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We were told there are rules and expectations that the world has for us. Somebody told us about “us” and who we are supposed to be. We got that degree, that certification, that promotion, but what about “us”—our gifts, talents, uniqueness, passions? Created and hosted by the venerable Rebecca Fleetwood Hession, Write Your OWN Story offers insights from her coaching and her book Write Your OWN Story, Three Keys to Rise and Thrive. She gives listeners structure and ideas that they can take and make their own path. The show features personal accounts from Rebecca and interviews with guests focused on stories—the human side of business; money—richer, intentional conversations around this necessary commodity; and rhythm—living in the emotional flow of life and work.
Every episode is designed to inspire, empower, and excite listeners to create their own life and career of thriving. The most courageous thing we can do is to connect, especially with ourselves. New episodes every week. Follow along wherever you get your audio.
Rebecca [00:00:10]:
This is Write Your Own Story. Three Keys to Rise and Thrive in Life and Business. I'm your host, Rebecca Fleetwood Hession. So if you haven't listened to last week's episode yet, you might want to catch that one first and then come back to this one. I'm continuing the conversation about doing hard things because growth is uncomfortable. And in the last episode, I talked about how that plays into motivation and we looked at Andrew Huberman's work from neuroscience. Go back and catch that. But I want to tell you the story of My uncomfortable growth from this week, so I went to a conference this week.
Rebecca [00:00:52]:
For keynote speakers to learn the business of keynote speaking and it's not just this week conference. I wrote a fairly significant sized check to join this community to go and be with this community once a quarter to learn. These are the top keynote speakers in the world. And I joined this community because I want to be the number one keynote speaker in the world. I want to be excellent. I want to be great. And so I had to find the people that are great and then go and learn from them. And doing that is uncomfortable because Most of us that listen to this podcast have some degree of success in our lives, and in order to be better, we have to admit that we're not great at certain things, and that can be difficult, and so after the first There's night of this conference, and this is only my second one that I've been to.
Rebecca [00:02:16]:
So I don't really know the people in the room. I've met a few of them. We've had good conversations. I feel welcome there. I'm glad to be there, but it's still uncomfortable. So after the first night, you know, the mixer kind of thing, you know, I was walking back to my room by myself cause I don't really know these people yet. And I made this. TikTok.
Rebecca [00:02:40]:
And I want to talk about the responses that I got. I'm going to play it for you.
Rebecca [00:02:43]:
So I have spent decades going to conferences, running conferences at swanky hotels. Listen, Mama loves some hotel pillows. But here's the deal. I'm in a new stage of business, and so I'm learning new things with new people. And I don't care how old you are or how much success you've had, there's this 7th grade girl feeling that still shows up called uncertainty in the little bitch in my head that is just, do I fit in? Did I say something stupid? Getting used to that is It's more than half the battle.
Rebecca [00:03:26]:
Okay. So I posted that TikTok and the comments were interesting. So, the first one that shows up is a friend of mine, a client, who has a big TikTok. Following, Brene Beard. And she said, tell that little bitch to go away. And I said, hmm. She said, we don't like her. She can't sit with us.
Rebecca [00:03:47]:
And I said, well, no, that's, that's no. And I took, and I messaged Brenna separately because we are friends and she has a client. I'm like, remember, we cannot. We cannot just tell the little bitch in our head to go away. She's going to be with us forever. She's a lifetime relationship that I have. And so I use her and my relationship with her to navigate this uncertainty. So if you've read my book, write your own story.
Rebecca [00:04:18]:
I say, when the little bitch in our head shows up and says those things to us, we put her in the passenger seat with a seatbelt and a snack, but she doesn't get to drive. Because if she was driving, she would just pull over and give up. but we, we nurture our relationship with her because if we want to grow. We're always going to have uncertainty and understanding that her voice is going to show up and then just navigating that is an important part of the process. another person who I don't know, commented that, imposter syndrome is a thing in menopause, which I don't, I've not studied this. I don't know. Well, one, she was like. Throwing me under the bus with the menopause comment.
Rebecca [00:05:02]:
Not really. It is what it is. But I don't have any of that in my life. I don't have any of those symptoms and I wasn't experiencing imposter syndrome. I was just experiencing the uncertainty of growth and, other people were commenting about anxiety and I didn't feel anxiety. I was just feeling the discomfort. of growth. Go to YouTube and Google, the transformation in a cocoon of a butterfly and that whole natural process of growth.
Rebecca [00:05:35]:
And it's, we need the struggle. There's pain involved, but it's in order for us to fly in this beautiful way. And so it's important for us to not numb out the discomfort or call it anxiety, or just Pretend like all of that isn't real. I went back to my room and I said to myself, Okay, this is it. You're doing it. You have put yourself in an uncomfortable situation in the name of growth. And I snuggled into those hotel pillows. I love me some hotel pillows.
Rebecca [00:06:21]:
I've tried to order them online for home. They're never the same. I don't know what they must have this like secret distribution channel for hotels. and they're too big to steal. I mean, come on. and I snuggled in and I made myself a, you know, I had decaf coffee from my fancy coffee machine in my room, and I was proud of myself. And I said, okay, girl, if you want to be the best keynote speaker in the world, you have come to the right place. So now it's time to prepare for tomorrow, which was the next day of the actual class and learning and all those things.
Rebecca [00:06:55]:
And because I don't know that many people at all, I still, show up like the new girl because I'm the new girl. And I prepared for that. I got to bed early. I was up early, ready to do my daily stillness practice so that my nervous system was regulated. So when I walked into that room, I had the best energy possible going into that room so that I could meet people. And I love practicing these things that I teach my clients and being able to say, you know what? Now, in the room that next day, as I was learning, I thought it was really fascinating because I have spent the majority of my career, both with Franklin Covey and in my own business, in hotel conference rooms, teaching things. So most of the time when I'm in a hotel conference room, I'm on the stage. I am teaching.
Rebecca [00:07:56]:
I have authority. I am the one that's running the show. And when I'm in this session for my keynote business, I'm quiet. I got my notebook out, and I am taking notes, and I am leaning in, and I am learning, but I'm not talking. I'm not sharing anything yet. I don't have anything to share in that room yet. I'm learning. I'm learning from them.
Rebecca [00:08:29]:
it feels different to be quiet. And so I was having the conversation with myself. I was saying, would it be helpful in your learning for you to share? Because there was a couple of times I was like, well, I might have something to share there, but again, not with any authority yet. And so I was quiet and it was just interesting to process this out loud. And I love words. Hello. You know, I love words and I love the etymology of words. And so I wanted a word to describe what I was feeling.
Rebecca [00:09:02]:
I came to the conclusion that what I was feeling I was feeling not anxiety, not imposter syndrome. I know that I am great at a lot of things. I've spent the time to know my unique gifts and talents. I know I'm a good keynote speaker, but I'm not the best in the world. I know I'm a great coach. I have the evidence to prove that. and so I, I did not lack confidence in that room. At all.
Rebecca [00:09:37]:
I'm very confident in who I am, but what I was experiencing was the humility of that moment. And the word humility is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance. Now, I was humble in that room. I know that I am one of God's children, and I have value, and I am, I have importance as a human being. But in that room, from 730 a. m. till 5 p. m.
Rebecca [00:10:13]:
I didn't have importance in having anything to share. I was modest, I wanted to learn. I didn't need to share to show my importance. And I think just having that name for it and being able to process it in that way was really helpful for me. and to feel really good. about that because I haven't put myself in a room full of people of that level and stature for a long, long time since my early days at Franklin Covey, a lot of my growth in the last eight years has just been from trying things in my own business. And, Seeing what works and being courageous enough to put some things out there But to actually sit with my notebook and my pen and just take notes feverishly from experts That felt really good to be in that humble state Coupled with that. I do know my value.
Rebecca [00:11:18]:
I do have confidence in who I am So I didn't need to prove myself. I just needed to show up humbly And learn. And that felt like this new level of learning and context and application for the work that I do and the way that I talk about our unique gifts and talents and uncertainty, it was just like, Oh, wow, here it is, me modeling what I teach in a really beautiful way and finding new words to apply to what I was. experiencing. So then I took it even further after the day wrapped up and I was done feverishly taking notes, I started thinking about, why this matters to me. Because as you know, if you've been around here in our, personal story and our company story, knowing why it matters and who it matters to is really important for our motivation to get through the difficulty, to get through the discomfort of growth. And so I started asking myself, well, why do I want to be the best keynote speaker in the world? Well, because my purpose. Which is now getting much more defined in my business.
Rebecca [00:12:43]:
My purpose is that I believe that if we change the way that we work, we can change the world. I believe that in my soul. Because work is the foundation of society. And right now, work is on a path to burnout increasing. It's making us sick. And when we're not well, we're going home and we're showing up in our personal relationships and our parenting not well. And the ripple effect of that is damaging, not just to us, but to our spouses and our kids and our friends. And if we can change the way that we work, we can change not only our own lives, but we can change the ripple effect of our lives.
Rebecca [00:13:31]:
We can change our marriages. We can change our parenting. we can change the world by changing the way that we work. And I care about this so deeply. And so being a keynote speaker and a writer is aligned to my gifts and talents. It's already something that I'm good at, that I love to do. And so I'm taking my unique gift and talent of writing and keynote speaking. And I'm showing up in a safe environment of this community that I have paid for and signed up for so that I can.
Rebecca [00:14:10]:
Learn more that I need to learn to take that message further as a keynote speaker and as an author. And so that fuels me, that gives me motivation because as a keynote speaker, I can reach thousands, tens of thousands of people with this message and with the tools to do it. So me wanting to be a great keynote speaker, the best in the world, is for me to take my purpose. out into the world in a meaningful way using my gifts and talents. Why does it matter? Because I want us to feel better in our lives and our work. It's not just for me, it's for my kids, it's for you, it's for your kids, it's for future generations. Like, I have depth in this purpose that matters to me. And so then I took it to the next step of the work that I do for clients, and I looked for the compliments and the affirmation that I need to continue to fuel this motivation.
Rebecca [00:15:23]:
Does it really matter? is this change the work, change the world working? Do I have evidence and affirmation through compliments that I have a message worthy of sharing? Now, I didn't go out and ask somebody. I didn't go out to prove myself. I looked for the evidence that it was true and Lo and behold, I had a client session yesterday with Courtney Bills, the CEO of Taktiv, who has been a part of the Rise and Thrive experience, and I continue to coach her. And she was doing, wait for it, drum roll, her monthly clarity day, hello, one of my Thrive tools that I teach and that I've offered out to y'all in previous episodes. So she's using the tools. In her life, in her work, affirmation, check, put that compliment in my pocket. And, ugh, this is gonna make me emotional. Not only is she using the tools, but she chose to use her Monthly Clarity Day tool on her birthday.
Rebecca [00:16:34]:
Because she knew that the process of using that monthly Clarity Day tool was going to bring her a sense of peace and affirmation and clarity in her work that would feel good to her when she went home that night to celebrate her birthday with her husband and her kids. Y'all, I couldn't have created a more affirming compliment and statement to my work if I tried. But I was putting all of this together real time this week. It wasn't something that I had strategically planned. I'll go to the Impact 11 conference and then I'll show up with Courtney. It, it was It's playing out real time because I have this frame in my mind that I created, the one I use to teach my clients and the one I want to go out and tell more people about on a stage, that is working. And so we laughed about it and she said, when all of my colleagues were saying, what are you going to do today? I was so excited to tell them that I was going to meet with my coach. I was meeting with you to plan out life and work and that that was the best use of my day.
Rebecca [00:17:56]:
And we did it at this funny little coffee shop bar kind of place and we had a mimosa and we spent two hours and she showed me the work that she'd been doing in her Clarity Day because that's the way the Clarity Day is designed to work is you do the work and then you invite a coach or a colleague or somebody in to download how it went. and to get some affirmation about the work that you've done and some feedback and some coaching. And it was such a beautiful full circle moment that these tools work. They're helping Courtney live the life that she wants to live so that it feels better. And then she can show up feeling more affirmed and better for her spouse and her kids. We talked about this being her son's senior year in high school and all the big emotions that are going to come from that and how to deal with that and prepare for that. So I want to take this message to stages where thousands of people can feel better in their work. I have a, now wait for it, now here's where I tied it to the burnout definition.
Rebecca [00:19:18]:
So the definition of burnout is devotion to a cause that does not produce the expected reward. Well, I have a devotion to this cause and my expected reward is both human and business. It's both story and money. So the story, the human impact is I care so deeply about people, real people, the Courtney's of the world, my friends, my family, my clients, these examples of real stories that I want those stories to be thousands and tens and thousands of people's stories. So there's this human element of my cause, but there's also a financial one. And there's the money making model of a. My business. And so when I was at my conference learning about how to be a great keynote speaker, I was also learning about the business of keynote speaking, the money making model, how to set goals, what are realistic goals, how to work with speakers bureaus to get more business.
Rebecca [00:20:27]:
there's a spreadsheet. For my goal, story, and money. And it just so happens that one of my three words for next year is prosper. Because the word prosper isn't just about financial prosperity, it's about living well, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. And so, all of this full circle started with growth being uncomfortable, because I am writing my own story, so I'm putting myself in uncomfortable growth situations, but I know why it matters, I know who it's for, I know the story that I'm writing, and I know the money making model that I want to create it. I'm getting nurturing, coaching, all this stuff works. I want to get it in your hands and your hearts. So I'm doing a free session on January 8th.
Rebecca [00:21:27]:
this one's for the ladies hosted by the Badass Women's Council brand, and I'm going to be facilitating two hours for free for you to live 2024 more authentically. We're calling it Authenticity 2024. And I have tools and I have worksheets and I have examples. So that you can live authentically next year, more authentically than you ever have is what I want for you. And I wanted today's episode to be inspiring to you that discomfort is really the starting point. But not discomfort in that burnout, exhaustion, cynicism, no more suck it up, left to give, no more proving ourselves. This is about knowing ourselves. This is about doing the work that we want to do.
Rebecca [00:22:21]:
And you don't have to quit your job. You don't have to go be a keynote speaker. You don't have, that's my story. You have a story. I know you do, and I'm not going to ask you to quit your job to live it. I'm going to show you ways to live authentically within the job that you already have, or to explore some things that you might want to do in addition to that. And it doesn't even have to be for a job, just maybe some things that you want to learn. But growth is uncomfortable.
Rebecca [00:22:50]:
But when we follow these steps and this path and this mindset, it's amazing. I just, the peace that I have in this. Discomfort is really beautiful. And the joy that I have in this discomfort is motivating and exciting. And those are my three words for 2024 joy, prosperity, and peace. And so I'm going to, I'm going to show you how to take some of your words for next year and put them into action planning and it's going to be fun. Go to my website, Rebecca Fleetwood Hessian. com and sign up.
Rebecca [00:23:31]:
That's the way you'll get the zoom link. It's virtual and, We're gonna have a blast. We're gonna have a blast. In the meantime, follow me on TikTok for other musings about my life. TikTok is where I'm raw and real. I guess I am anywhere I go. And another thing about the authenticity reason that's so important to me when we talk about gifts, talents, and abilities, one of the biggest compliments that I get and Notes of feedback from keynote attendees and from keynote buyers, people that hire me to do keynotes for their companies and their events, is they tell me that the reason they hired me is because of my authenticity. And my ability to be real.
Rebecca [00:24:16]:
And so I think I got something to teach you about that for our event on January 8th, about how to do that and how to be effective in that for your job. I think authenticity is a financial asset. We'll learn a little more about that too. All right. I could keep talking about this for hours and hours and hours, but we should probably just shut it off for today. So I love you. Meet it. Bye.
Rebecca [00:24:46]:
thanks for listening to this episode. I would love it if you would go to Apple Podcast and leave a rating and a review, and then you can go to rebecca fleetwood [hessian.com](http://hessian.com/) and join the Badass Women's Council. And if you really wanna take a deeper dive, join the movement of a thousand Thriving Women. There's amazing Thrive tools there for you today. Love you. Hey y'all. Fun fact. If you like the music for the podcast, that is actually my son, Cameron Hessian, and I would love it if you would go to Spotify and iTunes and follow him and download some of his other music.
Rebecca [00:25:25]:
My personal favorite is TV Land.