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Begin Again is for people in the second half of life who sense that the identity they've been carrying no longer fits. Host Winston Faircloth — spiritual director, daily poet, and fellow traveler — brings honest conversation, personal story, and original poetry to the journey of remembering, releasing, and returning to who God created you to be. Visit www.myreuniontour.com for more resources.
Hey there. It's Winston Faircloth, and welcome back to episode 59 of the Begin Again Leadership Podcast. Well, it's almost a year to the day since we started this podcast, and this is the end of season one of our Begin Again Leadership Podcast. And I am so happy to bring you a story that I think is like the ultimate wrap up of this very first season, a begin again story that is just going to touch your heart and inspire you to take action. And my guest today is Victoria Mininger.
Winston Faircloth:Now who is she? Well, she's a wife, a mom of four, owner, CEO, and integrator of Bear Creek Outdoor Living, which is a residential construction firm, but she's also an author, writer, and speaker. And, she is an amazing member of a mastermind that I'm a part of, and she has her story has been wrapped up in a beautiful, book that is coming out in January 2021, which is called Daring to Fight, When Grit, Grace and Faith Take Depression Head On. I know you're going to love this conversation with Victoria. Victoria, welcome to the Begin Again podcast.
Victoria Mininger:Well, thank you for having me, Winston. I appreciate it. Good to be here.
Winston Faircloth:So tell us a little bit about who you are, the people that you serve, and maybe a begin again moment in your own life.
Victoria Mininger:Yeah. So I'm a wife to Brian for the last twenty four years. These are the most important things and a and a mom to four girls. I am a CEO and integrator at Bear Creek Outdoor Living, which is the construction company that I own and run with my husband. And so we have a team about 39 staff right now.
Victoria Mininger:So really, you know, while we serve a large clientele in our area for all their construction outdoor needs for us who we truly feel like we serve as our people first and foremost, and that sort of thing. And as far as the begin again story, I think probably started probably about six years ago when I went through a really dark season of depression and anxiety. And it was out of that season that I actually started the company that I run now. And so yeah, I think that probably would be my biggest begin again moment that I can think of.
Winston Faircloth:I was going to say it sounds like two in one here.
Victoria Mininger:A little bit.
Winston Faircloth:Both a personal and a professional version of that. Where would you like to I think this is a fascinating story. I think so many people are going to be helped and served by you sharing. Where would you like to start?
Victoria Mininger:I think probably start at the beginning of that which was really that season, that that dark season for me because it was out of that, like I said, that the business kind of started. For me, personal and professional, they they cross so often that they just become they kinda they they become one.
Winston Faircloth:Exactly. I mean, it's hard to separate that both for your people and for you as the leader, right? So it's kind of hard to show up. As I recall you feeling this sense of overwhelm, this kind of dark season came up gradually. It was not like a catastrophic moment or event.
Winston Faircloth:It came upon you kind of gradually.
Victoria Mininger:It did. It did. It really was probably building over two years. Now that I look back, I realized that it was there, you know. Having a degree in psychology and all that, you would think that I would like recognize the symptoms.
Victoria Mininger:And yeah, no, I didn't. I was like two years in, and all of a sudden, I'm like, Oh, okay, let me start being honest with myself. This is probably what's happening. And really, it was coming out of a season of just extreme busy for me and my family. My husband at the time was a pastor, a vocational pastor, so he was working a lot of hours and running a ministry at the same I was pastor's wife and raising forth a lot season to, you know, cause some of that overwhelm.
Victoria Mininger:And part of that, you know, my part of that was that I just took on too much for too long, and I crashed hard at the end of that season.
Winston Faircloth:Yeah. You reached this moment of threshold, right, where you were trying to juggle the business, the role of being a minister's wife, all of these things were kind of around you at the same time and you hit this threshold. I remember in your book you had a moment that of recognition finally that this was enough.
Victoria Mininger:I did. Yeah. I was actually doing some side work that that my husband had picked up. I was painting a house of all things and and stuff, but it gives you a lot of time to think when you're painting a really big house. And so it was.
Victoria Mininger:It was this moment of going, if I don't drop everything right now, I may not be here next year. And that had never crossed my mind ever before. I have always been one who's been very outgoing and bubbly and worked hard. I had no trouble working hard. And it was a new thought to say, I'm going to let everybody down, because that's how I felt, and drop everything right now so I can take care of myself.
Victoria Mininger:And that was a new concept. Taking care of myself was an incredibly new concept for me.
Winston Faircloth:As a recovering people pleaser, I've recognized this moment, and you know, we all grew up with this, put others first mindset, put others first mentality, and you probably grew up
Victoria Mininger:I did. Well, I grew up on a dairy farm for one, and if you ever grow up on a farm, you know, work is never ever done. You get you know, you just work until it's finished, until the next day starts. But even growing up, just said my book, you know, sitting in Sunday school, and the Sunday school teacher, you know, talking about the joy of the Lord, J O Y, and it stood for Jesus, others, and yourself. And what I took that to mean was, oh, well, must always put, well, Jesus first, but then others next, and then myself very left to the end degree.
Victoria Mininger:And I got that really backwards in a lot of parts of my life. It's not that we don't care well for others, but when we do that at the expense of our own health and, our own self care, then we really put people at risk, you know, the people we care for at risk just as much.
Winston Faircloth:It's really hard to serve people well when we feel so depleted.
Victoria Mininger:Yeah, it does very much. Well, there's nothing to give from, you know, it's it's this whole empty cup. You can't give from an empty cup. You know, as our friend Dan Miller said, you have to get out of the overflow of what what's been filling you up, and I wasn't doing that most certainly.
Winston Faircloth:So you've you've literally hit a wall. I mean, it's almost figuratively, you've hit a wall here. And so what happens next? I mean, how do you overcome that situation?
Victoria Mininger:Honestly, I didn't know. I definitely hit a wall. I dropped everything, all the ministries off my plates, all the responsibilities I had. At the time, my husband, as part of his work, he was working somewhat from home. And so he was able he literally picked up all the responsibilities of our family, of all the ministry stuff.
Victoria Mininger:It shifted where it needed to shift. And I literally laid on the couch for about three months because I was just had hit that wall so hard. And I didn't quite know what to do next. I spent a lot of time crying and crying out to God. I started looking for resources and people to come save me and none of that belayed there, until that moment that I just felt like God really broke through and just said, okay.
Victoria Mininger:It's time to start getting up and start doing something. Because he was the only one that was gonna save me from that place. And, and I but I was gonna need to do some effort in that. I was gonna need to to take some figurative and literal steps to start getting healthy again.
Winston Faircloth:And that's what you did. You you actually took a walk as I recall.
Victoria Mininger:I did around the Calcouncil because we at the time, we we actually lived on a little bit of a of a farm ourselves. We had about 10 acres there. And I got up and I just put my shoes on and I'm like, okay, I'm just going to walk around the field, and I'm probably going be exhausted, but I'm going to at least do this once. I only went around one time that day. And progressively from there, I started walking more and more because, again, now that, you know, a lot of what I know now is that when we start moving, we start exercising, it begins to help us not only physically, but mentally as well.
Victoria Mininger:And so that was really the beginning for me. And also the beginning of my search of, okay, how do I really get back to health? I don't wanna stay here. I knew I didn't. And so it was a long road.
Victoria Mininger:It's been a long road. I will never tell anybody that, oh, well, you know, I just started walking and then I was all better, because it's not the truth. You know, the reality was I had to do a bunch of different things and continue to do those things today, six years later, in order to stay and remain healthy. And it's a fight. It's hard.
Victoria Mininger:It's not easy at all.
Winston Faircloth:And what I loved about your book when you shared this story was that it's almost like you're hacking yourself here in terms of, you know, figuring out what is really going to help you come through this dark season and, you know, whatever other people have done or whatever other people have tried may or may not work for me or may not work for you. Mhmm. And you seem you had the spirit of experimentation, it felt like to me as I was reading your story and watching you go through that.
Victoria Mininger:Yeah. For me, it had to be because I, you know, I looked for resources, and most certainly there are resources out there. But I was looking for a more holistic resource of you know, because I knew that it couldn't just be one thing. It wasn't about just going to the doctor or the counselor. All of those are important and necessary at times.
Victoria Mininger:But yeah, it was. I was kind of like reverse psychology on myself, I guess, a little bit. But it was kind of, yeah, figuring out what were those things. And and, yeah, you're right. I mean, depression and anxiety is super complex.
Victoria Mininger:There is no easy answer or even one answer to just what might work for one person. I've sat with enough people long enough and leading support groups long enough to know that every single person is unique and different. And how they approach that in their life is going be a little unique and different. What is the same is the pain that comes from that season. And so it's learning to address that pain in a holistic way so that you can begin to get some traction.
Winston Faircloth:So what did you find to be most effective for you in your own kind of psychological hacking of figuring this out for yourself? What was really helpful for you?
Victoria Mininger:Yeah, think it was, you know, like I said, I approached it a lot of different ways. I went to the doctor, saw a counselor for a season of time, worked at my health. But honestly, it was learning how to place rhythms into my life. So, like in the morning, I have a very specific morning rhythm that I go through, you know, getting up, making sure I have quiet time and prayer meditation, and then spending some time reading. And then an evening rotation of a rhythm where, you know, I'm pausing from the day and maybe doing some reflecting and then just some reading and just kind of, you know, not always having to do anything really, resting.
Victoria Mininger:And then I have rhythms to my week where, you know, specific days, I do specific things. And that kind of thing is what has helped me the most so that I'm making sure that I'm staying on track. And I can tell you, if I get out of rhythm on some days, like if I'm traveling or whatever, I can begin to sense and feel those things now, and I just know I need to pause and get back to my rhythms.
Winston Faircloth:So this this journey ultimately led you to sharing your story through a book. How did that come about?
Victoria Mininger:Well, I could tell you I did not set out to write a book, And I I feel like I'm a little bit of an accidental author. But I had been leading a support group for the last year and a half, and, again, was struggling to find kinda curriculums that worked for our group. And I was a lot of times in those classes sharing my own story. So finally, like, Victoria, would you please just write this down? You know?
Victoria Mininger:And then I had other folks, within my mastermind group that just really encouraged me. And so I honestly started out to just write it like a small little eight week curriculum. And as I wrote that, I'm like, I can't really write this without telling my story a little bit. And so that that it became and started developing into a book. And, so now now we have a book getting ready to launch and super excited about that.
Victoria Mininger:And again, just followed the breadcrumbs on that one as much as I could.
Winston Faircloth:We'll have you on as a guest to tell your business part of this story a little bit later, but I think it's just been a remarkable journey for you in terms of the vulnerability, the openness and the willingness to share this kind of change. How are you feeling now? COVID's thrown everything up in the air for sure. Staying with those rhythms has really helped you through this process with COVID?
Victoria Mininger:It has. Yeah, staying with rhythms and also surrounding yourself with healthy people, people that are able to speak into your life and you stay connected to. It's been hard during COVID, right? Been a lot of Zoom meetings, it's been a lot of phone conversations and that sort of thing, not so much gathering in person. But staying connected to those people that really can influence your life in a good direction way.
Victoria Mininger:It's also, yeah, staying with the rhythms, you know, knowing when you get off track and grieving losses. I think COVID has been one of those things where we're experiencing losses in our life, because loss is not just the loss of somebody that has passed away. Loss can be of a job or rhythms or just normal life as we knew it and stuff. And so, you know, it's to be mindful about that. But really, I wrote the book because I knew I wasn't the only one that where before it was like, yeah, I'd read books and stuff, and they would tell me to, you know, well, just have more faith or just go do this or whatever.
Victoria Mininger:But there was no practical way, like, do you hold on to that? What does that mean? And so finding real practical ways to care for myself has been super helpful in this crazy year that it's been.
Winston Faircloth:The other thing I think that I loved about your reflection in the book too was when you have people in your life that you love and you see that they're in this kind of a dark season, how to best be with them? How to best respond to that?
Victoria Mininger:Yeah, and we all do. We all know somebody that's walking through this and some because I can tell you that, I think people are surprised at times that I went through that season. You know, I'm a business owner now. I run a successful company, and they look at my life and like, oh, it must be just great and stuff. But I went through this really dark season, because depression affects every single person.
Victoria Mininger:It is no respecter of person. It doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank, whatever. It affects people at all levels, all ages. And so yes, we all, I think, know somebody that's walking through a dark time or may be moving into one. And so one of the things I learned, you know, our our flesh response wants to say, well, someone's really hurting, we're gonna give them time and space, and we're gonna step away.
Victoria Mininger:But what they need is the presence of people. They don't need you to have the answers or necessarily know exactly what to do, but simply to stay present with them. You know, I had one friend during that dark season that would just send me text messages every once in a while. She lived at a distance, so we couldn't always get together. But she would.
Victoria Mininger:She would be just like, Hey, just want to let you know I'm thinking about you, whatever. You don't have to respond. Just want you to know, I'm thinking about you. I'm still here. And that was my lifeline for a long time, for a long time of my struggle and stuff.
Victoria Mininger:And so, I think that's the biggest piece of advice I can give is stay present with people. Let them know that you care.
Winston Faircloth:Beautiful. Is so important and especially in this season we're having to be distant from each other and we're having to do mostly virtual type connections, even more important I think. Tell us about the book and how people can get it and how they can connect with you more importantly.
Victoria Mininger:Yeah, absolutely. Well the book is called Daring to Fight: When Grace and Faith Take Depression Head On, and it'll be releasing 01/12/2021. So depending on when you're listening to this, you can either preorder it now, or if it's after January 12, can certainly find it wherever books are sold. And for right now, you know, before that launch and release, you can also find it over on my website, victoriamininger.com. And so there, you know, I do some blogging there.
Victoria Mininger:And then as well as on Facebook, have an author's page, Victoria Mininger. And then over on Instagram too. You can find me there and there's a little bit more about my family and life and I do a little bit of everything but that's where you can find me.
Winston Faircloth:Well thank you so much for sharing your inspiration and hope and your experience here today with our audience. I know you've really touched a lot of lives and I have to tell everyone on this podcast, I have ordered more books to start giving away because I've enjoyed it so much. I've given my own copy away, now I'm starting to order more copies. It's that meaningful and important to share. So I know you're gonna really benefit from this book, and I can't wait for you to get your hands on it.
Winston Faircloth:So thank you, Victoria, for being our guest on the podcast today.
Victoria Mininger:Well, thank you for having me and helping to just continue this conversation and get the message out. I really appreciate it.
Winston Faircloth:So I'm gonna include in the show notes today a link to Victoria's book. I love this book. I have given it out multiple times already. I've ordered it from her direct site, which I'll include in the show notes and it's time you can also pre order it on Amazon if you want to order it there. So I'll have links to both here in the show notes and I just want to say thank you so much for subscribing and being part of season number one on the Begin Again Leadership Podcast.
Winston Faircloth:And for our next episode, we're going to have the promised change that I've been talking about now for several weeks, a new focus for the podcast, and we're going to have a very special guest season two coming up next week. And as a reminder, you can catch our next episode every Monday morning. Make sure to subscribe to an Apple Podcast or any of your favorite podcast players so you don't miss a single episode and check out the show notes for a special thank you when you leave a heartfelt review. As we've shared on every episode from number one to 59, remember the biggest breakthroughs in life and business occur the moment you decide to begin again. I'll catch you on the next episode.