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As our final episode of Season One of the Begin Again Leadership podcast, we've saved our BEST begin again story for last. A second chance. Three of the most beautiful, hopeful words ever spoken. Victoria Mininger never set out to write a book, much less a book about depression. In fact, she didn’t really even aspire to be an author. Yet, after a season when overwhelm turned to darkness, Victoria dared to fight. Her second chance not only helped herse...
Host Winston Faircloth explores fresh starts and the journey of transformation in the Begin Again podcast. When an identity that once served you no longer fits, this is the place we will learn from the experience of others. Whether you are facing a pivot, coming up to a crossroads, or hitting the wall, join us for inspiration and encouragement as you Begin Again. See MyReunionTour.com for more resources.
Winston Faircloth: Hey there,
it's Winston Faircloth and
welcome back to Episode 59 of
the Begin Again Leadership
Podcast. Well, it's almost a
year to the day since we started
this podcast. And this is the
end of season one of our begin
again, leadership podcast. And I
am so happy to bring you a story
that I think is like the
ultimate wrap up of this very
first season a Begin Again story
that is just going to touch your
heart and inspire you to take
action.
And my guest today is Victoria
Mininger. Now, who is she? Well,
she's a wife, a mom of four,
owner, CEO and integrator, Bear
Creek outdoor living, which is a
residential construction firm.
But she's also an author,
writer, and speaker. And she is
an amazing member of a
mastermind that I'm a part of,
and she has the Her story is
been wrapped up in a beautiful
book that is coming out in early
January 2021, which is called
Daring to Fight: When Grit,
Grace and Faith Take Depression
Head-on. And I know you're going
to love this conversation with
Victoria. So Victoria, welcome
to the Begin Again Podcast.
Victoria Mininger: Well, thank
you for having me, Winston, I
appreciate it. Good to be here.
Winston Faircloth: So tell us a
little bit about who you are the
people that you serve, and maybe
a begin again moment in your own
life.
Victoria Mininger: Yeah, so I'm
a wife, to Brian, for the last
24 years is are the most
important things. And I am a mom
to four girls. I am a CEO and
integrator at Bear Creek outdoor
living, which is a construction
company that I own and run with
my husband. And so we we have a
team about 39 staff right now.
So really, you know, while we
serve a large clientele in our
area for all their construction
outdoor needs for us who we
truly feel like we serve as our
people first and foremost, and
that sort of thing. And as far
as to Begin Again, story, I
think probably started probably
about six years ago, when I went
through a really dark season of
depression and anxiety. And it
was out of that season that I
actually started the company
that I run now. And so yeah, I
think that probably would be my
biggest begin again moment. I
can think of
Winston Faircloth: I was gonna
say it sounds like to in one
here, both a personal and a
professional version of that. So
where would you like to? I think
this is a fascinating story. I
think so many people are going
to be helped and served by you
sharing. So where would you like
to start,
Victoria Mininger: I think
probably started the beginning
of that, which was really that
season that that dark season for
me because it was out of that,
like it said that the business
kind of started and for me,
personal professional, they they
cross so often that they just
become the kind of they become
one.
Winston Faircloth: Exactly. I
think it's hard to separate that
both for your people and for you
as the leader, right. So it's,
it's kind of hard to show up. As
I recall, you feeling the sense
of overwhelm this, this kind of
dark season came up gradually.
It was not like a catastrophic,
a moment or event it came upon
you kind of gradually
Victoria Mininger: again, it did
it really was probably building
over two years. And now that I
look back, I realized that it
was there, you know, having a
degree in psychology and all
that you would think that I
would like recognize the
symptoms and yeah, no, I didn't.
I was like two years in and all
of a sudden I'm like, oh, okay,
let me start being honest with
myself. This is probably what's
happening. And really, it was
coming out of a season of just
extremely busy for for me and my
family. My husband at the time
was a pastor by vocational
pastor. So he was working a lot
of hours and running a ministry
at the same time. I was Pap,
why? I've been raising for a lot
season two, you know, cause some
of that overwhelm. And part of
that, you know, my part of that
was that I just took on too much
for too long. And I crashed
hard, kind of at the end of that
season.
Winston Faircloth: Yeah, there's
you reach this moment of
threshold, right where you were
trying to juggle the business.
The role of being a minister's
wife. All of these things were
kind of around you at the same
time and you hit this threshold
and I remember in your book you
you had a moment that of
recognition finally that this
was enough.
Victoria Mininger: I did yeah. I
was actually doing some side
work that that my husband had
picked up I was painting at home
possible things and and stuff.
But it gives you a lot of time
to think when you're painting a
really big house. And so it was
it was this moment of going, if
I don't drop everything right
now, I may not be here next
year. And that had never crossed
my mind ever before. I have
always been one who's been very
outgoing and bubbly and worked
hard, had no trouble working
hard. And it was a new thought
to say, I'm going to let
everybody down because that's
how I felt and drop everything
right now. So I can take care of
myself. And that was a new
concept. Taking care of myself
was an incredibly new concept
for me.
Winston Faircloth: As a
recovering people pleaser, I've
recognized this moment. And you
know, we all grew up with this.
put others first mindset put
others first mentality. And you
probably
Victoria Mininger: I did well, I
grew up on a dairy farm for one.
And if you ever grow up on a
farm, you know, work is never
ever done. You get you know, you
just work until it's finished
until the next day starts. But
you know, growing up is in my
book, you know, sitting in
Sunday school and the Sunday
school teacher, you know,
talking about the joy of the
Lord Joe why, and it stood for
Jesus others in yourself. And
what I took that to me was, Oh,
well, I must always put Well,
Jesus first, but then others
next, and then myself very
elected the end degree, and got
that really backwards in a lot
of parts of my life. It's not
that we don't care well for
others. But when we do that at
the expense of our own health
and our own self care, then we
really put people at risk, you
know, the people we care for at
risk just as much.
Winston Faircloth: It's really
hard to serve people. Well, when
we feel so depleted.
Victoria Mininger: Yeah, it does
very well. There's nothing to
get from, you know, it's it's
this whole empty cup you can't
get from an empty cup. You know,
as our friend Dan Miller said,
you have to get out of the
overflow of what what's been
filling you up. And I wasn't
doing that most certainly.
Winston Faircloth: So you you've
literally hit a wall. I mean,
it's almost figuratively you've
hit a wall here. And so what
happens next? I mean, how do you
how do you overcome that
situation?
Victoria Mininger: Honestly, I
didn't know I, I definitely hit
a wall, I dropped everything,
all the ministries off my
plates, all the responsibilities
I had at the time, my husband is
part of his work, he was working
somewhat from home. And so he
was a he literally picked up all
the responsibilities of our
family of all the ministry
stuff, it shifted, where it
needed to shift. And I literally
laid on the couch for it's about
three months, because I wish I
just had hit that wall so hard.
And I didn't quite know what to
do next, I spent a lot of time
praying and crying out to God, I
started looking for resources
and, and people to come save me
and none of that belay bear
until that moment that I just
felt like God really broke
through and just said, Okay,
it's time to start getting up
and start doing something
because he was the only one that
was going to save me from that
place. And, and, but I was going
to need to do some efforts, in
that I was going to need to take
some figurative and literal
steps to start getting healthy
again.
Winston Faircloth: And that's
what you did, you actually took
a walk, because every call
Victoria Mininger: I did around
the calco. Because at the time,
we actually lived on a little
bit of a of a farm ourselves, we
had about 10 acres there. And I
got up and I just put my shoes
on and I'm like, Okay, I'm just
gonna walk around the fields,
and I'm probably gonna be
exhausted, but I'm gonna at
least do this once. And I only
went around one time that day.
And progressively from there, I
started walking more and more.
Because, again, now that you
know, a lot of what I know now
is that when we start moving,
and we start exercising, it
begins to help us not only
physically, but mentally as
well. And so that was really the
beginning for me, and also the
beginning of my search of, Okay,
how do I really get back to
help? I don't want to stay here.
I knew I didn't. And so it was a
long road, it's been a long
road, I will never tell anybody
that, Oh, well, you know, I just
started walking. And then I was
all better, because it's not
true. You know, the reality was
I had to do a bunch of different
things, and continue to do those
things today, six years later,
in order to stay and remain
healthy. And it's a fight. It's
hard. It's not easy at all.
Winston Faircloth: And what I
loved about your book, when you
shared the story was that it's
almost like you're hacking
yourself here in terms of, you
know, figuring out what is
really going to help you come
through this dark season. And
you know, whatever other people
have done, or whatever other
people have tried may or may not
work for me or may not work for
you. And you You seem you had
the spirit of experimentation it
felt like to me as I was reading
your story and watching you go
through that.
Victoria Mininger: Yeah, it for
me It had to be because I you
know, I look for resources, and
most certainly there are
resources out there. But I was
looking for a more holistic
resource of, you know, because I
knew that it couldn't just be
one thing. It wasn't about just
going to the doctor or the
counselor. All of those are
important and necessary at
times. But yeah, it was I was
kind of like reverse psychology
on myself, I guess a bit, but it
was kind of Yeah, figuring out
what were those things and and
yeah, you Right. I mean,
depression and anxiety is super
complex, there is no easy answer
or even one answer to just what
might work for one person, I've
sat with enough people long
enough and in, in leading
support groups long enough to
know that every single person is
unique and different. And how
they approach that in their life
is going to be a little unique
and different. But But what is
the same is the pain comes from
that season. And so it's
learning to address that pain in
a holistic way so that you can
begin to get some traction.
Winston Faircloth: So what did
you find to be most effective
for you in your own kind of
psychological hacking? You have
figuring this out for yourself,
what was really helpful for you?
Victoria Mininger: Yeah, I think
it was, you know, like I said, I
approach it a lot of different
ways. I went to the doctor saw
counselor for season of time,
worked at my health, but
honestly, it was learning how to
play to rhythms into my life. So
like, in the morning, I have a
very specific morning rhythm
that I go through, you know,
getting up making sure I have
quiet time and prayer
meditation, and then spending
some time reading as and then an
evening rotation of a rhythm
where, you know, I'm pausing
from the day and maybe doing
some reflecting, and then just
some reading and just kind of,
you're not always having to do
anything really resting. And
then I have rhythms to my week
where you know, specific days, I
do specific things. And that
kind of thing, is what has
helped me the most, so that I'm
making sure that I'm staying on
track. And I can tell you, if I
get out of rhythm on some days,
like if I'm traveling or
whatever, I can begin to sense
and feel those things now. And I
just know, I need to pause and
get back to my rhythms.
Winston Faircloth: So this, this
journey ultimately led you to
sharing your stories for a book,
How did that come about?
Victoria Mininger: Well, I can
tell you, I did not set out to
write a book. And I feel like
I'm a little bit of an
accidental author. But I had
been leading a support group for
the last year and a half and
again, was struggling to find
kind of curriculums that worked
for our group. And I was a lot
of times in those classes,
sharing my own story. So find
the like Victoria would give,
please just write this down, you
know. And then I had folks
within my mastermind group that
just really encouraged me. And
so I honestly started out to
just write it like a small
little eight week curriculum.
And as I wrote that, I'm like, I
can't really write this without
telling my story a little bit.
And so that, that it became and
started developing into a book.
And yeah, so now now we have a
book getting ready to launch and
super excited about that. And,
and again, just follow the
breadcrumbs on that one as much
as I could.
Winston Faircloth: And so we
will, we'll have you on as a
guest to tell your business part
of this story a little bit
later. But I think it's just
been a remarkable journey for
you in terms of the
vulnerability, the openness and
the willingness to share this
kind of change. How are you
feeling? Now? what's what's
Kovats thrown everything up in
the air? For sure. So staying
with those rhythms has really
helped you through this process?
with COVID.
Victoria Mininger: Yes, yeah,
staying with rhythms and also
surrounding yourself with
healthy people, people that
that, you know, are willing or
able to speak into your life and
you stay connected to it's been
hard during COVID. Right, it's
had to do a lot of zoom
meetings, it's been a lot of
phone conversations. And that's
the thing that's so much
gathering in person, but staying
connected to those those people
that really can influence your
your life and in a good
direction way. It's also Yeah,
staying with the rhythms, you
know, knowing when you get off
track and, and grieving losses.
I think COVID has been one of
those things where we're
experiencing losses in our life,
because loss is not just the
loss of somebody that has passed
away loss can be of a job, or
rhythms or just normal life as
we knew it and stuff. And so,
you know, to be mindful about
that. But really, I wrote the
book, because I knew I wasn't
the only one that folks were
before. It was like, Yeah, I'd
read books and stuff. And they
would tell me to, you know, well
just have more faith or or just
go do this or whatever. But
there was no practical way.
Like, how did how do you hold on
to that? What do you What does
that mean? And so finding real
practical ways to care for
myself has been super helpful in
this in this crazy year that
it's been.
Winston Faircloth: And the other
thing I think that I loved about
your your reflection in the
book, too, was when you have
people in your life that you
love, and you see that they're
in this kind of a dark season,
how to best be with them how to
best respond to that.
Victoria Mininger: Yeah, and we
all do we all know somebody
that's walking through this and
so because I can tell you that I
think people are surprised at
times that I went through that
season. You know, I'm a business
owner. Now I run a successful
company, and they look at my
life and like, oh, it must be
just great and stuff, but I went
through this really dark season,
because depression affects every
single person. It is no
respecter of person. It doesn't
matter how much money you have
in the bank, whatever. It
affects people at all levels,
all ages. And, and so yes, we
all I think know somebody that's
walking through a dark time or
maybe maybe moving into one So
one of the things I learned, you
know, our flesh response wants
to say, Well, if someone's
really hurting, we're gonna give
them time and space, and we're
going to step away. But what
they need is the presence of
people. They don't need to to
have the answers or necessarily
know exactly what to do, but
simply to stay present with
them. You know, I had one friend
during that dark season that
would just send me text messages
every once in a while she lived
at a distance, so we couldn't
always get together. But she
would, she would just like, hey,
just wanna let you know, I'm
thinking about you, whatever,
you don't have to respond. just
want you to know, I'm thinking
about you. I'm still here. And
that was my lifeline for a long
time for a long, long time of my
struggle and stuff. And so yeah,
I, I think that's, that's the
biggest piece of advice I can
give is stay present with
people, let them know that you
care.
Winston Faircloth: Beautiful. is
so so important in it,
especially in the season, we're
having to be distant from each
other. And we're having to do
mostly virtual type connections.
Even more important, I think. So
tell us about the book and and
how people can get it, how they
can connect with you more
importantly.
Victoria Mininger: Yeah,
absolutely. Well, the book is
called daring to fight. When
grit, Grace and face take
depression head on. And it'll be
releasing January 12 2021. So
depending on when you're
listening to this, you can
either pre order it now, or if
it's after January 12, you
certainly can find it, wherever
you are sold. And for right now,
you know, before that launch,
release, you can also find it
over on my website, Victoria,
Menninger calm. And so there,
you know, I do some blogging
there. And then, as well as on
Facebook, I have an author's
page, Victoria minear. And then
over on Instagram, too, you
could find me there. And there's
a little bit more about my
family and life. And I do a
little bit of everything. But
that's where you can find me.
Winston Faircloth: Well, thank
you so much for sharing your
inspiration, hope and your
experience here today with our
audience, I know you've really
touched a lot of lives. And I
have to tell everyone on this
podcast, I have ordered, I've
ordered more books to start
giving away because I've enjoyed
it so much. I've given my own
copy away. Now I'm starting to
order more copies is that
meaningful, important to share.
So I know you're gonna really
benefit from this book, and I
can't wait for you to get your
hands on it. So thank you,
Victoria, for being our guest on
the podcast today.
Well, thank
Victoria Mininger: you for
having me and helping to just
give you this conversation and
get the message out, I really
appreciate it.
Winston Faircloth: So I'm going
to include in the show notes
today, a link to Victoria's
book. I love this book, I have
given it out multiple times
already. I've ordered it from
her direct site, which I'll
include in the show notes. And
it's time, you can also pre
order it on Amazon, if you want
to order it there. So I'll have
links to both here in the show
notes. And I just want to say
thank you so much for
subscribing and being part of
season number one on the begin
again leadership podcast. And
for our next episode, we're
going to have the promised
change that I've been talking
about now for several weeks, a
new focus for the podcast. And
we're going to have a very
special guest Season Two coming
up next week. And as a reminder,
you can catch our next episode
every Monday morning, make sure
to subscribe on Apple podcast or
any of your favorite podcast
players, so you don't miss a
single episode. And check out
the show notes for a special
thank you when you leave a
heartfelt review as we've shared
on every episode number from
number one to 59 remember the
biggest breakthroughs in life
and business occur The moment
you decide to begin again. I'll
catch you on the next episode.