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We’ve all been in that place where we’ve tried everything we know how to do, and nothing is working. The offer doesn’t land, the shift doesn’t happen, the result won’t come. Our instinct is to push harder or figure it out.But what if “nothing is working” isn’t a problem to solve, but a moment to listen?In this solo episode, Barb explores the deeper intelligence inside these breakdowns. She shares personal and client stories that reveal how often the real invitation is to return to zero, loosen our grip, and get curious about what’s actually trying to come through.When all else fails, it’s usually not about effort, strategy, or discipline. It’s about meeting what’s underneath, the truth, the clarity, the next chapter that’s already forming.If you’re in a season where things aren’t clicking, this conversation will help you see why that might be the beginning, not the end.Thank you for listening to the Innerverse of Business and Life Podcast. For more resources like this, visit Barb's website at Barbarapatterson.com (https://barbarapatterson.com/).SHOW NOTES:[00:00] - Welcome to the Innerverse of Business and Life Podcast[00:56] - Navigating Moments of Failure[09:55] - The Power of Surrender and Curiosity[19:14] - Finding Freedom in Letting Go[33:52] - Thank you for listening!SHOW LINKS:Subscribe to the podcast on YouTube Follow Barb on LinkedinFollow Barb on Instagram
We’ve all been in that place where we’ve tried everything we know how to do, and nothing is working.
The offer doesn’t land, the shift doesn’t happen, the result won’t come. Our instinct is to push harder or figure it out.
But what if “nothing is working” isn’t a problem to solve, but a moment to listen?
In this solo episode, Barb explores the deeper intelligence inside these breakdowns. She shares personal and client stories that reveal how often the real invitation is to return to zero, loosen our grip, and get curious about what’s actually trying to come through.
When all else fails, it’s usually not about effort, strategy, or discipline. It’s about meeting what’s underneath, the truth, the clarity, the next chapter that’s already forming.
If you’re in a season where things aren’t clicking, this conversation will help you see why that might be the beginning, not the end.
Thank you for listening to the Innerverse of Business and Life Podcast. For more resources like this, visit Barb's website at Barbarapatterson.com.
[00:00] - Welcome to the Innerverse of Business and Life Podcast
[00:56] - Navigating Moments of Failure
[09:55] - The Power of Surrender and Curiosity
[19:14] - Finding Freedom in Letting Go
[33:52] - Thank you for listening!
This podcast is a space to explore the profound connection between our inner world and our work in the world. We dive deep into the heart of what it means to live and work from a felt knowing of our essential selves – aligned, alive, and fully expressed. We’ll play at the intersection of business, spirituality, consciousness, and growth.
Through intimate conversations with thought leaders, change-makers, authors, and humans just like you and me, you’ll hear real stories of transformation and the internal shifts, “aha” moments, and wake-up calls that have helped them to access new dimensions of creativity, higher levels of intelligence, unlock dormant potentials and experience greater joy and fulfillment.
Barbara Patterson (00:58)
Hi, welcome back to the Interverse of Business and Life. I'm Barb Patterson. Today, I want to explore what happens or what we can do in that moment when all else fails. Yesterday, I was a guest speaker inside of Ila Coates Mastermind and
We explored this very thing because for a lot of solopreneurs, a lot of leaders, mean, really even when we're trying to shift behavior or shift something within our own lives, think we've all had that experience when we feel like we've tried everything and nothing is working. We've tried to create structure, but we don't really change or we've tried to get clearer and that doesn't really create kindness.
change. There's all sorts of things we start to get busy in when the way we want it to go isn't working or the outcome we're hoping for doesn't come into fruition. So for business people or â entrepreneurs, it might be that you're wanting to create a product, but it doesn't sell. No one wants it. You're trying to create a team, but you can't find the right resources or
Perhaps you have a new course or a new offering and no amount of thinking about it or talking to people or trying to fine tune the language of it is creating actual butts in the seat. And it's at these moments that I want to explore with you today. Like, what do we do? Often what happens in those moments, if you're anything like me, is I just start trying harder. I start pushing harder. I start thinking harder. I start...
trying to figure out what needs to happen to make that thing happen. You know, I think it was...
Martha, I think it was Martha Beck that has a quote that says something like, if it's not working, don't try harder. The not working is a place to actually stop and pause. But for many of us, because we really want the thing we want or we feel up against a deadline or we've decided this thing that we're trying to do, this behavior, this product, this course,
It's the answer to our prayers. so often in those moments, we just start putting more effort in. And yet what I've come to see for myself and the people I work with is when all else fails is a perfect opportunity for accessing more of the creative intelligence within. It's an opportunity to stop
and listen deeply to what is going on here beyond the surface to get out of the trapping of the mind that just wants to solve the problem of making it happen, figuring it out, tweaking it so that you can get the result you want. To step away from that and drop in and listen and see, is there something there that you hadn't considered before? What is...
trying to make itself known? What's trying to reveal itself to you that maybe because in your earnestness and your drive and your push, you have been unable to sense it or to hear it? You know, I can think of a couple of examples here. One for me is last spring, so earlier this year, I was working on this program and it was for people who work with
leaders and teams inside of businesses. It's something I've done for over 30 years and I had â ran a program similar to it the year before with a lot of success and so I was launching it again. But it wasn't getting any traction and so I was trying to figure out why. So I tweaked the website, I sent more emails, I rethought the packaging, I rethought the offer.
And for weeks, I was working on this and really puzzled. And one morning I just, I sort of realized, wow, the amount of time, like actual physical time I have spent trying to rework it, rethink it, know, change its form a little bit, see if I was, I could change the language and it would make a difference. Or just also the mental time trying to figure it out.
I was like, I have sincerely lost a lot of time over the last few weeks. And I think in that moment, I just had sort of a surrender and like, maybe it's not meant to be. But there was something about throwing in the towel or it's not meant to be that didn't quite feel accurate either. So I got curious and â just got open.
And over the next couple of days, I started to get in here because I took filling the class and figuring it out off my mind to the best that I could, right? Not perfectly, but I took that off my mind and I started to just be open and curious, like, what's here? What is present? What information is in this for me? Not to fix it, right?
but to see like what else? Is there another opportunity here? And sure enough, I was driving, doing some errands and I started thinking about this four month program that I had wanted to create. And that was kind of in a new area for me. It wasn't completely like a radical shift, but it was â outside of the business framework and really more into
people â personal development in a way, just to speak to it that way and embodiment. And in the car, I could feel the energy around it. I could feel the excitement. I was imagining who I might bring and what we might do. And then I realized, maybe this is what wants to be.
shared like this is what is alive in me. I'm trying to create something from a past when that I really love and it's content I love and you know things I've learned and so it's not that I didn't like it but this had definitely had a different energy in me around it. So I decided I'm like okay well let's just lean into that and see what happens. So within a day or two I had this whole program mapped out I
had put together a PDF because I just wanted to share it with some people. I started to share it and it got like immediate enthusiasm around it. So I moved forward with that. Now, it didn't mean that there weren't any bumps with that, you know, or any challenges. There were, but there was something different about meeting those challenges. Like I was up for it. They didn't look like complete roadblocks.
They didn't have me wonder if I should throw in the towel. They did have me, you know, get a little uncomfortable or have to, you know, kind of encourage myself at times. But the difference in that was I could see, wow, I had spent months and like I said, over that shorter window of time of a few weeks, an immense amount of time and energy and mental bandwidth on something.
Ultimately, I wasn't behind anymore. Like it just wasn't where my heart was. It wasn't where my interest was. It wasn't what I was into. And really this new program and this new four month immersion I was creating was in alignment. And I could feel it because in addition to being, you know, kind of energized internally, I was taking action.
I might have had some bumps and some stalls along the way, but I was able to keep following the nudges. I was able to stay the course around this. So often when all else fails, when you feel like you've been trying really hard and something just isn't clicking, rather than saying I'm the problem, rather than saying it's the industry, it's the market,
What if we first go within and take the opportunity, see it as an opportunity, as a nudge to listen, to go within and listen, to see what's alive, what's really there? If you could do it anyway, what would you do? Are you attached to this particular thing because you've tied it to an identity like, you know, â that it...
If you were able to achieve this, it would mean you're respectable or have you, â is it worked before? So you just want it to work again. There can be all sorts of reasons why letting an idea go can feel challenging to us. But if we can do that, if we can just in a way come back to zero inside ourselves, just get really open and curious about, okay, let me let this.
take this off my mind, take trying to solve it, take all my effort and all the pushing around it off my mind for just a moment. Doesn't mean you're going to abandon it, right? You're just willing to go back to zero inside yourself. And when you do, that is where, when you give your presence to what is there beneath the noise, beneath the struggle, beneath the problem, you will get information.
you will hear, you'll start to get a sense of things. Sometimes it's really clear, other times it's kind of the smell of something. And we just stay open and allow us, stay interested, stay not intensely. You know, this isn't a, I'm gonna listen really hard. gonna listen, I'm gonna push myself to really listen. It's just an openness and a curiosity.
Because as we've talked about before, the more our internal state, our inner climate slows down and becomes more relaxed, the natural, â we naturally open up and we naturally are able to access more creativity, more of our knowing in that space. So one is potentially what wants to come through isn't the thing you think you should. And can you listen?
and trust what's alive and what's present. The other thing that can be in this moment of when all else fails or why something isn't working.
The other story that I want to share is I was working with the founder who had in a fairly fast period of time created a product and taking it to market and it was doing really well and it was getting valued in the high millions, hundreds of millions of dollars. And as the company was growing and his team was growing, he needed to adjust the way he was in the business.
right, a very normal evolution. I forgive me, but I forget the exact author. There's a reference to in leadership, are you on the dance floor or are you up on the balcony? And that analogy spoke to him and he could really see that he wanted to be on the dance floor. I mean, he could, it really spoke to him and he could see that he was on the dance floor more often than the balcony.
And he had a desire to switch that. He could see that it was the smart thing to do, that it would help everyone out. And the leadership team and the employees also agreed with them. They wanted him less in the day-to-day in the weeds of everything and more in doing one of his sweet spots, which was vision and bringing people along and the external partnerships that they need to cultivate. But what was happening is he kept
getting pulled in. Now, for a while, he was trying to solve that problem. And, you know, he was, did a lot of things to try and solve it. He talked about, â he made sure that the executive team and him were on the same page about the vision, where they were headed, why he thinks what's matters to him. They had put in communications and practices in place that
These are the decisions that we bring him in, the rest we don't have to. Like they had created these conversations and these structures and these systems so that he could feel more comfortable being up on the balcony. But it wasn't working. He was consistently going back in. Or he tried to go on the balcony and moved himself so far away.
from the dance floor that that created a whole nother set of problems for everyone, for the company and him. So then he had to come back and he felt like when he got closer to the dance floor, he had to get back on there again to fix everything. So at this point of our work together, was really, you know, what's needed here. And so rather than trying to solve the problem of the dance floor, right,
and come up with more strategies or more ways that he could feel comfortable letting go or that he could trust his people more, right? Rather than going in that direction, the opportunity of when all else fails here was really to go and just follow in the moment and in the presence to get curious about what else could be going on here, what else could be happening.
And sure enough, one of the things that came out was how uncomfortable it was to have more space, more space in the day, more space inside, more space in life. And in that uncomfortableness, there was some unmet
decisions, unmet feelings, unmet â judgments about his life, himself, the way things have happened â in a personal relationship. And so what really was there to be met wasn't, got to get more disciplined, I got to get more committed, I got to trust more.
It was, â can I be with, now that I actually can and have the space, can I be with all those unmet places inside of me? And that was going in that direction is where ultimately his deeper intelligence was taking him.
And that direction was the direction of ultimate freedom, right? Which is what he was trying to gain with being up on the balcony was more freedom, more freedom to be the type of leader he wanted to be, to be doing more of the visionary work for the organization and to let the amazing team members do their job. But first and foremost, there was a journey around inner freedom with life.
and the decisions and the choices and the implications of a number of historical choices he had made. But when we got to the heart of the matter and we went for what was actually wanting to be met, that didn't take years, right? That took some willingness, openness, some honesty and humbleness and vulnerability. But
It wasn't impossible. But you can see where his nervous system prior to the conscious awareness, prior to what else could be going on here, his nervous system and his mind were like trying to protect him from this, trying to keep him away like, that feels uncomfortable. Let's not even bring it to our conscious attention. Let's just stay busy, stay active.
And I think we all have that to some degree or another. Our nervous system, our minds are designed to help us out, to protect us, and they can get vigilant, but they can be jumping to our rescue when we don't really need it. Old conditioning, old decisions, old experiences can have a way of locking inside of us without us being consciously aware. And pretty soon, the change we're trying to create
becomes challenging. There's constriction, or there's conflict or resistance, but the resistance isn't because it's not possible, or the resistance isn't because we â have low character or lack of discipline. It's just simply there because there's something to be met, potentially. And as he did that, that inner freedom that he began to experience,
was helping him everywhere in his life. So again, is the opportunity maybe for you in the place where when all else fails and you want to look like what else underneath this issue, underneath this place that feels like they cannot figure it out, what if there's something else there that wants to be met that has absolutely nothing to do with the problem you're trying to solve? What if
the slowing down and listening and willingness to be uncomfortable is the portal, is the pathway to a new realization and to the freedom and the clarity and the access to the creativity that you're looking for.
This path of we get sort of locked into the idea that the achievement of this thing or the figuring it out is the path to whatever we're looking for. But often when all else fails, when it's not working, it's not because you're doing something wrong. It's not because of a lack of character or your personality or your subconscious.
blocks or saboteur. It's not because of that. It's often because we're trying to solve the wrong thing. You know, we've just got mentally locked into a pattern or an idea. And if we can slow down enough and take a beat and a pause and lay the problem down, lay what we think we need down, right? Like really set it aside. What we'll discover is...
We just get more present to what is, what is there beyond that, and that will inform us, that will reveal more to us. And that gateway, that path, that looking has a whole lot of rewards or gifts or opportunities in it. It has always worked that way, both for me and the people I've worked with.
Now the other piece I just want to speak to around when all else fails is
What keeps us from being able to be agile? You know, one of the things I've talked about on the podcast before, but I've always just observed and kind of been fascinated by is when people can bounce back, when they seem to have a thicker skin or an ability to have things not work out and just adjust.
Like they hear a no and they move on. know, they sometimes they hear a no and they just keep going because that's what occurs to them. And, you know, they find someone to say yes. Other times it doesn't work and they're willing to just completely let it go and look in a whole new direction and say next. Okay, what's here now? Well, when we're trying really hard and we've kind of
decided that the thing we're aiming for is important. We can lose our ability to hear when we're being guided to turn a little, to adjust the sails a little bit, or to â get open to another opportunity in the field, right? You know, when we're so set on what we think,
we want or what we think is going to bring us â the thing we're looking for. When we're set on that, our minds close to some degree. It's almost like our periphery vision gets really narrow. And when we don't have that periphery vision, we miss opportunities. We miss signals or signs or people there that want to try and â
tweak what we're doing in a little bit or a whole new opportunity. So in those moments, what might be available if we lay down, if you feel yourself like, no, no, I know this is the right thing. I know this is the right thing. You know, even that level of kind of rightness inside you can feel kind of has a grip to it. So I'd encourage you like if it's not working, it doesn't mean you're wrong. Doesn't mean you failed. Doesn't mean it's you.
But what could it mean if you got really open and willing, like you just feel into the idea, like I'm willing to be agile, I'm willing to adjust, I'm willing to let go, I'm willing to see what I haven't seen yet. Often in those moments, and in the opening and over a period of time, what you start to hear are â
people might have been making suggestions that you hadn't really taken in before. A number of years ago, I had been a consultant and it was a very large contract. And I was young and didn't really understand that I should be always focused on the pipeline.
was into this work and I was giving it everything I had. And then new leadership came in and you can probably guess where this is going, but the project was cut. So I was there all of a sudden with no income and not sure what to do. So of course I tried to muster up new business and just for who knows, a variety of reasons I'm sure.
You know, nothing was happening. And I was really resistant to getting a job. I just thought, no, if I do that, it means I've failed at this. If I do this, I had getting a job, like going back into, you know, a job job, working for someone else. I had that link to, it would mean I failed at my dreams. It would mean I had given up. It would mean that â
I wasn't who I thought I was, you know, like it was just up against it. And yet there came a point where I was in a position like, listen, you gotta, you gotta do something. You're no longer like at a place financially where, you know, you, you have any bandwidth. In fact, I was beyond that point. And so I got a job.
selling furniture at a really cool furniture store, by the way. But man, did my pride and my ego did not like it. I kind of just circumstance life just kind of said, OK, you got to do this. What was fascinating to me, though, was after a month or two, I felt my body relaxed in a way that I didn't realize it was holding so much tension. And there was something about
not trying to muster up business from desperation. That felt really good. Imagine that, right? â And I just, yeah, my whole internal climate and everything began to shift and I was more relaxed. you know, I was still, of course, trying to consult with other companies and get other more interesting kind of opportunities for myself. But there was a period of time when that wasn't happening. Well, I went on this
retreat out in California at the time. And I rented a car with a couple other participants. â one of them in particular, we were just talking on the ride up. was like a two hour drive. And we were talking and he was telling me about his company and his job and what he did. it was in development and training, which was my experience.
He loved the company, just could not, and his boss and all of that. And just without even thinking, we were just having this great conversation. And I said, well, don't you think you should hire me? I mean, I really, and he just started laughing. And I kind of was joking, not joking, right? And that was the end of it. And then we went on this retreat about
three weeks, I really think it was within three weeks, he reached out to me and he said, you're not going to believe this, but I need someone. We just had a new â opportunity come into the company and I need someone to lead it. â so I went and met him there and got it, got the consulting and...
Then from there, that became the organization that I spent the next, I think it was 10 years, eight years somewhere around that, but that job was an amazing job. I always say it was mutually beneficial. It allowed me to contribute and to experiment.
And they gave me a lot of trust and a lot of bandwidth and let me do things and try things and serve people. And I â created and started the organizational development and training learning function in North America. And then they moved me to Paris to create a global one. â that opportunity was
absolutely an amazing one. One that I didn't have in my plan. In fact, my plan was never to be a full-time employee again. But my willingness to finally
meet what was, like to just get real about the fact that â it wasn't working. Me mustering up clients at that time wasn't working. And I no longer had the space, the grace or the finances to just keep hanging out. I had to do something. So I had to face my pride and my ego, right? And get that job. And there was something about the selling of furniture that â just having
my internal kind of stress died down a little bit that I relaxed. And then I'm following, you know, like what interests me, I'm following where I want to go. And then in that I meet this gentleman and then that becomes a doorway and an opportunity. And I really believe that if I had been going on that retreat before I kind of relaxed inside,
I would have been in that conversation, not present, not interested in him, not like really authentically like, you know, into what he was saying and being playful about it. I would have been in my head thinking, how do I get a job there? What could I do? What's going on? I really need this. And I would probably have been ill trying to like come across really smart and knowledgeable. Icky, you know, I just would have, I can only imagine.
But again, who knew that the place of where I could not muster up a new client, that place would ultimately take me down a path that would take me back inside a corporation into one of the best phases of my career. So I want to encourage you, can you just lay it down and
when all else is failing, is it maybe time for you to get open to a complete pivot to doing something that might rub up against your pride that you can feel, you know, it's time to do, but all the mind and the identity and ego is just arguing against it.
So coming back to this idea, like if you relate to the place where you feel like you've been trying everything and it's failing, it's just not working, what if that's not a thing about you and your personality and your character and it's more because there's a deeper potential available?
There's a whole other world waiting for you to be curious about and get open to. And by going within, by dropping the attachment, by going back to zero, by allowing a whole new path to unfold, or by seeing what's underneath it, that you'll discover the inner freedom, you'll discover
an unexpected, surprising new path that you couldn't have predicted or planned. And maybe you'll also discover the joy and the fulfillment of listening to and allowing yourself to be guided by something other than what you've decided, what the mind has decided is the way. So,
I invite you at this time just to get open, get curious, to drop in, to see what's possible and what might be available to you in this moment. As always, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening. If you know anyone that would benefit from this episode, please share it. Thank you and see you next time.