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Becoming sustainably human at work isn't a small undertaking. It often means letting go of systems and behaviors that don't serve us individually or collectively.
So what do we do? As individuals, as groups of folks, as leaders? How do we carve out space for our humanity while making sure we're not the only ones? How do we thrive in the workplace while not imagining we must be superhuman? How do we cultivate spaces that are generative and healing, creative and extraordinary?
I don't have the answers to those questions. And, to be fair, I don't believe one human can EVER have all the answers to those questions. I'm working through those questions every day.
This podcast curates for you a set of folks with an opinion worth listening to and sharing. So join me as I ask people I admire to share their wisdom with you in accessible doses.
Join me on my quest to become sustainably human at work.
Welcome to What's Leadership?
I'm Liz Wiltsie.
The more I learn about leadership,
the more I'm convinced there's
not a one size fits all solution.
So I am on my own learning journey
and I invite you to join me.
EbonyJanice reminds me that being
open about my journey is important.
Each episode features someone I admire
with actionable insight to share.
So please join me as I
ask what's leadership?
I'm so excited to welcome my guest today.
Colin Bedell.
Colin is a queer, Gemini twin
from Long Island, New York.
He's a passionate student of secular
growth systems and the universal spiritual
themes explored in A Course in Miracles.
Complimenting his work with Queer Cosmos.
Collin is the weekly horoscope
writer for cosmopolitan.com.
He's written more multiple bestselling
books, including A Little Bit of Astrology
and Queer Cosmos: The Astrology of
Queer Identities and Relationships.
And his third book, Gemini,
debuts in January of 2020.
And I'll tell you that I asked
him here because he and I have
a shared love of Brené Brown.
So I'm super excited, to
really dive into the ways that
astrology informs leadership.
So Colin welcome.
Thank you Lee.
And thank you for having me.
I know that spirituality and secular
leadership, aren't always intersection
that people get to talk about.
So thank you so much for inviting
me to talk with you about that.
Yeah, I'm excited.
So let's get straight to it.
What is the number one
challenge that leaders face?
Informed by Dr.
Brené Brown's book Dare to Lead, I
think it is just all the ways that
we armor up ourselves against just
criticism and critics and feedback.
It's really, it comes down to that.
I think it's the armor we wear.
Not the fear it's armor.
Because leaders are afraid all the
time, but they don't have the armor on.
And I think what gets us into a
lot of trouble is when we believe
that perfectionism and just not
like disengagement or mean-spirited
criticism like that actually works.
It doesn't.
Yeah.
So what, on the flip side, what is
your sort of tip for dealing with that?
Yeah, well, I think what I believe, and
this is actually something that The Course
of Miracles speaks about often is in
your defenselessness your safety lies.
And so what that means is that we want to
proactively assume and perceive that every
single person has something meaningful
and creative and brilliant to contribute.
And so that's really the way I look
at leadership as a person who holds
space for the brilliance of others,
it takes responsibility to cultivate
that, assumes it proactively without
evidence, and then gets out of the
way so that people can do that.
Yeah, I'm going to literally, I'm
gonna play that back after we wrap
this and I'm going to write it all
down and it's going to be great
because those four things were amazing.
Right.
Four, right?
So assume it in others, right?
That's really brilliant.
So do you have a kind of tangible
way that you encourage folks to
sort of lean in to those pieces?
Yes, I think it, it, it really does
come down to not being tolerant of
our own mind, wandering, you know, I
think we need to really understand that
concentration, mindfulness, focus, and
the discipline of intellectual follows
through is the way to start here.
And that leadership is a skill
that is absolutely teachable and
contagious and just transferable.
And so my skill that, you know, or
the, the real encouragement that I
have for others is to just develop
the capacity, to learn how to
focus and to show up to the party.
Yeah.
With mindfulness, I have a 10 minute
meditation routine that I have every day,
and I'm also just real cognizant of when
I've gone off the intellectual rails.
So yeah.
Do you have anything in particular
when you've gone off the rails
that helps you get back on?
Ooh.
Yeah, I would.
I just can immediately spot it
is where I'm at in my meditation
practice is I know when, like I have
intellectually vacated the premises.
So it's just a matter of returning
and just, just announcing, okay.
I have to pay attention to how
I'm showing up and I'm leaning
into this conversation,experience.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think one of the things that has
come to me in this work is that so many
folks can't spot it in themselves when
they have gone off the rails or when
they're starting to go off the rails,
like to catch it and be like, Oh, wait.
And then things go way
sideways, real fast.
Yes.
Well, actually there's a tip for
that because there's a lot of things
I could take us off the rails.
It could be shame, distraction,
a lot of different things.
And one of the tips that Brené Brown
gave in her book, men, women, and
worthiness is she asks people to tap
their neocortex, which is the part
of the brain in between the eyebrows.
To get people back to showing up because
the neocortex is the part of the brain
that makes critical executive decisions.
And when we are in shame
or like disengagement or
numbing, it goes all offline.
So you could just, it's a little weird
and awkward, but just tap, tap, tap, tap,
tap, tap, tap, tap the part of the brain
so that you can show up to the party.
Wow, that I'm going to like practice that.
Cause I, I know those things, right.
I know about how parts of your brain
shut down in different situations,
but I've literally never heard that.
So I'm excited to put that in practice.
And Liz, I promise it works.
I have to do it regularly, regularly
when I'm having a conversation like this.
And when I'm reading a client or when
I'm working with people, fortunately,
I think my, my meditation practice
has allowed me to just be present
90% of the time, I would say.
But if I'm in shame or emotional
compromising, that's when I
do the tap tap, tap motion.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what is, I know we've talked
about Brené, we're obviously
both fans of Brené Brown.
What is a book or concept talk,
whatever that's been really
impactful for you, of hers or anybody
else, any, any thing, anything.
Oh, my God so much.
I think, related to leadership
though, it would be Bernay's
book dare to lead, right?
Because I don't think we have come
to understand under the full moon and
Taurus today as this being recorded.
November 12, just how efficiently
and simply our lives can be.
If we know the two to three values
by which we stand on everything.
I mean, it's really that simple.
And she has the vast majority
of the book dedicated to what it
means to live into our values.
And a lot of us are scattered
and we have more than three.
And if you have more than three,
you don't even have priorities.
Right.
So I think what's been so helpful for dare
to lead is it's really consolidated and
concentrated leadership style to finding
two to three values by which your state
of being stands, cultivating that in your
relationships with others, and then seeing
through those collaborations, what you
can do to contribute in the workforce.
Right?
And so spirituality and connection are.
Mine.
And so my, about my spirituality, which
means I have to take a serious amount of
time every week to research and study what
universal spiritual themes are and what
they look like in day to day practice.
And then I do my best to cultivate a
lot of, learning on relational theory
and relational technology and relational
sciences, so that I can put that in
my work as well, because loneliness is
the number one public health crisis.
And I believe that spiritual seekers
have a devout responsibility to be one
of the problem solvers in that arena.
And because those are my primary values.
I know where I stand and
I know what I need to say.
And I know when I need to be quiet and I
know when they need to listen and I know
what opportunities are good fits for me.
I know which ones aren't because of that.
And I've never felt more sure
or convicted of who I am and
what I stand for in my life.
Yeah.
Yeah, that makes total sense.
And it just it's like, okay, I
can, it's like my train tracks.
Right.
It's like, I know, I know what
my train tracks look like.
Right.
And I can like, do the thing.
Right.
Yes.
Do the thing.
And I love that.
You said it makes sense because
that's the wisdom of spirituality is
that life is extremely complicated,
but spiritual truth is very simple.
Choose your values, make
choices from their values.
Live into those values every night,
knowing you are who you claim to
be, and you will have peace period.
And be able to articulate
them to other people.
Right?
So that one, the people who, you know,
have values that work with yours can
find you, the people who actually care
a little bit less about your values can
stay away so we can all have a good time.
Yeah.
Right.
And then we could also have
discourse and debate about that too.
Like if, if people want to
call into question, you know,
why are you so relational?
And what about the fact that
co-dependence and what about this one?
I'd be happy to go there with them.
Right.
I'd be happy to talk about spirituality.
It's the path of the
heart, but you're right.
I mean, I think more often than
not, when you stand in integrity,
your and I'm going to go.
Woo, woo.
But your energetic force fields
just tells people, honey, I'm
not the one so don't even try it.
Don't even try it.
Cause it won't end well for you.
So don't even think about it.
Yeah.
I, I have gotten as I've gotten
older, to a place where I'm like,
I just really want to be as, as
truthful with people as possible.
So they can make an educated decision
about whether then whether or not
they want to spend time with me.
And it's like, okay, cool.
And you know, you know what you're
getting versus like people who sort
of are, have a kind of a front, right?
That's like, okay, like me,
if they knew too many things
and I'm like, here's my thing.
It's not for everybody.
Right, right.
It's totally fine.
Feel free to exit.
But if you're here, you
know what you're getting.
Right.
Exactly.
And is it, and then also to Liz,
like how beautiful that you then
have the ultimate peace of mind
that people chose you for you?
Right.
Right.
Rather than the feeling, Oh my God.
You know, I have to keep this
facade up and I got to keep being
perfect, the perfectionistic,
that people please, whatever.
And I think what we should say to
your listeners from a real, just
straight talk please straight on
standing point of view is that if
you are performing and perfecting
and people pleasing, it outs itself.
Don't kid yourself.
People know it, they smell it.
So just, if you think that other people
don't know you're doing it, I'm so sorry.
You're really, really mistaken.
Particularly in leadership, right, right.
You're right.
It's like a sort of, you know, house of
cards really, people will we'll find it.
They will, they will.
Whereas authenticity, absolutely
outs itself very quickly.
And so it's okay.
If you are kind of new to this
conversation and you realize,
wow, this isn't working great.
And now let's get to work.
Yeah.
So what should I have
asked you that I didn't?
I just thought, I thought your
five questions or four questions
rather were absolutely lovely.
You could ask me, what am I reading
currently and what I say, right?
I'll say that I'm reading Octavio
Paz, the double plant, a double plane.
It's just absolutely extraordinary.
The Double Flame, I should say.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what about you?
What are you reading?
What am I?
So I am reading another one of my guests
named Desiree Adaway, recommended a book
called Feminist Accountability to me.
And so accountability is my jam.
And so, I, I got it from my local,
Independent bookstore here in
Los Angeles that I just adore.
And, so that is on my list.
I haven't started it yet, but
I, that is where I'm headed.
I love it.
Well, I will give it a peruse
and that we should talk about
it the next time we meet up.
Great.
Colin, thank you so much.
Thank you so much, Liz.
It's been a pleasure.
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