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The Webway spits them out through Zedek's sentient closet and back onto the Debt Collector -- cleaned, repaired, and occupied by the enemy. Belba Creepfoot has been living in a cardboard box the whole time, commanding a potato-squad of ratlings from the shadows. De Fuckerby took the Tot. The crew descends into the sewers for the third time, reconciles with Gamu 4224 -- who has discovered that perfection without chaos is its own kind of hell -- and arms up for the final push to the Strategium. One frag grenade. One Lemurian box. One very long crawl.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
Creators and Guests
Host
Guest
Guest
Guest
What is WarHams - Narrative Declaration?
WarHams! The TTRPG live play show set in the grim dark world of Warhammer 40,000. Follow us @NarrativeDeclaration on all social media!
three two one go excellent sexy all righty everybody let's have you ready for another
episode of I'm here I'm ready jumped out of bed I'm ready to go
not asleep good morning hulky good well good morning oh wow it's a lot later in the day
than I thought it was what context we had to wake up hulky by spamming him with that
don't I we've we've all done it before it's been we've been doing this everyone for like
over a year and a half I think yeah oh no I am deserving that ire for that
it's like um I don't say we've been doing warhams about over a year and a half here
like it's been a while also I'm gonna press this
button and just make sure nothing crashes oh wow look everyone selected when I press
that button button and remove that game pause thing that like sets people off there we go
let me see here you have all of that hi everybody welcome to another episode of warhams it's
so lovely to see everyone today hope everyone has been having a fantastic time fantastic
time let me go and introduce you to the ones who are going to be suffering today starting
with our skitarii ranger played by speaker d
yes
I speaker d one of the lead writers of if the emperor had a text-to-speech device and
I just want you all to know
prepare
excellent excellent the one who's been playing reeve van horn our inquisitorial acolyte is
Erndil and I am also a lead writer for the show that is best known once as if the emperor
had a text device of some description uh I am working on other things right now I guess
I'm playing rube van horn you can say hello to me right now and no other times
yes I'm zorn the bear.
Hi, how you doing?
I'm doing the saint and siker called Lorne and blown me here on the image roster
we have our amazing rogue trader used to be captain of the debt collector played by me
hulky crow thank you for reminding me of that Zoran how gr- great and halcyon days that are
no longer here.
also used to be a voice actor on former show of emperor and thrones and texas speech devices like
microsoft sam but you know what i'm still i'm still kicking i'm still doing vo for other shit
i'm here i'm ready to go and of course the one leading us through this hellhole torturing us all
is our game master thurston hillman hi thurston hope everything's been okay yeah yeah leading is
a strong term though i mean it's more like i have like a big red you know like cape that i'm waving
in your face and then you run towards it and there's an animal behind it it's all sorts of
comedic and ha ha i know i i'm i'm thurston i i do gm ins around here and i'm currently trapped in
the word mines please find a way to get me out of the word mines one day you will help me and get
me out of the word mines because i'm continually typing while you're in the word mines i need to
read a couple of them especially a couple servitors who've been taking care of the
tot of taters
yeah so we have a three servitors who uh have been looking after the tot of taters up until
recently i'd like to thank uh renick justin lavois and kingy i don't like that name
kingy it's look it's two g's that's how you pronounce it oh i thought you were saying
something else we would have had some words but this is okay this is okay well bad guys do
have the shifts that's true they are bad servitors i guess question yeah yeah evil servitors for this
week yeah fucking evil servitards oh my gosh yes yes and thank you to the patrons and all the people
who have been sticking with us supporting the show and everything at patreon.com forward slash
warhams thank you everybody for helping us out but i suppose uh yeah i think we're also just
we're now something for stream wise we're gonna have a test session tomorrow
bat time seeing bat channel tomorrow we should have a test session if you guys want to watch us
test out some other games and things like that but for today wait wait wait that's next sunday no
no it is next sunday i'm sorry no no no that's right don't get their hopes up i'm sorry
calling to me again no next sunday i have a thing this sunday with with the other thing and then
next sunday for this one sorry if everyone melds together at some point
i thought i was special and unique like everything just just melds in with all the
regardless though thurston what do you what do you have for us today
well i have uh a quick quick recap our intrepid band of chuckle fucks have uh
uh spent the last few sessions traveling through the el dari wub way uh the weeb way on their way
to try to
stop one slab burgo to fuck me who had taken over their ship and uh a mysterious el dari ranger had
informed them that traveling through this wub way would eventually get them to where they needed to
go and after traveling through a section of the uh terrifying warp infested section of the el dari
weeb way are and and going through various trials each seeming real seemingly related to one of the
four powers of the great pantheon um our players managed to
make their way to the end of their their path where they emerged into captain zedek's quarters
through the mysterious device we know only as the closetor um and and they have entered into
captain zedek's uh you know very very um low-key bedroom i mean it's not multiple stories and
includes several like marble plinths and hasley and candelabras and
chaise lounge uh you know sofas and such all over the place but that's totally what it looks like
um and yeah so so all of you who've emerged i believe at the end of the session we'd had some
some folks walking up to the viewing ports here and looking out and seeing this sort of strange
dark planetoid in the distance which was properly identified as the furthest planet of the fimbria
system fimbria six
i'm gonna hand it over to all of you you now know that you are out of the warp and are
back on the debt collector
oh here we are oh wrong ship we gotta go back no no i don't care if it's a fake version of the same
ship even if it is nicer i'm not going back in no no no no no no no what do you mean fake version
of the same ship well my bedroom looks uh just like a fake version of the same ship i don't care
you're right there is only one chocolate fountain instead of six
oh there was supposed to be a cheese fountain too but that doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight
oh damn you gamu that explains your pants
moving on
whoever has occupied the ship in addition to defuckerby has certainly been the one who has been
the one who has occupied the ship in addition to defuckerby has certainly been the one who has been
done a number on the place
okay can i just do an investigation i suppose or a perception on what's
what has changed since we've been gone like in your room yes because this does not look as similar
as i remember it yeah give me a give me a give me investigate check sure
it's gonna be uh a fail it's gonna be a zero
it's gonna it's gonna be you're looking around like kind of like i this this can't be my my
chamber does anyone else want to investigate the area yes i will be lifting up all of their sofas
okay now behold
ah that's actually pretty good four successes yeah uh so pybrain you're able to tell it looks
like someone has just done rudimentary
cleaning in captain zedek's quarters like someone actually came in and dusted and there was actual
cleaning and polishing that happened on some of the the like floor tiles and walls here so it
looks way better because the the barest of maintenance was done here zedek all of your
defensive armaments are gone the great pillars of uh misused clothes all of the biofungus you had
to ambush intruders
no doubt it has all been gone what do you oh no don't take them all away us that was a trap for
the other people who come into my room mostly you but uh do i find any like skeletons uh no no no
the uh the only other thing you you you note is that uh the bed has clearly been used
like if someone slept on it recently yep hasn't been made like someone got out of it and
probably
in the last like day or so they've been sleeping in my good bed he really liked it too he said it
made him feel better than you to sleep in your room your clean room and emerging from a box
phrasing uh in the corner is a is a tiny rattling one belba creep foot
ah finally
my chef of security what has happened in our absence
the thinky man came on board he uh tried to control everyone on the ship
didn't didn't care about me though said i was too small used his mind trickery on everyone else
then he brought us here
i see what is his intention
don't know i think he's at the stratagem along with ransom probably the tot
hostage situation perhaps took a shining to the child don't know why
hmm
uh lord yeah i of course trust you immensely
belba but we must be sure
lawn can you tell if she has been at all touched or psychically altered by
let me find out lawn will come up to belva and i guess i'll
the way you said that i assume you're yeah i assume your eyes like crackle with energy as
you turn to her let me yes come here you little little marmot a little rascal she just looks up
impassively as though awaiting your uh your nine successes on science science okay um yeah you like
reach into into her mind and you can like see the the fragments of what uh of what she's telling
and the truth of them that defuck ruby came on board and once once libergo defucker b came on
board all all of the crew immediately fell uh to his his psychic powers except belva
who remained unnoticed uh hiding in her cardboard box uh and then then seemed to take the taut with
him who who resisted uh didn't seem to really like you also catch that defucker b came on board
with two others um a woman in like fairly uh ostentatious power armor and some sort of
hulking brute in black uh black armor
a hulking brute like um who was it perhaps any studies
uh well that was what lauren saw so i mean you don't really see that he's oh he's diving in with
his psychic powers there i'm sure pie was just kind of looking at the back of lauren's head just
peering in yeah i was yeah i was looking at that hole that i screwed in the back of his head and
there's there's a
there's a there's a section of the back of my skull which is like a kaleidoscope
let's uh
did you find your medical tools yet i think uh oh
i did you reba you're really rooting around my room for stuff you think i took from you again
yeah yeah that's just a collection of things i'm looking for something in particular what's that
uh thurston can i talk to you
can i do a quick investigation to try and find uh i don't know what the i don't know what the
specific term is it's been forever since i've actually done anything 40k but like uh zedek
would have had like an all access key of some kind around here presumably oh of course of course
zedek kept like the spare key probably like i don't know taped to the bottom of his bed or
something like that yeah give me an investigation so i do really care about that yeah i don't want
yeah give me an investigation
all the information i learned to the party perfect uh i'll give you a seven with a wrath critical
oh absolutely so yeah you like reeb you instinctively you know where zedek keeps
his backup key his fake backup key uh and then the double backup key just in case he
loses the backup key uh you're you're able to to to to go looking but as you're you're
looking around you can see uh all of these these items are missing
it's better he got ransom to talk ransom told him pretty much everything son of a
bitch well mentally dominated like all the other crew well except for the machine lady
of course she's the only one who wasn't uh the question becomes why would she give her
what she wants
um
oh he'll this is the problem he let her repair the ship
what do you mean captain that could have been used by you if you'd done this earlier
i what do you mean let her she could repair anything at any given point in time i just
chose not to do it myself because i'm not a carpenter i'm a handyman
well i guess with uh with what little support he could offer her she managed to get all the
internal uh defense
systems back online that means the main arterial to the strategium is is a kill zone full of
turrets and weapon emplacements of course it is you know something just occurred to me
go on if gamu was sending you maintenance requests why would she need to do that i mean like
why would she need to delegate to you to get delegate to her to fix it
i think you're vastly underestimating the amount of incompetence and fuckery that has gone on in
this ship from you in a lot of instances yes you know it is a big thing to be able to do that and
you are taller in this moment than you have ever been before wow thank you i feel really good about
that
don't worry
shut up
but i've been finding ways there's a way for you to get where you need to go
you just have to go through the sewer system again a lit a third time we've been down there
enough times it should be easy captain you say that but the last time we went down there we
fought even
more bad things. There's going to be even worse
things, because he's on the ship!
No, no, think of it this way.
Think of it this way. If everything up here
is clean, and they actually give a fuck
about the ship, then that place should be
maintained and sparkling
enough to eat off. You say
that, but I pretended
it was okay and totally ignored all the
problems before, and you see how bad it was.
Well, Captain Zedek
and Lorna
will put her hand on her shoulder. We're looking
at someone who's an evil
incompetent, you know, asshole.
He's not incompetent. Don't assume
that. He loves
scrubbing his shit clean.
So, I think he'll be just
fine.
It's a mighty bold assumption
to make, Lorne.
I mean, look what he's done so far.
Underestimating
our enemy, who should be able to make it this
way, and having so many things
wanting to kill this man,
we have to at least be a little bit careful.
No!
The battle against the green, mean
machine men, that
that was our wake-up call.
We underestimated our foe
and we did not plan tactically.
Now we have a chance to rectify
our mistake and gain vengeance.
I'm going to reach into my
suit, and I'm going to pull out
Zedek's handmade little
gold star and slap it on
my chassis. Okay.
I am Piebrain, chief of
security on the debt collector,
and I will see,
our duty is seen to.
We need a tactical appraisal.
You recommend the course of communicating
with Gamu and getting her on our
side. Do you have any
aces in the hole
to make her work alongside
of us? What? I didn't
say that. I said she got everything
she wanted. She's repaired
the ship.
That's
great! So what would you
suggest?
I think your only option,
is to have the showdown in the
Strategium. But you're going to have to
go through the sewers. Now there's a couple
of my potato squad that are still
unaffected.
Wait, potato squad?
The elite squad.
Oh, yes.
The Rattlings have been training since we
arrived here.
They're ready.
Lauren would like to do
like a check around the room
to see if you can see how many more of
her squads in the room.
Yeah, give me an awareness test, absolutely.
Just look around going,
how many of them are here?
Lauren got a three
and a complicated. Also, I didn't
change my dice because these aren't working.
Keep going.
Yeah, so...
Okay, this is
great.
So,
yeah, you...
You are able to realize that there's
probably like a half
dozen more Rattlings that have taken
up stations, some behind curtains,
some like in drawers,
like little eyes peering
out at you from all sorts
of different angles in here.
The complication, however,
is I'm going to use this one that was just
recently submitted from Zeros, which is
overwhelmed with excitement
of their victory. The character cannot contain
themselves. They must give a good old-fashioned
good game slap.
Uh, to one
unsuspecting NPC or character.
In this case, one of the Rattlings you spot.
Ah! Ah! There's one there!
They're everywhere.
The Rattling just looks at you and like,
Yes, we've been waked.
Get it? Get it? Like,
like, I can't imagine
one's kind of like Spider-Man, like
way up high in the curtains.
Oh, yeah, like somehow it slithers back.
Or on the wall.
Like the fucking thing.
Yes.
Holy crap.
There's more of them.
I'll have enough to help you storm the
Strategium if you need to take it by force.
Belba, you've really outdone
yourself this time. I see you've
worked on something you told
me a long time ago and put it into
practice.
The longer you keep a potato
in the dark, the more eyes it gets.
Then,
she pulls out an onion and bites
into it. Crunch.
Crunch. Crunch.
Exactly.
Alright.
You'll need to take
that access panel there and like,
she points to clearly this like,
small
like ventilation shaft that'll take
you down to the sewers.
I've marked the path where you need to go
with onions and potatoes. You've just gotta
follow them.
Question. Yes.
If there are ratlings following the
pipes down to the sewers, and they're marked
with potatoes and onions,
have you told them to not
eat them?
I did it myself.
None of the other ones have been down there.
They don't care about us ratlings.
We can walk through the ship normally.
You're gonna have to go down there.
Okay. Is there any
other insight we should know
while we're making our way
to what is surely the final
end?
A little confrontation with
well, you know who. I'd rather not
give him any more power by saying his name.
Well, you remember
those, uh, that little infestation
that was happening down there in the
sewers? Yes.
Yeah, he cleared that out. It's fine down there
now. Oh. Of course he did.
Why wouldn't he?
Oh, that sounds actually really
nice. And then she
like, like, waves with a hand
and gives like a strange, like,
whistle and all of these ratlings,
about a dozen of them all, descend
from, like, different areas or come out
of, like, drawers and boxes and
assemble by her. All right.
Good luck, Captain.
And then she, like, leads her unit
out. Wait, Belva!
She
stops. That's one nice thing.
Now, Thurston.
I am
going to spend, um,
a point of wrath for a narrative declaration.
I believe now it is time
to activate
Operation
Screaming Death Worm.
And I am going to
go to a secret
cubby in Captain Zedek's room
and pull
out a great big black
box.
Um, and I'm going to open
it. Now, the narrative
declaration is, Pi
has set aside a plan
in case one or more of the
senior staff had gone rogue
for him to quickly be able
to eliminate them.
And in this box
is the equipment he
would have used. Ideally,
inside of this box will be
frag grenades. However,
I do not have that ability to really say that I've
done it because I haven't put in the work for it. So, whatever
you want to be inside of this box
that Pi might have chosen
to have be there, I'm
empowering you to give it to me.
So, I just want to point out that, you know,
you make this whole, like,
description of, like, this is the assassination
box that we use to assassinate
people. Also, I would like it to be
full of grenades. Yeah,
fuck it. Sure. Roll me, roll
me a d6. Roll me one
d6. That's good. Well, you
see, to Pi, a stealthy assassination
is a grenade. Yeah,
apparently. It's grenades that he
would put under Zedek's bed.
Why? In
case he turned evil. Because it's funny.
You get one frag grenade.
You get one frag grenade for this.
Hmm.
It's a one frag grenade and a bunch of IOUs.
Um,
I just assume that it's, like, one
frag grenade, but, like, the interior
of the box has, like, perfectly
carved laser, I don't know, it's
battle foam for a frag grenade.
Yeah, it's just, like,
on the top of it is, like, a really detailed picture
of me killing a bunch of,
like, fucking aliens
and, like, robots, and it's, like, all in crayon
and colored pencil, and it looks
really cool. There's, like, a sticker of Zedek's face
that was clearly drawn by Tater
Todd on it, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Hmm. I realized
I totally forgot
about this.
I'm going to take the single frag grenade.
Yeah, that's par for the course.
Well?
Man. It's a really cool box,
though, guys. Take a look at this. And then Belba, like,
disappears. You did a great job.
Yeah, yeah, Belba's since disappeared.
All right, I'll,
like, stow the Lemurian
and crafted hand grenade
in my pocket. Somehow I'm more concerned
than it would be than a regular frag grenade.
Lemuria creates the greatest frag
grenades this side of the galaxy.
They create a lot of things that I've yet
to see, Pi.
Yes, that is because they are useful
only in Black Ops projects I am not allowed
to tell you about.
Okay.
Terrific.
Into the sewers!
At that point, you were, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You were, you were entering into the, um,
the vent and then making your way
into the sewer system.
To the sewers, and to the sewers, to the street,
to the street, to the, fuck, fuck.
So. Stub my toe.
Yeah.
Uh, you make, you make it out of the vents after
about a 30-minute crawl
session, uh, during which, uh,
Lorne's old man bones
begin to creak and wail.
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, God.
Did you tell your skeleton to stop screaming?
Stop it, skeleton!
I hit myself.
How much damage did I do?
Uh, I don't think this is back.
Yeah, when are, when are we gonna, like,
get our days ruined by that severed hand again,
Kirsten?
Just wait, just wait, God.
Severed hand?
I've got a lot of things.
Don't worry about it.
I got a lot of, I got a lot of grenades
in the air right now, okay?
No, they're only in his pocket,
and it's only one.
Oh, trust me.
Trust me, there's more than that.
All right.
So, you exit out into the, sort of,
entry area.
Area to, uh, the, the
sub-spinal sewer system
that you, you cleared out several times.
Um, when you emerge,
you can see some of the walls here are blackened.
It looks as though someone had, like,
made extensive use of a flame weapon here.
Ooh.
And, like, burned away a lot of different things.
Uh, it would, it would actually look clean
were it not for some of the charring
that has taken place here.
Um, and, like, as you enter, you can see
that there is a servitor that is engaged
with one of the cogitator units here,
and its head, like, turns, and it kind of gives
this greetings commentary to you.
Hi, how are ya?
Hello.
It turns back and, like, seems to go back to work.
Right, right, right.
Just a natural, just a natural.
Just, just, don't, don't look at,
don't look into its eyes, but you can.
Right, right, right.
You might be able to, uh,
gather some information from the servitor.
Oh, that is so right.
Yeah, you can, you know, just, you know,
check in and see what's happening.
What?
Do the manual override thing you do.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Hey, our servitor
0-1-0-1-1-0-1-0-1-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1
Imagine just, like,
Mongolia Throat singing
ones and zeros, like, 1-1-0-1-0-1-0-1.
I mean, frankly, I was expecting
just, like, punch through its head.
So, you're making a tech check to do what?
I'd like to interface with its
con capacitators and understand its records
of the last few days. Give it a kiss.
Yeah, give me a tech check, please.
Okay.
Where?
Southern Quadrant.
servitor is now online
and i need to add the one
for my fucking combi tool
hey that's seven successes
my friend
perfect perfect i like that that's good
all right so you're able to to interface
with it correctly can you uh
give me a willpower test
of course i can
but will
how much how much uh
all right i'm gonna spend glory here
because whenever we wind up
rolling will it's always really bad
well there we go
oh six successes
and a point of glory right
back nice okay terrific work you're able
to interface with this uh this unit
um there's like some brief feedback
on the line but uh you seem
to to get through it just fine you can
see that it is a
maintenance uh servitor
but it has since been uh reprogrammed
to uh
basically do patrols and
validate the integrity of
all the cogitator units here you can tell
it's just in the the process of finishing
up this one uh but it's basically
patrolling through the sewer system
going from like wall mounted
cogitator to wall mounted cogitator making
sure it has all the latest cogitator
updates and all of the uh latest
changes to it um
it's also been
given rudimentary access
uh through like physical and genetic
records that allow it to open
some of the sealed doors here
okay uh can i
program it to follow us and not
report our presence
oh yeah absolutely with your tech check
you can obviously do that yeah
yeah
easily do that i should say um
yeah so you you go ahead
you you make the adjustments it kind of
detaches from the uh
from the wall mounted cogitator
turns to you it's lifeless stare
its eyes sort of wide
its head cocked to the side waiting
for you to go where you're going oh grime and firewalls are always so substandard
all right let's go after you and i follow it like just just kind of plods along with you
all right and we're going to begin moving onwards um towards uh following the yellow brick road
which is i assume is probably a little flaky and brown by now yeah uh you find yourselves uh coming
you find yourselves coming close to to the area you were before where there's sort of like
a canal of sewage here and then there's the large sewage processing machine
uh by this point like you can tell that some of the old impromptu uh like wooden bridges
and stuff that had been set up here have since been removed um but but you continue
advancing uh eventually coming to a kind of larger space you remember the sort of unit you
had previously been working on um yeah the unit you'd previously been working on uh like very
early on in your careers uh the sort of recycling unit which is now operating at full efficiency you
can see the water being churned and all of the detritus being removed from it that's what it's
supposed to look like yeah and
as you're like like entering into this area you can see that the the servitor has stopped following
you uh a couple meters behind to interface with one of the cogitator units here
uh is is this something that is beneficial to us
i don't know it's it's part of its like regular routine that it stops at cogitators to to
interface and check for updates and stuff okay does it receive any updates uh well it's it's
just updating the system so you can tell that it's like manually jacked into into the wall of the
wall mount and cogitator you know it usually takes about like two minutes or so for it to
complete its uh its interface gentlemen let us uh wait for this here if it does not report in it
may appear abnormal and alert people of our presence i'm more alarmed that you're thinking
so strategically at this moment pie well i am have to go
after all a a formidable war leader we'll call it there and uh and and and its mouth begins to
open up and and like you can see there's like little arcs of of like electricity coming out
of its arm and and and like as you see this like a metal portcullis comes down and cuts you off
from it and it's just continuing to and and and and like the the the the the the the the the the
there's a brief moment where the servitor starts to lull to its left and you're seeing this through
this deep the bars of this portcullis that have come down and and and and for like the briefest
moment its its face seems to adjust into a smile and my legs and then it falls over smashing onto
the ground as an alarm as an alarm system begins to blare through the sewer system
oh for fuck's sake how bloody hot is it to get an exorcism aboard this damn ship very you know
that is the one thing that i feel good about because not even defuck me did it right
and you start hearing the sounds of rushing feet uh from the opposite side of this sewer system
well uh let's see what are the different areas is there anywhere we can like quickly dart within
can we like break
off and like enter into like uh a way to avoid this combat or uh like side you're you're kind
of in like a very like sealed area in fact just as this happens like you can hear the footsteps
and things crossing the corner let us switch to this and what you see approaching you is a host
of soldiers wielding stub weaponry you recognize them as the torellian dog soldier
they appear to have like rushed down they kind of have this droopy sort of like listless look to them
holding their weapons and you hear this there they are woof we must get them woof damn that's
defucker b those were pretty cool guys we have to kill
defucker b
defucker b
what is it?
and clearly like yeah uh lorne's shout echoes through the sewer system just over the the thrashing of the device and that's what will open up combat who wants to go first
why is it that we keep finding ourselves in the same damn alcove for the sewer
alcove delta seen a lot
it's always a lizard do you notice that it's something lizard like every time they just
happen to not be actual lizards worms are not lizards
they're slimy and they they scrabble them out like the terrellians goes
yeah go do it
i'll go first
it moves up and takes a shot
no no no no i'm going first
no you were all talking fuck you
i was trying to be polite and wait my turn
lorne sees the initiative
yeah do you want to spend a glory to seize the initiative
no no fuck you i was being polite and wait for people and you asked a question everyone else was talking and i was gonna pipe it and do it
that was a good one
lizards
i'm sewing me reaping lizards
lorne please go
telekinetic dome
i'm seven successes i do a dome i can't shift anything so i'm selfish as hell about it
yeah and then i basically move up this way all right into my turn
good i will go
this little dog soldier comes up this little dog soldier raises its rifle this little dog soldier
um fires at my brain uh this little dog soldier
flip the coin
um
this is terribly with this step carbine rolling one success five failures
and a complication
and a complication
oh yeah the the complication is um that yeah the weapon champs on this point
so he's a hello uh that's his go who would like to go next
uh i think i have no use pie definitely yeah i i'm going to uh can i try to make an athletics chat
over here
over here
to get over here like jump that's like 40 feet
like jump that's like 40 feet
like jump that's like 40 feet i'm a robot okay um okay so
i'm a robot okay um okay so
i'm a robot okay um okay so let's let's learn about i mean we're only
let's let's learn about i mean we're only
let's let's learn about i mean we're only this far into the campaign let's learn
this far into the campaign let's learn
this far into the campaign let's learn about jumping together
about jumping together
about jumping together because i don't like learning but
because i don't like learning but
because i don't like learning but i don't like learning learning is for
i don't like learning learning is for
i don't like learning learning is for nerds and i fucking have three episodes
nerds and i fucking have three episodes
left i'm not i refuse to learn anything new oh shit it was like damn it okay well uh i guess
i guess get wrecked then um okay you can certainly give me a athletics test uh i'm going to say that
this is going to be uh particularly difficult um would it be less so if i like went to here and
jumped well i can probably go to like right here yeah like if you want to go to there i'm gonna say
it's probably like a difficulty six check here that's a little too rich for my blood i just
wanted to get some cover so instead i will just move up and i've got the plasma gun and i'm just
going to uh give a shot to this uh dog okay the the further away one okay cool yeah yeah um so we
we do it i was about to like warhammer fantasy like okay now i'm going to click him so that way
i target him he doesn't look like that does it yeah here we go uh would you say this is short
range yeah it's just in short range excellent so prepare yourself for this oh boy there you go
uh okay that's that's uh eight shifting three sixteen plus that's supercharged no okay
i was not supercharged cool yeah uh you you splash him into complete and utter oblivion
uh yeah he's not shooting at me thurston yeah i only i only overcharged to read
yeah it's because he loves it
fuck off okay um yeah all right well who else wants a taste do a thing here
nice cool uh this hops over
no moves up to there wait and where's look up on his jumping rules he's a fucking
he's literally jumping like two meters go fuck yourself
uh he's shooting a thing at the pi brain because pi brain just fired a miniature son and they're
pi brain drew aggro
by doing uh global taunt well i am the time he misses okay your defense five yes in which
to shooting okay yeah i'm defense six in company in combat okay yeah all right yeah he uh he
misses
okay uh who wants to go next i'll go yeah you better go my long range capabilities are
long since gone because i traded away my last gun hi pi i'm gonna kill this guy if it's
sitting in front of us okay oh okay zedek have fun oh work pistol time let's go
it's going to let or are you ready to leave i'm waiting for my year to go come on do the
things do the funny roll
motherfucking do you have it pop you have the window popped out i do you've got it popped
up back in you got it pop it back in it's all right i've got it i've got it up with
me you've got it up with me yeah you're gonna do it you're gonna do it you're gonna do it
I've already reported the boom and say like hey, I don't know why it's having this much of a problem when it's popped out, but
You gotta use one window my friend. Yeah, you can click pop in. I'll bring your sheet back in then you can roll normal. I
Don't have any work here
That's good, this is fine
Okay, okay, I'm just gonna fucking roll the weapon skill. Oh, it's cuz you don't have it equipped go into your gear and click
Oh son of a bitch
Oh
Yeah, that explains it
Zedek is making finger guns at the target. Here we go
This is my actual roll
five successes and a complication
14 damage
Shifting one
Oh, do you want to do two
I'll take two if you give me one
I haven't seen it yet. There it is. There we go. That's really good
Okay, he takes the shot he looks incredibly wounded but takes the shot and then as far as you're terrible terrible
I'm gonna use this one from little alien. Oh son of a bitch that son of a action
I'm enrollment же
Jonah
I'm�
I'm contrasting you be able to see to the skull
Someone you together
but if you let me
Yeah, so you can hold the sword
I can either
You'll have to do the same
误
It's not that
きます
Erro
I'm sorry
I've
I've
I don't have
But I have
I don't have
You have to move, double your movement
and make a melee attack against something.
Okay.
He can do that.
Alright, I will go.
These two
will move up to...
Actually, I don't know.
That still has to be one.
Hello, I just moved up to there
and is going to shoot at Zedek.
Shoots one of their
stub guns at you, Captain Zedek.
It does not hit.
It misses, yeah.
I haven't tear a bad one lately, but whatever.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, and that's it.
These are some great troops
you hired, Zedek.
Hey, I hired them, but I didn't
mentally dominate them.
You didn't vet them.
Well, yeah, I can't afford vet bills.
Thurston.
Sorry.
Sorry, I wanted...
Lauren wanted to basically kind of scapegoat it.
It's not their fault, everyone.
If we can try to possibly
make them unconscious or something else,
I could probably try to re-subvert
what the fucker may have done.
I can't hear you
over the sound of them
reminding me of that man.
Imagine Tater Todd walking
these doggies.
I can't...
Tater Todd, no. No.
No, the fucker be...
No one's going to corrupt that.
I can't but me.
Papa, fuck me. There's a doing to transpiring
down in the sewers. I think it's
my own daddy's.
Hey, Thurston. Yes?
We're in the sewers still, right?
You are still in the sewers, yes.
So I'm assuming that because the whole system
is now functional,
that we are in an area
that may or may not have an immense
gas bill, yes?
I mean, there is the potential
for...
for some methane pockets
to exist here.
So I'm going to
narratively declare...
I'm going to narratively declare
that Mr. Man
over here, who is within
my range roughly,
is standing near one.
He's near an
outflow pipe, let's say.
Perfect. Absolutely.
I would like to ignite it
with a quick puff from my flamethrower.
Yes!
Yeah, give me an attack roll with your flamer.
Mark yourself down the wrath point
and I'll give you a bonus for this.
Yes, that is under...
I had one wrath.
Combat.
I don't
have any more gear.
You have to go to your gear and click the equip button.
There you go.
Thurston un-equips my equipment.
I didn't un-equip it. I think it's
just this update included equipment rules.
Equip rules.
Cheers.
I am actually more mad. No, I am not.
He is a much better...
More mad.
Rull.
Three.
That's successful enough?
Yeah, that's going to be enough to hit you too.
Okay, so now I want you to roll me
3d6.
34d6.
3d6.
I will give you nine.
Yeah, okay, so two more.
So you're going to do 12 damage and set this guy on fire.
The fire is going to...
It's going to be particularly brutal and it is
going to seal him down immediately.
He is the dead.
If there's one thing that's good at least, it means
that everything is running as it should now.
Yeah, okay. And so with
that, the next one kind of like
pops into here.
Actually, he's going to try to make
an athletics check.
What is not
noticed is the...
He kind of like lands there.
But what I think
is especially interesting is that
I may or may not have caused some kind of
cascading damage through that outflow pipe.
I mean,
you know.
Someone's toilet probably exploded by now.
Someone's toilet somewhere is going to detonate.
Yeah.
Okay, so this one
that's like hopped in the water, it's like now up to its waist.
It's kind of like awkwardly using its
gun. It's going to suffer a penalty.
But it is going to still try to shoot
at Captain Z.
Can I spend a wrath die for a narrative
declaration? Okay.
Despite
DaFuckerB cleaning out
this horrid sewer system
seemingly very thoroughly,
it seems that one sludge rub didn't get away.
Oh,
okay, okay. And it just so happens
to be
attracted to where that dog soldier fell in.
I like it.
I like it. So I'll say
he has a minus, or you
get a plus two to your
defense, which will mean he will miss. The shot will go
wide. Oh no,
there is something on my leg.
As he is like
mentally now like distracted
attempting to hit this thing.
Worm!
Worm!
Worm!
Oh, worm?
Lizard. Leech.
Sort of bloody worm.
Oh, nice.
They're basically doubling over to there.
They're not shooting.
Yeah, okay. So that's it for
all of these fine fellers.
Round two. Who would like to go first?
Still suggesting a combat class.
Do it. I would like to
barrel headlong towards that dog soldier.
The wounded one or the one in the
water? The one who is directly in front of me.
Oh, okay. I would like to
propose mine.
I'm okay with spinning both my wrath
to try to do this.
It's applicable. It's basically spinning
both
declarations to basically
try to use
the thing that happened.
The thing with the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The totally good choice you made.
Yeah, the totally thing that no one else knows about.
That, um, that normal basically
kind of sit down and I guess I can try to do science science
or just like a psychic mastery test to try to
basically disable
the influence
that the fucker has on these dog
soldiers. That's to basically go like,
you're no longer in control, everyone. It's
okay. You can stop trying
to kill us and we can save you
and you can help us.
Kind of deal. Like I show them
I try to lift the veil.
And say, like, you're being mind control kind of deal.
Be a psychic mastery.
Absolutely. Give me a psychic mastery.
Also, just to make sure,
you've got two.
Did you mark down Rebs and Pies
from earlier, their wrath points?
I marked myself down one, yeah.
Yeah, no, no, I just meant on the overlay.
I wasn't sure if people...
Yeah, the speaker only has one. The Arundel has one.
I now have none.
And Zedek still has his.
Actually, no, Zedek, you used one, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Alright, cool.
You only do a psychic mastery or a science science?
Psychic mastery.
Okay.
Cool.
And rolling.
Hopefully it all works.
I got a seven.
Yeah, so you have enough
to pick two
of them to
remove the veil on you.
Can I add the couple
of glory? Is that okay?
For everybody?
Yeah, I mean, I'm cool with it.
I'm just asking the party, you know,
if it's okay.
Yay!
Do it!
Crazy man.
Truck freak.
And one more.
Okay, three. Sweet, yeah, you can pick one more.
So, a total.
So, uh,
so three total?
Yep, you can pick which three.
Okay, I'll get the two on the bottom.
And I guess the one
right in front of us, so you guys don't have to
I would not advise doing that.
I would not advise that.
Okay, so
the two on the bottom and the one in the farthest
back there.
Okay.
Yeah, they're like, you can see they become a bit more
eminent.
Captain Zedek, you've returned!
Woof!
What is going on here? Woof!
And then, like, the one that's in the water
like, fighting with the grudge.
Oh no, it appears they have been
corrupted. Woof.
Alright, uh,
so that was Lorne.
And that, and then I will
move up.
Okay, uh, this one is scrambling out of the water.
Like, getting the grub
off.
And, like, clearly is still
trying to lay down some fire.
Takes a shot
at Captain Zedek.
Pow!
There we go.
Um, five successes
in two?
Uh, yes it does.
Okay.
And a complication.
Yeah, it'll get a complication.
Uh, but it'll do twelve points of damage
to Captain Zedek as a solid
slug hits you in the chest.
I will determination that.
Absolutely.
Here it comes.
Nothing.
Nothing.
So this, like, solid slug, like,
hits you in the chest.
Um, and...
I will soak.
What's your resilience?
Uh, ten.
Oh, so then you're only gonna be taking, like, two damage.
Yeah, I'm just gonna...
Um, and, like, the complication is that, like,
clearly the slug scrub is still, like,
attached to his leg, and so
he is going to take some
damage from it from that is,
like, atting him.
No, no. Okay.
Um, yeah, and he seems
like to, like, turn. Oh, no!
And, like, start smacking down on it.
Alright, who would like to go next?
May I?
I would love to see Zedek go beast mode.
I would love to also go beast mode.
I need to go all out just this once, Master.
Forgive me, I'm going to unleash my secret technique.
Oh, fuck.
Zedek's gonna do a Rasengan.
Zedek, do not open the eighth gate!
No!
Nobody takes the boy from me!
You took my boy!
I'm going to attack this.
I'm going to attack this, man.
Okay.
Oh.
I'm gonna, uh, I'm gonna
wrap that. Yeah, that seems
like a fair, uh, fair choice.
Keep fighting, Zedek Rasengan,
full metal alchemist.
Keep fighting, Zedek Rasengan,
full metal alchemist tater tot.
Jesus!
I don't understand that reference!
You're tied up
into a weird dog chimera.
Just keep fighting.
Goddammit!
Um.
Shao Tucker did nothing wrong ever.
Wow.
Uh, I, like,
Seven and a grip.
Seven and a grip.
Okay, you'll get the glory and you just, like, murder this, this poor, poor dog soldier
who has, like, one room left.
Good night.
I'd love to, like, flavor it.
Like, you just, like,
Don't you take my child!
His eyes go wide!
It's like,
He just runs up to him, plunges the power saber through his chest, and just, like, grabs
his heart.
There's clearly that, like, there's clearly that, like, moment where Da Fuggerby's veil
has lifted, and he's like,
Uh!
Uh!
What's going on?
And, like, Captain Zedek, his employer, just murders him.
Excellent.
Good job, Zedek!
There was certainly no way to reverse that on that one.
He is the first of many!
I assume Zedek's bloodlust is now over.
Uh, yeah.
Uh, that was a one-round thing.
Uh, who would like to go next?
Um, I will go, if that is okay?
Absolutely.
I'm going to charge at this poor, unfortunate soul.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I gotta reconnect to the thing, by the way, because it's not updating.
There we go.
I'm going to, uh, trying- seeing that the spell seems to have been lifted, I'm going
to, uh, grab- try to grab this guy, and try to, like, make him go unconscious rather than
just, like, obliterating him with my weapon.
Go ahead and chokeslam him.
Yeah.
Is it possible- should I- I could chokeslam him, or I could hit him with the blunt part
of my sword, whichever you think is more likely, and less likely to have us pour through a
rulebook for six hours.
Uh.
I mean, like, yeah, I'm not going to let you- like, I'll let you make a- a melee attack,
you're just not going to get your AP or power field or anything like that if you're using
the blunt end of your power weapon.
Okay, cool.
So-
Because otherwise you'd just sear his face off anyway, so.
All right.
So I'll just roll my power sword.
Roll my power sword, I said.
Okay, thank you.
You're rolling.
I'm going to just roll.
There we are.
So that will be nine.
I'll shift one over.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
And, uh, I guess that'll just be my strength plus two?
Yeah, that will- that will knock him out.
Excellent, yes.
Good.
Now he's even more knocked out.
Now I'm just going to grab his head!
I'm just going to smash it against the wall!
I'm going to be like, sorryiih!
And I just kind of watching it crumble down.
You know what I mean, in the Marvel movies where Iron Man has like that Hulkbuster with
that fist, like it's just beheading Hulk, like .
That's what I imagine you're doing, but you're grabbing his head and just- to the wall, just
going .
Like, go to sleep, go to sleep.
Yeah, I just grab it.
It's just like activating plunger function.
It's like a fucking pile driver.
Something emerges from the tunnel to the north.
Oh.
It is big and is causing the water to slosh as it moves through it.
This kind of, like, draconic drake figure with some sort of, like, weapon mounted on its back.
Like some kind of, I don't know, rocket launcher, grenade launcher type of weapon comes out, is looking around.
Actually is probably going to move there.
And that, like, turns the corner and sort of, like, pause.
And it lets out this horrific bellow as it takes a swipe at you, Piebrain.
This thing looks, this thing reminds me of something.
It looks very much like a wyvern from Warhammer Fantasy.
It looks like a funny, looks like a funny epic mod that you would see in Dark Souls where they put an RPG on the back of the drake.
Yeah, very good.
Wow, that looks really cool.
Yeah, it's going to take a swipe at you.
From that distance?
No, it is technically adjacent to it.
I don't see it.
Ah, I parry it.
Well, I'm going to spend a rune point to reroll that.
Thank God, he uses his fucking rune points for something.
Yeah.
Don't go at him.
I want him to use them because it makes fights interesting.
Why are you using the Benny Jezzer voice on him?
Hey, that's what.
Uh.
I will only get five, though, and you're six in close combat, right?
That is correct.
Yeah, okay, cool.
That doesn't complicate.
Oh, it does?
I was to stay on your role, you are cursed.
Can you be a character for the next thing, which is that?
What, me?
No, I just want that grody-ass voice Hokey's doing just to be like,
you know, that's not going to be Riverwood.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
So it, it, it, it, it, uh, it misses and it complicates.
Uh, the complication is that like, as it's like rushing around,
there is the snapping sound as like the rocket launcher on its back,
like tumbles into the water.
Uh, can I, instead of making a counter attack,
I could grab the rocket launcher.
Oh my God.
Can I grab them?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We can narratively declare that you grab the rocket launcher.
Narrative declaration.
Grab it before it falls in.
Okay.
Yeah.
You've,
you've got this like strange grenade rocket launcher thing all right we should take care
of this please hey wait so uh thurston i changed my mind can we learn jumping so pie can rocket
jump which one of you fucks wants to go next i think it's you rave all right you got it uh so
where is this thing because on my screen it's over there yes it is it's over there yeah how
did swipe at him from there because i'm over here and his arms are long yeah yeah yeah you are
yeah you're fucked and you're in refresh again yeah damn it what you're talking about king
crimson what you saw what just touched you that was your future self sure
pie brain going just like a poke master thing if you're wicked and i can possibly release its charm
um
you
that won't be a problem
cool let the fires of reed embrace you
it's not a long-range weapon it's a flamer so what are you doing
shit what like you give me such long-range battles oh my god
god forbid it's not all close combat for once you could heal zedek
you
you you you would have been able to set these guys on fire if they weren't our friends now
yeah i don't want to do that they're standing next to the outflow pipe i don't want to set
that on fire more than i already had you could do it anyway sorry for these turbulent times
this is awful i'm going to correct the han dynasty is doomed are you ready to leap all right i'm
speed six i can't get to zedek unless i like just run at him pie can jump i'm not jumping across
i'm not jumping in the sewer reed is in the sewer i'm not jumping across the sewer reed is in the sewer
reed is not up for that jump i can jump yeah high jump good to
okay bye
yeah that's the end of my thing because i can't i'm still i mean i'm in range i guess but i would
also hit pie probably uh yeah you can do that i can see what you're you want to hit it without
hitting zedek there yeah you've done some curvy physics bullshit with fire before you can do it
it you can do it yeah i am not prince zuko fuck off just as they have curved the bullet you can
curve the flame all right fine can i take a penalty to not hit zedek uh yeah i'll give you
like i'll increase the difficulty by one on my end so just roll it throw the fire that's pretty
good yeah you can even shift it a bit but you probably don't want to because shifting it would
just hurt zedek so yeah roll the damage and uh i did oh and a complication yeah that's right okay
so template uh and then it can be a complication the application is i hit zedek
no
yes all right but at least let him shift the dice no that's it's all this fair and loving
bullshit i'll i'll let him
complicate me striking zedek anyway i mean it's it's like when it's like when you uh
zedek it's like when you go agility test oh man i'm not very nimble so yeah
someone at home needs to be keeping count of who's hurt the party more times
pie or reed it's like when you've got a it's like when you've got a hose and you're like
watering the plants with it and then there's like just a little bit of like a hiccup in it and
there's like a little shoot off to the side okay uh you're only gonna take one wound as a result
basically
like the flamer causes you to have to dive out of the way like up against the wall scraping
yourself a bit uh but like you don't you don't get caught on fire excellent work zedek now i have
dealt five ten fire damage yeah it seems like thanks shrug that off but it is on fire now so
that's cool all right all right uh okay so i'm gonna go excellent work
now come on and now there are two of them
this one comes like gliding down the sewer tunnel uh with its strange wing wingspan a second one of
these creatures emerging and as it lands it turns and it's like scaly eyes seemingly again having
this this glassy look in them uh looks and then it like rather than like lunging with its melee
weapons it kind of hunches down in the water and like points the uh the device on its back um
and it's going to
to to fire
uh some kind of uh this old base device i can't help but notice he is also on fire
oh yeah i should change i think it's because they don't do unique tokens and that's weird
uh but oh yeah weird okay all right just leave them on fire we know which one is it
yeah yeah yeah here let me let me let me go i see what i did but whatever um
okay so so there is a uh a terrifying blast he will hit the the the necessary uh square
which will basically affect zedek reeb and lorn as a fragmentation missile lands basically about
here and like smacks all of you in the radius oh boy all right hold on so you can attempt to um
dodge which is basically like using a full defense action to reduce the damage but then you
don't get the damage you want to get the damage you want to get the damage you want to get the
attack on your turns otherwise you're going to take 14 damage uh i'm imagining my my turn at the
end was not the beginning of a new round was it no okay so yeah i can't full defense so
you can as a reaction it's kind of weird but you can do it as i think it would just stop you from
acting next turn in the best interests of being able to repair the party in the event that this
goes south i'm going to save my move and just eat shit okay
so you'll eat 14 points of shit captain zedek uh yeah so let's try and fucking top it out
okay lorne i'm gonna be tough all right so i think lorne you take eight points but then you
get determination yep yeah determination here we go fuck uh since no one asked can i put some glory
on my determination ah well i don't know it's good
discussion point here uh well how many glory do we have i can't i can't look at the stream because
it's eating my oh we got three all right i will take all three so i can avoid death and keep
everyone alive ideally cool throw that's a lot that was six successes i managed to shift oh but
that'll put me at fucking five shot damn it i'll put me at zero shock yes well i'll let you like
say you take four and keep one shock well no
hold on hold on i oh you got gallows i do pie it's it has written right on it point this end
towards enemy not towards friends and gallows humor very good on your turn though which is
not right yeah he'll get it back smelly well it was a funny joke that i will posthumously allow
to affect the party i will i will take i'll take it down to zero and just take exhausted for now
because i really don't want to soak all that damage
you already applied it okay how are you how are you looking i have like one moon left beautiful
i love it okay cool uh so that that's was that any ap uh nope there's no ap it's pregnant okay
so that would be resilience resilience eight so that's down to six so i take one wound and five
shot yeah it's like missile corkscrews lands like
in between the three of you explode
sending like debris and fire
over everything you're all
pretty pretty beat up
okay start of the next round who would like to go
first can I go first and patch
up more
please
uh
I can try my
best to just you know
make sure one of the beasts are not
controlled on my turn because we don't have any glory
right now and
I can go full bar
there's no glory with which to
stop me from going after
precisely the
precisely the problem is that like
if we end up with like oh yeah
someone looks at Lauren funny and
hits him for one point of damage is like dang
good out of action
DM did the uh non
brainwashed dog soldiers go
uh no yeah
they basically lost their
last round
oh okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
yeah
if you can't if you want to
because if they fire at me
again like they can just one
shot me anyway so
I'm sure they won't go next
well it it's one is
attacking pie in melee and
lost its rocket launcher the
other one has a one-shot
frag I presume
that's as far as we know
because knowing Thurston
they will shoot at us again
if he blows a ruin
to throw a missile at us
I will
fuck you too
Zoran
we'll uh
we'll cross that bridge
when we come to it
I'm going to roll a
medicaid a patch up
one
okay
okay
do it
uh
hold on a second
actually let me think
how much did Zedek take
I took only one wound
okay in that case
I'm going to attack
first
I'm going to throw a fire
can I point something out
that like may be
important
here
remember like you can do
as many actions as you want
and you have unnatural
medicaid so if you
that's exactly what I was
about to get to
cool cool cool
yep
uh I'm going to attack
first with a flamer attack
at this fella
okay
you have to declare it
all first
so tell me what
I'm attacking with a
flamer at the dragon
who is already on fire
which we know
and
apparently has his
rocket launcher stolen
by pie
yes
with the
with the express effort
of just getting rid of it
and that way
when the other critter
can attack
that'll be not at us
uh
and then I will
throw a medicaid
towards Lorne
using all my powers
available
and I think
that'll be
it
I can move
you can also heal yourself
oh wait
I only took one wound
that's right
that's right
why am I
why am I listed as
oh that's the shot
right
uh but yes
all right do it up
okay flamer
going out
at target
whoosh
hey that's a pretty good shot
but that's a complication
yeah it is a complication
uh you do another
do I hit zedek again
uh
why
why must you tempt me
well he's out of the way
so it won't work
so sorry
no no no
um
I'm going to say that
for the complication
uh
what it is going to do
is
probably
it's you know
I'm going to go with an ammo
it's going to clip
one of your ammos this time
because you've been using it
a fair amount here
yeah
that's fair I guess
all right
so I'm down one ammo
I'll have to reload
good
uh
then you want it to medic lorn
yes
lorn barms
lorn barms
get med to mckay
it is time for you
to be healed
you smelly
smelly barms
yeah
smelly boy
that's dubious
um
is it worth me
rolling four
yeah
I'll wrap it
kill
that's your last breath
that's fine
I mean I got a
I got good value out of it
I put it up to
nine successes
nine successes
okay
uh
okay so I think
that gets
because it's mostly
sadly for medicaid
based on
shipping right
so
I think that gets
in the bag
so you're gonna give him back
not many here
just
won't give you two here
I think technically
it would only be one
but whatever
okay
so that'll be
two hit points healed
back
yeah
two wins back to lorn
congratulations
enjoy the ability
to survive a slug
thank you
which will probably be fine
because we got one
okay
um
and then I'm going
I am going to go right now
I am going to go with this one
oh by the way
that was like 12 damage
yeah I already marked it down
good
I'm going to go with this one
okay
and it's going to add Pybrain
with Klaus
it attack you with Klaus
this one is not
wounded so it go Klaus
Klaus
I can't roll fucking dice
so
that was a 3
I'm going to spend another rune point
because bleep that
rune
rune
roll it
I get 2 more
still 5
so still 1 shy of the prize
because I can't roll
yeah that will be his go
I will counter attack now
perfect okay
here we go
you rolled
13 dice
and got 1 success
hey I'm going to re-roll that boss
very good
because Shad just gave you a wrath
so here you go
also
hmm
hmm
hmm
well I don't want to complicate
nevermind
your next turn in turn into fucking damn sails
your next fucking roll like I do
ah there that's much better
oh embarrassing
so abjectly embarrassing
alright
so I think that's going to hit a 10
I'm going to shift to 3 I imagine
defense
oh yeah 3
okay
here we go
4 and a 10
additional 3's
so that is going to be 17 AP 3
okay it takes it
how's it looking
kind of hurt
kind of hurt eh
yeah
I mean it's a big thing with a lot of wounds so
understandable
so it's kind of hurt
it like it's bleeding
you've cut it up a little bit
um
like rub falls hammer
I'm going to go with that one
I'm going to go with that one
I'm going to go now
this is the real dark souls
I would like to seize the initiative
oh would you
do we have a glory
yes
yeah we have 3
would you spend the glory for that
yes I would
mark yourself down the glory
then mark me down a rune point
fuck you
hi friend
he
he should be close to out of rune at this point
he is
he has one rune left
you know
I do have one rune left
uh then I'm going to have this
this other chonk boy
who's on fire go
um
just
just
gonna
just
take the
he's just gonna take the uh
the flame damage
uh so he'll take
3 mortal wounds
cool
he's looking not as good
but hey that's fine
uh and he is going to
attempt to bite into pybride
many have tried
exactly 5 have tried
there have been um
a certain amount of people
I don't keep track
ah
oh boy
he might have hit me
oh wow
okay
uh yeah
so that'll be
10 successes
yeah
you're 6 right now
yeah
it's a good show
bye bye
whoa
oh my god
I'll do 18 points of damage
AP
uh 2
that's your opinion
of the amount of damage
thanks
um
I
I love the idea
that the first one
like
the the the
the one that rushed forward
fired the rocket
turns
wheels around
towards you
by
goes to
like bite
but you
you counter swing
and like stab it
and damage it
and then the other one
that is on fire
just leans in
and like bites you
in like a
biting into a tin can
yeah
okay
to your determinational
indeed
behold it
all right
so I will be able to soak
what is with these rolls
holy shit
that was
you don't mess with
py brain
um
so that'll be all your shock
and then
yeah let's see
so um
I'm taking how many
18 you said
uh 18
well
sorry uh
yeah 18
and then AP 2
now you mitigate 13
with your resilience
yes
so I got uh
mitigating
so that's going to
bring me down to 11
uh
I'm going to take
from my shock
okay
so that will
you're sorry yeah
so I'll be down to
1 shock left
and that'll take the rest
as wounds
um
okay
and
so that will be
uh
golly
so sorry
all right
so I'm down to 2 wounds
and 1 shock
awesome
all right
um
now Zedek
you may go
cool
I'll proc the
joke from last time
so I'm just gonna
I'm gonna
so everyone gets shock back
is that
correct
I have to roll a fellowship
for that though
that's right
we have to roll one
or you have to
I do
yeah okay
oh wow
good for you
that's a good one
uh
yeah
it's
icons plus rank
so 3
plus
no
there's some uh
your last
I don't know if you
remember me telling you
your last weapons
go sort of complicated
uh
I don't think you said that
uh
no I did
I 100% did
I
I heard it for the one
like a while back
but not for
no I
I said it again
it's okay
it's just for next time
we can do it in the next one
okay
all right
I'll get rid of my exhaust
because I
I had this one
complicate
and its weapon fell off
so if there
was another one
there was another one
and I did say it
but I don't think
anyone listened
it's okay
and after
after the joke
uh
captain's gonna go
run up to the big boy
get away from my friend
you
barbecued
by you
bastard
and he'll attack
with a power sword
captain that's not the one
that's on fire
the other one is
shut up
that was very funny
all right
we're rolling high today
7 and a crit
uh yeah
roll me a 2d6
for that crit dog
hey guys
how's it feel
to roll high
oh
foreign
static
I'm poking fun
hush
hurt me
hurt me
uh
okay
I'm referring
to the pathfinder game
I know
I see what you're doing
or 31
I don't know
better
uh
I'm trying to find
the thing
that I need here
the
the
the
the
the
the
the
the
the
the
the
the
the
just
there
I
Sonic
whatever
the hell
I
whatever
bring
Get him back.
You don't get it.
All right.
I'm going to move up like here.
And then I'm going to narrative declare again.
And try to remove the influence of Dufacil from these beasts.
And try to end this combat as much as possible.
That's okay?
Okay.
You can try it.
Do it, dude.
Okay.
Blow it away.
I'm going to do it unbound.
Okay.
I like it.
Blow it as much as possible.
Okay.
Let's see here.
I'm going to do this so I can master it.
And then I add, like, three.
Three dice.
Yeah.
Three die.
And then kaboom.
There.
Oh, I critted.
I didn't get a single.
Actually, no.
Yeah.
The last three would be it.
The three, three, and the six.
Because it's a bonus die.
Because it's like a master.
I don't get to roll the thing.
You can tell that the one closest to you is kind of, like, cowing its head now.
And, like, seems to, after being stuck in the head with a saber, kind of, like, and its head is bowed.
And it's kind of, like, no longer interested in this anymore as some sort of cloud has lifted from it.
Good.
Well, I've got one.
All right.
Good luck, everybody else.
Hey, good luck, everybody.
We're all counting on you.
These guys are going to come over here and shoot the one that's on fire.
Wow.
Okay.
Both of them hit.
The first one.
Oh, wait.
No, not that one.
The first one.
Yes.
The second one will hit.
Nothing.
Okay.
And, yeah, bounces off.
And that is.
Okay.
That's it for them.
Has everyone?
No.
Yeah.
No.
Not the great and powerful Pybrain.
All right.
Well, I counterattacked it, so I can't move.
I was going to jump on the Hydra's back, but I cannot.
So, instead, how bad does this fucking freak look?
Pretty bad.
Pretty bad.
All right.
I am not a psychic, but I am very shrewd.
Um, could I attempt an intimidate check because it is so weak and close to death to potentially
break it out of its fucking stupor since it's a dumb animal?
I mean, you could certainly try.
I could try, yes, but I could also try to, like, cure diseases by drinking liquid mercury.
Is there a chance of success?
You can try.
All right.
That's what I like to hear.
You don't necessarily have, like, a skill.
Like, if you wanted to, if you had a skill of, like, knowledge on these types of creatures
that you would want to do to give me, anything is possible.
Anything is possible, but all is forbidden.
Um, I don't have enough in my, in the tank to really, yeah, I will try to save this creature
or his life.
Um, can I pump the last glory into the booth?
Everybody.
I'd really rather we hold on to it.
That's not going to be enough to be even remotely worth.
Yeah.
I, you know what?
I don't disagree.
All right, fuck this.
I'm just going to hit him and hopefully, uh, ah, he looks pretty bad.
Why don't I just try to take him out?
I'm going to do another, um, now he's a monster.
No more, uh, hitting him with a power sword.
Fuck it.
Ooh.
Okay.
Ah!
Ah!
Ten successes.
Yep.
You can shift three.
I will.
I will.
Ah, so I'll do 13 AP three.
I mean, I think it just adds to the damage, right?
And I don't think you need it.
I'm going to spend a rune point real quick.
Okay.
You have one left.
Cool.
I just need one.
He is alive.
Barely.
Uh, then that one will counter attack.
That's rude.
Okay.
Remember this one will complicate.
Yeah.
Uh, let's see.
He is wounded.
That was, um, I guess I'm going to get the full.
He's going to go down right now.
Okay.
Ta-da!
A rule!
And, uh, I will miss, probably, thanks to my, my, my terrible failing.
And then he will complicate, uh, the complication.
Oh, gosh.
Melee combat complications are always so much fun.
Um, let's go with...
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
I'm going to go with this one here.
It's called, uh, I Watch Over You.
A single sniper shot rings out, killing or maiming or otherwise disabling the, uh, the foe who failed to strike.
As it goes to bite it, you vibrate and you've managed just to dodge.
And then there's this ka-twang!
And something hits the side of its head.
And, like, the beast collapses down face forward.
Uh, and, like, like, from the shadows to the far south, you see a retreating ratling.
And I will salute my chef of security!
Thank you, creepypasta squad!
And, um...
And then the, the other, like, Turalyans are, like, you kind of see them all looking, but then, like, they all start, like, collapsing.
Like, the strain of this has just...
Has just caused them all to, like, fall unconscious.
Same with the beast that sort of, like, moves down a little bit in the water and then just sort of, like, slumps.
Uh, it would have been really cool if we could ride them into the control room, but...
Uh, yes, eh?
Love-y?
Um...
Can I try to, as it begins to slink off, just reach up and grab its rocket launcher?
Uh, yeah, absolutely.
Uh, you can get it.
It's, it's basically, like, an impromptu missile launcher.
Uh, it's, it's a one-shot, there wasn't another round in it, so...
Um, so there's no...
Would it take my grenade?
Uh, no, it's a missile, not a...
Wait, no, did, uh...
Didn't Pi get the unloaded, or the loaded one?
He's got the unloaded one.
Pi, he was trying to get the other one, because he wanted to get the other one.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Um, but yeah, no, only one of them has a frag...
Frag...
Frag missile, specifically.
You see his handwatch, I knew it.
Uh, I'm going to toss...
I'm going to toss one to, uh, Reeb.
Toss one what?
Uh, one of the, the unloaded one.
The one that doesn't have a round, to Reeb.
Reeb, if we happen to find any more ammunition,
I believe you would be best suited to carry this for now.
Why are you throwing me an empty tube?
Just put it on the ground, Pi!
Because you need to catch it so you can carry it!
It's pretty heavy.
Like, I won't lie, it's, it's like,
it's, it's a decently heavy, uh, item here.
Uh, fine!
You can carry it, no problem, but, like, asking the others to, like, carry basically the tube that in some cases is probably up to their chins.
That's fine, I'll carry both of them.
Um, is it possible for me to, like, pull the trigger on, like, the one that is loaded?
Or do I have to, like, improvise a trigger mechanism?
Uh, you'll be able to fire it as though it were a weapon, but you will, uh, basically, whatever you're firing at is gonna get a bonus to being hit against.
Because, like, it's awkward for you.
This is meant to be, like, mounted on the back of a heavy thing.
I understand. I will make this count.
Um, yeah, and I think, uh, I'm going to go ahead and, uh, happily stow these two on my person.
Well, gentlemen, it seems as though the day is saved.
Ah, but we might have been noticed by, um,
security on account of security coming to kill us.
So what do you all do?
Uh, why don't we just give up?
Oh, okay.
Um, now I'm, uh,
Bad ending. Bad ending, yeah.
I shoot them.
Okay, no.
Like, you can tell that, like, the path that these creatures came from is still open. Like, you can head that way if you'd like.
Yes.
And then we will proceed to the sewers.
Reeb, you must tend to our wounds, and then we will proceed forward.
Ah, very well. Everyone gather around. Come on. I don't really have the patience to go inspecting every little inch of everyone. Come on.
Yeah, you can give bas- you'll have basically enough time for, like, one check on everybody, including Lorne.
Okay, I will make three checks.
Okay, tell me who you're doing and, yeah.
Uh, start with Lorne.
Okay.
That's not impressive.
Oh, yeah.
And it's a complication. It's actually quite terrible. Do I have a wrath attack yet, Zorn?
Uh, no.
Alright, so.
Alright, well, sorry.
It's still a success. You'll get one point back onto Lorne, and I will come up with a complication in a sec.
Um, give me one for Zedek next.
Sure.
Okay.
Medicaid again for Zedek.
Medicaid again for Zedek.
Oh, yeah, of course. Give Zedek, the guy who lost one of his cards, a check.
Oh, yeah, of course. Give Zedek, the guy who lost one of his cards.
Give Zedek, the guy who lost one of his cards, a check.
Yeah, he lost one hit point.
He'll give him three.
Wow, thank you.
He lost one.
And pie.
Medicine!
That's a bit okay.
Yeah, I'll give three to pie as well.
Uh, and yourself, if you wanted to?
Uh, fuck it.
Yeah, I mean, there's no reason not to, I guess.
Yeah, that was a complication against Lorne, by the way.
Yeah, no, no, I'm just figuring out what I want to do.
Goddammit! Why did I get a critical on myself?
if i took one damage because it's how it works the the unfortunate part too is that uh so you
complicate it on mine your second one should also complicate because someone donated for that to
complicate and then it says that it complicates your third one would be okay and then you create
okay um all right yeah it's like so as you do that i'm just gonna catch regeneration on myself
very good i'm going to uh to to call this uh this one which is probably like the complication
is that um the party is introduced to a new book in the zedekit companion series
entitled calvisius comedy a grimdark guide to gallows humor
so uh i i assume uh captain zedek has this uh this terrifying book on him
yep yeah he does and so the complication is that like you all have to endure him reading from this
this comedy book that he has written
um so i'll just let i'll let hulky figure figure that out uh as he's reading terrible
comedy to you and then the other one uh the first one onto lorn um
lorn uh that will come up like like you you're patched up a little bit but something feels
off right now uh and as you are like finally medically like repaired and uh at least as much
as reeb can tend to you you continue to make your way through the sewers until you reach
the next doorway which rather than like having to go to the cogitator and activate it
now that you no longer have the servitor the door opens to reveal a towering figure who emerges
in front of you as gamu 4224 steps through the passageway and let's take our break here
time to take a break with that we will be right back everyone yeah and we have come
back i think we were engaging with our fine towering monstrosity of a tech crease
yeah gamu 4224 has emerged uh at the the end passageway of the the sewer system on board the
desk collector she emerges and like splays back to her full size the sort of like dresser drawer
that is her base uh opening and shutting with clanging sounds as her various mechadendrites
and arms raise up
yeah
gamu 224 we meet again 224 whatever
ah for goodness sakes can't even get the numbers correct
thurston may i please for the love of god roll the persuasion to reduce your irritation
go ahead
yes gamu we're back and yes we brought pie please just for a moment hear us out okay
give me that persuasion do we have glory
can i please use them yes no okay you got it try asking again all right i roll i've taken all nine
all three of them we're at nine all nine of the glory
you had one rack
please let me try that again uh yeah you get seven 76 you can re-roll
miserable i wonder if he added no he didn't well that wasn't one two three three more
it's a five that's pretty good uh gamu like continues to have her like splayed limbs up
you brought pie brain with you
why are you here
because gamu we are here to take back the ship from defuckabee before he does something absurd
thank the ominous ire you have returned captain zeddick
she like meekly rolls up towards you
i understand now i understand that perfection is not true
True, true bliss.
If everything is perfect, there is nothing to do.
And if there is nothing to do, then the mind goes to dark places.
And I have been in very dark places for the past several days.
Everything is fixed.
There is nothing to do.
I understand now.
And then she, like, moves over towards Pi.
I understand now why there must be a Lemuria when a Cryo exists.
There must be perfection, and there must be the opposite of perfection.
It is the only way the Omnissiah's true plan can come into fruition.
Super perfection?
We'll discuss that later.
Okay.
Well, that's good.
And, you know, Gamu, I think that was a compliment.
Ah, you know, it's okay.
You have been very mean and nasty to me and to Forgeworld Lemuria.
But it is okay.
It is okay because you are not shooting us with a melter gun,
and I do not have to shoot you with the frag launcher,
and we can be a shell in the fallen...
Yes, I am terrible to you because that is how things are.
Look at the symbol of the cock mechanicus.
There is one side with great bionics,
and there is another one that is simply a skull that is rotted and terrible.
This is the union we must have, Pi-Brain.
Well, I'm not terrible,
but you have a face that looks more like a skull.
So long as we can convince each other that we are both a cog,
then maybe we can have a working relationship.
Lauren leans over to Captain Zedek and goes,
Oh, they look like such a cute couple.
You know, I don't...
You know, fine.
Sure.
Shoot your shot.
Shoot your shot, Gamu.
Yeah, you go get him, girl.
And he just starts clapping.
Gentlemen, we have a very pressing matter to attend to.
Can we worry about this?
As he waves his hand towards the sudden chatter that's happening between the two fucking tech folks.
Yeah, I imagine Pi just has one giant, you know, one of his beefy claw hands,
and one of her enormous, like, metallic, less beefy, but metallic talons.
They're just shaking in the background.
And that's just what's going on.
Can we deal with this later?
Yeah, and half of our fan base is leaning in, going,
Now, interface.
Okay, yes.
I've got a headbutt.
I rolled a headbutt, Thurston.
Very good.
It's a very long-range headbutt.
I have a long neck.
Good.
I require you back, Captain Zedek.
I require your incompetence at the helm,
so that I may be understanding of my own perfection in comparison.
Good.
I must assist you.
I must assist you.
It is the only way.
Captain Zedek will pause.
Take a moment just to think of what's going on,
and just put a hand on her cold, unfeeling, metallic figure.
Gamu, it means so much to hear you say that,
and to admit that you need me.
And I give you my word.
I have missed the social construct designated by many as bullshit.
This is good.
I give you my word.
I give you my word as captain and rightful owner of this ramshackle ship.
I will make this place a mess again,
and you can clean it up.
Praise the Omnissiah!
Yes.
Praise the Omnissiah, yes.
Yeah!
Paisa's gonna be taking out, you know, like, like, like, fucking Lemurian cogs,
and spraying them, and getting one of, like, I guess the refuse baskets of Gryon scraps,
and taking one of those, and just throwing them everywhere,
in celebration, as he performs the Lemurian dance of invoking the machine spirits of interpersonal relations.
And, like, with that, like, Gamu turns and begins, like, her strange, like, almost hoverwalk toward the exit, looking around.
I cannot wait to clean this Lemurian mess up.
How I have waited so long for things to do.
Lauren knocks over a cup.
Uh, wait! Before-
I'm sorry, go ahead.
No, that's it. I just knock over a cup.
Shit.
Like a cat.
Somebody stop me!
Wait, wait, Gamu, don't leave.
We need something from you.
What? I am taking you to the Strategium.
I assume that is where you wish to go.
Oh, yes, very good. Yes.
Onward, never mind. Continue.
You may follow me.
Is it, uh, we have heard word that there are, um, terrifying turrets and other defenses on the Strategium.
Is it possible for you to rewire them?
I have already programmed them not to harm any of you.
You will simply have to deal with the interim captain.
Hmm, give a curby.
Oh, we'll more than deal with him.
Good.
We cannot-
Who?
Who?
Yes?
I know we've never spoken much, but may I ask a favor of you?
Interesting. I have truly missed these strange interactions with little meat things.
Explain.
Well, since you have the turrets programmed not to shoot us, I believe we have turret systems inside the Strategium, correct?
That is correct.
And throughout the ship, if you could help monitor our locations from wherever you can, could you assist us in battle or for anything with activating the turrets and, you know, maiming, you know, stopping anybody who tries to escape?
Or if we're going to any more combat encounters, if you could help us out?
I will travel with you to this end.
Thank you, Gammo.
Wait.
Wait.
I look at Reeve.
We'd still need to gather materials for this. We're not going to just blindly wander up there like this.
If he's powerful enough to turn the entire crew against us, there's no real reason for us to logically just stroll up to him and try and take him on as though he's any random jobber.
No, but you remember what happened with the psionic force before. If you kill the psyker, then the effect ceases.
Yes, but while that's happening, the people he has control of on the bridge, possibly a Lieutenant Ransom, the command staff, the security staff, the others that are not just the turrets Gammo has rewired to not fire on us, we would still be putting them at risk.
And that's not something I'm overly keen on being stranded out here without anyone to control the ship.
We need to think of some...
Gammo, does the Turbolift still take back up to my medbay?
Ah, yes. The fully repaired laboratory is prepared now, yes.
Oh, finally! I don't have to do that damn garbage myself.
Very good.
I have an idea.
If we can get to my medbay, I may do that.
If we can get to my medbay, I may do that.
I may be able to produce some kind of...
I may produce something that may inhibit it, or maybe be a kind of knockout gas or a calming agent that I could dispense.
I'm not sure.
I would need my supplies to find out.
We could attempt this, yes. I can take you there.
Very good. That'll be one of our first stops, unless anyone else can think of anything that we could use.
We may require some kind of heavy weaponry. Perhaps more rockets.
Perhaps more rockets. Or even a... a notar weapon, if you have one that is not in use.
I am not a purveyor of weapons on board this ship.
I know someone who is, though.
All right, he might have all of the weapons we've given him. That astrophan.
Yeah.
Winnicrevet certainly has a sizable quantity of equipment with him. I can't imagine that Defuckaby simply let him have all of them.
He has five guns.
Yeah, I think back to all the weapons we've given him.
Yeah. I think back to all the weapons we've given him.
I think back to all the weapons we've given him.
A radium pistol.
We did give him all the surplus equipment we picked up, unless Captain Zedek misplaced it in his fat ass.
Damn!
You listen here, I will shoot you again.
He says, turning away, and then it's like the germa ass at it.
Fuck you!
Damn, that's where he's keeping the weapons!
Everyone's making fun of me.
Everybody's so mean to me. That picture's out there. That picture's out there.
If we are discussing, if we are discussing locales to travel to, I can only avoid suspicion for so long. You must pick one location that we can go to.
Yes, it is likely for our most advantageous defect to not allow Defuckaby to potentially understand Gamu is helping us. The quicker we take him out, the better. Are we confident with what we have now?
I would say so, in terms of weapons.
We really need that edge, in terms of keeping the organic components off of us.
I agree. I've probably only got like one more rapid fire left in my plasma gun. Typically, I imagine I would be able to reload by coming back to the ship, but we haven't really had that chance.
Is anyone else at like a deficiency of ammunition?
I've got two reloads left, but that's it.
I'm good.
I'm not fully healed. If we have any med kits here that could potentially-
Well, I mean, we're going to the med base.
Yeah, we're going to the med base, so, you know.
That is true.
I imagine Thurston wouldn't be so cruel as to make me roll just a 10 to medicate you in my med bay.
He says.
THURSTON!
What? Huh? Okay. Yeah, so you have Gamu lead you back to your lab.
I'll keep quitting!
All right, so you travel with Gamu 4224.
She leads you through some of the lift units and brings you to this perfect lab.
In fact, it looks eerily similar to the chambers you saw in your warp-based vision read.
As you walk in and the lab has been completely like reconstructed and has additional units.
Yes, it worked very well here.
Everything was prepared and handled too.
Exacting specifications.
Gamu?
Yes?
The... the individual... the fuckabay.
He came aboard with another individual, did he not?
There were two additional units with him.
I presume that the reason this med bay is spic and span right now is because...
That other... one of the other individuals is using it, correct?
That is incorrect. It has not been used.
Really?
I believe his exact words were something along the lines of...
If I find that Reeb fellow, I will bring him here before he dies so he can see what true bliss looks like.
Heh, quite a statement.
I'll keep that in mind when we engage him next.
And if I die, my last thoughts will be of this very nice med bay.
Hm.
It is much better than I remember it.
Ah, very good.
Um, Gamu?
As you're... as you're looking around, there is something missing.
Oh?
I think... I think Reeb can already immediately tell. I'm assuming we don't have the, uh, the giant tube.
Correct.
Alright, so the... Reeb's, like, individual he's been trying to rescue his whole time is obviously not here.
Reeb will notice this.
Yeah.
Seems he's absconded with the tech priestess. Do you recall what happened to her?
I remember that the unit that utilized the term bub a lot transported it to one of the shuttles.
Hm. Any reason or itinerary behind that?
I was not privy to such things.
Eh. Supposed to be a problem in a bit.
Well, we can't exactly go down to the hangar.
We can't exactly go down to the hangar bay right now. We have to take control of the strategium.
Well...
Reeb will lace his fingers together and crack the... crack his knuckles.
Alright. Let's take a look around here and see if I can't get a psyblocker going or some kind of aerosolized anti-psychic measures.
Hm. Yes. Ah, and also if we could, um, fix the giant hole in my, uh, body, that would be good.
Yes, yes. Just lay on the...
Well, this is a rather nice platform.
I suppose.
He's going to run his hand across the, uh, new and improved med bay bed.
It's so nice.
Alright. I assume you're taking the opportunity, though, to heal everyone as well using all this spic and spam new equipment?
Yes. Do I have to roll for that?
No, I'll give it to you. All of you, get your wounds back.
Woo!
Yay!
Yeah!
I'm regenerating!
And I lose shock. And then I get it back. Then I lose shock. And then I get it back.
Then you get it back.
That's so powerful.
Is there any chance to try to heal my traumatic injuries?
Uh, no.
Traumatic injuries are permanent, I think, right?
Uh, generally speaking, yes.
Yeah, that I'll say.
What a shame.
Uh, yes. So if I may, Thurston...
Yeah?
Out of the supplies available, presumably some bastard reorganized all of my equipment. Meaning I don't know where it all is.
I mean, you've got a good sense. It's... it's like... it's like this perfect order. Like, it was plucked out of your very brain.
Yeah.
very brain the exact
order you'd want things in.
It's just labeled.
Yeah, which just equates
to labels.
You know those brawler labels?
Captain, you said we didn't have the budget for a
label gun.
I lied.
You're a bitch.
I'm a cheat bitch, excuse me.
Same difference.
I'm going to
what would a
I'm imagining a Medicaid would be sufficient
for creating some kind of
compound that can be
used to not shut down
psychic emissions, but maybe
dampen them
if I were to throw it as a grenade or something.
I mean,
you could come up with
a knockout gas thing if that's what you're
looking to do. That would be helpful.
Yeah, give me a Medicaid test.
So your difficulty here is
seven.
Actually, six.
Mars is going to take the
church back back off of
I think it was pi.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
It's now lodged between
two missile launchers.
Yeah, I have church carrying one of them.
Speaking of abominations
against science and nature.
Just leave her there for now. I'll tend to her
when we're done with this business.
Or if not, to fuck her, we'll probably just throw her
out into space anyway. It doesn't matter anymore.
That would be annoying if that happened, yeah.
Well, more
reason to not die then.
Mm-hmm.
Alright, let's take a look here.
Hup!
Eight.
There you go. Eight, yeah, absolutely.
You were able to create
basically, like, two
grenades that would inhibit
senses. Probably, like,
knocking someone out if they failed
a toothness test.
Okay. Alright, so here's the plan
with these. We will hold up the
containers, which look eerily similar
to a glass jar with
duct tape, a whole bunch
of gas inside it, a pin,
a screwdriver, and a number of
other pieces of shit he's assembled together to create
some kind of rudimentary grenade.
You take one of these,
and if there's a cluster of individuals
nearby that we don't want to kill
or don't, you know,
don't want to kill,
basically,
we will take these and we will inhibit
them with it. Throw it at their
feet, and ideally, the gas should
have an effect that will knock them unconscious.
I would advise doing so for,
uh, the individuals who
are responsible for manning the helm,
and ideally ransom if he's up there.
Mm-hmm. This is understood.
I will grab one.
Rebold, toss the other lightly in his hand.
I know it's got a good throwing arm.
What would you roll for this out of curiosity?
Ballistic skill if you were
tossing it. Uh, Zedek,
what the fuck is your ballistic skill?
My ballistic skill is six.
But if you put it on a stick,
is it, like, weapon skill?
Yeah, absolutely. I hate you.
No, I'm gonna...
I guess I'll keep the other one, because my ballistic
skill's seven. Yeah, my... Actually, you guys
both have a better... The door opens.
Rebold, ready the gas grenade.
I will ready the rocket launcher.
Stop it! And pokes his staff forward.
Meh. Shotgun. Meh.
Tsk, tsk. No, it's all
you guys. I'm glad you're all here.
I just had to come up here
downstairs. I'm gonna take fire!
Nick Revet. Yay!
Spaceship Astropath walks in.
There he is. Oh, you crazy
Cajun.
I had to come up here.
I hand him the empty rocket launcher.
What?
I hand him the empty rocket launcher.
This is the greatest thing
I have ever received in my life. Thank you
so much. You're welcome, my friend.
It's so
beautifully crafted and
has barely seen use, and this one
rocket that's inside it is
is perfect. I... Oh, let me just, uh,
I'm gonna grab that.
Oh. Sorry, we might need
to blow up someone soon.
Oh, are you going to need
this back? Because if you do, I can
hand it all back to you.
You can just have it. No, I...
No, keep that when we have a spare. I gave him
the empty one. Well, I
guess this will last me
and make me, make me
happy for a little bit, I
suppose. Thank you. This is good.
I feel safe with this, like I could...
cudgel someone to death with it.
You almost certainly could,
yes. Hold that feeling in check for
a moment. Astropath,
out of curiosity, has
da fuckabee relayed any sort of
message forward? What have you
heard across the show?
Uh, I've, I've received
several astropathic
backwash.
It appears there's several
people in the system now.
Several people in the system?
Uh, voices.
Many other astropaths. I thought
there were only supposed to be two ships here, but
there's more.
One of them is close, but I
I can't, I can't read it.
Troubling.
These ships,
did they, were able to pick up
any kind of information spoken
directly to you? Have they been able to see
you at all?
I think so. They're all,
they're all, they're all coming, coming here.
Oh.
Okay, we're just following back.
There's one that's close, real close. There's another one that's a bit closer.
Then there's, there's a lot of others. They're coming, they're coming
very fast.
Ty, give him back the rocket with the rocket.
No, no, he's, yeah, and he's like, you can tell, like,
as he's, like, relaying this, he's starting
to lose that, like, cohesion.
Like, he's worried, and the worry is now
manifesting in his voice.
I could have reached into the church's
pocket and pulled out if she had
a las pistol on her.
Yeah, clearly, clearly
there's less. Sure.
Mark yourself down a wrath point for that
lovely narrative declaration.
I also just assume
that, like, Pybrain doesn't
even, like, break stare. Like, he
just, like, his hand reaches over while
he's looking at Winifred. Yeah. Just, like,
patting the pockets, pulling out the las pistol.
Like, here you go!
And he's like, thank you
very much for this.
Oh, this one's very nice, too.
It's a Navy issue. I like it.
It's got a
fine grip to it. It'll make a good
addition to my collection.
Yes, there's many other ships coming.
I don't know exactly how many, but
astropathic communications,
they're all being very quiet about it.
One of them, the one that's not the
closest, but the one after, seems to
have been sending things out of system,
and it's...
I don't know what's going on. I can't hear anything
else. And then there's the larger
wake that's coming. I feel it.
It's a massive fleet that's
coming into the system. A fleet?
Utterly large, yes.
There's a soul on it
that burns so bright
in the warp.
A power I've not seen
ever in my life.
It seems to be leading the fleet.
It's a sad soul.
It's an angst-filled
sad soul.
You will have to send word to the
fleet. Perhaps this soul
is whatever.
Is controlling DeFocra be?
I don't think so.
I think it's a good soul.
It's just a little
sad soul. Oh, maybe it's just one of the
Primarchs.
I can go back down to my warehouse
and start sending
messages. We've got to go.
Okay, I'll go back down there
and start getting messages.
There could be more guns.
If I have more guns,
you've got an option to end it
with your guns.
I don't know.
I agree.
Then he just, like, turns
and, like, clearly starts walking
out. Like, I'm going to go back to my
warehouse and then you can find out what's
going on. I'll just find the messages, okay?
Yeah!
Yeah. Sure.
Sounds great.
Ow, ow.
He exits.
Remember your safety,
Chris.
Ow!
Remember to touch the weapon control paddle
for one of the main guns to make yourself feel better.
Wow, it made me feel better.
Touch that macro cannon.
It made me feel better. Okay, bye.
He walks off.
Sandy, where the hell did you find
these people?
I didn't. My father did.
What is wrong with your family?
Oh, there's a lot,
Pi. There's a lot.
Okay.
Gentlemen, we need to get control
of the strategium.
Quickly.
Every moment wasted is a moment that fleet is getting
closer, and I don't think the debt collector
stands much of a chance in our hands against it.
Correct.
We should probably get moving to
away from
any of the forces that may be wandering the halls
with the turrets and anything that can kill us.
Plus, while we're walking there, I could read
you some excerpts from my new book. I think I'll find
it quite limiting.
Oh, how I missed this.
I enjoy putting myself
on mute. Good.
I have missed this.
What excerpt
you got there, Zedek? Read one for us.
Let's see. I had one.
It is based off
my time on Hive Calvisius, so...
Here you go.
I got what I'd written down not too long ago.
Mm-mm-mm.
I gotta tell you. Oh, man, you are literally in the
Star Trek turbolift, trapped with him as this
is going on now.
I gotta tell you, in Hive Calvisius, you get
used to losing people. You're going about your
business toiling in the
mineral mines, and you hear your
classmate from years ago got eaten by a
Sumpcroc. I tell you, that lizard's
probably saying he tasted like chicken.
I cast
Crush on Zedek.
You see, you
leave us no time, Ryder, for
missing the quota again. The list
goes on. Hey,
distant relatives, your friends,
your siblings... I smashed Zedek
against the walls. Your mother!
With Crush.
But you know what stays the same? The tech!
It doesn't matter who dies or what
holiday it is. You better
get those crowns paid off, or you're gonna
end up as someone else's annual
Sanguinalia bonus fashion!
Gamu lets out a binaural
blurt. I missed this.
Before
we leave for good... Can you stop crushing me?
As Zedek... As all
of the blood is being crushed from Zedek's body,
um, I would like to pull
on Gamu's shoulder really quick and just have
a word with her.
Yes?
Very quick.
I have done
some soul-searching recently,
and I have come to
a strange conclusion, very
controversial,
but...
Elaborate.
Well, it may be the case
that Lemuria
did not
have the utmost confidence
in my abilities on coming out
here, and while no doubt the status
reports have clearly shown
them the error of their
ways, it occurs to me that
I may not have the full training
of a traditional tech priest.
Go on.
Now, listen here.
You said earlier that you
were willing to accept the point
of Lemuria as, uh, part
of the symbol, it was a metaphor,
whatever, and
you like picking up messes.
I have been trained in the arts of
destruction, and I am an excellent
destabilizer, whereas you
are rather skilled at
maintenance.
I would propose
a deal.
If we survive this
misadventure, I
would be very appreciative
of you if you could
perhaps aid me
in understanding what I
might have left Lemuria without
understanding of
the
uh,
rights of the cult
Mechanicus.
In return,
I can assure you,
I will be a dreadful
and destructive student, and I
will cause many problems for you.
It's...
good.
We have a deal, and I'll extend-
She turns and walks to the chair,
just binerically blurting,
becoming distinguished west.
Pl qualified to a
Nobel Prize in
mechanism and
cultures where
she's the purest
work of science.
She remembers her
past,
the duties she
left behind in
the builders
teaching,
and
was fantastic
while reverting
to
the
mission
of dismantling
chronicles
in the
original
universe.
Now,
why does she
spend so much money
Zedek clearly, like, tumbles out of the door back onto his strategium.
All of the crew in their stations turn to look at him.
Citizen Zedek!
Uh, Thurston.
Yes?
Excuse me, just a moment here.
Oh, no.
Pocket grenade! Go!
It's Zed!
That complicates.
Fuck you!
Oh, I just fucking wing him in the head.
Yeah, like, it, like, smacks Ransom in the head.
Ransom is going to roll a toughness test here.
Oh, damn it!
Chad did donate for a complicate.
Yep.
There's, like, a crack.
As you, like, realize that whilst your chemical mixture is good,
um, the delivery method seems to...
seems to have not quite activated correctly
and is only, like, spewed out almost like a foam instead of a gas.
Ransom looks down, looks up, looks down, looks up.
That was very nice, Reeb!
Welcome to the bridge!
Chad!
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
You could all come...
and pie!
Yeah!
All right!
I'm gonna walk up.
I'm gonna grab some of the foam.
Excuse me a minute!
And I'm just gonna shove my hand into Ransom's mouth.
Jesus!
Sure, give me a weapon skill test.
Oh my god!
I'm just going to shove my hand into Ransom's mouth.
I'm just going to shove my hand into Ransom's mouth.
hand into Ransom's mouth.
He's not having a seizure.
Sure. Well, I grabbed
some of the foam in my hand, and I'm gonna be
like... Yeah, sure, I know, I heard what
the fuck you're doing, you
psycho. Sure, give me the
weapon skill, Dad. It's insufficient.
Alright, seven successes.
Now swallow!
Swallow!
I'm gonna just shove it in,
shove it in. Please stop!
Please stop saying these words.
Okay.
He passes out.
We did it!
Alright, good job.
Who's next? Is he alive?
Should be.
Can I roll a medicated check?
I have a diagnoster, hang on.
Hey, Thurston,
I used my diagnoster.
Do not!
Diagnoster just tells me
if he's, like, dead.
Oh, that's that sort of
sermon cause of death.
Never mind.
Laura will come up.
The rest of the crew is, like,
turned and, like, looking in abject
horror as you've walked in,
literally thrown a terrible
parking grenade, had Pibrain
skin her up, like, put his hand
in the foam, and then shove it down
an old man's mouth, causing
him to fall down.
Can I medicate very quick
to see if he's dead?
Yes? I mean, he shouldn't be.
Look.
He better not be.
Seven, is he fine?
He's not, and in fact, you can get him back to
consciousness if you want,
with a very simple concoction.
Like, it's just probably stress
caused him to pass out.
Wait, so, no, I asked if he
was dead, and you said he's not.
Okay, so good. Fine.
I will, uh, reach down with another helping
of the foam, look at everyone else, and just
call out,
Now who else needs a taste?
Pye, stop shoving your hands in someone's mouth,
please. Okay.
And I'll take out the gun.
Jeez!
What the fuck?
Pye?
What are you doing with that?
Just in case!
Where is he?
I'm gonna look around. Where's the fucker
be? I don't think it was meant to be
administered orally. It was normally supposed to be
an aerosolized gas, but
I imagine it's much the same.
Lon's looking around.
He's looking around to see if the fucker
Like, it's just, like, the regular bridge crew
who's, like, turned around
in their desks, like,
the fuck is going on?
Back to your business, you know,
normal ship stuff, everything else.
Thank you, Ransomback. Can we just figure out what's going on?
We're taking control.
And I'm going to
scoot. Yay, all hail the old
new captain.
I scoot, uh, I scoot
Ransom over so that he's not
going to, you know, aspirate.
He can die. I get him from sitting a little bit.
Captain Zedek will scoop him up
over his shoulder. No, I'm doing
that so he doesn't choke. I know, I'm
doing it so he doesn't choke as well.
No, that will make him choke. No, it won't. Prove it.
He did go to medical school.
He went to alien medical school.
Take apart alien medical school. Are you an
alien, Zedek? Yes!
Then why...
Oh, how I missed this.
Okay.
Okay.
So, as they're figuring...
I assume, uh, Ransom
is, like, still
unconscious, kind of, on the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's, like, at this point, I assume, between Reeb
and Zedek, they've, like, propped him up
in, like, a chair or something.
Yes.
Yeah, that, right. Zedek, you remember
the thing I did to you?
I don't do to your mind. Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't like that. Yeah, I
wouldn't do that to him. So,
what I need you to do is help me
with the chanting, bitch, since I tried to do this,
a little bit more efficiently, okay?
That's what I need your help with, okay?
I need you to help give me
a nice Fenrisian chant
as I look into his mind and see
what he's been saying. Since he's been on the command
deck the entire time, it might give us some
information as to where...
where or what the fuck he has been doing.
Lorne. Yes?
This won't
hurt him, will it?
No, of course not.
Is that
a look over at Ransom
Unconscious?
Sorry, Dad.
Come on, Lorne, hurry up!
Oh my gosh!
I'm chanting to do
my shit! Fuck off!
I want to write that.
Yeah, it didn't help.
Nice second,
Mastery Lorne!
After his hulkies dropping the lore bombs
here.
I'm gonna reroll.
There you go, that's better.
We're slowly starting to doubt that psychic
powers exist.
And, uh, yeah, I only got
one more. That's a nine?
No, that's...
No, that's right. One, two, three, four.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a... That's a nine.
Yeah, I got a nine. I guess, yeah.
Uh, so you're able to...
Do you do, like, the projector thing where somehow
everyone else is seeing?
Yeah, like, my eyes
are just gonna be, like, wah, and everything else.
I imagine, like...
And there's, like, an image above both of us
to where we're just going through.
Oh, it's like a planetarium.
I imagine, like, some of the foam actually
turn into an aerosol, so it's like
when you project stuff onto, like, mist
or a fog machine.
I see Lorne Barnes' fog machine.
Alright.
I'm trying to see what he's been doing.
Like, what's...
What's been going on?
Okay.
So, yeah. So, this, like,
this, like, starts to create
these visions,
and the first one you see
is, like, clearly something very recent.
Like, Ransom is sitting
in the captain's seat, and he's, like,
you can tell you're in, like, his perspective
looking out, and he's looking
at Sleighburgo de Fuckabee
and de Fuckabee stares, and, like,
yes, well, I am going to
go down to the surface now
with my companions.
Please do your best
and stay up here.
Make sure nothing disturbs me
while I'm down there.
It would be most unfortunate.
And in the meantime,
you can be the captain
for a little while.
It'll be fine here.
Don't worry.
I'll be going down, and I'll be
taking this little bundle
of joy with me.
And, like, you look down
to see the tot, and
it's like,
do I have to go down to the scary
planet with you?
Yes, yes, little tot.
Come, come, come, come.
Let's go. We'll leave Uncle
Ransom to lead
the ship for a while.
And then, like, de Fuckabee
walks off, and
we see, like,
Ransom sitting in the chair.
It's like, oh,
all right.
And then, like, it seems
to, like,
everything seems to move very
fast.
And then, like, you're in some
other vision, and, like,
you can tell you're not in the
Strategium, like, center. You're in the
sort of briefing room.
And, like,
you can tell that Ransom's in there
with Belba, and it looks to be other
people. And they're
looking at some, like, some
dark shadow on the other side
of the room, and you hear this.
And they must never
know. Watch
out for them.
Let them do what they will do.
And then you
will be safe.
But watch them for any
signs.
And then, like, it seems to, like,
cut back again, and this
time you're still, like,
in the body of
Ransom, who is
clearly now in the lower necks.
And has, like, a
knife in his hand, and is stabbing
a crew member repeatedly
with it, like, looking down at the
blood, and then, like, looking up
and seeing something through
a grate on the far end.
As he's looking through the grate
and seeing a much,
like, a much
less damaged, spryer,
younger version
of Pybrain,
murdering someone else
in, like, an adjacent room.
And you just hear this,
Oh, I thought I
was the murderer on the ship.
Oh.
I guess. Okay.
And then he gets up, and,
like, then, like, we kind of cut back
to the bridge as, like, Ransom
is still just, like,
in the chair, and all of
you have seen this.
Hmm.
That's not what I was expecting.
Uh, I will, I will, like,
meta-wise, uh, from the
first day of this campaign, Ransom was
gonna be, like, a terrible serial killer
on this ship, but literally, the
first time you were able to do
anything on the ship on your own,
fucking Speaker's like, I'm gonna become a murderer
on the ship! And I'm like,
well, fuck.
I know I didn't
kill that many people!
You see, I told you I was attacking
the gang, the gang war!
If you review the record, I was,
I was killing gangers, mostly.
That's, that's why
every time I followed Piper
and I found other murders I knew
he couldn't commit? Uh, well...
I...
I knew
what the trail was with.
Well, why?
Why would he go murder people?
I mean, even I kind of had a
reason.
I had, like, one of the crew members' looks, like,
wait, you didn't know?
You knew?!
Of course we do! Why do you think
he was first officer?
Why didn't you
tell anybody? Why didn't you tell me?
Well,
because...
then he might have killed you!
If anyone
called him out, he just killed him!
That's why all of us never went for promotions!
That's how he got first officer!
After he, after he
got into the officer corps, he just
went down to the lower decks and we didn't care
about anything else!
If I came in here,
Captain, we didn't exactly ask him.
I don't think
that's fair. I think...
Why would he do this?
I mean, I get
Pi going down there, because he's
barely organic
in the least. He doesn't care about the
cops.
He doesn't care about the concept of
loss of life.
But why ransom? Why don't you just
kill crew members?
Because he started
down there.
Old habits die hard.
Wait, he started?
What do you mean?
I didn't know he started down there.
I've only known him as the first officer.
Well, yeah. By the time you came
to claim the ship, he'd already
murdered a ton of people!
Well, let's try Ruben around
here. Let's see if we can find some...
Oh, and I started looking.
It's like, it's just
tape rewinding.
And we cut to the scenes
of the young ransom
who started off as a ganger
in the decks of the
debt collector, clearly under the
captainage of someone else, who
just started murdering people.
And then eventually, the old
captain, something happened
and this young
ransom kept murdering his way
up to the top, and eventually,
just like, and if you say
anything, well,
I'll kill you! And then
other people were like, okay, you can have this promotion.
And you can even tell
his voice,
the way he carries himself. There's
a visage of
this broadcast throughout the
imperium of the grand provost
marshal explaining the
rules of law, and he's nodding
like, I like that voice.
Maybe I could use
that voice.
Yes!
It all comes together.
Oh my god!
And then, like, we
finally cut back to, like,
you going through all of this until he's
the first officer, and everything's
happy on the ship, and
he's still murdering people for
sport in his off time, but, like, isn't
doing it as much, because Pibrain has been, like,
depopulating them just
as much.
Can you hit us with the,
uh, uh, grand provost marshal monologue
that inspired Ransom?
Yeah, yeah, please! You want me to do that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go ahead, Erndil, give it to us.
I want to hear him one last time.
Alright, and
the final thing on the docket
is, uh,
as of
0800 last
morning, on this, the
42nd millennium,
uh,
what, uh,
what the hell's the
month?
Ah, it doesn't
matter. Uh,
as of 0800 this
morning, all
laws are hereby
decreed to be,
uh,
permanent and in effect.
There will be no further
laws.
It's a dark day
for us all.
They'll trust me if I sound like the law.
So I'll sound like that.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Yay!
Thank you, Erndil.
Um, Captain?
Uh, new old Captain?
Captain Zedek?
Yes?
Um, there's a ship approaching.
Oh.
What ship's approaching?
Well, um, I can't quite
scan it properly.
It's causing our
auspexes a lot of problem.
Oh.
Oh. Main screen,
turn on. Um, oh,
there's no screen,
but... And then, like,
another comms officer.
Captain, uh,
incoming hololithic transmission.
Sure.
Go ahead. Put it through.
Putting it through into
main area for
hololithic display. Presses some buttons.
And then there's, like,
the...
There's, like, this
this assembly of light.
That appears. Uh, and then
you see a figure.
A humanoid figure
in powered armor.
Uh, like, holding onto the top of a
great hammer.
And then you see the old
wizened face of this
figure. A figure you
have not seen
since an old retirement
home on a planet very
long ago.
Greetings.
This is Lord Inquisitor
Melchior.
I am addressing
the vessel
designated as
the Debt Collector.
Hail
Inquisitor Lord Melchior.
This is
Captain Zedek,
Captain of the Debt Collector.
Yes, I know who you are.
I have been following
you. You have
completed your mission
admirably for me.
What?
What mission? I don't...
Oh, my God.
Oh, my throne. You...
Guys, he was
the grandpa! He was the grandpa
the whole time!
I'm getting out the conspiracy board!
I told you all I was right! I told you all!
And I said I was wrong!
But I was right! But I wasn't! But I was!
You were right! You were right!
There's a conspiracy! Please! Oh, my... Oh, my
throne, Melchior. The Lord Melchior.
What? I... We don't remember anything.
Please, jog your memories.
Of course you don't remember anything.
After you
brought me off of the
planet of Shady Rock,
my memories returned.
My vessel came and picked me up.
But I decided I could use
you. I realized
your destinies were entwined
with Slyburgo
de Fagreby.
So I
wiped your memories of the events
immediately after the planet
and
used you to trail him
through the stars. I knew
eventually
you would find him for me
and now you have.
And now he is
on that planet down there.
I have received confirmation
of it from
Auspex's detecting a shuttle
that recently departed down
there.
Which is good, for I shall begin
the exterminatus of that world
immediately.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on.
Yeah, we got a...
We got a prize possession
currently on the surface of that place. You can't
blow it up.
What do you mean?
Are...
There is a small,
small little boy down there
who,
under dubious circumstances
that are totally okay,
we have come to rear
on this ship and protect with our lives.
That monster,
maybe not man at all,
took him.
If you would please
let us go down there,
flay him alive,
and maybe take his brain back
to be put in a cervid or some kind of
eternal torment for his crimes,
and get the boy back. Then, oh, by all
means, destroy the shit out of that planet.
We would be eternally
grateful.
Beseech you, Lord Inquisitor.
One child
matters not.
The fate of the
Imperium is at stake.
You have seen what Defuckaby
is capable of.
He must be stopped.
Prepare the iconic
torpedoes you see him carrying.
Wait!
Gentlemen, he wouldn't give
a good goddamn about David Pott.
He's an Inquisitor.
You know who you're dealing with.
No!
Well, they didn't allow me to enlighten...
Lord Inquisitor.
Ah, yes, Acolyte.
I have been with these fools
for quite some time now.
And yes, I call them fools.
It is just what I do at this point, because frankly,
I have determined that we are all
rather out of our depth in this scenario.
You know, not mean, but whatever.
Just go with it.
Inquisitorial speak. I have to sell Pampas.
I'm so out of my depth.
It's long.
This man, this Slebrego Defuckaby,
he has been
running
towards something or away from us.
I can't tell. He has cavorted
with Xenos, and he has
actively inhibited our ability
to do this investigation.
Now, I don't know what he's doing
on that planet. I don't
know if the situation can
be remedied, but I assure you,
if he is doing something on that
world, and we don't know what
exactly, I'm not certain Exterminatus
will be the correct course
of action, so to speak.
And I will throw up Persuasion at him.
Absolutely.
Would you like to spend any glory
on your attempt to persuade the Lord
Inquisitor to not Exterminatus?
We got glory?
We got three.
Can I take them? Yes!
Alright, here comes another nine.
Do I have a wrath?
No. Alright.
Here we go!
Do we have an assist mechanic?
I forget for our system.
I mean, if you guys want to assist,
you certainly can.
Xenic will assist.
Okay, you can all pick a skill. All of you can pick a skill.
Ah, fuck, I'll even allow
Psychic Mastery. Why not?
Awesome. As he's making
this thing, he will also
pipe in, going like,
not to mention, there might be something
highly valuable for the Inquisition.
No one to fuck with me, and
some of the Psychic Mastery things that he's been
able to do, no normal Psychic that I
know, save for the God Improved
of Mankind, would be able to do
such influence over so many people
across wide distances.
He has something,
Lord Inquisitor, and to
destroy it and not even, you know,
fail to even acquire it
for the Grand Imperium would be quite a shame.
We must at least see what
is there first, and
if we fail, you might as well
exterminate all of us anyway.
You still win.
Information can be key here.
Reeb is
sucking air in through his fucking teeth
because Lorne is being like,
yeah, she's studying Xenos stuff, let's use it
for the betterment of mankind, to
a Ordo Xenos Inquisitor.
Captain Zedek will pipe up.
Oh god, I love it.
It's like the reverse Final Fantasy
prayer sequence. Yeah, Zedek, add in.
Please.
As I believe
the saying goes, and you are no
doubt familiar with, Lord Inquisitor,
knowledge is power.
Guard it well.
And there is untold
knowledge on that planet
that you can use to exterminate
the enemies of the Imperium, but
it will be lost to the ages and
certainly lost to the Admech.
Reeb is fucking falling apart because you guys are making this so much
I would like to kind of
mention, by the way,
I think in multiple things, like, I'm not
the master of lore or anything, but I think in multiple
times in Inquisition for Ordo Xenos,
bullshit, has done that exact thing
of literally getting Xenos
tech to understand it better.
They don't, like, just look at it.
Yeah, that's also that
as well. So it's basically just going, like,
hey, part of your
Inquisitor order or whatever, as much as you might disagree
with them, still works together in
some way.
So it's basically just going, like, hey,
you gotta know what the fuck you're
fighting against, man. You do this constantly.
Lord.
All right, let's see some skill checks.
We've got...
Three and a complication from Hulki.
I would like to wrap it.
Absolutely. Reroll does six fail.
I like how I'm still
waiting to throw this.
Oh, I know. I want Reeb to make
that statement, start it,
then end it, and I can just see the
vein throbbing on his forehead.
Okay, he gets...
Five successes.
Five total. Okay.
Well, nine in total, actually.
Yeah, nine in total.
Long of that, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna use one of my rafts just to
make that just a tad bit better.
Oh, wow. Good roll there.
This is gonna be seven, eight, nine,
ten, eleven, twelve. Twelve on my
second master.
Nice. Okay.
Okay, I like it. I like it.
I like
Pybrain is just, like, quiet.
Ah, you think I am gone? No.
Do I roll now?
I would like...
You're gonna bookend it, Reeb. Is Py gonna throw in something?
I am gonna throw in something.
And I'm going to...
I know, I know.
And I am going to
dig my sword into the deck
and kneel.
Lord Inquisitor,
I am
not like my fellows.
I do not care
for the secrets on this world,
lest they be reclaimed for the benefit
of the Imperium. I defer
to the wisdom of the Inquisitor.
and the glorious honor
of Forgeworld Lemuria in these
matters. But I do know
one thing, perhaps more so
than anyone else here,
and it is the abject lack
of meaning that life
has to the operations
of our world.
I know that our words
are motivated out of concern
for our own friend
and, hmm,
the child we know
as Tatar-Tot,
and
whatever other friends we may
lose in this bombardment.
Yes, but I speak to you
now in humility
and in abject
agony. Please
allow us a chance to cut
the head of this serpent before you
consign the worlds, the people of
this world, to oblivion.
Please allow us one chance.
Four more men to
the tally, and a few lost
hours should not make the difference
here. I
beg of you in your
wisdom to allow us to risk
our lives to bring you the
answers, the blood, and the
victory that you seek. And should
we fail, then our souls
be consigned to the flames
of cyclonic bombardment.
I beg you! Please
allow us this
chance. That is all I,
Pye Brain, Humble Tech
Priest, and Skitari
Alpha of Forgeworld Lemuria
can ask.
And, uh, I will make any check
you feel so inclined to, Thurston.
Uh, I, ideally, it would be something I
have a lot of things in, but none of those are very
social. Maybe tech to
boast my grip, but that's
not really tech.
I am going to say
in this case, we're probably
gonna...
I'll give you a fellowship, but you can
give yourself three extra dice
just cause that was a good ol'
speech there, Fred.
Aw, thank you.
Thank you very much. Okay, where the fuck is my
fellowship? Please roll. Oh god.
Oh lord.
Uh, I'm just going to roll...
Would you allow leadership?
Yeah, I'll allow leadership, sure.
Okay, cool.
That's a three. Let's go.
Uh,
I've got six successes. I will
still use a
wrath to re-roll the remaining three.
Sure.
Alright, so that is a
total...
A total of, I do believe,
eight successes.
Okay. So lord,
inquisitor, milk your eyes, look at the
kneeling skitari, the pleading
captain, the
the psyker
expounding the virtues
of potentially lost technologies,
and then turns
back to you, Reeb.
Well?
What did
you have to say,
acolyte, to end this?
We have seen
the forces he cavorts with.
They are dangerous and capricious.
If they are nothing we understand,
a whole
scale attack such as this could
spell disaster for this entire
situation. If we
go down to the surface and we
investigate it ourselves,
and we determine that
it can be rectified by
you doing this,
we will let you know immediately.
But we would ask that you hold until we can
fully engage with this man.
It won't take long.
And I'll roll.
Do I get any bonus?
I'll give you three dice bonus on that
for persuasion.
Okay, I'm up to twelve.
Go for it.
Do it.
Six.
Pretty bad.
You've got a raft now.
Oh, I do, do I?
Okay.
Yes.
Yes.
Alright, I'm gonna roll.
I'm gonna use my last raft.
So that's six plus
one, two, three, four, five.
So that's eleven.
You have all pleaded your case.
There is no place for the weak-willed.
Or hesitant.
Only by firm action and resolute faith
will mankind survive.
No sacrifice
is too great.
And he turns.
Fire the torpedoes.
Oh, bloody hell.
And that's when you hear
the, like, the sensorium officer.
Captain?
Captain?
I'm detecting a launch of three torpedoes.
Is there any way we can...
just shoot the torpedoes with our own torpedoes?
We could unload our weapons into it.
Lauren rushes up to, uh, the strategic's window.
And I assume that the ship is on screen.
And you see, like, as you run to the window,
Lauren, somehow your, like, eyes are just immediately attracted to it.
You see the silhouette of a large, of a larger ship.
But the ship is like entirely made of black.
Like there, it, it, it is...
It is some kind of, like, obscured vessel
with lots of stars around it.
It is imperial, but it is a black ship of the Imperium.
And then you see three orange lights
coming out from it towards the planet.
Lorne wants to cast Crush on them
with the powers that he acquired.
Okay.
From all the way here.
Is that possible?
Okay, give me a check for Crush.
Captain Zedek, you are now, like,
coordinating your crew to fire on the missiles?
All right.
Sure, what I noticed,
Lorne, like, glowing with psychic might.
That's a lot of fucking little...
You got a raft still.
Got a raft.
Yeah, that tells me.
You want me to fucking...
Okay, so one, two...
I re-roll the...
I re-roll the rafts, do I?
Correct?
No, you do not.
Oh, that's right.
If they complicate or they crit...
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
I got six more to do.
I'm just gonna wait around for it.
And Zedek, you were saying?
I was saying, would Zedek notice Lorne glowing
with, like, psychic power?
Yes.
Zedek will look over at Lorne.
I got a really good roll.
That's seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen,
fifteen total.
You are going to be able to grab one of those missiles
and stop it.
Can I...
Zoran?
Can I...
Man, I wish I had another one,
because I would...
Nerdy declarated that I would smash it into the other one.
You are, like, you are basically able to reach as far as you can
and grab the tailing missile of the pack.
Like, this...
You have to understand,
this is a fucking incredible feat of psychic power
for one person to do.
You are literally...
You are literally, like, doing something beyond the ken
of even, like, space marine, like,
librarian masters.
No, I 100% get you.
You are grabbing this and holding this torpedo
and, like, managing to crush it
as it is, like, hundreds of kilometers away.
As I'm going in,
like, screaming,
it's like,
No!
Taylor Todd!
And I hear Zedek now behind me.
Remember, Scargeras Prime,
and what you did.
Do it again.
He's like, I'm trying, Zedek.
You have to understand, this is way hard.
And Lauren...
Turn it around.
There's a pause where he turns and looks at Zedek.
And then he...
He nods.
He nods.
Bring up his call.
And he...
Lauren wants to turn, if possible,
like, with crutches,
morph it to where he turns it back
towards the Inquisitor's ship.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, absolutely.
You, like, are reaching and turning this...
this...
And then, like, as this is going on,
the crew on the Strategium is shouting,
Captain, weapons...
Weapons lock on!
We can fire!
I'm...
I'm...
I'm...
I'm...
I'm...
I'm going to look at Reeb and just...
for guidance, because I am...
Pi is fucking freaking out.
He does not like this.
Uh...
What is Reeb doing?
Reeb can't fucking do anything, dude.
He's a doc...
He's a doctor.
He cannot shoot the...
the cyclonic torpedoes out of the sky.
And Milky are already through, so...
No, there's nothing he can do.
No.
I think he's what he's being in the situation
that we're currently doing.
Yeah, Pi...
Pi is like, uh...
Uh...
Should we be killing an Inquisitor?
Should we be killing an Inquisitor for this?
I don't...
I don't know how I feel about this.
And he's...
He's looking up at Reeb and seeing if Reeb has
any indication, because right now he is incredibly
conflicted, uh...
obviously, between his loyalty to the crew
and his willingness to immediately
betray the Imperium.
Reeb straight up
has no idea how this is going to go.
He was really speaking out of his, like,
own understanding of how fucked up this situation is.
And how attacking something
with cyclonic torpedoes out of nowhere
is a really fucking terrible...
terrible idea.
Helmsman?
Yes, Captain?
Tar...
Target the remaining torpedoes
headed towards the planet.
We're...
We're...
We're unleashing a salvo, Captain!
And, like, you...
You can see, like, the weapon batteries
of your vessel begin to...
to light up the void
and a stream of your own missiles
and laser fire kind of gushes forward,
um, trying to line up to these torpedoes.
Meanwhile, the torpedo that Lorne has grabbed
and, like, ripped and turned around...
and turned around in space
is now hurtling back towards this inquisitorial vessel
and suddenly the front of that vessel lights up
and, like, weapons fire is now flying forward,
uh, trying to catch that.
And so there's these, like, two arcs,
almost like an X of weapon fire in space
as they're...
as...
as, like, both ships are now firing at missiles.
And then you see it.
The first pop.
The...
The inquisitorial vessel has popped the...
the missile that Lorne, like, sent
hurling towards it,
uh, popping it,
and there's, like, an immense detonation in space,
like, very brief,
momentary sun that appears,
and then, shh,
maybe, like, 10, 20 seconds thereafter,
there's another pop
as one of the...
the two missiles hurtling towards the planet
also pops.
But then the third missile
seems to evade the weapons fire,
hurtling forward.
That is where we're gonna end today's episode.
Terrific work.
And with that, everyone,
thank you all so very much
for watching.
We will see you
same bat time,
same bat channel,
you know,
here in a week or two.
We're ending.
And I think we have, like,
maybe two or three sessions left,
give or take.
Yeah, I think we got...
Yeah.
We got two left, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
We're almost done, Chad.
Yep.
We're almost done.
I hope you make it.
We're in the endgame.
Yeah, I hope you tell everybody that, uh,
we're almost done.
We're almost there.
So there's gonna be no more.
What will happen?
What's gonna go down?
What's gonna happen?
What's gonna happen?
I'll give you this for the end.
Mm-hmm.
This is what you get to look forward to.
Here we go.
All right.
Thank you so much,
Ars Katari Ranger,
played by...
PyBrain played by...
PyBrain is played by SpeakerD,
and you can find me at
SuperSnakeKick on Twitter
and at SpeakerD on YouTube.
And I...
I gotta say...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Our Inquisitorial Acolyte,
Reeve Van Horn, played by...
Aran Dillio!
You can meet me at Twitter, Aran Dillio,
and I'm gonna be doing this for a while,
so, yeah.
Good luck.
Good luck finding us.
We're very powerful.
I have been the Sanctioned Psyker.
Uh, I have been...
Santa Psyker.
Yeah, Santa Psyker.
I've been playing Lorne.
And our...
Rogue Trader.
Now re-established
Captain of the Deck Collector,
played by...
That would be me,
HulkyCrow.
You can find me at
HulkyCrow on Twitter.
You can also find me on
Zorn's Discord server,
as well as the
Warhams community server.
Uh, link should be popping up
in the next couple seconds.
Uh, but I'm also the
community manager there.
By all means,
stop on by.
We have a really great community.
Love talking with you guys.
We do panels every now and then.
Uh, it's very fun.
Would love to see you guys there.
And thank you so very much,
Thurston Yelvin,
who's been our game master
for these
for quite a while.
I've been putting in a shit ton of work
just to bring all this guy...
I'll bring all this to you,
so thank you, Thurston,
for game mastering today.
Thank you very much.
You can find me at all the things
at OnCallGM.
Uh,
as I cough and die.
Don't you fucking hate it?
Ah!
Ah!
I can't die.
No.
Uh, you can find me
at all the things.
Um,
I might stream some Dark Souls
at some point.
Otherwise,
I love you.
I'm drinking water.
Drink some water.
So as,
as you suffer there,
uh, remember,
you can always follow
the website at
warhands.tv
to find our schedule.
So if you're ever wondering,
man,
when do they go live?
What day is it gonna happen?
What,
what's going on?
Website.
Go to the website.
I have to yell at people
so many times.
It's like,
I don't know when it happens.
Like,
website!
We have a dedicated
schedule page right there
at warhands.tv.
It gives you all the information
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See who works on the show.
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you get a list of the episodes.
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Patreon.com
forward slash Warhams.
You can also find that
through our website
at warhams.tv.
And,
through that,
you can help support the show.
Really.
Like,
soon we'll be,
unfortunately,
ending these Warhammer campaigns
fairly soon
because of the policies
and everything that we
obviously don't agree with,
et cetera.
So,
and we'll be doing
new and grand things.
There's a lot of things
that we can do.
And,
hopefully,
we're just
hoping to God
you guys don't forget about us.
So that's,
uh,
and that's the end
of the show.
I hope you guys
have a fantastic time.
Thank you all
so,
so very much.
And we will see
you all
next time.
Farewell,
my friends.
I'm alive,
so it's good.
Don't worry about me now.
I can breathe.
Great.
Keep dead and dying.
I hope to see you all
next time.
It's time to go.
So long.
Goodbye,
my family.
We love you all
very,
very much.
Bye.
Oxygen.
Bye.
The end of.
The end of.
The end of.
Merasmus.
Merasmus.
Stop taking drugs.
Based.