Putting Hope to Bed

In this episode, I explore how hope turned into self betrayal when it replaced self trust. I unpack the ways validation seeking, attachment, and optimism kept me in situations my body had already rejected. This is a reflection on choosing myself, listening to my nervous system, and ending the habit of waiting to be chosen.

What is My Inner Musings?

My Inner Musings is a space for the thoughts we often keep to ourselves.
I talk out loud about life, relationships, change, and the patterns we notice as we grow.
These are real reflections from a lived life, shared with honesty, humour, and curiosity.
Nothing is polished. Nothing is solved.
Just honest musings, spoken in real time.

Host: 00:00

I believed in hope. I also used it to abandon myself. I outsourced trust to hope. I hoped people would hear me. I hoped effort would come back.

Host: 00:13

I hoped I would be chosen. What I wanted was validation. What I needed was self trust. I wanted to be seen, heard, felt, understood. Larner Child wanted proof.

Host: 00:29

I told myself I trusted myself. Then life showed me. I still carried hope. Hope I used to tolerate discomfort. Hope I used to ignore my body.

Host: 00:40

My nervous system spoke clearly. My boundaries were crossed, and I stayed anyway. I told myself things will always work out. I told myself what is meant from you will find me. Sometimes that belief kept me from acting.

Host: 00:55

I held on to good memories. I held on to potential. I held on to outcomes I wanted even when I knew better. Hope became a disguise, a delay. Finally, a betrayal.

Host: 01:08

I don't want to betray myself anymore, so I turn inward. I trust what I feel. I trust what I see. I trust my no. Hope does not need to lead anymore.

Host: 01:19

So here's to putting hope to bed.