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"Welcome to 'Parent Like An Athlete,' your ultimate guide to parenting with audacity, tenacity, and finesse. Hosted by the dynamic duo, Otis Grigsby, a former NFL warrior turned attorney, and his British wife, Gemma Grigsby, a successful healthtech marketing agency owner. Our mission is to navigate the parenting field with the same relentless drive as an athlete striving to improve by one percent each day. This isn't about winning or losing; it's about mastering consistency, transforming routine into an art form, and making everyday parenting an exciting journey. Are you ready to redefine your parenting playbook? Tune in and join our vibrant community as we tackle today's parenting challenges head-on!"
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:24:15
Unknown
All right, everyone, welcome to episode seven of Like an Athlete. I'm Otis. Yeah, I'm Gemma. And you've got Jude on the side over here. You can't see him, but you might hear him making a bunch of noise. He's eating watermelon, and so. Boop, boop. Okay, we're going to hop into the first store. We've got three of them for you.
00:00:24:16 - 00:00:51:15
Unknown
They're pretty awesome. And Jim is going to read the first one, and we're going to talk about it. All right, So, number one, anyone else shocked at some of the decisions your parents made last spring had a deeply revealing conversation with my mom about some of the trauma I experience. She confessed that she deliberately undermined my self-esteem. She thought that I was difficult to handle and believed that if my confidence was lower, I'd be more controllable.
00:00:51:17 - 00:01:15:11
Unknown
She intentionally criticized my weight, hygiene, parents, clothing choices, makeup friends, and more. I was driven to a point where I consider that my life due to her was learning that it was all this heart wrenching. Growing up, I thought she was just being human, that she sometimes lost the temple. Like anyone. My parenting is tough and I was a challenging kid.
00:01:15:13 - 00:01:42:04
Unknown
But now, as an adult and a parent living in the real world, I can't fathom ever behaved in that way. I can't imagine breaking my child's self-worth before even considering therapy. It's incomprehensible to me. Have any of you had similar realizations since becoming parents, even that less extreme? Wow. That's, uh. That's a strong one. Stan. Yeah. Yeah, There's.
00:01:42:06 - 00:02:08:14
Unknown
Yeah, it tough. And, you know, the thing is, I think what's interesting is there's always these assumptions. Jude is clapping for this. By the way, do this. Uh, this is not really a story that we're going to clap for, but, yeah, I no, there's a, I think there's this assumption that the parents universally get this, you know, I don't know.
00:02:08:14 - 00:02:33:03
Unknown
There's something in them where they are just automatically doing what's best for the child. The this whole idea of we're going to do what's best for the child is just understood and it really isn't understood. And this is and we've talked about this before, but this is another one of those examples of doing what's best for me, not doing what's best for the child.
00:02:33:05 - 00:02:51:05
Unknown
So I've said in the past, it's kind of like baseball tie goes to the runner. If if it's like, you know, we're not quite sure we're going to give it to the kid. But then there's cases where is obviously going to be something in the kid's favor. And we're going to we're going to show the benefit to the kid.
00:02:51:05 - 00:03:13:14
Unknown
We're going to give the benefit to the kid, not say, well, you know, let's let's, uh, let's benefit mom. Let's benefit dad simply because it would make their lives easier in their head, right? If it seems like it's going to make your life easier, there's a good chance that it might not. That this might be something that blows up in your head, in your face down the road.
00:03:13:16 - 00:03:40:14
Unknown
And, you know, one of the things that we like to say is pain now, pain later, you want to avoid temporary pain to help yourself feel better about your circumstances. And and and you think that there's not something down the road and then when you involve another person with it, well, now you're you're just creating more of a mess.
00:03:40:15 - 00:04:15:01
Unknown
More of a problem. I mean, this woman said that she thought about ending her life. I mean, what what do you feel like as a parent? I mean, say you find this out later on. I mean, sometimes in some cases there's no note. But what how do you feel when you find out that you've damaged your child to the point where they can't their mind is not strong enough to handle and manage the difficulties of everyday life.
00:04:15:03 - 00:04:50:22
Unknown
Life is hard. Life is really, really hard at times. And we've said before, parents number one job is to strengthen the minds, offense and defense. I mean, it's real straightforward. Like I want our kids to be able to to think, to be aggressive, to go after what they want and believe they can do it. But then on the on the other hand, I want them to be able to hear slights, insults, negative things or even get negative thoughts that just come to their head and be like, Nah, not for me.
00:04:51:00 - 00:05:11:11
Unknown
I'm not worried about that. That's your best little early only job. Like, I mean, there's there's other jobs, but yeah. Anyway, I'm I'm, I think the the parents are just people at the end of the day and there's no like manual labor that you get in the hospital like as soon as you have a kid. Like it's how you instantly deal with all of the great parents.
00:05:11:12 - 00:05:39:01
Unknown
I mean it's, it's a, it's a journey. And I think for some people, it's it's easier to have that mindset than it is for others. This is a little bit different because this is it sounds like it was deliberate and the mom was like deliberately choosing to undermine her kids self-esteem or I'm sorry. And this this might sound insensitive.
00:05:39:03 - 00:06:08:22
Unknown
I tend I tend to say things that sound insensitive, or at least I'm told by some people, um, it may you know, the thing is, grown people who make decisions to behave a certain way, that decision is on purpose, like and then when you carry out the activity, the function, the behavior, and you do it one day and then you do it another day and then you do it another day, that is intentional.
00:06:09:03 - 00:06:31:06
Unknown
Just because someone just because this woman had a whole formulaic plan, one that she thought was going to yield some great results for her. I mean, it makes the story sound like even worse. But the reality is this is literally no different from, I don't know, like anything else. As far as I'm concerned, people make me make choices and they know what they're doing.
00:06:31:08 - 00:06:40:05
Unknown
Like they know, you know, like we we you just know. So I'm you know, I don't know if this is that different.
00:06:40:05 - 00:06:49:07
Unknown
Anyway, so, yeah, I that might sound insensitive, but I just. I believe that yes, there is. It's like, Oh, there's no manual.
00:06:49:12 - 00:07:15:17
Unknown
Sure, there is no manual. But there are literally millions of other examples around you. There are books. Books have been written on this for forever. The Bible is a great one, talks about how to be a good parent if you don't if you're not into the Bible, there's other books for you and the decision to not read the decision to not educate yourself is also an intentional decision as far as I'm concerned.
00:07:15:19 - 00:07:34:14
Unknown
And and failing to make the choice to do what you need to do to get the job done is no different than like saying I'm going to like, decide not to take care of my family or I'm going to, you know, like, like who's, you know, like, oh, they were that's how their parent was when they when they grew up, their parents left them.
00:07:34:14 - 00:07:59:14
Unknown
And so they did the same. It's like, no, you you are a grown, fully formed person who gets to choose what you're going to do with your life. And we are not going I'm not making excuses for anybody. I like. My dad did a lot of that with my mom. Hey, sorry if y'all if y'all are watching my parents don't watch don't watch our podcast, which, you know, it's too bad because there's some good stuff.
00:07:59:14 - 00:08:19:14
Unknown
I say a lot of good things about y'all. So if y'all got on here on this day and you heard something you don't like, well, sorry. But the thing is, my dad did a lot of apologizing for my mom when we were growing up. My mom, you know, it's like she grew up on the South side of Chicago.
00:08:19:15 - 00:08:41:22
Unknown
Her life was really hard. And I got to tell you, I visited her family a couple of times and I hated it. It was hell. Like the existence, the lives that these people lived. I couldn't even understand how people live this way. It was you know, when you say Hood, it doesn't really even begin to describe what it was.
00:08:42:00 - 00:09:05:02
Unknown
It's people strung out on drugs. LANE Outside of the building that they live in, it's people drunk everywhere. It's it's, it's people literally like getting murdered, like not that far away. I mean, I didn't see it or hear about it, but I have friends who lived in that same area and told me stories. And it's it's terror. It’s terrifying.
00:09:05:02 - 00:09:38:22
Unknown
And and it's it's unnerving to be around. And then so when you have a family that you're trying to raise in that environment, stress and tensions rise and it's and it and it comes out in the form of behavior that's that's not beneficial to the growth of a child. But again, at some point, you move on from being a child and you become an adult and then you get to decide, do I want to continue to to pass that behavior on or not?
00:09:39:00 - 00:10:06:14
Unknown
And and that is a decision. And those behaviors are choices. And and that's that's that's where I am on it. But, you know. Yeah and I wasn't saying it to defend this in any way. I was just saying that this I think there's like a scale of how intentional a behavior is. And this seemed like it was, you know, very premeditated was the point I was trying to make.
00:10:06:16 - 00:10:39:22
Unknown
But yeah, I think I definitely am shocked at a lot of decisions that my parents made. I mean, it wasn't you know, when I think about the decisions that they made around building a relationship with me and communicating with me and letting them... letting me know who they were as people, like there was none of that. Like, my family was very closed in that regard.
00:10:39:22 - 00:11:18:01
Unknown
There was no, like, communication and there was no conversation. Like, I didn’t know who my parents were as people, what they believed in. We didn't do fun stuff together like to bond and to, you know, to create a strong family unit. There was a lot of conflict and and fighting. And, you know, when I look back at that now like that, it's it's hard to believe that that just was the case for so many years because, like, when I think about, you know, our family and our kids, like, it's just not acceptable.
00:11:18:06 - 00:11:43:09
Unknown
You know, it's not acceptable to to make your kids feel so isolated and so unloved. And how where they don't have anyone to turn to like, you know, there's so much that shapes who you are as an adult that happens when you're a kids And like it's it's you know, I see it as being like irresponsible to not try and invest in your kids.
00:11:43:09 - 00:12:11:13
Unknown
And build into them and get to know them as people and have them get to know you as people. And, you know, that's where you learn how to build relationships for the rest of your life. So I feel like my parents really missed on that. Like they didn't they didn't set a good example of what a marriage should be and what a family should be to, you know, for in a lot of ways.
00:12:11:15 - 00:12:31:23
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, and, you know, that's that's I think setting an example for what a marriage should be is is definitely tough. I mean, you know, talk about not having good examples that ones just if you didn't have a good example before, there's a lot there's a lot of books on that and and that's a lot of work.
00:12:31:23 - 00:13:17:21
Unknown
And I think that even more so today than than before, it's harder because everything's more expensive. Everything just seems harder, Everything's more complicated. Even though we've got so much more technology and stuff to just make our lives easier. So and to a certain extent, there's just this overload of ideas and concepts. I mean, y’all, we could read Reddit stories for years and, and, and there would be some little kind of tweak on a viewpoint that, that like, you know, maybe I should consider or maybe I shouldn’t.
00:13:17:22 - 00:13:44:18
Unknown
And it's like it can be difficult. So I think that's, um, that's a hard one. You know, I think my, you know, my parents got divorced. Uh, it was after I left the home, but, you know, I think they did their best to to show us, you know, this kind of love that they have for for each other.
00:13:44:18 - 00:14:09:11
Unknown
My dad was better at it, but it was like, he's modeling this kind of biblical type of love. My dad was a preacher. You also I you know, you'll hear me talk about this, you know, every now and then. And so I even though that didn't work, it didn't work out. Uh, I saw what it looked like for the effort to be made.
00:14:09:13 - 00:14:29:17
Unknown
The effort to not be yelling at each other, like in front of us. Like, you know, there was never, like, these crazy moments where things were getting thrown. I mean, my mom threw stuff at me, but I she threw a fork at me through, threw a spray starch can at me. She threw some stuff at me, but she had a terrible aim.
00:14:29:17 - 00:14:53:15
Unknown
So never, never landed. But I never saw my parents doing that. And so that was a concerted effort on my dad's part. And that's hard to do because, you know, especially when you're dealing with someone who, you know, might be behaving a little unreasonable, I'm not taking sides also because I'm sure my dad stepped into a lot of problems unnecessarily.
00:14:53:15 - 00:15:18:10
Unknown
Okay, Jude, what are you what are you trying to say right now? Jude’s trying to get into the fridge right now. Yeah. Yeah, you are. He's like, he's like, hurry up, hurry this up. Okay. So yeah, so you know, it's a that's a, that's a bit of a bummer to start, but like, I think that, you know, this is, this is life and everything is not all sunshine and rainbows and puppy dogs or kittens, if that's your thing.
00:15:18:14 - 00:15:37:16
Unknown
Uh, and I think most people probably have something that they would answer yes to that question. There's something in their background that they wish that parents have done differently, you know? Yeah, that's not exactly the question, though. I mean, I feel like, you know, is there something you wish your parents done differently versus shocked and like your parent?
00:15:37:18 - 00:16:05:20
Unknown
Apparently? I'll tell you one real quick story. This shocked me at the time, but I can't be shocked anymore. Uh, I had some chocolate covered raisins and they were delicious. Gone from the store. I think I bought them myself and I go to get the chocolate covered raisins and they're gone. And I'm like, Who ate my chocolate covered raisins?
00:16:05:22 - 00:16:37:14
Unknown
I'm asking people. I'm asking them like, who ate the chocolate covered raisins? And then somehow I find out is my youngest brother Lernard. And I was like, Lernard, are you serious dude? Like, why would you do that? Like, that's just really out of bounds. Like, horrible. Like, why would you why would you do this to me? And then he said, Well, Mama offered me some. And I was like, what?
00:16:37:15 - 00:17:07:13
Unknown
Yeah, Mama offered an offer them to me. So here's what actually happened. My mom saw that I had chocolate covered raisins, and rather than just eat them and do something horrible like eating my chocolate covered raisins, she decided she was going to enlist my youngest brother as an accomplice and then leave him literally, like with the empty bag of my chocolate covered raisins and and just drop the blame on him.
00:17:07:13 - 00:17:40:15
Unknown
It's like and then like. And so now I'm talking to her and I'm I don't know, maybe 13, 14 and like, why would you why would you why would you use your child to take from another one of your children? What a weird thing to do. Like, that was weird. Like. So she didn’t take them and then offer them to him? she, she, she so she took them and offered them to him so that she could then create the opportunity for her to consume them and like, use him as the scapegoat, essentially.
00:17:40:17 - 00:18:03:06
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Also my mom, man, I really hope she's not watching this. Sorry. My mom opened up credit cards in my name and destroyed my credit. I found out I found out as a rookie with the Miami Dolphins. Yeah, that was tough. We were going through the, you know, the whole thing of, Hey, watch out for yourselves.
00:18:03:06 - 00:18:19:11
Unknown
Look, you know, people will take advantage of you and we're going to get a credit report for you guys if you want it. And so we get the free credit report is this document that comes over, gets a little envelope, and I open mine up and it's like disaster, terror, like, I mean, it was like full on assault.
00:18:19:11 - 00:18:43:10
Unknown
It looked like it was like, yeah, it was. It was like it was just like my dad has the same name as me, Like I'm a junior. So it was like it was it was like identity theft lite and, and, and I'm like, well, I can't even do anything about this. I can't even report fraud because the result is your parent goes to jail.
00:18:43:12 - 00:19:09:19
Unknown
So I'm like, forced to just, like, eat it. And and I mean, y’all so interest rates are insane now but like back then, you know I'm an NFL player getting a loan on a vehicle and the best I could do was 17 and a half percent like on a on a vehicle loan. Like like, I mean, and I and I remember talking to my mom about it and she was like, I paid the money off. I don't see what the big deal is.
00:19:09:19 - 00:19:28:10
Unknown
I'm like, yeah, you were delinquent in the payments. And then my credit was ruined and then you paid it off. It doesn't matter now. It's on the record. And it’s fraud. And that, too. You stole my identity. Yeah. Really. Hope. You know, I might start this video out by saying
00:19:28:10 - 00:19:35:16
Unknown
I'm not gonna say my mom's name. I I'm here. Do not watch this video.
00:19:35:17 - 00:20:04:05
Unknown
This will upset you, but. But it's all forgiven. And everything's good. We're. We're good. We've moved past it. It's water under the bridge. My credit is fantastic. It took forever, but it's. It's great. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Yeah, but I suspect there are people out there who. Who actually, you know, are not who would say, you know, look, my parents, could they have done some things different?
00:20:04:05 - 00:20:28:16
Unknown
Sure. But like, am I shocked that they did something? No, I'm no shocks here. But yeah, I've got some shocks. I've got some things that we took a while talking about that one. But, hey, but it's okay, because, uh, if if y'all are here for the conversation, we're here to deliver it. Jude's having fun. Jude is having fun. He's. He's got food all over his face.
00:20:28:16 - 00:20:56:11
Unknown
But I feel like, you know, we should move in the interest of time. You going to pass that over to me? I'm going to read this next one is iPads are heavy, built, built, tough. Okay. All right. I like this story a lot, scolding another child. What would be the appropriate way to respond here?
00:20:56:11 - 00:21:24:16
Unknown
Earlier today, Sally and I were at our local Park’s water play event, enjoying the vibrant splash of the slip and slide. But a familiar shadow soon loomed. An older girl who has a history of being overly handsy began attaching herself to my toddler. This wasn't our first rodeo with her. She was the same child who who had given Sally a hard time at the library a few months back.
00:21:24:18 - 00:21:51:07
Unknown
Despite Sally's pronounced no thank you's and evident discomfort, the girl persisted with her intrusive behavior. I started with gentle interventions like Sally prefers to play alone right now. But as the girl's actions grew more aggressive, I felt the need to be more direct to my surprise and dismay, the girl's mother stood nearby, only occasionally, chiming in with a half hearted rebuke.
00:21:51:09 - 00:22:15:23
Unknown
This experience left me in a quandary. Was I too passive? Should I have directly confronted the mother or shifted Sally to another play spot? Although Jude, right? Although it would have seemed like a penalty for my daughter who was only there to have fun. Later, when my husband recognized the girl from a video I showed him, it solidified our concerns, chatting with other parents.
00:22:15:23 - 00:22:53:06
Unknown
It turns out our ordeal isn't unique. Many faced similar challenges with this child sparking discussions on whether a community meeting on playground etiquette is needed. We all want a safe and enjoyable environment for our kids. With the likelihood of crossing paths with this duo again, I'm pondering my next move. How do we ensure the safety and comfort of our children while also addressing concerns head on?
00:22:53:08 - 00:23:18:20
Unknown
I got to tell you, I mean, this one. Yeah, I'm you know, look, you know, there's a master class LeVar Burton puts on from Reading Rainbow. He teaches storytelling. I've been watching it and it's it's fun. I like telling stories. This is a great story. Uh, yeah. Would you like to begin? Like, how do we ensure the safety and comfort of our children while also addressing concerns
00:23:18:20 - 00:23:44:08
Unknown
head on? What would you do? I mean, you already know what I'm what I'm going to say, but yeah, I think the community meeting is going to be a giant waste of time. You know, these people probably aren't going to go to the meeting. And it sounds like this is a problem that has gotten worse and worse because nobody has said anything to the parents or if they have, you know, this level of care.
00:23:44:08 - 00:24:06:11
Unknown
But like it seems like a lot of people that just don't really want to say anything because nobody wants to have the conflict. So I think it's partially that. And then it's like a discipline issue with the kid. I mean, your kid is like acting out and bothering other kids. You need to correct that as a parent. Mm hmm.
00:24:06:13 - 00:24:34:13
Unknown
The community meeting isn't going to do anything. Somebody needs to go and talk to the mom or dad and, you know, have a direct conversation with them and figure it out. And then if that doesn't work, then I guess the kid is going to have to be told by either the parent or the child to back off. Or both. Yeah, this child is two and a half.
00:24:34:13 - 00:25:03:22
Unknown
So so maybe in a few years. But but you know, also the child should be old enough to be able to at least I mean, then she did say she said, No, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, all right. So. Mm. Yeah, I agree. I think that for me. So obviously we take our child to places where other kids play, and I.
00:25:04:02 - 00:25:36:18
Unknown
Boy, sometimes I'm just looking around and like, Hmm, what is happening here? This is. This is like a nightmare. Like, okay, uh, and, and I just kind of treat those moments like I treat every other moment. Like what? I'm going through my head, like, what would I do? What am I going to do if this kid who's acting like a feral animal run who's shouldn't even be in the baby play area of this place anyway, right?
00:25:36:18 - 00:25:57:21
Unknown
He's too old to even be in here. There's a sign that's huge and it's for parents to be able to read because the kid obviously can't read. Is too young. Too old to be in here, Too big to be in here. He's running around like like some, you know, animal with no training. And honestly, I shouldn't even say that because he's running around having fun like a kid.
00:25:57:23 - 00:26:15:05
Unknown
But, you know, he's also being a little disrespectful and it's like, what am I going to do if he runs into my kid, runs him over and knocks him down or whatever? Number one, I'm not going to overreact. But about like my kid getting knocked over, right? He's going to fall. These things are going to happen all the time.
00:26:15:07 - 00:26:32:11
Unknown
I kind of enjoy it when he falls and hits his head on the ground. I kind of like, you know, not like, enjoy it like, you know, But it's fun because I get to watch him recognize that he took a hit and then also recognize that it didn't really matter. Like he just shakes it off. It's like, whatever.
00:26:32:12 - 00:26:54:05
Unknown
And that's great because, like, that's what we are teaching him. So if he falls down and instead of saying, oh no, Jude are you okay? it's like, Hey, that was so fun. And he's like, ha ha ha ha... And it's just like, it's great. Like, he fell down the day in a pretty spectacular new way because he learned how well he discovered the broom was.
00:26:54:10 - 00:27:12:23
Unknown
He fell down with the broom, right? Uh hmm. What was it? Okay. He fell down with something. He. He was holding something. He fell down and he toppled over backwards, which usually when he falls, even when it looks like he's going to topple over backward in his head, on the on the ground, he just lands on his butt.
00:27:12:23 - 00:27:29:05
Unknown
And I think that's what most babies do. But to me, as an adult, it's weird to see, like, wow, okay, I didn't know you could do that, but this time he fell down backwards and and like, just kind of folded over. And it was and it was like he was a little surprised and I was like, Oh, what's going to happen here?
00:27:29:07 - 00:28:00:18
Unknown
I think it was yesterday when he was on the mat with, um. Oh, okay. Okay. Everybody had he had a thing. He had something. He always had something in his hands. So. Yeah. So I'm, I'm prepared for him to fall down or get knocked down, that's fine. But I'm also prepared to say something. So if I observe a child behaving erratically or in a way where the parent has the responsibility to correct something, I'm going to just like just be ready.
00:28:00:18 - 00:28:20:18
Unknown
And when it happens, I'm going to say, hey, I'm not even talking to the kid, I'm talking to the parent. You need to get your kid. You need to get your kid, get him under control. Like right now, he's not even supposed to be in here. I don't want to be like the you know, what's a I don't know, black man, Karen.
00:28:20:20 - 00:28:48:21
Unknown
You know, I don't know what the I don't know what I don't know what that is. I think we need to coin that term. I don't think there's a there's a thing I don't think black men even have the capacity to be a Karen. But like, I don't want to be that, if that's the thing. But I also I'm not like we all paid money to be at this place and I don't want to have to deal with your your child's behavior.
00:28:48:23 - 00:29:05:16
Unknown
And so, yeah, on that playground, that's a that's a thing. But another thing that I would say is I think we can do a better job of preparing our kids. That's right, Jude. We can do a better job of preparing our kids. Uh,
00:29:05:16 - 00:29:37:05
Unknown
Yeah, it's got. I've got a fresh cut of watermelon there. He's excited. So the, uh, the thing that. That I feel like parents might want to consider trying is, is being. Is is teaching your kid to be a little bit more aggressive when, when there are intrusions on their, you know, personal space. Right. The whole Sally’s pronounced no thank you's.
00:29:37:07 - 00:29:54:11
Unknown
I'm sorry, but our kid is not going to be taught to say no thank you when someone's touching him unwanted in an unwanted way, he's going to be taught to say, Get your hands off me and he'll say it. Maybe he'll have a British accent when he says it. We don't know how he's going to talk. He's not.
00:29:54:13 - 00:30:26:20
Unknown
He's he's saying some stuff like that, but maybe he'll say get your hands off me. Really? That's unfair. Unhand me you hooligan. Yeah. Get your hands off me. That is the that's the response. That's what what he's supposed to say and that's what our kids will say. Get your hands off of me right now. And Mike and. And look him in the eye.
00:30:26:21 - 00:30:53:19
Unknown
Right? Like right now. Jude's actually really good at staring people down. He is. He stares a lot of people down. Yeah. So when the words come, you know, people are already intimidated when he's staring at me, like, why is he looking at me like that? Why is this baby staring at me? It's because he doesn't trust you or doesn't like you. I mean, if he's just staring at you and he's not smiling like, you're in trouble.
00:30:53:22 - 00:31:24:06
Unknown
You've got some work to do to get on Jude’s good side. But yeah, no the community meetings, all that stuff. Also, this sounds like a really nice neighborhood, by the way. That sounds really nice. Yeah. Can we live in this neighborhood? I mean, Park Slope, right? Right. Like, come on. Nice. Yeah, but. But this sounds like a weird story from an episode of Desperate Housewives Shout out to Desperate Housewives.
00:31:24:10 - 00:31:57:18
Unknown
I love that show. Mark Kelly. Mm. Good stuff. Anyway, uh oh. Is there anything more to say about this? I don't think so. Okay. We're going to move to the next story, right? Keeping it moving. We got a little quicker on that one. That was good. Here we go. Rather good. Another iPad on the M three. The M three, uh, is am3 is over there.
00:31:57:20 - 00:32:29:11
Unknown
The M2. Yeah. Apple, silicon, the next generation M three, I think is where these things will be coming out soon. And that's a different YouTube channel. But, you know, you I've had all this go, All right, story number three, Wife always makes things more difficult, but we've gotten quite a lot of traction. Yeah. Okay. And a dance that my wife different rhythms.
00:32:29:13 - 00:32:53:12
Unknown
She's a staunch vegan. Well, I am not. We've always respected each of the dietary choices. The challenge arose when she insisted that our baby should also tread the vegan path until they're old enough to decide. This meant the day care’s menu was off the table and we had to pack special meals recently she’s taken it a step further, advocating that our baby should consume exactly what we do.
00:32:53:14 - 00:33:16:05
Unknown
So we've transitioned to a whole food vegan diet just fresh, fresh veggies, no substitutes. I respect her beliefs, but I can't shake the nagging concern about baby's nutritional needs. And unintentionally, I have been nudged towards a lifestyle I didn’t choose. Hmm.
00:33:16:07 - 00:33:45:16
Unknown
I didn't want to do this one, but I now feel like a little energized over this is a really good one. Okay, I want to start so this is it. I guess this is not exact This is not exactly the same situation, but I was a vegetarian my entire life. I was vegetarian for as long as I can remember when I was a kid.
00:33:45:18 - 00:34:15:16
Unknown
Since the age I remember being able to make decisions about food. I did not like meat. I did not eat it. I didn't eat fish. I still eat like like eggs and cheese, but I'm never ate any meat, up until the last couple of years, so well into my thirties when we were trying to have a baby and, you know, we had two miscarriages.
00:34:15:18 - 00:34:40:18
Unknown
And at some point along the path we made the decision that, you know, well, Otis did a lot of research and pointed out to me that I was probably malnourished and wasn't getting enough protein. So, you know, I begrudgingly gave it a go, you know, trying to incorporate more animal protein. And it's been a slow journey.
00:34:40:20 - 00:35:23:15
Unknown
But between that and giving up alcohol, you know, we then after having two miscarriages and made those changes, got pregnant, really got pregnant. And, you know, now we have our wonderful son, Jude. I gotta just add in a little, little something before because given up alcohol, the giving up alcohol meaning giving up alcohol while trying to get pregnant. Obviously when she was pregnant, she wasn't drinking alcohol big because because of the the idea is that, you know, well, you're supposed to stop drinking alcohol if you're pregnant, but so many people don't know they're pregnant for like at least four weeks and they're drinking.
00:35:23:15 - 00:35:55:10
Unknown
And it's like, oh, I had no idea. And the reality is every single second of the day that you're pregnant, cells are multiplying and that alcohol is literally creating the potential for mutations. And then the fuel that you're putting your body is also creating the potential for problems. And there's so little that doctors actually know. I mean, the really horrible thing about all this is like when you go through a miscarriage, these people can't tell you anything they don't know.
00:35:55:12 - 00:36:22:17
Unknown
They have no idea. And it's like, okay, why don't we start with the obvious stuff, I think and and, you know, maybe if if we behave as if we are we have what we want, then we'll have what we want. And so that that's when she stopped drinking alcohol. Just wanted to let y’all know. Because you know that that could come off a little wonky.
00:36:22:19 - 00:36:59:10
Unknown
Sorry, sorry, sorry. You gave up alcohol and started eating meat. Eating meat. And since I started eating meat, I have noticed a lot of changes. I mean, you know, I was able to carry a healthy child and, you know, when I was breastfeeding, eating animal protein made a huge difference. And, you know, since I've been eating it regularly, when we went to get pregnant the second time it happened pretty much instantaneously.
00:36:59:12 - 00:37:30:04
Unknown
And, you know, I think a lot of that had to do with with diet and no alcohol. So that's a very long way of getting to the point. Of, having gone through that experience with seeing in myself, the change that, you know, diet has made and kind of coming to the realization that, yeah, I was probably like malnourished for most of my life because I was not somebody that was making sure I was eating.
00:37:30:06 - 00:37:58:08
Unknown
I would eat the chickpeas and the fake meat. and eggs and all that stuff. But I wasn't really consciously monitoring how much protein I was having. And now that I have more knowledge about it and I know I should be having, I definitely wasn't having that. So I think that, um, putting your baby on a vegan diet is not, is not something that I would do.
00:37:58:08 - 00:38:24:01
Unknown
I think that it's really important to lay a foundation for a kid to not be a fussy eater for them, for their benefit, for their like for the nutritional benefit, and also for you. I mean, like if your kid is a fussy eater, doesn't doesn't eat a lot of things. I mean, I think about my parents when I was like, I'm vegetarian, you know, in the early nineties, it wasn't the thing really.
00:38:24:01 - 00:39:01:03
Unknown
It was just I was a facilitator and like looking back, like it was probably really difficult for them because, you know, they didn't know what the hell give me, you know. Mm. And it, you know, created a lot of unhealthy habits and stuff and weight issues around food. Yeah. I think that, I think that a dad who has four instincts that his body needs and nothing that is, is right to he needs to fight for giving his kids more variety of food.
00:39:01:05 - 00:39:29:10
Unknown
And this kid is literally just killing vegetables like there's no meaning, there's no milk, there's no cows, milk or metallic babies. But it seems like that's good. I mean, you know, whatever the kid wants to do when they're older, when they can make an informed decision is fine. But I women think that you should start out giving your kids a variety of food so that they have everything that they need.
00:39:29:12 - 00:39:56:10
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. I think, uh, so you're here. So I. Look, I, I tried the vegan lifestyle for six weeks, and I felt great for, like, the first three weeks, and then just things in my body just started to to happen. That was so weird. And I was like, okay, this, this diet. And I was, I was. Oh, baby.
00:39:56:10 - 00:40:22:07
Unknown
June to see the food. Maybe they're trying to shut you, trying to shut the podcast down early. We're almost done. Uh, you know, the, like, my body was responding in a way. It was revolting. I mean, I felt low energy. My brain wasn't working the way it normally worked. My memory was terrible. Focus, all that stuff. And, and I just was like, okay, I'm not going to do this anymore.
00:40:22:07 - 00:40:47:17
Unknown
I'm like, I'm losing nutrients. But then when you start doing the research, it's it's just clear that animal protein is literally the best the best source of protein. Yeah, you can get protein from plants, but like, you need a lot, you need 30% more plant protein. Uh, the way the way it works in your body. And I'm not like a nutritionist, I'm not a scientist.
00:40:47:17 - 00:41:12:20
Unknown
So I'm not going to explain this to you in a way where it makes sense. I should have some notes on this, but I didn't come prepared. Sorry. But the thing is, like, even the whole thing, like, with the strongest person, you know, in the world, like, it's like the strongest person in the world is a vegan. Like, yeah, this guy has a insane regimen to, like, make sure that he's able to get everything he needs.
00:41:12:22 - 00:41:37:05
Unknown
And there's still kind of questions around would he be even more highly functional if he actually ate animal protein? Like we we can't even make that comparison, right? Because a lot of the credit he's getting is for the work that he did to get strong. You don't just get like muscles because you eat things. You know, a lot of people just eat things and they gain weight if you don't if you don't do anything.
00:41:37:07 - 00:42:03:22
Unknown
So so looking at, you know, just some of this stuff just seems like common sense to me. But I will say that I have a friend, uh, whose sister is a vegan, and her husband is a pediatrician, and he basically was like, I don't care what you say you are going to eat some type of animal protein when you're pregnant with our kids.
00:42:03:23 - 00:42:29:06
Unknown
Like, like, and, and I was when I heard that this was before we had our kid, long before, when I heard that, I was like, man, that's aggressive. But I like it because this guy, this guy knows the science. He's he's done the research and he sees the difference between kids who, you know, are come from vegans and vegetarians and kids who come from people who have, you know, a well-rounded diet like these.
00:42:29:08 - 00:42:51:16
Unknown
It's like it's obvious. And sometimes I feel bad, uh, you know, when you get around people with their kids and they see how big our kid is and how far along he is, and there's always, you know, there's a lot of commentary around, well, every kid's different and, you know, things happen in a certain way. And you can never you never know.
00:42:51:16 - 00:43:22:08
Unknown
And, you know, that's true. There's everyone's different. But yeah, the things that we saw in his development in the womb, outside of the womb, the things that, yeah, you're getting, you're getting better. We're talking about you hear it? Should I, you know, hold my hand. The things that that we saw, that we've seen with him and with Jemma, like you mentioned, the breastfeeding the what's the what do they call the lactation consultant.
00:43:22:08 - 00:43:45:03
Unknown
This lactation consultant was dumbstruck by how much milk she she was producing. It was like she couldn't pump enough milk, but like where he was pointed while breastfeeding was so much that that she had to go. She went back to, like all of the people that she knows in this space. And they were like, Yeah, there's no we've never heard of that.
00:43:45:05 - 00:44:08:04
Unknown
We don't we don't understand that. And the thing is like, I understand because one, I'm praying for it, okay? And two, I'm in charge of cooking the meals, I know the macros, I know the macros, and when and when the typical, you know, pediatrician recommendation on how much more protein, you know, you should be consuming for your baby.
00:44:08:04 - 00:44:47:12
Unknown
Like when they say that I'm like I don't want typical, I want exceptional. I want like what is a elite, right? Don't give me average let's get like listen, if they say you need this much more calories and protein and all that, can we double it? Like, what can we do? How can we figure this out? Yeah, and I remember one time my sister, who is a vegan, she was breastfeeding her daughter and we would have conversations about like I would tell her about, you know, this journey that was going on with food and, you know, trying new things and slowly incorporating more and more.
00:44:47:14 - 00:45:08:14
Unknown
And she was asking me all these questions because she was like, I'm just so tired and exhausted. Like, you know, I'm not feeling great. And, you know, eventually we talked and I go, hey, I was like, look, maybe just try to start with eggs, right? You know, start eating eggs. And she was sure she did. And she noticed a difference.
00:45:08:14 - 00:45:37:02
Unknown
And then she ate some salmon and she noticed more of a difference. And it's like, I don't she's not fully on board with, um, with you moving away from things, baby, completely. But she's, she definitely noticed a difference when she started to incorporate those things and like, slowly doing it more and more. And it's a big it's a big deal for me to do it.
00:45:37:04 - 00:45:54:16
Unknown
So I was going on like mentality, like, why do I have to eat things that I don't want to eat? You know, I don't like this and I don't want to eat it for that reason. You see the difference that it makes. And when I you know, the difference is made in our son, it's it was worth it, you know.
00:45:54:18 - 00:46:19:14
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. And the answer that I always had for like, why, Why? Because, um, what I told her was I would like you to pretend like you are a professional athlete. I don't. I don't get, you know, I show up, I want this job as a professional athlete, and. And there are certain things about it, Like, I need to meet a certain weight requirement.
00:46:19:14 - 00:46:40:06
Unknown
You know how hard it was for me to keep my weight at 260? It was really, really hard that they wanted me. They weighed me every week. And it's like if I'm under weight, I'm in trouble. Like there's a problem, there's an actual problem. So I'm over here like crushing Gatorade before I weigh in, like doing everything I can.
00:46:40:08 - 00:47:02:15
Unknown
And and so it's just like and the reason why they're doing this is because they know that if you're undersized, you're going to get pushed around. And when it comes to food, it's just fuel. I mean, I want to enjoy my food. I like I love cooking, I love making good food, I love eating good food. But at the core of what food is, it's fuel.
00:47:02:15 - 00:47:28:18
Unknown
And and people have a lot of hang ups around food. And that's fine. But, you know, in in the case of whether or not you should have your kid on a vegan diet, obviously you can do what you want. You can definitely do what you want. But but I, I don't want to hear the excuses that you make down the road because you hear the excuses that people have all the time.
00:47:28:20 - 00:48:04:22
Unknown
I'm not going to name names or who the kids are, but I've seen kids who who who've grown up and who have parents who are a certain size and then the kids are not as big. And you look it looks like, what are you feeding them? And and it's like it's not. Yeah, it's not, it's not it's not the full range And you're you're you're hamstringing these kids like you're you're putting them in a tough position like every time, you know, a parent feeds a kid goldfish crackers.
00:48:04:22 - 00:48:25:10
Unknown
Right. Why You know, like, why, why not, like, find something else that you could give them? Like, like something like some cheese, Right? Like, there's there's, like, all kinds of nutrients in there or, I don't know, like, I mean, right now there's a block with salmon on it right now. Dude eats. He crushes salmon. He's he loves salmon.
00:48:25:10 - 00:48:48:16
Unknown
He eats poké. And, and, and it's like it annoys me because I want to eat more of the poké. And it seems like he's eating more than me some time. I feel like this stuff is not cheap. Sir. But. But, yeah. Um, you know, I think that as far as this guy feeling like this, this lifestyle is being forced on him, you know, hey, this is, this is the way these things work.
00:48:48:16 - 00:49:14:23
Unknown
Right? When we got together, I knew Jemma was vegetarian. I didn't have a plan to make her eat, but I knew I wasn't going to become a vegetarian. And so the thing is, there's something's always got to give. And my thing is, I'm willing to try anything, but I'm about results. And we tried it your way before, right?
00:49:15:00 - 00:49:31:02
Unknown
We tried it your way. And we can't. We can't claim that it was this thing for sure. But I do know and we didn't tell this story, but, you know, Jemma had this medical condition where she would feel like she had to pass out and sometimes she actually would pass out. She would pass out and she'd feel it beforehand.
00:49:31:02 - 00:49:56:02
Unknown
But sometimes they would just come on out of nowhere. And all these doctors, like, they're flummoxed. They're like, oh, the blood test, we did this and that and we can't figure it out. And I and I was like, I'm just looking at her and I'm like, I'm watching what you eat every day. You barely eat breakfast. Your your lunch is toast with with peanut butter, like, I mean, like, you know, toast with peanut butter.
00:49:56:04 - 00:50:17:20
Unknown
From the last episode, The snack of choice for certain parents at a kid's birthday, parties toast with peanut butter. That was her lunch. And I'm like, I'm looking at this like, how are how is your body supposed to function with with, with like, nonfuel? It's like putting like diluted gasoline in your car. Like if you bring your car to me and you're like, Oh, man, it's like puttering and it won't move the way it's supposed to.
00:50:17:20 - 00:50:38:15
Unknown
I'm like, Are you putting the right fuel in? So I'm looking at this. I was like, Hey, I actually have an idea theory, and I'm pretty sure that this is where it is. And she wasn't really feeling it, but then it all came to a head when she literally passed out in the grocery store. And I like I've never seen anything like this in my life.
00:50:38:15 - 00:50:57:13
Unknown
I had to carry her. So we had a big old bag like shopping cart of groceries. I had a carry picker up off the ground and carry her out to the car. It looked crazy like, what is going on? It's not an empty store is a you know, it's a nice grocery store. You're like, what is happening here?
00:50:57:15 - 00:51:17:03
Unknown
Right? I'm carrying her out of the grocery store. I put her in the car, I turn start the car, you know, run the A.C. because it's Texas. And I go back in and finish this grocery shopping and I come back and it's like and then, you know, we get home and I'm like, I'm done with this. Like, I'm done with this.
00:51:17:05 - 00:51:50:14
Unknown
I've watched you try it your way. You know, with all due respect, your way is not working. And and I believe with like 99% certainty that it's because of your diet. And if you would just let me make some changes. So there were very small changes to start out. But those small changes led to like just, okay, now we have enough fuel to not be passing out tonight, even like, feel like I need to pass out every single day.
00:51:50:15 - 00:52:11:03
Unknown
Not saying that you never have the feeling ever, ever, ever. I don't know. You know, I'm not in your body, but it's it's it's rare. And it was just from that from that one change. So then it's like, okay, we made some small changes. You're not eating nearly as much as I think you should. But now we're past like the starvation level, right?
00:52:11:03 - 00:52:33:23
Unknown
Like this. And she's not like, you know, she wasn't she never seen an eating disorder. She's just a vegetarian. Like, it's know, maybe. Maybe that's a no. I'm joking. I'm. Hey, vegetarians out there. I'm not calling your thing an eating disorder. I'm not saying that. But it does it does compromise you. And you do have to eat a lot more food than you realize.
00:52:34:01 - 00:52:54:13
Unknown
They don't tell you that. And even when you feel when you feel full, it doesn't mean you got the nutrients that you needed. So. So it's like if you're not counting the nutrients, you're not paying attention. You could be putting yourself in a position to where you're more compromised when it comes to illnesses. And I know a lot of people say, Oh, I'm vegetarian, I never get sick.
00:52:54:13 - 00:53:19:02
Unknown
Like, okay, well, let's just wait until like something actually real happens. Because when your body needs to tap into, like, resources for something serious, not a cold, like, like what happens then? And, and, and so I just I just and this is speaking from a person who's tried it like, I'm not I'm not like, just looking at you and judging.
00:53:19:02 - 00:53:42:19
Unknown
Right. I just I tried it and I tried it because a former NFL player, he lost a bunch of weight. He was you know, he had all these, like, changes in his life. And and he he wasn't full vegan. He just ate like meat once a week. And I was like, wow, that's interesting. And then I watched the Forks over Knives movie and, you know, and I was like, Oh, we got to save the world.
00:53:42:21 - 00:54:02:07
Unknown
I got to save the world. I got to do my part and and man, that did me in. So, uh, well, I, you well know, the thing is, I think that there, there are more sustainable ways to go about consuming meat. Like, you don't have to eat like, you know, your, you know, ten times your allotment in meat, right?
00:54:02:09 - 00:54:27:18
Unknown
There are people who overdo it, and that is definitely unhealthy. Um, and then, you know, the processed meats and things like that, but the science is has changed. I feel like they're not. Yes, dude, yes, yes, it's changed. I feel like there was a there was like some type of study that recently came out. The other was from was it the W.H.O.?
00:54:27:20 - 00:54:47:19
Unknown
I'm going to look for this and link to it, you know, So there was a study that came out and this report was like 250 pages. I have not read it because it's 250 pages and the print is small. But the findings were essentially like, hey, you know what? You know, we were wrong about like, meat. We were dead, dead wrong, like dead wrong.
00:54:47:19 - 00:55:19:15
Unknown
And the thing is, like, yeah, it's got like a really bad rap. Yep. Cows, milk, all that. Yeah, I think because of the study, like, oh, well, eggs potentially can raise cholesterol, but it's not the kind of cholesterol that you need to live is actually the good stuff that helps and it doesn't cause a long time. Feels like a temporary thing.
00:55:19:15 - 00:55:47:00
Unknown
So yeah, I can't remember exactly the way around it, but yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Your grandma said you should be like real dairy and real foods then. It's true. It's like, completely swung from like the seventies where everyone was saying that to this whole, like, vegetarian and vegan thing. And now it's like the pendulum is swinging back to us, eating a variety of food and protein and including.
00:55:47:04 - 00:56:10:22
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think a lot of people have made the mistake of looking around and saying, Oh, we're all like overweight and we're going to blame it on, you know, meat. And it's like, no, blame it on the, the all the process, the garbage, the garbage that they put in your food. This is it's, it's there is something different but we're to have to just make our own food.
00:56:10:22 - 00:56:33:11
Unknown
We're going to be careful and pay attention to where it comes from. Um, but yeah, it's, uh, it's a, it's a thing. And I can't imagine there's too many people who who find themselves in these in these situations. I think for the most part, vegans are with vegans and vegetarians or vegetarians or, you know, something close to it.
00:56:33:11 - 00:56:58:21
Unknown
And I don't know, there's a whole lot of people out there who find themselves. I don't know. I don't know about the comments. Yeah, yeah. We're supposed to be we're supposed to be prompting you guys to, to, uh, you know, comment likes like subscribe. We're just having a conversation here. Honestly, I'm more concerned about making sure Jud is, uh, he's.
00:56:58:22 - 00:57:32:11
Unknown
He's over here just in some more watermelon. I see, baby. Just chilling. Making a mess. Uh, yeah, we can talk about this for forever, but I think it's probably time for you to go to bed, and, uh, we've we've had a great conversation. And let us know what you think. Thanks for listening. Oh, also, Hey, if you get some thoughts and things you want to hear us talk about, you know, just curious about what, we think, I mean, if you really care and you want to know if you've got your own stories, what we think if you have your own if you have your own stories.
00:57:32:11 - 00:57:55:14
Unknown
Right? Like, I mean, we're reading these stories. We're finding these stories on Reddit and other places. But if you have stories that you know, where you just like like I'd like some, you know, outside counsel on this, you know, there's no judgment. Like, I'm not I'm not judging you. You want to you want to feed your kid a vegan diet like I'm fine with my kid being bigger, stronger, faster.
00:57:55:16 - 00:58:20:17
Unknown
You're like, I'm okay with that. Like, there's no judgment. I'm like, That's fine. I'm joking. You know, everyone has the right to do what they want within, you know, the law, the limits of the law. So, yeah, sharing our experience. Okay, well, this is fun. And thanks for joining us. You guys have an awesome day, right? See you next month.