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Join James Petrossi in 'Leave the Feed: 30 Days of Disconnect' as he interviews creators and mental health advocates about their journeys, the digital quagmire, and tips to create a healthier relationship with social media.
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James Petrossi: Hello and welcome to Leave the Feed 30 Days of Disconnect. Today is day 28, winding down, but time to gear up, talk about social currency with AJ Schneider. AJ, welcome to the show.
AJ Schneider: Thank you so much for having me. I love this topic.
James Petrossi: So I'm sure a social currency will manifest throughout this discussion in many different ways, but start things out. Let's hear about your story as an entrepreneur and how you ended up founding Beyond the Green Coaching.
AJ Schneider: Okay, so I run a finance coaching business and I have a degree in theater and spent. Eight years of my career as a yoga instructor, and about 10 plus years of my [00:01:00] career in hospitality. So how did I end up getting into finance? Well, I was a mess. I was a financial mess. I was in about collectively $71,000 worth of debt, absolutely no savings, and I just kept waiting for this magical check to arrive in the mail to fix all my problems.
But I didn't actually at the time know how much debt I had. I didn't really know how much my expenses were. I just was living moment to moment thinking it would all like kind of figure itself out in the future. And then realizing that, oh, I'm the knight and shining armor who's has to come and rescue myself because I was realizing that.
My relationship with money was impacting my confidence and how I was showing up in the worlds, which was like kind of desperate. And I was like everybody's poor friend. And I was always busy 'cause I was working all the time. [00:02:00] I had that great work ethic, but I had nothing to show for it. And I was at that perfect pivotal time in my life where.
It's so funny, I felt so adult then I was like in my mid twenties, but everybody was getting married and start or starting to get engaged. I realized at the same time, like my grandparents were getting older and I just was like waiting for my life to begin and I was, a yoga instructor and I very much treated, I set up an LLC for my yoga by AJ, and I very much treated it like a business, but when it came to the finances, I had absolutely no idea.
I would literally write all my yoga classes out on a piece of paper and then like kind of try and figure out what I was spending per month and then try and match it. And I would do this like every day, like compulsively. And then at the end of the month I would have like nothing to show for it.
But then I was like [00:03:00] going to Brazil and like going to Portugal and just ignoring the debt and all of it. And I luckily had an aunt who I knew was really smart with money and I said, can you teach me how to budget? And that was the beginning of the biggest transformation of my life.
Before, I didn't realize how much people pleasing was impacting my day-to-day decisions because once people think that a budget's really constrictive, it's actually freedom because once you know what you can spend and you have your eyes set on a goal, everything else just becomes noise. And it just profoundly changed my life.
It rooted me, it gave me grounding, it gave me a sense of autonomy and control. And I started down that road. Things started improving in my life. I was paying off the debt, I was manifesting like crazy and I attracted my husband, who was [00:04:00] my childhood crush. Two weeks into dating I said, Hey, I'm like a yoga instructor and a waitress, and I'm working really hard on paying off my debt and two weeks into dating.
And I was like, I need you to know this because you know, I'm on a really strict budget. And I don't wanna start this relationship in a lie. And he is like, oh, well I budget and forecast for a living. Like let me take a look and I can support you. And he helped me. Like my budget template that I give, that I've given over 300 clients is the one he made for me, and he walked me through it.
He held my hand, he like really supported me becoming independent. And he didn't fix it. He just gave me the tools. And then when I moved to DC to be with him I was like, you know, I really just wanna help people heal their relationship with money. Because during that time period I thought that everybody else had it figured out.
But when I [00:05:00] started to actually like parse out my own financial landscape, I realized. Nobody actually had it figured out. They either made a lot of money, they came from money, or somebody was subsidizing their life, or they were lying in tons of debt just like me. And I was like, oh, I'm not alone. I'm like far from alone.
Like people who are really good with money are like the outliers. And I had one client, her, her name is Danny. She, I said, can I please coach you? I have a methodology. But you have to, I won't charge you ever, but you have to give me like 175%. And she said yes. She tripled her income within a couple of months of working together.
Tripled she refinanced her student loans. We got her debt on 0%. It was like very quick transformation and I was like, I think I have something here. And I never looked back.
James Petrossi: Wow, that's incredible. [00:06:00] Congratulations. What a awesome story. Now talk a little bit about the challenges when. You are in that much debt 'cause I've been there before. And how difficult it can be show up for other people and how difficult it can be to find peace within yourself and that call to always need to be possibly doing something else and ignoring the situation, like going on a trip or spending money. What was going on inside your psyche during that time?
AJ Schneider: So much shame, loneliness, fear, and ignorance. I genuinely thought the IRS was gonna come and like knock on my door and like. Take my yoga mat away. I didn't really, I didn't really have anything to give them. I teach neurological behavioral changes in our work. [00:07:00] We're coming up against a lot of resistance right now.
People want to use the fancy, fancy budgeting apps when they work with us, and I'm like, no. You are not ready for fancy, fancy budgeting apps because your neurological system is recreating your trauma every single day that you transact, and I'm trying to get your nervous system to change, and that is what requires that change is repetition.
And repeat going into your budget tracker and inputting in your spending and being that conscious because it can feel like such a black hole. I mean like $71,000. I've seen so much more than that now. But like it's a lot of debt that's like not nothing, and it can feel like this mountain and every part of [00:08:00] financial.
Aptitude is, can also feel like a mountain investing financial organization repayment. And if you are in a survival mode state, which the mAJority of people are who are in debt and feel bad about it, then you can't make cognitive long-term financial decisions and. To be able to sit back and think about your life and your finances, 5, 10, 15, 20 years out comes from having a like regulated nervous system and not being afraid.
But if you're in debt and you have all of these ideas that debt is bad, that you're, that you're a failure for having it, that it's keeping you back, like whatever those beliefs are, then you're always gonna feel like held back by your debt and then you can't. Move forward and think about the future, and that's [00:09:00] basically how I felt.
I was just in this chronic cycle of like really delusional money mindsets. Like, oh, if I have $5,000 in the bank account, then be able to pay off my debt. Like someone recently said to me, oh, I have $140,000 worth of debt. I could pay that off by the end of the year. It was like October. It's like you just.
You kind of run on an illusion because the illusion is that there's someone behind you or something behind you like chasing you. You're in true survival mode, and until you can tap out of that and get into a place of grounding and like, I'm safe, then it's very hard to get out of the debt cycle.
James Petrossi: Yeah, I totally feel you with the whole fight or flight feeling like something's always chasing you and it's just looming like a darkness behind you, and you're just hoping it doesn't. Cloud over you and pour it at any moment. [00:10:00] Now, let's go back into the financial discussion in a minute. Want to talk about media and mental health and your experience because social media for many people is a highlight reel and we're always chasing what other people are doing.
And we wanna make sure that we're living a highlight reel and costs a lot of money to create that. Wanna know what role? media you looking back on your experience and what you went through.
AJ Schneider: When I was a yoga instructor, it was really harmful.
I just kept comparing myself. In the yoga industry, which I love. I love this like that topic. I mean, the 1% is really the 1%, like 1% of people make a full-time living off of yoga and 99% supplement with either somebody else paying for their lifestyle or they have another job. And that [00:11:00] really harmed me. I think it really held me back from really pushing my career 'cause I just kept feeling like I needed to look like something that I wasn't 'cause I was struggling and my life was not very pretty when I was a yoga instructor.
I was really lucky. I didn't know that there were any other financial professionals out there except for Susie Orman and Dave Ramsey. When I started, I was really naive. And also the book like You're a badass at making Money.
I just like didn't know. I didn't know. So I, I, someone actually managed my, my business. Facebook for, I mean, Instagram for a little bit. So I just kind of had no idea there were other people and that kind of was really nice. That was like a really safe space for me. 'cause I just kind of was like, I'm doing my own thing and ba, ba B, like nobody's competitors.
And then when I found out that there were so many people in my industry, it was that it's hard, it's hard not to compare. It's really [00:12:00] frustrating. I, I can't say that it's helped my mental health in any way because I see people. And I've even spoken to the people and I'm like, you don't do like eighth of what I do with clients and you're killing it on social media.
Or like, I think what you're sharing is garbage. And it's like, but they're consistent and they're showing up and like it makes you feel like you're not doing something or you're not enough, or like, it's just, it's, it weighs a lot. And then I'm also like, personally AJ, like addicted. Why can't I just go to the bathroom without my phone and I'm not absorbing anything.
I'm just like watching someone be like this, Hey, I'm six hours postpartum. I'm like, you're six. Why are you posting? You just had a baby. What's happening? It's like, and then I go into a rabbit hole and then I'm like, well, I'm follow. I'm looking at this, like, what's wrong [00:13:00] with me? So. Yeah. Whenever I do my values chart, it's always in the area.
That's what's depleting me. It's social media.
James Petrossi: Yeah, it, it is a challenge and it is a place where everyone's trying to mint social currency. And it's a place to be vulnerable, but people have relinquished their privacy. the more that you can show behind the scenes, the more social currency that you get, the more potential followers, brand deals, et cetera, and all of a sudden the world around us can start to feel a little bit empty.
We talked to creators on the last, you know, 20 something episodes on this show, and you know, their worth is tied to numbers and metrics and. They're just seeking more of that and they're getting really depressed when they see these ebbs and flows happen within their own follower count. So when it does come to like our net worth, how we show up in this world, and [00:14:00] also like what's in our bank, like what is your advice to finding that safe place for ourselves to flourish? Not just as an individual, but also with the people in the world around us and like our loved ones and people at home.
AJ Schneider: I see a lot of people in my space, they don't sell anything.
They just share their money diaries on social media. I like did a whole audit of as many people in the personal finance space, and a lot of them don't have a product, don't have a service. They don't sell anything. They're just sharing like, oh, I paid off $50,000 worth of debt. Or like, I spent $3,000 on vacation.
I don't feel that it's necessary that I share anything about my finances other than I was in a lot of debt. I'm not in debt anymore. I have surmounted a lot more wealth and I'm happy to give details and specificity, but it doesn't matter. 'cause $50,000 to me is very different than [00:15:00] $50,000 to you is $50,000 to somebody else.
And I think. That, that part of social media of like trying to latch onto a number, a metric of, oh, get this many followers, have this much money in the bank is so truly irrelevant because it does not matter. Like $50,000 to a 26-year-old is very different than $50,000 to a 67-year-old. And there's no like context 'cause it's all personal.
And so I think that's a really big problem with social media. I find it very offput because again, it tries to simplify something that's not simple. There's nothing simple about money. It wouldn't be like the biggest. Wound in our society if it was, [00:16:00] you know, like it's the number one cause of divorce.
It's why families, besides political reasons why families advertise, like why every movie is about someone being rich and someone being poor. It's like such a relevant part and so. When I think about my life, I don't think about what's in my bank account. I don't check my stocks every day. I look at my relationships, my incredible family that I've built, where like there's a universe where that family doesn't exist because I couldn't get my shit together and be the confident, strong, capable person that I am to attract the love of my life.
I think about my friendships. I mean, my friends and I have been best friends. My camp friends 25 years, my best friend since I was two. I have middle school friends. Like I've been able to maintain relationships my entire life. Like if you're finding your validation [00:17:00] from instant, quick occasion, then you have like a dopamine.
Like addiction, if I'm gonna be really honest, you know, because building long-term relationships is the opposite of like dopamine. It takes a lot of work and a lot of showing up. And when you're stressed about money and when you're depressed or anxious and unhappy, those can prevent you from showing up.
So that's why we always teach, like my philosophy is like, I always wanna be the best version of myself because then I get to show up, I get to show up for the fun things. I get to show up for the really difficult times in people's lives, and I'm certainly not perfect. There are moments in my life I just have to recuse because I'm depressed or I'm stressed.
I can't show up. But I built enough rapport with my network. With my, the people in my life. [00:18:00] So we can do that. So I would say my success is really measured by the relationships in my life.
James Petrossi: the creators that we've had on this show, very diverse, different amounts of followers, income brackets, but a lot of them have gone through a transition where they really leaned into social media during the pandemic. Maybe they were living at home and now they might have four or 5 million followers.
They have brand deals and they're their own. They got their own pad and they're living it.
AJ Schneider: Yeah.
James Petrossi: know, they're working hard. It's 24 7, but they're living it. But live also with a lot of financial uncertainty. There is no paycheck coming in. Every month that they can count on. in that type of situation with that unpredictability in terms of a job, what are some things that they can do to feel safer and more grounded so they can [00:19:00] up for others when they are disconnected?
AJ Schneider: Acknowledging that their finances are causing them stress would be number one, because we know that it is right, and especially with someone who's getting a ton. Validation and approval by working really hard there, it's, it's like that stress and that the thing they're doing really well are gonna start to like, marry each other and they're gonna be like, well, if I work more, then I'm gonna have more money and everything's gonna be okay.
And then all of a sudden they haven't called their mom in three weeks or they haven't like seen a friend and then they're just like, they're so busy because it's like, well, I gotta keep working because my stress is money and when I work I make money and everything's gonna be okay.
So [00:20:00] even just acknowledging that cycle will a, allow that person to be like. Take just like a, I, I moved my body back, like take a step back and be like, is there potentially another way to do this? Just that alone can be really, really helpful of like, what do you value? And when you're a passionate entrepreneur, I'm a serial entrepreneur.
This is my, I would say this is my second business. I have no means of stopping your life. And your work can become really entangled actually as an influencer who's sharing everything about their life as a form of work. And if the stresses and anxieties are, again, like married to your work, it's gonna be really hard to pull them out.
So identifying. What you are stressed about specifically? I'm stressed about money. Okay, let's, okay, let's, now let's go to my lane, AJ's [00:21:00] lane. What are your expenses? What do you spend per month? Not what you think you spend, not what you're writing off as an expense for tax purposes. What do you spend per month?
Not just on rent, not just on your cell phone bill, which you probably don't have one, but what are your true expenses? How much money are you spending on takeout? How much money are you spending on clothes? This is my favorite. So we make all of our clients do a three to six month historical expense audit, and they have to go through everything, target, Amazon, every single credit card, and they'll, they'll come on the call and they're like, oh my God, I spend so much money on food.
I spend so much money on takeout and Ubers. And I'm like, maybe, but did you notice you spend on average $700 a month on clothing? Like, didn't even see it. [00:22:00] Did you notice you're spending $800 a month at the gym, like didn't even notice. that exercise alone, it's not gonna immediately change anything, but it's so once you know the numbers, you can't unknow the numbers.
And then from there. You, you say, okay, well what realistically do I have to spend per month? What's within my values? Like what's a budget that I would like to spend per month, which includes clothing and the gym and your therapist and takeout. But that I can like account for, that's like an average now the biggest influencer, creative.
Gig worker artist's mentality is that I can't, budget because I don't know my income. You can, it's not perfect, but you a [00:23:00] hundred percent can make assumptions on what money is coming in based off of your current brand deals. Your current partnerships, you can absolutely start to map out. Well, I have this brand partnership.
I'm gonna get paid for it in March. Great. Let's put it in the March budget. Okay. I can anticipate I'm, you know, I have this gig with this toothpaste brand, and they pay me $500 monthly. Great. That's reoccurring monthly income. We can put that in the budget. I have an affiliate partnership I make on average.
$1,100 a month from that, great, let's put it in the budget. And now all of a sudden they're like, I can't predict anything. It's like, well, we actually just predicted $2,000 a month. Is there anything else we can predict? And we build it that way. And then we're like, okay, well how much more do we need? And then we keep moving the [00:24:00] needle and being like, okay, well if we need $3,000 more, what are ways that you make $3,000 more?
Well, I can do a partnership. I can do this. Okay, so your goal for the month is to get one partnership. Your goal for the month is to try and find two reoccurring revenue streams, and we break it up so that it doesn't feel so much like a mountain and we create some type of financial stability, even if it's less than what you need.
At least it gives you a benchmark of where you're going.
James Petrossi: That's incredible advice and it made me feel better, and I'm not even in financial problems right now, but I think for a creator that's living in this uncertainty that so. Helpful because sometimes it feels like this doesn't pertain to me. No one understands what I'm going through. My world's different and. The fact that you can put a plan together and you can find that peace and available then to be around the world more and more [00:25:00] open and more free from the darkness of financial ruin, which chases a lot of people. It's, not alone. If you're facing it out there there's folks right now that are listening, that are going through a 30 day. Disconnection challenge. There's others that are just looking for insights on how do I be a better creator? How do I have a healthier relationship with social media? What's your advice for anyone that's struggling to find balance in the digital universe?
AJ Schneider: Identify what helps you disconnect and do more of it. Not things that you wish you were doing. Like I wish I was reading more books. I'm not in a season right now where like putting another thing on my plate is gonna help me. I'm really good at working out right now and I [00:26:00] can go do that for 30 minutes and not be on my phone.
And why I love money as a vehicle for transformation is because we transact multiple times a day, even like unconsciously, you know, automatic payments, subscriptions, and so you have like multiple checkpoints throughout the day to to change your reaction to spending. Which could be like, I feel safe, I can afford this.
And so like stacking some of that intention behind the things that you are already doing that are taking you away from your phone and reinforcing them with the mindset of like, maybe I'll do an extra 15 minutes because that's 15 minutes not on my phone. Or like maybe between the gym, just the kitchen.
'cause I work out at home. Like I don't have my phone. Just like really, [00:27:00] really small things. Just being conscious of like how can I like already stack a good habit on something I'm already doing versus adding something to my plate that I'm not doing. That would feel like a heavy lift for me right now.
Even though I know it in the long run. I would be so much happier if I was reading and I do think like. Being with people in the real world, like I don't wanna be the person on my phone when I'm interacting with other humans, and I hate that person who's on their phone. Like, you're not that important.
And so if you can just spend more time with the people you love who really fill up your cup and you're gonna find you're on social media less. Also, I love this. I started doing this during COVID. Even if they've never done anything to you or you have no reason to not like them. If you're following someone and you don't [00:28:00] like them and they make you feel bad about yourself, unfollow like, it's not personal, but it's like, I don't know, there's something about them that triggers you and makes you feel bad, like get rid of them.
Only follow people that you like are cheering on that you're like, you're awesome. You make, you're so, like, I had to do it. Like there's some financial influencers where I just like, they made me feel bad about myself and I was like, I don't have to follow them. And there's other financial influencers who I'm like, you're amazing.
Keep going. You're awesome. Like I love what you're sharing. I'm gonna share your stuff. And so I follow them and it creates this positive feedback loop for me.
James Petrossi: I love it. I love it. Thank you so much. Great advice. I hope for all the creators that are listening out there that they got some valuable nuggets and please reach out to AJ if you're in need of help. Thanks again, you've been such an awesome guest
AJ Schneider: Thanks James. This was such a pleasure.
James Petrossi: Thank you so much for joining in. Don't be afraid to disconnect and have an epic day.
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