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Authentic gay conversations on personal development, life coaching, and mental health. Join Keegan Hirst, founder of Gay Man's Coaching and former professional rugby player, for weekly real talk about gay lifestyle, coming out, relationships, business, and authentic living. Deep, honest conversations that help gay men build confidence, find community, and create vibrant, unapologetic lives.
Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the Gay Man's Coaching Podcast. This is a podcast for gay men who wanna perform physically, mentally, emotionally better across every area of their life. And I am coming back to you. I'm actually recording this in the car driving back from the airport after being in LA for the weekend where we had one of our GMC events. We had a couple of clients who were doing photo shoots who looked incredible.
Speaker 1:Big shout out to Ross and Richie who absolutely smashed their photo shoot prep and did that over in The States. And then on Sunday, we had our adventure day where we were down at UCLA campus. We had lots of team bonding things, and then we did some high rope climbs and getting people really out of their comfort zone. And we had a great group of people. You know, we've got we've got we've put on these incredible events throughout the year.
Speaker 1:There's loads of different opportunities to get together and have some amazing conversations, meet people, make fantastic connections as well as learning and challenging We've got our UK based activity day, which is gonna be down in Wales. We're gonna be doing whitewater rafting. That is gonna be coming up in May. We've also launched our tickets for our retreat in Cornwall. Over half of the tickets have already gone.
Speaker 1:So if that's something that you're interested in, please do reach out and let us know. But what I wanted to talk about in this episode of the Gay Man's Coaching Podcast is off the back of some of the conversations that I've had over this weekend and something I found myself talking a lot about was how people feel disempowered and disillusioned. And, you know, if you take let's take the example of Ross, who's just done his photo shoot, who when it came into the program, hated having his photo taken. He didn't like looking in mirrors, didn't like wearing nice clothes, didn't, you know, felt and felt like he didn't have control over his own life. He worked in restaurants.
Speaker 1:Was stuck. He was busy, And he he felt like he didn't have control. And we are constantly told that we don't have control by the powers that be, by social media. We're constantly being told don't vote. It won't count for anything.
Speaker 1:You know, don't protest. It won't mean anything. Don't speak up. Nothing ever changes. And so when you are constantly told something, it's only a matter of time before you start believing it.
Speaker 1:And I I see, you know, the there's there's this idea as well that everybody else is responsible for our well-being, whether that's physical or whether that's mental, and that is just not the case. Of course, you should be considerate about other people and things, but we have a responsibility. Regardless of what's happening in our life, things happen to us that are out of our control, but our future is our responsibility. And something that I wanna get across and something that I'm super passionate about because I've I've experienced this myself. Felt disillusioned and disempowered in that.
Speaker 1:I didn't have control over my own life, and this was just how things were, and I couldn't change things, and all the things that happened to me in the past meant that my future was gonna be such a way. And that's not been the case because I took responsibility, I I took agency. And I did it because somebody else believed in me. You know, it wasn't just because I woke up one day and decided to do it. It's because someone said there's there is a different way.
Speaker 1:There things can be different. And that's why that's why I set up GMC to be able to do that for other people, to help other people do that. And in Ross's case, the example I've just given there, he has gone from doing that and getting out of a job that was, you know, stressing him out and causing him loads of agro. He's loves taking photos of himself. He looks incredible, and has has completely changed his life.
Speaker 1:But but that's because he did the work, and this is something that this is gonna sound like a bit of a humble brag, but, you know, when people get a great result with GMC, they often say, thank you so much. You did this, you helped, we we didn't do it. We absolutely did not do that. GMC has not changed anybody's lives. The people have changed their own lives.
Speaker 1:We might have pointed them in the right direction, we might have supported them. We might have told them something that they needed to know. We might have, you know, held them accountable. We there you know, there's different ways that we can help, but they do work. And I'm I'm such a big believer in always taking responsibility for our own lives.
Speaker 1:And that that includes the good stuff as well because we often beat ourselves up and say, you know, I'm in this position. I've I've I've not looked after myself. I've people pleased. I've not read had boundaries. I've not been mixed x y and zed in this leg.
Speaker 1:The the place that you are in your life is because of the actions and decisions that you have made. Obviously, there will be things that have happened to you that are out of your control. I'm not saying that they are your fault. What we how we react to them and the decisions we make off the back of them is on us. And sometimes the decisions that we make are very limited because of the options that are available to us, because of the the place that we are in, because of our knowledge, because of our abilities, all that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Totally accept that. But that doesn't mean that they are fixed. We have the ability to grow, to to evolve, to change, to learn more, to build new skills, and to do that and to move forward. And so this feeling of disempowerment that I can't affect change on things that are going on in the world, and especially with the state of the world at the minute, it can feel really disempowering that we don't have control of things. And we don't have a control over a lot of things, but we never have.
Speaker 1:We never have. We just know about more things now because of the Internet, because of how the algorithms work on social media and how much time we spend on it. We've never had control over events at the other side of the world. We've never had, you know, more control than being able to, you know, vote or protest in our country wherever we are based. You know, we've we've always had that, but because we're constantly told that we are powerless, we feel disempowered.
Speaker 1:And that makes us feel disillusioned. We we wanna disconnect. We think what's the point? And you fall into this it's easy for us to fall into this nihilistic viewpoint that this is it. I can't do anything.
Speaker 1:And I totally refute that. I totally refute that. In fact, I I feel like at this point in our history of the world that we as individuals more than ever have to take responsibility for ourselves because we cons nobody else is gonna do it just as they've never done it, but we're constantly told that we can't do it and we can't. And we need to remember that, that we do have agency over our own lives. We can make change in our lives, that we life can be better.
Speaker 1:You know, I think of all the people in who've come through GMC and, you know, who've gone on to have better careers, who've had better relationships, who've gotten out of bad relationships, relationships, who've who've worked through childhood traumas, who have changed their concepts and belief about what it is to be gay or the gay community or other gay men. These are common things that are happening in GMC when people lean in, when people ask for help and they take action because, you know, a coach's job a coach's job is not to be nice. I've had people calling me out on the Internet because I have they've said that I've I've not taken into consideration people's feelings and blah blah blah blah. And of course, we should be compassionate and we should take things into consideration. But if coach's job is not to be nice, a coach's job is to support our clients and supporting looks different at different times.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's an arm around them. Absolutely. Sometimes it is that. But sometimes it's saying, you can do better than this, and and you have got the ability and I believe in you and you need to take action. As a coach, all we can ever do is is, you know, it's that old phrase of you can lead a horse to water.
Speaker 1:It's ultimately the the the horse that has to drink it. It's the person that has to do the work. And that's why when I talk about it can feel like a real negative thing if if you look up in you know, if you look in the mirror and you go, I don't like the person that I am, and you accept that where you are is because of the decisions and the actions that you've taken, that can feel like, oh, this is my fault. But flip it on its head. That means that if I've had the power to get to this point, I also have the power to get to a good point in my life.
Speaker 1:And hopefully, just flipping that on its head is empowering because you you can make changes. It's I'm it's a hell I am willing to die on that nobody is broken, nobody is at a point where they cannot change, nobody is at a point where they cannot have a better life and a better quality of life and better relationships. I absolutely refute that people are stuck, that people now people might not want to change and that's something completely different, but every single person, no matter how old they are, no matter what their background, there is a way for them to change. Now it might not be with GMC, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we're a cure all for absolutely everything that everybody's got going on. I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1:But I'm saying that there is a way if people want to to change. You know, I think of, again, some of the people that have come through this program and how they've been able to make those changes, but through different ways. You know, some have used our psychotherapist team, some haven't, some have really leaned into the community and that's one of things that's helped. Some have really leaned into their coaching relationship, some have really leaned into the resources, There's some of it's a combination. There's there's so many ways.
Speaker 1:There is no this is why, like, cookie cookie cutter templates for coaching and things don't work because everybody is an individual. And as I said, a coach is there to support their their clients in a way that they need support in at that particular time. It's not about being nice. It's not about mollycoddling people. And that also doesn't mean that coaches should be mean and, you know, be harsh for the sake of being harsh.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not. It it's our job is to know what to do, when to do it. But the reason that people feel disillusioned and disempowered is because they're told that they have no agency and they start to believe it. And I just want to refute that. If, you know, if this weekend away in LA has taught taught me that, you know, it's it's that people can affect change on their own lives.
Speaker 1:Know, people the stories that people were sharing, people getting together, people making an effort and investing time and effort and energy and money. And I know we all are there. We all have a finite amount of those things. We all do. But we get to prioritize where we put them, and that is on us.
Speaker 1:The the only real thing that we ever have is our attention. Where our attention goes, our energy flows. And I know that sounds a bit pissy for me to say that, that, but it's a nice rhyme that helps me remember it. And, you know, we we get to choose where we put our attention. We can put our attention on how powerless we are and how much the world is shit and how we can do that.
Speaker 1:But we can also put it on the things that we can control, the things that we can change, the the possibilities that we do have, and that's on us. We get to pick that up, and it's not always easy. I know that's it. I'm I'm saying it as if it's like a flipping thing. It's not always easy to do, and, you know, I to this day struggle with it from time to time.
Speaker 1:But that doesn't mean that we just because it's difficult doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. Because what is the alternative? The alternative is to feel powerless and disillusioned and stay stuck. And and that the the one I'm talking about here for me is the single fundamental reason why I became a coach was because I I went through this. I experienced this myself of feeling disenfranchised and that I couldn't make changes over my own life.
Speaker 1:And my life was set because of things that had happened to me in the past. And someone came and challenged me on that. And those have been coaches, those have been friends, those have been mentors who've challenged me on my beliefs and what I'm capable of and asked why not? Why not you? Why can't you have the thing?
Speaker 1:Why can't you build the thing? Why can't you create the thing? Why can't you make change? Why can't you have the life that you want? And when you get through all the reasons, and I'm doing that in air quotes, that you can't do something and we work through it and you start looking at how you can do it, you suddenly feel empowered and you're able to start making changes.
Speaker 1:And those changes are only small at first, not about sweeping changes. But I it's that is the single reason I became a coach. That's the single reason why GMC exists and it is the single reason why, you know, people been able to make the changes that they can is because I I fundamentally believe that and I instill that in all my coaches, all my clients because we we can we we are all powerful. And I don't mean that in a, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow hippie dippie way. I mean, we have power over our own lives, over our own thoughts.
Speaker 1:We are we are not at the mercy of our past. And don't get me wrong, you know, trauma is real. Bad shit happens to us. God knows it's happened to me. We're not immune to it, it's difficult to work through, but it is worth it.
Speaker 1:Always ask yourself, what's the alternative? What's the alternative to it? Because people go, well, this is hard. This change is hard. This is intense.
Speaker 1:Life is intense. Life is a contact sport, you know, and the alternative is to do nothing, to stay as we are, to to be disconnected, to be unfulfilled, to feel crap. And for me, when you put those two things next to each other, I would rather strive for something that is difficult, but is ultimately rewarding than not striving to still suffer. It seems like a no brainer to me. But I I I'm absolutely pumped off the back of this weekend.
Speaker 1:I love our in person events and the conversations that we have. And as I get ready for the London Marathon this weekend, if you would love to do honey to run for the British Heart Foundation. I'll put the link in the show notes. Anything that you can would be massively appreciated. And as I run this on Sunday and I'm dreading the marathon.
Speaker 1:I'm dreading it. The fact that I'm able to do this after my heart diagnosis, the fact that I've been able to work on it and improve my fitness and get back to running and, you know, my ankles that have had reconstructions and my back that has got two herniated discs, the fact that I've been able to work through it is because rather than saying, I can't do this because I've got a heart condition and these things, how can I do it? And I've had to find a particular way to train and to do it and to get through it. And it's gonna be difficult and I'm I'm worried about it, but I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna take heart from my past experiences, from the conversations that I've had with people, from the clients in GMC, from the conversations that I have with people on social media that I I can do the this marathon. And it is gonna be hard, but it's gonna be worth it.
Speaker 1:And I'm great. And and I'm excited by it as well as scared. So I hope this has helped you. And if you are feeling disempowered and disillusioned and you want to have a chat about this, please reach out. You know, that is that is why I do what I do and that is why we're here.
Speaker 1:That's why I put content out because I want to empower people and I wanna say the things that I wish people had said to me sooner. And sometimes we're not ready to hear these things, and that's okay. That's okay. But hopefully, at some point, we are ready to hear them, and when we hear them, we're unable to affect change. So please do let me know, what your thoughts are on this.
Speaker 1:I'd love to, hear your thoughts. But otherwise, guys, I will speak to you next week. Look after yourselves. Stay safe, and don't eat and drink and behave at the expense of how you wanna look and feel.