The Consequences Of Raising Your Kid as the Wrong Gender

It’s easy to point at right-wing parents who literally launch political campaigns based on denying their trans child the right to exist. Those people are bad in a way even other Republicans wouldn’t deny.

Well, most of them.

But despite the loudest voices from the right, most parents are decent people who support their children regardless of their gender or lack of gender. That’s in part why recent research into trans children ages 3–12 provided such clarifying insights on how to support our kids.

What is TRANSlating Everything?

Audio readings of TRANSlating Everything content and wacky discussions!

The Consequences Of Raising Your Kid as the Wrong Gender

Recent research into children ages 3–12 years old reveals the surprising outcome

Newly-discovered milestones in your child’s development
There’s something happening beneath the surface of your kid that will now and forever be beyond your control as a parent.

By age 3, most cisgender children label their gender according to their assigned sex.

By age 5, most children expect their gender to stay the same.

By adulthood and beyond, recent Pew research concluded that for most kids, their gender will stay the same.

But what happens when a kid discovers their gender doesn’t match their sex assigned at birth? And how are you supposed to feel if you’re that child’s parent?

Just how much damage might even a loving parent do by raising their kid as the wrong gender?

You supported your kid, and yet —
You got it wrong.

Well, sort of.

You aren’t like my dad. You didn’t abuse and torture your daughter until she agreed to dress herself like a boy.

You believed your kid. You raised them as the gender they thought they were. You raised them as the gender they said they were.

But now they understand enough about themselves to see beyond what they were assigned at birth.

You supported your kid. You still do.

The past sends constant reminders of what we could have done differently.

If we’d known better, we would have done better. Instead, we have to start with where we’re at. It’s what we do now that determines what happens next.

Accept the past — embrace the future — lean into the poetry
It’s easy to point at right-wing parents who literally launch political campaigns based on denying their trans child the right to exist. Those people are bad in a way even other Republicans wouldn’t deny.

Well, most of them.

But despite the loudest voices from the right, most parents are decent people who support their children regardless of their gender or lack of gender. That’s in part why recent research into trans children ages 3–12 provided such clarifying insights on how to support our kids.

Finally some good news
First, the bad news. Your kid will still hate you. But that’s a normal part of your kid growing up. What’s most important is that you acknowledge and support your child’s authentic self, because there’s something happening beneath the surface that will now and forever be beyond your control as a parent.

Your kid is self-socializing.

That’s right. While you raise your kids, they’re also raising themselves. We’re literally hardwired to do it through the individuation process. Sometimes, we fight back against what our parents want from us just so we can feel confident in one simple fact: we are not them.

Children are not an extension of their parents
That includes their gender.

And when it comes to raising your kid as the wrong gender, self-socialization empowers your child to learn the traits of their authentic gender rather than the one assigned to them at birth.

Try as a conservative might to discipline and punish the trans right out of their kids (and sometimes themselves), recent research shows that conservatives are wasting their time.

The best you could do is abuse and torture a person until they repress their gender in the absence of safety. And though for many conservatives, cruelty is indeed the point, the truth will out.

As soon as you’re gone, the closet will open
Take, for example, a woman assigned male at birth. Rewarding masculine things and punishing feminine ones doesn’t determine whether that child later identifies as a woman.

Wren Sanders (she/they), an award-winning journalist and the editor of Them’s Community Section, wrote: “What’s actually dangerous is rejecting or subverting a child’s own sense of their gender identity. Families who reject their trans kids’ identities have been shown to dramatically raise their likelihood of contemplating, planning, and attempting suicide. Conversely, familial acceptance and support has been shown to dramatically decrease trans folks’ likelihood of a host of psychological issues, including suicidality.”

Trans kids are powerful kids
The research is clear that a child’s gender development is not within the control of their parents. Whether a kid is raised in a gender-normative or gender-non-conforming home, that child’s gender was never within the control of their parents.

Conservatives can’t erase trans children from existence
They’ve tried and tried and tried.

I am still here. You are still here. We are still here.

And we are only getting stronger.

Until next time…

If you’d like to further translate transphobic politics, check out these articles:

| Believing Trans Kids Isn’t The Same As Grooming Them | Conservatives Are Cruel Because Cruelty Is Their Point | Shouldn’t liberals be willing to compromise on trans issues if it protects cisgender people? | Science Proves (Again) That Watching Fox News Makes You Dumber Than Not Watching Any News At All | Is Being Anti-Woke The Easiest Grift In The History of Money? | What Black Panther Taught Me About Protesting With Pride | Medium Faces The Same Fake Problem As Twitter | Can The Most Common Test For Narcissism Help Fight Bigotry? |

If you like my work and want to support it, buy me a cup of coffee! For more of my content, subscribe to my Substack newsletter: Translating Everything