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Christian homemakers need encouragement and motivation to stay the course. Homemaking and homeschooling can feel overwhelming, but they don’t have to be. If you’re a Christian mom longing for a well-ordered home, a peaceful homeschool, and a joyful heart—without the stress or burnout—you’re in the right place. Moms can be productive and peaceful when grounded in Scriptural truth.
I’m Mystie Winckler, homeschooling mom of five, founder of Simply Convivial, and your guide to managing both home and heart with faith and focus. Here, we talk about biblical homemaking, sustainable homeschooling, and cheerful productivity—all through the lens of organizing your attitude and embracing your God-given calling.
In each episode, you’ll find practical homemaking systems, homeschooling strategies, and mindset shifts that will help you manage your home without perfectionism or frustration. We’ll tackle topics like:
✔️ Christian homemaking routines that actually work
✔️ Productivity, mom-style
✔️ Homeschooling with peace—even when life gets messy
✔️ Time management for moms (without rigid schedules)
✔️ Decluttering your home & your attitude
✔️ How to be diligent, not just busy
Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t need more willpower—you need a grace-filled, biblical approach to managing life at home. Let’s cultivate faithfulness, embrace joy, and build habits that make home a place of peace and purpose.
👉 Subscribe now and start organizing your home and heart—cheerfully.
Speaker: Okay, so today's workshop is Why
You're Always Working But Never Feel Done.
It is October, believe it or
not, and this is our third annual
Organize October workshop, and I'm
so excited to do this with you.
This year's Organize October theme is
going to be organizing our attitudes,
because that is where we need to
put the most time and attention.
We do need to do the work thatâ¦
Of, you know, maintaining our home
and keeping up with things, but
that work is so much harder when we
are telling ourselves a bad story
about our life while we're doing it.
So, we need to be recognizing
how easil- how easily we slip
into telling ourselves lies.
And, um, how easily we convince ourself
of our excuses, of our self-pity, of
our own little versions of toddler
tantum- tantrums, temper tantrums,
that we, we have just all in our
own head, and it might not even come
out, or we think it doesn't come out.
But it's affecting how we work and
how we interact with our family, and
it interferes with our capacity to do
the work that does need to be done.
So, starting with October,
or starting with our attitude
in October, is essential.
That's what we're going to focus on.
We're gonna focus on identifying those
wrong-headed thoughts that get us off
track, and replacing them with truth so
that we can move forward in gratitude,
with cheerfulness, to glorify God in our
lives without being full of ourselves.
'Cause that's what it, it
basically boils down to.
Even, even those stories that are,
um, self-denigrating, is actually
still self-centered, self-absorbed,
even if we're being mean to ourselves.
So, um-
We've, we've gotta watch that.
And so we are just gonna have a whole
month with a, an episode of- on the
podcast, on the YouTube channel,
free episode, on noticing those bad
stories and how to replace them.
And, uh, if you're signed up, if you're
registered for this workshop, you're
signed up for Organize October, if you
found this fr- because a friend just sent
you the link to join live or you're live
here on YouTube, you just ran across it,
then go to simplyconvivial.com/october
because there are going to be accompanying
emails with little quick pep talks or
action steps throughout the month to
really put this into practice yourself.
And so these last few weeks, I have,
um, sent out a couple emails where
I asked ladies to share, um, what,
what's discouraging you, or what is
the sad or bad story going on in your
head, and I've gotten a lot of replies.
And so I picked this topic, why
you're always working but never
feel done, because it was a
very common thread throughout.
Even if circumstances were different,
um, probably one of the most common
themes throughout the responses
on what's discouraging you right
now is some form of, "I'm doing
the things and I can't rest.
I never feel done.
There's always more to do."
That sense that you're never going to
be done can feel discouraging, for sure.
So we're going to talk about figuring that
out and telling ourselves a true story
about our life, and one quick tactic that
can totally flip the script in our head.
And we're gonna be practicing this all
month, so this is the setup for the
essential practice that I want you all
to try because you're not gonna believe
me that it will help, and it will help.
So I'm gonna lay it all out at this
workshop, and all month long I'm
gonna be asking you to do this.
And it is an alignment card.
Uh, oh, you, I turned off the slides.
Okay.
So for today's workshop, we are going
to identify why you feel stuck, sad,
and spent so that you can fix that and
create a home full of peace and joy.
We're going to identify the stories
that are going on in your head.
We're gonna correct those stories with
reality and scripture, and we're going to
start a 30-second practice to shift your
negativity into noticing progress instead
Got the members here.
They know what it is.
All right.
It's not a secret.
So Dawn, Sarah, Megan, there are several,
Sarah Middlestead, Sarah, uh, Nelson.
We have a lot of members here today,
members of Convivial Circle, which is
my membership community that helps women
trade chaos for calm and overwhelm for
organized so that they can thrive in the
homes and families they are creating.
We want to be wives that build our
homes rather than tear them down.
And how we talk about our lives and our
homes and our families, even just to
our own selves in our own head, will
come out our fingertips and determine
if we are building or tearing down.
And so stay tuned to the end
of this workshop because I
have some special bonuses.
If you do join Convivial Circle,
um, by the end of the day tomorrow,
Friday, October 2nd, then you get
some extra bonuses thrown in to
just help cheer you on for this
month of organizing our attitudes.
All right.
Um, you are not the only one.
Um, uh, just the emails that I got when
I asked, you know, "What's going on?
What's making life hard?
What's discouraging you?"
I could tell so many women felt like they
were the only ones struggling with this.
Some people, that even was
what they said in a way.
They said like, "Everyone else has this
figured out," or, "I see other people,
you know, just really, you know, it looks
like they're thriving, but I can't."
And you're not the only one,
and you're also not stuck.
But even those women who look like
they have everything together or you
are projecting your hopes and dreams
onto them, there are still times
where all of us look around and can
only see things that need to be done.
All of us at some point feel
like there is not enough time
to do everything we have to do.
That's life.
The kids need us at the
most inconvenient times.
We're busy all day, tired at night,
and yet we look around and all we see
are the things that we didn't get to.
This is mom life.
Uh, the answer isn't getting it all done
That's not the answer.
For so many of us, you never
learned how to manage a home in the
first place, and it's much harder
than you thought it would be.
You thought, you know, okay, chores,
feeding people, this is not complicated.
This is not hard.
And it turns out that it is
hard, and you can't even figure
out why it's hard, but it is.
This is, this is true.
You really want to do a good job at
home, but at this point, you're not even
sure what that looks like, and you're
definitely not sure what it feels like.
You have come to the right spot.
This is what I help women with, and
you can already tell in the chat, like,
you are with your crowd right now.
These are ladies who get it, and it is
so helpful to have like-minded friends
and friends who can just point you in
the right direction, point things out
to you, and help you, um, organize your
attitude and change the story even if
you can't change the circumstances.
Which is not the same thing, you know,
it's not telling yourself a better lie.
You h- have a current lie, and
you're gonna change the lie so to
one that makes you feel better.
We're actually gonna tell ourselves the
truth, which is much more powerful because
it's real, and it's what God has given us.
Uh, okay.
There we go
Okay, so, um, here are some stories
from ladies inside Convivial Circle.
Amy said, "I've learned how to do
sourdough, fresh-milled flour, make
yogurt, butter, knit and crochet,
and have felt great about learning
all the new things, but I still am
struggling with my attitude at home and
keeping up with basic housekeeping."
Like, do you identify?
Homemaking and figuring out how to be
a good wife and mother and homemaker
is actually not about picking up
a whole bunch of extra hobbies.
The hobbies are great, but that's probably
not where you should be starting, and
those are only going to be a blessing
to your family if you come at them
with a good attitude and with the
basics and necessities taken care of.
We should totally get to some of
those good hobbies, but figuring
out those things isn't gonna help
the more foundational problems.
Jesse said, "I need practical
accountability because I was never
required to help or do chores growing
up, and I'm letting that become an
excuse for feeling overwhelmed."
See, that's someone who has been in
Convivial Circle for a while, uh,
because she's already identified that
f- oh, being overwhelmed is how you're
feeling, and it's often an excuse.
But that's, that right there is an
insight that is hard to, um, recognize
and, um, that's counterintuitive
Kate Katya said, "I tend to give up
on life easily and get discouraged.
I need to cultivate joy and perseverance,
and then also train myself to take
small steps toward a better run house."
That's what we all need, and that's
what Convivial Circle is all about.
Um, Lauren said, "I joined to learn how to
better handle life and for accountability
to actually make changes in my life.
Now I am constantly feeling
both encouraged and convicted.
I feel more efficient and
like I'm prioritizing better.
I also have less stress because I have
a plan for things that must be done."
All right.
These are the kinda things that I want
you to say at the end of this workshop.
So, um, like give me the benefit of
the doubt because the practice that
I'm gonna share is one that so many
women that I have talked to or had join
Convivial Circle are so skeptical about.
But it is easy and simple
And it doesn't seem like it could
really do much, but it can because
it's a visible, tangible, tactical
way to change our thoughts, to take
responsibility for what we're thinking
and saying to ourselves, and to
align what we say to what is true
and to rest in the joy of the Lord
All right.
Um
Now, the reason why we really need to
dig into this is that moms are the ones
who make the atmosphere of our homes.
We're not just feeding people and
doing laundry, but the way that we
go about doing all of our things
creates the atmosphere of our homes.
Our attitudes are contagious, so we
need to learn how to organize them
and get them in line with truth.
We need to put them in the right place so
that we can be the contagion that helps
everyone instead of brings everyone down.
How we do our work matters just as
much as the work that we do because
we are the atmosphere of our home
I love this quote from G.K.
Chesterton, "The business done in the
home is nothing less than the shaping
of the bodies and souls of humanity."
That's our job.
That matters.
It makes a difference.
How you feel about your work matters.
It makes a difference
And you can change how
you feel about your work.
You can learn to love what must be done.
It's a subtitle of my book,
Simplified Organization: Learn
to Love What Must Be Done.
It's p- it's within your
capability to change how you feel.
You are not a victim of
your default feelings.
And what we do greatly affects
our feelings, and what we think
directly affects our feelings.
But often we let it work the other way
around, and just however we happen to
feel is what's in charge of our thoughts.
And then we wonder why
we're stuck and sad.
Like, that would be why
So organizing our attitudes and
doing this one tactic that we're
gonna talk about today is a part of
Homemaking 101, which is where everyone
starts inside Convivial Circle.
The alignment card practice is what
we're going to be talking about today.
If you've already taken Homemaking
101, or maybe you've seen this or
heard me talk about it already, um,
the alignment card is a piece of truth,
verse, a quote, a motto that we write
on an index card, on a sticky note, and
we put it right in front of our face.
We don't rely on whatever's
gonna pop into our head.
We get some truth visible and external
to ourselves so that we can latch onto
it and direct our thoughts intentionally
Now, when you feel like there's so
much work to do and you never can
get to all of it, that is a story
It, it, there, there are plot
points in the story that you
are telling about your life.
And the reality is, um
You can't do it all.
Uh, there'sâ¦
The story doesn't go, you know, you're
so overwhelmed because you're behind, and
you need to catch up, and once you get X,
Y, Z done, then you're gonna feel better.
All you have to do is get to 10 of the
12 things done or 12 of the 12 things
done, and then everything is gonna change.
A- as long as you get, you know, this
stuff done, then you're gonna feel better.
That's what we tell ourselves.
But that kind of if or first this, then
that, can you see how that's a story?
These are plot points, and we're
connecting them with interpretation
and importing meaning onto it.
And a story has a, a goal for
the hero or the protagonist.
And if we've set our s- set our hearts
on the idea that getting everything
done, getting the whole house clean,
getting all the laundry done, all the
dishes caught up, getting to all the
work so that there's still enough time
to get to our hobbies, when we set
that up as the goal, then we are always
scrambling, never satisfied, because
we've, we've picked the wrong goal.
Our eyes are on the wrong thing,
and we need to change that
That is the kind of feeling that keeps
you feeling overwhelmed, and feeling
overwhelmed keeps you stuck because you
fixate on what could be done or what might
be done rather than just what's next.
And you go into mental and emotional
spiraling that's so hard to
stop and get out of, and you pay
attention to what you haven't done
rather than what you have done.
So you notice incomplete things
more than you notice progress.
And once you do that long enough
and hard enough, you don't notice
any progress at all, and it's
not because progress isn't there
it's because you have blinders
on for that part of it.
Because according to your goal,
what you have done doesn't count.
It doesn't count till it's all
done, so then none of it counts.
And a lot of times we don't even
realize we have that kind of
loop going on, that kind of goal
interpreting the rest of the story
Overwhelm leads to guilt.
Overwhelm makes you prone to distraction.
Overwhelm is contagious to everyone else
in the home and can start a family spiral.
And then you're even more stuck, and
then you get even less done so that
you get to the point where maybe
there isn't any progress because
you're stuck in overwhelm and guilt,
and it's, it's a downward spiral
But overwhelm is optional.
You can learn to see what
you have done and not only or
exclusively what you haven't done.
And you can learn to see what you
haven't done, what you haven't
gotten to, and say, "That's fine."
We'll get to it, or if we don't
get to it, it's 'cause it doesn't
matter that much, or no biggie.
Like, we'll, we'll rearrange things.
Like, you can handle it.
You can learn how to handle it
without and before it's all done
And I know you don't need a shallow
pep talk, which I feel like is what is
mostly out there right now for women.
Women who want to be great wives and
mothers, they're just told, "Yeah, no
matter what, you're doing a great job."
That's not what I'm talking
about here . And that's not
what you're gonna get from me.
I'm gonna step on your toes.
You might get some hurt feelings, but
we're trying to direct our feelings.
So some feelings need to just be killed.
So if they get a little bit hurt,
bent out of shape, then that's okay.
You can replace them
with some better feelings
Um, you don't need someone to
just tell you, "No matter what,
you're doing a great job."
Maybe not, but we could do better.
It does matter what you're doing,
and it matters how you're doing it.
And it notâ¦
Like this is true, babies don't keep.
That is totally true, and we will get
this month too into, like, how to count
your progress or your time and recognize
the good work you're doing when you're
resting with a new baby or nursing.
But the, the shallow, too short,
and then off to the next thing
advice, like nothing else matters.
It's okay.
Babies don't keep.
Let everything fall apart.
We know that there's
something wrong there.
It's not okay to just
let everything fall apart
Often though, what we say is
everything falling apart is a lie.
Everything's not falling apart.
Chill.
We need to dig a little deeper.
Uh, it's, but it's also not true that
it'll get easier when they're all older.
It changes.
It's different.
Unless you're training them to help you
when they're little, it's not necessarily
gonna be easier when they're older.
If you're, um, you know, start trying
to get them to help you for the first
time when they're 10 or 11 or 12,
that's not gonna go over very well
You will reap when they're older what
you sowed when they were younger.
So it's intense when they're little,
and it will pay off when they're
older if you've used that time well.
And if not, it's gonna take work.
It's not just gonna be
easy when they're older
And it's not just your husband's
fault, and it's not your kids' fault.
You need to take
responsibility for yourself.
Your husband or your kids might
be making it harder, but we
aren't just going to blame shift.
I'm a wife and mother, and I'm
talking to wives and mothers, so
we're gonna talk about our struggles
and our part of the equation.
We're going to be on our own paper.
We're going to figure out what's
our fault and deal with that because
something might be our fault.
Whether or not something is someone
else's fault is not the first piece
of the puzzle that needs to be fixed.
We each need to fix what we've
got going on ourselves first
What we all need is a
shot of truth and reality.
We need someone to call us out
and say, "Mm, that's not true."
That little story loop that you
have playing about your life,
like, is that real though?
Is that true?
You need to have a true
story playing in your head.
You have to know what's most important.
You have to choose to do the things that
matter most and let other things go.
You have to notice what your thoughts are
actually telling you, but a lot of times
we just l- let our default thoughts go
without examining them, considering them.
We need to learn how to redirect our
thoughts when they are lying to us.
We need to be able to call ourselves
out, and we need to fill our minds with
truth that will replace the complaints
and the self-pity and the sad stories
What's going on in your head
is going to be what comes out
in your choices and your words.
So some kind of habit plan
or houseworking system is not
actually where you should start.
It's not gonna fix anything.
If you've got a mess going on in
your head, dealing with the external
mess is not going to fix that.
But fix the internal mess,
and it will come out in your
choices and in your words.
We have to start with our heart and
mind, and then apply that change outward.
But we are not a victim or
slave to our circumstances.
It's not like if you just, would just
plop me down in a clean and organized
house, I would be a whole new person.
That's not true.
But that's what we mean.
Like, that's the basis of the story,
like, first I get the house clean
and organized, then I will be happy
You're not gonna be because the
circumstances aren't what makes
or breaks your happiness, actually
it's what you're telling yourself
Now, our incorrect stories, the
lies that we tell ourselves,
are often based in real details
we t- can exaggerate them.
So we make, you know, the fact that the
inside of the microwave is dirty and our
fridge isn't organized and there are spots
on the floor, those can be real details.
And then we extrapolate that out and
say, "I didn't get anything done today,"
or, "I still have so much left to do
I mean, there are so many real
details of things that I haven't
done that I can't even list them all.
Might as well just call that everything.
So we notice some real details
in our lives, but we use those
details to then tell a false story.
Maybe you went to bed
with dishes in the sink.
I have done that well, and
I have done that sinfully.
The fact that there are dishes in the
sink, no one else could have known
whether that was fine or not fine.
There have been different points
in my life where that was fine, and
other points where it was not fine.
But the fact that there are dishes
in the sink isn't an indication.
My child having frequent meltdowns
Maybe that's just the work
that you have cut out for you.
Maybe that is the job that
God is giving you right now
It depends on how you're handling it
not just the fact that there
are meltdowns, but what
you are doing with them
Just like grinning and bearing
and figuring they'll outgrow it
if you can just live that long,
that's not a good response.
But figuring out what's going on
and helping our child through that
and helping our children learn
self-control, that's just mom's job.
And sometimes God gives us children
that have different ways where it comes
out that they need more self-control
and more discipline and more attention,
and some, maybe some other significant
need is being brought to our attention
What does this real detail actually mean?
What's the real story going on?
The detail itself doesn't tell a story.
Could go either way.
The house has more
clutter than you'd like.
Like, so what?
What, what, what does that mean?
What role is that playing in
your interpretation of your life?
So you need to notice that
story that's going on in your
head and interrogate your story
Ask questions about it.
Ask yourself, "Is that true?
Why, why am I thinking that?
What's going on here?"
Maybe you went to bed with dishes in
the sink, but you know the context
matters more than the bare facts.
So what is the context?
Do a little brain dump.
Figure it out.
Pray.
Ask your husband.
Get some help.
Maybe your child is having
frequent meltdowns, but you
learn how to, how you handle them
matters more than the bare fact.
The house has more clutter than
you'd like, but what's actually
behind your desire for less stuff?
Is it ⦠Like, sometimes our
desire to have no clutter is a
discontentment, and we think, "Oh,
no, only wanting stuff is discontent."
But wanting less stuff
sometimes is discontent.
Wanting minimalism rather than a full
life with a bunch of people who have
stuff that you don't necessarily care
about is sometimes the sanctifying
situation that God has us in for our good.
Like, what's really going on?
And we need to figure out what
we're saying, and we need to tell
ourselves a true story about your life
So notice when you're trying to pay
attention to the story going on in your
head, notice your story's focal point
Like where is the spotlight?
What makes or breaks the story?
We can all have the circumstance
of the laundry is never done.
That's actually true because
that's the way laundry works.
Laundry being done would mean there are
no more people using- wearing clothes.
So the laundry is never gonna be done.
That's a fact.
We are making a different story
when we say, "I hate that the
laundry is never done," or, "I
wish the laundry would be done.
Why is the laundry never done?"
When, when we have some kind of gnarly
feelings about the laundry never being
done, the focus is on the laundry,
or the focus is on our desire to not
work or to not put forth effort, our
desire to just be done already, which
is actually kind of a death wish.
Um, honestly, it, it's acedia.
It's the desire to escape life
I speak as one.
Who knows?
Um, when you could just also look at
the exact same situation, same laundry
pile, same overflowing hamper, and say,
"Hey, I moved the laundry along today."
You're not expecting it to be done.
It doesn't matter that it's not done.
I didâ¦
I kept up the laundry.
We're just going.
This is no big deal.
Different response to
the exact same situation.
Completely different story.
The focus is on some wished-for
end that's not based in reality
or is on what I'm actually doing
Maybe the house is
messier than it should be.
Where is that coming from?
What's that even mean?
A same, exact same circumstances
and the story could be, "Today I
had to spend extra time parenting.
I'll catch up with the
housework on Saturday."
Again, not a big deal.
My time, like I didn't get to
that today and because there
were more important things.
It's fine.
It'll get done
It's not like it didn't get done
because it didn't matter, but
something else mattered more and
we're just gonna keep rolling.
This is life.
This is fine.
We can handle it.
Keep moving
I hate having books and papers
spilling over everywhere
I mean, what about just being glad
that you're able to homeschool?
Homeschooling means there are gonna be
books and papers and pencils everywhere.
And sometimes you'll get it
cleaned up, and sometimes you
won't, and we just keep rolling.
The
You can change your thoughts
which will change your feelings
How are you thinking about your
life and the way things should go?
Your expectations set the stage for then
how you respond when these things happen
So I, this is kind of late for
the introductory slide, but hello.
I don't know if you are new around
here, or maybe just found us on
YouTube, or a friend sent you the link.
I'm Misty Winkler.
I've been married for 25 years.
My husband and I have five
kids that we've homeschooled.
My husband and I also
were both homeschooled.
We have three graduates, uh, two
high schoolers now left at home, and
I've always had a lot on my plate.
And, uh, these are issues that I have
struggled with my whole 25 years of
being a homemaker, probably because
I actually struggled with them before
that but just didn't realize it.
But I remember one morning with, you
know, a bunch of little kids, a homeschool
day, and I realized that my thinking
face, you know, I'm, like, making
strategies, trying to figure things out.
My thinking face looked grumpy,
which is why my children assumed
I was grumpy and were treating me
like- like, "Don't make Mom mad."
Like, "Oh, be careful."
Which is not how I wanted to be.
And so I put smile on my top three
to-do list, uh, for at least a year.
It might have been more than a year.
I don't even remember anymore, 'cause
that was more than 10 years ago.
But it made a big difference, having that
visible reminder in front of my face.
I needed to intentionally set
the tone, and it didn't matter.
I didn't even have to ask, like, do
I feel grumpy or not, and it just
matters how I actually think I feel?
Like, how, what kind of atmosphere
am I creating in our home?
And how can I intentionally direct that?
Maybe I'm not grumpy, but am I cheerful?
Like, maybe the standards are
actually a little bit higher
than just being not grumpy.
Am I actually fully
attentive and cheerful?
And so I put smile on my
list, and that helped so much.
And this story thing
really came to a head.
I kind of, like, had this idea, and I
was doing alignment cards, but, um, Iâ¦
It was one of those days where it was
just, like, thing after thing, and
you're super busy, but you don't really
feel like you're getting anywhere.
And I wasâ¦
It was past 5:00 'cause my husband was
up and changing or something in our
room, and I was still folding laundry,
which is something I was going to do
at lunchtime, but I was doing it then.
And I was just like, "I did
not get anything done today."
And he, he worked from home.
Like, he knew what was going
on, and he just looked at me and
said, "Stop lying to yourself."
And that took me aback.
And I was likeâ¦
I said, "I'm not lying."
And then the more I thought about it, I'm
like, "It, it is kind of a lie, isn't it?"
And I hadn't really considered
that it might be lying,
because I- it was how I felt.
I was sharing how I felt but i was making
a statement of fact that was not true.
And was not helpful
Okay.
I have a story here that says Jen's story,
and I made up these slides last week,
and I don't know who I was thinking of.
Jen also has a story that's similar,
and it's very helpful, but I didn't give
myself good enough notes to know what I
⦠I don't know now what I was thinking then.
So we're gonna jump right
into the three-step process.
We are, during Organize October, I
do have several of our episodes that
are interview episodes with some
of our ladies in Convivial Circle.
Um, I've already recorded with Sarah
Mittelstaedt, who's here today.
I saw her pop up, and
we have several others.
Um, the episode tomorrow is with Kara.
Um, so you will hear other
people's stories and not just mine.
And it's so helpful to
hear one another's stories.
It helps us see our own
so much more clearly.
So this is a three-step process,
and I, the, I have the acronym
RAW, which I've not used before.
I just made this up when I
was making up the slides.
And like may- that's not the most
attractive, um, acronym, but honestly, it
works because you are gonna feel a little
raw the first few times you go through it.
Um, as a kid, I watched My Fair Lady
over and over.
I, like dozens and dozens of times.
Um, I recorded the audio
onto a cassette tape and just
listened to it when I cleaned.
So I have, I s- I listened to it
so much that even though I haven't
seen it in a decade, I still
have the whole movie memorized.
And so I just remember the line,
"Her, um, I know your nerves are as
raw as meat in a butcher's window."
That's like, that's how we feel
sometimes as moms, isn't it?
Um, so you're gonna feel a little
bit that way as you work through it.
But, um-
It's, it's still good.
It- this is how we get through it.
Um, and I- that hints at the fact
that you're not gonna want to do this.
That's what I see again and again
in Convivial Circle, 'cause this
is one of the, like, first things
we have our new members do.
But, um, it requires self-awareness
and honesty that we are not
comfortable with or accustomed to.
It is humbling.
It basically is repentance.
It is turning away from your
thoughts towards God's thoughts.
That's repentance, and that's hard.
It strips away our self-preservation,
status quo-seeking responses.
We actually want what's familiar,
and so if we've repeated bad
stories to ourself, in a way it's
providing a false comfort to us.
It's familiar
And there is a comfort in turning to
the familiar, but it's not working.
So we need to repent of it
and turn, turn away from it.
The world, the flesh, and the
devil conspire against us in the
battle for our hearts and minds.
That's what's going on
And you can still try it.
Please do try it.
Even if you feel embarrassed to put
up a handwritten note in a visible
place, you forget at fir- you
put it up and you forget at first
to see it, that doesn't matter.
You just keep trying.
That's not an excuse.
Even if you don't like your
handwriting, even if you aren't
sure it will work for you
We have heard all kinds of excuses
over the years, but there's not a
single person who still stuck with it,
even with these excuses, who didn't
say, "Oh, yeah, this actually works."
And because it's, it's putting up
God's Word in front of your face and
reviewing it time and time again,
and God's Word doesn't return void.
And so it's, this isn't actually
superstitious or magic or, um, self-help.
This is turningâ¦
This is a way to turn to
God's Word, and whenever we do
that, we're gonna be changed.
So this is the RAW process.
Recognize, adjust, and write.
Recognize, adjust, and write.
You have to recognize the
story that you're telling with
all the details of your life.
You have to adjust the story to align
it with God's Word, and then you write a
reminder verse, quote, or motto and post
it in a visible place so you can continue
to do that again and again on repeat.
You could add, a- another
R and it'd be RAWR,
RAWER or RAWRR?
I don't know.
But we are gonna repeat it, but RAW works.
All right.
Recognize the story you're telling
with the details of your life.
A story has a protagonist and a goal and
a setting with an obstacle, an obstacle
between the protagonist and the goal.
So there's the setting and the
circumstances, there's the protagonist,
there's the goal, and there's something
in the way between the protagonist and
the goal, and that's how you get a story
So, and those are the elements of a story.
So what is the story we are telling
with the details of our life?
What's the goal in this story
that you're telling yourself?
A clean house?
Like, a house that stays clean?
All the laundry being done?
Everyone pitching in to help equally?
No one ever interrupting you?
Everyone always getting along?
Those are not the goals that God
has for us, which might be why we
feel thwarted in achieving them
And what's the obstacle in your story
to this goal that possibly might not
be a good goal in the first place?
Is, do you feel like your
husband is the obstacle?
Your children are the obstacle?
The weather is the obstacle?
Entropy?
Your own bad habits?
What are we identifying as the obstacle
Uh, here's one.
Um, Heather from Convivial Circle
said, "I used to stay in bed in
the morning thinking that I didn't
wanna get up because it was too
much, and I couldn't do it all, and
it was all going to be derailed.
So many negative thoughts."
Yes
Then she says, "I realized I could
list the things that need to get
done and faithfully work on those
things and then say I had a good day.
I was allowed to say today was good
even if I didn't get everything done
and the house doesn't look awesome."
If I had to pick a favorite part of
Convivial Circle, I think it would be the
realization that I was blame-shifting.
I was always saying, "I have too
much to do," and trying to drain the
pool rather than learn how to swim.
And that's a metaphor
in one of the modules.
Um, she says, "I realized homemaking and
motherhood is a part of my sanctification,
and to welcome all that work is a
blessing for my good and the good of the
family and future generations, rather
than trying to eliminate all the work."
I fell into that, thinking
that was the goal for so many
years, and did not go well.
It was not, because it was not
the right goal . It was a bad goal
Does thisâ¦
Yeah.
Oh, yep, Heather's story continues.
"The idea that the work, it
will never actually be done
is starting to feel freeing.
Rather than being frustrated, I see
now that I don't have to finish it
all, and I'm more content with the good
work that I did do that day or week.
Some days are tough, but it's
helped to not even judge day by
day, but rather, week by week.
Progress is being made without massive
projects or neglect of other duties.
I've recently removed other distracting
podcasts and have mainly been focusing
on your podcasts and trainings, which
has made a huge improvement in my
attitude and daily cheerfulness."
Like, what we fill our minds with
makes a big difference, and that's the
basis of the alignment card and why
I'm putting out a bunch of episodes
because it does matter what we think.
It matters what we put in, and what
we put in is what will come out.
And, um, it, it influences not only
ourselves, but our whole families
and the atmosphere of our home.
So the default stories you might
hear in your own head is that, "I
get noth- I got nothing done today.
I'm so tired because I
have too much work to do."
And you don't just have to accept that
default story that flits into your head.
You can say, "Of course I'm tired.
I did a lot today.
Now it's time for bed."
Like being tired,
feeling tired at the end of the day
doesn't mean that there's a problem.
That's not a problem to
solve except by going to bed.
You're tired 'cause you did stuff.
That's good.
You, you're supposed to sleep.
Like, you're supposed to be tired.
It's okay.
Uh, I didn't do all that I'd
planned, but I did take care
of the business in front of me.
That's a whole different story.
Same circumstances, whole different
conversation happening in your own head
So we're recognizing that we are
telling ourselves a story and
learning how to pick that apart
and analyze it and figure it out.
And once we have recognized that
story, we need to adjust the story
so that it aligns with God's Word.
So this writing truth on an index
card, which is the W step, we're
gonna get there, is an alignment card.
That's what I call it.
Um
Because it's objective truth outside
of us, and we need to hold it up
to our thinking, to our choices, to
the story, and get them to match.
And the truth doesn't change.
We can change.
We can align ourselves to truth and
change our thinking, change our thoughts.
We need to step out of the protagonist
perspective in order to see clearly.
Like in that story where you
have protagonist, obstacle,
goal, the protagonist knows
the goal and sees an obstacle
In order to enjoy a story, you
actually have to have the perspective
of the author or the reader.
You have to be able to step outside
and see everything else that's going
on that the protagonist can't see
That's how you enjoy a story
So think about looking back at
this moment in 10 or 20 years.
Think about what does God
see in your story right now?
He's the author.
Do you believe, do you trust
that he's telling a good story
with your life right now?
Or is what you're telling yourself in
your head actually unbelief, mistrust,
distrust, self-sufficiency, and not
recognizing God's got this, we're fine
And here's another thought
exercise that's very fruitful.
W- what about the story where your
husband or your child, your parent,
your friend is the protagonist,
and you're just a bit player?
You are in this scene in their life,
but they're the protagonist with a
goal, and maybe you're the obstacle.
Like, what kind of a character
are you in someone else's story?
Are you the kind of character in other
people's story that you want to be?
Try out some thought exercises
where you're not the main character
Uh, Chelsea said, this is when
she, before she joined Convivial
Circle, or why she joined, she said,
"I wanted to keep a clean house.
I thought I needed or wanted
my house to be always clean."
Now she's laughing.
In fact, she says, "I have
three boys and we homeschool.
I've discovered that we can keep it
clean and tidy in small spurts throughout
the day, weekend, month, et cetera."
I think you can hear in that first
and then later bit that what she's
counting as clean has changed.
She says, "Everything doesn't have
to be clean all at the same time.
That would be nice, but it's possible
to upkeep my home one task at a time
She says, "I love how positive
and realistic you are.
You changed the story I tell myself and
made me realize that it is in fact doable.
Not perfectly doable, but doable."
We always are dismantling
perfectionism inside Convivial Circle.
Lisa here is, uh, our operations manager.
Stephanie, I don't think is here,
but she's our community manager.
The three of us, and Abby, uh,
um, Wall also is in there all the
time, and we are, I, like poking.
It's like, "Is
That's perfectionism.
Like, there it is.
That's your bad story right there.
That's the motivation
behind your bad story."
So not perfectly doable, but doable.
"I feel like I've discovered
my need along the way.
I needed motivation and accountability.
I needed to hear other women trying to
be God-fearing homemakers and mothers.
I needed a community of women who
encouraged me to be the best I can be."
So it matters what you put in your ears.
It matters the thoughts that
you think, and it also matters
who you're hanging out with.
What are the people around you saying?
What kind of stories are they telling?
How are they interpreting life?
That will affect how you
think about yours as well
A default story that pops into
our own heads is, "I'm so tired
because I have so much to do."
And, you know, the Proverbs
31 woman, it says she does
not eat the bread of idleness.
Like, so you could say, "I have so much
to do, like, I'm just a Proverbs 31 woman.
Iâ¦
There is no option for me to
eat the bread of idleness.
Go me.
Thank you, Lord."
Same circumstance, different story.
I got nothing done today, right?
Sufficient is the day for
it, is its own trouble.
Like, well, we did today's things.
There'll still be more
tomorrow, and that'sâ¦
We're gonna be able to do that tomorrow.
I don't have time to do the
things that I want to do
Well, do all things whether you want
to do them or not for the glory of God.
And Valerie said, "It's been so helpful
to have true statements on index cards
in a few strategic areas in my home."
It, it works.
Here's one index card, and
this is a good one to start
with if you need a go-to thing.
Take every thought captive to obey Christ.
That is what this practice helps us
do in a real concrete, simple way.
So this is the W of RAW.
Write a reminder verse, quote, or
motto and post it in a visible place
because we all need bite-sized pieces
of truth kept highly visible that
we review multiple times a day.
That's how this works
Um, this one is a repeat.
I was gonna cop- I didn't
quite update all of these.
So the default story is
this is just the way it is.
Like, whatever's popping into your
head, you just treat that as truth.
Because we've all been
told you have your truth
Um, you know, follow your
feelings, go with your feelings,
your truth, my truth, whatever.
Like, you can't help it.
It just is.
Whatever is in your
head is what is for you.
Like, what a sad, sad, terrible lie.
The, the reality is that
truth exists outside of you.
God has made it known, and
we can change our thoughts.
Youâ¦
We can take our thoughts captive.
We're told to do that.
We're commanded to do that because we can
Maybe you just think, "I'll be happy
when I get to the end of my list."
Well, you could be happy now.
Rejoice always.
Again, I say rejoice.
I can choose gratitude now.
I don't have to wait
until my list is all done.
I can have that now.
And then keep working on that list
whether or not I ever get to the end.
My mind just keeps spinning and
spinning, but with the alignment card,
you can focus and center your thinking
on God's word quickly and easily
um, Kayla said about the alignment card,
"I've found it so helpful because there
are so many practical helps," I guess
that's for Convivial Circle, "but also
because there are so many nuggets of
truth that unmask the sneaky lies that
creep into our thinking, no matter how
hard we are trying to align with truth."
That's why we've gotta keep being
in the Word, keep reviewing it, have
good conversations with one another
It matters
We have to be continually
aligning our thoughts with truth
because there are sneaky lies.
And your attitude is the thing that
has to be organized first and foremost.
Not your closets, not your
pantry, not your fridge, not
your papers, your attitude.
Everything else flows from your attitude
Sophia said, "My eyes were opened to
the atmosphere I was creating at home
by grumbling or despairing over how
disorganized the spaces and routines were.
I resolved to organize my attitude and
see each task and chore as an act of love
and service, and do it with a smile."
That's the kind of change
that we want to see
Yeah.
Reagan says, "I finally realized
that I want to do more things than I
would ever possibly have time to do."
It's like, yeah.
That's right.
That, that's most of us.
And I know it is hard to see your
attitude when you're in it, which is
why surrounding yourself with women
who are calling themselves out on
these things, um, who are going to
help call you out when, you know,
like when you say something, it's
like, "Eh, sounds like a problem"
That's what we all need.
We all need new patterns of thought.
We need to conform our
thoughts to Scripture
And then when we do that, our actions also
will be conformed to God's will for us
because we are do- we are, um, in His Word
And that's what we do
inside Convivial Circle.
Uh, we, there are courses, there's
community, there are seminars, kind of
like this one every week, not this long.
More pep talk, short, meaty pep talks
every week on a particular monthly topic.
And I really wanna help you learn how to
reject overwhelm, reject perfectionism,
notice it first so that you can
reject it, and then give you really
concrete ways to, uh, grow out of it.
Um, it's all about helping you get
the right things done cheerfully so
you can thrive in your home and help
the family that you are, um, the
family home that you are creating,
the family that you are nurturing.
And so, um
So for Organize October, there are going
to be a ton of just new videos, new
episodes, an email every day if you're
registered, which you can register for
free at simplyconvivial.com/october.
But we're going to be really
applying this, um, and helping
one another, uh, see these lies
and answer them and replace them.
And we're gonna go really, um
deep and personal on the application
and inside Convivial Circle in October.
Organize October is also our theme
inside Convivial Circle, and we'll
have extra support on organizing
our attitudes for all of October.
So if you really wanna make October
the time where you change your attitude
about the work that you have to
do, then join by the end of Friday.
Everyone who joins between now and the
end of the day tomorrow, Friday, October
2nd, I'm gonna send you a sticker pack
and a printed alignment card in the mail.
So just a little get started, quick
little present, um, if this is your
first time or if you're rejoining.
But if you, um, start your subscription in
Convivial Circle for October, right here
at the beginning, I'll send you a little
extra gift in the mail, and, um, and
I'll look forward to getting to know you.
Your attitude is always where
we start in Convivial Circle.
We have a chat, all kinds of chat
spaces and, um, courses and, um,
focus areas, brain dump prompts.
We have more than a dozen courses
and master classes covering ar-
every area of home and mom life.
And when you join, I'll send you a
DM asking, you know, what's kind of
going on right now, and I'll help you
see where you should get started, uh,
which course you should start with.
We have a couple different paths that
help you get extra accountability and
insight and support along the way.
We have all kinds of courses.
Uh, the community is just about
to get started this Friday onâ¦
Which I guess is tomorrow, isn't it?
Um, no, it's next Friday.
Next Friday, we're starting Learn to
Love What Must Be Done, the course,
which goes over homemaking basics.
But Tell a True Story is
one of the modules in there
I guess you can see that up in the
corner, learn to love what must be
done, uh, is what we're gonna be
working on starting next week, and
then we're gonna get into, um, holiday
planning and talking about festivity
and conviviality, um, for November.
So getting your attitude in line right
now in October and figuring out how to
adjust and align your attitude right
now i- this is just a real key moment.
Like October is prime time
because it feels possible, like we've
got our school routines in place now,
and it's the space between starting
school and having the holidays.
This is such a great time for getting
your own heart and mind in a good spot so
then you can go into the holidays ready to
be that cheerful atmosphere in your home
and put on the holidays and provide
that convivial atmosphere that
you want to have in your home.
It actually starts not with your
plans and not with your decorations.
It starts with you and
what's going on in your head.
And so inside Convivial Circle, we will
help you build a home life that you love.
You'll get personal attention,
accountability, and guidance so
that you can fast-track your growth.
You can jump in.
W- Probably we're gonna tell you
to start with Homemaking 101.
We're gonna pr- be practicing the
alignment card all month, and this
is my favorite: we guarantee that
your husband will notice a difference
in 30 days or your money back.
We have a 30-day money back guarantee.
Even if you joined for a year, and then
at the end of 30 days, you're like, "No,
I don't think s- this isn't working.
This isn't for me.
I don't like it," or, like,
"I just can't figure it out,"
we'll refund the whole thing.
30-day money back guarantee, and
your husband's going to notice.
That's a part of the guarantee.
It's not just, "Oh, it didn't
work for me," or, "I don't like
it," or something happened.
Your husband's gonna notice
a difference if you do this
We have live weekly seminars that
are relevant for every stage of life
and instant access to the replays.
Um, yes, Sarah says they're coworkers.
We're one another's coworkers
We have daily chat with like-minded women.
Now, I mean, there's daily chat happening,
and it's an option to help you get that
support and encouragement that you need.
Of course, um, you don't have
to be participating daily in
the chat to get the support.
We've got all kinds of different
ways to help you fit it in.
But if you have a question or if
you have something you're struggling
with, it's an active community.
There are over 700 women in there.
We have over a dozen mentor members
who've been in Convivial Circle
for a long time and done all the
coursework and are very helpful.
Older women who have, um, a
great, helpful perspective.
It's not just me.
We have monthly Zoom live coaching calls
where we chat about whatever course we
were just working on, um, on video, and
it really is such a wonderful community.
So I hope you're gonna be a part of
Convivial Circle for Organize October and,
uh, get your attitude, um, under control,
organized, ready to go before, before
Thanksgiving, before family comes to
visit, extended family brings more drama,
before Christmas and all the extra to-dos.
You can go into all of that able to
handle an undone to-do list, able to
handle a day that did not go your way.
All these things that are just a
part of normal life, we all have
to figure out and problem solve.
We need to learn how to handle
them gracefully and cheerfully and
even gratefully, and that's what we
help you do inside Convivial Circle
And if you join between now and end of day
tomorrow, October 2nd, I'll send you some
stickers and a bookmark and an alignment
card you can just put up right away.
Um
I hope you'll be making your own as
well, but sometimes you just need that
shortcut, like, this is what I'm thinking.
This is what I'm doing right now.
And, um, stickers are always fun.
And I'll toss in a magnet there too.
You need a magnet.
Um, repent, rejoice, repeat magnet.
How about that?
Uh, so that, that's also
a kind of alignment card.
Victoria.
Put a sticker on the back of
her phone as her alignment card.
So that's, you know, we are fine with
getting unconventional, but what we
want is truth in front of our faces.
And this is the message I'm going to be
coming at from every angle I can think
of all month long, and I hope that you
will try an alignment card, and that it
will help you keep God's Word in front of
your face so that it shapes your thoughts
and then your choices and your life.
So thank you so much for joining.
You can, um, join Convivial Circle
by going to convivialcircle.com.
If you haven't registered for
Organize October, you can go
to simplyconvivial.com/october
and make sure you're signed up
for all those good freebies.
And I will see you every
weekday this month on my YouTube
channel, on the podcast, and
by email if you're registered.
So, uh, every Monday we're
gonna do a YouTube Live.
It'll be shorter than this one.
And we're, uh, I would love to
hear during those your questions or
your circumstances, and we can, um-
You know, get that support to help
ourselves expand our capacity and be
fully engaged with our life at home.
So thanks everyone.
It's been good to see you.
Thank you so much, uh, for
participating in the chat.
Um, I didn't get a chance to keep
up, but every time I looked over, I
saw some great comments over there.
So thank you and I will
see you all month long