170 Letting Go of Getting My Act Together | Barb Patterson

Show Notes

What if the constant drive to optimize, organize, and “get it right” is actually keeping us at a distance from life?

In this solo episode, Barb explores the subtle illusion behind getting our act together and how perfectionism and control can quietly delay action, presence, and aliveness.

Using everyday examples and the metaphor of the kayak versus the yacht, she invites us to loosen our grip on certainty, trust our capacity to learn, and step more fully into the imperfect, unfolding reality of our lives.

Thank you for listening and for being part of this journey.

SHOW NOTES:

[00:00] - Welcome to The Innerverse of Business and Life Podcast

[00:54] - Letting Go of Perfectionism

[05:58] - The Illusion of Control

[12:52] - Embracing Imperfection and Uncertainty

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What is The Innerverse of Business & Life?

This podcast is a space to explore the profound connection between our inner world and our work in the world. We dive deep into the heart of what it means to live and work from a felt knowing of our essential selves – aligned, alive, and fully expressed. We’ll play at the intersection of business, spirituality, consciousness, and growth.

Through intimate conversations with thought leaders, change-makers, authors, and humans just like you and me, you’ll hear real stories of transformation and the internal shifts, “aha” moments, and wake-up calls that have helped them to access new dimensions of creativity, higher levels of intelligence, unlock dormant potentials and experience greater joy and fulfillment.

00;00;05;09 - 00;00;32;21
Unknown
Welcome to the Universe of Business and Life podcast. I'm your host, Barbara Patterson. This podcast explores the powerful connection between our inner world and how we show up in the world. Will delve into the intersection of business, spirituality, consciousness, and personal growth. Your conversations with thought leaders, changemakers, authors, and everyday humans. You'll hear real stories of transformation, moments, and the wake up calls that ignited profound change.

00;00;32;27 - 00;00;53;29
Unknown
My hope is that this is not another business as usual podcast, but that these conversations spark moments of resonance, insight and inspiration and open you up to new possibilities for your work and life. So let's dive in together and experience the rich, multi-dimensional inner verse within.

00;00;54;02 - 00;01;24;07
Unknown
Welcome to the universe of business and life. This is Barb. Today, I want to talk about what I'm trying to give up in the new year. And that's getting my act together. Really? Can I just leave that in 2025? And every other year prior to that? The illusion. The fallacy that one day I am going to get my act together and as a result, life will be amazing.

00;01;24;07 - 00;01;51;26
Unknown
My business will be amazing. Everything will flow. It's like that never ending trick of the mind that, you know, if I could get ahead of the to do list, if I could get ahead of the content I need to create, if I could just get my act together a little bit more, everything would be great. But the other is this idea that optimization is a good and worthy pursuit.

00;01;51;28 - 00;02;13;27
Unknown
In other words, the subtle way in which we constantly raise the standards around what we want to do. So I'll give you an example. The morning routine. Like many of you, I want to be healthy. So I'm in a workout. And, I can turn that into this kind of constant shift in raising the bar. I got to do it just right.

00;02;13;27 - 00;02;48;08
Unknown
There's a right, right way to do this. Or a more optimized way. Or in the morning routine. I'd like to use some time in the morning for just quiet. Not consuming anything and listening and connecting, you know, to my own essential nature. So then all of a sudden that turns into, well, for how long? And, you know, I think I should do that right after I wake up, because they say your brain is already kind of in this in-between space, and it's a perfect time to access the unconditioned mind and to see what else might be there.

00;02;48;10 - 00;03;10;21
Unknown
So again, I've gone from just wanting to ground myself in a different kind of energy in the morning to now there's an optimal time to do it. And even the exercise, should I do it on an empty stomach? Well, you know, not anymore. At my age, that creates more cortisol. So sorry for you all potentially, but you're getting a peek into my mind.

00;03;10;28 - 00;03;35;21
Unknown
And what I started to see is all these, whether it's the you know, endless ways of, you know, getting my act together or optimizing. Keep up this internal illusion that perfection is attainable, that there's a perfect way to do something or a more optimal way to do it. And, I should do it that way. If I'm going to do it at all.

00;03;35;23 - 00;03;56;08
Unknown
But then what happens is, well, I wake up a little late, so never mind. I have a fun example. I was, recently visiting a good friend of mine, and she sings not not professionally, but she's a beautiful voice and loves to sing. And she said to me, you. Because, you know, I, I want to sing more.

00;03;56;08 - 00;04;19;18
Unknown
Like, why am I not singing more? I love it so much. And I was like, yeah, that sounds great. And then she goes, yeah, but my electric piano is in storage. And I was like, what? Electric piano? She's like, yeah, I bought one because I thought it would be really cool to learn and sing. And I'm like, well, do you know how to play it?

00;04;19;19 - 00;04;42;06
Unknown
And she's like, no. And and we both just started laughing because it was just such a fun example and a light example of how we put another obstacle now. So you can't just start singing throughout the day. Now she has to have the perfect electric piano, which then she has to learn it first before she can just sing.

00;04;42;06 - 00;05;06;22
Unknown
And, I think it's a fun kind of place to start to see, like, where are we living in these false ideas of perfection or optimization or, you know, do something. We've got to do it right. And I used to think it would be a fun exercise at the start of any kind of group training to ask how many infomercial products have you bought?

00;05;06;22 - 00;05;32;21
Unknown
Now, in today's day and age, that might be, how many ads or have you bought off your social media feed? But I used to laugh and say I'm highly influential. Like at the end of an infomercial. I believe that that knife is absolutely going to change my life. It's it's these ways in which the mind will say, yeah, I need that.

00;05;32;21 - 00;06;06;27
Unknown
So again, just pointing to this idea, this illusion that we can all have in various forms that somehow, if we do it right, if we get it right, if we optimize it, if we get everything we need in our environment first, or we get clear about the steps, or we get clear about the time and the structure, that somehow it's going to guarantee a certain kind of outcome or it's going to guarantee a more productive day.

00;06;07;03 - 00;06;28;19
Unknown
That idea of morning routines that, and, you know, like how your day goes is how your day starts, you know, and then I'd be like, well, my mornings ruined. I didn't do any of that. My day is ruined. So, so yeah, it's it's true, you know, woke up and got distracted. But that has nothing to do with what's possible for the rest of my day.

00;06;28;22 - 00;06;51;28
Unknown
But the mind will have you believing that, you've ruined your day already. Or you need the perfect microphone before you can start. Or you need to know what's going to happen A to Z before you step in to be underneath all that. Which is what I want to talk to for a moment, is the illusion of control.

00;06;52;01 - 00;07;25;12
Unknown
And then optimization becomes this trap for raising the bar. The standards, or putting the power in the structure starts to become a way in which we delay, or a way that might be protecting us from actually just diving into the thing. I was listening to a podcast recently by Rich Rolle, and it had Oliver Burkeman, who wrote his most recent book, is called I think, meditations for mortals, and it's a great read.

00;07;25;12 - 00;08;15;11
Unknown
I recommend it, but really he talks about this idea of perfectionism and the illusion of perfectionism, and that often perfectionism is driven by a need for control, that somehow, if I get myself right, or if I get the structure right or the right tools, that it will guarantee a smoother ride. And he has this analogy where he talks about this, the yacht versus a kayak, and it's like this big super yacht, fancy yacht, and you're kind of up on the deck and you're navigating the waters and you have this GPS system, you have these, you know, amazing electronic devices and you know, the steering wheel, and it feels like you control it, that, you know,

00;08;15;11 - 00;08;50;10
Unknown
you can control life because you have this super yacht. And the truth is, ultimately, you're not controlling the weather and you're not controlling the river or the ocean or the body of water that you're in. But again, if we, the mind will make us believe that if we get everything programed in advance that somehow we are controlling those things, or we can control the outcome and the analogy then to the kayak is that really it's probably more true or honest reflection that we're in the kayak.

00;08;50;10 - 00;09;14;24
Unknown
So it's not that we don't have any influence on where we go and how we go, but the truth is the influences more and how we respond to the rapids or the waves or the weather or life, and that we can learn to be more comfortable in the knowing that way more is out of our control than in it.

00;09;14;27 - 00;09;40;20
Unknown
And that perfectionism is a form of protection, and it's trying to protect us from that feeling of complete uncertainty about ourselves and where life is taking us. And I think if we could all learn to get more comfortable being in uncertainty, that we don't need to protect ourselves. We aren't fragile. We can ride the way this we have what it takes.

00;09;40;20 - 00;10;11;22
Unknown
We've been doing it our whole lives. So do I need to protect myself from life? Do I need to protect myself from the unknown or the variables? It keeps us closer and closer contact to a direct experience of life. And this is in the direction of richness and surprises and expanded capacities, and discovering more of who we are and stepping more into new experiences.

00;10;11;22 - 00;10;42;10
Unknown
We start to realize that messiness is a given. Oh, if we could accept fully the imperfect nature of ourselves in life and see that perfectionism or the illusion that if we get our act together or we get all the right things around us, that it will guarantee a particular outcome, we could let that go. Then we get to ask ourselves, well, if I'm not putting my certainty there, where am I putting it?

00;10;42;13 - 00;11;09;05
Unknown
And this is where I think we start to see where real liberation comes. So coming back to the kayak analogy, you realize, like the river's already flowing, life is slicing right? And we just ride that current. We get in, we get in the water and we navigate. We learn to be responsive. We learn to pay attention, we learn to trust our movements.

00;11;09;05 - 00;11;37;22
Unknown
And we can put our certainty and our ability to learn. It can put our certainty on our ability to find our bearings. When things get complicated, we can put our certainty in our ability to find peace of mind within. You start to see that I don't have to put my certainty in outcome. I don't have to put my certainty in a particular smooth ride.

00;11;37;25 - 00;12;02;00
Unknown
I can let go. You can let go of the absolute, let go of the illusion that if I'm more productive, if I'm more disciplined, more committed, if I get my act together, that I'll be better and things will be easier. Because the truth is, as I said, those are often for me, delay tactics. And what if that is a protective measure?

00;12;02;00 - 00;12;27;21
Unknown
What if that is just an idea that we can't handle it, or we won't be equipped to handle whatever comes up? My sister and I were talking just this morning about a conversation or an interview where the founder of Spanx, Sarah, I'm going completely blank on her last name right now. She went from selling fax machines to creating this product, Spanx, and then having to sell it.

00;12;27;21 - 00;12;53;23
Unknown
And the interviewer asked her, like, how did you have the confidence to do that? And she said it wasn't confidence that it would work or that it would. I do well, she said. But what I did have confidence in was my ability to learn. I knew I could learn. I love that again. It's where do we want to put our certainty and our confidence, and where can we let go of the illusion of control?

00;12;53;24 - 00;13;32;27
Unknown
Because we know we'll rise to the occasion. We have it within us to learn, to grow, to handle it, to sit in our uncomfortableness. Or what might feel vulnerable in that direction is where the aliveness is. You know, when you're up in the yacht, maybe it feels like a smoother ride. You're not noticing the bumps. But when we're closer to life, closer to the experience, and we give ourselves permission to step in messy, imperfect, then there's an aliveness that's available there, an aliveness in being that close to the water and that moves us.

00;13;32;27 - 00;14;01;24
Unknown
Where might you still be trying to get your own act together? Where might you be raising the bar, actually keeping yourself distant from life? Where are you potentially protecting yourself? Are you protecting yourself from feeling vulnerable or exposed or new to something? I want to encourage you and me too. This year. Let's step more in. Let's let go of optimizing every little thing we do.

00;14;01;24 - 00;14;35;29
Unknown
And and I'll just share in the podcast. This year, I've been leaning into this idea of, rather than sharing from the other side of a challenge or from the other side of insight. I'm really curious to play with the journey along the way, so you may hear me sharing more ideas and thoughts and things that are happening as they're waking up in me, as I'm exploring them, as I'm learning, I might go down a path and then have a realization and shift and adjust, but it just feels more authentic and real.

00;14;35;29 - 00;15;01;29
Unknown
So in the spirit of that, I haven't thought that out fully. I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I'm inspired. There's something nudging me share from a place of what's alive, authentic, what I'm interested in, the things I'm reading, the things I'm learning, all of that. So I look forward to playing with that and seeing what happens with the podcast I'll continue to have guest on.

00;15;01;29 - 00;15;26;12
Unknown
I love talking to people. Just circle back for today. I invite us all to let go of trying to get our act together, let go of trying to constantly raising the bar if you can let it go and really lean into the imperfect human journey. All right. I hope this was helpful in some way for you today. I look forward to hearing from you.

00;15;26;13 - 00;15;36;13
Unknown
You can always reach me at Barb at Barbara patterson.com. Thank you.

00;15;36;15 - 00;15;54;20
Unknown
As always, thank you for tuning in. If you enjoyed this podcast, it would mean a lot to us. If you could take a moment to first subscribe and follow wherever you like to listen to podcasts. Hitting the follow button means you'll never miss a show. All you have to do is hit the plus sign in the upper right hand corner, or click on follow while you're there.

00;15;54;20 - 00;16;14;10
Unknown
If you like what you're hearing, we'd appreciate you taking a moment to give us a shout out and review. Most importantly, however, if you know anyone that would benefit from this episode, please pass it along. And finally, if you'd like to learn more about my work in Reverse Academy or upcoming events, you can check out my website at Barbara patterson.com.

00;16;14;12 - 00;16;20;29
Unknown
You'll find some great resources, classes and videos, and a lot more. Thank you again for being here. See you next time.