22
Speaker 3: But you get to make a billion.
00:32:23
Speaker 1: Dollars in five years?
00:32:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, five years. You're gone out of our lives for five years because you're too busy standing on the rocks.
00:32:33
Speaker 1: And a little too fucking excitedly. You're gone out of our lives for five years, five mercifully pleasant years, quiet years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, for five fucking years.
00:32:52
Speaker 2: You're gonna pass up a billion dollar grossing film.
00:32:55
Speaker 1: I have no upper body strength. These babies are falling into the mouths of sharks. Yes, I'd make five billion, but I'm forever. Everyone's like, that's the guy's too weak to hold five babies in the shark eight fucking four one and ate the leg off a fifth eight four and a quarter babies because he ain't strong.
00:33:14
Speaker 2: You're in the middle of a tropical storm, ario, man, so you have to also hold the babies through a tropical storm.
00:33:24
Speaker 1: You're making it harder. Yeah, I already told you I'm gonna drop the babies.
00:33:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean no, do you want the billiona or no?
00:33:33
Speaker 1: Wait, but if I dropped the babies, I'm gonna lose billion anyway.
00:33:36
Speaker 2: No, you just have to live with the fight that you dropped.
00:33:39
Speaker 1: Them very much. Five billion. I think I can handle that.
00:33:45
Speaker 2: You still get it.
00:33:46
Speaker 1: You'd be like, what am I? I didn't I'm a victim too.
00:33:52
Speaker 2: But you know the parents of the babies, and you have to tell them that I dropped the baby into the mouth of a shark.
00:34:00
Speaker 1: Do I get to break off like a billion for them? Because that would really go a long way towards sat and the wound. No, I'm not gonna say the.
00:34:08
Speaker 2: Movie grossed a billion, so you're not getting five billion?
00:34:12
Speaker 1: What am I getting?
00:34:14
Speaker 5: Umm?
00:34:15
Speaker 2: B right, I don't want that one million?
00:34:22
Speaker 3: Uh gotta be at least a billion dollars? A honeymal.
00:34:29
Speaker 2: A hundred?
00:34:30
Speaker 1: Is that a new figure? Oh? One hundred mili one hundred million dollars? And what am I doing again?
00:34:37
Speaker 2: Standing on a rock in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by shorts, balancing five babies for five years? And you can let the babies drop. However, you have to deliver the news to the parents that you drop their baby.
00:34:51
Speaker 1: Did the Rizzler get dropped out of this equation altogether?
00:34:54
Speaker 2: No, the Wrizzler stars in your film.
00:34:56
Speaker 1: That I get to make it five fucking years? Yeah, when nobody gives a fuck about the risk.
00:35:00
Speaker 2: No, they do, because the movie grows to billion dollars.
00:35:04
Speaker 1: What movie? The movie I didn't make with them until I've lived five years at sea with five babies on my ye. That's what I'm saying. Five years from now, somebody's gonna pay.
00:35:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, they did, and it grows to billion dollars. That's what I'm telling you.
00:35:20
Speaker 1: Why then would anyone want to see the risen five years from now to the point that but the Wrizzler serious? This is like it's a modern day Wicked. Like I'm John was his name John.
00:35:31
Speaker 3: Cho John Chue?
00:35:33
Speaker 1: John, I'm John Jue now the modern day John Jew.
00:35:37
Speaker 6: Yes, how well do I know the parents of these babies that I'm destined to drop it? It's babies like one that's going to grow up to be a Hitler.
00:35:52
Speaker 2: No, they were all gonna be Nobel Prize winning humans. One was gonna stop climate change.
00:36:05
Speaker 1: Well, I'm definitely fire. I don't need the money that bad. I'm fifty four years old, you know. And also what I'll slowly get my own TikTok followers, I don't mean the fucking wrestler.
00:36:14
Speaker 2: Then you get to make any movie you want to make forever after that.
00:36:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, man, no, I ain't letting babies die of my watch, particularly if like.
00:36:24
Speaker 3: They got all right, it took you long enough.
00:36:27
Speaker 1: I want to say the kid in the future, like I don't know none ever fucking pops in the pans. Some of them, you know, stay as colonels. So I was riding my fucking chances. Maybe it's like, you know, five duds anyway, but the world of them being nobel laureates and fucking shit, like you know, the ones that could cure diseases.
00:36:48
Speaker 2: But one is Hitler.
00:36:52
Speaker 3: Yes, but you don't know which one is.
00:36:54
Speaker 1: Which you're talking.
00:36:56
Speaker 3: That's the double speaking.
00:36:59
Speaker 1: I can see my jeans at work.
00:37:01
Speaker 8: One of them's Hitler.
00:37:03
Speaker 3: You don't know which one.
00:37:04
Speaker 1: Though four of them will move humanity forward, one of them will take us back so far. But but if I drop one, one could be one one of that one of the ones I drop could be future Hitler.
00:37:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you don't know.
00:37:28
Speaker 1: You will. I know in my lifetime because I'm.
00:37:31
Speaker 3: Yeah for me, you'll know in your lifetime.
00:37:33
Speaker 1: Well, I mean it's gonna take you a long time to get to Hitler.
00:37:36
Speaker 2: No, you'll see, you'll know by age twenty.
00:37:38
Speaker 3: They'll start young.
00:37:41
Speaker 1: I'm fifty four now I'll be seventy four then, I mean, will I even notice? I'll be probably drooling. I won't even remember I did this. I'll be like, why am I starting at see with babies and moms.
00:37:53
Speaker 2: My legs so strong, bro oh my god, imagine imagine your calves. Your calves are ready, they made of steel.
00:38:02
Speaker 1: Now they'd be cut from bronze now literally particularly, that's some you know, I'd be getting so much sun and ship.
00:38:09
Speaker 2: And you're literally balancing on a rock for five years. You never sit down.
00:38:14
Speaker 1: The whole babies die. Part of it really fucking puts a damper in Yeah, to see, I know there's a lot of money. How much again time for you?
00:38:22
Speaker 2: Five hundred No, No, it was actually one hundred mil. It's actually one hundred dollars one hundred.
00:38:29
Speaker 1: Mill five babies, this like twenty mili baby one of them's future Hitler, but like, be sure.
00:38:36
Speaker 2: You can't be sure. There's no way of knowing until until it's too late.
00:38:41
Speaker 1: If I'm sure, the moment they're like, okay, you're balanced on the rock. Then here's all the five babies and go I'm pitching baby Hitler right to the Oh. Yeah, so that trying to hold on to four. Yeah, good shots at the future.
00:38:55
Speaker 3: But you don't know.
00:38:57
Speaker 1: I don't know. You don't do that strategem doesn't one. Yeah, I don't want to do this. It's not worth the money, you know what. I'd rather fucking try. I'd rather go stand on stage and be like, this is the most fucked up thing it was ever offered to me. Let me walk you through the hypothetical. So did I do right or did I do wrong? I watched the thing, you know, I watch a lot of creepy internet.
00:39:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love them. Is this one dude so strange?
00:39:23
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
00:39:24
Speaker 2: They've really instilled like a new fear in me.
00:39:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, me too, But this one dude was like, fuck, now, you made me forget where I was going with it.
00:39:36
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry.
00:39:37
Speaker 1: What was the What was I just talking about before?
00:39:40
Speaker 2: You were like you're standing on a rock. You would have to go on stage and tell people, walk them through the hypothetical that you were given. He's gone gone. I'm sorry, buddy. Yeah, I guess best we don't.
00:39:57
Speaker 1: My short term is shot.
00:39:59
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:40:00
Speaker 1: No, it was good though. It was gonna give me lunch of fucking content. What I need to do is keep a pad and a pape and a pen. You should nearby, because like, it just goes and then I'm like, wait, I answer when I go to come back, it's gone. But it was good. What was the video I watched.
00:40:19
Speaker 3: Where I was like, oh my god, it was a scary one.
00:40:23
Speaker 1: They're all scary. Oh my god, every one of them is unnervous. But this one is a guy who does a series of these videos that are like there's a I guess a meme online which is like hey Apple, it's from Annoying Orange and he would say hey Apple, and then he go yeah, and then he would like eat him. But they wouldn't show that, but then they would play like an old timey version of Amazing Grace. It's meant to be like he's dead now. So they do these series where they're like hey Apple, yeah, Grace and it's like a series of three pictures, and one picture will be you know, like people praying a church, and then inside people praying, and then the third picture is like the headline of like church roof collapses, kills five hundred Jesus. Yeah. And now there's a guy who then watches those and then pauses them and sometimes cuts them off before the third shot, because mostly the third shot is graphic and horrible. So he'll explain what they mean, because he'll do a deep dive research and be like, so this photo of the three photos, the first one is this, and it comes from this, and this one is this and it comes from that, and that's when and everyone's in a while. There's one that's like easily debunked because it's like spooky ship. But most of the time it's like some just some bad ship that fucking happened to other people.
00:42:12
Speaker 3: What a weird subsect of the internet?
00:42:14
Speaker 1: You it's it's it's not like the dark Web, but it is a lot of.
00:42:20
Speaker 3: Like giving like weird corners of the Internet.
00:42:24
Speaker 1: Though it is in as much how you got there, but I don't know. It popped up in my feeds, in my in my threats, but I watch a lot of like ring cam video stuff where they're like, this is the most horrible thing that ever happened in front of a ring cam.
00:42:42
Speaker 2: The hay orange is very specific. It is, that's very specific.
00:42:47
Speaker 1: I was watching this one, bro. It was dark. It was the same series. It was a kid's show. It was like the darkest kids show on the internet. And it was called Life with Grandfather And it was the kids show that was produced for this cult where this guy his name was Bergh or something like that, I don't know, but he was like, you know, it's like an offshoot of Christianity, but it was more hippie ish and then it was like more about free love. So in these kids shows, like there's this one like robot that has like female breasts on it and it looks like a like a fucking standard R two D two with like a wig on it and then these like female boobs on it, and so slowly like the show was grooming, like conditioning kids to be like sexual relationships with adults or is fine, Like it's it was pet a Christian peto cult.
00:43:56
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
00:43:58
Speaker 1: Fucking mind betting. But they produced their own fucking pro children's programming called Life with Grandfather with these puppets that played out these scenarios. There was a little boy that they adopted called Davidita. No, there was David and David Ta that was a girl. But the boy they built a fucking you know, Jesus type mythology around and wrote a book about how he was going to save the world and shit like that. But this kid grew up and like, you know, it was like, fuck all these people straight to hell. Like he bought like a gun and was like, I'm going to kill that old man for what they did to me, Like it was not a fucking good thing, and he wanted to go rescue his sister, but his sister is like so deeply still in the cult. All of this is horrible. But the children's show that they produced is just a mind fuck, an absolute mind fuck, where it's like, Okay, this was produced for an audience of like twenty.
00:44:59
Speaker 3: And it's so you got to tell me that.
00:45:02
Speaker 1: There's another one that was called like joy Station, Joy Junction, and they did. Oh, the show was on for twelve fucking years, Joy Junction, and it was on the Christian Broadcasting Network and it was on like some regular channels in Tampa and shit like that. Twelve more than twelve years, fourteen years the show went on, maybe close to twenty. I don't think I'm over exaggerating. It went on for a long time, to the point where I'm watching this video going like this is there must be some Mandela effect here, because I look, I've been balls deep in pop culture for fucking fifty years. I would have heard about this show. I don't even care if it was on a Christian broadcasting network. I would have heard about the show. Then you get to the reason why you've never heard about this show. Why there's only like three episodes available on YouTube and shit where the rest of them are gone? And it disappeared from the Christian Broadcasting network, no reference to it on any of their websites, disappeared from the network it used to air on in Tampa. There's no reference to it anywhere. It's like, everyone wipe their slates clean of this fucking thing. Because one of the guys who worked the Ventrilli's quist puppet, the guy that was like Jesus wants us to welcome him into our hearts, was a hardcore fucking pediastue.
00:46:24
Speaker 2: Jesus christ I'm telling you.
00:46:26
Speaker 1: Man, I'm watching this video and I'm like, why don't I know this ship? And that's why they're like fucking they had. Well, world's an awful place.
00:46:35
Speaker 2: Why are we talking about this?
00:46:36
Speaker 1: Because this is this is what I watch on YouTube.
00:46:39
Speaker 2: You're so weird.
00:46:40
Speaker 1: It's fascinating to me, creepy. All they have to do I was, I was telling Jordan, I was like, all they have to do is put up a ringcam video, play this fucking like spooky one note on a synthesizer, and then have somebody be like this ringcam was discovered in a Reddit forum where oh ship like that. I'll sit there and watch it for hours, and.
00:47:06
Speaker 2: Shit, I never want to hear anything about my Disney blogs because yours. Your ship is even weirder. It is your shits way weirder. Actually, you're right, it's so I can't believe this is what you watch.
00:47:20
Speaker 1: It's it's spooky.
00:47:21
Speaker 3: You're looking for the spooky, the spooky times.
00:47:26
Speaker 1: It's spooky, and it also makes me like turn the alarm on at night, where I'm.
00:47:30
Speaker 2: Like, I mean I would hope, so yeah.
00:47:34
Speaker 1: Well I do now like crazy, like now we now we lock the front door during the day. I mean good, yeah, especially because of them videos and ship and it's so weird because like I'll try to watch them with your mother and she's like, I don't watch this trash and then she puts in her podcast and it's.
00:47:52
Speaker 8: Like they had the perfect marriage until this motherfucker killed the other motherfucker.
00:47:58
Speaker 1: Like all she listens to fucking true crime, but she won't watch these things with me.
00:48:04
Speaker 3: How interesting?
00:48:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, she should.
00:48:06
Speaker 3: I be scared for both of you.
00:48:09
Speaker 1: I mean, look, if I ever turn up fucking missing, she did it hands down, because all she does is listen to murder podcasts and she knows she knows how to get rid of a body.
00:48:20
Speaker 3: I'll keep that in mind.
00:48:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm telling you right now, if I ever turn up missing, fucking's start there, all right, and you know, then have them look at her fucking audible history and her wondery history understood. You know what I'm saying. It's just a serious and in all these videos, they're like, you know, this fucking motherfucker was twelve and he went crazy and killed a bunch of people and shit, and they look at their internet history and it's like murder, murder, murder, murder, murdership. It's gonna be your mother. You watch it. Oh, I'm not watching it to learn anything. It's like she's taking note. I watched this ship like in the way that you watch.
00:49:00
Speaker 2: Horror movies where you're like, so strange.
00:49:04
Speaker 1: I don't want to be scared. I don't want to be scared. I do want to be scared. I take me there, take me there. Yes, this is horrible.
00:49:11
Speaker 2: This is horrible.
00:49:12
Speaker 1: This is the worst thing I've ever seen by the Oh my god, I must peak. Speaking of a peak. You like beardless stickless me in twenty twenty five? Why don't you watch it? Good that Kevinsmith club dot com kids, and you can literally watch the show. You could see me peeking through my fingers.
00:49:28
Speaker 2: You could watch me watch my dad with the concern yeah the kid.
00:49:33
Speaker 1: You could watch the kids' faces because when I went down that fucking description hole, you were like, then what happened?
00:49:39
Speaker 3: But I was also like, are you?
00:49:41
Speaker 1: But but then when yeah, I ain't doing a ship myself, and like and the ones I watch like with the kid refers to like, you know, he goes Okay. Since there's no sound at the top of this video, you can pretty much figure out the worst thing happened. It's interesting because the kid they don't curse these YouTubers because I guess that fucks with the algorithm and shit, wish somebody would have told me, Oh, I do is curse. I mean they don't use certain trigger words, Like they won't say murder, kill, They say unalive, like this guy was unlived. They don't say gun, they don't say knife. The guy will say things like you know, he had something with him. They can pretty much find in any kitchen. Oh wow, isn't that weird. They don't say suicide, they don't say murder, they don't say killed, like trigger words essay stuff like that, Like they it's yeah, that's your generation though, is a real Like you guys are sensitive and you don't want to like trigger folks, so they go with these tricks and stuff. Yeah, I'm saying it's a bad thing, but it's interesting to me like that. I'm like, that's that's crazy. Like I'm writing a script for the mystery show for local heroes, so in it, like you know, it's a mystery show, so there's a murder, but like we're a comedy. Yeah, so it's like you don't. It's not like, you know, we're not even a matlock where it's like, you know, dramedy and shit like that. Like we're a flat out sitcom. So it can't be too fucking like somebody died and that's sad, Like you know, it's got to have like a comedic edge to it, and shit, us talking about it with your mom, she's like, well, I know that's bad things to happen to people, like yeah, no, shit, you sit there every she wakes up and she's like.
00:51:42
Speaker 3: That can't be good.
00:51:44
Speaker 8: Motherfucker killed another motherfucker and here's an eight part show about it.
00:51:49
Speaker 3: That can't be good.
00:51:52
Speaker 4: You know.
00:51:53
Speaker 2: I feel like I think it's my side of the Internet's perhaps it's a bit more you're not thinking about anything. But the Disney side is at least they.
00:52:06
Speaker 1: Got fucking Disney videos out there, like they went to Disneyland for a good time, but then when the boat was more the rope.
00:52:13
Speaker 8: Snapped and decapitated him and her.
00:52:17
Speaker 3: I have watched some videos like that.
00:52:20
Speaker 1: Things that ever happened at Disney video And.
00:52:22
Speaker 2: I was like, did you did you hear about the water park that closed because of the brain eating amiba?
00:52:28
Speaker 3: Where in Florida.
00:52:30
Speaker 1: Number one, don't go to a water park for that exact reason.
00:52:33
Speaker 3: So true. Number two, it was a Disney water park.
00:52:37
Speaker 1: And they shut it down for that because they're.
00:52:39
Speaker 3: Like, that was one of the reasons.
00:52:40
Speaker 1: Was the other reason alligators in the source?
00:52:43
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I feel like, yeah, that's.
00:52:45
Speaker 1: That happened at disney World. Yeah that was That wasn't in the video I watched because I was like, hey man, how can this not be number one? But yeah, then I saw it was Disneyland.
00:52:55
Speaker 2: I was like, oh yeah, no, this was disney World.
00:52:58
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:53:00
Speaker 3: Brain eating a meta though, no joke.
00:53:03
Speaker 1: How many people?
00:53:04
Speaker 3: Only one?
00:53:05
Speaker 1: I mean, that's enough to show.
00:53:07
Speaker 2: That's enough. But there were some other reasons. I think they didn't say it was for that, but.
00:53:13
Speaker 1: People shipping in the water.
00:53:15
Speaker 2: But some someone died of a brain eating a meba.
00:53:18
Speaker 1: Could you imagine to you? There's a lot of these videos where it's just like they were doing something innocuous. Now they're fucking dead.
00:53:27
Speaker 2: What a positive way to start out the new year.
00:53:30
Speaker 1: There's the video series that goes like, this person's already dead, they just don't know it yet.
00:53:38
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
00:53:39
Speaker 2: That's so they're.
00:53:39
Speaker 1: Showing you like a photo of somebody who something horrible is about to have that's so scary they cut out and stuff. Oh oh, I just look, we all got to go. I just don't want to go with some wacky video that somebody was like, Oh my god, you see this.
00:53:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not it's not.
00:53:59
Speaker 2: I yeah, what a what a beautiful positive sort.
00:54:05
Speaker 1: There's you're hopeful.
00:54:06
Speaker 3: Here's your full of hope.
00:54:08
Speaker 1: Twenty twenty five. That's how we begin. Twenty twenty five.
00:54:10
Speaker 2: Is full of hope.
00:54:11
Speaker 1: Here we'll flip the script passion.
00:54:13
Speaker 3: Irration, Passion irration.
00:54:15
Speaker 1: Here's your passion I ration. Kids, you're like, what you guys are doing this shit?
00:54:19
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, hasn't it been weeks?
00:54:22
Speaker 1: I got passion irration. You want my regular passion and my single passion and my single ration? Or do you want me to do.
00:54:29
Speaker 3: My single passion, single ration.
00:54:31
Speaker 1: Single passion? Ready?
00:54:33
Speaker 2: Yeah?
00:54:36
Speaker 1: My scripts I'm writing or I wrote a comic book script forty pager for a comic book crossover that I fucking thought was I had so much fun doing and it'll come out around the time of Comic Con. So it's like future past keV planning for future keV. That and the sitcom script which me and and the Josh and Dylan are working on. But first draft has done thirty three pages. It's fucking wonderful.
00:55:08
Speaker 2: That's awesome.
00:55:09
Speaker 1: So and I like, they sent it to me last night Christmas Eve. I was like, what a great gift. But they sent it like by the time I saw it, it was like eleven thirty at night. So I thought about getting up, but I was like, you know what, just go go sleep and and get up and when you get up in the morning you can read it and then you know, start your read draft. So all night, like I kept waking up every hour in the hour because I just wanted to go read it and fucking start working on it. And I read it and it was absolute fire. And then I did my pass and sent it in. So yeah, I'm very happy with with those scripts. Yeay, very delighted. Awesome my ration. Yeah, for twenty twenty five, sweets and breads. For the last month, I've just been living on come on, sweets and breads. I know it's a holiday, and shit, fucking I gotta be on stage, man, I got a show. Oh, I mean, they're listening to this on January second. But I had shows in Phoenix on the twenty eighth, and then I had New Year's Eve show and a New Year's Day show as Spokane. So being on you know, I gotta be on stage and shit.
00:56:18
Speaker 3: Like, So don't you want to be happy? No?
00:56:21
Speaker 1: No, I won't be thin. I've never wanted to be happy. Oh my god. We watched those videos that Jen had transferred, and shit, one of them is a Christmas where I got like this workout station. You know, it's like wait, it's on this side and with your legs on this side and shit like that. And it was just like a painful reminder of like, you know, for decades, I've been on one diet or another. Like in there, it was like, all right, we got the exercise equipment. Now I'm going to be healthy. And I used it like three times.
00:56:52
Speaker 8: Yeah.
00:56:52
Speaker 2: It was a nice gym.
00:56:53
Speaker 1: Too, a nice gym, but yes, you know, I what was the point there?
00:57:01
Speaker 8: Oh?
00:57:01
Speaker 1: Sweets and breads? Fuck them? Yeah, I've had too many.
00:57:04
Speaker 3: Man to life without bread is not a life at all.
00:57:07
Speaker 1: You know. I was doing very well in life without bread, and I got to move back to it. I'm going to eat my burgers and my fucking big juice marbles without the bread. Problem is the besties. They carried this fucking nice bread, which we keep getting.
00:57:20
Speaker 3: Because it's amazing and you should be able to eat it.
00:57:24
Speaker 1: No. No, I want to be on fucking television, wear anything else way more and eat and chocolate.
00:57:29
Speaker 3: You can do that and deep bread.
00:57:31
Speaker 1: No, I don't want to be talking like on TV and like he's that funny, heavy guy like I want to be fucking You're not. I want to be.
00:57:42
Speaker 3: No.
00:57:42
Speaker 1: Look like I looked like when I got out of the booby hatch. You the best I fucking looked in my adult life.
00:57:48
Speaker 3: You literally look fantastic.
00:57:50
Speaker 1: No more sweets, no more breads. That's my passion and ration yours.
00:57:54
Speaker 2: Well, my rash now is you don't in the moment.
00:57:59
Speaker 3: Okay, fine, but I don't like that. Just for the record, I don't like it. I think you should be able to.
00:58:05
Speaker 1: Reach all right, I'm just telling you how life is.
00:58:09
Speaker 2: My passion is twenty twenty five. In my ration is twenty twenty four.
00:58:16
Speaker 1: You know what, not bad. I was gonna come down and you're like, what twenty three? But that's actually pretty clever.
00:58:22
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty four kind of there were there were good parts, but it kind of kind of fucking sucked. Is So I'm very excited for twenty twenty five. I do really enjoy a fresh new start, and I am feeling optimistic and positive.
00:58:42
Speaker 1: Why I don't know.
00:58:44
Speaker 2: Well, one, I'm.
00:58:45
Speaker 1: Not saying don't, but I'm just saying, what do you know that I don't?
00:58:49
Speaker 2: I I twenty twenty five feels like a good number, first of all.
00:58:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, and sounds futuristic.
00:58:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounds nice. It just feels feels nice.
00:59:00
Speaker 1: Metal Storm twenty twenty five, Medal Storm. It sounds like a movie, a three D movie from the Ages.
00:59:08
Speaker 3: But also, I'll have my golden birthday. I'll be twenty six.
00:59:13
Speaker 1: That's a golden birthday because.
00:59:14
Speaker 2: My birthdays on the twenty six. I'll turn twenty six on the twenty six.
00:59:19
Speaker 1: Explain this concept, this is a new one.
00:59:21
Speaker 2: So you have you only have one golden birthday your whole life. Yours was when you were two, because your birthday is on the second. Mine is when I'm twenty six.
00:59:33
Speaker 1: So whatever day you were.
00:59:34
Speaker 2: Born, that's your golden birthday.
00:59:36
Speaker 1: When you hit that age, that's your golden birthday. So I was born in August second, so when I was I had my golden birthday before I was even cognizant of the concept.
00:59:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, yours has gone in past.
00:59:49
Speaker 1: Seems unfair, but you know what, life has been fair to me in many other ways.
00:59:52
Speaker 2: Maybe that's why, and maybe so true. Maybe the university that's for me.
00:59:56
Speaker 1: Like this fucking kid missed the whole golden birthday fucking trip, so let them be fakus.
01:00:01
Speaker 2: Or the golden birthday set you up for success. You got to have your golden birthday so early, so early that.
01:00:09
Speaker 1: I was like, I need something else. Yeah, you meant this whole time you've been working toward this.
01:00:14
Speaker 4: You're like, it's Quentin Tarantina movie back and living for my golden.
01:00:18
Speaker 3: I can't wait for my golden birthday.
01:00:20
Speaker 1: So because you were born June twenty sixth, the twenty your twenty sixth birthday is your golden.
01:00:27
Speaker 3: Birthday, and it's happening the whole year.
01:00:30
Speaker 1: Yeah six months from now, Yeah.
01:00:33
Speaker 2: Fair enough, exactly six months from tomorrow.
01:00:36
Speaker 1: So your mom's golden birthday also passed, Yeah, because she was April seventh, so she happened when she was seventh. So the key is to have one that happens.
01:00:46
Speaker 3: In like later in life so you can enjoy it.
01:00:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, like if you were born on the twenty first and your golden birthday is your twenty first birthday.
01:00:53
Speaker 2: Oh your your golden quick literally, yes, the.
01:00:59
Speaker 1: Golden birthday is a new.
01:01:01
Speaker 2: Concept, all right, I'm so ready for it, the year.
01:01:04
Speaker 1: Of the Golden Birthday. Let's keep an eye on that.
01:01:07
Speaker 3: I love my birthday as I'm a.
01:01:10
Speaker 1: I reallythday change my life.
01:01:13
Speaker 3: But you know how some people are.
01:01:14
Speaker 1: My whole fucking life has been shaped around your birth from a certain point forward.
01:01:19
Speaker 2: You know, some people don't like their birthday, like they don't like celebrating. Yeah, I'm not one of those people.
01:01:26
Speaker 1: It's my birthday month.
01:01:28
Speaker 2: I love my birthday.
01:01:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, he liked, you'll take a whole month to do it, especially because like yours is at the end of the month, his is at the beginning of the month like mine, since we share the same birthday, so Uncle don takes all of August.
01:01:42
Speaker 2: As he should.
01:01:42
Speaker 3: Honestly, I don't really.
01:01:44
Speaker 1: Give a fuck about a birthday. To me, my birthday is a marketable holiday, like I can sell tickets for that. But in terms of like I'm just many years old and getting gifts and ship. I don't give a ship. Life has been one big fucking birthday celebration since Clerks I love. Yeah, well good, I mean you should.
01:02:03
Speaker 2: The golden birthday is gonna go so hard.
01:02:06
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do for it?
01:02:07
Speaker 3: I don't know?
01:02:09
Speaker 2: Orgy Okay, yeah, you're probably probably right.
01:02:15
Speaker 4: Path eat my clothing birthday? Path, Yeah, my golden birthday, I know, Path?
01:02:26
Speaker 1: Yeah.
01:02:28
Speaker 4: Should we have a golden birthday orgy?
01:02:31
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
01:02:33
Speaker 2: No?
01:02:34
Speaker 4: Puff, it's my golding birthday?
01:02:36
Speaker 2: Oh my? What the fuck?
01:02:40
Speaker 4: So on my golden birthday, we're gonna have an orgy where smoke hows smoke hows.
01:02:49
Speaker 1: Fucking restaurant valley across mor What the fuck?
01:02:54
Speaker 2: What?
01:02:57
Speaker 1: We're written at the smoke house. Path we have a rented place, a restaurant anyway, fucking my house. We're going to this smokecast. Why are we doing this? Okay? Maybe this is the fucking maybe you release, bro, what release your music on your golden birthday?
01:03:22
Speaker 3: Maybe the whole it may maybe.
01:03:24
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I mean, I know you got the two songs done, but maybe the EP or whatever. Maybe that's how you set yourself up for success with superstitions and nonsense.
01:03:33
Speaker 3: I love superstitions and nonsense.
01:03:36
Speaker 2: Absolutely, you go along together.
01:03:39
Speaker 1: You can't laugh one without the other.
01:03:40
Speaker 3: Alice in Wonderland is my favorite movie.
01:03:43
Speaker 1: There's a little video of you at ween and Jimmy's in one of the old videos, and you're dressed like Alice dress. All right man, twenty twenty five, it's begun. A bunch of people are like, you know, I said to myself, fuck this show, but I said I'll give it one more chance in twenty twenty five, and now, yeah, fuck this show.
01:04:08
Speaker 2: And then my dad talked about ring footage, ring camera footage. I'm terrifying.
01:04:15
Speaker 1: There was a graph on audience in audience engagement, that fucking ring camera YouTube video. Shit. Everyone was leaning a little bit forward.
01:04:25
Speaker 3: And then my dad talked about Hey.
01:04:27
Speaker 1: Orange, and then people were like, oh, I can remember that. That was. That was reminiscent, That was nostalgic. Where they got a little weirded out though, for sure, was probably when you started talking about your fucking golden birthday orgy. Nobody wants to hear dad.
01:04:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're so right, you freak, Hey Orange.
01:04:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, comply, it is so specific. It is, I'm telling you, it's crazy. People are talented, bro. Like when I'm look at that shit, I'm like, I spent hours watching that, Like Ridley Scott spent hundreds of millions of dollars making gladiat Or two. I don't watch that, but I'll tell you what I have watched. Hey Orange, oh mapp what twenty seconds long? And there are hundreds of them, hundreds. I appreciate homemade entertainment and ship man, so can you. And this is it. Those people are there are people. We have homemade entertainment. This is our version of hay Apple. Every episode I'm like, hey Apple, you're.
01:05:36
Speaker 7: Like what I'm like, but I hit like Father Dave Stalk Oh.
01:05:49
Speaker 5: Oh sweet, he.
01:05:51
Speaker 1: Bring it off sometimes.
01:05:53
Speaker 5: Oh oh you have to.
01:06:04
Speaker 2: You have to join that Kevin Smith club to watch my dad when he does Father Dave.
01:06:11
Speaker 1: Doing face to get there. Yes, there's that's all right there.
01:06:17
Speaker 2: I know, I know pro No, it's.
01:06:23
Speaker 1: That's what I'll say. I'm a gravestone, you know. I saw some fucking mean tweets about me and one of them was in reference to the TV show announcement. They were like, ow can you stop making things about yourself? And I'm like, no, like my whole fucking life has been making ship about myself, like, and I found a little niche where I could do it and get away with it and get paid for it and ship, So no pers gonna, yeah, it's going to respond, But then I was like, it's Christmas Eve and I was going to respond by being like who writes this on Christmas Eve? But I was about to respond, so I was like, you know what I'm gonna say, ship so true.
01:07:12
Speaker 2: But it did haunt me, It really did, but I'm still thinking about it.
01:07:17
Speaker 1: Get out of that apple. I was like what he was like? And then some other motherfucker there was some like tweet that I was that I responded to two years ago, in regardless to some Masters in the Universe thing, some rando on Christmas Eve responded to that tweet that I put up two years ago. I didn't fucking make sure he was wasn't talking about the original poster, but it was definitely aimed at me. But it was like, fuck you, You're an asshole and had nothing to do with this person, and I was like, that's timely.
01:07:54
Speaker 3: Well a little light there, buddy, yeah.
01:07:56
Speaker 1: And it's like, how far down the rabbit.
01:07:59
Speaker 2: Hole are you ration. We lead that hate in the past ration.
01:08:04
Speaker 3: We don't. We don't pay attention to people on the Internet.
01:08:08
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can ever do that. I've been I've been here since the internet started.
01:08:13
Speaker 3: Kid, leave it in twenty twenty four, bro, No, seriously, leave it in twenty twenty four.
01:08:18
Speaker 1: That's where it belongs.
01:08:19
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty five, none of that.
01:08:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but I want to be on a TV show. Shouldn't I care what the audience says?
01:08:27
Speaker 3: No, fuck them, Wow, I'm.
01:08:31
Speaker 1: Gonna go tell Universal on NBC. My kid says, fuck me, fuck them, fuck them? Nielsen? The fuck? What center are you from? Like twentieth I don't even know how they do ratings anymore. If they do ratings and shit, I guess it's all clicks. We'll see. God. I hope I'm got a TV show, got it? I hope I get it. I hope I get it. I hope I get a TV show.
01:08:57
Speaker 2: You will.
01:08:57
Speaker 1: That's course line, me pastor course line. NBC was like we were on the verge giving you a show until we heard you fucking ruined Courseline. No, No, how about the quick list passionate ration? All right? Did you do both yours. Yeah, yeah, your list was great.
01:09:16
Speaker 3: Thanks.
01:09:17
Speaker 1: I can't believe my ration was sweets and bread.
01:09:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, come on, bro, sound.
01:09:20
Speaker 1: Like a young Sweets and breads?
01:09:23
Speaker 2: Sweet and bread?
01:09:24
Speaker 5: Please me?
01:09:24
Speaker 1: Can I have some sweets and bread? Mom?
01:09:30
Speaker 2: Please have a loaf of bread?
01:09:32
Speaker 4: Well?
01:09:32
Speaker 1: But could I have some sweet breads? More sweet breads? Like when you take them from an animal for cooking. It's like their kidneys or something.
01:09:40
Speaker 3: Sweet bread, I miss, I haven't seen them since this morning.
01:09:44
Speaker 2: Well it's Christmas and I seen more new I gotta go moves waiting.
01:09:49
Speaker 1: All right, here's my fucking passion ration for you.
01:09:52
Speaker 3: Okay, passion Yeah.
01:09:55
Speaker 1: No, no passion ration New Year's resolutions.
01:09:59
Speaker 2: Past.
01:10:00
Speaker 3: I think it's good to have goals.
01:10:02
Speaker 1: Fair you know what, I can judge it. Yeah, come on, let you say, come on.
01:10:07
Speaker 2: It's about being a better version of you, and I support that.
01:10:09
Speaker 1: Fair enough passion ration. TikTok rasan, why one?
01:10:16
Speaker 3: I don't have one.
01:10:18
Speaker 2: It's a dark hole for me if I that in YouTube shorts?
01:10:23
Speaker 1: So what are YouTube shorts?
01:10:25
Speaker 2: It's like TikTok on YouTube. Yeah yeah, I can be doing that. And Instagram reels yeah all those, all those are just not good.
01:10:34
Speaker 1: For me with Instagram, I enjoy that curating my Instagram, but like TikTok seems like it's a medium, not for me. TikTok is a big ration for me. Traction.
01:10:45
Speaker 3: It's hard. It's hard out there when the wrizzler is just controlling the game.
01:10:49
Speaker 1: Oh fucking wrizzler. It is just like right on and fucking absolutely missed my window. You know what, I have, my time. I should enjoy time.
01:11:01
Speaker 3: You're still here, buddy.
01:11:03
Speaker 1: Good point, passion, ration, frupples.
01:11:10
Speaker 2: Passion, respect to whatever you want.
01:11:13
Speaker 1: Because you're in one with Luke, Austin and Luke.
01:11:18
Speaker 2: With my bandmate in Austin's best friend.
01:11:20
Speaker 1: Yep, well you guys are always together. You live in that same fucking house.
01:11:24
Speaker 2: Nick lives in the house.
01:11:26
Speaker 1: Austin doesn't.
01:11:27
Speaker 2: Austin does. Luke you said.
01:11:31
Speaker 1: No, three, you live in the house. Any a thrule. I don't know what it is. It don't have to be sex. It could be maybe you're a lavender thruptle, a lavender. Do you know what this is? Something I just read about lavender couples coming back. It was the New York Times. Lavender couple back in the day was like you know you're a gay man and you marry like a gay woman because you're like, you know what they call beer like that, but you can like, hey man, we'll get like fucking all the benefits of being married, but not going to be married like that. But your generation apparently they're into like they've redefined it. They don't claim they don't know. It's called lavender marriage. New York Times is saying, like, essentially this is lavender marriage, but a lot of them are getting married, not going like I'm in fucking love or oh my god, I love to fuck this person, Like I just like to watch TV with this person. I want somebody to watch TV with. Like to coupling up and marrying, not just coupling up and hanging out like friends, but marrying, you know, with the prime directive not being what most people would think is that you know why people get married.
01:12:39
Speaker 2: I respect to whatever anybody wants to do.
01:12:44
Speaker 1: I like to all get married to my wife or my husband is like somebody I just liked being with, which should be part of the equation.
01:12:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, respect to whatever anyone wants to do.
01:12:56
Speaker 1: So passion for the throuttle Sure.
01:12:58
Speaker 2: Yeah I know, nick boy.
01:13:03
Speaker 3: You already know.
01:13:05
Speaker 2: Nick would be like, what did they say? For those who are listening, my dad is air strumming a guitar.
01:13:14
Speaker 3: With a mug.
01:13:18
Speaker 1: Drag.
01:13:20
Speaker 2: My dad has a really weird idea of who my bandmates are anyways. Passion irration, Yeah, juicy marbles.
01:13:32
Speaker 1: Passion, juicy marbles for those who don't know. Fake vegan steak. That's like a flame. Andgnon it's amazing when cooked. Well, it's pretty impressive. Comes from a different country altogether.
01:13:45
Speaker 2: Does it.
01:13:46
Speaker 3: It's amazing we had them today. It was so fire.
01:13:49
Speaker 1: That was Christmas Christmas meal.
01:13:51
Speaker 2: That was fire as though.
01:13:52
Speaker 1: Shout out to Misty.
01:13:56
Speaker 2: All right, Wicked, Passion and all day.
01:14:01
Speaker 1: It's fantastic. I loved it when it was in the Broadway show. I love it as a movie, true. I can't wait for the fucking sequel. I know what happened.
01:14:10
Speaker 3: Oh I wonder if they change up.
01:14:13
Speaker 1: No, they wouldn't they change.
01:14:15
Speaker 2: They're not changing, man.
01:14:17
Speaker 1: They they got a name for it though. It's wicked for good the internet, you know I follow that closely.
01:14:26
Speaker 3: I'm aware.
01:14:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy now.
01:14:37
Speaker 2: I hope you're happy.
01:14:41
Speaker 1: My friend.
01:14:45
Speaker 4: So sad um, something has changed within me.
01:14:53
Speaker 3: He's gonna cry.
01:14:56
Speaker 1: Something is not the same. Uh, all right, what's your third one?
01:15:03
Speaker 2: Conscious?
01:15:06
Speaker 1: My conscience?
01:15:08
Speaker 3: Conscious?
01:15:09
Speaker 2: Conscious?
01:15:10
Speaker 1: Concis yes, passion.
01:15:13
Speaker 2: We love.
01:15:16
Speaker 1: House that local leg it's Te Luca Bakery that is all vegan and they make these amazing conches and bokitos and just a bunch of like crazy wonderful desserts and banadas.
01:15:30
Speaker 2: A concias like sweet bread.
01:15:32
Speaker 1: Conscious. That's why I was like sweets and breads. So ration on the ConA passion for then the big ration.
01:15:43
Speaker 2: On the concha man, but huge passion.
01:15:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, especially there because not all conscias are vegan.
01:15:49
Speaker 3: But oh yeah, no, no fire one.
01:15:51
Speaker 1: Everyone's a while. I'm in a seven to eleven somewhere in the world and I'll see like in their little tiny ass Latin section and I'm like, but then I look at the ingredients, I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, I realized that I'm breathing rarefied air out here in Los Angeles.
01:16:05
Speaker 2: Bread is my most favorite food. And to have a dessert bread, a sweet bread, it's my ideal. It's my ideal dessert.
01:16:16
Speaker 1: Bro. I took a cut one and a half put a burger on it. That's so fucking fucking amazing. It was like when people, you know, take a crispy cream put a burger on it.
01:16:24
Speaker 2: That's so wild. I would have had that. We're fucking contro Burger next time.
01:16:30
Speaker 1: All right, Contu Burger. That's the fucking restaurant. We could conch Burger. We should be like, what's the gimmick? Like we put our burgers in contraction fire? Nice? Why did not think of that?
01:16:43
Speaker 7: Right?
01:16:44
Speaker 3: That sounds kind of good?
01:16:45
Speaker 1: Actually, in twenty twenty five, Contu Burger. All right, there are just kids. There's your beardless stickless me for the start of twenty twenty five. Man, if you like this, stick around for fucking more. Yeah, Sky's limit. It's more of this where that came from twenty five going her dad bullshit with one another The hawk Tua Family Podcast, Thank Ye for Beardless Dickless Me.
01:17:13
Speaker 3: I'm Kevin Smith, I'm Harley Quinn Smith cover.
01:17:15
Speaker 1: Beardless Dickless fucking day. And hey, and if you're that Kevin Smith club member, jump on over for the after show. People like after show, Yeah, it's fucking more of this over at that Kevin Smith Club. Beardless Stickless helos, please please for beardless stickless me. Last time, I'm Kevin Smith.
01:17:32
Speaker 3: I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
01:17:33
Speaker 1: Go a beardless stick was motherfucking day and five. This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what. We've got tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that kevinsmithclub dot com. Go sign up now,