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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Fallon: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. Welcome back to, I Saw the Sign. Abby and I are so excited. We are going to be doing some really great mini episodes for you through the summer, and this one is all about how comfortable are you, are you getting a little too comfy in your environment, in your world with your people?
[00:01:00] And are you allowing yourself to be challenged in your life by those around you? Or are you the one that's kind of reached the top in your quote unquote room or level, if you will? So, Abby, take it away. No,
Abby: Oh was super.
Fallon: just what I wanted.
Abby: Um, well, one of the things that, you know, as I was kind of putting some notes together for this episode just is, you know, I. What are the things I think, you know, clients come to us and also often friends, you know, who are like, wanting to attract certain things into their life. Whether that's, you know, more money or a better job or, you know, uh, a love life or whatever it is.
And, and it's like really asking yourself, am I putting myself in the [00:02:00] situations to. Actually have these things that I say that I want and like, or am I kind of staying in the same places, doing the same things, thinking the same things, believing the same things, and then expecting things to be different, which I think a lot of people do.
And it's like we think that we're doing all the things and actually maybe we're not quite. Doing the things that are really gonna challenge you to see things differently and change your, and shift your perspective to be a little bit different. And one of the things that came up for me when I was thinking about this was, I remember the first time I read The Secret, I don't know, back when I was like 19 or something, and it was like, if you wanna attract love into your life, then.
You know, start, you know, in your home if you're picturing this person, you know, being in your home environment, like make room in your closet, start sleeping on the one [00:03:00] side of the bed because you're picturing and imagining this other person taking up space on the other side of the bed and doing things like that.
Um, and I, I mean, I agree with that to a certain extent, but it's more of like, The mindset of are you, are you shifting enough? Are you challenging yourself enough to even believe that that is gonna be possible for you?
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: Or are you still just kind of going on dates half-heartedly, but. Not, but maybe hanging out with the same friends who were telling you that, you know, when I moved to LA everybody was like, oh, there are no good guys in la.
It's so hard to date in la there's, you're not gonna find any great men there. And I was like, Hmm, I don't know. I don't think so. I think I'm gonna find a lot of great men and I'm gonna have a great experience. And so I did.
Fallon: Yes. Yeah, [00:04:00] I, there's this Facebook group right now that I'm in about like, Are we dating the same guy? And I avoided joining it and joining it. And then finally somebody invited me and I was like, ah, I'll just check it out. And it's interesting because the belief systems that are held in there are not what I wanna surround myself by.
So it's like a group that I'm exiting. Um, but, but to, that's like a small example of who's your actual like core group that you hang around. What are the core conversations you're having? Are they about who you're being? Are they about. Were they about other people? Like I know for you and I, we were, we were in Atlanta together last weekend and I remember looking at you and we went out to a bar briefly and I was having some insecurities pop up and I was able to look at you and say, man, I'm really having to nurture little Fallon right now because she's feeling.
You know, not enough or not prettier. I'm saying I can't remember exactly what the words I used, but it's like I get to surround myself. You know, I had you there that I could drop right into like, Ooh, little [00:05:00] Fallon is up right now. And you knew exactly what I was talking about, but never was the conversation about there weren't good enough men in the bar or whatever.
It was about what it was bringing up within me.
Abby: Mm-hmm.
Fallon: so I think really, Looking at the conversations and the belief systems that you're, that you are holding and are you allowing yourself to be open to potentially, I don't wanna say being wrong, but like you said, a different perspective of like, what if you, is it available for you to believe this about your life or your world or your future versus like, You know, the other side of the conversation, like, you know, when you first moved to LA there's no good men.
Or what if they're, you have friends that are like, oh man, I'm sure there's great men. Like I, it's been an interesting journey for me, but I still believe, you know, like really assessing that and also with your career with, I mean there's so with money with, there's so many different things, but where are you letting yourself be challenged [00:06:00] and not be the smartest, most together person in the room? Because that's hard. You know, when you're used to, like, you, you, I know for me, I've done so much like inner work and I, you know, contemplate a lot that I also, it's good for me to have people like you and my friend Tessa in my life because you guys really are like, Or Fallon, remember, remember that this is something that you said.
I'm like, oh shit. Yeah, you're right. Or even you called me out, you know, in Atlanta in a really loving way of like, well, are you also looking for the like, you know, I was having an experience and you're like, is that what you're looking for right now? And I was like, Ooh, maybe
Abby: Or is that, is that what you're expecting to get? Because you know, like with anything, if we have any sort of, if even if there's a small insecurity and you expect, you have maybe a small expectation that that might be met, then you're kind of already looking for the evidence of. Well see. I shouldn't [00:07:00] have done that, or I shouldn't have said that, or shouldn't have worn that, or I shouldn't have eaten that, or whatever.
Fallon: yeah, yeah. So look, in your life, maybe take, um, What am, what's the word I'm looking for?
Inventory.
Yes, inventory of like, you know, I was out to dinner last night with a new friend and at the end of our dinner she was like, you know, there's a lot of people in the world who my battery drains with, and whenever I'm around you, I feel full again.
Abby: Mm-hmm.
Fallon: And I'm like, Well, thank you. I also feel full around you, you know, um, and so looking like who are those friends that actually fill you up and really recharge your battery, but don't let you escape from the potential of who you are and who you're becoming. Also, like love you for who you are. You nourish each other and also are like, You know, I know you and I have this relationship with each other where we [00:08:00] see the big vision for each other and we hold that vision and we remind each other of that vision when we're playing a little bit small, or our minds are playing tricks, you know?
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: Who are those people in your life and are they really help, like serving the greatness of who you're becoming?
Abby: Yes.
Fallon: like, maybe just add some distance.
Abby: And the other thing too, I wanna say is, you know, people have talked about this a lot, about, you know, surrounding like the five people you surround yourself with. You're gonna be like the average of the five people or whatever. And, and it's not even necessarily about that, but it's more so just watching who you are surrounding yourself with.
And if there is something that you want more of in your life, find people who have that. Find, you know, and if it's not somebody that's in your direct friend group, you know, if it's somebody on the internet or whatever, just start like putting yourself in the energy so that you can [00:09:00] be around other people who believe in the same things that you believe in.
Because if you are the sole person in your group who is trying to, you know, Be successful or find love or you know, just expand in a way that might be outside of that group, then it's gonna be that much harder for it to happen for you. Because there you may, you know, find some subconscious sabotaging happening because you don't maybe wanna be on the outside of the group that you've always been a part of.
And that's just, you know, your brain trying to keep you safe. And that's all you know. Good stuff. Um, but it's also okay to, you know, love the people that you, you know, the community that you've been a part of, for the things that you know, that you love about them. And it's okay to also look for the other things that you want and to find evidence [00:10:00] of the other things that you want.
And surround yourself with people who have the things that you want and who believe in the things or believe that the things that you want are even possible.
Because at the end of the day, it's like it's all, whatever you believe to be true for yourself is what you end up creating in your life. And so if you don't think that, It's possible.
You know, when I, another thing when I moved to la, people were like, oh my God, it's so hard to find an apartment. You're never gonna find an apartment. And I'm like, I always find a great apartments, whatever city I'm in, you know? And I found a great apartment when I was in Huntington Beach. And then I found a great apartment when I was in LA that was at the price point I wanted and the neighborhood, I wanted walking distance to everything.
And it was just like checked off everything on my list. And so it's like you can choose to believe that things are possible for you, or you can.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: not.
Fallon: And you can put yourself in the environments that challenge you to believe those [00:11:00] things too, right? Or like you. You didn't accept what everybody was saying as like they were challenging you? I would say in more of an unconsciously negative way. Right? Like not because they're bad people,
because they're
Abby: on their own experience.
Fallon: their own experience. And like we, we all know the people in the world that are like, oh, I'm so worried for you. You know, my grandma, I bless her heart, I love her to pieces and she's no longer with us, but she'd always be like, I'm just so worried about you. And I'm like, you don't need to be like, the best thing you can do for me is actually envision me thriving.
You know, and I wanna remind all of you a lot of what challenges challenges you or what you're gonna grow into. Like Abby said, like finding maybe somebody online that you can follow. They might trigger you at first. There might be an activation, they might be holding a frequency that you're like, I don't, that you feel at first kind of.
Just resistant to, so just notice in your body, is this a resistance that's here to serve me and grow [00:12:00] me? Like, am I gonna grow on the other side of meeting this resistance in this person's energy? Or is this the type of resistance that, like, this is truly my soul is telling me this is not for me. And you'll notice, you'll, you'll feel if you really just give yourself five minutes to tune in, you'll feel, um, you'll feel that difference.
You'll know right away is this resistance. The positive kind that I need to step into? Or is this truly like redirecting me to, to somewhere else?
Abby: Yeah. Like is this showing me exactly what I want to have, or is it showing me the things that I'm like, Hmm. I don't know if I quite jive with that. And maybe that's not for me, but they're definitely gonna be the people who, who trigger the fuck out of you. And then. You're like, Ooh, but what is that showing me that is there for me?
Like, what work do I need to do in order to believe that I can be on that level or that I can be that powerful or that I can have that kind of life? And that's where like the really [00:13:00] juicy goodness is
Fallon: Real goodness. And you know, have people that challenge your beliefs. Did I already say this, but not your values, right? Like we've got our core values. There's certain things that, like my core values, I'm not gonna waiver on if a friend challenges me, but I mean, I would never have a friend. Like they wouldn't do that.
But you know, like if, when you're immersing yourself in new people, but you want people to help you become better. So if you're, you know, if you're looking at like, let me look at this belief. But this belief goes against my value. Then you're gonna know like, okay, that's not really for, like, you're gonna identify that difference, but as long as they're challenging your beliefs in a loving way that would never compromise your core values, you're golden.
There's no, there's no reason not to just a baby step and dip your toe in. At least
Abby: And I mean, not to, um, just totally plug Fallon or I, but I'm going to, that this is something that's great to have coach for
Fallon: it is.
Abby: something that's great to [00:14:00] have somebody to help kind of walk you through it because sometimes we don't. We don't know what we don't know. We don't know that the reason that we're doing the same thing over and over again is because we have such an intrinsic or belief about it until that's kind of brought to, to the light by somebody else.
And then it's like once you see it, then you can't unsee it and then you can do the work to change it.
Fallon: Yeah. And you can have somebody guide you to do the work. And like you said, we don't know. We don't know. And also we can't see. Sometimes outside of our sphere. And so when you've got the coach, and Abby and I are amazing and insightful and intuitive of, of being able to really penetrate in a loving way, but also a very powerful no bullshit way.
Like we're gonna give you the truth, but it's gonna feel like. Oh gosh. Like the sun is shining on a beach day sometimes, or a nourishing rainstorm of when that truth lands in your body of like, I am doing that. Oh my God, I didn't even realize I was believing that It becomes [00:15:00] this freedom and this lightness because then you're aware of it and then you get to start.
That's when the real fun comes for you and I as coaches. Cuz then we're like, all right, here's the tools. This is what I want you to focus on this week. I'm gonna give you this journal prompt, or I'm gonna give you this lesson. Right. So it's not just about identifying it. We also good coaches are going to give you tangible tools to take with you.
Abby: Yeah, you're gonna move it, integrate it, and be able to like start seeing changes, I mean, almost immediately, just because of that shift. So,
Fallon: Yeah, so are you somebody, our loving listeners, that is kind of reached a little bit of a plateau and you're, you, you notice that like you're having the same conversations or the same beliefs, or the same feelings, that's what's gonna really give you the, the knowing like, are you feeling the same about the same things all the time? Reach out, let us know what, what are you wanting to grow into and where are you feeling like you've not let [00:16:00] yourself be challenged? Recently.
Abby: Yes. Yeah. What are you, what are you wanting to create that maybe hasn't shown up for you yet that you find yourself feeling not the best about?
Fallon: Yeah. Because you can't positive think your way out of some of this stuff.
Abby: Yeah,
Fallon: You gotta get a little, you gotta get deeper. And that's the fun, that's the fun stuff, like we just
Abby: And you know, we love going deep. We love going deeper.
Fallon: It's, it's the only thing I'm here for.
Abby: I know it
Fallon: That surface level stuff is hard as it's draining for me,
Abby: That's so draining.
Fallon: yeah, the deeper stuff is really where the nourishment is.
And if you've never done it, it's gonna feel opposite of nourishment at the beginning, and then the nourishment feeling will really come
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: so
Abby: Well, we love you as always, and we'd love to hear feedback of. Anything that you're going through, anything that you'd like, any help with, any questions you have, [00:17:00] and just yeah, give us a, a rating, a review and let us know.
Fallon: Yes, we love you. Leave none of you behind, and we'll see you next week.
Abby: we'll see you next week.