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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Jerrad Lopes (00:00)
Hey guys, welcome back to the Dad Tired Podcast. If you're brand new here, if you just stumbled upon the podcast, we are just a bunch of men who are trying to figure out what it looks like for us to be the men that God's called us to be. We have a saying here at Dad Tired that strong families begin with healed men. We really believe that if we can get our own souls right, figure out all the kind of junk and wounds and sin and brokenness of our own souls, that we'd be able to show up better as husbands and fathers and men in our community. So that's what we talk about every week here on the Dad Tired Podcast. If that sounds interesting to you, make sure you follow along.
If you have been around Death Tired and you enjoy the podcast, leave us a rating and review. It's helpful. I always feel weird asking for those things, but it's helpful just because of the algorithms and it gets in front of more people. So if it's been helpful for you, I'd love to hear about it and how it's impacted your journey. I've been podcasting now ⁓ with the Death Tired Podcast for coming up on 11 years, which is insane. And I can say in honesty, that this is one of the craziest, most inspiring.
Just like mind-blowing conversations I've had in probably the 11 years of podcasting that I've done. ⁓ we're gonna jump right into the podcast. Like I my guest today is John Arroyo. I'm literally just gonna jump right into his story. Before I do that, though, if you want to come to our dad tired retreat, we still have some spots left. I'd love for you to be part of it. Spots are filling up and room assignments are filling up. So I want to make sure you get a good room and I wanna make sure you get a spot. If you go to dadtired.com, click the annual retreat tab.
I know it's hard for you to break away, but I promise you it's going to be one of the most impactful things that you do all year. Make sure you sign up for that today. That being said, let's jump into this crazy story with my new friend, John Arroyo.
John Arroyo (01:37)
on April 2nd of 2014, ⁓ I became one of the survivors of the mass shooting on the military base Fort Hood. So I'm a former Green Beret who went spent 15 years ⁓ on Fort Bragg, North Carolina, you know, started out in the 82nd Airborne Division, getting after it as a young soldier, transitioned from like an enlisted
Jerrad Lopes (01:44)
War.
John Arroyo (01:59)
truck driver to being a Green Beret, three combat tours, went from enlisted to officer, finally after fifteen years, changed bases and then went after being on that base for only five months, one soldier brought a weapon on base, shot nineteen of us. I took a forty five caliber through my throat. ⁓ so I'll show you real quick if you can see it, but
Jerrad Lopes (02:21)
Gosh, dude.
John Arroyo (02:23)
So took a 45 caliber through my throat as I'm dying on the ground. I I audibly hear this voice, John, get up or your wife is gonna die. Six months before I was shot, my wife lost both her parents nine days apart. Two years before that, her brother and her father were hunting. And with the big group, they're like on this big excursion, like South Dakota or something. And my father-in-law loads his gun, everyone's getting their gear together, they're getting ready to go out for the day.
Jerrad Lopes (02:33)
Gosh.
John Arroyo (02:52)
And my father-in-law sets his gun gun down and it goes off on its own and it kills my brother-in-law. And my so my wife loses her brother. And then two years later, her mother and father die nine days apart. But when her mother and father die nine days apart, they they die six months before I'm shot. So essentially what I heard was, John, get up or your wife is gonna die, was really saying, John, get up or your wife is gonna take her life.
And and so I I get up and I go looking for help. And so we'll get more into that. But that that's that's why Grady has said, hey man, you need you need to hear this guy's story because my wife and I have suffered so much mental, emotional, and for me physical trauma. But the thing is, and this is this is where we need to start, that the that the greatest wound in my life
Wasn't when another soldier went wasn't when someone that I that wore the same uniform as me brought a weapon and shot 19 of us. It was when my dad died when I was young from cirrhosis of the liver and drank himself to death. The greatest wound that I carried nearly my whole life wasn't being shot. It was not having a dad. And so I had men in my life, but I didn't have my father. So I'll stop right there.
Jerrad Lopes (04:14)
Dude, okay, yeah, because holy cow, bro. I had I don't think I knew any of that. ⁓ if Grady told me some of that, I don't like it didn't register the way that it just registered with what you just sharing. my gosh, man. ⁓ I'm sorry and ⁓ I'm thankful that you're alive. I'm thankful that your wife, I'm assuming, is still alive. And ⁓ holy cow. Okay, so let's there's so much to unpack there, dude. That might have been
One of the craziest introductions I've ever heard ⁓ in eleven years of podcasting. Okay. So let's start then with your dad passing. How old were you then? And how did that start to shape ⁓ you as a as a young man?
John Arroyo (04:56)
Yeah. So he died when I was a approximately five years old. he died of cirrhosis of the liver. ⁓ he had been drinking probably a good majority of his life and and I think a lot of it had to do with culture. You know, I'm I'm a Mexican and and I'm not saying it's just the Mexican culture, but but like you know, there's a lot of times that if there's a culture of drinking in your family, then then what was happening to my father
is his uncles and his family members and the men and the the men that were passing on or helping the young men become men, the way they did that was they would give them drink. So instead of speaking life into them, what they did is is they gave them alcohol and really so that they would be amused as they watched the young kids fall around and be drunk and things like that. And and then it was just like we're gonna teach, we're gonna teach our our young men to be men. And this is how we know in our culture to be men.
you drink. And so I lost my dad at 34 years old. ⁓ he was 34 years old. I was five years old. And from that point on, what I didn't understand is that I went looking for an identity my whole life because my I never heard my dad say, I love you and I'm proud of you. so I went looking for that. And I and and the sad part is is that I had men in my life. I I I had a stepfather. I had uncles I had men come in, but
But there was a void that no one could fill. And as a matter of fact, I'm wearing a shirt right now. and I wore it today just because, you know, for the show, but it says Legacy Starter. So it's the old G.I. Joe, you know, ⁓ kind of logo, but we put legacy starter because the real American heroes are not G.I. Joe and Cobra Commander. It's it's moms and dads who didn't have a legacy passed down to them who are starting one.
So giving their families, giving their kids what they never received. And so ⁓ I didn't I didn't know until I was 44 years old. I wrote this book right here. It's called I Never Heard My Dad Say. And and it stemmed from a prayer that I prayed. And it was, God, search my heart and and show me what is in my heart. And it was, you you've carried an orphan spirit in your heart. You carried the orphan wound because you went looking for a dad your whole life. And so
Jerrad Lopes (07:14)
Mm.
John Arroyo (07:18)
Because I went looking for a dad, really what I was looking for is affirmation, right? So you're you're you're looking for affirmation, you're looking for approval, you're looking for the something that you you should only receive from your dad. My mom couldn't give me what I was supposed to get from my dad. My mom could love me, she can give me value, but she couldn't speak identity into me. My dad was supposed to speak identity into me, and he wasn't there. So what was I doing? I was creating it today.
We use these. This is this is how we create identity today, right? Social media, right? So we we chase likes, right? Because because what we're really looking for is we're looking for affirmation and approval. And it and a lot of that is because we didn't have our dad to pull it out of us. And so that's that's what I went looking for. And as a matter of fact, I ended up becoming a gang member in Los Angeles, got into gangs when I was a young boy.
And it wasn't that my family were gang members or that was just the lineage. No, it it I grew up in Los Angeles in the eighties and nineties. And then the nineties, gangster rap came on the scene. So I was raised down the road from Compton when Ice Cube and Easy E were were making a breakthrough on the scene and it was F the police. And I grew I grew up in the middle of that. And my friends, the my friends who who I was receiving my affirmation from, who I needed that approval from, thought gangs were cool.
So a seventh grade, I'm jumped into a gang. By ninth grade, I'm a teenage father. By 12th grade, I'm a methamphetamine addict. I try methamphetamine for the first time and it hooks me. So what ends up happening is two years after high school, my sister really just kind of put the boot in this guy's butt. And I'm the evidence of a praying grandmother. Like that's that's why I'm here. I'm the evidence of a praying grandmother. But my sister became the tough love.
Jerrad Lopes (09:06)
Hmm.
John Arroyo (09:13)
My mom was just so nice. I can manipulate her. I could tell her anything. But my sister, she was like, You need to change your environment. You need to get out of here. You need to join the military, or you're gonna give your son exactly what you received. And if you don't leave here, you're gonna be a loser the rest of your life. And so that is what caused me to join the military. And really, what I come to find out, again, going back to what I said originally, the greatest wound I carried wasn't the gunshot.
It's the wound that I carried looking for a dad my whole life.
Jerrad Lopes (09:46)
Let me pause you there and let's go down a few rabbit holes because you're you're giving me, dude, so many crazy stories. You're just dropping them like, you know, just like little crumbs. And I'm like, we need to stop and talk about a few of these things. ⁓ I do want to end all my rabbit holes by going back to how you figured out that wound. That's like kind of where I want to camp. But let's go down a few rabbit holes before we get there. First off, you were jumped into a gang at seven in seventh grade. ⁓ for somebody, I grew up in California.
I actually grew up around a lot of gangs, gang violence. but for somebody who this is like not spiritual at all. This is just pl complete curiosity. For somebody that doesn't know how you get into a gang, can you ex describe what it's like for somebody to get jumped into a gang?
John Arroyo (10:30)
Yeah. ⁓ so typically it's three to five guys just start beating up on you. And they that's your initiation. For some gangs, some gang some other gangs it's they'll put a gun in your hand and tell you to go do something stupid. Or, you know, and and really you're just you're just being initiated. for us where I was where the gang that I got into, there were five guys and I was here were here I was a seventh grade probably thirteen year old kid, you know.
⁓ twelve to thirteen year old kid and so six dude five dudes just started kicking the crap out of me and for about five, six minutes and you're just trying to fight back and you can't really fight back because you're just a kid. And they're and they're not much older than you. They're they're a bunch of teenagers. but some of them. And that's what happened. So you get jumped in and and and then and then you're in. And the sad part is the the really sad part about this story about getting jumped into a gang is that
My brother and I were both looking for a dad. And what ended up happening is this the where we grew up, like the neighborhood, the city that we grew up in is is the city of Whittier, which is in between Los Angeles and Anaheim. So di in between Disneyland and downtown LA is probably the best way I could say it for those people that that would need an understanding. ⁓ but there was a there was a guy that moved from a nearby community into our community.
And my brother and I looked up to him so much. Like like again, we we were looking for a dad. But what happened is that guy came bringing the gang where he was from, which is another city. And so we were so influenced by him that we end up getting into the gang that was in a different city. So what ended up happening is the city that we grew up in, the streets that we grew up on writing skateboards and Tony Hawk in it back in the day, we became a prisoner in our own community.
Jerrad Lopes (12:04)
Mm.
Hm.
John Arroyo (12:31)
And
it was all b and it and really it all stemmed from influencing because he looked we looked up to him and really what we were what we really were is a bunch of orphans.
Jerrad Lopes (12:42)
Yeah, I think all of us, ⁓ I didn't grow up with my dad around either. And so I think I think every man, every boy is longing for that. Like, am I safe? Do I have what it takes? I s it's funny, man. I I'll watch my son who obviously I've been around since he was a boy, and just like his his confidence in life. Like I look at him and he's 15 now and I'm like, dude, there's like somebody will say something to him, or maybe in a sport, somebody will like
Kind of check him or bully him or something, you know, on a in a on a team or whatever. He'll go through these moments that I went through. And I I'll look back. It's it's really hard for me not to see myself in him when I'm watching him in these moments that I went through. But the way that he reacts to these moments is so different than the way I was reacting. And I want to believe he's my only son, but I want to believe it's like, well, he's feels really secure at home. Like he just feels really safe and delighted in by his dad. And these moments that,
y rocked me as a kid, would completely like mess me up. I'd go home and kind of spiral mentally or emotionally. He's just like, he's just like water off his back. He doesn't even care. And I'm just like, man, every boy is longing for like, do I have what it takes? Am I secure? Am I safe in my identity? And so it's it's interesting to see all the ways. And it's not surprising, but it's just fascinating all the ways that you were chasing after. Like, where's my family? Where's my safety? Where's my identity? Where can I kind of
compare myself in manhood and and what you described is like all the ways that men who never have that, even if their dad was around, if they don't have that, how they're continually searching for it today. Phones, women, pornography, addictions, work, whatever it is, like anything that's like, you know, am I safe? Do I have what it takes? Am I valuable? ⁓ okay, so jumped in the gang. Thanks for going down that rabbit trail with me. That ⁓ then you were a father in ninth grade. Tell me about that.
scenario.
John Arroyo (14:37)
Yeah. You know, again, so during that time my my girlfriend who later became my wife, she's currently not my wife today, but you know, she was my high school sweetheart who eventually became my wife, but she didn't have a mother or a father. And she was living with her grandmother. And I remember and and I say this because it was just influences. Again
She was chasing likes but in a different way. So her she wasn't into gangs or anything like that, but her friends started doing things with their boyfriends that that only adults do that should be doing. And what ended up happening is she wasn't she didn't have she didn't have anything to say. She didn't have anything to contribute to the group and the discussion and things like that. And so she was just like, Hey, let's let's do this thing. And I was like,
Like I wasn't pursuing that. You would think, like, I'm the guy, right? I'm this young kid. I wasn't pursuing her in that way. But she it, you know, and again, I'm not as I look back, I just see the influence during that time on her life as well as my life, you just in different ways. And it was and it was just affirmation, being a part of the click, being a part of the story. And so what ended up happening is we we do the thing, and you know, then we end up having a kid. And the thing is we were scared.
So when we found out that she was pregnant, we were going from eighth grade into ninth grade. So we're going into high school and we're hiding it. And, you know, again, my sister's like, ⁓ mom, I think Amber I think Amber's pregnant. And and my mom's like, you know, we were like, No, mom, she's not. It's just summer. She's just gaining weight. You know, we're just hanging out or whatever. And then
Jerrad Lopes (16:07)
Crazy.
Wow.
John Arroyo (16:24)
September came, she had to go to school. Well, now she's like six months pregnant. Like, you cannot deny this woman's preg this young girl's pregnant. But we're hiding it. We're young kids. Her grandmother's in denial. My mother's in denial. Everyone's in denial except for my sister. Well, she goes to school and she has to do PE. And so they have him running stairs and she ends up going into labor one night. And at my son's born at six six months, something like that. And so here I am. Sh sh I would I I turn
Jerrad Lopes (16:50)
my gosh. Nobody knew she was
pregnant. Like nobody was convinced at six months? Holy.
John Arroyo (16:55)
No one. No, no.
No. No. They just we we lied because we were scared. We didn't know what to do. ⁓ I guess we just figured it out. You know, we'll figure it out when it comes to that point. And and the thing is, and I can't, you know, I don't want to go too much into her story, but but she didn't her sh her grandmother was taking legal custody of her, essentially.
And so when when they found out that she was pregnant and grandma found out, grandma's like, well, I I don't want to deal with this. And so she ended up becoming in the hands of the state. They moved her. She had she ended up moving with an aunt, thank God. God just intervened, but here we were, two kids. She was fourteen, I was fifteen. My son was born September thirtieth, and on September 10th, I had just turned 15 years old.
Yeah. And so
Jerrad Lopes (17:53)
So where were you
where were you when you found out she was going into labor with your son?
John Arroyo (17:57)
She called me the morning to because what what would happen is she would walk, I would walk over or we would meet. She would, I would walk over, pick her up, and we would walk to school together. So she called me in the morning. She said, I've been trying to call you all night. I've been trying to call you all night. She's like, My stomach hurts. My stomach hurts. Like, she's like, I didn't sleep all night. And I was like, okay. There was one family member that that we confided in that we trusted. And we were like, like, help us. So we called her aunt.
and it was really just a family member that that was like family and ⁓ or a friend of the family that was like family. And so we called her and said, Hey, like she's had stomach, she her stomach's been hurting since all night. Like we don't know what to do. And her aunt just came, picked us up, took us to the hospital, and they rushed her, rushed her back, and probably within an hour, my son was born. It was like it was
that crazy. Fifteen years old.
Jerrad Lopes (18:56)
What are you yeah,
what are you feeling as a fifteen year old? You've got no family around you, she has no real family around her except for this, you know, aunt kind of aunt. You just brought a l son into the world. What's going through your head?
John Arroyo (19:14)
Just scared. J just scared. I mean, again, you're you're a kid. You don't really know. ⁓ so you're a kid having a kid. And and I just tell you, this this is what I know to be true, and this is what happened. My family didn't judge me. In that moment, it wasn't about, well, you know, let's sit him down and and and you know, tell everything he did wrong or what they're gonna do. It's like
My family just rallied around us and and her aunt who stepped in to help us rallied around us because that the truth was there was a baby. That there was not there was nothing that can be done about that now. So now we have a baby and what do we do? What does that look like? And how do we move forward? And then and then, you know, like my mom was like, Well, you need to continue going to school because how are you, you know, because most people would think, like, well, how am I gonna support my
My kid. I gotta I gotta leave school and I, you know, I need to go start a family or start working. So now that I have a family, and my mom was like, There's no way you're gonna leave school because if you leave school, you will you will give that boy nothing. And so my family just rallied around us and and and really it became a community of ⁓ help.
Jerrad Lopes (20:36)
That's beautiful. ⁓ I wonder too how much of that is cultural, you know, just like in the in the Mexican culture, it's like, okay, we're now the whole family's gonna get involved to help raise this baby. ⁓ I think there's some there's something probably really beautiful about that rallying behind him. ⁓ I don't wanna make any assumptions there. Do you think do you think that's a weird assumption or do you think that that might be a cultural thing? I'm sorry if I made like a Yeah. Yeah.
John Arroyo (20:53)
Yeah.
No, no, no, that's very that's that's very co no, that's absolutely
that's very cultural, it's very tribal. you know what I mean? I think I I think that but I think in any culture, honestly, yeah.
Jerrad Lopes (21:02)
Yeah yeah. I think that's what's beautiful about the Latin
Latin culture too. But yeah, I didn't want to make assumptions there.
John Arroyo (21:10)
No, you got but but what ended up happening though is I will say is that my ex wife ⁓ really had to carry the had to carry the weight of raising our son though because because what ended up happening is they moved her with her aunt, which is a hour away and her aunt was like, Hey man, you're here, great, but now you have a son and you're gonna like you're responsible for him. I'm not, you know, I didn't have him, you did. Well we're here to help you.
But he's your son. And so, you know, when you're fifteen years old and your girlfriend moves an hour away, she might as well have just moved to another state. Yeah.
Jerrad Lopes (21:46)
Yeah, or country even. Yeah. It's just complete what
to go back a little bit, like, ⁓ was there if you're if you're fifteen years old, you're teenagers and you're thinking about this and you guys are kind of a as fourteen, fifteen year olds trying to solve this problem by yourself, was there any talk? Did you guys ever consider abortion? I'm clearly not suggesting that that would have been a good idea, but I'm wondering as a fifth fourteen year old, was that e did you even consider that or?
John Arroyo (22:13)
It it it was for me. It w and and and and no one even knows this, probably except for her. I was like, Hey, let's l you know, again, I I I'm a follower of Christ today. Back then I knew of Christ, but I wasn't walking with him and I didn't know his word I didn't know his word in his ways. ⁓ and so I was just like, How do we like what are we gonna do? Yeah.
Jerrad Lopes (22:31)
Yeah.
You're dude, you're a fourteen year old gang member. Yeah,
I like I'm it's like yeah, I'm yeah.
John Arroyo (22:43)
Yeah. Yeah. Like and so I'm
like, okay, if we if it you know, honestly, no one I've never said this to anybody, ever, ever. This has never come out of my mouth. It's only ever it was only ever a thought when I was a kid. I was like, if we have an abortion, no one will ever ever be the wiser that this happened.
Jerrad Lopes (23:05)
Praise God that he interviewed. Did that how did what yeah, what it what I could tell that that kind of like made you feel something with those words coming out of your mouth if you've never shared it. What what do you feel? What do you feel saying that?
John Arroyo (23:05)
But but praise yeah.
Yeah, well bec yeah, yeah,
because of my my son doesn't know that that was ever a thought, you know, 'cause I didn't you know, so today I love my son and and I mean like I couldn't imagine my life without him. But at fourteen years old, I didn't know what I would be thinking at twenty years old or thirty years old. I wouldn't know I I wouldn't know my life without my son. But as a fourteen year old kid and you're making decisions about life, you know, you're just like how do I h like how how do I hide
Jerrad Lopes (23:17)
Mm.
Mm.
John Arroyo (23:41)
How do I hide what we did? Right. So obviously it's just kinda it's kinda one of those things. You're just you're trying to hide what like how do we get around without anybody knowing and us getting on trouble that we just, you know, Ambr Amber's pregnant. And so, ⁓
Jerrad Lopes (23:48)
Yeah, dude.
I
yeah, I don't think anyone would think to themselves like that's a surprising thought for a fourteen year old boy to have. So, you know, I just want to say that. ⁓ but praise God that what the enemy was planning for evil, God has used for good. You know, I don't even know the rest of your story yet. But ⁓ but yeah, dude. And I just wanna say I love that shirt by the way, Legacy Starter. I love that idea 'cause it
John Arroyo (24:14)
It's a legacy starter, brother.
Jerrad Lopes (24:21)
The this like I I've been talking to some friends about this last couple of weeks. It's like the us first generation Christians, it really is like the hardest. Like when you go from a family, like you didn't have a dad around to teach you about Jesus and the ways of the Lord and what it what does it look like for biblical masculinity, all that stuff. When you don't have that and now you're a first generation Christian, you're trying to figure this out on your own. And you started bro at fourteen years old. Like that's insane. That's that's a early t time to start, you know, this first generation stuff.
It's the hardest generation because praise God, hopefully your son has an easier time than you had. And then as it as it goes on, not easier, life is always going to be hard and full of sin and all that stuff. But like you're you're working through you're going you're going through the trenches. Like it if there's a path to follow Jesus in manhood, you're the one as a first generation with the machete trying to clear the way that hopefully your son walks a little bit easier path and his son has a little bit easier path than your great great grandkids are walking down a paved road.
Again, not easier, but in the sense that like I know what it looks like to be a man of God. I don't know if that makes sense, but
John Arroyo (25:26)
Yeah, it does. Yeah, let me share this story with you because I think I think it applies right here. And it it all goes down to, you know, I never heard my dad say, but so growing up, we we were raised Catholic. and and I honestly believe that it was r really more cultural than it was anything, you know. I I was I was this denomination because I was told. You know, I was just raised into it. So but it but
We were my family wasn't churchgoers, we weren't church attendees. But I knew enough of God. And just one Sunday morning, about the time my dad died, I was I was a young boy, about five years old. ⁓ I was watching Sunday morning cartoons and they used to be this church bus used to come in our neighborhood and used to pick up families. ⁓ they were they they were in assemblies of God church. Again, I didn't know that back then. I just knew that the church bus would come on Sundays and they would pick up families and but that we
That's not something we did. We didn't get on we didn't get on the bus and we didn't go to that church. But one Sunday morning that horn sounded. I'm watching cartoons and I just instinctively get up and get on that bus. Like I was supposed to be on that bus. So I get up, I get on the bus. I don't tell my mom. I don't tell anybody. Everyone's still sleeping. It's probably seven in the morning. Sunday, they take me to church. I guess they recognize that I don't have an adult with me. That's back then. Yeah, exactly.
Jerrad Lopes (26:50)
Yeah, it's kidnapp kidnapping at that point. Yeah.
John Arroyo (26:53)
Well,
and and they recognize that, you know, hey, this guy doesn't have an adult. But but back then people knew who you were. Like people weren't afraid. They they knew that you were the neighbor, you know, and so they were like, Hey, there's there's John, like, but Rosemary's not with them. And so we probably need to call his mom and let her know that we have his son, have have her son. So they call my mom. My mom comes and gets me. And I believe that that day when that bus showed up and beeped the horn, I believe God
Jerrad Lopes (27:02)
Yeah, different times. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
John Arroyo (27:22)
was calling me. Like essentially that was God that was that was calling me to him. And I I believe that day that he put his hand on my life, right? Because the Bible says that God takes on the cause of the widows and the orphans. And so he was calling me at a young age, which I didn't know. So I walked into that church from getting on that bus and they and I walk out of that I walk out of that church and I walk straight into the wilderness. So fast forward 40 years.
2023, I'm in Texas. I'm at this church conference, and I end up meeting a pastor that actually is pastoring in my hometown back where I grew up. And my wife is like, man, it'd be so great. Like if you guys connected and he would let you share your story back home and it would be cool. Like, you know, I was like, man, it'd be so good. I'd love to preach to my family. Like, man, I'd love to preach the gospel to them and get all my cousins and everybody and get them, get them in the room. So this guy ends up inviting me to his church.
And it's March of twenty twenty three, I think is when when it was. And so I run over to, you know, the computer and I Google his church when he invites me and I just stop and I'm just shocked and I just tears just start running down my my face because it's the bus, it's the church that I got on the bus when I was five years old. God brought me back to the very place I met him forty years later. And what what God showed me in that is is you're talking about like
Jerrad Lopes (28:37)
my gosh.
John Arroyo (28:49)
Man, we're first generation Christians. How are we doing it? What he showed me in this is that he was always with me, but I wasn't with him. He walked with me. He was my father. So in in that moment, I went looking for a dad until I found my father. And that's part of I never heard my dad say because that's what this book is about. And again, I'm not trying to talk about the book or promote the book. I'm just telling you that that was that was the revelation. That's what healed the orphan, the orphan spirit in my heart.
Jerrad Lopes (28:55)
Yeah. Hmm.
John Arroyo (29:18)
That's what filled that void when I realized that my whole life I looked for a dad, but my father was always with me. And so God showed me, son, I've been with you your whole life. Let and and there's a scripture in ⁓ Exodus chapter three, verse twelve, where God tells Moses, Moses, this is how you're gonna know that it's me ⁓ who sent you, because you're come back to this mountain and you will worship me here. When I went back 40 years later, right.
Jerrad Lopes (29:30)
Yeah.
John Arroyo (29:46)
Just like the Israelites. Forty years later, when I went back, my son and my grandson were in the church service. my grandson, that was his first church service, and grandpa was the preacher that day. That's that's the difference and legacy in what we're doing today.
Jerrad Lopes (29:58)
my gosh, dude.
Man. Dude, that's so beautiful, man. I just I literally last night was hugging my wife in the kitchen and ⁓ we were just hugging for a long time, man, and I was like, I don't know what it was, but something about the moment. We've had a we've kind of had a rough last couple of years and I I was just holding her and I was like just kind of whispering in her ear like
Not one day has the Lord not been faithful to us. Not one day in all the journey and all the mess and all the sin and all the brokenness, not one day has God wavered. He's been before us and behind us and to the side of us. Like he has been so faithful. And I'm hearing that in your story. It's like as you are pursuing gangs and doing drugs and having baby. And it's just like from the outside, everybody's like, dude, this guy's life is falling apart. Dude, you're getting shot at your job. Like the insane stuff.
And you just like you look back at like not one day was God not faithful to you. Not one day did he abandon you. ⁓ I'm just really encouraged by your story, brother.
John Arroyo (31:03)
Well, and thank you. It's important because, you know, for those people that don't know what the Bible says, when the in the book of Numbers, when when Moses sends the the twelve spies to go in and and search, you know, like check out the promised land and they come back, and ten spies cause the entire generation to be disobedient and not trust God. God sends them back into the wilderness. Something that should have just took a couple day journey, became a forty year journey.
But but what people don't understand in that be that we're so used to just the fear base and and God's judging you. When they went back into the desert, who went with them? God did. God went back into the desert with the disobedient people that he was so angry at that he was trying to give them something, but yet he never left them. And the Bible even goes on to say that their clothes didn't wear out, that their sandals didn't wear out, that they were provided for. He provided for them even in their disobedience.
And so, you know, ⁓ I want to share this with you. Man, I know we have so much we have so much to say. And I think this would be encouraging for your listeners. So when I end up finally joining the military because I, you know, needed a way out of life and and finally I listened to my sister and I joined the military, which was really an opportunity for me to grow up and get discipline. It it's finally where
where I got that discipline. And so everything that was inside of me, like that God put in from the foundation of the world, who I who I was called to be, it was finally where in the military where men and women begin to call out what was inside. My sergeants, right? We're calling out the identity, the the leader, the warrior. and then I and then I end up becoming a Green Beret. And and the thing about a special operator is the military cannot mass produce special operators.
Like if the if if the military can mass produce Navy SEALs, then everybody would be a Navy SEAL. Everybody would be a Green Beret or Delta Force operator. But they can't. What they do is they pull it out of you. They like just like you said, like with your son, man, he he's seeking that challenge, like the approval, like man, like he's confident in who he is. And so what's happening is a young boy, he's testing and you're pulling out, you're pulling out that adventure in him, you're pulling out that warrior in him, the the stuff that God
Jerrad Lopes (33:08)
Right.
John Arroyo (33:30)
had put in there. What well what ends up happening is as a young boy growing up, my sergeants become kind of like your dad, right? Your dad and your mom. They they become the authority figure that that your your father should have been in your home, but he my father wasn't there. So my authority figures speak to me like this. Right? Hey, and they talk to me like that. They loved me, they encouraged me, but they talked to me with authority
like that. So I figured that that's what authority looked like. That's what I figured, that's how men talk to their families. And that's so in turn, that's how I treated my family. So I ended up getting married to a wonderful woman named Angel. My my first wife and I, we didn't we didn't make it. ⁓ but I was still in my son's life. I'm still in his life today. But I end up marrying a woman with two children and this is how I talked to them. This is how I treated them.
And then they start getting in trouble. Because the other thing is, is that even though I was in the military, I still had Los Angeles in me, right? So the the when as the Israelites were in the desert in the wilderness, for the 40 years, God was trying to get Egypt out of them. Right. So not only were they in the wilderness and they were they had just left Egypt, but now Egypt had to get out of them. And I carried Egypt, I carried the streets of Los Angeles in me. So
Jerrad Lopes (34:43)
Mm.
John Arroyo (34:55)
My kids grew up on the weekends and barbecues and beers and, you know, still listening to the F the police and the NWA and the Ice Cube and the Easy E and still still here, I was still the guy back on the streets, right? You could take the boy out of the hood, but you can't take the hood out of the boy until you have a renewing of the mind. So my kids start getting in trouble. They start getting, they start following the path that that because I glorified.
Jerrad Lopes (35:11)
Mm-hmm.
John Arroyo (35:21)
I glorified the gang life. I glorified the gangster rap. I glorified all this stuff. I talked to my family like this. I brought alcohol in my home. I went to war three times. I brought war home. I brought the anxiousness. I brought the anxiety of it. ⁓ I wasn't real confident back then. And so all that to say, I just brought this this stuff in my home. And so so going back to today.
My kids are growing up and they're now they're still being delivered from the stuff that they opened themselves into. And I believe a lot of it had to do with the culture that they were in they were raised in. and so just the other day, ⁓ my son, one of my sons, not not my biological son in California, but what my stepson got
Jerrad Lopes (36:02)
Mm.
John Arroyo (36:15)
He's he's gonna probably be moving here to Florida where we're at. We have 20 acres of land. And I'm and I'm looking at a text from him and I hear this, I hear that I have this thought, and it just drops in it just drops in my mind. Pay off his house. And I'm like, ⁓ what? Like, ⁓ what? Pay off his house. But it was so clear. Like I just in this text, I just see it and it's so clear, and I'm like.
Like, okay. And so I thought it was going to be a smaller amount. And I'm like, no, I'm not gonna, you know, I'll I'll pay the smaller amount, right? So we start, you know, we then we start like kind of working through with God. Well, I'll do this, but I won't do that. And long story short, I found out, I find out that that his that his mortgage is more than what I was expecting, couple thousand dollars more. And I'm like, well, God
Jerrad Lopes (37:04)
You sorry,
sorry, you felt like you God was the thought in your head was to pay off his house?
John Arroyo (37:10)
Yeah, to pay off my son's house.
Jerrad Lopes (37:12)
Okay. I thought you were saying pay off your house with the twenty acres. Okay, but no, no, but you felt you failed to college to pay off his house. Okay.
John Arroyo (37:14)
Yeah, no yeah, so so
Yeah, to so to pay off my son's house. So long story short, is is to is a call to pay off my son's house. I thought it was gonna lessen out long. So yesterday, yesterday, so one one I purposed it in my heart to help my son that I was gonna do it, that I was gonna pay off his house. Yesterday I got the mail and there was a check in the mail for the exact amount of what I was gonna pay on his house.
And this this kid, my son, is struggling, struggling to come off of alcohol, struggling in things like ⁓ anxiety, things like that. So when you look at someone's life and you say, Man, I don't know if God's really with that guy. It's not that God's not with him, it's whether they're with God. And so God is always pursuing us.
And in order for God to get his will done on on on the earth, now, now my son has a father who is connected, being a legacy starter and loving him rather than judging him like when he was a kid. And so when God says to do something, then I do it, and then he shows up. And guess what? He also pays his bills. And so it's I just say that to you because as you were, you know.
I say that to your listeners because as you were talking about like, man, finances, you know, we've been going through some stuff. Hey, just, just be obedient.
Jerrad Lopes (38:47)
Yeah, dude. ⁓ I'm so encouraged by your story, man. I there's so I want to like pick your brain and sit with you for a lot longer than we have. ⁓ when you said you went back to your home church that 40 years ago the bus picked you up, you said that around that moment the Lord revealed to you that you've been carrying around this orphan spirit. ⁓ was that was that the moment that you feel like God really healed this big wound in you? Like what how did the wounds that you've carried around for
Forty years start to get healed or when did it get healed?
John Arroyo (39:21)
Yeah, it so it's a process. Everything God does is a process. You know, a lot of times people want miracles and and miracles are good, but what miracles don't do is give you the compassion to walk with somebody else. When when when you because because if something just happens instantly and it's just like, well, I prayed and it just happened. So when someone came to you, because the Bible says we comfort others with the comfort with which we were comforted.
So how are you gonna comfort others if you if if something just was a miracle? So
Jerrad Lopes (39:55)
Dude, I literally I don't
I don't mean to interrupt you, but I literally just had this thought with what you what with what you just said right there. Like this literally just popped in my mind. But sometimes miracles are measured in millimeters. That thought just popped in my mind. It's like just these little like the Lord is being faithful. He is going to do what he said he's gonna do. He is gonna redeem, he's gonna make alive the things that are dead. But sometimes that's measured in millimeters, and that's really frustrating to us. I don't mean to interrupt you, man, but that thought just popped in your memory. Yeah.
John Arroyo (40:08)
Yeah.
Yeah. No, that's good.
So, so when God began to so when he healed my heart and healed me from the orphan wound, what he did is he did it in process. He walked me through the journey of it. So part of it was taking me back to that church 40 years later to show me, to show me that he had always been with me. And then to be able to use it as a message that I could share with others because there's so many people like.
my gosh, I didn't I didn't know that God was with me. It's I didn't know that when I was getting jumped into a gang, Jesus was with me right there. And and everything else, like, you know, after I realized that what had happened, that God had always been with me, I was like, my gosh, God, you were with me then. You were with me then. Like, my God, I walked you into some really bad places. You know, there's some things there that I did that weren't good. And and you're still telling me that you loved me and that you didn't leave me, you didn't forsake me. And so it was all.
that. So that walking back into that church was a big part of it. That I mean that probably was the big catalyst to the healing process. But really it was also hearing his voice as he began to show me where he was and that and that my whole life I went looking for a daddy until I found my father. And it really goes back I don't know if your listeners know this, but you may know this. It really goes back to
The story of Mephibosheth in the Bible. I don't know if you know that story. And it's it's where it's where. Okay, so so Mephibosheth in the Bible, it's in 2 Samuel. He you can find him in 2nd Samuel chapter 4 and 2nd Samuel chapter 9. So when David becomes king of all of Israel, not just Judah, but all of Israel, he had made a covenant with King Saul's son, Jonathan. So King Saul.
Jerrad Lopes (41:54)
Not not preached on often. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, tell tell tell us.
John Arroyo (42:18)
His son Jonathan, what should have been the second king of all of Israel. Well, Jonathan had a son. His name was Mephibosheth. And in Jonathan, so you got King Saul, you got Jonathan, and then in the lineage should have been Mephiboshev, probably third in line. But David ends up becoming king. David and and Jonathan make make a covenant and did and Jonathan tells David, I know, I know that that you're gonna be the next king. It's not gonna be me.
And I want and and I'm I want you to promise me right now that you'll take care of me and you and you won't destroy me and you won't destroy my family. I I love you, David, and I will serve you, but please take care of my family. And so when Jonathan when King Saul and Jonathan die, David says, I'm gonna honor my brother. And he said, Is there anybody left in the house of Saul? And they said, Well, Mephibosheth. ⁓ he's you know, Jonathan's son, he's he's in Lodabar. Lodabar means wilderness, like wasteland.
And so you got this guy that's royalty, really. His grandfather's the first king all of Israel, but he's living in the wilderness. He's living in in the in a wasteland. And the day, the day that King Saul and Jonathan died, the nurse picks up Mephiboshev and she's running with him because back then the next king would kill all the lineage of the former king. And so she she the nurse picks up John ⁓ Mephiboshef. She's running with him and she drops him. And he becomes cripple in that moment. So not only does he lose his dad.
loses identity, loses status, he becomes cripple. And the truth is, how many people in our lives have dropped us? Right. So you that that kind of story relates. Long story short, David comes and he says, Hey, I want to honor Jonathan. Is there anybody left in the house of Saul that I may honor my brother? Because I made a covenant with him. They Mephiboshev. So they bring Mephiboshev to the king and he throws himself on the floor. He's crippled and he says, King, whatever you're going to do to me, do it quickly because I'm just a dead dog. And the truth is
That is what the world has done to us. We're we're the Mefiboshefs today. We're really royalty, but we see ourselves because we've been dropped. Things have happened. We didn't have fathers. We've been sexually abused. Things have happened to us and we've been dropped and we've lived in Lodabar here. This is the wasteland. This is the wilderness now where people are ⁓ that's this is where they live in prison. And so we're no different. We see ourselves as dead dogs and what.
What King David does to Mephiboshef is he says, Mephiboshef, what are you talking about? Today I'm restoring you, and you will sit at the king's table forever. So you got this guy whose royalty sees himself as a dead dog, lives in low to bar, but the truth is his whole life, he never stopped being royalty. That's our story. That's what God is trying to help us understand. But what we what we've done.
is we've lived more in Lodabar than we've lived in the kingdom.
Jerrad Lopes (45:21)
That was one of the most beautiful exegesis of a passage I've heard in a really long time. That was so well said, man. where were you right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where were you at mentally, spiritually on the day that you got shot?
John Arroyo (45:29)
That's the store. So that's part of the healing. So going back to your question, like that's this part of it.
Two thousand nine, I was shot in twenty fourteen, April second. Two thousand nine, my wife and I hit rock bottom. We were the drunkest people at every party. And we walked into a church and we drugged the brokenness with us. We drug the alcoholism with us. And little by little God began to clean us out and to change our friends and transition us because I believe, you know, he knew that there was a storm coming and we needed to be a tree planted into the rivers of living water.
So I was a believer of Jesus Christ. We were, and we were part of a non-denominational church. So when we were shot, we had a foundation in Jesus. I know a lot of people ask me that, like, hey, were you a believer in Jesus? I was, not to the degree I am today. but yeah, I had a foundation in Jesus. And I will say, kind of like Saul DePaul, like that Damascus moment, like I, you know, I had an encounter with Jesus, and before.
Before I was shot
I thought that I was gonna go into the Fortune five hundred world like, man, I'm this former special operator, got a degree now, ⁓ I became an army officer. Like the the world is gonna pay me for my education. The world is gonna I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go after the money. But after I got up off the ground, the only thing I wanted to do was to tell the world about the one who saved me.
Jerrad Lopes (47:05)
Wow. Yeah, let's let's ⁓ end our time together by you picking up where you started this whole story, which was you got shot through the neck and your thought was you need to get up because if not your wife's gonna die. You stand up, what happens?
John Arroyo (47:21)
Yeah, so I'm
yeah, well, and I think this is important before I get to the stand-up part. Is I laid on the ground, I remember just thinking, who's gonna take care of my family? And and before the shooting, you know, for us, ⁓ especially men, it's real easy to like, man, I need to I need to provide for my family. I need to give them they they need a bigger home. They need a better home, they need a bigger car, they need a better car.
That you know, I need to have these letters after my name. I need to have these titles and these positions because I need to do, and really, a lot of the time what we're doing is really for us. And so in the military, it's really easy to hide a lot of those that orphan stuff. And so what we do is we go and we achieve and and we tell our families, just wait, I'm ⁓ I'm taking this position, I'm taking this assignment, I'm doing this, but I'm doing it for us, I'm doing it for us, and it's not really for them because our families.
never really are asking us for bigger homes and better cars and things like that. What they're really asking us for is for us.
They're really asking us for us. And so when I was on the ground and my life was pouring out, all the stuff that consumed my life that the world told me, John, if you have this, you made it. I mean, just turn on social media. If if your family looks like this, if you go to this beach, if you drive this car, if you have this much money, if you have this house, John, you made it. But when I was on the ground and my life was pouring out, not once did I think about all the things that consumed my life. The only thing I thought about were the people that I sacrificed most.
Jerrad Lopes (48:26)
Hundred percent.
John Arroyo (48:54)
So I get up and I hear this again. So I heard audibly twice, get up, your wife is gonna die. I get up off the ground and instantly I hear my pastor from North Carolina, where we walked into that church in 2009, and he used to tell us, hey, when you pray, pray out loud. And I hear Pastor Dan right in that moment. God puts Pastor Dan's voice in my head and he says, pray out loud. And I believe what God was saying to me was, I need you to ask me for help right now.
Jerrad Lopes (49:17)
Mm-hmm.
John Arroyo (49:24)
And so I just say, Jesus help. Like the and I don't even know if it was like I said it because I was just shot in the throat. So I don't think I actually spoke it out, but I but I said Jesus help. Whether it came from my heart or my mind, I said it. And so I grab onto my throat and I start walking and I see a soldier walking towards me. And I'm like, if I just get to this guy, he's gonna help me. He's gonna he's gonna get me to the hospital. And so as I get closer to this guy, he stops and he's looking around real hyper vigilant.
And I recognize and I stop and we're 10 feet apart. We're on the same walking path. And I'm standing in front of the guy that shot me. He shot me from his car. He drives off. He gets out of his car. And I was victim 16. He gets out of his car. He starts walking. We end up on the same walking path. And Jesus blinds him from seeing me. And my pastor had said to me before, he said, John, one, I would never mess with your wife because God loves her.
He told you to get up for her. You better be nice to that young girl. And the second thing is, he said, if God can make blind eyes see, he can make seen eyes blind. And so God blinds him, he turns, walks away from me, walks into a walks into a building that we're both standing in front of, shoots three more people, walks out the back and kills himself. So, but when he walks into that building, I move away from him because I was like, I'm not gonna stay here and just figure out what he's gonna do next.
But as I'm moving away, I could hear him shooting. And ⁓ as I as I hear him shooting, these soldiers are looking through a window because now they're starting to recognize that something's going on. And they say to me, This is how we knew that you were injured. It looked like you had a red scarf flapping in the wind. It was the blood squirting out of your neck. But one soldier is looking through this window and he's like, Dang, that dude is bleeding. But that soldier that yelled that didn't come help me. There were there were several that came.
Jerrad Lopes (51:10)
my god.
John Arroyo (51:22)
So one of the things that I wanna your listeners to understand is that not everybody's coming. And so they get to me, about five guys run to me, they risk their lives for me. They get me in the back of a truck. As they're getting me to the hospital, my I'm starting to go out. And one of the guys said, he said, every time you would, you know, like as you were going out, he said, I just kept telling you, hey, just keep squeezing my hand, keep squeezing my hand. And plus the other thing is I was shot in the throat. So whenever someone's bleeding, what do people typically do? They put
pressure where there's bleeding. Well, what where are they putting pressure? On my throat. So these guys are I'm trying to fight for every breath and they're putting pressure on my throat. And so I kept trying to move their hand. I mean it it was a bad situation. They get me into the hospital and one of the doctors intubates me. And so they prep me for surgery because I mean they gotta get me into surgery. I'm bleeding. They don't they're not sure if I have just seconds to live. So they they rush me to the elevator to get me into the OR for surgery. And so
Jerrad Lopes (52:01)
Cas.
John Arroyo (52:22)
During the same time, all the doctors that are on staff are now running towards the ER. Like everybody's alerted because it's a mass casualty situation. There's 19 of us shot. So they get me to the elevator. The elevator doors open. And so they go to push me into the elevator so they could hurry up and get me into the OR. Two doctors come out of the elevator they're trying to put me in, and they were the ear, nose, and throat surgeons. Every single thing was exactly where it needed to be the moment.
I was obedient to that voice. And the thing is, he had been with me since I was a little boy.
Jerrad Lopes (53:00)
Bro, I ⁓ this is one of the most
Emotional. ⁓ I don't want to be like over spirit, like spirit filled conversations I've had in a really long time, bro. ⁓ hearing your story, and I know we only got to scratch pieces of bits of your story, dude. I am ⁓ all I like I'm gonna get off of here and I'm just gonna thank Jesus for being the kind of God that He is. You truly have brought me closer to the Lord.
in our one hour of getting to hang out today. And ⁓ I'm just so grateful to get to know you and hear your story, man. I'm very, very encouraged. Most encouraged by like so many guys can look at you. I look at you from across my screen like this is a this guy's a stud, bro. He's like he's strong and he's he can he's a fighter and he's a warrior. And but the thing that is most compelling about you is your humility and your desperate ⁓ how vulnerable you've been and throughout this conversation.
And you're you're being desperate for Jesus to show up in your life to make you into the man that he's called you to be. That is the most that is the thing that's most compelling about you. And I I really want to be more like that. And so I'm really so, so grateful for our time today. I'm so grateful that we got to meet and hear your story. And I really hope that this isn't the last time that we get to hang out.
John Arroyo (54:24)
Absolutely. Well, and you asked me a question in the beginning. So why would the chaplain ask you to have me on your show? What is it about your story? This is it, bro. And one of the things that I didn't say is that when I had when I was knife handing my family, the reason why Jesus said, Get up or your wife is gonna die is because during that time she attempted suicide twice. So we've we've lived through it and I can't wait to share more with you in the future.
Jerrad Lopes (54:53)
Thank you, brother. Truly. This has been remarkable. Thank you so much, man.
John Arroyo (54:58)
Yeah, you're welcome.