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At Forerunner Mentoring, they help boys meet their potential and become Men of God through implementing after school mentoring programs in the local public schools and matching students who don’t have father figures with a one-on-one mentor. To facilitate those programs, they employ “coaches” in their after school programs. The job of these coaches is to mentor the students in group settings, each working with a specific grade or group of kids. As is the case with working with any group of kids, discipline is a constant element of these programs, and each coach handles that discipline in a slightly different way within the guidelines at Forerunner. In our most recent series, Josh took over the podcast to talk with each of the coaches about the why behind their mentoring activities. For the season finale of You Can Mentor, Josh brings all of them back for one massive roundtable where they talk about anything and everything mentoring. Listen in this week to hear Josh, Joel, Ryan, Jamari, and Holden talk about some crazy topics including the strengths and weaknesses of each coach, their experiences in program, integrity within mentoring, and how mentors who aren’t involved in mentoring alongside each other can gain and benefit from the same type of community that we coaches do.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators & Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:They
Speaker 3:mentor just a reminder about
Speaker 2:their new community workbook. It's titled book a mentor that impacts your community, build a great commission and break generational costs. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentorship. If you're a mentor hey. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick them up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order past copies, like, more than 20, send an email on me, zach@ucanmentor.com, and we will get you in special notes. But go. You got that book. It's good.
Speaker 4:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Joshua Manning. We got something really special for you guys today. We've been hinting at it kinda all summer. As you know, we just wrapped up a couple of weeks ago, the why I mentor series where I went and I interviewed all of the coaches at 4 Runner Mentoring in Dallas.
Speaker 4:They all have their own episodes. So if you've missed those, definitely go back to the last couple of months and listen to that. There's been some really, really awesome conversations about a wide range of things. None of them went any way I thought it was going to go. I sent them an outline and then most of them we never actually used the outline.
Speaker 4:So that was that was just a really cool experience. Today, we have something really special. We have not 1, not 2, not even 3 guests like we did last week. We had Steven, Beth, and Caitlin. But this week, we have almost all of the the coaches from last year's after school program.
Speaker 4:On the podcast today, we got Holden Royal. Holden, what's up?
Speaker 3:Hello.
Speaker 4:We got Ryan Raleigh. Ryan, what's going on? What's up? Doing good. Chilling.
Speaker 4:Doing good. Chilling. Alright. And we got Joel McMillan.
Speaker 5:The time is now.
Speaker 4:You can't see me because you're
Speaker 5:on a podcast, but
Speaker 4:the time is now. Alright. Alright. I like it. And then we also have a Jamari Malloy.
Speaker 4:Hi. Hey, Jamari. What's up? Hi. Unfortunately, we we tried so hard to get everybody in the same room at the same time, but I've learned that the logistics behind scheduling people gets more complicated the more people you add in.
Speaker 4:Like, it gets exponentially more difficult. So JT was supposed to join us today. He had to work last second at his other job. He may come in in the middle of this recording. We don't know yet.
Speaker 4:But Caitlin was also supposed supposed to join us. She then had to go and get a full time job at forerunner, and so that kinda occupied her. She's not available. Yes, ma'am. Caitlin, we miss you.
Speaker 4:JC, we miss you. And then the other voice that we're missing right now is we are missing Taj because he's out of town all month long, and we push we push recording this as long as we possibly could to allow time for everybody to to schedule their schedules to sync. And we just well, it's the it's the best case scenario we've got. So we're we're missing Caitlin. We're missing JT.
Speaker 4:We're missing Taj, But that's okay. We've got everybody else. It's gonna be a really interesting conversation mostly because I have no idea where this conversation is going. So, yeah, it's not planned. It's completely unhinged.
Speaker 4:It's just this what? 6 of us? Yeah. The 6 of us just hanging out, talking, you know, doing talking about mentoring and talking about whatever for, I don't know, the next 2 hours or so. So if you haven't already, sit back, grab grab a cup of tea or a cup of coffee.
Speaker 4:This is not one you're gonna listen to at work or on your commute. It's just gonna be way too long, and you're probably gonna be laughing way too hard because, well, that's that's who we are is we just love to have fun. So sit back, enjoy a cup of tea or coffee or whatever it is that you are drinking, and we'll get into it. So the first thing I've got today is well, just I wanna check-in with all y'all and see where y'all been, what you've been doing, what's coming up for you Because, I mean, I haven't seen most of you since May or early June. So opening the floor, Holden, Ryan, Joel, Jamari, what are y'all what have y'all been up to?
Speaker 4:Where are you going? What have you been doing? That kind of stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I've just been reading.
Speaker 4:Like, there's not a whole
Speaker 3:lot. Yeah.
Speaker 4:There's I mean,
Speaker 3:I went with Forerunner for their, like, rights of passage, the older guys that
Speaker 4:went through Forerunner. Oh, you gotta go on that? Yeah. So I
Speaker 3:went through that couple of weeks ago, and then I have another, like, job trip later. But between those and ever since foreigner ending ended, it's been mostly reading. And then seminary starts again in August, so So I'll be doing that.
Speaker 4:What kinds of things have you been reading? I mean, what's what's been the favorite or the best book you've read so far?
Speaker 3:The best? That's really hard. I'll just say the most recent. I I I went to Branson with my in laws last week, and on the way up there, I read through till we have faces by c s Lewis, which is about a lot of different not a lot of different things, but it's a it's a retelling of an older story about some characters called Psyche, and normally it has Cupid in there as well, but it's a it's a retelling where he kind of deals with the idea that men are prone to stand on the earth and shake their fist at God and wonder why things aren't going their way. Super good.
Speaker 3:Super good. Yeah. But got really that's, like, the first time I've gotten really entrenched in a in a book or in a, like, fiction book in a long time. So it was really good.
Speaker 4:You said that one was by CS Lewis?
Speaker 3:Right. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Okay. So Very good. Kinda same realm ish as Chronicles of Narnia?
Speaker 3:It's different in the sense that it's not like a direct allegory to any biblical story because, like, in this fictional land, it's all, like, based around paganism and rituals and
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:It's a much darker story, and they deal with much darker themes than is in Chronicles of Narnia. But but he also is able to deal with more like, it's kind of easier to be super direct in this sense. I think more so than Chronicles of Narnia, but it just it deals with darker themes than the biblical well, than the biblical narrative in the way that CS Lewis is telling it in Narnia.
Speaker 4:Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Sounds interesting.
Speaker 3:Super good.
Speaker 4:I think I'll have to check that out.
Speaker 2:Read
Speaker 4:it. I mean, I'm always into, like, fiction novels. I actually prefer fiction over nonfiction. It's
Speaker 3:super good.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So I I think I'll have to check that one out.
Speaker 3:Do. Let me know your thoughts. Ryan,
Speaker 4:where have you been? What have you been up to?
Speaker 6:Man, I've just been, like, really chilling this summer. I got an opportunity just to not work, which has been amazing.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And Like a summer to relax,
Speaker 6:and I Yes.
Speaker 4:And almost out.
Speaker 6:Actually offered to pay my rent for all of summer. Wow. So, yeah. So, it was just the Lord telling me to slow down. And so, I slowed down a lot.
Speaker 6:I've been reading a lot and meeting with a lot of people, getting to meet with people that I usually wouldn't meet with. Mhmm. I don't know. Just, I've been loved on by the Lord in this season, and I've just been able to do that for other people, like time in, time out. And then this ministry that I'm a part of at college, just doing a lot of planning for that in the next coming seasons.
Speaker 6:And it's just a lot more planning than I thought it would be. But it's really good and really sweet. So I've just been reading, hanging out with people, and going to meetings for that. So Nice. It's been an awesome summer.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That sounds nice and relaxing.
Speaker 6:Yes. It has been. It has been. It's been super nice.
Speaker 4:Something I wish I had because I've, like, not stopped all summer between moving and shows and Yes. Travel and
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 6:You're going, bro.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm going. I mean, I had to I didn't have to. I I scheduled all y'all's episodes. I think everybody in here recorded here.
Speaker 4:Uh-huh. Yeah. Everybody recorded over here at Antioch. So Yeah. I think Caitlin yeah.
Speaker 4:Caitlin is the only coach and Taj that was at the 4 runner. At 4 runner. At 4 runner. Everybody else was at at Antioch. So that happened after after program ended.
Speaker 4:And then I, yeah, I flew to Phoenix at the end of June for a few days to work on a music festival, which was a lot of fun. Learned a lot of things, you know, and I it's I do it every year, but I learn something new every single year, which is why I keep going back even though I don't really get paid to do it. I I go out out and I just like, I use it almost as like an internship where I'm just learning, you know, anything I can about, you know, my craft. Right? And and especially sound systems and really complex audio systems kind of thing.
Speaker 4:So learned some things, came back, implemented them at at Antioch. And then in all of that, I was moving from Flower Mound to Richardson. So my commute has cut down from 45 minutes to 10, which has been really nice.
Speaker 7:Oh my
Speaker 6:gosh. Gosh.
Speaker 4:You know, it was really nice to wake up the Sunday after I moved and not have to get up at 5:30 in the morning to be to leave the house at 6 to be at the church at 6:30, 6:45. Yeah. I woke up at, like, 6 and left the house at 6:20, and I was like, this is nice. I could get used to this. So and then after shortly after that, I actually just got back yesterday from a family trip to Utah where my family is and
Speaker 6:That's cool.
Speaker 4:Got to hang out with them for a few days. And that's about really the only time that I really relaxed. And even that wasn't a lot of relaxing because my family doesn't know how to not jam pack the the itinerary for their trips. Yeah. So that that's that's been my summer and very much looking forward to 4 Runner starting up next month and
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Training kicking back in and and getting to just strategize with Darius and start implementing program again. We I was just over the at 4 Runner today and talked with him a little bit about it. We got we got some students that I'm, like, really excited to have in in my group this year. So I know y'all y'all know them. So y'all I I might be leaning on y'all on like, hey.
Speaker 4:How do I, like, how do I handle this situation with this kid?
Speaker 3:They're all angels.
Speaker 6:All of them.
Speaker 4:Usually. Angels. No. I just Caitlin even was already giving me the tea on some of them. It'd be like, hey, this student really feels loved when you do this.
Speaker 4:I was like, okay. Good to know. Good to know.
Speaker 3:I don't know. I don't know if you can Caitlin has a certain sway with the boys. Yeah.
Speaker 4:That's true. Doesn't matter
Speaker 3:how nice you are. It just doesn't.
Speaker 6:Yeah. Caitlin gives strategy that only works for her. Right.
Speaker 3:If you pull the boys out
Speaker 4:and you spend 1 on 1 time
Speaker 3:with them for an hour and a half, they love it. It's like, well, alright.
Speaker 4:Except I can't do that, Chris. You know, I don't have 5 coaches to watch the rest of the group. Agreed. I have 1. So, Joel, what's going on with you over there?
Speaker 4:And especially where are you going? Because we need to hit that.
Speaker 5:Yeah. So I am returning to Alabama on August 1st to work back at it's called Alabama adult teen challenge, formerly known as teen challenge, but just felt the green light from the Lord to go back and kinda do what I was doing and work with my good friend who's also the director at the center and help guys, you know, get their lives take their lives back from Yeah. The enemy and, you know, get off drugs and alcohol and all all that stuff that they're bound to. But this summer, after, you know, after program, we did the podcast. Yeah.
Speaker 5:I played a lot of hockey. Trying to get as much hockey as I can because I knew I was going back to Alabama, or there's not a lot of hockey because Alabama is a football state. So playing a lot of hockey, I played in a tournament that's local in Dallas called the Guns and Hoses Tournament, and so it's like they get police and firemen from, like, all around the United States, and they come to play in this tournament. And they have, like, non safety divisions, so my team was the non safety division. And we played 3 games, lost all 3.
Speaker 4:Oh, so it didn't do very well?
Speaker 5:We didn't do that great. Okay. But it was a blast. Like, just playing hockey all the time, like I don't know. It was, like, the first time when I was a kid, we'd have a tournament and you'd play, like, 2 games in a day, and so it just felt like I was a kid again.
Speaker 5:Like, you know, your day was focused around playing, and, you know, it was just Yeah. It was just really fun. I also got to go with coach Holden on the outdoor adventures trip, the rite of passage trip that we took.
Speaker 4:I was in Phoenix. And if I wasn't in Phoenix, I would have 100% been there.
Speaker 2:Oh, I
Speaker 4:mean next year. I'm going next year.
Speaker 5:I defaulted to anyone that wanted to go because
Speaker 4:That is true. You did.
Speaker 5:It it is literally, like, one of the best trips you could ever go on.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 5:Just because it is fun. You don't know what's gonna happen next.
Speaker 4:Well, and it's backpacking through Colorado. Like, where can you go wrong with that? I mean,
Speaker 5:if you're an outdoors person, that's great.
Speaker 3:You could get altitude sickness and throw up in the middle of the night
Speaker 4:if that
Speaker 3:happened to
Speaker 5:you. I feel like that.
Speaker 2:I feel
Speaker 6:like that's what I'm saying. Story here. I feel like tomorrow has something to say.
Speaker 5:Oh, there's
Speaker 7:a story. I've been on the okay.
Speaker 4:Except you weren't a coach. You were
Speaker 7:Yeah. Yeah. You were a student. You have the luxury to, like, take a shower. Like, I I was, like, not I couldn't take I didn't take a shower.
Speaker 3:The boys definitely took a shower while we were there.
Speaker 6:What do you mean?
Speaker 5:Maybe they had a different area, though.
Speaker 7:Wait. What did no. Come on. It
Speaker 5:could be different.
Speaker 3:Wait. What did you make?
Speaker 4:No. You're not taking a shower if you're backpacking through Colorado?
Speaker 7:No. No. Like, we didn't go without a shower for, like, a couple of days, but, like, when we got back to the cabin, we still couldn't take a shower until, like, the last
Speaker 3:But why not? Was that your own choice or be did someone
Speaker 2:turn it?
Speaker 7:It wasn't my choice. It was their choice. Like, they, like
Speaker 4:Who's choice?
Speaker 7:I don't know the people.
Speaker 5:Y'all must have been acting up or something. No.
Speaker 4:You didn't do anything.
Speaker 3:I'm sure it was. I mean, all the boys did.
Speaker 5:Attitude, you do not take a shower.
Speaker 4:Wow. If you have a stinky attitude, you have to have a stinky body.
Speaker 7:Because that wasn't this. Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 3:The boys definitely showered this last time.
Speaker 4:Okay. So who who got altitude sickness?
Speaker 3:I got terrible altitude sickness. Did you? Yeah. The first night we were there, I ate some, you know, the freeze dried beef stroganoff that you eat while you while you can't.
Speaker 4:Well, that was your first mistake.
Speaker 2:I ate
Speaker 3:a well, it tastes it was fine. It take didn't taste bad.
Speaker 4:It did it taste inside the 2nd time?
Speaker 3:No. No. And I got I I couldn't go to sleep, and so we like everyone kind of got in their tents probably around 9:30 that first night, and at like 11, I got up out of my tent and my I was laying down and my heart rate was, like, a 125
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:Beats per minute or something. My head was killing me and I got up and I said, I have to be sick or I have to be sick. No. No. No.
Speaker 3:I said, I am sick. What should I where should I go to throw up? Because I didn't want, like, a bear or something to smell that and then come and then kill people.
Speaker 6:Attracted to throw up?
Speaker 3:Oh. I don't know.
Speaker 4:Bears are attracted to a lot of things.
Speaker 3:And so so I I went over somewhat away from the camp and and and spent some time over there. And then for the rest of the trip because I had thrown all that up, I didn't wanna eat, like, it just I didn't wanna eat the freeze dried stuff again.
Speaker 4:Valid.
Speaker 3:And so the rest of the 3 days of hiking, I think I had, like, 7 granola bars and 2 packs of tuna. And that's what I had for, you know, two and a half days after that. And
Speaker 6:Oh, no.
Speaker 3:And so I mean, other than that, great time. Great time. But that was Do
Speaker 2:you feel
Speaker 4:like you came back a bad?
Speaker 3:I was a man before I went on
Speaker 4:a trip, but Came back
Speaker 3:a I came back a sunburn, man, for sure. Healed a lot after that.
Speaker 4:Well, that's that is a reference. I mean, it's the rite of passage trip. Right? It's something we take on or take the boys on the upperclassmen of the high school program for them to, like, make that transition Definitely. To manhood.
Speaker 4:That's where that that joke came from.
Speaker 3:Sorry. I kind of assumed that people knew that and they don't know that. No.
Speaker 4:Because They don't.
Speaker 3:It probably just sounded like I was being
Speaker 4:wildly arrogant right there. Yeah.
Speaker 3:No. Sorry.
Speaker 4:No. This is this is you can ventur, not for territory. Right.
Speaker 5:But it's a but it's
Speaker 4:closely intertwined, but they are separate entities. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5:It's almost the same though for, like, a kid to go on the trip and an adult because, like, they tell you some of the things that you're gonna do, but, like, you really have no idea, especially once you get hiking on the trail with the big backpack on your back. It's
Speaker 4:like Yeah. It's all
Speaker 5:It's kinda grueling.
Speaker 4:Oh, the plane goes out the window.
Speaker 3:It's it's grueling. It's grueling. I mean, people like, you know, Joel was killing it. He he really was.
Speaker 6:Of course, he was. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:That's because he's not killing it. Not
Speaker 2:killing it.
Speaker 6:I was scared when he was hockey. It was. He's
Speaker 5:light headed though.
Speaker 3:That's true. Yeah. And he did carry another boy's pack for, like, a couple of hours.
Speaker 2:Oh, my
Speaker 4:how heavy were these backpacks?
Speaker 5:Ours was, like, 35 to 40. His did we took some of the stuff out of his way.
Speaker 3:Split a little bit off.
Speaker 5:But it's probably a good, like, £15 after that.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 5:Wow. That's when I that's my guard.
Speaker 6:£60 on you?
Speaker 7:I believe.
Speaker 6:I'm not good at math, but
Speaker 3:Just a super
Speaker 8:human. I
Speaker 3:mean, that's 50, but
Speaker 4:How far were were y'all hiking today? How how miles?
Speaker 5:The way in and the way out is 9 miles.
Speaker 3:35 to okay. Fine.
Speaker 5:And then we did, like, a little day hike on the second day. That was, like, 4 miles.
Speaker 3:With the packs?
Speaker 4:Or was it It
Speaker 5:was a lighter packs, but
Speaker 4:Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay.
Speaker 3:Right. The the we didn't realize till later that if you stop, it's way worse. If you like, if you take a break while you're hiking, to get back up after sitting down on a rock and to get going again is way worse than just
Speaker 4:going through. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've I've noticed that when my roommate and I go backpacking.
Speaker 4:We try to go backpacking a couple times a year and, like, we take a break at every mile. Oh. And it's not a long break. We've we've actually figured out, like, the limit is about 10 minutes because after 10 minutes, you cool down too much. And then you're right.
Speaker 4:Like, it gets to that point where you're just like, man, I don't
Speaker 3:I don't wanna get up.
Speaker 4:7 miles and you're like, I don't wanna get up. I don't wanna put this thing on again. That kind of thing. And so we we have to take those breaks, but we we've learned that, like, 10 minutes is that sweet spot where it's like it's just enough time to, like, rest and recover and then not so long that you're like, I really don't wanna want to get up. And we've learned that the hard way by almost killing ourselves on a 23 mile hike in a day and a half.
Speaker 4:We had to we had to cut some of those miles out. We took some shortcuts to yeah. It's a big loop, so we cut through, like, down some roads and whatnot. But, yeah, that one, we were both feeling that one. He he did something to his ankle on that hike and couldn't walk for, like, a week.
Speaker 4:And I got so sick. Like, this was over Labor Day weekend, so we didn't have program that Monday. That we got back Monday night, like, super like, later than we wanted to. And I woke up Tuesday and I was like, Darius, I'm sorry. I I texted Darius.
Speaker 4:I was like, I have to call in sick. I feel like I got hit by a bus. And then Steven sent me a text. He's like, so what did we learn about hiking 18 miles in one day? I was like Yeah.
Speaker 3:He's one to talk. Yeah.
Speaker 2:He's the one to talk. Yeah. He's the one to talk. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Tour is Achilles. And then when he hike.
Speaker 4:On this hike. And they continued
Speaker 2:to do the
Speaker 7:hike. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4:But, yeah, it's it's good times. So Holden and Joel went on went on the Yeah.
Speaker 3:The It's a lot of fun.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Cool. Alright. Jamari, we haven't heard you yet. What have you been up to?
Speaker 4:Where are you going? What are you doing?
Speaker 7:Literally absolutely nothing. Like, I've literally just been, like, sitting there. Wait. I have like, I've been trying to find things to be productive at, but, like, other than that, like, literally nothing. I have been playing more 2 k if You know?
Speaker 7:Like, that's probably that's probably the most productive thing I did. Like What
Speaker 4:is playing 2 k with JT?
Speaker 7:Oh. I've been productive. JT and Taj, if you're, like, listening to this, just know that I'm coming for you. Just just know that I
Speaker 4:hope that they say. I hope that sounds like a challenge.
Speaker 7:I've been I've been training. I've been doing I've been doing I've been doing what it do. So I just I just hope Somehow,
Speaker 4:I still think they're going to wait for 4 with it.
Speaker 7:No. They think they're better than me. They're not.
Speaker 4:Okay. I
Speaker 7:hope they listen to this.
Speaker 3:Have you won yet, any?
Speaker 7:We're not worried about wins and losses right now. We're we're worried about We're not worried about wins
Speaker 2:and losses right now.
Speaker 7:We're we're worried about progress.
Speaker 2:You know, it's
Speaker 7:all about it's about
Speaker 2:the journey. It's about
Speaker 3:the problem. Losers say.
Speaker 8:Yep. Absolutely.
Speaker 7:Is it a loser to want to grow?
Speaker 3:I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding.
Speaker 7:I don't think he was. Yeah. Yeah. Answer that Holden,
Speaker 3:I didn't hear what you said. I was apologizing.
Speaker 7:I don't wanna repeat myself. You said
Speaker 4:is it losing to want to grow?
Speaker 6:Yeah. If you're not growing, yes.
Speaker 3:Is it losing to want to grow?
Speaker 7:To grow.
Speaker 4:Okay. So how do you know you're growing?
Speaker 7:Oh, because
Speaker 3:If you're simply wanting to grow, you could still be a loser. Yeah. Though. But just simply the desire to grow doesn't really mean much. Because everyone feels that.
Speaker 7:Because if I'm like if I'm saying, yeah, I wanna grow and then, like, you see little itty bitty, like, you know, little steps. I mean Sure.
Speaker 3:No. That's yeah. You're growing.
Speaker 6:Growth is growth.
Speaker 3:I was just saying innately, the desire doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 6:Yeah. Not really.
Speaker 3:Sorry. Well, does anyone not wanna grow?
Speaker 7:Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 4:I I can think of a few people off the top of my head who
Speaker 3:genuinely like people who are better at
Speaker 4:anything? Yes.
Speaker 3:Are there people
Speaker 7:are there people out there out like that in the world like this?
Speaker 4:Yes. They are. That's what yeah. I know some of them, and it's heartbreaking. I'm like, how do you not wanna learn things or not wanna grow?
Speaker 4:Like
Speaker 3:Sounds very sad.
Speaker 4:Can, like, sitting there playing Minecraft all day
Speaker 6:2 k.
Speaker 4:Be exciting. I was looking for a change in Jabari. I
Speaker 7:can I can wear?
Speaker 4:How can sitting there playing Minecraft all day be, like, your lifestyle, like, and you're okay with this?
Speaker 5:Oh, no. You know what it sounds like they need?
Speaker 6:Jesus. James,
Speaker 2:you s. Him too.
Speaker 5:What's that coach holding? A mentor?
Speaker 4:A mentor. A mentor.
Speaker 7:Come on down the mic.
Speaker 4:That's valid. I mean, that's valid. I have a way to bring the conversation back to mentoring Joel. Angel. Because we were not there yet.
Speaker 3:That's I love it. That's true. A good mentor should definitely call you on
Speaker 7:your That could be a commercial.
Speaker 3:Call you on your stuff.
Speaker 7:That could be like a 4 runner commercial.
Speaker 4:A 4 runner?
Speaker 7:Oh. Like, are you tired of sitting on the couch playing 2 k and not doing anything and just relaxing? Well, come on down to 4 and, you
Speaker 4:know, you can do it.
Speaker 7:Like, that's what's happening.
Speaker 4:You can do it like Johnstown.
Speaker 7:I have to.
Speaker 3:Are you a loser? I'm a 4 Runner.
Speaker 7:Come on, man. God. Steven, we have All we
Speaker 2:tell you.
Speaker 4:We have your new marketing campaign, Steven.
Speaker 3:That'd be terrible. Can you imagine? Is your kid a loser?
Speaker 7:You have
Speaker 4:to have parents go, yeah,
Speaker 6:I guess.
Speaker 5:This is mentoring in 2015. Right?
Speaker 4:Right. Oh, no. Right. Oh, no. But a trade wreck?
Speaker 5:By the time they're, like, 5 years old, definitely a loser. Yeah. I'm I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think
Speaker 3:I think the problem is probably the opposite.
Speaker 6:It's the parents.
Speaker 3:No. Oh, what?
Speaker 6:I was gonna say that.
Speaker 3:I was gonna say, you know, you tell you tell enough kids they can be anything, and it's not always it's not always true.
Speaker 4:It's not always true. Every kid has potential. That potential is just different for every kid.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 2:It's
Speaker 4:true. Not every kid can
Speaker 3:be present. It's just not possible.
Speaker 6:That's true. Mhmm. But but mine will be. So Okay. For sure.
Speaker 6:No. Oh, wow.
Speaker 8:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:That would be pretty Speak
Speaker 4:to my crime.
Speaker 7:Let's normalize realistic expectations. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Translate to
Speaker 3:Raleigh. That's a good one. I like it. Normalize You're gonna name your kid Raleigh though?
Speaker 6:That's my last name. No.
Speaker 3:I know.
Speaker 6:That's my last name.
Speaker 3:But no one calls him
Speaker 6:They will. Raleigh.
Speaker 4:I'd start calling him Raleigh squared.
Speaker 6:Raleigh. Who do we get here?
Speaker 3:I wanna skip the junior and name my son the 3rd.
Speaker 6:That does sound nice.
Speaker 3:Like, just so I can, like you can call him Trey. You can call him the 3rd.
Speaker 6:I was supposed to be a 3rd. I was supposed to be Richard the 3rd.
Speaker 3:Did they why'd they change it?
Speaker 6:It's a long story. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Oh.
Speaker 6:But it's yeah.
Speaker 3:I can see the pain behind
Speaker 7:your accent.
Speaker 3:He's supposed to be a third.
Speaker 8:No. I do not wanna be Richard the 3rd.
Speaker 3:Why not? That's that's such a cool name. Richard the 3rd?
Speaker 5:Richard the 3rd.
Speaker 6:It is, but it's also not because, like, Richard senior, Richard junior, and then you're just
Speaker 3:Richard the 3rd. He sounds stronger than Richard Raleigh the Brian. That that is a day. Richard Raleigh the 3rd?
Speaker 4:That's not bad.
Speaker 6:Okay. Now I'm Can I
Speaker 3:just sound better in Britishism?
Speaker 7:British ism?
Speaker 6:British ism?
Speaker 7:British ism? British anise or something?
Speaker 2:What are you gonna what
Speaker 5:are you going to give us a British accent, Jamari?
Speaker 8:Richard Brule and Nathan.
Speaker 7:Like, it just sounds better like that. Like, it just sounds better in British economy. I don't know.
Speaker 4:An English accent, is that what you're looking for?
Speaker 7:No. Like, British no. Like, a British accent. Like, British andese. You know, like
Speaker 4:British andese is
Speaker 7:But, like, in British It's not
Speaker 3:a language.
Speaker 7:But, like, it's like an accent. Like, it's like a different, like It's
Speaker 6:an English accent.
Speaker 7:It is?
Speaker 3:Yes. Yeah. No one calls what we speak here Americanese. True.
Speaker 7:But I feel like you can kinda like No.
Speaker 4:People Jamar, people who live in Great Britain live in England. Therefore, they speak English.
Speaker 6:Are you serious?
Speaker 7:Yes. Yo. What? See,
Speaker 4:it's I'm a history, listen.
Speaker 7:I can't
Speaker 6:tell this is growing. This is I always
Speaker 7:be growing.
Speaker 4:This is why we work at 4 100.
Speaker 7:You know, always be growing.
Speaker 6:Grow as you go.
Speaker 7:I promise you I'm not, like, dumb or anything. I just well Well,
Speaker 6:you're so smart. You're so smart. Did you say that?
Speaker 4:English originated in America?
Speaker 3:There's no way you actually believe that.
Speaker 4:Jamari, don't know.
Speaker 3:Are you serious? No. You didn't.
Speaker 7:I'm being a 100% honest. It's been a long time.
Speaker 6:Integrity is a long
Speaker 3:time. People that came to America come from?
Speaker 6:No. I'll give you
Speaker 4:a hit. It's Great Britain.
Speaker 7:Oh my god. Wow. It I took a gap year. Okay? So you know Oh my god.
Speaker 7:I took a gap year. That's what it changed. Anything. Hey. It's like, you know you know when you're in school,
Speaker 4:I took a gap year. I forgot, man. Wow.
Speaker 2:We're fine. Addition. Did
Speaker 5:you say the gap year for all of history?
Speaker 4:Yeah. No.
Speaker 7:I just Just like my gap
Speaker 2:year for
Speaker 3:all of history. Year. I stopped
Speaker 6:on a school. High school gap year.
Speaker 7:If that makes sense. So, like No.
Speaker 4:It don't.
Speaker 7:Like, I didn't mean to not unlearn what I learned. Did that does that Yeah. Okay. That okay.
Speaker 4:Well, England and Great Britain are the same place. They speak English in Great Britain because England. We got our language from them. So Wow. They speak in an English accent.
Speaker 4:We speak in many different accents because we're America and we're huge. But we have, like, the southern accent, the Boston accent, the the Midwest accent.
Speaker 6:From the Bronx? From the Bronx.
Speaker 7:I love I love New York accents. Yeah. They're crazy. I wanna be New York and Oh. I was gonna say New York and New York, but apparently, you know, it's I I like New York accents.
Speaker 7:I wish I could be a
Speaker 4:New York. Well, let's get back to mentoring.
Speaker 7:Oh, sorry. Mentoring. Yes. Mentoring. Yeah.
Speaker 7:Man of
Speaker 8:Told you, Josh. I told you.
Speaker 4:I know.
Speaker 8:I told you
Speaker 4:this. This was gonna be
Speaker 6:It's like if you invite Jamari, this thing is gone.
Speaker 7:I but I was just I'm just learning.
Speaker 6:You're just being honest. Yeah.
Speaker 7:I'm the learner.
Speaker 4:Well, and You
Speaker 7:Yeah. I mean Uh-huh. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And being honest is just a form of integrity. Right?
Speaker 7:Yeah. Integrity. Leadership and respect. Yep. Wait.
Speaker 7:What? Responsibility, humility. I mean, responsibility, humility, integrity, leadership and respect. Yeah. But I'm into it.
Speaker 4:Really where I was going with that is it's a form of integrity, and we're kinda just diving into a similar talk we topic we talked about last week, which, yes, that episode did go out late because I'm you know, I was on vacation. So I was really struggling to get that out. So the guys here as we're recording this happen actually heard that episode, but hopefully you guys have. The we talked for like a solid hour in that episode just about integrity and like a really interesting kinda take on integrity of this idea of like everybody thinks about integrity being doing what you say you're gonna do or telling the truth even when or, you know, like doing something even when nobody is looking that kind of thing. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:But within that was another we looked at it from another lens of, like, this idea that integrity is those things. Yes. Physically and outward, but inward having inward integrity is kind of this idea of, like, being willing to acknowledge where you are at. Yeah. And then with your mentees also being willing to admit to your mentees when you're not quote unquote the perfect mentor.
Speaker 4:Right? And we're not talking necessarily about, like, confessing sins. Mhmm. But this idea of, like, you know, if you're having a hard day rather than trying to kinda push through it and fake it and and be happy and excited and and all of these things that are draining, you know, when you're with your mentee, just being honest with them and being like, I'm just gonna be honest. I'm not feeling it today.
Speaker 4:I'm still here. I still showed up because I love you, but I'm like, I'm having a really hard day, so I need your help to, like, to help with this relationship as opposed to feeling like you have to carry that relationship. So it was a really interesting idea. I guess, you know, within that is just what y'all thoughts are as you ponder that. If you have anything else you wanna add to that, that kind of thing.
Speaker 3:At what age do you think that's I guess my thought process is, like, the mentors that are in the k through 6 program Yeah. Are I mean, the there's obviously because it's it's children and adults. They're so far away that I feel like the idea of, like, when you say, you know, I'm having a really rough day, I but I'm here because I love you, which I think is is fine to say, I think it's I think you get less fruit from that the younger they are because there's a lot like like, when they're older, you can be more and more transparent because
Speaker 4:Kinda doing the whole, like, I'm having a rough day because this, this, and this happened.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's just like you're able to because kids are more emotionally aware the older that they Yeah. They grow up, and so the older they get. And so I guess I guess I have mixed feelings about that. Like, the the idea of sharing Yeah.
Speaker 3:That kind of thing, mostly because I think so much of what, personally, I would want to instill into a 15 year old boy is that you can find joy and peace outside of the circumstances surrounding a day Right. Or a life. And so but at the same time, there's obvious cases where things get really difficult. Yeah. So it's like there's I I don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't know where that balance lies of displaying the idea that I'm having a rough day, but I have joy in the fact that I get to be here with you, and I I get to be available for this relationship.
Speaker 2:And
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's a blessing from the Lord, and there's a there's a kind of gratitude that goes along with that. But on the other side, you don't you know? Like you said, you don't wanna fake it till you make it.
Speaker 2:That doesn't
Speaker 3:doesn't that's unhelpful as well because then it kids can tell.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so I don't know. I have mixed feelings about what it looks like to be a mentor and to sometimes display character authentically, but at the same time you it's almost like when I step into a relationship with a younger person in that way, it's like there's a calling up that God does inside of me where it's like, I'm gonna be better than maybe I would normally be. And I think that's a part of, like, what what it means to be a mentor or a pastor or a leader of any kind is there's this idea that there's a there's a certain accountability and a certain calling up that comes with leading anything.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I guess that's where my I go back and forth on on the what it, yeah, I guess what what it looks like to have a healthy relationship with transparency in a mentor a a direct mentor to mentee. Like, it's established that this is the dynamic.
Speaker 4:Right. Well, and then I have two thoughts. 1, it gets even more complicated when it's an after school program.
Speaker 5:For sure.
Speaker 4:Right? Because not only are we in this mentoring mentee relationship, but it's not a 1 on 1 mentoring mentee relationship. It's a 1 on 15 or whatever Right. Relationship. And so it is already harder to give that kind of 1 on 1 dynamic to every single student because you just can't.
Speaker 4:That's a reality of group mentoring is it's guiding it's shepherding them collectively Right. More than it is leading down a single path behind you. So there's that aspect. And on top of that is the the after school element of that in the sense that we we have standards that we have to stick to that are prescribed by the school district because they let us be in the schools. They let us pour into the students and work with us really, really well.
Speaker 4:But within that is there are guidelines that we can't cross, and there are things that we can't talk about because the the school district has put that boundary in place. And so that yeah. There are there are legitimately some things that we can't talk about at the at the level that we're talking about. Right? So things like, you know, if one of the things that we've been, at least in the junior high, have really been navigating, working through, figuring out what it looks like, whatever description you wanna use Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Is getting more conversations about sex into our curriculum at the junior high because, I mean, 13, 14 years old is the age in which most addictions to pornography or sex or lust or whatever tend to start. And the average age of exposure is getting earlier and earlier and earlier. Right? I think, Holden, you and I were talking about this, or maybe it was Joel. I don't remember which one.
Speaker 4:Holden. Yeah. So you like that average age of exposure is getting earlier and earlier and earlier.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 4:And especially with our students who don't have father figures in the home who, you know, it it does tend to fall on the father to be having this conversation. If they don't have a father in the home, then they're not getting that conversation. They're learning that from the world, which is through porn. And we've there's study after study after study and even personal experience in the mentoring group at forerunner of how destructive an addiction like that is.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 4:And so with us in the junior high, it's like we want to equip our students with the tools they need for emotional awareness, for processing, for the things that like, to be able to process the things that they would otherwise try to medicate through those negative coping behaviors. Right? And so there's a very fine line for us of, like, what can we talk about? What can't we talk about? Right?
Speaker 4:Can we talk about our personal journeys? Can we not talk about our personal journeys? Right? Things like that. And there's, like I said, there's that fine line because the school district has already stated, like, you know, you can't talk about in detail, which we wouldn't anyway.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 4:But you can't talk about in detail like your own personal life. Right? And I've had students ask me very, very personal questions which I would otherwise be open to answer, and I'm just like, I can't tell you. I can't answer your question. Not that I don't want to, but because I literally like, I am not allowed to.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I will like, we have policies in place that prevent me from answering this question kind of thing. So it does get a little more tricky with with group mentoring and being in an after school program of, like, how personal do you get? But I still think there is a value in, for example, like, you know, we we see these kids 5 days a week. Not all of those days are gonna be sunshine sunshine and rainbows.
Speaker 4:Right? If there are gonna be days that are gonna be rough, there are gonna be days where you're just like, I'm not feeling this. And Caitlin and I and Steven and Beth talked about this last week, but, you know, I think there is a value in even in those days, like, just going in at the beginning of the day and being like, what guy is like? I'm having a hard day. Maybe you don't have to say exactly why, but I'm having a hard day.
Speaker 4:I can't teach you if you're not gonna work with me kind of thing.
Speaker 7:Gotcha.
Speaker 4:And just being honest with them, I think there's a level of integrity there as well as it shows the students, one, that it's okay to be feeling these this way.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 4:But also, like, we're showing them through our actions how to navigate a situation that they may that they'll probably experience at some point in their life. Sure. Right? So it's it's mentoring. By by living out this life of integrity, it's like it's mentoring through action rather than, like, the intentional one on one communication side of it that most people think of mentoring.
Speaker 3:Gotcha.
Speaker 4:Any other thoughts?
Speaker 5:Yeah. I think for for younger kids' age like that, like, maybe I wouldn't address the group and say, like, hey. I'm having a bad day for this, then, the other reason because it might they just lose focus, like, oh, okay. Right? But what I would do is maybe, like, I would target
Speaker 4:the leaders of the group?
Speaker 5:No. Not I would I'd probably do that too, but I would I would, like, maybe pull one aside and be like, hey. How's your day? How are you doing? And then I'd share about myself personally, like, man, something really hard happened to me today.
Speaker 5:And so every kid feels connected to me Mhmm. 1 on 1, and they feel like, oh, he's going through this, but they all feel as if, like, it's personal to them instead of being in a group setting where I'd be, like, share with everybody, and then it's not as personal, so they're not gonna care as much, but it's, like, hey, I'm taking my time to tell you how my day was, and, like, it wasn't it wasn't, you know, rainbows and roses, whatever
Speaker 2:have you.
Speaker 4:And unicorns.
Speaker 5:Yeah. Whatever whatever have you. And that way, I like, I'm building, like, a more connection with the kids.
Speaker 2:That's what
Speaker 5:I go for.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 4:I like that idea.
Speaker 6:I mean, when I I had, like, kindergarteners and 1st graders, I was I don't think it there was one time that I addressed them as a group. Hey, your coach is having a hard day. Yeah. Because I don't know. It kind of gives permission to be a little bit more rebellious than you naturally would be because you see your coach doesn't have as much control.
Speaker 6:And that sounds like really not personable at all or vulnerable, but I think it's true. And but in that, I would do the same thing because there was some days that I just was more prone to get frustrated, more prone to, like my kids, it was stuff like, oh my gosh, coach Big Red didn't give me a Band Aid. Like, I'm having the worst day of my life. And I have to be quick to apologize for things that I normally wouldn't apologize for.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 6:If it's a 6th grader and I don't get you a Band Aid, bro, you got it. Like, I don't I'm not gracious in that way. But if you're a kindergartner and I don't get you a Band Aid, I'm gonna make it a bigger deal because that means something more to you. And I probably didn't do it because I was just driving on 6:35, and my head's 3 different places, and I'm chasing kids down a parking lot. But in that way, I would make it a bigger deal for them and probably give them a reason from my day of like, hey, I'm sorry.
Speaker 6:I'm thinking about a lot right now, and that doesn't give me any excuse not to care about you. Right.
Speaker 2:But
Speaker 6:I want I wanna make sure that you know that I'm sorry, that I didn't do this or that I did do this. But I think in the area of getting vulnerable, a lot of them would tell me something about their life, and I would be able to like, they would say something about their dad and, like, their dad not being present. And just because of my story, I would be able to relate with them without telling them too much information.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 6:And so they would just be like, I'm sad because I don't see my dad much. And I would be able to say, when I was a kid, I felt the same exact way.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 6:That way they know that when they grow up, they can do things like I'm doing and even more, but I am being personable, vulnerable, and not sharing too much.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's good. And I think you're right. I mean, I think there is a, like, a a level of vulnerability based off of the age. Right?
Speaker 4:Like, me with my junior high students, like, the things they're going through are real and Yeah. Are things that I went through. And I can be like, look. I I know how you feel Yes. Because I dealt with bullying.
Speaker 4:I dealt with feeling isolated at home or, like, nobody cares or whatever. It's like I dealt with these things. And this is I don't, you know, I don't get too specific in the sense of, like, that led me down this path, and this is what I do to cope with it and etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. But it's like, you know, I can be like, those things do influence me to want to cope in a negative way.
Speaker 6:Yes.
Speaker 4:But this is what I do otherwise. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Right?
Speaker 4:You know, it's that kind of thing where with with 7th 8th graders, you know, you can be a little bit more I use the word lightly specific
Speaker 6:Uh-huh.
Speaker 4:As opposed to keeping it 30,000 foot because the things that they're dealing with are very specific. Yes. Right? The situations may be slightly different, but the theme is the same.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And so and especially because they're right at that, like I said, that point of puberty where interest in girls or or whatever
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Is is starting to come out. Like, it it it feels like there's an urgency there to be more open and honest with them, to show them kind of the the way not to do it, if that makes sense. Sure. It's like, don't don't follow my footsteps in this because I made the wrong decisions. Learn from me and seek that wisdom ahead.
Speaker 4:Right? Proverbs, seek that wisdom on the front end so that you don't have to deal with a life of x y z.
Speaker 6:Yeah. True.
Speaker 4:Whereas for a 5th nerve, for a 5 or 6 year old, right, like,
Speaker 3:the They're not even thinking about tomorrow yet.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Exactly. They they can't even think about tomorrow.
Speaker 5:Coping?
Speaker 2:That's what
Speaker 4:you're doing right now. But for a 5 or 6 year old, like, they're so concrete. Right? Like, their their focus is not about, you know, so and so did this thing to me, and it bothered me. This is how I'm dealing with it, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Speaker 4:They can't even identify that. Like Yeah. 56 year olds, you they need just help learning how to put language to that why they're crying. Yeah. Right?
Speaker 4:Mhmm. Or they just need to feel loved or something like that. So the priorities, I think, are different, and that's why I think that works is because and, like, why you can keep a 30,000 foot
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Is because they just need to know that there's somebody there who understands them and empathizes with them. Whereas the junior high students, they're old enough now that it's like they need to know that somebody that the person they're talking to has gone through or experienced what they're what they're listening or what they're experiencing.
Speaker 6:Yeah. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And in a more finite way.
Speaker 6:Yeah. I think just being with the younger guys, I've noticed the attention to detail is so like, even thinking about when I was I don't know. I have my earliest memories are, like, 7, so I wasn't even in kindergarten. But I remember, like, small things that wouldn't bother me now, like, shook me as a kid. You know what I mean?
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 6:And I just think it's kids are just so prone to assume it's about them. Like, they're already, like, they're just very selfish as we're all selfish as kids. They're prone to assume it's about them and prone to assume it's something bad. Like Mhmm. Prone to assume, like, oh, he doesn't care about me because of x, y, and z when it's just, you know, we're watching 15 kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah. There's a weird inverse now where it's like kids are getting older quicker in a sense because of what they're inundated with, like, in school and social media, and at the same time, it stunts their ability to be objective about things because everyone's life says that the world is falling right now. Like, be because of individuality in kids through social media and through, like, the idea that you could see everyone's interpersonal life or what they show it to be. Like, because of that, there's this weird thing happening where kids are getting older quicker in one way, and they're also being slower to develop any kind of objective, genuinely helpful ways to become emotionally stable because everyone is, like, there's nothing wrong with any of the emotions that you have, and you are you are good to feel everything that you could ever feel and no one should ever correct your emotions, which is not biblical. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:By the way, if anyone's ever told you that yeah. If anyone's ever told you that your emotions are your emotions and it doesn't matter, like, no one can tell you that you shouldn't feel something, Jesus did not think that. So stop thinking that. That's not true. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And the
Speaker 3:same thing goes for kids. You can teach a kid really early on that, like, hey, we don't you do not respond to this situation with anger. Yeah. And that's, like, half of the k through 6 program is just Yeah. Trying to teach the boys that not every situation where you feel something that's not positive
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Necessarily means that you need to blow up about it. Yeah. It's like you can you can be upset, and it's okay to like, in the way that fear is less something you can control
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 6:But
Speaker 3:there's an amount of like, the brother of fear is anxiety, and anxiety is the willful, like, thinking in a cyclical manner willfully on a particular subject that you cannot change.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so it in that way, right, it's it's hard not to your body is built fear is built into your body. You can't really It's hard to change what you just naturally get afraid of, but not every negative thing you have to respond to with blowing up or Mhmm. Even even, like, getting really upset. Like, some half of teaching kids at 4 Runner is, like, hey, not everything warrants how upset you got. Like, you know, Billy Bob Jones there are no kids named Billy Bob Jones in 4 Runner.
Speaker 3:Billy Bob Jones over there, He called you an idiot. That's true. But he calls everyone an idiot every day. We're working on it. So you don't need to like, he doesn't he doesn't even know what he's saying.
Speaker 3:So just don't don't worry about it. Just walk away and let it let it go. And so I think that's what's yeah. It's just it's interesting that the stuff that's going on because of the interaction of social media and individualization along with the idea that no one is ever wrong because everything is about how you feel.
Speaker 4:And there's no such thing as absolute truth.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:It's it's all it's very weird how much of that stuff gets down to 5 6 year olds.
Speaker 4:Who have TikTok.
Speaker 3:Who have yeah. Who have TikTok and have opinions that there's no way they could have outside of things that they just happen to hear. Because there there are some boys that told me some things last year about politics. A 6 year old has a political opinion. It's like, bro, you don't know what you don't have any idea what you're talking about, man.
Speaker 3:So You can't even multiply. Yeah. Yeah. You just learned addition yesterday. So how how is it possible that you like or dislike this person?
Speaker 4:Well, but that in and of itself is not new. Like, the idea of a a 6 or 7 year old having political opinion. Like, I remember even when I was growing up, like
Speaker 5:Really?
Speaker 4:The the presidential election of, I don't know, 2,004, I think it was. Like, I'm in, like, 4th grade, and everybody's like, who would you vote for? This and the other thing. And I'm like, I don't even know who these people are nor do I really care. And I was the pariah because I didn't have a political opinion.
Speaker 3:That's weird. I do not. I don't remember. I don't remember. Personally, I don't remember.
Speaker 6:I didn't care.
Speaker 3:Anything other than yeah. Nothing.
Speaker 2:Now I
Speaker 5:saw him on the television, like, it was a George Walker Bush versus Al Gore.
Speaker 4:No. I think that was, I think that was 2000.
Speaker 5:That was 2000? Well, I just dated myself, but, like, I I I I
Speaker 6:don't remember that one for sure.
Speaker 5:I know. I didn't even Well, you were
Speaker 4:3 years old. So
Speaker 5:No. You're, like, 0 You were
Speaker 6:ever I wasn't I wasn't here.
Speaker 5:I I looked at him on the television and, like, my bay my basis for, like, who I'd vote for was, like, the one person looked better. Yeah. That's fair. That's what I that's what I that's fair. Child.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. As a child, it's like who looks the part kinda thing. And I mean, you know, what are there are there kids in the k through 6 program that are talking about, like, the the big, like, political debate things like a bullshit and everything.
Speaker 6:That part of you think the Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's just like movements that they
Speaker 4:Oh, okay. Like political movements. Right. It's yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Gotcha.
Speaker 3:It's an it's an interesting time in k through 6 sometimes.
Speaker 2:But I
Speaker 5:I wanted to go back to the emotional part because I think that's a massive thing that we deal with Yeah. During our program because, like, emotions are definitely indicators of something Yeah.
Speaker 2:True.
Speaker 5:That's happening. And for
Speaker 3:a lot of
Speaker 5:our boys that come from a fatherless home is that, like, there's nobody speaking identity Mhmm. Into their lives. And so every loss, whether, you know, you didn't get a multiplication question that they were having that they were playing with their buddies, like, that becomes an issue. Or if you lose at Foursquare, basketball, whatever have you, to a boy that doesn't have an active father figure speaking identity into their lives, it is, like, so devastating.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 5:And so you're constantly, like, reassuring, retelling them, and it's almost like it's almost like the same thing every day, and you don't know when it's gonna change. Like, hey. Right.
Speaker 2:Like
Speaker 3:This is their identity. It's momentary. Yeah. Like, it's it's all based on
Speaker 6:What's happening?
Speaker 3:What's happening right now. If I if I win this, I'm I'm a good person or I feel good about myself, and if I lose right now, every the the whole world sucks.
Speaker 5:Man. It's
Speaker 3:very weird. Yeah. Because they they yeah. Just know they have no when you don't grow I think sorry. I've been talking a lot.
Speaker 6:No. Keep going. Keep going.
Speaker 3:I think that what you said is exactly right because, ideally, your parent pours love into you for the first 5, 6 years of your life, and then by the time you get to a place where you start losing at games or you get bad grades or you lose friends or your friends hit you in the face or something. Like, by the time you get to an age where those things start happening, there's an idea that your worth is somewhat outside of the things that happen or the things that you participate in.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Whereas if you go your whole life and you're you know, boys especially are wired to care about their father's opinion. You go you go your whole life without hearing anything anything at all or anything positive at all from your father.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:By the time you get to that place, it's like, there's no there's no outside of right now, and the only thing I can do is feel good right now, and the only way to feel good right now is to win. So I'm gonna if I don't win at this game or if I don't win at school, if I don't win at friendships, then
Speaker 4:It's a performance driven identity. You're right.
Speaker 3:And it's all based on scope outside of things that
Speaker 4:Yeah. It's based off of other people's opinions, and and that's something that I can relate to really strongly, and that's something that I actively, like, look for in the boys even in the junior high because, oh my gosh, the junior high is so performance. Right? And, you know, I have to be liked. I have to be the best, whatever.
Speaker 4:It's like, as soon as that doesn't happen, they go from, like, super happy to super angry in the blink of an eye. It's surprising. But it's like, that's something I can relate to because that was me growing up was, like, I had a father in the home, but he he wasn't always the most affirming. Right? And so between that and some other things with, like, my sisters and whatnot, what what ended up happening was I I was the kid who would seek love and seek their attention and affirmation through performance.
Speaker 4:Right? And so I had to be the best at school. I had to be the best athlete. I had to be the whatever it was I was gonna do, I had to be the best to the point where, like and and this was not just in junior high. Like, I remember I was the worst kid to play games with, like board games, because if I didn't win, I got ridiculously upset.
Speaker 3:Like Taj? It's not even not even here to defend yourself. Here.
Speaker 6:Not even here.
Speaker 4:That's a
Speaker 3:low blow.
Speaker 4:Like, I I would I seriously like, I would get so upset I'm, like, bawling my eyes out because I didn't win.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Right? Because I had learned subconsciously, like, I have to win to get my parents' praise. Right? And and, I mean, that was part of the reason I went to grad school and the reason I finished high school and college. And a bunch of these other things that I've done and achieved, like, at some level, each one of those has always been motivated by setting the bar so high that my sisters can't ever achieve it so that I can outshine them.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Right? And so that's my story growing up. I know that's my story growing up. Like, being a mentor and being essentially a father figure to these boys who don't have father figures, I'm looking for that.
Speaker 4:Right? I'm looking for those points where they're, like, speaking that shame over themselves and that that shame identity of, like, I have to x y z. I'm like, no. You don't. Like, I'm going to love you whether you perform or not.
Speaker 4:Right? I'm gonna love you no matter what you do. And then I and then going through and showing them that has been like, that's where I've seen a lot of progress in our students in the junior high has been through that consistency. Like, they start to respond to that. And so, eventually, they get to the point, like, you know, if they're obsessed with something being perfect.
Speaker 4:I've seen students go from, like, borderline OCD, like clinical OCD, to accepting that the little square on the stick on isn't straight and it's okay. Right? Things like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Jamari, what was because you're the only one of us that has been through like, in the program. So what is it like or what was it like, but also what is it like now being on the outside, and you're a part of all these conversations about, like, these people that think a lot and talk a lot about how to best help
Speaker 4:The next generation when you are the next generation.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right. So what has that been like?
Speaker 7:Like, how I experienced it while I was like
Speaker 2:Well,
Speaker 3:like, in it, and then now that you're not now that you've essentially flip flopped roles Mhmm. What's the like, what what was most helpful while you were in it, and what do you think could be more helpful now being the only one who's been in program?
Speaker 6:Like, you're
Speaker 4:you're kind of like our little spy because you went through program. Our little spy. And now you get to, like, spill the tea on, like, hey. I wish I had this while I was in program. So now we can do
Speaker 7:Y'all did pretty great because I'm, like, here. So,
Speaker 2:I mean That's
Speaker 4:what I mean. I didn't do anything. I didn't beat you until after you graduated.
Speaker 7:Like, the 4 runner
Speaker 3:There are some boys after who came back to coaching 12 years would be pretty nuts.
Speaker 4:There are
Speaker 2:some boys
Speaker 4:be awesome. There's some boys in the junior high that I'm like I actually told Darius this today. I was like, we need to get them on staff in 4 years when they graduate.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That would be awesome.
Speaker 7:Anyway, Jamar. I thought it was weird in a sense of, like, it was kind of like when you have people, like, speaking life into you, like, all of a sudden out of nowhere, it's like, what are you, like, what is this? Like, I don't know what, like it's kind of like a different world, if that makes sense.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. I
Speaker 7:had to kind of learn to kind of like be okay with somebody asking me about my day, telling me I'm this, I'm that, like, all these positive things. So I think it's
Speaker 4:it was just real different,
Speaker 7:but a good different. And what was your second question? Like, how
Speaker 3:Like, how is it now that you're in now that you are a leader in a in program
Speaker 7:Right.
Speaker 3:How or how has you been being in program affected the way that you look at it now or think about coaching now? Because you grew from, like even from when I came halfway through the year Mhmm. To the end, you grew a lot.
Speaker 6:Yes. And
Speaker 3:then to hear other coaches who are here the whole year talk about how much you've grown, it's even more than I saw, and so there's obviously something that's happened even in this year. And so I'm curious if that has any correlation to the fact that you were in program. Yeah. At at one point, you were a boy who was not getting love or love porn into him and then it that switched when you joined?
Speaker 7:Sometimes I put myself, like, in the mindset of, like, how I was when I was in program because sometimes I sometimes, barely, sometimes. Like, I kinda know how a kid is feeling because of, like, where I was if that makes I don't know if that
Speaker 4:makes sense. It does. Yeah.
Speaker 7:I'm trying to, like, I'm trying to, like, frank, like because, like, when I what was that? Throb. When I was in Throb, I was sitting there listening, and I knew This is so hard to, like
Speaker 2:I don't know how to, like It's like
Speaker 3:it wasn't that long ago. Right? Like, you were in the same similar mindset as some of the boys that are in program, and so you can kind of it's easy for you to put yourself.
Speaker 2:But it
Speaker 7:kinda relates to the older kids more. That's why I'm trying to, like, because I know what they're thinking in their heads.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 7:Like, if I'm being, like, completely honest, sometimes some kids are there for the wrong motive. Like, they're just there to, like
Speaker 6:A lot of kids.
Speaker 7:Right. Pizza Yeah. Basketball, like, I'm just there to just have fun, but honestly, I think it just depends on, like, the person. Because me, I actually wanted to hear what Yeah. You had to say because I felt something different that I've never felt.
Speaker 7:So, of course, I'm gonna kinda like gravitate over there, see what you gotta say, like, you know, but I'm I'm trying to like I know it sounds like a bunch of just blah blah blah blah, but I'm trying to like I'm trying to like paint like
Speaker 4:A picture. Yeah.
Speaker 7:Paint a picture. Yeah.
Speaker 4:But I'm tracking. I mean, it I don't know. From what it sounds like, it's like you because you went through program and because you grew up experiencing the things that the boys experience, like, you because of your background, you have the ability to truly not just empathize, but sympathize with the students. Right? Empathize being like, I know how you feel.
Speaker 4:Sympathize being like, I've done or I've gone through exactly what you're going through. Right? And so because of that, it's like giving you kind of a a leg up or an ability to to, like, truly connect to your students because you can sit there and go, like, I see you. Like, I truly see you. I know exactly what you're going through because I went through the exact same thing.
Speaker 4:And then on top of that, you can sit there or you can go through that and look at it from the lens of being a kid in program. Right? Even though you only went through Thrive and so you were older, that kind of thing, you still had those experiences. You still got to see, you know, how Darius and Andrew and the mentors, like, intentionally poured into you. Right?
Speaker 4:And and in a sense, you're like, it it I don't know. Because I'm junior high, I haven't really seen how you interact with the students outside of little snippets. I'm the others could probably attest to this, but it's almost like you're modeling your mentoring, your coaching after Darius and Andrew and like what you were given, if that makes sense.
Speaker 7:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So in a sense, it's one of those things where it's like you because because of your history in in going through program, like, you you are the, like, ideal person to be on staff because you know what program was and you knew the things that went real worked really, really well and you know the things that from from a kid's standpoint, right, from a participant standpoint, you you got to sit there and you were like, this worked really, really well. I loved it when coach Darius did x, y, z. And you can also sit there and go, this didn't work really well. Like, I don't think this had the intended effect you were shooting for. Maybe there's a way in which we adapt this.
Speaker 4:Right? Like, you have that perspective because you were the kid. Whereas the rest of us, like, we're only guessing. Right? As a junior as the junior high site lead, half of the things that I'm doing, I'm like, I have no idea if this is gonna work or not.
Speaker 4:I'm like, we're we're responding to a situation. This we've noticed this pattern happening of, you know, kids doing x y z. This is I think this is how we respond to this. I think this is what we do to make like, to to resolve the situation or to target it, whatever. You know, kids are constantly lying.
Speaker 4:We're harping on integrity. Right? Like and and this is a real world example. In the junior high, we had a problem with kids acting out the leaders of our group, like the natural leaders acting out, and then the whole group would start acting out because they were following the leader. And so what we did was we started, like, targeting that and going like, okay.
Speaker 4:Who's our leader today? Right? And we would single out a specific student. Who volunteered? We didn't like you know, we didn't be like, you're our leader today.
Speaker 4:We were like, who's our leader? And they they would volunteer themselves. Right? But then we would work with them throughout that day of like, hey. Like, you're our leader, so your it's your job to get them to meet expectations and and get them to lock in and this, that, and the other thing and give them really specific, like, expectations for them to meet.
Speaker 4:And they did amazing at that. Right? That well, that's one of those where we're like, we think this might work, but we really have no idea. Whereas you have the perspective from the student, and you could be like, yeah. This this would work, or I don't think that's gonna have the effect you think it's going to.
Speaker 4:Does that make sense? Yeah. Is that kinda what you're trying to say?
Speaker 7:Yeah. But it honestly, it just depends on the person because it's like spreading the gospel. Like, you can say and do so much, but, honestly, it just depends on Yeah. The person. There's only so much that you can do.
Speaker 7:So I I think it just depends how I was before, what I was looking for and how I came out after. So I don't
Speaker 4:you've been quiet over there. You got anything? You
Speaker 2:got it.
Speaker 3:You got enough rings on, Ryan? No.
Speaker 6:Not really.
Speaker 4:You got nothing? Nope. Anybody else got anything?
Speaker 5:Maybe I do have something.
Speaker 4:I knew you had something. I can say.
Speaker 3:You were making your thinking faces. Yeah.
Speaker 8:You were.
Speaker 6:You were. Yes.
Speaker 4:Oh. You have a thinking face.
Speaker 3:Oh. And you were making it.
Speaker 5:I mean, I guess, like
Speaker 6:A lot.
Speaker 5:For just as a as a member on staff, now you only have one other person with you at the junior high. But
Speaker 4:For now, hopefully.
Speaker 5:But for us, we have, like, 4 other people to look at.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And
Speaker 5:so, like, we're constantly gleaming or, you know, panning for gold. Like, okay. Coach Holden said this to a kid, or he he let out, like, this way, or coach Ryan used a call and response, or I saw coach Samari the way he interacted with that child. Like, you just constantly, like, are picking up things Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5:From each other to help you do your job, and, like, that's amazing. Helpful. Whereas it's hard it's hard to have, like, start from scratch and just be like, man, I don't know what's gonna happen with these kids. Like, thankfully, we have really good training at ornament training. Come work for us, by the way.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Come work. We're hiring.
Speaker 7:I've stolen so many things from y'all just to let you know. Like, I've stolen so many, like, stuff that I've seen y'all do around programs, so I'm not an original. I'm just
Speaker 3:Well, everyone does stuff really everyone does something really well.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So it's really helpful Yeah. Because, yeah, because you can just take all the best stuff that everyone does, and then you just you can either copy it directly. That's a nice thing too. You could I could just take something Taj said 10 minutes ago to his group and just say the exact same thing.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:And they'll do the exact same.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:So so so nice. Doesn't work as much with coach Ryan's kids because they're a little more enthusiastic than some of the 4th 5th grade boys. But
Speaker 4:Marching down the road with the ducks. Yeah. They're still working a lot like it does.
Speaker 3:Ryan's disposition towards the boys is something that
Speaker 8:Thank you.
Speaker 3:I wish I had more of because I am I don't know. Like,
Speaker 2:he's not
Speaker 5:I'm like
Speaker 4:is not quite
Speaker 6:a problem. Let's have
Speaker 3:the deepest conversation I can have with this 4th grade boy about why he shouldn't call someone the n word. And the kid's like He's
Speaker 6:gonna have to edit that out. If no. No.
Speaker 4:No. He's not gonna
Speaker 7:edit it out. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And and then It's real. Coach I hear coach Ryan singing to the kids across the room. It's completely different. But I probably I need more of that, and I need more of, like, the ability to just kind of be ridiculous at points for for the enjoyment of the boys.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I think I think there is that dynamic. And and Joel, you're right where we you guys in the k through 6 get to experience that with each other a little bit more than we do at the junior high because there's 3 times as many people many coaches there as at the junior high. We only have myself and JT, and JT and I are very, very different. So we do get to experience that, like, gleaning things a little bit because we are very different and we're different in our approach to mentoring.
Speaker 4:But at the same time, JT and I have learned to play to our strengths. Right? We don't have the same structure as the k through 6 where you guys have very specific groups of kids that are your kids that you pour into. It's like we're just one big group. Right?
Speaker 4:We we have 16 kids and the 2 coaches like, it's just the 2 coaches pour into all 16 kids at the same time as opposed to Ryan with his kindergarten and 1st graders and and Holden with his 4th 5th graders and Taj with his 5th 6th, you know, that kind of thing. It's like you guys have your very specific kids that, yes, you still have a relationship with the other grades and and know them by name and know who they are and that kind of thing. But, like, when it comes down to it, it's like, you know, you are responsible for your kids. Junior high is like it's 7th and 8th graders, and we there are some things that we segregate out into by grade and JT takes the the 7th graders. I take the 8th graders.
Speaker 4:But the vast majority of it, it's like we're all together. We're all doing the same thing. We're all pouring into it. And so JT and I have learned to play to our strengths. For example, I'm a lot more ad administrative, logistical, authoritarian, which is has a negative connotation.
Speaker 4:But in this way, it or in this in in this scenario, it actually works really well because JT is not those. JT is very enthusiastic and joyful and relational and will, like, sit there and and play connect for with the same kid for 35 minutes because that's what they wanna do, that kind of thing. Right? And so a lot of the discipline goes to me because that's that's what I am strong in Mhmm. Versus a lot of the more, like, fun loving, easygoing relationship building, like, we're just having fun, like, during free time kind of thing, that goes a lot more towards JT.
Speaker 4:And, yes, I'm still doing that. It's just he's a lot more effective at it. Right? And so we play to our strengths. We still learn from each other, but we play to our strengths.
Speaker 4:And that's something Darius has even highlighted in us has been like, you know, you do this really well. You do this really well. Like, you guys complement each other as a team because you have opposite strengths. And so
Speaker 5:Y'all just have, like, a strong bond.
Speaker 4:JT and I?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah. We do. Yeah. We do.
Speaker 6:Josh Squared.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Josh Squared.
Speaker 3:Which is,
Speaker 5:like, in the workplace? Because it's just, like, it's y'all too.
Speaker 4:It is. And Fun. Fortunately, we're at that point where he can or we start to anticipate each other. The first few months wasn't that way. We were still learning each other kinda thing, but, like, last semester, spring semester, we were locked in.
Speaker 4:Like, he and I it was just a like, okay. Hey. I need to go do this. He's like, cool. Right?
Speaker 4:And he knew what that meant. He knew what he needed to do. There were times where I would just leave and, you know, in the middle of program, like, leave the library. And he knew that I was down at the office or I was getting the pizza or whatever. Right?
Speaker 4:Those rhythms had been established, and he just would be like, okay. Josh isn't here, so I'm gonna do this transition and and
Speaker 2:and
Speaker 4:get the kids going on whatever forge or the lesson or whatever it is. Right? And same thing where he's like, he's taking the kids to the bathroom or doing a bathroom run or whatever, and I'd be like, okay. Like, I'm I'm handling these things until he gets back. And, you know, we we, yeah, are just are locked in and and had a have a really strong bond.
Speaker 4:So it works really well for us.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 4:I just wish that we weren't half a mile down the road, and we could actually see you guys interact with the boys a little bit more.
Speaker 7:Do y'all want other coaches with the older kids that you're just gonna stick with to?
Speaker 4:That is a question for not the podcast.
Speaker 7:I'm so sorry. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll I'll
Speaker 6:talk to you. I'll tell you later.
Speaker 4:No. It's fine.
Speaker 6:That was just a it's a
Speaker 4:it's a proprietary information thing.
Speaker 7:Too much information. I'm sorry. Too much information
Speaker 4:to not put on the air for thousands of social security. Tell. Jamari, what's your start to see?
Speaker 7:You're a baddie.
Speaker 4:No. There there are developments that we're we're working on some things. We're working on some things, but it's not a it's not a broadcast that out conversation.
Speaker 7:Ignore that. Okay.
Speaker 6:Yeah. Anyway But the dynamic at k through 6 is just it's really sweet because we do have all of us there, but then you have, like, the what we call cohorts where it's like the younger kids and the older kids. So me and Jamari are together, and then it was holding Taj. Yeah. And I don't it it just it just kind of worked.
Speaker 6:You know what I mean? And, like, in the same way, me and Jamari found out, like, what we're really good at and what we're really bad at, and it, like, lined up pretty much perfectly. And then, like you were saying, I would steal so many things out of Jamari's book where he would just
Speaker 7:steal things from
Speaker 6:you while we're stealing things all day long. And it was just
Speaker 2:I feel
Speaker 4:like all y'all are stealing things from each other. I feel like y'all was stealing things from Jamari and Ryan and Holden and Caitlin and and all that.
Speaker 5:I get to watch y'all, so I'm stealing, like, constant.
Speaker 6:But it was just constantly constantly learning and learning, like, in the moment. Like, you would be dealing with the same situation at the same time with different kids. And, like, in your peripheral, you're learning how to do it in the moment from another coach. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Speaker 6:Because just to be honest, there's a lot of things that happen pretty regularly at 4 Runner, and you would just see somebody handle it.
Speaker 4:Things like fire alarms being pulled?
Speaker 6:Fire alarms being pulled.
Speaker 4:Windows being broken.
Speaker 6:Windows being broken.
Speaker 3:Shoes thrown at kids.
Speaker 6:Shoes thrown. I don't wanna say too much because then their parent ever listens to this. They'll be like, yeah. Put them up.
Speaker 4:Such big reds put them up, kid, on blast.
Speaker 6:But you would just learn things. And I I think I wanted to say this when we were talking about Jamari, but I learned like true empathy from Jamari. Yeah. Because I can relate to my kids, but Jamari would sit down with his kids and his kids would just be seen. Like, they would know that they were talking to somebody that's been through the same thing.
Speaker 6:And I remember one time, one kid was, like, going wild, and my natural, like, instinct is just to be like, hey. You're doing it wrong.
Speaker 7:This is
Speaker 6:how you do it right. Let's go. Like, not much grace. Just let's do this. Let's work it out and kind of brush past the problem.
Speaker 6:Right?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:And Jamari's not like that. Like, sometimes I would be like, where's Jamari? And he's handling a problem for like 30 minutes, like JT, that I'm that I would handle in 30 seconds.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:And so I just I've I would see that so often, and so this kid starts acting out all of this stuff. And I sit down with him, and it was actually one of Ja'mari's kids. So he's used to somebody being empathetic. And so I was like, man, I gotta handle this like Jamari. And so I start talking to him, and I don't know where this came out of, but I was like, what do you wanna do for a living?
Speaker 6:And he was like, I wanna be a salesman and make a ton of money. And I was like, bro, that sounds great. And I was like, okay. So you're gonna interview me. I wanna be a part of your sales practice or whatever.
Speaker 6:You're gonna interview me, and I you can tell me if I get the job or not. And so he starts interviewing me, and I start acting exactly like he was just acting. And so I'm like flailing around, making a big fuss, being super disrespectful. Like, not saying anything wild, but just acting exactly like he was acting. Then I was like, so did I get the job?
Speaker 6:He was like, no, absolutely not. And I was like, I was like, okay, now it's my turn to interview you, and you're gonna interview for this position. So I interview him. I've never seen this kid so respectful in my life. He's sitting up straight.
Speaker 6:It looks like he's actually interviewing for this role. And I think it was because Jamari does so well of like, they see their life through his eyes. And I think it kind of positioned that kid to be like, oh my gosh, I can't even picture a coach acting like this.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 6:Why am I acting like that? And kind of making it where I wasn't, I wasn't putting a gap between me and him. I was going, hey, if you keep acting this way now, you're gonna act this way later. And it was just, it was a cool moment because I got to really take a page out of his book and be empathetic in a way I'd never been before. And it changed that kid's mindset because he was like, oh, I don't wanna act that way as an adult.
Speaker 6:Because he saw an adult acting the way he was acting as a kid.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 6:And yeah. I it was really cool. So
Speaker 7:I saw that, like, oh, I got a front row ticket to see that. Saw that for me. Like, oh, may like, that was, like, the best thing, like, I've ever seen at, like, forerunner, like, history. I don't except for, like, baptisms. Like, baptisms.
Speaker 6:Like, like, suffations is by far.
Speaker 7:Yeah. Yeah. Baptist is number 1. But that's, like, number 2. Like, he changed, like, instantly, like, his demeanor.
Speaker 4:Yes. Wow.
Speaker 2:That's
Speaker 7:good. Oh my that was that was that was that was so good. That was yeah.
Speaker 4:See, those are the stories I love to hear. Like, this is the stuff that I miss because I'm in the junior high and a half a mile down the road from all y'all. Like, that's the stuff I miss is being able to witness those things from the outside. Right? Because junior high, like, I I miss that.
Speaker 4:But the other thing I was gonna, I think, hit on in this is kinda what y'all are talking about of the, like, feeding off each other and learning from each other, things like that. I mean, I was doing that from day 1. Right? You know, 2 years ago when I started, like, I didn't have any experience, but I didn't know what I was doing. Right?
Speaker 4:I was just like I was here because God was like, you're you're gonna do this. I'm like, okay, I guess. And there was a there was a point Bailey and I talked about this on her episode, and this is still one of my fondest memories, like, experiences with her. It was it was after program. I don't remember exactly what had happened, but a student did something.
Speaker 4:I didn't respond in the best way. And, it was after program. I popped over to k through 6 because, you know, we were still fortunately, we're in the same place at that point. And I popped over to k through 6, and Bailey was just finishing up whatever her after program duties were and was like, hey. You know, can I can I just get your your feedback or your your guidance or whatever on this thing?
Speaker 4:She's like, yeah. Sure. And so I told her what was going on, and, like, we then have, like, a 30 minute conversation. Quinn I think Quinn got video of it happening. Right?
Speaker 4:And she and I are just standing there in in the kind of the main room in the youth center or not youth center, but the youth area. And we're just talking about techniques and things that I could employ to be more effective at mentoring, especially in those disciplined conversations. And every time I see that video, I think of it you know, the the caption mentors mentoring each other comes to mind. It's just this idea of, like, learning from each other, learning from those who have gone before me or or just have more experience than I do and gaining wisdom from them so that I can then employ those things. And that's even continued through the summer where I'm not mentoring.
Speaker 4:Right? You know, the the after school program isn't happening because there's no school. And Beth last week, Beth came out or mentioned something that she would always ask her mentees. And I was like, oh, that's so novel. Like, I've never thought to ask that, and I can think of so many situations where that would be helpful.
Speaker 4:She would always ask them, like, what did that do to you? Right? The idea of, like, you know, a kid is acting out or whatever in in that disciplined conversation asking them, okay. You know, this person hit you. What did that do to you?
Speaker 4:Right? And I was like, oh, wow. That would solve so many issues in junior high. If we could do that, like, use that as a a proactive question that isn't even in a discipline conversation because discipline is reactive. Right?
Speaker 4:Using it proactively, you know, as you can see the kid who got hit is starting to get upset being like, hey. What did that do to you? Right? And then that would stop or force them to kinda stop and think and even more importantly, put language into their emotions so that they can start to process that on the front end.
Speaker 6:That's cool. Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 6:That's really cool.
Speaker 3:I don't have any comment of that.
Speaker 6:Yeah. That's just that's good.
Speaker 4:Just good. Solid. Everybody's speechless.
Speaker 7:You explained things really well, so I don't know what
Speaker 3:you you did that. Explained things so well. I don't
Speaker 4:Is that is that something that you're learning from me?
Speaker 7:Oh, yes. A 100%. See, literally, like, 30 minutes ago, I couldn't even
Speaker 4:What are some other things that y'all have learned from each other? We got Ryan and Jamari learning from each other, feeding off each other.
Speaker 3:Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Most of mine are, like, in the moment dealing with particulars. I'm trying to think of overarching themes that I learned from.
Speaker 3:Because I mentioned Ryan and just his disposition. Yeah. I think Taj helped me. I like, I am more naturally disciplinarian, love some good discipline, like, you know, spare the rod, spoil the child.
Speaker 4:I knew you.
Speaker 8:I knew you were gonna say that.
Speaker 4:Get him the rod. You
Speaker 3:know? She shepherd had
Speaker 6:and I can't remember
Speaker 3:what what verse it is, but it what it talks about Jesus being our shepherd, and it says he has both a staff and a rod.
Speaker 6:Might be Psalm 23.
Speaker 4:Probably. His rod and his staff, they comfort his.
Speaker 3:His rod and his that's so they're the same, and they're and they're different. That's so good. The Bible is so good. Read your Bible.
Speaker 6:Amen. But 100% recommend. Right.
Speaker 2:So I'm
Speaker 3:so I'm very, like, disciplinarian natured, and that's helpful in a lot of ways, but I can there are sometimes where I end up feeling bad for being that way because it looks like sometimes a lot of boys being very blunt and saying Mhmm. I don't like you to your face over and over again. And so sometimes it can it I I can end up feeling bad for that, but it was really helpful because Taj is is very much no nonsense in that kind of way as well. Yeah. And so it was encouraging and helped helped encourage me to, like because in a if I were to talk to someone in an objective manner, I would say, yeah.
Speaker 3:I would still I would still be that way. But in the moment, it can be difficult, but it's encouraging to see because Taj and I are very similar similar in that way that, like, oh, it's it's working over there. I can kind of step out of myself and see that someone else is doing that in an effective way because, like, last year, I was I I served a, like, a support kind of role that wasn't a great coach, and so I was doing all of the discipline outside of, like, the very worst of it, which the site lead was doing at the time. And so just very difficult. It's very difficult to to be the main disciplinarian a a bunch of amongst a bunch of kids can end up feeling like you're kind of being the bummer, and yet I still think it's true.
Speaker 3:Still think it's true. Give him the rod. You know? Oh
Speaker 2:my gosh.
Speaker 8:Is that is that bad to say? No.
Speaker 7:No. No. I don't like it.
Speaker 3:It's biblical. Take it up with Jesus.
Speaker 7:Yo. You I think you and Taj, like, helped me learn, like, discipline is, like, good, like, a good thing.
Speaker 3:That's encouraging.
Speaker 7:Because I definitely, like, was not the disciplinary type. Like, I didn't, like of course, like
Speaker 3:Yeah. If they're doing something crazy.
Speaker 7:You know, you gotta deal with it, but, like, the way it's like the way you do it. It's not, like, necessarily, like, like it's so effect like, y'all are very blunt in, like, a good way. Like, you you say what's on your mind, but what's on your mind isn't, like, degrading or anything. It's actually building up and, like
Speaker 3:what's the word?
Speaker 5:Not being a jerk about it.
Speaker 7:Yeah. Like Like,
Speaker 5:you're in my space.
Speaker 7:Right. Like And,
Speaker 5:like, you're gonna be safe. We're gonna have fun, but you're not gonna do what you're just doing.
Speaker 7:That was perfect. Yeah. See, that's what I that's what I like. See, you know what's on my mind. I like that.
Speaker 4:Yes, sir.
Speaker 5:Yeah. Yeah. And usually when they say, like, I don't like you, it's really they're communicating It's
Speaker 6:the inverse.
Speaker 5:I don't like you. I don't like what you're doing right now, but I still respect you because I'm talking to you.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Otherwise, they might just run off and be like, forget that guy. I'm gonna play outside and not go back in till the day's over.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Definitely had that happen a few times.
Speaker 5:So anytime, like, anytime a child says, I don't like somebody and, like, it has, like, no basis for something like, I don't like that guy. It usually means that, like, I I I secretly do respect him, but I don't like that he holds me accountable.
Speaker 6:Yeah. Yep. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I think that was something that was hard for me to learn, especially last year, was was that I mean, discipline is a good thing and that it's it is loving to discipline the children. You know? God wasn't letting Israel wild out without any discipline. Like, it's no wonder they got crushed over and over and over.
Speaker 4:I was gonna say he disciplined them so much, he sent them into exile. Right? Right.
Speaker 3:And and so it's like and all the time, it was out of love that they might look more like his people. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's that was something that was really helpful when that became apparent that
Speaker 5:A parent?
Speaker 3:I'm not a parent
Speaker 4:Yet.
Speaker 3:Yet. But that was helpful when that became clear because
Speaker 5:Apparently clear?
Speaker 3:Yes. Apparently. All the time. Because
Speaker 4:Just doesn't
Speaker 3:then you just yeah. You you're you feel better about it, and it's more helpful because you can be more direct. And in the kind of place that or some of the circumstances that you can get in as a 4 Runner coach, you don't have the time. Like, you can't sit down with every kid and have a 30 minute conversation about their background and why they called that kid that one name and why they hit him. And sometimes you you just don't have the time.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Because 3 kids just did that right now.
Speaker 8:Yeah. All 3
Speaker 3:of them.
Speaker 4:And That's when I call coach Holden to come help me out.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:But so, like, sometimes you just gotta be really direct that, hey, we don't do this here because we respect one another and, like and for this, this, and this reason, we do we don't act like that here. We will not be doing that here. If you would like to do that, then you will be going. And then that's I mean, that's as
Speaker 2:Yeah. As far
Speaker 3:as you can take it, some kids.
Speaker 5:But Our our role as mentors is, like, to be a per a parental role. A parent a parent. A parental.
Speaker 7:Uh-huh. I mean, like, to
Speaker 5:be like a father, or if you're if you're a woman listening to podcast, it's to be like a mother in their lives.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 5:But, like, it can feel so much when you don't wanna discipline them, it you lowering yourself to just a brother. And if you lower yourself to a brother, you'll diminish That's good. Your role as a potential father figure in your life, and the relationship will only go so deep. Right.
Speaker 4:Well and I think that's part of the reason why, at this point, it's a reflexive response with this with my students is, you know, they'll be like, bro, da da da, and I'm like, I'm not your bro. I'm your coach.
Speaker 7:Yep.
Speaker 4:Right? Like and I I correct it over and over and over again. It's like, I'm not your bro. I'm not your brother. Like, I am your coach.
Speaker 4:I am your par your, quote, unquote, parental figure, your father figure. I'm not your parents. But I am but I am your father figure. Uh-huh. And because of that one, you know, there's a certain level of respect that you need to show me.
Speaker 4:Right? And I don't demand that in the sense of, like, you will respect me, x y yadayada yada. I don't use that phrase because that has never gone well. Right? Because anytime anybody has ever said that to me and I'm a 29 year old man.
Speaker 4:Like, anytime anybody has ever said that to me, I'm like, I don't respect you a little bit right now. Right? So I'm like, if I'm not doing that, I know these kids aren't gonna do that. So that's not an effective thing to say.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:But it is the redirection of it's like, look. At forerunner, we respect our coaches and our brothers. Right?
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:You're not doing that right now. So if you don't wanna do that, then you're going to leave because that's not what we do at forerunner. Right? And, by the way, you signed a behavior contract. Here it is.
Speaker 4:Remember? That's your signature? The behavior. Right? By the way, super effective for junior high students.
Speaker 4:They hate it.
Speaker 3:Love it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Maybe not as effective for a kindergartner who can't read. But for a 7th grade who can, it's like, you signed this. That is your signature. Go ahead and just read this line for me really fast.
Speaker 4:And they're like, I will respect my 4 Runner coaches by listening to and following instructions the first time I'm asked. I'm like, okay. Are you doing that right now? And they're like, no. And I was like, are we gonna start doing that?
Speaker 4:Yeah. What happens if we don't do that? I'm gonna have to write an apology letter. And they're like, yeah. Do you like writing an apology letter?
Speaker 4:No. I was like, so are we gonna make smarter decisions? Yeah. Okay. Cool.
Speaker 4:Savage.
Speaker 6:I wanna say too, like, Holden and Taj because they're definitely the more disciplinary coaches. Like, if you look at Holden and Taj's groups, they look like troops. And if you look at me and Jamari's groups, It's
Speaker 4:like herding cats.
Speaker 6:It's like herding cats. And that has to do somewhat with the age, but a lot, a bit with the coach. And, but when you look at them, it's not like they are disciplining every hour of every day.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 6:Like, can think about a story with one of my kids. He's like running around slapping kids. And I I was fed up. I was mad. I was frustrated.
Speaker 6:And I think I was on the way to tell coach Joel, like, hey, just call his mom. He's gone. And, like, again, just I had to look to another coach because I turn around and that same kid is in Holden's arms, like running around with Holden. And they're like laughing, having a great time. So there is like a balance with Holden and Taj.
Speaker 6:They're not like, they discipline hard and fast and clear, but then the next second they're like dunking on a kid's face, having a great time.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:And I think that helps the kids because they can understand, okay, if if I am respectful, we can still have a great time.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Right.
Speaker 6:And it's not like this it's it's really clear to the kids. Okay. If I do this, I'll get this. If I don't do this, I won't get this.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 6:And and it really works. Like, both of their teams know, hey, if I'm respectful, we are going to have a great day.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:If I'm not, we're gonna be chilling inside, listening to our coaches talk about respect and leadership. And I think that's just encouraging because they can flip the switch so fast. Yeah. Whereas if you just start off with, like, ignoring problems, like I usually do, ignoring problems, trying to have a great time, then you will be sitting inside Yeah. Having these big, long conversations when you really didn't need them at first.
Speaker 3:Also, discipline is like the nice thing about regular discipline is that it
Speaker 4:also time.
Speaker 3:It takes us time, but it also demonstrates that, like, you would think that disciplining a kid too much makes them think they're a bad kid. No. But regular discipline accompanied with all the fun that naturally happens at 4 Runner between coaches and and students displays this idea that you can be disciplined, and that doesn't change who you are. Yes. And you're not a bad person because some like, you did something wrong.
Speaker 3:You can we still love you. We can still have just as much fun. But when you when you don't do that, there's when that discipline does finally come, because it will, it it it can create this huge impact that a kid has never felt before, and then you end up making a kid feel like they're this terrible person when that's not that's not true. It's just I I should have said this 4 months ago Yes.
Speaker 8:That you can't do this thing. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And now we're here, and that's my fault. But if you'll if you could be more proactive regularly, then it displays like like Ryan was saying. We can we're gonna have a lot of fun when we're acting how we're supposed to be acting. And when we're not, I'm gonna say something, And it doesn't I I still like you. Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's another thing. Most of the kids are I mean, genuinely like, I I enjoy spending time with them. They're funny. They're way too funny for their own good. Mostly funny.
Speaker 3:So regular discipline displays that in a way that I think is I think is very biblical and presents identity to the boys in a way that is not as natural if you haven't thought about or someone hasn't helped you understand to someone, but it, like, it really is super helpful to think about it that way.
Speaker 5:Yeah. I have a story.
Speaker 7:So you.
Speaker 2:We're on
Speaker 5:the basketball court. It I was out there with the coach Taj and coach Holden's group, and this is just a story of, like, a child that crosses the line, and all the coaches are like, hey now. So I think we're all You're
Speaker 4:a rock star?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Oh, terrible. You're
Speaker 6:Start singing.
Speaker 5:Chris, I think we're playing basketball and, like, along the court I don't know if you remember this coach Holden, and a kid says to, like, one of the coach, like, some some some, you gay. And then, like, me, coach Holden, and coach Taj all at the same time, we just said, like, hey. It was like a it was like a barbershop trio. It was like, hey, hey, hey. Like, we don't say that.
Speaker 4:Right. Right. We don't
Speaker 2:say that.
Speaker 5:Like, let's, like, apologize. Let's move on.
Speaker 2:But
Speaker 5:just that quick, like, you know what especially with, like, the older kids.
Speaker 3:Like They know what they're doing.
Speaker 4:The response of 3 coaches, you did something really wrong.
Speaker 5:It wasn't like we did it wasn't like that we lambasted them. It was just like, hey. That wasn't cool. But if you do it with, like, the younger kids, they're just like, oh, he's saying hey. Oh, hey.
Speaker 5:Hey. And it's like, no. No. No. You said something, and, like, we're trying to get you to see, like, yeah.
Speaker 5:I almost have to, like, explain it. But, you know, as relationships grow, you can almost, like, say things without saying things. Or give
Speaker 4:a look,
Speaker 3:and they know it's Give a look.
Speaker 4:To look.
Speaker 5:Yeah. Eyebrow raise. Just kinda be like, let's try that again. Yeah. Right?
Speaker 5:Like, discipline doesn't discipline for the disciplinarian does not have to be like a fire and brimstone thing. It can just it can it can be the sweetest thing ever that's gonna get you on the path. Like, it's God's kindness and goodness that leads us to repentance, right?
Speaker 2:Right. Yeah.
Speaker 5:It's like and that's kinda what we try to model at 4 Runner, not where it's like, bro, you done messed up. I need you to come sit over here. I'm not coming to talk to you for, like, 20 minutes until that attitude changes. Like, that's not what we do. Yeah.
Speaker 5:It's like, hey, hey, it looks like we might need some time to cool down. Does that sound cool with you? Hey, I wanna put 2 minutes on the timer, and I'm gonna come back, and, like, we can have a conversation about
Speaker 2:it. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And it's just like, and just like what coach Holden was saying, like, with discipline, like, it's to keep disciplining you until you don't you don't essentially, like, need that discipline because, like, you've conquered whatever that was. Right. Right? Yeah. Folly's bound up in the heart of a child, but their rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Speaker 2:Come on.
Speaker 5:I'm with you, coach Holden.
Speaker 3:Parents because parents effectively act like a kind of
Speaker 6:Through representation.
Speaker 3:For their children.
Speaker 6:Like because you you
Speaker 3:know, you'd you yell at a kid to not run-in the street, and you you've seen that a pair gets, like, so angry because the kid could die.
Speaker 5:Uh-huh.
Speaker 3:But a kid doesn't know you know, they don't have they don't have these categories in their head, so it like, a parent serves the role of sanctifying their child sanctifying, quote, unquote, their child until they get to an age where they can understand and comprehend how they are to act. And so if you don't do that, like, you don't love your you don't love the the boys because
Speaker 4:that's it
Speaker 3:doesn't help anyone.
Speaker 6:And you you have to explain that. Right? Like, what you're saying, the older kids kind of get it more, but every step of the way, we had to explain, hey. You are not playing basketball right now because I love you, and I care about your safety, and I care about their safety. And for some reason right now, it was usually safety, but you're not safe or they're not safe.
Speaker 6:Yeah. And I don't put up with that. And that was at the end of the year, I think our kids actually really got that.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I was gonna say the same thing. It's like, at the beginning of the year, like, we're in the junior high, we're a lot more heavy handed discipline wise at the beginning of the year. Right? And we're like, this is what we're doing dot dash period at the end.
Speaker 4:Like, this is what we're doing. And if we're not doing it, I guess what? You and I are having a conversation. Right? And we're a lot more we had to find this balance between redirections and, like, actual tiered consequences.
Speaker 4:We were a little bit more forgiving in the sense that we gave more redirections on the front end, you know, in the beginning of the year, but they were a lot more frequent. Right? Whereas that eventually morphed right around the the New Year start of spring semester where Darius was like, guys, they're 7th, 8th grade. If they haven't if they haven't figured it out by now, then there's a big problem. Like, no more redirections.
Speaker 4:Right? Especially for some things, like, meeting expectations during lesson time. He's like, they know the expectations. Yeah. We know they know the expectations because you have them recite to you the expectations.
Speaker 4:They're the ones telling you. Yeah. They know the expectations. If they're not doing that at this point, just go to consequences. Right?
Speaker 4:Just start taking away free time because Yeah. They kept getting into this, like, oh, I've only had one redirection or 2 redirections. I haven't gotten my final warning yet. Yada yada yada. We're just like, we're done with the
Speaker 3:warning. System too well. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. They know the system too well. And so we switched it up, and we told them on the front end. We're like, look. You know the expectations because you just told me them.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:If you're not doing that, you're gonna lose free time.
Speaker 3:It's tier 3 Thursday. Get ready, boys. Tier 3 Thursday.
Speaker 4:Wow. We did actually have a few tier threes. But it was it was it was that kind of thing. Right? It was like, you know the expectations.
Speaker 4:I'm not putting up with it anymore. I don't have the time to or patience to do that anymore because y'all are 13 and 14. If you're not doing this in 4 years when you get a job, like, you're not gonna have a job without whatever. 2, 3, 4 years, whatever it is. It's like you guys need to learn this, and the fastest way you can learn this is if I'm like, no nonsense about it.
Speaker 4:Right? So, you know, it it was a few weeks of, like, so many kids sitting on the bleachers having lost some free time. Usually, it was rare that it was all of it. But it was a few weeks where there'd be, like, 3, 4, 6 kids all on the bleachers. There was actually one instance where the entire group lost free time.
Speaker 4:That was
Speaker 6:Been there.
Speaker 3:That's a Tuesday. Done there. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Well, that was where we were. We sat them on the bleachers and we're like, look. This is why you all lost free time. You have 5 I think it was 5 minutes. It was we're like, if we hear any noise, the time starts over.
Speaker 3:It's a classic.
Speaker 6:Like I've
Speaker 2:been there.
Speaker 4:You have to be you have to sit here and be quiet for 5 minutes. And JT and I just sat down or we're down in the gym and we're just shooting hoops while the kids are sitting on the bleachers.
Speaker 6:Not to shooting hoops. Yeah. We we were just
Speaker 3:out there shooting hoops.
Speaker 4:And anytime they'd hear like a little shuffle or anything, we'd, you know, we'd look at the bleachers and they'd all quiet back down and we're like, alright, and go back to shooting hoops. But yeah, that only happened once. And then, you know, the last quarter really it was of of program. Like, we had virtually no discipline issues. Oh, that's special.
Speaker 4:There would be one or there would be, like, one thing that would pop up pop up every once in a while, but a lot of our weekly reports to Darius, you know, we have to answer the questions or anything that's discouraged you this week, which is usually involved of, like, oh, this kid did this and that was discouraging because, you know, discipline kind of thing. There were a lot of them where we're like, we've really don't have anything. It's been a good week. Like, they legitimately earned pizza this week. Right?
Speaker 4:And
Speaker 5:Wait. I'll get pizza every week?
Speaker 4:Yeah. If they earn it. We do And we're getting kids, boys. We do pizza every Friday.
Speaker 6:They get snacks every day.
Speaker 4:We do pizza every Friday. If they don't
Speaker 3:want trail
Speaker 4:mix. Well, but even with that, like, that's that's another thing is they they have to earn the pizza every week. And at the beginning of the beginning of the year, it was 3 out of 5 days had to get yeses. Right? They could they could get one no.
Speaker 5:What do you mean 3 out of 4 days?
Speaker 4:Well, 3 out of 5 because they could still lose it on Friday even if we'd already earned it. Savage. Or even if we'd already ordered it. Like, you guys know this. We came over with pizza and we're like, hey, the kids didn't earn it.
Speaker 4:So here you go. Nice. I see. I did not
Speaker 2:for all.
Speaker 6:There's a reason. I thought y'all just had extra.
Speaker 4:No. Three pizzas extra? No.
Speaker 6:I don't
Speaker 5:yeah. Yeah, Ryan.
Speaker 4:No. I'm not doing
Speaker 6:math after program.
Speaker 4:We yeah.
Speaker 5:That's already the key
Speaker 4:for sure. They had to get 3 out of 5. And then again, by the by the change in semester in the new year or whatever, they went to they have to get 5 yeses. If they get one no pizza. And they lost pizza a few times because of that.
Speaker 4:It was rare. It was still rare, but they did do it.
Speaker 5:I like that progression though.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Because it gives them like
Speaker 4:It's like, okay. You're meeting this bar, which is achievable. Now we're gonna up it up the up the ante because you guys are 13 and 14. You can do that.
Speaker 6:Dang.
Speaker 4:We know you can do that.
Speaker 6:5 yeses. It's like more than American Idol.
Speaker 4:It's x factor. Let's go, baby. So x factor Friday. The one thing I wanted to hit, you guys were kinda talking about, like, Holden and and Taj were a little bit more disciplinarian. Ryan and and Jamari were a little not.
Speaker 5:Uh-huh. Uh-huh. If they're disciplinarian, imagine you go to, like, a rodeo. Like, they're the ones trying to Not the rodeo.
Speaker 4:Oh my god.
Speaker 5:They're trying to lasso the kids.
Speaker 6:We're the rodeo jotty. The other
Speaker 4:thing you highlighted in that yeah. Yay. But the other thing you highlighted in that, Ryan, was that Holden and and Taj had the ability to kinda, like, flip that switch
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Between having fun and being disciplinarian in the moment. And that's JT. Right? Like, I'm a lot more of the very, like, you know, we're having this conversation. It's gonna take 30 minutes.
Speaker 4:JT is the, like, in the moment disciplinarian, and he's very, very good at that. Like, he he can have fun and be laughing and enjoying life and modeling that for the kids. And then as soon as they're not locking or as soon as they're acting up, he's like, okay, guys. Let's lock it in. Let's lock it in.
Speaker 4:And Lock it in. You know, within 3 seconds, you know, after they've responded to that, he's back to teaching the lesson
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Making you know, having a good time, that kind of thing, making it enjoyable again. Right? And even that'll even go so far as to, like, you know, that keeps happening. He's like, alright. You got 5 minutes.
Speaker 4:And usually when that happens, everybody else locks in for the rest of the time because they know he's now at that point of, like, oh, I'm gonna lose free time. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And then it become you know, once that gets to that, like, gets past that of the, okay, they've lost 5, maybe 10 minutes of free time, like, at that point, it shifts into, okay, now now you and coach Josh are gonna go have a a conversation because it's a deeper conversation, and that's where, you know, like, my role kinda steps in as site lead is to go have that really tier 2 conversation. Right? He he is a lot more effective up through that tier one consequence, which our listeners don't know, but we all do. And tier 1 is basically, like, your final warning. You've lost free time, a little bit of free time kind of thing.
Speaker 4:Tier 2 is where we do okay. Now we're gonna yeah. Tier 2 is danger zone. We're we're now we're gonna talk through why you're not responding to discipline, the redirections, and the consequences. Tier 2 is, like, now we're gonna talk about it.
Speaker 4:Now we're gonna come up with an action plan. You're gonna write an apology letter. You also don't have any free time anymore because you lost all that. And for our student our junior high students who get an hour of free time, that's a big deal. Goodness.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:Oh, wow.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And then tier 3 is we send them home for the day. So after that tier one consequence, like, JT thrives through that. He does really, really well up to tier 1, but tier 2 and tier 3 tier 3 automatically falls on me because I'm the one who has to call call mom and have her come get the kid. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:But tier 2 tends to be me and shifts to me because he's the one managing the classroom, and I'm the one who can go out in the hall with this kid and have this 30 minute conversation usually. So that's kinda, again, the dynamic that we have and how we play off each other. But he he does exactly like Holden and and Taj where he just he's fun loving and having fun, disciplines in the moment, and goes back to having fun.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So Sweet.
Speaker 3:That's I like it.
Speaker 4:Alright. We got we got just a few minutes left because some of us need to leave, but I have 2 questions that I wanna let want to end with. 1 is more just, you know, honoring Caitlyn and, you know, what are some things that you guys have learned from her and her mentoring style. Oh, gosh. It's
Speaker 6:about to be a 3 hour episode.
Speaker 3:Try to
Speaker 4:keep it succinct. And the second question, which is kinda the more important one that I wanna hit, is we've talked a lot about group mentoring and mentoring alongside each other. How do these ideas that we've talked talked about today and and, like, learning from each other, things like that, how do how can somebody who's invested in a 1 on 1 mentoring relationship, like, how how can they take advantage of that? How can they learn from other mentors? How can they seek wisdom?
Speaker 4:Like, what what are your thoughts on that? Like, we have the the benefit of being with each other and getting to see that and and adopt those things, but it might be a little bit harder
Speaker 2:for a one on one mentor who's,
Speaker 4:like, picking up their mentee and going to Sonic kind of thing.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:How how can they benefit from those same things that we get to benefit from?
Speaker 3:You're just going to circle or
Speaker 4:However you want. Circle. Whoever's got an idea. Caitlyn.
Speaker 6:Nothing. That was
Speaker 3:awesome. Just kidding, Caitlyn. You know I love you.
Speaker 6:That's tough. That's tough.
Speaker 3:My wife and and you are good friends and whatnot. But I think y'all hang out tomorrow, actually. But, anyway, Caitlin has, like, the most grace and the most like, she's really good at communicating her how much she loves the boys. Yes.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That can be hard to that can be hard to effectively communicate
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:To the boys. You know, I could tell them all day long that I'm disappointing you because I love you, and it's like, well, I just want you to give me the snack that I want. And it's like, well, you're not getting it. So but Caitlin is is really good at communicating to the boys how much she cares and loves them as well as as really good as well as being very good at like, she just she's very emotionally aware Mhmm. Of all the boys.
Speaker 3:Like, she she's really good at picking out the ones that are very clearly having a tough moment or a tough day and pulling them aside, you know, because she's not in a she's not a great coach per se. She's not attached specifically to any one of the 4 groups.
Speaker 4:Technically, she's not even close to a grade coach anymore because she's a side Yeah.
Speaker 3:I guess she's our boss now.
Speaker 4:Yeah. She's a program coordinator. Oh,
Speaker 2:I gotta
Speaker 6:switch out what I was about to say.
Speaker 4:I was kidding.
Speaker 3:No. Tread lightly or Sweating
Speaker 4:over here.
Speaker 5:You don't feel homey.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But she's just she's great at picking out and seeing which boys need some extra attention and extra love that is more readily received by or coming from a woman simply because most of these boys have a relationship with their mom where they're one of the only people they trust in the world. Mhmm. And so she's really good at picking up on that and and seeing that in the boys and then acting upon it. So I I think that there's I think what I've learned from her is that there there is a way to communicate with the boys that can be more evidently full of grace. As much as I could say, I'm I'm doing this because I love you.
Speaker 3:I'm doing that because I love you. She's very good at communicating those things in her tone and and with the words that she chooses to use with the boys. So I I would like to be better at that in general. So yeah.
Speaker 6:I would say I just knowing her, like, as a friend, like, as we did training and then knowing her as a coach, she's very consistent. And Mhmm. I think and one of the things that she's consistent is she is, like, so bad at small talk. Like, so bad at small talk.
Speaker 4:That's true.
Speaker 6:And I I say that because I want to be bad at small talk. I want to be a person that, like, goes directly toward people's hearts, not just toward their week or their job or just the small things in life.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 6:But she kind of has, like, her perspective is so different on people that she really doesn't care about what you've been doing this week. She cares about how you've been feeling this week
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:Or how your connection with the Lord has been. And that doesn't change with the boys, and it doesn't change with age. I oh, I've overheard her having some, like, some of the deepest conversations with a 5 year old that I'm like, I don't know how y'all are talking about that right now. We were just, like, I was just wiping slime off his fingers. But, like, how she just all the boys know that she doesn't wanna talk about the small things, that she wants to talk about God, she wants to talk about their hearts, and, ultimately, she cares about their souls.
Speaker 6:And they know that. And because they know that and because she's so straightforward in a loving way, really all she talks about with the boys is how they're doing deeply, and they really connect with her in that way because she doesn't wanna know anything else. And so it's really sweet. Very consistent in that way.
Speaker 5:You know, my first year at at 4 Runner, for the for the 3rd through 6th grade program, because we had it kinda separated between k through 2 and 3rd through 6th, we didn't have any woman coach in the 3rd through 6th. So it was, like, all guys all the time. And then, like, the next year that we had 4 Runner, like, we had we had some women on staff that were that is it kinda made the program dynamic different.
Speaker 2:Was
Speaker 4:that the year that you weren't there? No. Oh, okay.
Speaker 5:Yeah. But, like, it's just so special because it's not just the fact that, like, that she's a woman and she's in this role and she's, like, you know, all of us dudes are there and, like, she's the only woman to talk to. Like, she when I think of coach Kalen, I think, like, she's very gentle. Mhmm. And whenever she's interacting with the child, it's number 1, it's intentional.
Speaker 5:And then number 2, like, it's always gentle. Like, I don't think you know, she's a naturally quiet like, a quieter type of person. Yeah. And, like The
Speaker 4:way she says it is I'm not an expressive person.
Speaker 5:That are you Which is true. Yeah. But even, like, when but she doesn't have to because when she's talking to you, like, it's so intentional and so gentle, you're just like, woah. Like Yeah. Those kids are locked in when coach Kalyn speaking to them.
Speaker 5:Like, they don't look they're not looking around. Like, they're looking into her eyes and just like, oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 5:And, like, they constantly they might it's funny. They might not want our attention all the time, but it's like, coach Kalyn. Coach Kalyn. Coach Kalyn. Yes.
Speaker 5:And I was like, and and who am I again? Like, do I?
Speaker 6:We're child leader.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like I was gonna say, we're child leader.
Speaker 5:Like, the whole the whole day is to just, like, navigate them to finally get them to coach Caitlin then, like, just, you know,
Speaker 3:show them the next day.
Speaker 5:Yeah. But just, like, her gentleness
Speaker 2:to my
Speaker 4:father to onto her.
Speaker 5:Her gentleness is spot on.
Speaker 7:Everything just draws towards it. Like
Speaker 3:You're in love with her. This is Mark.
Speaker 7:Thank thank you, Holden, for
Speaker 2:the help.
Speaker 4:He's in the hell. He is.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you brought that.
Speaker 4:I don't
Speaker 7:know what I was saying.
Speaker 4:She's kind
Speaker 3:of like this angelic, perfect, ball of life that I love, and I'm trying
Speaker 4:to figure
Speaker 3:out how to describe it. I don't know.
Speaker 7:How did you get that okay. Like, like, I've seen, like, kids, like, be, like, upset or, like, I'm trying to talk to them and, like, I literally can't. Yeah. And then she'll be right there and they just start running up to coach k.
Speaker 4:Oh, they're oh. Oh,
Speaker 7:Like Oh,
Speaker 4:I wish that's great. So y'all could
Speaker 7:see that. Like, my day is, like, a 1000 times better because coach Kaitlin's there.
Speaker 6:I think honestly,
Speaker 4:that's the truth.
Speaker 7:For real. I I didn't know that she's gonna be, like, a boss boss person there. I was
Speaker 4:so like She's the program coordinator for k through 6.
Speaker 7:So we're gonna kind of
Speaker 3:So you're fired.
Speaker 4:You were saying she was
Speaker 8:a wall of light.
Speaker 7:I said nice things. So but, like, I think we're gonna kinda miss that because she's like I mean, it for me, like, I if I can't get to a kid, like, usually, she can't because she's like Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like
Speaker 4:Just like that everywhere. That's
Speaker 7:I don't know how to explain that.
Speaker 4:She was an instructional coach. She she could float between the grades and and the students, and she had the capacity for that intentionality. Right?
Speaker 7:I think intentionality is the word I'm looking for.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's the and that's the word that we've hit on a couple of times. I think, Joel, you said intentional. That's the same word that I've I've got for Caitlin is just the the things I've seen from her as a coach, but also in just the way that she relates to the other coaches has always been very intentional.
Speaker 4:Right? Like, she doesn't care about the small talk. She she truly does want to know what's going on in your life at a deeper level, and she actually cares about that. It's and and you never walk away from a conversation with her where, yeah, you never walk away from a conversation with her where you don't feel seen, right, because of that intentionality. And so that is something that I've been learning from her.
Speaker 4:I've seen in her, and I'm like, oh, I don't do that well. How do I how do I do that more with the students but also with the other coaches, which is even more of a challenge when I'm not around the other coaches. Right? I'm at the junior high with one other person, maybe 2 if Darius is there. So alright.
Speaker 4:Nice. Last question. How how can a 1 on 1 mentor, an individual mentor kind of adopt some of these ideas or learn from others? What what ideas do y'all have for that?
Speaker 3:Hold your boy accountable.
Speaker 4:Hold your boy accountable?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Hold like, the way to do in a mentorship relationship discipline, especially on a 1 on 1 kinda thing when you're not in a program where it's very clear that we are in charge of you, quote, unquote
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That
Speaker 4:It's more of a relationship.
Speaker 3:Right. It it's more relational. And so it doesn't maybe it doesn't necessarily look like discipline unless it's much further down the relational road, but it can look like clear accountability, which usually translates to very intentional conversation.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, if you're a mentor and you are not comfortable if if you're a mentor of a 8 to 18 year old boy and you don't know how to navigate the conversation around pornography, quote, unquote sexual identity, and these kind of hot button topics that are that are pulling kids into pits of sin, then figure out how to have those conversations. Like, find someone who's more knowledgeable than you, who has had the conversations before, who can help you get to a place to where you are comfortable or at least able to have the kind of intentional conversations that are necessary for genuine growth in the life of your mentee.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:If you're if you only ever talk about the small stuff, if you only ever ask how their week is, or if you only ever show up and you don't take the next step past that and pour into them in an accountability based way, then you're doing them a disservice. Because if there's one thing a a father is supposed to do, it's hold their son accountable and provide structure in that kind of way. And so if you're a mentor and you are in some way playing the role of a father figure in any capacity, that's a very immediate way to catalyze growth in the life of your mentee. So that's what I would push for.
Speaker 4:That's good.
Speaker 6:I would say 2 things. I would say, first, look look around you. Look around to the people that you are continually with because all we're talking about right now is just how to do good friendship and how to do how to do good family.
Speaker 4:And how to do good discipleship.
Speaker 6:Yes. And I would say, like, if you are a mentor and you have a bad friend group, you shouldn't be a mentor. Mhmm. If if you are a leader and you have a bad friend group, you shouldn't be a leader. Like, you are the sum of the people you're around.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 6:And if you don't have good people around you, you're not going to be a very good person. We can't do it alone. And in the k through 6 program, we did it effectively, lovingly, and godly because we had great people around us all the time. My second thing would be, if you're a mentor without a mentor, you can't be a mentor.
Speaker 4:Oh. And That's a mic drop right there.
Speaker 3:Because That's true.
Speaker 6:There you can you can lead in ways that only you've been led first. And if I mean, I felt convicted leading kindergarteners when I have nobody leading me. You know what I mean? And so I, like, ran to a mentor. And so I would just say the 2 things that I've learned with working with k through 6 and working at 4 Runner, if you're a mentor and you don't have a good friend group, you can't be a mentor.
Speaker 6:And if you are a mentor and you don't have a mentor, you can't mentor. So those are my 2 things.
Speaker 4:I would I would maybe phrase it slightly different because I know. I'm not a great podcast. You can mentor.
Speaker 6:You can mentor if you have a mentor. I would mentor.
Speaker 2:Let me
Speaker 4:phrase it as like, if you are mentoring
Speaker 6:Seek out. Seek out. Yes. Yes.
Speaker 4:Good friendships and a mentor. Right.
Speaker 6:Blatantly honest. It
Speaker 5:will not mentor.
Speaker 4:If you are mentoring yeah. It's maybe the idea of, like, if you are mentoring, you can become a more effective mentor With a mentor. With a mentor and with good friendships.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 6:Yes.
Speaker 4:So because you can mentor. Anybody can mentor.
Speaker 6:Yes. Anybody can. Sorry. So
Speaker 5:Wow. Well, let me just pick up my microphone that I dropped on that one. I would definitely say along with that, like, don't do don't do it alone. Like if you wanna take your your Minty out, like, do, like, a Minty double date. Like, that could be, like, an actual another mentor, and they're Minty, or you could just have, like, somebody that you know that has a kid.
Speaker 5:Like, I like that.
Speaker 4:It's
Speaker 5:like the it's like the same thing in Yeah. You know, you'll learn from their relationship and also give you you your ideas on how to mentor them, and I just say, like, make sure that you're plugged in to, like, a church or some type of, yeah, maybe be plugged into a church, but also with that, like, try to find, like, a mentoring organization Yeah. In your in your neck of the woods. But if there's not, you know, like, the Lord's gonna lead you how he's going to. I just really liked what you said, coach Ryan, man.
Speaker 5:That was solid. Yeah. True.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 7:I don't know if this is gonna make any sense, so bear with me. Try to be relatable, like, relatable and, like, like, a relative model person, if that makes sense. Like Yeah. Like, we draw near to the people who we can relate to. We kinda see ourselves Yeah.
Speaker 7:In them. I can relate to x, y, and z. So I'm gonna actually pay attention to what you have to say, and I'm gonna, like, literally listen to you. So Yeah. I feel like that and just yeah.
Speaker 7:Just be relatable and
Speaker 4:Be relatable and look for the people who are relatable. I like that.
Speaker 7:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I think my advice with that is pretty similar to kinda what we've been hitting on, but look for community. Right? Look for your own community. You need to be plugged in community.
Speaker 4:If you are not plugged into a community, especially like a church community that will love you and pour into you and hold you accountable Yeah. And even better if it is a mentor or a disciple somebody who's discipling you or or whatever, but absolutely have those things, but absolutely also get plugged into a community. Because mentoring and leading boys, in our case boys, but this could go across the genders, leading somebody in how they should be living their life, you should be modeling your life after Christ to the best of your ability. Yeah. And the only way in which you can do that is through community.
Speaker 4:I mean, we look at Jesus who is the only perfect person on who have who has ever lived on the planet. What is one of the first things he did when he started his ministry? He built a community of disciples. Right? And he was pouring into them and teaching them, but he was still in community with his father, with his heavenly father.
Speaker 4:Right? And constantly praying and seeking advice and things like that. We're talking about the son of God. Right? The he he already knew everything, but he was still praying and being in relationship with his heavenly father.
Speaker 4:That's good. You can you can mentor, but you will be a much more effective mentor if you're doing the same thing and modeling your life as close to Christ as you possibly can knowing that you are human and that you do sin and you will make mistakes. But when you model yourself after Christ, which includes being in community, being discipled, being mentored, everything we've talked about, you will be that much more of an effective mentor.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And I mean, the Lord only knows the fruit that you're gonna see from that.
Speaker 2:Right?
Speaker 4:Well, guys, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. This has been an amazing episode. Just I've loved everything that we talked about this. I think I need to do more episodes where I just don't like actually plan anything and just be like, hey, let's record a podcast. Okay?
Speaker 4:What do you wanna talk about? I don't know. Anything mentoring. Right? Because we've had such deep conversations and sharing stories and things like that.
Speaker 4:I've been so encouraged by that And I kinda wanna do more of these round tables.
Speaker 6:Let's do them. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Sounds fun. Y'all in? Mhmm. Cool.
Speaker 4:Maybe not for next week because
Speaker 2:I'm I'm sure
Speaker 3:you can zoom in.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Joel can zoom in.
Speaker 6:No. He's flying in.
Speaker 2:Come on.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just whenever Joel's in town, because he'll let us know. Yeah.
Speaker 4:We'll all get together. We'll record a a new podcast episode. I like that idea. Sounds good to me. But it's not gonna be next week because I'm pretty sure Zach and John want to to have the podcast back.
Speaker 4:I took over for the summer. It is the season finale episode, guys. This is today is the season finale episode. That's why I wanted to do it. So or as a round table.
Speaker 4:We don't really pay attention to seasons that you can mentor, but we're in I think it's the 3rd going into the 4th season or maybe it's 4th into 5th. I don't know. Summer. It's been around for a while, but this concludes my summer takeover. Zach and John will be back on the podcast next week since I finally will let them back on the podcast.
Speaker 4:One of one of the perks of being the editor, guys, is you get control over which episodes go out when. But before we wrap up, does any one of you we're not gonna have time for everybody, but does any one person have, like, a final word of encouragement for our listeners?
Speaker 3:Read your Bible.
Speaker 4:Read your Bible. Yes. I like that. Alright. Well, listener, we hope you have just enjoyed the the time today.
Speaker 4:We hope you've gotten kind of a picture of who we are as a group, the fact that I mean, every coach here has said it that forerunner is family. Mhmm. We hope you you now get a better sense of why we say that. Like, we truly are a family. And if you've missed anything in the last 2 hours, I don't know what you've been doing.
Speaker 4:Go back and listen. And in the meantime, remember this. You can mentor. Have a great week.