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For anyone who’s been in the opposite place of where they want to be 🩷
Real talk, raw truth and a little sparkle ✨ Kirby discuses sex, relationships, ditching alcohol and what it means to really be happy 🌸
Hey, it's Kirby Myers, and you're
listening to Behind the Blonde.
Thanks for joining me today.
So this is a podcast for anyone
who's ever been in the opposite
place of where they wanna be.
I know for the last four episodes,
we have focused mostly on addiction
and my struggles over the last
seven years overcoming alcohol,
nicotine, and ultimately marijuana.
Last week, my husband,
Britt Meyers, joined me.
We got his hot.
Take from the other side, and I would
like to pivot a little bit today,
but it still goes back to that maybe you
are in a place that you don't necessarily
wanna be, which doesn't have to be tied
always to addiction or mental health.
Today we're gonna talk about sex.
Sex is a huge part of my
life and it always has been.
Sex is something that I discuss very
freely and very openly with my husband
and also my very close girlfriends.
I think it is so important.
I think it is beautiful.
I think it is powerful and
magical, and it's just fucking.
Awesome.
So we don't talk about it
enough, especially as women.
There is this shame tied to it.
There is this feeling that we maybe
have to be secondary in the bedroom.
I think we've been conditioned to that.
You know, men more have the power
roll and we kind of are submissive.
Our climaxes are not guaranteed.
That's really gonna be the focal
point of today, where men always
are the ones that get off, and
that always doesn't happen for us.
But it all comes down to communication.
So again, maybe you're in the opposite
place of where you wanna be sexually.
Maybe that's within yourself.
Maybe that is within your relationship.
I'll be honest, when I was
younger I was kind of a wild card.
I mean, honestly.
I don't even know my number.
My husband and I joked about this the
other day because he doesn't know his
either, so I felt a little bit better
about that, but I feel like for a guy.
Like it's okay.
It'd be totally fine for a guy to be like,
I don't know my number, but if a girl was
to admit that out loud, there's judgment.
There's complete judgment in that a
lot of the time For me, I just stopped
counting after a while, not because
I was sleeping around and constantly
just jumping in bed with anybody.
But I did have a lot of
relationships starting from high
school and then into my twenties.
I'm not gonna lie, drinking
was a big part of it.
Sometimes I definitely do have some
regrets looking back, I did have some
nights that I woke up in the morning and
was like, whew, not my best decision.
Um, but as I started to get
older, I started to realize that
I really did love being intimate.
I didn't just want that hookup.
I really wanted that connection.
I really wanted to feel good.
I really wanted to feel good
in my body, about my body,
so when we're younger, we
probably make a lot of mistakes.
Not all of us, I made more than
my share, but as I started to get
older, I really started to honor my
body, honing in on what I needed,
I always loved love, and I always loved
pleasure, and I call it jaguar energy.
I feel like as women, we really need
to lean into our jaguar energy, where
we are just taking control on what we
really want and what we really need,
and not being afraid to communicate it.
I've always been a super sexual
person as long as I can remember.
I look back and starting in
elementary school, I was in
third grade when I discovered
that my private parts felt good.
I would take a pillow.
And I would put it down in my woman
area and I would kind of rub it.
And I remember I didn't
have a lock on my bedroom.
So we lived in Connecticut growing up in a
really old, beautiful, like antique house.
But it had these latch doors, so it
didn't have actually regular doors,
so there was no lock on the door.
So I used to take a hanger and I
would shove the hanger in between
the doors so that I could lock it.
So that I wanted, when I wanted
to use my special pillow,
nobody could come in the room.
So I remember there was a lice outbreak
in my elementary school, and my
mom, of course, there was four kids.
She completely flipped out.
She like fumigated the whole house.
Did all of the things, you know, you gotta
wrap the stuffies, you gotta do all of it.
And I came home and I was like.
Where's my pillow?
And she was like, oh, I got rid of it.
I just, and I was devastated.
This was my special pillow.
So after that is when I think I
realized that, you know, you're
actually supposed to use your fingers,
I don't think I came to a climax.
I don't think I was orgasming
in elementary school, but
I was 100% aware that.
It felt good when I touched my body
and probably into middle school.
Does anybody remember Cinemax late night,
a k, a skin Max and you'd watch it and
it'd be like the soft core kind of stuff.
I was just always fascinated by that.
As I've gotten older and I've come into
this freedom and this acceptance of
myself in this phase of my life, that
I know that my worth is non-negotiable.
So ladies, let's talk about
the power of the pickle.
most ladies don't orgasm
from just penetration.
Only about 15 to 20% of women
climax from penetration alone.
And that doesn't mean you're
less than, and that doesn't mean
that something's wrong with you.
That just means that that
is the normal statistic.
That's how our bodies work most of us.
80 to 85% of us need clitoral
stimulation to climax.
And I'm one of those people,
and it's never bothered me.
I've never been like, oh, I, I wish I
could, like, I don't know any different.
So I've always been somebody that has,
obviously from a young age, self pleasured
has always been a part of my life.
I think it's important that you
are very honest about your needs.
So if you're somebody like me.
Who doesn't climax from
penetration and penetration alone?
Like, don't let the guy get off before
you get off and don't fake it, okay?
Please don't fake it.
And if you have to fake it
with somebody regularly and you
can't talk about it, then you're
obviously with the wrong person.
But there is zero shame in
saying can you flip me over so
that I can tickle my pickle?
The power of the pickle, because we
all wanna get off, like you don't
wanna be done and be left unsatisfied,
being left feeling like you have to
run to the bathroom and lock the door.
Hopefully not with a hanger.
And finish yourself off because
you know you still have that little
buzzy feeling down there because
you obviously didn't finish.
And guys are weird about that.
Guys feel threatened by it.
They feel insecure by it.
They feel like it's their fault
if they can't get you off just
from their penis alone, that it
must be something wrong with them.
It's like, no, put your ego
aside and do the research.
We all have like chat, GBT.
Now do like a simple search and it
will tell you 80 to 85% of women.
Do not reach an orgasm
from penetration alone.
And quite frankly, like I would
rather do it myself most of the time,
unless we're talking about like oral,
which is another big thing, I'm a big
proponent, I have a rule or I had a
rule when I first started dating guys.
I probably came into this in like my
mid twenties after I went through all my
craziness I took the rule up that a guy
had to go down on me three times before I
would go down on him, because we're always
the ones that are doing it first, always,
and then we're expected to do it more.
No, they're getting off.
Every time.
Every time.
So it should be totally fair or we
should be getting off more because we
should be getting off during sex and then
they should be making sure that we're
getting off in addition to that as well.
I mean that's, you know, in like a perfect
scenario, so if you're in a committed
relationship, you should be able to
have that conversation with somebody
if you're not somebody that climaxes,
um, from penetration and let 'em know
like, Hey, this is important to me and
I highly recommend doggy style because
that to me is the most comfortable
way to have the satisfaction of.
The sex and also, you know, being able
to touch yourself and get off because in
no planet should we have to go without
that, just because a guy thinks that a.
He should be able to get you off.
It's also, it's also egotistical and
um, and a lot of times it can be, I feel
like in a lot of my past relationships
has been really, really selfish as well.
So I think with women, we're always
secondary when it comes to that.
And really our pleasure
should be at the forefront.
Like you should wanna be with a
man who puts your pleasure above.
His pleasure.
And then we should be making sure
that they're taken care of as well.
I think if you don't touch yourself, if
you're not somebody that's ever done that,
you should do that because you should know
what feels good and what you like, and you
know, just get comfortable with your body.
It took me a really, really, really
long time to fully get comfortable with
my body and with my woman bits, and
looking at it and not feeling like, does
it look weird or does it look wrong?
Especially after children, you
know, I mean, they're all different.
Like why are we supposed
to be ashamed no, no.
There's no shame in our game at all.
Zero.
And so just remember, you're worth.
Is non-negotiable and that goes to your
body, the way you love your body and
the way your partner loves your body.
It goes back to talking and communication.
Everything comes down to that.
And being open and being honest.
And sometimes these conversations
are really uncomfortable.
I know that like really,
really, really uncomfortable.
But we have to have them to grow.
We have to have them to.
Get to a place that we wanna be with
ourselves, because sometimes the
tough conversations are literally
just with ourselves where we have to
acknowledge things that we wanna work
on, and then those conversations in our
relationships, whether it's bigger picture
communication stuff, or it's intimacy.
Because I have always said that a
relationship without sex is a friendship.
When you take away sex in a relationship.
Hopefully there is a really good
foundation of a friendship there, but.
You need to have that sexual component
to make it a true relationship.
And sex should not be a stigma.
It should not be something
weird that we talk about.
I don't understand why everybody
whispers about it is the most
natural thing that we do.
Every single one of us on this planet
is a product of two people having sex.
So why people are so afraid to discuss it.
Why there's this shame tied to it, why
women especially feel shame tied to sex
into their body and wanting to feel sexual
and wanting to be loved, and wanting to
orgasm, and wanting to express if they
can't and that they want to get there.
I know it's really taken me until the.
This relationship of mine to get to the
point where I am completely free in the
bedroom, I'm completely free in my body.
I have no inhibitions.
I will make noises.
I will let my body make noises, and I
will not apologize for it, and I will
not be embarrassed for it And so for all
of the crazy stuff that I went through
when I was younger, I'm just so glad that
I've now gotten to the point where I can
experience it without alcohol, and truly
honoring my body, loving my body, So the
power of the pickle, it goes a long way.
Get uncomfortable with your conversation,
with your sex, and put yourself in
a position where you can take it to
the next level and you can explore
yourself because this life is way, way.
Too short to not be experiencing
all of the pleasures that are there.
have those conversations because your
worth is non-negotiable find that Jaguar
energy because of two people are gonna
come together in the most intimate way.
There should be no apologies,
and there should be no shame.
And when that happens, it really is
the most beautiful thing in the world.
put the power in the pickle.
Thanks for listening to Behind the Blonde.