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מידת הזהירות,
הזהירות.
והנה עניין הזהירות הוא שיהיה אדם נזהר במעשיו ובענייניו.
And we discussed yesterday at length that a person when he's doing a חשבון
נפש,
he's trying to clarify,
identify himself where he is,
where he's holding in order to take the next step in growth,
there's two things that we need to look at.
One is on the ground:
what am I doing?
Let me go through my daily schedule,
see in action,
what's happening?
What am I doing?
Am I happy with what I'm doing?
What's the next step,
where I want to get to?
A person always has an identity of where he's holding right now,
and a person should always have the vision of what his next step is.
If a person doesn't have a vision of what his next step is,
then the now won't stay static,
it will go down.
Only when you have the vision of what the next stage is,
then you're in the process of growing.
That was stage one.
Then we also said,
and this was the bigger one,
and in a in a way for us this is not a default at
all.
Many people who do a חשבון נפש,
they do think about,
am I behaving properly?
They do think of that.
It's very clear,
it's very tangible,
it's very easy.
Am I doing things right?
Let me check with the הלכה,
yes,
no.
Let me check with the רבי,
yes,
no.
Let me check with my surroundings,
whether that's the right thing to check with or not,
but yes,
no,
and they can see am I doing things correct or not correct.
Every child who's growing up,
they always check their surroundings to see am I doing the right thing.
They do something,
they look at their parents' face:
did my parents smile,
or did they shout at me?
And then they learn,
okay,
that's the right thing or the wrong thing to do.
We're doing a חשבון נפש all the time.
We're in a group of friends,
we make a joke,
we see do we get a response which is a positive one?
Then we know,
okay,
that's a good joke,
like I can tell that type of a joke again.
But I get like these funny looks,
and okay,
be careful,
something's off with my humor,
I have to Maybe you like that,
like some people like to be unique and special,
and that could be they look for those things,
but you're always using other people's response in order to do a חשבון נפש.
We're always doing a חשבון נפש all the time,
to do a חשבון נפש in action,
in actions,
to see am I on the right track?
So that's stage one,
that we pretty much have.
But the second one,
most people don't have,
which is what he calls דרכיו.
דרכיו are my perspective in life,
my mindset,
my attitude.
I remember once years ago,
I got a lift with someone who was who was תימני,
a Yemenite Jew,
and he started describing to me like all the things that his family had
gone through in making עלייה.
I don't want to go into it.
It's very hard to hear and hard to speak about,
but they were greatly mistreated,
greatly mistreated in four separate ways:
in emotional ways,
in financial ways,
in family in many ways they were mistreated.
And obviously,
like he's carrying,
he's a second generation only,
but he's carrying that pain of what the way that his family was mistreated
when they initially came to Israel.
So one thing that he told me is that they lost trust so greatly
in any authority figure that his father,
when he was buying a house,
hired four separate lawyers to oversee the contract,
because every lawyer he did it he said,
maybe he's working for them as well,
maybe he's in cahoots with them,
and only after four lawyers,
separate lawyers who didn't know anything to do with each other had seen it,
then he like went through with buying the house that he wouldn't feel he's
being cheated.
Meaning this person is going through his life with a mindset somewhat based in
reality,
at least initially,
based where his mindset is,
you can't trust anyone.
You can't trust anyone.
Everyone's out to swindle you,
everyone's out to trick you.
That's that's the world we live in,
that's the world.
That's the world.
And then everyone who he tries to connect to on any level is always,
are they out to get me?
What are they trying to get from me?
That's not a מעשיו,
that's a דרכיו.
It's a life perspective.
It's how you view the world.
How are you perceiving the whole the story that you live in?
How are you perceiving other people,
and you,
and the connection between you?
What's your perspective?
Yesterday,
we gave an example with השם,
that there are some people who they see השם is out to get them,
and that השם is there to punish them,
and השם hates them,
and if they don't live up to His expectations then they're going to be
in trouble.
So here's another example with people.
Everyone's out to get me.
Those are they're not actions which are bad,
it could be their actions are all okay,
but their perspectives which are damaging.
They're not true,
they're not in line with reality,
it's not what other people are doing.
It could be there are occasions where it's true,
but it's not true on a broad perspective.
Give one more example,
just the same idea.
Let's say you have a child who לא עלינו,
his father hit him.
He was hit,
he was abused as a child.
Now,
he needed to,
he had to create a defense mechanism when he was in that stage in
life.
So there's different types of defense mechanisms,
but he created a defense mechanism,
and let's say the one that he did was is that he shut himself
down emotionally,
and he wouldn't share anything because he knew that if he would share something
in a way that wouldn't find favor in his father's eyes,
he was going to get hit.
So he shut down emotionally,
he wouldn't share anything emotionally.
It was too scary for Now,
maybe,
maybe at that stage in his life,
it was the right thing to do.
It could be.
It could be,
like he needed to defend himself in that situation,
so it could be it was the right thing to do.
But now,
he's moved on,
he's left home,
it could be even he's repaired the relationship with the father,
it could be even.
But he's still bringing that model,
his defense mechanism of being shut emotionally into his marriage,
into his parenting,
into his other relationships with people that he has.
So,
it's a bad דרך.
Now,
we're not judging him about why it started.
Why it started,
maybe very justified,
and it made sense,
and he needed it at that time.
But the fact that he's holding on to that דרך in another situation where
it's not effective anymore,
and it's harming now,
that's something which a person needs to do a חשבון נפש on.
Am I holding on to a healthy defense mechanism,
or am I holding into an expired defense mechanism which right now is harming
me?
If a person doesn't do a חשבון נפש,
he'll carry on that way his whole life,
and he'll suffer,
and other people around him will suffer,
too.
And part of זהירות,
the opening of זהירות is that a person contemplates both his actions—what am I
doing,
is it correct?—but he also contemplates,
'Well,
what's my perspective?
Why am I doing what I'm doing?'
It's not so important like where it came from,
like I just gave an example now like it's because of his father,
it's not so important.
What's more important is looking forward.
Like,
is there another perspective that you could obtain which would be more healthy?
And here,
learning אמונה or seeing people with אמונה and looking about how they view the
world can be very productive.
People whose perspective is not an אמונה-filled perspective,
and they're living in a godless world,
their דרך is wrong.
How do you know it's wrong?
Because the תורה says?
Also.
But also because they can sense that it's wrong.
They can see in their interactions that things are more harsh in the world
than they need to be,
and they see someone who's filled with אמונה,
and they see how they're able to take challenges smoothly.
I'm not saying that a person should have אמונה just because you have a
more pleasant lifestyle,
it's a byproduct,
but it's often innate that you can sense that your perspective is wrong by
the friction that you have with people,
by the friction you have in doing מצוות.
You can sense it.
And if you're doing a חשבון נפש,
you'll identify.
I don't know what the right perspective is right now,
but I know this perspective is wrong,
because I know it's causing me not to want to learn,
it's causing me not to want to דאווען,
it's causing me to have constantly ongoing friction with people that I talk to.
So I don't know what the right perspective is,
but I can tell this one's wrong.
That's already stage one.
And a person who is doing a חשבון נפש—what did we say חשבון נפש
is?
That you just like take feedback from all the interactions that you have.
You take feedback from people,
you take feedback from your your attempts to serve השם and seeing how it
goes,
and being very honest and authentic.
Now there's another דיוק there we said we were going to make today,
which we haven't made yet.
After the word כלומר,
מסילת ישרים says:
מתבונן ומפקח על מעשיו ודרכיו.
So we just described what מעשיו ודרכיו were,
but what's the difference between מתבונן and מפקח?
So מתבונן means to contemplate,
מתבונן is a reflexive contemplation,
and מפקח,
like someone who does פיקוח,
is someone who's looking out,
what's going on.
So מתבונן is where a person is thinking to himself,
'How should it be?
How is it supposed to be?
Let me think about how it's supposed to be.
What could be happening here?'
So as part of being מתבונן,
they'll look in ספרים,
and they'll see what does the הלכה say to do.
They'll look in ספרים,
and they'll say what does the השקפה say,
like a תורה השקפה.
They'll read books about גדולים or other great people,
and they'll say like,
'How did they live their lives?'
That's all external to them.
It's being מתבונן,
trying to understand,
like,
'I'm new to this.'
Tell you a story once.
I was it is a long story why this happened,
but I was teaching a גר.
Can I tell this story in אלול?
I was teaching a גר,
and so he knew nothing,
nothing,
nothing,
nothing.
And we had different like areas of הלכה that we were learning.
And you know,
it was so interesting to like teach הלכה to someone who has no background,
because usually when you teach הלכה to someone,
when you're learning הלכה,
you basically know everything,
you don't know the nuances.
סדר,
you don't know יעלה ויבא,
if you forgot it,
do you repeat it?
But like,
here's someone who has just no background at all,
he didn't know a thing,
it was from scratch.
So we were doing we were doing ברכות.
We were just going through,
what are the ברכות that you make?
So I started from the beginning.
So I said you make a ברכה on washing hands.
So he'd heard of that,
because he'd been to families where he done cuz they sat down for bread.
So he knew that one,
that wasn't such a surprise,
we explained a little bit what it was.
And then I said,
'We make a ברכה...'
after going to the toilet.
And he like almost laughed,
"The toilet?"
So I said,
"Yeah."
He said like,
"But isn't that like inappropriate?"
I said,
"It's inappropriate to make the ברכה in the toilet,
but about the toilet,
I think it's a very great thing."
And I explained to him,
we went through the words,
explaining what it is,
and the miracle,
and הקדוש ברוך הוא taking care of us,
and So then we go to the one of the אלוקי נשמה.
That he liked that one very much.
That was like,
okay,
that's יידישקייט.
That's like spiritual,
and like make a ברכה on that,
that he was into that one.
And then,
I guess we carried on.
And then we got to קידוש לבנה.
So he said,
so I said,
"Okay,
there's a ברכה on the moon."
"Moon?"
"We worship the moon?"
I said,
"No,
not worshipping the moon.
We're like praising הקדוש ברוך הוא.
The moon represents עם ישראל,
going up,
going down."
Bit of an explanation.
And then,
okay.
And then he said to me,
like a joke,
"Is there a ברכה on the sun?"
I said,
"Yeah,
but it's only every 28 years."
So like he burst out laughing.
And it was really funny,
like for me,
too,
because like when you're looking at it from the outside,
like if you're used to it,
and it's your whole,
you know,
your whole existence,
then like,
you know,
you're used to these things,
it's not a surprise.
But when someone from the outside,
it's like,
"Wow,
like,
what else?
Is there a ברכה on shoes?"
I said,
"Yes,
there is,
it's part of it."
Like it was really it was really amusing.
But like that's the message that I was giving to him was that like
הקדוש ברוך הוא is in every area of our lives.
That that's the message,
right?
I used that with him,
I was talking about going to the bathroom.
That הקדוש ברוך הוא is in every area of our lives,
like every area of our lives,
and everything you're being involved in,
הקדוש ברוך הוא is involved,
he's everywhere.
But there's the external learning,
which you're looking outside of yourself and you're saying,
"Does this make sense?
Does this make sense?
Does this make sense?"
All the different external things that you're doing.
And for that,
you're just learning new things.
You're learning הלכה,
"I didn't know that.
A ברכה on the sun,
okay.
When's that going to come around?
A few years to go,
okay.
בסדר,
I'll keep it in the bank,
I'll remember it,
when it comes around,
I'll do it."
But it's all external to you,
and that's מתבונן,
paying attention,
looking around.
And then there's מפקח,
that's where you reflect,
and you say,
"Where am I holding in respect to this?"
This is what we spoke about yesterday,
we didn't do it in the words,
this is what we spoke about yesterday.
Real,
real חשבון נפש isn't where,
this is the משל we gave yesterday with the two hands,
isn't where you have you ignore your authentic self,
and you're just learning what's one supposed to do,
what's one supposed to do,
what's one supposed to do,
and you're growing and growing and growing in your ideas,
and your understanding,
but you didn't ask yourself,
"Am I a partner in this?"
מפקח is where you're checking in with yourself.
Does this resound with me?
Do I agree with this?
Am I on board?
Now,
the answer is supposed to be yes,
right,
eventually.
The goal is going to be that you're aligning yourself with הקדוש ברוך הוא.
But there's also a goal of aligning yourself with הקדוש ברוך הוא,
not just pretending that you're aligned.
So it's not enough to say,
"Okay,
that's the right thing to do,
I'm in," because it might not be authentic.
Being מתבונן means learning what the right things to do are.
Being מפקח is being very honest and saying like,
"Where am I holding?"
So on the actions,
that's easier,
because on the actions you're just saying like,
"Okay,
this is what the הלכה is,
am I doing it or not?"
It's an easy one.
But on the דרך,
that's much harder,
because on the דרך you see,
I'm I'm out of sync with what God's will is.
What what do I feel about it?
Do I care?
Am I interested?
And if not,
then what's the barrier?
And only now the real work begins.
Only now you can authentically build,
because you're being very honest.
And you you might find it like rude to say to הקדוש ברוך הוא,
"I don't really care.
I just don't care."
But only when you've said that,
then you can make a difference.
Like the two examples of this.
One is that the way that the the the 12-step process of like Alcoholics
Anonymous,
or any Anonymous works,
the first step is saying,
"My name is Tzvi,
and I'm an alcoholic."
You have to do that first step.
Don't record that.
Like if you don't say that stage where like I'd I I I'm not
trying to put on a show anymore.
I'm not trying to pretend that I'm on a higher level than I am.
I just want to be really authentic,
like where am I at?
And only when you've done that stage,
which is really hard,
the ego doesn't let you do that.
The ego says,
"No,
I'm on a higher level,
and I'm doing well,
and..."
I I see it in ישיבה,
year after year,
where you have kids who clearly need to work on themselves,
and when you engage them in conversation about like,
"How is it?"
"Everything's fine!
Everything's going perfect!
Everything's going well!"
And when you when you bring up,
"Okay,
but what about this?"
"No,
it's good,
it's in check,
it's okay," and like and they're not open to the a discussion about like
taking the next step,
because in their eyes they're perfect.
They know they're not perfect,
but they're they're stable.
They're they're they're solid.
They don't need to work.
The ego's in the way.
It takes a humble person to say,
"I know I need to work on myself.
I'm willing to work on myself.
I'm putting the ego aside,
and I'm saying like it's better the long-term result,
that I'll grow."
There was once,
I was once in a group setting.
There was a group of רבנים,
we were working on something.
And the rabbi who was leading it,
he asked for a volunteer.
So I said,
"I'll volunteer."
And he said,
"If you volunteer,
it's like talking about something very open,
and it's we're in a group here."
I said,
"Yeah,
I'm happy to do it."
So we did it,
and I did it,
and whatever the conversation was.
was a very personal conversation in a public setting.
And at the end,
the rabbi asked for feedback from the group.
And one person said,
one person said,
"I learned from this,
if they ask you to volunteer to speak in public about a personal thing,
you say no."
Now,
I was the one who volunteered,
not him,
right?
So obviously for him it was like,
whoa,
like what was that?
Like in other words,
he had a certain level of defense that like he wasn't willing to share.
Now,
it's not always healthy to share everything,
but he wasn't willing to share,
and he would be scared to share.
And someone asked to me afterwards,
they said to me like,
"That was very brave.
Like,
how did you how did you do that?"
So I said,
"This group of people are a particular group that were here together now for
a particular course.
Like,
I don't know anyone from before.
I'm unlikely to meet people again.
Like,
it's not something which is ongoing in my life.
And if I could gain from having a deeper insight into myself and then
work better,
isn't it worth it?
Isn't it worth it?"
Now,
it it's a little bit exposure,
like whoa,
so okay there's a group of a few people here who now know something
about my my life,
but so what?
So what?
One day I'll see them in מכולת,
and they'll remember that I had something years ago,
okay,
big deal.
But in the meantime,
like,
I'm able to move forward,
I'm able to grow.
So it's not comfortable,
it's not comfortable.
But when you're willing to say,
like,
I'm willing to,
again it's not always healthy in a group setting,
but I'm willing to like admit that this is something that I'm I'm going
to be open about.
This דרך is not a proper דרך,
and I want to find a proper דרך,
then you then you can make that And one more story on that.
There was a רבי who called in his תלמידים one by one,
and he said to them,
"Tell me," I heard this story from Dr.
Pelcovitz,
I don't know if anyone knows him,
Dr.
David Pelcovitz,
so he said,
like,
"Tell me,
do you have any do you have any,
like,
issues with of of אמונה?"
So one boy sat down and he said,
"No."
So he says,
"You don't have any issues with אמונה?"
So he said,
"I'm worried about you."
What's your התבוננות?
And why is that התבוננות?
You're thinking,
but why?
Like,
isn't it a good thing you don't have questions in אמונה?
He says,
"No,
because then you're not you're not serving השם."
Only when a person has,
like,
a authentic challenge where like they have questions,
they have issues,
which they're working on,
not that they get stuck on and give up,
but like they're they're addressing questions of אמונה and they're trying to understand,
they're trying to deepen.
If you don't care,
you just say,
"Everything's okay," you're clearly you're not working.
And that was definitely that was דרך.
Yeah,
if if מתבונן is contemplating like externally what you need to do,
why is that reflexive?
Wouldn't it make sense How would you say it?
How would you say that you're contemplating the right path?
Reflexive doesn't have to be that you're contemplating about yourself.
מתבונן could be you're you're the one contemplating,
but you're contemplating by identifying in the world,
like what the right thing to do is.
מפקח is where you're checking up,
seeing,
am I doing that?
Am I in line with that?
הטובים הם אם לא,
are they good or not good?
And good here obviously means,
in this context,
means good in line with הקדוש ברוך הוא.
"ואני," said דוד המלך,
"קרבת אלקים לי טוב."
The definition here of good is השם's definition of good.
There are other things that are good,
but they're not going to lead me to the end goal of what we
learned in the הקדמה of קרבת השם.
So we're talking here about good or not good,
it's after the הקדמה.
Once we've already defined that there are different levels of pleasure,
there are different definitions of what good in the world is,
and we've defined קרבת השם,
that's what we're aiming for,
that's what the good is,
then we're aiming to say,
where am I in לבלתי עזוב,
and this we read yesterday,
לבלתי עזוב נפשו לסכנת האבדון,
חס וחלילה,
ולא ילך במהלך הרגלו כעור באפלה.
Because the default is that if you're not working on yourself in an active,
consistent way,
it's not that you'll remain on the level you're at,
but rather you'll be falling.
That's why he calls this harsh language of סכנת האבדון.
And we spoke about the idea of עור באפלה,
which is a kind of unnecessary phrase,
because if someone's blind,
they can't see.
What does being dark make it worse?
But obviously that,
yeah.
Right,
that's it.
So if a person's blind,
they can't see,
but other people can see,
so other people can help him.
If a person's blind and it's dark,
then that means not only can they not see,
but other people can't help him.
Someone who wants to work on himself,
he may be blind.
He may be blind,
like he doesn't know what to do,
he doesn't know how to work on himself,
he doesn't know the right path,
but at least he'll go look for help!
At least he'll say like,
I I I identify at least that I'm not on the right path,
I don't know what to do.
He'll turn to a רבי,
he'll turn to his ספרים,
he'll he'll ask ChatGPT,
I don't know,
he'll do something!
He'll like say,
"I need help!"
But someone who is not being מתבונן,
then he's עור באפלה,
like you said.
He's blind and he doesn't even know there's someone out there who can help
him because it's dark,
there's no one out there to help him.
That's the worst.
The fact that you're blind isn't your fault,
There are many times people are unaware of the right thing to do.
They're not aware.
They're trying to understand,
they're trying to contemplate,
but they they don't understand themselves deeply.
Or in halachic areas,
they haven't learned הלכה fully,
they don't know everything.
Being blind is not a problem.
Being being blind and not caring and not seeking,
that's what the issue is.
That's why he uses the that's potentially why he uses the משל of עיוור
באפילה.
Now I just want to talk about the הרגל as well.
הרגל,
from the language רגל,
that a person like walks,
and that a person just like walks without thinking.
דוד המלך,
his הרגל was to go to the בית מדרש.
That was his הרגל.
He just didn't think,
and he just ended up finding himself in the בית מדרש.
But הרגל is something which is a very positive כח if used right,
and a very negative כח if used wrong.
הרגל is where there's an there's an action,
or a thought process,
which initially you don't know.
Let's say,
for example,
a person is playing chess,
and initially he doesn't know what move to do.
He doesn't know.
But after he's done a particular move a hundred times,
and he knows this מהלך,
then he doesn't need to think it through anymore.
That's like That's built-in.
Like,
he's got that now.
So,
is that a good thing or a bad thing?
It's a good thing!
It's a very good thing,
because he knows he can think a few steps ahead and forward without needing
to like reinvent the wheel every time.
And he can know,
okay,
I've got this down.
Now,
he needs to apply it right.
Now that he needs to do,
like is it good to do this series of moves now?
That he needs to think about.
But he doesn't have to think each move independently,
he's got So הרגל is a very good thing.
It's a very good thing because it enables you to put aside a lot
of actions and process that you need to do in your life and not
need to be bogged down in it forever and forever and ever.
Let הרגל take care of it.
I've already learned how to do that once.
Now I do it on autopilot.
It's very good.
Let's talk about davening.
Is it good or bad that a person davens with הרגל?
So,
first stage is that it's good.
The first stage that it's good.
If a person doesn't know how to pronounce the words properly and for him
davening is just about getting how to say the words properly,
then there's zero כוונה for Hashem.
It's all about how do you pronounce this word?
That's That's all it is at the first stage,
and his whole initial goal is to learn how to say the words well.
Then he knows how to pronounce the words,
and he knows where a pause is supposed to be,
and let's say that takes him a year.
And it becomes הרגל.
Very good!
That's very good.
That aspect of davening being הרגל is very positive.
If you would be your whole life struggling over how to pronounce the words,
you would never get anywhere in כוונה to Hashem.
You wouldn't get far.
So,
saying the words accurately,
it's very,
very good that you put that in הרגל.
Like you have areas that you say,
now I know how to do that,
I'm moving it to the box of הרגל.
Good.
Now,
the danger obviously is that once we put the how to say the words
in הרגל,
we put the כוונה in הרגל as well.
And then you don't think about the fact that you're standing before Hashem.
But really,
really,
you're supposed to put the words in הרגל so that you'll free your mind
is free that now you can just say the words naturally.
You just can say them naturally and your mind can be occupied in davening,
talking to הקדוש ברוך הוא,
thinking about הקדוש ברוך הוא,
relating to הקדוש ברוך הוא.
So הרגל is very,
very good to use for areas which aren't don't need engaged thought.
But it's very bad for areas that need engaged thought.
So that's the example for davening,
and it's a very important one.
So let's say,
for example,
you come home and your wife is waiting for you because she wanted to
share her day,
and you've got it down to pat.
You're able to do everything around the house and say all the right noises
at the right time that it sounds like she's you're listening.
You've got it perfect now.
You've got it down.
So that's good,
right?
No,
it's not good.
Because she wants to be engaged,
she wants you to be listening,
she wants the connection.
So you might think it's very good because you're able to do what's more
interesting to you whilst she feels hurt.
But it's not good.
It's like davening.
You've got it into a rote now where you're able to do it easily
and smoothly,
but if the action is supposed to be one where you're engaged,
then you shouldn't put that on rote.
So הרגל is very good for learning how to put on תפילין.
It's very good.
Like if you're a בר מצוה boy and trying to here,
here,
here,
here,
בר מצוה boy spent 20 minutes in the mirror.
Like back and forth and back.
It's not Then it's good to get הרגל,
you can put it on quickly and not have to think.
But the areas that need the thought So I just wanted to discuss the
idea of הרגל to know that it's a good thing and a bad thing
and you have to identify.
Anything that needs engagement,
then put הרגל aside.
Make sure,
even if it becomes הרגל for you,
that you don't allow it to,
that you're focused on it.
But things that are just habitual in a healthy way that you're able to
then put them aside and free your mind,
that's a very good thing to do.
One more phrase:
והנה זה דבר שהשכל יחייבהו ודאי.
This is something which is logical.
כי אחרי שיש לאדם דעה והשכל להציל את עצמו ולברוח מאבדון נשמתו,
the moment you realize that if you don't pay active attention to your spiritual
growth,
then what you're doing is you're giving up on yourself.
It's a spiritual suicide.
איך יתכן שירצה להעלים עיניו מהצלתו.
Why would you want to ignore and willingly,
it's willingly,
right?
You say that it's not willingly,
you say "I just didn't pay attention",
but it's willingly ignore your growth and your saving yourself.
There's דיוק to make there,
בעזרת השם we'll pick on up on that on Sunday.
יישר כח.