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Today we talk about an issue that a lot of people SHOULD have talked about before they got married. The service of premarital legal counseling can facilitate important conversations and help couples prepare for lasting marriages or unforeseen divorces.
Your no bullsh$t guide to divorce with experienced attorneys from New Direction Family Law and guests and professionals who have been there. Unfiltered discussions to help you move from victim to victorious and from bitter to better.
[00:00:00] Hi everyone. I'm Elizabeth Stephenson and I'm Sarah Hank. Thank you for joining us today. We already going to talk about a topic that most people that probably should have talked about before they got married. So I know We always recommend prenups for people, but in general, there's a lot of good information that people should have before they get married.
I agree. And then I came across this it's called premarital legal counseling. And what is that? What'd you think is really interesting because it opens is that's just not talking about what you're going to prenup, but having people have open ended conversations about really. Personal things like finances, people don't necessarily want to talk about that.
Yeah. And that's an issue. It is. And so if you're not able to talk [00:01:00] about it before you get married or know the consequences of what happens, if you start putting stuff together or putting stuff separately, then it's going to have an effect. I think I would think on your marriage. And if you can't have serious conversations before marriage, what makes you think you're going to have them during the marriage?
Correct. Doing marriage counseling. But we would just tell you what happens if you open a joint bank account or you keep your money separate, or you inherit a million dollars from your grandfather. What is that? So marriage and of itself is a Legally recognized by the state.
It is pretty much it's under the realm of law. So why not understand the laws that have to do with marriage? With marriage counseling, through a therapist, you're learning more about the each other's, Course like communication styles and feelings and sexual desires, but when you're getting married, those things don't change.
What changes is the law? Correct? That's right. And so I think it's important for you, for people to understand what. What the law is regarding property. And so in [00:02:00] North Carolina, it doesn't matter whose name it's in. It matters when you required it, because the state looks at you as a unit. Which I'm assuming you would too, if you were married.
So if I've got, if I acquire a million dollars in my 401k, Even though it's in my name. It's not all mine. If I'm married. Yeah. I'm so surprised with how many people come to me and okay, I have my own money. I have my separate account, so I'm good. I'm like, no, you're not good. Your separate account with your name on it is not your separate.
Money, but it's a logical thing you would, especially if you've never been married before and you've been single and you've never had to share your stuff with anybody. It's very IO. Yeah. That's his credit card debt. That's not my problem. It is your problem. No, your problem. And if it says it was his law degree and medical degree that put us $300,000 in the hole.
That's his degree. That's not my problem. That's not always the case. That's right. So when Phil let's talk about that, like a lot of times that does come up about education loans. And so you start with the premise of that's his he's going to get the [00:03:00] benefit or she's going to get the benefit of it if we separate.
So why do I have to take on the half that? Yeah, a lot of times, if that, if the, one of the parties went to school during the marriage is decision you made during the marriage to take on this loan together with the. future thought that you were both going to benefit from this degree. So the court says you do have to start and go to school during the marriage, and you also have to be together for a certain amount of time after you have to receive the benefit.
Correct. So if you, if one, if the husband goes to school to get his master's third masters and you're married, but he doesn't graduate by the time you separate you never really actually benefited from it. So that's going to be. His separate debt, this is why there's lawyers, because people are going to argue one way or the other time seems unfair to me because especially if you've been a stay at home parent and the other party got the advanced degree.
And even if you were together 10 years and you got some benefit of that, they still get to have the benefit for the next 30 years. I think there's. I don't know. I think student loans, I should just [00:04:00] be your own is what I think too. But that's not the case. I elected that. Yeah, maybe it didn't really matter.
Yeah. Can you see Elizabeth, our name out there running for office, please elect us. We'll look out for you. So let's stay on property for a minute. Okay. So I buy a house and I don't want to put, or let's say I had my house before mean it's in my name. Is that mine? If we get married, it is it's yours.
If you had to before marriage, however, there could be an argument for some kind of marital component of it. If your spouse put money towards the home, they're going to say I want. Now, part of that principal reduction back that I put into the house, right? There's arguments on both sides and how it's going to come out in court is going to be up to the judge to interpret the law and apply the law.
But don't you think you have to have that? I think it would be important to have that conversation before you got married and it's important. So what if you get married? And he said, you really need to put me on the deed or you need to do this. And then the person goes, no, I'm not going to do that.
You're just conversation. Yeah, you should have. And also know what. If you decide to put a bunch of money into the [00:05:00] upkeep of this home and you say I know that house was just in your name, but I'll give you $50,000 to put an addition on you're going to, you're going to miss out on some of that money.
It's right. It's not that easy just to recoup that either. And so there's not, I don't think there's anything wrong with having those conversations, but I think you need to have it with an attorney who knows the laws. Not that we're going to tell you do this or don't do that, but at least.
Know what your options are, right? And if you decide still not to have a prenup, then you've made a educated decision, not correctly, but skirts edge, you at least listen to advice, which I think is the best. And just because you listened to advice, don't get a prenup, get married. It doesn't mean that you can't go and make a, an agreement during the year.
It can always be my, you can always change that if you let's say you get, okay, now we've been together 10 years and let's go back and look at this and see if we can. We need to update it or change things or get rid of it altogether. Sometimes. And some people will do, let's talk about, you can put spousal support in there where you can wave it where you say you're [00:06:00] not going to get anything.
And a lot of people will. Do things like if we're together 10 years, you get X. If we're together another year and you get X. And so the Hollywood prenuptial agreements where, you know, if you don't do a certain thing, then you don't get anything. Or, if you stay together a year, you get no alimony.
But if you stay together five years, then you'll get X amount. Those are like the elevator clauses for length of marriage. My personal opinion is like, why would you do that? Because I'm going to stick in there for five years or so. I don't know people do it, not necessarily against it, if you want that money and you're willing to just stay in that level list or whatever marriage, then whatever of it.
That's your job at that point. Can you put provisions about custody, child custody and a premarital? Technically you can, but it's not gonna be. Valor upheld because the custody is for the, what's in the best interest of the child. So no matter what you really contract to regarding custody, a judge can always say that's not in the best interest of the child, so I'm just going to ignore all that.
I don't generally put that in there now, [00:07:00] but that's one thing you can talk to an attorney about before you have children. So you know what to expect if that were to happen. And also it can calm your fears about what would happen if I died, what would happen in also if you wanted to then go talk to an estate attorney about what to do as far as your assets and going to your children.
Correct. I agree with that. And And it's also w we were talking about move it around here, but dead and things. It's like a lot of people are shocked when they find out that there's dead out there and it's in the other person's name, then they didn't know anything about it and they have to pay for it.
Yeah. They had to pay half of that. We do our best to divide all the assets and debts equally, unless there's something in your case, that's going to swing it one way or the other, but that's not usually the case. So who, if your spouse racks up a bunch of credit card debt, and you're like, that's not in my name, so I shouldn't have to take it.
You're going to be in for a shock. Correct. And that's why it's important to feel comfortable discussing finances with each other and also. Just knowing about financial statements and finances in general, [00:08:00] like you can't just ignore what debt is. I think some people are just like, whatever, it's fake money that I owe someone it's not a big deal.
And they, they do that and I work with them and they're adults and I'm like, are you crazy? It's not good to have this much debt. It's not good if you don't have a large salary to get a car with an 800 month payments. And so the other thing is I always ask people like, run your car.
Credit reports and let everybody know what's out there as a starting line, because when you do a prenup, I always like to attach like an exhibit that says here's what this person's assets are. Here's what their debts are. So everybody, and if you have it disclosed something, is that no problem. It can be.
Do you, another thing is you have a fiduciary duty. Once you marry. And that means you have to be open and honest about things. And if you're not, then there's plenty of people who are not shocking to know like that shocking, people don't divorce just because someone cheated.
I think a lot of people think that, but finances come into play a lot when it comes to divorcing. And that [00:09:00] starts the wheels turning in your head. Okay. If they're not being honest about this, then what else are they not being honest about? And Jen, you brought up a good point before we started about everybody was supposed to get married.
Last year. Yeah. And that was going to be continued to this year. There's going to be a marriage, boom, and possibly a divorce, boom, baby, a baby boom. But you guys talking about finances, you brought it up. Sarah, that recently I was looking at research for the main causes of divorce and there are all kinds of different articles.
And one will say, one thing is more than the other, but the common thread there, every single one of them was money and finances is the biggest thing. And that kind of trickles into. Huge stressors that then can lead to lack of communication that then lead to maybe stepping out and seeking, refuge other where, whether it's substance use or an affair or whatever it may be.
So talk about the money, show me the money. And that's what I was just looking up. Important questions to ask before you get married. And just the first one was before marrying someone, there was some topic you might want to discuss. How much debt do they have? That's really huge.
[00:10:00] A lot of debt is a turnoff. Oh, I wouldn't marry you. If you got a lot of debt. I think it says a lot about them extensively. It doesn't, their responsibility is do you really want to have kids with this person? But yeah, you got these, all the endorphins are going. You've got a beautiful ring.
You're planning your wedding. You're looking at it. Not long-term, I don't think a lot of people, they just want the party and all of that. And then the reality hits after all that's over with at times. And you've got to know how to manage your own finances and seeing that your spouse can't do that.
That's concerning when seeing if they will attempt to then change that and be in that doesn't happen, then don't marry that person, him or her. It doesn't mean you shouldn't get married, but you need to address the question. And we had people that you can go see and talk about your finances that can help you.
Yeah, we can put it in a prenup that if you have your debt in your own separate name throughout the marriage, any divorce, then yeah. That's going to be separate. We can do that. So if you still really love that person, who's really bad with money and racks up credit card [00:11:00] bills, we'll just make sure they keep that credit card in their name.
Correct. And if you divorce, then they can take that debt and you don't have to mess with it. And so that seems a fair way to do it. It was like, okay, let's be open and honest about that and talk about it. So if. Can we represent both parties. Can you talk to both parties? I feel like you, you can, this is something new that we haven't done yet.
This counseling without doing a prenup, you could, I would think you could talk to both of them, but we couldn't turn around and then draft a prenup for one of them and represent them. And I don't think you could say. You couldn't advocate for one or the other. It's just what we're doing here is now what's important what the law is, and then they to make their own decisions about what they want to do.
Yeah. Whenever I draft a prenup, I'm representing one person and a lot of times they're not very confrontational. I've had a few that ended up falling apart. And then the, I don't think the marriage ever happened either, but most of the times they're already going to agreement that this is going to happen before they come to the attorney.
A lot of times they are. Professionals and do have assets to [00:12:00] already protect or businesses that they want to protect. So they're already on board and they, for the most part, keep it very, equal. Don't even address alimony right there. Leave it open, or they'll agree to waive it. If they both have funds.
Or agree to put language in there about no alimony, unless there's children and so on stops working for X amount of time. So there's all these different ways that you can form it to the future just because you don't think something's going to happen. We can still plan for that to happen, which is good.
And so do you what do you do about a lot of times I had people come I want to do this because I am anticipating getting inheritance or something like that. Yeah. You slap it in there. There's still the law that would support them at keeping their own inheritance.
That's still separate property, but it's good to know that if you take that inheritance and you start paying marital, debts with it, or when you buy a house with it that you both live in that you're commingling it with your marital funds. And they may look at that as a gift to the marriage.
I didn't have a case. I've had cases where that's happened and they've had a separate account, but and then they moved some of the [00:13:00] money into a joint account and paid, marital debt with it or added onto the house or done something like that. And instead of spending $25,000 to weed through all that.
If it's in a prenup that says, even though the law says at a starting point, it's yours, that's not necessarily true. So that's how a prenup can help you is give you that, that confidence in that sense of relief, to know that if something does happen, And everything's already taken care of for the most part.
People think that if say I was, I had my own house and I get married and then I sell my house that I owned before marriage and take that money. And then I buy a house for the two of us, me and my husband that you can just go back and say that was my separate house. I can get that money. And the law says, no, you can't.
It's weird because. You can still use trace of funds in some areas. If I were to just sell my house, put that money into an investment account and you can trace it there. But the law says once you mingle it in a house, they look at it as a gift to the marriage. I'm gifting my separate funds to me and my [00:14:00] husband.
And that, and if you didn't want to do that, then you need to have that conversation before you get married to it. That everybody doesn't get all pissed off when that happens, because I know you already know the answer, this is my separate property, and it's going to remain mine, the prenup any selling of a house or anything like that, the results and funds that are it's still going to be separate.
And if you put it into another house, then I'm going to get recouped that separate funds. And I put in there has to be in the contract, has to be in the prenup for that, to be the case. And I will say. I'm in the middle of a case right now, where they had a prenup, but now they want a separation agreement.
So it doesn't, it's not a slam dunk that somebody is not going to say. No, we need, I want something else or this isn't, or I'm going to challenge this, or you can challenge it. I That's why the way our attorney is all we do is challenge you. Don't like, I don't really like that anymore. Let's see what we can do to poke around and use some leverage somewhere else and get it done.
That's right. Yeah. Was not things can always be changed. Let's put it that way. But I think the most important thing is that you, but it opened up the [00:15:00] conversation about things. And if you can't have those conversations about. Finances and children and that sort of when you're even when you're gonna retire and what you're gonna do and, investments and all of that, then maybe you really do need to sit back and think.
Yeah, or take a little more time before you make that walk down the aisle, and also you just get warning. We let you know some red flags to look out and when to jump ship is when you know, things are going downhill financially and you don't, think about. Sticking it out one or two more years for the kids?
Maybe that's not a good idea, right? If they're wasting their money spending or if they lost their job and they decide they're just going to be bummed for awhile. And how that's gonna affect you, if you're the one making the money. And even if you're the wife and making the money, you can still pay your husband Alamo.
Correct. It just depends on who's been the stay at home or who makes more money. It doesn't matter what gender. You are. Yeah. We've seen cases where it's the woman and she's making a good amount of money, a hundred or 200,000 a year. And the husband's just sitting at home smoking pot and I don't know how these two ever end up, but it [00:16:00] happens a lot.
And then they split up because she's tired of it. And. Now he wants alimony, but you know what? He's probably going to get a little bit yeah. Watch out for that. And no know what to look out for, know how alimony is decided in North Carolina, it's a sloppy, messy process. But at least knowing the sloppy messy process will help.
I think a lot of people in general. And then of course, for the emotional, like we talked about before, see a counselor in that realm. Cause you talk to me and I'm a little bit more, probably upfront harsh about it. Like I just said, don't marry if he has dad told me that this was a good thing.
I have a little cold that is, but just talk about it. And it's important to have those conversations and if they get really hesitant about talking about it and that's a red flag, but he knows that our job to tell you that, to get married, [00:17:00] vice would you guys give about the privacy situation, like passwords to accounts and things like that?
Because I know we have situations where people with clients and they. Have somehow gotten into these accounts where they prior, but previous to this did not know. And you have to advise them like okay, stop. But having that conversation ahead of time, do you think that. From a, best practice standpoint [00:18:00] that everybody needs to lay everything out on the table.
And I don't know, I don't know that advice for that because it depends where the, on the end of, representing one person. So it depends on who I'm representing. I'd probably tell my person to have their secret accounts, but no, all there. Yeah. The passwords are different, I think. And I think it depends on your age too.
If you're older and getting married, you're used to having your own stuff. You're used to having your own privacy. And I've never been one of, I don't need to be around somebody 24 seven, but there was some couples that do that are all entangled in a mashed in everything. And then that's how they worked at that's all day work.
But no, there are consequences to that too. They meet us
still, even if it's not knowing passwords and things, but being just aware of what accounts there are, what their financial picture looks like. Absolutely. I think you should be open and honest about that. I don't think you should be. Hiding secret account. If you're married, there's something wrong.
If you're doing that. Yeah, you should be done. I mean that, to me, that just everyday conversation, it can be separate. That could be your [00:19:00] money, but why are you hiding it? Yeah. That's like you say, what the hell else are you hiding from me? Yeah. I don't know that the passwords is different. I don't, I haven't been married, so I don't know, but none of my boys, boyfriends who've ever had my passwords, probably a good call.
That's a very good call. Yeah. All I can tell you is if you don't have, if somebody, all of a sudden puts a password lock on their phone, there's a problem with a password. I've had people say to me, no, everything was going great. Then all of a sudden they, I can't get in their phone. And there's a reason for that because he was talking to his girl.
That's why you don't do it in the first place. I agree with that, people do. Yeah, what would, I don't know, what would we be doing for a living if people didn't do that? I don't know. Jen, do you want to ask like Joe, over here, if he has passwords my wife has all my passwords or if she doesn't, I would give them to her right away, but my phone's locked, but she knows what the lock is.
I just mostly because I don't like people messing with my phone, you leave it out and people mess with it. I worked at a place with not so [00:20:00] mature people last time that were like set 3:00 AM alarms Oh. Stuff to my Facebook. That's good. But watch out for that. Yeah. And I don't think there's anything that bury us.
If you have your own password on your phone. I think it would be nefarious if she asks for a password and I was like, why you need it? I think that would be, yeah, that's true. Yeah. But I have a lot of online accounts. I'd be like, which one? Like I have to keep them documented in a separate thing, yeah. I think the bigger thing would be just having that conversation. Where do you sit with this as far as communication, do you think that with your partner say, do you expect that we should know each other's passwords and what all of our accounts are and yada, or.
No, let's assume the best and worst. I think I like it. Joe said, if I was asked then, sure. I don't know why I would be asked. I think I'd probably just voluntarily, normally for me, it's banking staff and she's about to pay a bill and I'm just like, yep, here it is. Oh, that's true. Oh, she already knows them all.
But if it did anything else I don't have experience with this. I [00:21:00] don't know if you will turn somebody your text and there must be something in there. You don't want them to. See that's just human nature. And then it snowballs right. Snowballs into a lot of things. Like why won't they show me?
And then your brain goes like this. And then they're definitely having an affair. So just show them the text. I know. Just get it over with, I don't know. It just depends on it. Your personality, yeah, that's true. The only thing that bugs me when my wife reads my texts is if she doesn't tell me that she did cause then they're not unread anymore.
And so I never got that text because I only read the ones that come in, so if they're not blurred out then I don't see them. Yeah, you might've bought me my boring financial accounts. If you're married and they're sharing accounts, then you're both. If it's a joint account, have that information.
I don't know how people are on joint accounts that I come across and they don't have the login information. And it's you're on that account. You definitely need, yeah. Talk to worry about a mortgage. Just I don't know how to sign it while you're on the deed of trust. I didn't know that they go and sign something and know they signed it.
And even if you both are anti online, stopping that [00:22:00] people are, I'm like, I didn't get a copy of your mortgage statement. And they're like I think it came to the house the other month and I throw it away. I'm like can you log on? They're like, no, I don't know how I'm like, okay, this is got to grow up a little bit here.
It's real easy. Yeah, it drives us to worse attorneys. Crazy. When we were asking for copies of financial statements and we get like pictures from your phone and it's like a wrinkled up piece of paper on it on the floor. Some people will be so quick to share with us. Their login credentials. They're like here's my password.
And username, you just get the statements. And I'm like, I've done that before because some people really do have a hard time doing that, but I have a lot of money and a lot of accounts we'll do that too. And I'm like if you're wanting to pay me to go log through all that, I'm happy to do that then fine.
But your bill is going to be a lot higher. So know that when you have a divorce attorney, as much work you can do on your end, the lower your bill is gonna be. And so do your, Joe was talking about somebody paying bills, but. Generally somebody that pays the bills in the household, but at least know what your budget is.
How'd that you need to have that conversation too. [00:23:00] Before you get married to see how do you budget? Do you budget? Do you imagine it? What are your hobbies? Are they expensive? And if you have $20,000 of credit card debt, why are you buying a $2,000 piece of equipment that you don't need? It's something as simple as that.
It's whose name is on the utility bill, because if somebody moves out and the other person's name is on there, And they cut it off. They can cut, they can do that. And you don't have any control over it. So just, I get a lot of calls from my wife about can you tell this person I can talk to them about this thing, right?
Yes. You may talk to her. Yeah. Be involved and that's just for your best, your own knowledge, even if you don't even what happened if your spouse dies. That's going to be a problem as well as information. You don't know what accounts are out there. So know them cause anything can happen, right?
Remember America is hard work. What is it? Was it 50% of marriages? They all, what's the number. I think we're down in the forties now, but not by much, not much lower than 50%. We'll see if that changes after 2020. So the prenup, 40% of people [00:24:00] are going to need that prenup, that will help them.
But the other part is it's not all fun and games. The wedding, the euphoria over that it's the day to day the dragging the slogging through it is hard. And so if you can't have these conversations, when you're happy and so excited and ready, you're not going to, I just don't think you're going to be able to have them later without a lot.
Yeah. And it's also financially beneficial to do this on the front end, as opposed to on the backend end, people always say, going through a divorce is expensive. Also, look at the wedding. Sometimes that can be just as expensive. And I know they say that the more money you spend on the wedding, the more likely are to divorce.
I don't know how true that is, but I've read that a few times, but a prenup is a lot cheaper than arguing about it all in the back. Oh, correct? Correct. Correct. And it gives you a peace of mind and then you've had those conversations and then you can. And it's not like in Kira prenup means you're going to get it to people.
Things like having, I don't [00:25:00] know, life insurance, supplementals or disability insurance means that you're going to be disabled. I was gonna say life insurance, but we all are, no, I didn't say life insurance, like life insurance, but that's me again, thinking everyone's. She didn't get it. It was like disability insurance, or homeowners.
It's not your house. We're going to burn down, but damn, it's nice. And when you work, it does. And you've got an insurance policy. Shit happens, but people do have a stigma against it though. It seems unlike health insurance, like they're not leaving your health insurance. You're not like it's not shameful to admit that you're going to die.
But for some people it's Oh, prenup, like this might not work. If there's a shame level that goes with it, that doesn't go with the other things. I don't know where that comes from. But I think it's just that people like did they really love me? And I think people have misconstrued conceptions about what other people think, that if you have one of these, that he must not really love you, which is ridiculous. I said before, and I think it makes a ton of sense to have the conversation when you still like each other, as opposed to waiting until the point where everything they say is wrong. No, I disagree. It was [00:26:00] like, I have an old client just recently re contacted me.
The husband's still in the house. Five years later, he's behind on the mortgage. He looks not paid. Then she goes, can't you just make him get out. It's I'm sorry. I cannot do that. And now she's going to have to spend $25,000 to get him out of the house. When, if they'd done this. Prior to, they would not have spent that amount of money and then it all could be taken care of.
Yeah. And especially if there's going to be businesses involved in the two of you have relied on this business to be your retirement and possibly sell it when you're older or live by rental property and live off the rental proceeds in your retirement, you never contributed to a 401k. see that a lot.
And I get people who are divorcing in their fifties, sixties, seventies, who had that lined up. And that's a huge concern to them. Oh, yeah, it's the business. And how are we going to manage this? If that was our plan to retire together and that's how we were going to do it. And so at the front end you're thinking about, let's say something does happen then more [00:27:00] than likely you're going to man.
Want to make it equitable and fair before the marriage. I would think then when you're at the point where you want to get divorced and screw the other person really bad. And so then you don't have to worry about that. People are crappy. It's like they divorce and then they're appalled by their spouse, how they're treating them all of a sudden.
And I'm like, this is how they were for a while. Now you had to have seen that. And I guess he was like you say, do it on the front end when you're happy. It makes sure you know that they want to look out for each other. And that's, to me, that's what a prenup is all about. It's not about getting divorced.
It's about. How many, an insurance policy in case something does happen. Yeah. And I think to Joe's point, cause he goes it has this negative connotation and what you were saying about what other people think. Absolutely. But I also think that it speaks to people's idea of marriage and that day, the actual wedding day and that fairy tale and that, Oh, if he, or she just loves me so much, then none of this matters bullshit.
Marriage is a partnership. And like you said, it's a lot of hard work and I'm wondering, I know just an art office. We've seen an uptick in prenups and [00:28:00] consultations at least about them. And so I'm wondering if now people are waiting until later on to get married. If we're going to start to see a shift in this or not getting married at all.
Hello, Oprah and Stedman marriage, isn't the goal. Isn't what people strive for. Like straight out of high school, I went to a little small on County high school and there were so many people who were like, Oh, I just can't wait to give up and get married now, bruh. I couldn't wait.
I don't think that's right. What people do and more, I just don't think the birth rate is going down. People are waiting until they're 28, 29 still seems young to me to get married, but it was, 18, 19, 20, and now you've got all this debt to pay off because you got a hundred thousand dollars in college debt, and so a lot of people are waiting to get that under control. I'm waiting for them to just the government to get rid of that. But . But, it's nothing wrong with living together, and then you don't have to worry about any of this, right? Because we're not like California, if you're not married, none of this matters and have kids together and not be married.
It's fine. It's okay. It's fine. Yeah. Cause common law [00:29:00] marriage isn't happen in North Carolina, right? No. That was all my law school exam. I think they have it in South Carolina, then they moved. I can't remember on a lot of other States. So I will say I have had clients that have been together like 15 years, got married for three years and that's all you can do for them.
I'm really sorry, but your alimony is not going to be. 15 years or seven years, it's going to be really short period of time and his retirement, even though y'all were together a new claim for him and cook for him and raise your children together. You're now getting three years of it, but that's going to be your role in the relationship then to get married.
Yeah. That's a good reason to talk to an attorney. Exactly for the record. We're not bashing marriage but it needs to be thought of more than just Prince charming and the princess walking down into forever, happily ever after when I do my taxes, I wish I was married. I know that just seems unfair. And then the CPA asked me every year.
Just get married as much. No. [00:30:00] Sure. Didn't, that's not, but completely for marriage and divorces equally. It's fine. I just want people to be happy. Yeah. I just want you to be happy. So piece, that would be great. We can all strive to have that one day and there's nothing wrong with that. There's not, there's nothing.
I think marriage is a wonderful institution, but it's. It's not permanent for a lot of people. Yeah. Just take care of yourself, the best thing to do, smart lookout for yourself and by doing so you look out for the two of you, you'll look out for your kids that way as well. Talk to an attorney before you get married, know your rights.
So you can talk to her marriage count. A lot of people do premarital counseling. Not necessarily your minister, but somebody that can help you, like they can come see us and then they've got all this stuff going off in their head. Then we're going to refer you to a really good therapist where you can sit down and have these conversations and then come back to us, have the hard conversations now.
That truly believed that you don't have to change your vows to death. Do we part or till the prenup kicks in? So it's [00:31:00] fine. That's fine. You don't even have to mention it. And that's your marriage advice from divorce attorneys? It was pretty good. Yeah. All right. That's some shit