Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

The hidden habits behind calm, confident communicators.
What does it really take to become a more confident communicator? In this special collaboration between Think Fast, Talk Smart and Headspace, host Matt Abrahams shares practical, mindful strategies for speaking with clarity, managing anxiety, listening more deeply, and connecting more authentically with others.
Across five short lessons, Matt outlines how to calm speaking nerves, become a better listener, structure your ideas clearly, engage any audience, and strengthen your presence — whether you’re leading a meeting, giving a presentation, or navigating everyday conversations.
Whether you’re speaking to a crowd or having a one-on-one conversation, these tools can help you communicate with more confidence, calm, and connection.

Episode Reference Links:
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Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (03:36) - Speaking Anxiety
  • (08:42) - Mindful Communication
  • (13:51) - Clarity & Structure
  • (17:28) - Creating Engagement
  • (24:53) - Building Presence
  • (29:55) - Conclusion

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Creators and Guests

Host
Matt Abrahams
Lecturer Stanford University Graduate School of Business | Think Fast Talk Smart podcast host

What is Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques?

One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.

Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

Tune in every Tuesday for new episodes. Subscribe now to unlock your potential as a thoughtful, impactful communicator. Learn more and sign up for our eNewsletter at fastersmarter.io.

Matt Abrahams: Meditation is a great way
to calm your nerves and to get present.

Speaking of presence, see what I did
there, I was honored to be asked by the

Headspace app to produce a series of five
short podcast episodes for their podcast.

I'm Matt Abrahams, and I teach
Strategic Communication at Stanford

Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to this special episode of
Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast.

Today, we're stitching together the
five episodes I did for Headspace.

Take a listen as I provide
specific advice on speaking

anxiety management, empathy through
listening, clarity through structure,

audience engagement, and presence.

The fear of speaking in front
of others is ubiquitous.

It exists everywhere.

In every culture we've
studied, we find it.

And we find that it
develops at the same time.

When kids first become teenagers, that's
when anxiety really begins to spike.

Certainly for me.

When I was 14 years old, I was
instructed by my English teacher

to give a presentation on his
behalf at a speech contest.

Every teacher in my school had to
nominate one student to go to this

contest, and I was his choice.

The only advice he gave me was, "Do
something that gets the audience

interested." So I showed up on an
early Saturday morning, cold outside,

into the big, large auditorium.

My friends were there.

The parents of my friends were
there judging this competition.

And the girl I liked was even in the room.

I had decided to do a
speech on the martial arts.

This was something I thought
that would be engaging.

I was so nervous about doing this
speech that I forgot to put on my

special martial arts pants, the
ones that have a little extra room.

I did a karate kick to start, and I ripped
my pants from zipper to belt buckle.

Somehow I managed to get through that
presentation, but it was at that moment

that I became very interested in how
anxiety impacts our communication.

And over time, and with a lot of practice,
I was able to become much more comfortable

and confident in my communication.

And hopefully, I've helped
lots of others do the same.

Confidence in speaking comes from a
lot of practice and a lot of work.

It's a whole bunch of mini
experiments that we run.

Each of us has to find the techniques
that work for us to manage our

anxiety, and there are many of them.

For me, one of the big sources of
my anxiety was worrying about the

future consequences of my actions.

I was afraid people wouldn't
support what I was asking for.

They might not like what I had to say.

All of these are future thoughts.

And the way to counteract that,
and what worked for me, is to

become very present-oriented.

Because by definition, if you're
in the moment, you're not worried

about a future negative outcome.

So the question becomes, how
do I get present-oriented?

And there are lots of ways to do that.

Doing something physical can work.

Take a walk around the building.

Actors and actresses shake their body out.

Athletes listen to a song or a playlist,
and that gets them present-oriented.

Sometimes I've been known even
to say tongue twisters out loud.

Not only does saying a tongue twister
force you to be in the present moment

in order to say it right, but it also
warms up your voice, which is incredibly

helpful, because many of us think we
can go from silence to brilliance in our

communication without warming up first.

Any athlete, any singer, any dancer will
tell you, you have to warm up first.

I distinctly remember a job interview
as I was approaching college, and I was

working on my anxiety management, given
what happened to me in high school.

And I had walked into the room,
and I, I felt the anxiety.

I did some deep breathing.

I said a tongue twister out loud
before the person came back.

And when they came back, I
was in a much better place.

The interview actually went so
well, they made me the offer.

And in the subsequent year, I was
actually the person who was interviewing

for a similar position to what I had.

So I had actually switched roles as
a result, I believe, of how confident

I was in that initial interview.

Anybody listening in has likely done some
meditation and mindfulness and is very

familiar with this type of deep breathing.

Interestingly, all of the magic
happens on the exhalation.

Your heart rate slows down.

Your respiration rate slows
down, so you speak less quickly.

The shakiness that comes
from adrenaline abates a bit.

So as a way of closing today,
I'd like to invite everybody to

take a deep, grounding breath.

The goal here is to have our exhale
be twice as long as our inhale.

So we're going to take a
three-count in and a six-count out.

As we do our inhale, we really want
to be distending our lower abdomen.

I like to joke it should feel
like you feel after a really

good Thanksgiving dinner.

On the count of three, inhale
slowly through your nose.

One, two, three.

Your abdomen is fully distended.

Let's hold in that
moment for a second here.

And now let's exhale on a count of six.

We can exhale through the nose or mouth.

Six, five, four, three, two, one.

If you do that just two or three times,
you can really put yourself in a place

of calmness, stillness, and readiness
for your upcoming communication.

This week is all about
mindful communication.

One of the most transformative
shifts we can make is focusing

less on what we say and more on
how we listen to what others say.

Today, we'll explore why listening
is often harder than it seems, how

it impacts our relationships, and
how mindful presence can help us

truly hear others, connect to others,
and build lasting relationships.

Many of us don't listen
as well as we could.

There are many barriers to listening.

They all happen to start with the
letter P. There's physical noise.

Sometimes it's hard to listen just
because the environment we're in is loud.

Another barrier to
listening is physiological.

What's going on in our bodies?

If you're tired, if you're hungry,
if you're hangry, if you're nervous,

it's really hard to demonstrate the
focusing required for listening.

And finally, there's psychological
challenges and barriers that

get in the way of listening.

A lot of us are rehearsing
what we wanna say next.

We're judging, we're evaluating,
we're connecting ideas.

Listening is definitely a
skill that we can all develop.

Believe me, my wife encourages
me all the time to keep

developing my listening skills.

We learn listening by observing
others and, and see what works.

And we also learn listening by
seeing how people respond to us.

It's not innate.

We can all learn to listen better.

To be a better listener, there's
several things you can do.

I like to teach my students how to ace
their listening: pace, space, and grace.

To begin, we have to give ourselves
space, and I mean space in two ways.

One, we have to physically be in a
place where we can actually hear.

Maybe that means moving to a
quieter room, stepping outside.

But more importantly, we need
to give ourselves mental space.

There's a lot going on in our
heads whenever we interact.

We need to open up a space to
actually be present and listen.

Beyond space, we have
to slow the pace down.

Life comes at us very quickly.

Interactions are fast.

You need to slow down and focus
to allow you to truly listen.

And then finally, you have to give
yourself some grace, and grace is all

about giving yourself permission, not just
to listen, but to listen beyond the words.

When people say things, I'll share
a story where I messed that up.

I came out of a meeting with a colleague,
and he turned to me and he said,

"How do you think that went?" And our
experience in the meeting did not go well.

It was very poor.

And I immediately jumped
into giving feedback.

I thought that's what he was looking for.

In fact, had I noticed, he came out the
back door, not the front door as I did.

He was looking down.

He was speaking more slowly.

In that moment, he did not want feedback.

What he wanted was support.

I had not listened fully and completely.

So space, pace, grace put you into a place
where you can actually ace your listening.

You're primed to do it.

Now, tactically, what do
you do when you listen?

I believe one of the best ways to
listen more deeply is to listen as

if you were going to paraphrase.

Many of us, when we listen, we just
listen enough to get the top line of what

somebody is saying, and then we begin
evaluating, judging, getting distracted.

When you listen to paraphrase,
that is to repeat back in your

own words what somebody has said,
you listen for the bottom line.

You attune in a way that you don't when
you're not listening to paraphrase.

So I teach my students, and I
work on this myself, to listen

for what is the bottom line.

And then really interestingly, by
paraphrasing, you show you care.

And it's been demonstrated in a lot
of research that when you paraphrase,

you begin to build trust, and trust is
the foundation of all relationships.

I'm not saying you have to paraphrase
every single thing somebody says, but

by taking the time to paraphrase some
of what they say, you actually show that

you care, that you heard them, and that
you intensely want to understand them.

One of the best ways I have learned to
practice listening is at the end of an

interaction, a meeting, a conversation,
listening to a podcast episode, ask

yourself, "What was that about, and
how can I use that information?" This

internal interrogation, essentially an
internal paraphrase, not only helps you

better understand the interaction you
just had, but you're training the brain.

You're laying down the neural pathways
to make your paraphrasing more efficient.

The more you practice paraphrasing
what you've heard, the better

off you will be when you actually
have to listen in a situation with

another person or other people.

So far, we've talked about managing
anxiety and becoming more confident

and the power of listening.

Today, I want to focus on how we
can bring clarity to what we say

through messaging and frameworks.

When we're put on the spot, it's easy
to ramble and lose track of our ideas.

We, we often take our audience on a
journey of our discovery of what it

is we want to say as we're saying it.

But with simple structures and frameworks
like what, so what, now what, we can guide

our listeners and make our messages stick.

When it comes to communicating, it can be
quite challenging to take all the thoughts

you have, as well as all the input from
the things you're seeing and hearing, and

really put together a coherent argument.

Many of us in these situations
just list and itemize information.

When you see presentations, people
just have a ton of bullet points.

Bullets kill.

We're just not good at remembering
lists and itemizations.

Think about this.

When you go to the grocery store, how
many items do you need to buy before

you write it down so you don't forget?

Well, if you're like me, it's three.

We're not good at
remembering those things.

So to help ourselves, we need to rely on
structure, a logical connection of ideas.

We all know structure.

If you've ever seen a television
advertisement, you've seen a structure.

It's problem, solution, benefit.

There's some issue challenge in
the world, the company's product or

service makes that better, fixes it,
and then you benefit in some way.

I don't care if you're selling
cars, medicines, alcohol, most

ads follow that structure.

When I first started teaching, one
of the big challenges I had was to

synthesize all of the material that
I wanted to get across to my students

so that they could understand it.

And the biggest mistake I made is I
just gave my students lots of lists.

List after list.

Do this and then this and
then this, or you should think

about that and that and that.

And while the students were
interested in what I was saying,

they couldn't remember it all.

It was overwhelming.

They were trying to take notes
and did this go before that?

Where does this come in?

How does that play out?

I was doing them a disservice by not
helping them focus, by organizing

the content in a logical way.

As I have evolved in my teaching, I was
able to better structure my materials

so that the students can now engage in
the content in a very different way.

My favorite structure in the entire
world is three simple questions.

What?

So what?

Now what?

What?

So what?

Now what?

What is the information
that you're sharing?

Why is it important to the
person that I'm speaking to?

And then the now what is what comes next.

Structure is something
you have to practice.

You have to practice putting
your ideas in a structure.

Here's a great way to do it.

When you're done learning something new,
participating in a meeting, listening to a

podcast, ask yourself, what was it about?

Why is it important to me?

And what can I do with this information?

Not only is this a form of paraphrasing,
which helps with listening, but this

is a way of, yet again, training
your brain to leverage a structure.

You're training your brain to respond
so when you're in a situation,

perhaps one you're not prepared for,
you can use it fluidly and easily.

Today, we're talking about engagement.

Too often, people think engagement means
being flashy, funny, or performing.

But real engagement comes from connection,
from making your audience feel like

you're speaking to them, not at them.

We'll explore why people lose attention,
how energy and presence make a difference,

and what small shifts, like telling a
story, asking a question, changing your

tone of voice, can reignite curiosity.

I believe attention is the most precious
commodity we have in the world today.

Our attention is constantly being
pulled in different directions.

It's hard to get attention, but
what's even harder is engagement.

It is critical to get engagement
because when you do, you then truly

can form the connection that you want.

I'm often brought in to coach
senior leaders on how to be more

engaging in their communication.

We've all been part of those
all-hands meetings or planning

meetings that just drone on and on.

They're full of lists and
facts and spreadsheets.

And while that information is essential
and critical, it can be delivered better.

There's one situation I was brought into
where I was working with a leader who

was trying to unveil a new strategy,
and his strategy had 14 pillars to it.

Let me tell you, that was
the first warning sign.

What we did is we got
rid of the 14 pillars.

We found that they aligned nicely
with three key values the company had.

And with each value, we made sure to
have some kind of engaging point to it.

In one case, he told a story
that reflected the value.

In another case, he used an analogy
that we could all relate to.

And then finally, what he did was he
had a participative activity where he

asked us each to think about something
and how that could be reflected in what

this particular strategic idea was about.

We took a very boring, very dry,
hard-to-understand communication and

made it interesting and engaging.

When it comes to engagement, there are
four primary ways that you can do it.

One is by getting people
physically engaged.

Where people's bodies go,
their brains will follow.

So tactics and techniques might
include taking a poll, having people

write something down, sharing a
video that they watch, turning to

somebody and having a conversation.

When you're virtual, it could be using
the chat, the reaction buttons, maybe

putting people in breakout rooms.

Mental engagement comes
in a different variety.

We have lots of research from neuroscience
that says when you ask somebody a

question, their brain lights up and
activates in a way that it doesn't

when you just tell them things.

So can you ask a question even
if you don't want a response?

The third is linguistic, language.

If you can refer to people by name
or use inclusive language like you,

us, we, that pulls people together.

We've all been trained since we
were little kids that when you

hear your name or the word you,
that you should pay attention.

And finally, there is shared experience.

If you can lean into some common
experience, some common attitudes or

values people have, that connects us.

Now, there's another way to be
engaging as well, and that's

your presence, how you show up.

You can bring a lot of energy.

You can bring a calm subtleness.

The variation in your presence, your
tone, your volume, your gestures,

that variation invites engagement.

That's why I try to vary
my voice or my rate.

That's why I try to
change the emotional tone.

So we have things we can do
with our messaging and with our

presence that are likely to invite
people in and be more engaged.

The other thing that we tend to do is we
tend to be very conversational in tone.

That's what really helps
us feel close to somebody.

If you can mirror that when you are in
front of a larger group, that helps you.

So how do we do that?

Well, use conversational language.

I once coached a leader who was giving
a big talk at a conference, and as part

of the beginning, he said, "Knowledge
workers should blah, blah, blah." And

I said, "Who are you speaking to?"
And he said, "Knowledge workers." And

I said, "Why don't you just say you?

You is much more conversational."

A great way to practice being engaging
is to observe how others are engaging.

So I'm gonna give you all a challenge.

I would like for you, for the next few
days, to watch communicators that you

find really engaging and ask yourself
what techniques are they using.

Are they doing something physical
to get people physically engaged?

Are they using stories or
questions or analogies?

Are they using some kind of language
to really pull you in, or are

they referring to common ground?

One of the best ways to get good
at communication in general, but

engagement in particular, is to observe
what others do and then begin to

incorporate some of that in your own
authentic way into your communication

We're closing out this week of mindful
communication by talking about presence.

Presence is what allows us to manage
our nerves, listen deeply, craft clear

messages, and engage authentically, but
it's also what many of us struggle with.

It's how we use our body and our voice to
really emphasize what it is we're saying.

Many of us focus so extensively
on our content, what we're saying,

we want it to land, we want it to
be confident, we want it to really

help our audience, that we forget to
focus on how we are delivering it.

We are in our heads so much that we
don't think about what people see.

That's our body.

What people hear are voices.

So what ends up happening is
people's presence is degraded by

their over-focus on their content.

Now, I am certainly not saying that
we should not focus on our content.

We absolutely should, but we also need to
make sure that we spend time practicing

and reflecting on how we show up.

I have helped many people
with their physical presence

in lots of different ways.

What comes to mind right away is I was
working with someone who was relatively

new to their management position.

They had been a great individual
contributor, and they were promoted

into a new role where they really needed
to exert confidence and influence.

So we got rid of the filler words,
the ums, the uhs, the likes, and I

means by working on their breathing.

They would breathe very
shallow as they spoke.

As they'd get excited or nervous, they
would breathe in their upper chest.

And when you do that, there are times
where when you're done speaking,

you still have air in your chest.

And what often happens is, as part of
the exhale to get that air out before you

speak again, you'll say a filler word.

Try it at home.

Try saying the word um while exhaling.

It's very easy.

Now, try saying the
word um while inhaling.

Now, that's impossible.

So what we trained and worked on with
this person was to end sentences fully

out of breath so that they couldn't
say um, they couldn't say anything.

They needed to take an inhalation, which
builds in a pause, which slowed them

down and got rid of those filler words.

So there are things that you can
do to reduce your filler words.

Now, this person also looked
down when they were speaking.

So by practicing speaking while
staring intently, they became more

comfortable with looking more casually.

So there's a lot of things
that go into presence.

Filler words are one of them that
we need to reduce, and then looking

people in the eyes really does
make a difference when you speak.

When it comes to presence, we are
not the best judges of our presence.

So we have to do a few things.

One, we have to solicit feedback.

Go up to people and just say, "What is
one thing I can do to make my presence

stronger?" Another thing that you must
do, I believe, to improve your presence

is to digitally record yourself.

You can do this when you're virtual, you
can do this when you're in person live.

A great way to practice presence is
to record yourself and then watch it

not once, not twice, but three times.

I make all my students do this.

They hate it, but they love
it because they learn so much.

After recording yourself
digitally, watch without sound.

Second, listen without video.

And then finally, watch both together.

I want you to pay attention not just to
the things you'd like to change, but pay

attention to the things that go well.

That's really important, too.

All of us have a strong presence, some
of us stronger than others, but we can

find things that we like and we need to
lean into them and keep doing them, and

we find things that we need to change.

I'm often asked how presence
and authenticity connect.

It is absolutely true that you should
be authentic to yourself and be

who you are in your communication.

That said, a large way that we establish
our authenticity is how we show up.

So I never recommend that people
be disingenuous or do things

that are phony for themselves.

That said, really reflect on what's
true for you and how can you mirror

and demonstrate that in your presence.

So if you're somebody who's really
passionate, maybe you'll speak

a little quicker than I might
like or you might gesture faster.

That's okay as long as it's being
consistent with who you really are.

So it starts by you thinking about,
"What's important to me? What

do I wanna portray?" And then do
so in a genuine, authentic way.

Thank you for joining us for this
special episode of Think Fast,

Talk Smart, the podcast, produced
by the Headspace podcast team.

To learn more about communication
topics like these and many more,

please check out our past episode
library at fastersmarter.io.

Special thanks to Ryan Campos, Katherine
Reed, and Podium Podcast Company

for bringing this episode to you.

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