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Open Wounds. The NSFW podcast where we explore trauma of every shape and form. Join us as we hear from everyday people about their lives and learn from each other to move from surviving to thriving.
Candice (00:00)
Hi and welcome to this week's episode of Open Wounds podcast. I have with me a guest today. Her name is Georgette Van Vliet. Is that correct? Yes. She is a coach. She specializes in manifestation and really helping you push yourself to the next level. She has some really great insights on overcoming childhood adversity or trauma or things like that.
Georgette Van Vliet (00:10)
Yes.
Candice (00:27)
We were able to talk a bit and get to know each other. And I think she has a really great story too, that people would resonate with and understand, know, ⁓ success doesn't just always come because, you know, things were easy. We have to make it a choice every day. So welcome to the podcast, Georgette.
Georgette Van Vliet (00:48)
Thank you, Candice.
Candice (00:49)
Yeah, so why don't you tell the listeners and the viewers a little bit about how you got into coaching, how you got into manifestation, like what led you down this path to becoming interested in this and becoming somebody who's teaching others about it now.
Georgette Van Vliet (01:07)
Yeah, it's a great story because I grew up in a lot of trauma. know, my parents, my parents got divorced when I was young. My dad moved to another country. My brother was a raging drug addict, ended up overdosing. I was a young girl. So was going through all that. And then as I got older, having no skills with dating, you know, I got married. I married somebody who was very difficult. I got divorced. And then I...
I remarried, I married a very nice man, but then we couldn't get pregnant. It took me five years to have a child. And I feel like all of that, like the minute I had Tommy, I just crashed. I couldn't get out of bed. I was so depressed. I never experienced anything like that. I literally couldn't lift my head up. And thank God I had a young child because I kept saying, you gotta get up, you gotta take care of Tommy. Like I didn't ever neglect my child. Like that was not.
Like thank goodness I had that lens of he was more important than anything, but like moving was painful. It was like hard to do anything. And then for years, it was just this like fog. That's how I described it. just, I just couldn't, I had no skills to move forward. I didn't know how to help myself at all. And I do think that, and again, I'm not blaming my parents. They did the best that they could, but in a way, like when you grow up with people who don't really...
teach you anything. I just didn't have any skills. I had to learn everything myself. so I went to therapy. Obviously, I'm still in therapy. I went through several therapists before I found someone who I resonate with. And I'm still with her. We're together at 20 years. And then years ago, a friend of mine took me to see Esther Hicks. went to a law of attraction workshop. And I kind of went in my fog. And we were waiting online. And my friend said to me, maybe you need to practice gratitude.
Candice (02:38)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (03:03)
I remember looking at her going, like, what's gratitude? Like, literally, like, well, like, you know, and it just became this uphill journey. And then like, for some reason, the law of attraction and like attracts like resonated with me, maybe because I'm a super, you know, I'm an educator, I'm a supervisor at a high school. I was able to, I could understand that concept of, oh, so if I'm going to be happy, I have to practice happiness. And literally that's what I would do. I'd be like, I'm going to smile now. I'm not kidding.
Candice (03:05)
Yeah.
Yes.
Georgette Van Vliet (03:33)
It started like that, like, I'm gonna smile. And I remember the day when I got to lunchtime and I wasn't depressed. I was like, wow, I did it. Like, that was like a big thing for me. So it's been a long journey. I've got a funny story to tell you. I went to the doctor the other day and I did the depression test and I came back moderately depressed. I was so happy. like, I'm not severely depressed. Like, I like I did, like even though like others might be like, ⁓ I'm like, no, that was a big.
Candice (03:42)
Yeah.
yes.
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (04:03)
Like, you know, moving in the momentum in the right direction takes time. So I, you know, I've come a long way. And so that's really where, and again, because I'm an educator, I got very excited. have, you know, law of attraction certifications and I have metaphysical certifications and I really just immersed myself in the world of law of attraction, manifesting and coaching.
Candice (04:03)
Yes.
Yeah.
amazing. I think you hit on a couple of really good things there. Number one, know, that a lot of us, especially if we have complex PTSD, we were raised in environments that weren't emotionally stable or nurturing or we weren't given tools. Like we weren't
Georgette Van Vliet (04:33)
Okay.
Candice (04:45)
I literally was on with my therapist before this call and I was telling her like, I wasn't modeled these skills, I wasn't taught these skills and so now I'm learning them by teaching them to myself and figuring them out on our own. So I think a lot of times...
It feels very frustrating because we feel like we're behind in some way and we compare ourselves to others to be like, well, they did this and how come I'm not doing that? Or they have this and they have that. And we don't realize like maybe their mom was a therapist or maybe, you know, we don't understand the tools that they started out with versus what we started out with. And then we beat ourselves up for not magically knowing that there were a bunch of tools that we
Georgette Van Vliet (05:10)
Yes.
Candice (05:35)
we were never introduced to. So I think like the gratitude thing, you're like, what's gratitude? ⁓ That would be very different from a little kid whose mom and dad sit down and do a gratitude practice with them at dinner every day, right? So I think for a lot of us listening, number one, I think it was a generational thing, which is very different than the generations that are being raised now. And I think two, ⁓ especially if you're listening because you have complex PTSD or trauma or.
Georgette Van Vliet (05:53)
Yes.
Candice (06:03)
⁓ emotional mental health issue challenge that you're working through ⁓ it's very easy to be like what what are you even talking about you know so the fact that you kind of latched on to like attracts like
it's that birds of a feather flock together thing, but when you think about like attracting, I'm attracting, or I am being attracted to something. So can you talk a little bit more about like how we attract things into our life and how we are attracted to things and why we do that and how we get stuck in those patterns?
Georgette Van Vliet (06:38)
Sure, just to backtrack a little bit, it's taken me a long time, like on this journey of positivity, because I had so much negative momentum and I want to just say that both my parents grew up in Greece during the occupation of the Nazis during World War II. So both my parents really saw Nazis, everything, people being hung in squares. So they came to this country very traumatized.
Candice (06:41)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (07:06)
a lot of negative lens and I grew up like that. So even though I say like attracts like, what I learned more than anything is that negative lens was I had to undo all of that and that was a lot and it's still a lot of work. I still look at it and think I'm still working on it. I love when people, I love when I'm coaching, like I'm coaching this young girl, she's 19 and she comes from this sweet family and they're very wealthy and everything's wonderful and like
Like when her boyfriend broke up with her, was like, it's okay. My friends were there to help me. I'm like, that's the difference, right? So you could see it in ⁓ a, and I said to her, you don't know how lucky you are that you can see it like that instead of falling into bed and thinking the world's over because someone broke up with you. Just a different lens. So a lot of it is building that positive momentum. And a lot of it, like when I'm coaching is helping people see that
Candice (07:42)
Yeah.
Yes.
Georgette Van Vliet (08:02)
Well, what is positive here? What are you learning? What are your life lessons? Like always to be focusing on what are your life lessons? And even the conversation before, I'm in my sixties and I'm still struggling, right? With certain things like, but on the flip side, I'm an amazing human being. Like I've, I work at a high school. I've helped so many underprivileged kids get into college and get scholarships. Like I'm passionate about that because that's who I am.
And like I've raised this amazing son, my son's 23. So it's about really being able to focus on that as well as, okay, so I'm growing, I'm definitely growing, I'm moderately depressed, I'm getting better. And then to be able to always be focusing on all the ways that you are great. Just building that foundation. So when you're trying to attract something, so here was the greatest part of all, like when I was learning about the law of attraction, like why am I not attracting anything? I was so depressed.
What was going to come to me, but more depression. So it was just about opening that up. like when I say I'm a great person, I've helped so many kids. It's just opening up my heart. It's opening up my mind to possibilities instead of feeling like, well, I'm unlucky. Nothing good. Look at my life. Nothing good ever happens for me. I could get stuck in that, but I just try to like the past is over. I'm creating my future. What am I doing? What can you create today? And just being even like with clients, like
Candice (09:00)
Right.
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (09:26)
I spoke to someone this morning and she doesn't have cancer anymore, but she keeps talking about it. Like, let it go, let it go. Focus on your health. I know it's hard, just keep redirecting your energy, reset, and just keep moving into, what am I doing next? What am I gonna do now that I'm healthy? And that's really it. That's about opening up your heart. And a lot of it for me is this. My dad left when I was 12. It was my first heartache. there's a lot of, how can your heart be open to manifesting and to attracting?
when you kind of shut down. So it's just always being aware of like where you're shut down and opening it up and just staying open to possibilities and opportunities. I wake up every morning like where are the possibilities? Where are the opportunities? And I just try to retrain myself again, even though it's been all these years, it's been 20 years of me practicing this, I can still wake up and be like, oh, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that. know, possibilities, opportunities and just staying in that place.
Candice (09:58)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think one of the things you mentioned was like, it's so easy, even our brains scientifically are kind of like programmed to focus on the negative, the negative. Like you could have taken that moderately depressed test and been like, see, I am a failure because I'm still moderately depressed. But instead you took it and you said, no, look how far I've come. Look where I used to be and where I'm not anymore.
and you were able to reframe it, which I think is a skill that a lot of us don't have, is we tend to be like, well...
I wish I didn't have any depression at all. So until I feel like that, everything sucks. Or just like you said, looking for the opportunities and the lessons and things instead of feeling fatalistic about them and feeling like this is the hand I've dealt and now it's, what can I do about it? Woe is me. Because that's very easy for us to, especially like, for example, if that's what our parents modeled to us, if our parents, like your parents had a very
traumatic experience and they were probably processing it and it was coming out in ways where you were seeing them be like really afraid or really anxious or really depressed and feel hopeless and they had to leave the land that they grew up in and there was probably a lot of grief and so when that's...
like you said, the lens that you're looking at everything through, it's really hard to realize that's the lens. Like we don't even know that that lens is there, right? So when you're working with clients and they're coming to you with this lens, how do you get them like to basically take the lens off?
Georgette Van Vliet (11:59)
Right.
So first I want to say, you know, when I started this and I did this like in the fall too, I was doing a workshop and it's very vulnerable, right? When you talk about your depression, cause people are like, well, how could you be a motivational speaker if you're depressed? Well, that's what makes me a motivational speaker, right? Like I'm working through it, but a of people don't see it that way. So it is vulnerable sometimes to speak up. And then the last time I did a workshop, I went real vulnerable and I said, I talked about self-loathing. And after the workshop,
Candice (12:22)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (12:38)
everybody, everybody like ran to me like that resonated and it just shows how many of us are struggling you know how many of us are struggling with like so it's not like so if you're depressed so is everybody else like it's not like you're like the only person I used to feel like there's something wrong with me but when you're honest and real other people get honest and real so that that's a beautiful thing to you know to ⁓ to be able to open up about and I forgot your question I'm sorry what did you ask me?
Candice (13:07)
No, it was
about the lens. think vulnerability is an important topic too. And we can talk about that as well because like you said, if you're thinking no one else is depressed, I shouldn't be depressed when statistically that's not accurate at all. And that's just for the people who will admit it when they're being asked about depression, right? Like, cause people feel shame and the self-loathing thing as well. It's like, that was another thing that I was talking to my
therapist about as well. It's like I look at myself and I sometimes I'm like, oh, I wish I wasn't this way. I feel disgusted by myself. I wish I was different. But then it's like you try and try and try with your own human power to like make yourself something else. Right. And so then that reinforces the self-loathing because it's a vicious cycle, which is also goes back to the lens question. I had said it's like when we're looking through our lives,
Georgette Van Vliet (13:59)
Yeah.
Candice (14:07)
at this lens of like...
I'm a victim, I've been dealt a bad hand, I wasn't loved or my parents abused me or I had an abusive husband or whatever the situation that we could come or find ourselves in. It's very easy for us to take that lens and look at the whole world through it instead of trying to reframe it. So how do you help people realize that they have that lens and how do you help people to take off the lens and look at things in a different way?
Georgette Van Vliet (14:38)
Well, the beauty of having experienced it myself is that I know that when you have a really negative lens or when you're depressed or anxious, you can't eliminate it immediately. somebody can say to me, you know, you know, or I could say to somebody, your boyfriend's a jerk, break up with him. That's not going to help somebody who's, know, like, no, you can't tell people what to do. You can guide them and then everyone's got to make their own decisions. And I think when I'm coaching people and I am pretty firm about this, like
when somebody will call me and tell me something, I'm always like, well, what's the positive on that? Like, I'll give you an example. I was working with a woman who's been dating someone a long time and he's not committing to her, but he's very committed to her. And she's like, I don't like this, I don't like that. Like, why are you focusing on that? Like, you've got so many, you just told me like 10 amazing things that he does for you, like drives you everywhere. Like when you were sick, he took you to the hospital, sat there waiting after surgery or whatever.
Like those are things you've got to be in awe of. And she's like, I never thought about that. So a lot of times the lens is just like listening to people, hearing their story, and then being able to spit back. Like you said this, this, and this, you know, how does, you know, isn't that, doesn't that make you feel good? Isn't that a wonderful trait? And I think the other thing that really helps me a lot when I'm coaching, I always like coach people for like 45 minutes and they're allowed like 15 or 20 minutes of texting during the week.
So during the week I learn a lot about them and then I can talk about that because sometimes when you're just coaching someone once a week, you miss all the little intricacies, all the great things that happened or whatever and then it's like you're not really effective. So by getting to know people and spending time with them, I can say, by the way, didn't you tell me like he took you to, you know, Puerto Rico for a week. That's amazing. Or like you go on this great vacation. That's amazing. okay. Yeah. So it's a lot of like...
Candice (16:08)
Mmm.
Georgette Van Vliet (16:35)
you know, showing people, you know, like just saying back to them what they've told you. And instead of focusing on what's negative, you know, thinking about, that's great, that's wonderful. And it doesn't happen right away. So just like with me and the momentum, the negative momentum, it's taken me 20 years to get here. When I'm working with people, I don't expect them to have instant results. Like I could talk to somebody and at the end of the conversation, like, wow, I feel great, I'm pumped up, you're right, I can do this, I can go start my own business.
And then in a few days, like, I can't do this, I can't do it, my God, I'm never gonna. And it's just, but that's how I was too, so I get it. I get that it's just, you're slowly building and that's really where coaching comes in. You've just gotta be literally the guide on the side and just kinda help people move along and start to see things in like baby steps.
Candice (17:05)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I feel like, cause I did coaching a little bit with a friend for a while and the
The one difference I saw was a therapist is trained to kind of be like neutral and not intervening, right? And they're not really supposed to tell you what to do. Where a coach can be like, hey, you're missing this thing right here. Like pick it up, look at it. you know, what's going on with this? I felt like I was able to accomplish, especially when it's around goals or achieving things. The coach was very, very good at helping me tangibly.
get to mile markers on the journey, like you're saying that the guide on the side because you're learning about what they need, what they're missing, where their blind spots are, so to speak. And I do think what you said about the forward momentum and kind of like the negative pull that we have, which manifesting doesn't always talk about that.
at least the stuff I've read, they've kind of been like, you know, start speaking what you want, start visualizing what you want, start, you know, moving towards what you want. But they don't talk about like somebody else I heard called it like an energetic lag, right? Like if you've been...
moving a vehicle in this direction, going 75 miles an hour down a highway and you suddenly want to U-turn and go the opposite direction, you have to hit the brakes, you have to slow down, like there's a whole physics to it almost, right? So can you talk about like how people may feel like they're not seeing any results because there's like an energetic lag happening?
Georgette Van Vliet (19:04)
That's a great question. it's resistance, right? So whenever you want something, like it's very hard, like if you want to meet a lover, right? You want to meet a soulmate or you're trying to manifest money, you're trying to build a business. There are some things that don't come quickly, right? They take time and they can be frustrating. So you build up all this resistance, right? You build up a lot of negative emotions towards it. And the really, only way that I've found, and this is from Joe Dispenza, who you're right, like when you're like,
You're listening to manifest, know, people who talk about manifesting, but like Joe really talks about, you've got to be in a state of appreciation. So like when you're like wanting to meet somebody or you want something that's not happening and you start to get frustrated, you've got to find a way to appreciate your life or appreciate where you are. Like I told you before, like it's about, for me, it's about, I'm learning so much. growing my business. It's learning is such a, it's so powerful. And so just being able to stay in gratitude, I'm sorry, in appreciation, because sometimes gratitude,
Gratitude's amazing, but sometimes you can get stuck in like, have nothing to be grateful for right now. Like you just, if you're upset, you can really have a lot of resistance to gratitude, but you can be in a state of appreciation. So that's, and then the other thing Joe talks about, and it's so true, to be able to release is love. Like love, love, love. Like just saying the word love and like permeating out love everywhere. Like loving mankind, loving your community, whatever, loving my puppy, whatever. So it's like,
Candice (20:12)
Yes.
Georgette Van Vliet (20:31)
just about getting to a space of like love is the most magnetic, right? The most powerful thing. just when you can't get out of those, when you have that resistance, just how do you ease down from that? I always think of the word ease down. That's a big one for me because I can get very frustrated, right? I can get very depressed. How do I ease down from those emotions? And that's how I do it. Appreciation, love, feeling love, and then gratitude.
Candice (20:35)
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's important talking about the energetic frequency because I can't remember who it was that did some type of study about, know, again, this is where science is starting to kind of figure out some of these things. It's like the frequency of fear versus the frequency of love or the frequency of gratitude versus the frequency of frustration, right? And so I was talking to a close friend of mine the other day about forgiveness.
because
I noticed that's a common theme in a lot of the manifestation world and a lot of the teachings is forgiveness and I we were kind of wrestling with like well why why do we have to forgive right like sometimes we just don't want to and we just want to hold on to that anger towards that person or the situation or whatever it is right and so her and I kind of hit on this thing and I was like what if it's a frequency that we're trying to tap into because for being
Georgette Van Vliet (21:43)
No, of course not. ⁓
Candice (21:57)
angry at someone and frustrated and bitter towards them. It's definitely a very different frequency than being like, I forgive this person, I release them, I let them go. ⁓
So yeah, do you want to talk a little bit about like, how do we figure out where we're landing with those frequencies and kind of learn like, well, this is why like, like attracts like, if I'm out here unforgiving people and being bitter and being angry, that's gonna pull that towards me right in this cycle, right?
Georgette Van Vliet (22:30)
Yeah, and also you can't have an open heart. How are you going to receive anything? But how are you in the state of allowing and in the state of receiving when you're so angry and your heart's like a rock? That's how I look at it. my heart was like a, that's why I'm always rubbing my heart sound like I'm warming up my heart because I've been through a lot and it is hard for me. I am very guarded, but I'm trying to open that up because I want to receive. I want to allow things to come into my life. So it's just a very, so forgiving others.
Candice (22:54)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (22:59)
is much more about that. Like I wanna let all that go. In my new book, The Happiness Frequency, I talk about, I like to think of life like we're carrying a sack of rocks on our back and we're trying to climb a mountain, right? We're like, why is this so hard? It's because we're carrying all this crap around with us. Like I wanna throw the rocks out. Like I wanna toss out any old feelings and bitterness, like you said, betrayal. And we've all been through it. Like very few people like married their high school sweetheart and.
Candice (23:27)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (23:27)
stayed in their
hometown and everything was perfect. I'm so happy for them, but that didn't, that wasn't me. I've experienced a lot of pain. So learning to let that go was a tremendous part of, ⁓ you know, allowing things to come into my life because my heart was definitely closed down. So I think that's an important thing. And like, I love what you just said. And I love to, what I call meditative walk, I'll go for a walk and I'll release and I'll say, I'll say to God, the universe, whatever word you want to use.
Candice (23:31)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (23:56)
I'm ready to forgive so and so and I'll go on a walk and I'll say what you just said, I release you, I let you go. And I always send myself blessing. So I might say like, like my husband's name is Ike, I'll use Ike. you know, I bless you, I let you go, you know, and I'll say bless myself. So I always give myself a blessing too. Like I'll let go and bless people or I'll send them light. I send myself light as well, right? Like I want to feel good. And it's about forgiving yourself too.
Like a lot of it, I am so mad at myself for so many things and I'm constantly, look at me, I'm tapping already. I'm constantly releasing because if I don't release, I can't open up to what's possible. So it's just a really important part of the law of attraction and attracting. Like everybody thinks, okay, I'm gonna manifest a lover. You've got to do a lot of back work first. You've got to learn how to be happy within. You've got to learn how to be inspired within. You've got to learn how to love unconditionally. You've got to learn how to forgive.
Candice (24:22)
Yes. ⁓
Georgette Van Vliet (24:52)
Like there's so many things that go along with, in fact, the law of attraction tricked us into being better people. Like you don't get to manifest more money, no, no, you're going to become a really good person first. And that's really been, you know.
Candice (24:58)
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's a good point because when I was doing, when I originally started that one program that I told you about called To Be Magnetic, ⁓ they advertise it as manifest, manifest the life of your dreams, manifest more money. But when I started doing the work, I was like, wait, this is like processing trauma. This is processing your shadow. This is processing your inner child wounds. It's learning how to let things go and forgive, learning how to like.
give yourself love, like you said, bless yourself back. And I was like, this isn't about money. You guys are tricking me into like loving. Yeah, you're tricking me into like loving myself or something, right? But I do think you hit on something really important when you were talking because when we are closed off because we have been hurt, we've been mistreated or abused or neglected or whatever you wanna term, I mean.
Georgette Van Vliet (25:39)
I want the money. Right. Yeah.
Candice (25:59)
everyone in the world has experienced some way in which they've been given an opportunity to close off and to protect themselves. I especially feel like there was a book I read
forget what his name is, Peter something, but it talks about complex PTSD and the armoring. literally physically are muscles tense and we will crouch and we will close down because we are afraid of being killed or hurt or injured, right? And so that armoring that we feel energetically of like, don't trust people. I don't want to be vulnerable with people because I don't want to be hurt by them. Like I was hurt in this situation or this childhood or this interaction.
Georgette Van Vliet (26:18)
us to a true.
Candice (26:42)
have with these people and so the closing off of our hearts to protect ourselves it's also like you're saying it's closing us off from receiving which can you talk more about that because I really think that's something that I don't think enough people talk about how it's it may be keeping us safe but it's also blocking
Georgette Van Vliet (27:04)
Totally, yes.
I don't even know where to begin. Like when you're angry, you know, I have a lot of, it's interesting. I have a lot of anger issues, but I carry a lot of my anger from my father. My father was a very angry man. And I think I picked up a lot of that behavior from him. So I tend to be like, ⁓ right. Like I tend to be like, not aggressive, I'm not an aggressive person, but I tend to be like a bull in a sense. And it's like that, it's like that force, right? Like I'm going to force it. I'm going to make it happen.
And that's just all, even saying it's hard to say it right now, because I've so tried to back that easing down from all that, like learning to trust life. Like, yes, I've been hurt, but I can trust the process. And that's hard to do, right? Because so many things have happened. And then just to understand that when you're in that mode of like, I'm going to make it happen, or this is mine, it's, you're just, you're not open to receiving it all. You're completely closed down. And so...
How do you open that up? When you realize that, when you have that moment of like, okay, I don't want to be like this anymore, but I don't know how to be another way. This is the only thing I know. And also this has kept me safe. Me being a bad you know what is what protects me from, keeps everybody away. I don't want to be that. So I'm always, especially middle-aged women, I'm always like, we have to soften it up. We've got to soften up our whole demeanor. We've got, because we've been through a lot.
Candice (28:11)
Yes.
Absolutely.
Georgette Van Vliet (28:31)
And I get it, but we gotta let all that go. So it's really about not living in the past. I don't even think it was the other day. I don't even know when it was. I had a memory. I'm like, Georgette, that happened 20 years ago. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go, Georgette. Let it go. And it's really about when these things come up, it's like, what do you do with them? You could get hard and be like, yeah, that was horrible. Or you could be like, I'm creating my future. Goodbye.
Candice (28:45)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (28:58)
I don't want to deal with you anymore. Like, and just like really learning to like push it away. Like I said, the sack of rocks tossing it. I like to think I have a, I do this a lot. I do two things. I have a golden vacuum that's connected to whatever you want, God, the sun. And I can vacuum, like I can see myself metaphorically vacuuming just like toxicity off of me. Like just vacuuming my back, my head, whatever. I also like to see, I like to visualize like the same kind of thing, like a hose.
that goes deep into the ground, into the magma, which is so hot that all my negativity when it goes in there, it's not hurting nature, it's not hurting the earth, it's just burning up, it's just going right down. And I use those visuals a lot to get all the stuff off of me and out of my body. And I do it all the time. Like I think I did it this morning. I, you know, like just vacuuming off or, know, siphoning things off of me so that I can be open. And I'm not gonna lie to you.
It's not 100 % for me yet. Like again, like that young girl I told you about, she's like so open, like everything's okay. I'm so happy for her. For me, it's still a process of like, I want to allow, I want to allow things in. I want to allow, like I want to receive. So sometimes it's just about sitting and allowing myself to sit. I don't have to always be doing, and I don't give myself permission to sit, right? Like I'm in such a state of emergency that I've got to always be doing, you know. So it's a lot about like,
giving myself that permission, I take a nap. I'll just like close my eyes, I'll lie down and take a nap and I give myself permission to do that. And just being able, just being okay with just being in that relaxed state, which will open this up to receiving. So it's work. Like for me, it's work and it's ongoing. Just like some things like the depression's gotten better, this is getting better. I'm still working at it. I want it to get a lot better. So we can't be impatient as we're working on ourselves. If we know we've had a lot of heartache and betrayal,
It may take you a while to open up your heart to receiving, but you've got to keep saying, I'm open to receiving. I allow, I allow good to come into my life. So as you like let go, so good. This is a good point. want to bring this up. The whole vacuuming and the siphoning. When you let go of someone, when you go for like a meditative walk, that's when I do it. Like I release so and so I release it. You've got to be very clear and keep it open and say, now that I've released Joe, Joe was like in my head.
Candice (31:09)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (31:24)
I'm not allowing anyone else in my head. I'm going to allow, that's a space for allowing things to come in. You to be very intentional about once you clear that you have a choice of who and what energy you will allow into your life. That's a huge one because then you know what happens if we, goes and John shows up and John's got the same qualities, you know, or it could be a girl, it could be a female, it could be a friend who's toxic. So it's just really important to clear and just to be intentional about allowing and receiving.
Candice (31:37)
Yes.
Georgette Van Vliet (31:53)
being in those states.
Candice (31:54)
Yes,
I think that's so crucial, especially for us who grew up around parents and role models or whoever your caregiver was that was modeling these behaviors. So for me, it was female friendships. Like you said, ⁓
I would be like, this person kind of like humiliates me in front of people or they kind of will like talk shit about me behind my back and kind of pin people against me or pit people against me, I should say. And so I would get rid of that friend. And sure enough, what do you know, the next friend six months in, I'm like, ⁓ I'm here all over again. What happened? I thought I got rid of that. Right. And so, like you said, being very conscientious about I am releasing this toxic
Georgette Van Vliet (32:31)
sorry.
Candice (32:40)
repetitive unhealthy behavior.
What do I choose now to bring in? Because it is a, you know, it's we've got to make a conscious effort. Otherwise, we'll just keep recycling the pattern. I mean, you see this a lot. Unfortunately, when I did social work, it was very sad because you'd see the woman who the battered wife or the battered girlfriend, and she would finally get up the nerve and get the safety and get a safety plan. And she'd leave the guy and she'd get away and she'd have to get a protective order. And she would do so.
Georgette Van Vliet (32:51)
every day.
Candice (33:13)
much work and then six months later she starts dating this guy and I can see it but she can't see it right and she's just gonna get into this behavior of like the same dance right
So I love that analogy where when you're choosing, like I no longer want this cycle to keep regurgitating in my life, I'm going to choose to be open to something. And you could even like say it out loud, I'm now choosing to be open to safety, or I'm now choosing to be open to people who are emotionally stable or whatever it is that you're wanting to bring in. I love that concept. And I love the vacuum and the hose thing because ⁓
Georgette Van Vliet (33:43)
Yes.
Yes.
Candice (33:58)
It is really like a lot of times it's like you said, we have to do it over and over and over and over again. It's still like a daily practice.
Georgette Van Vliet (34:06)
Every day. It's Groundhog Day. love that movie.
But I have three things that you just brought up that I really want to say. I love what you just said. Thank you for bringing it up, saying it out loud. Do you know that I had a friend years ago, I knew her from elementary school, but she was so, like she would scream at me. Like she would just, like she'd get mad at me and she would scream. And I remember one day, was, and this is emphatic.
Candice (34:14)
Yeah, yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (34:33)
We have to be in fact, I said out loud, no one is allowed to be mad at me anymore. No one. And do know that no one, I should have, but not Gunwood. That was the last time, but like I was in fact, like no, no more done. like, but being in fact, it like that, I'm sorry, I to raise my voice, like you have to do that. You've got to like be emphatic with yourself, like done, I'm done. And it does shift, you know, and I want to say one more thing about like that open up energy. And this comes up a lot. So I wrote it down.
Candice (34:50)
No, no.
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (35:02)
So it's an everyday, like you said, but also we have to get it like those of us that are traumatized, especially like I'll be your friend, right? No, they have to earn our trust. We have to start reframing instead of being like, you like me? That's so great. It's going to be no, no, no. Let me get, let me, let me take some time here and let me see what you do. Let me see if you've earned my trust to be allowed in my life. And that's a, when I tell people that they're like, Whoa, I've never done that. Me neither. And I've learned to do it like,
Candice (35:09)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (35:32)
You've got to earn it, you know? And if you don't want to earn it, that's great. Bye. I don't need more friends. Like I need quality people. And say that out loud. I need quality people in my life. That's it. So yeah, people have to earn your trust.
Candice (35:43)
Yeah, yeah.
I think that's a good point. the saying it aloud, one of the people that I listened to, she says, I am no longer available for insert whatever it is. If it's I'm no longer available for toxic friendships, or I'm no longer available for people screaming at me, or I'm no longer available. Like I like to do it with things that I'm encountering over and over again, like. ⁓
Georgette Van Vliet (35:55)
Yeah, I love that.
Candice (36:12)
you know, if it's a coworker that's kind of passive aggressive or a situation where you're just like, this sucks. don't like this. Just start saying it out loud when you're in your car or the bathroom. What, you know, so people aren't like, what is this person doing? ⁓ you just be like, I'm no longer available. And I've started when I've really, it's, sad because I feel like, why did I wait nine months to figure out that I'm not going to be available for this? But you know, once I get to that point, I'm like, ⁓
Georgette Van Vliet (36:24)
Yes.
Yeah. You're human. Yeah.
Candice (36:42)
no longer available
Georgette Van Vliet (36:43)
Yeah.
Candice (36:43)
for this behavior to continue to appear. I talked to a couple of my friends the other day because ⁓ it was a pattern I was noticing with these friendships where I was like, I don't really like how this person's behaving. And I tried to like quietly exit the friendship or I tried to like, you know, do it these different nice like non assertive ways. And then I've tried it in assertive ways. And you know, but then the pattern comes back.
again and so she said maybe why don't you just try telling the universe you don't want that lesson anymore.
and just say it out loud, like, I'm done with this lesson. I don't want this lesson anymore. Let it go. Like, we are no longer available for these types of patterns to come back, right? And so I was like, you can actually like tell the universe or tell God or tell whatever it is your higher power, some people call it like your... ⁓
your higher self, you know, if it's like that's a version of yourself too, like your future self. ⁓ I think it's like saying it out loud. So we hear ourselves say it and be really emphatic about it. I think that's very, very powerful. And I have noticed when I finally been like enough about something, then I'm like, ⁓ it did, it went away. Like it stopped, right? So I think that's so important and it does seem a little silly. Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (37:56)
Yes.
and put some tapping in it too. When you tap
in it, you know, too, it's like, yeah, people must think I'm crazy when I'm walking. I'm like, no more. And I'm just like tapping and I'm like, I work, I'm a high school supervisor and I work about 45 minutes from my job, from home. And I have a big park here. A lot of times I walk here and I'm like, I don't care because I don't know anybody. I'm like tapping and I'm like, not doing this anymore or whatever. And then one day a bunch of young girls from my school
Candice (38:17)
Top, top, top, top, top.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (38:38)
were dropped off at the park to solicit for like a political and all of a I hear Mrs. Van Vliet. I'm like, oh God, how could they that? But I don't care because my mental health is so important to me. If I have to go to a park or somewhere to like let it out, that's what I do. And I do it every day. Like every day I'll go for a walk and I'm something out. And it's, you know, I wanted to say, you mentioned something like I saw this, I read this the other day that it's brilliant.
Candice (38:42)
⁓
Hehehehe
Yeah.
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (39:06)
Brendan Bouchard, who's like a motivational speaker, he says he coaches four billionaires and he's got four billionaire clients. And he says the one thing that all four billionaires have in common is they're assertive. And I find that like, again, assertiveness is a practice. It's not, you're not yelling, you're not sarcastic, you're not rolling your eyes. Being able to say to someone, that doesn't work for me. I don't want to do that. I'm not doing that. Or no thank you.
Like just to be able to have those phrases that you can just, ⁓ like you said with conviction, no, I'm not doing that. And just to say, and I can understand why you can be a billionaire when you're not swallowing it, you're not taking it all in and you're not spending nine months wondering, is this a good friend or not? Like that you've just got that very clear. And again, with the trauma, it's a lot of work, but I'm getting there and I think you're probably getting there too. It's like, I don't want to tolerate bad behavior anymore.
Candice (39:56)
Yes.
Georgette Van Vliet (40:02)
I've tolerated a lot of bad behavior because I'm a good girl and I'm a nice girl. But in the meantime, I'm hurting the most important person, me. To make you happy, I'm hurting Georgette. Doesn't Georgette have to be a priority for Georgette?
Candice (40:11)
Yeah.
Yes.
That's such a good point. And I think too, when I first started to do that work of being like even a tiny bit assertive, I would tell my therapist, I'd be like, this feels so mean. And it also feels so scary because I was used to people treating me as if boundaries were non-existent, right? They got to treat me however they wanted to treat me and I just had to deal with it. And so when I first started to be like, no, that doesn't work for me. Like even saying, no, that doesn't work for me. Like my stomach kind of like,
Georgette Van Vliet (40:29)
Yeah.
Candice (40:48)
You know what I mean? So practicing, like you said, even if you're just talking to yourself in the mirror or talking to yourself as you go for a walk or in your car, these assertiveness techniques, you know, I'm sure you can Google them or whatever. But yeah, just just basically saying like.
This isn't what I want. I'm not gonna do that. can't do, I'd like, no thank you. Like because what I found myself doing is I would give the answer and then I would basically give an apology along with it or.
Georgette Van Vliet (41:18)
Explain
yourself.
Candice (41:20)
or over explain, well, I can't come to your son's birthday party because ⁓ I'm sick or my goldfish died or blah, blah, blah. I would have to give up a reason. And my therapist was like, why do you have to give them a reason? You can just say, no, I'm not coming. And I'm like, I can, I can just say that, what? And so I think so many of us have learned it's a form of fawning, right? It's a form of people pleasing and that kept us safe in our childhoods. But now that we're adults, it's really,
Georgette Van Vliet (41:37)
do that.
Candice (41:52)
prohibiting us from living our best lives and from putting ourselves in a place of priority. And I'm not saying like, you know, walk all over people. But like you said, why do I have to hurt so that you can feel happy? Why can't I be happy? Right? And so it is a prioritizing.
Georgette Van Vliet (42:08)
Why am I spending Saturday
at your house when I'd rather be writing my book? Like, why am I giving it to you? And then I'm angry all afternoon because I'm not doing what I want to do, right? Yeah. And you burp a good point. I want to mention this in case people want to know. Like, you just said, and it's true, like, when you say no thank you and someone goes, but why? No thank you. Why? No thank you. You just keep repeating the phrase. You do not give an explanation because the person is looking to contradict what you're saying. So it's like, say a phrase, say it over and over, and then people eventually get tired of
Candice (42:11)
Right.
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (42:38)
asking you but the beauty of that is as hard as it is in the moment you do feel so empowered after it's like I stood up for myself like I didn't want to go I didn't want to drive you I didn't want to paint your house or whatever you're asking me to do and I said no and then that guy you know it's such a great feeling but that builds your confidence.
Candice (42:46)
Yeah.
Yeah,
I think too, because I was so used to when I said no to my parents, there was a huge explosion and I was in trouble and I was, there was punishments. But so when I started practicing it in adulthood, I was always shocked. Like, ⁓
I thought they were going to blow up at me and there was going to be this huge altercation, but they actually took the no and they moved on very quickly. And so I think that's something that, you know, stepping through the discomfort on the other side, we're very often surprised like that wasn't horrible. I had built it up in my head with fear and anxiety about how it was going to be such a terrible experience having this boundary or, or telling this person, no, I'm not interested in doing that. And then when I actually
did it I was like why was I avoiding that for months on end when it was so simple if I would have just done it the very first time and I think that yeah and I think that goes back to that like attracts like thing when we are constantly people pleasing and trying to be nice like you said be the nice girl be the good girl go along to get along what we're attracting is people who
Georgette Van Vliet (43:54)
You were traumatized, right? You were traumatized, yeah. ⁓
Candice (44:10)
do whatever, they don't have boundaries, they don't respect. And so we're bringing that into our experience and it's reinforcing it instead of, I had this example with a situation the other day with a person and a third person. And so I was talking to the third person, I said, know, with this person here, I think if at the very beginning, when I first started to get to know them, I had been like, why are you doing that?
Why do you why'd you say that if I had been more blunt and unfiltered and been more authentic and who I was Would this person's behavior have gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone and to the point where it was intolerable Would they have figured out within the first 15 minutes of meeting me that Candice doesn't put up with that crap Candice is not the person to go to if I want to do this thing Right, but instead I sent a message that was like I'll put up with it. I'll listen to you complain. I'll listen
Georgette Van Vliet (45:06)
Yes.
Candice (45:08)
to you drone on about your problems you know what mean like that I think that's part of with the trauma combined with the manifestation why it's so it's like I think like you said for that girl who had that really blessed
upbringing with her parents and stable and secure attachment and love and all that stuff. Manifestation, I can see when I'm looking at people and how they experience it, they can manifest things really quickly and easily because they're not undoing all this stuff, right? And so they can be like, ⁓ I manifested this car that I really wanted, or I manifested this partner or this career. And I'm like, it feels like slugging through mud for me because I'm like, I'm
Georgette Van Vliet (45:32)
Yes.
Right, right.
Wait.
Candice (45:51)
also realizing I'm saying I want something, but my behavior and what energy that I'm putting out into the world is that I'll settle, I'll take something else, I'll put myself last, right? So there's all these things too that I think as we're trying to manifest and we're trying to use the law of attraction, but we're also dealing with our trauma that come to like butt heads, you know?
Georgette Van Vliet (46:15)
I don't want to talk about that because that's a really good point, that when like I'm manifesting my business, right? I'm working really hard. I love it. And it's what I love to do. But I decided a couple of months ago that any extra money I have, I want to put it toward Facebook ads or I'm trying to like, you know, get people to help me. Like, so whatever extra money I had, I have, I've been using it towards that. So this is interesting. This is good about manifesting. But I have a lot of girlfriends that love to go out to eat. Well,
That's what I've given up because I can't go out to eat and spend $100 on dinner and drinks and then not have that money toward what's important to me. And here's the difference. I could be a victim, be like, oh, can't believe I can't go out. And my friends, I love them to death, but they can shame me a little bit. They're like, again, you can't go out? What's the problem? And I'm like, there is no problem. I'm wise with my money. So I'm not the victim. I'm wise. I'm wise with my money. I'm choosing.
to spend my money here right now. And I need you to respect that. So it's a huge shift, but again, it's about, you're right, that manifesting, you have to make those decisions and some of them aren't easy, and you've got to make them from a place of being empowered and a victor. You're not a victim when you decide, I'm not going to happy hour because I want to lose weight and I'm going go to the gym instead. You can't feel sorry for yourself. You've got to make that decision and you've got to move forward with it because that's what you want to manifest. So it's really what you want to focus on.
That's been very interesting, that empowerment. Again, that little bit of shame and like, really, Georgette, you don't have money for dinner? Of course I have money for dinner, but I'm choosing to spend it. I'm wise. I'm choosing to spend it here. So it's just a lot of language stuff and a lot of assertiveness and staying true to what I want to do, what's important to me.
Candice (47:52)
Yeah.
Yeah, which I think so many people who've been...
raised in situations where they didn't feel safe to do what they wanted to do. They didn't feel like the people around them would allow it or support it. And so we're it's almost like we're going through our adolescence all over again in adulthood because we finally have hopefully created a situation where we can be ourselves and make our decisions that for what's best for us. And I think that's the other thing that comes up for so many people is like, even though in theory, I am now allowed to make
the decision for what's best for me. I continue to choose not to do it because it feels weird and it feels uncomfortable and it feels strange. Yes, for now. Yeah, eventually it'll it'll become less like the more you practice it that muscle it'll become easier and easier. ⁓
Georgette Van Vliet (48:43)
now. For now. You'll get used to it.
Candice (48:55)
And I know we've been almost at an hour, so I wanna give you time to promote your work, if people wanna work with you to learn more about how they can learn these skills and implement them. Can you share with us like your new book that's coming out or that's come out and your website and all that? Yeah, go for it.
Georgette Van Vliet (49:09)
Yes.
Yes, one more thing though, when you
have these people who are taking in your life and you move them away, I love to say, I want to receive. That's a really big thing. Like you remove the takers and you're like, I'm looking to receive now. Like I want to be, like, you know, I think it's important for us who are always giving to see ourselves receiving. So that's how I've been replacing, like when I move a taker out of my life, I'm like, that's great. I'm receiving here. I love that. I love that. It feels good to me. Like, you know, I'm, you know,
Candice (49:29)
Yes. ⁓
Yeah!
Georgette Van Vliet (49:40)
bring it out, bring it on, bring it in, you know, like I made room for it. So, yeah, so I'm, you know, my website is my full name, georgeetbandley.com. My books are there. I also offer coaching. I also offer 15 minute free coaching sessions and anyone is welcome to, I invite everybody to take that opportunity because I can do a of goal, like oriented, like if you're not feeling well and you want to feel better, what can you focus on to start moving in the direction of your dreams? I love that.
Candice (49:42)
Yeah.
That's a good point. ⁓
Georgette Van Vliet (50:10)
I love that I'm able to do that. And I just finished a book called Raise Your Happiness Frequency, and it really is about the depression and anxiety that I went through. And you know, when you don't, it's funny when you're depressed, right, you probably don't have money and I didn't at the time. Couldn't go to Paris to go shopping and feel better. I had to learn to do everything, all the mindset shifts, how to be in my head. And the book is really about that. you can start to feel better while you're going out to dinner, while you're washing dishes, while you're doing the laundry. You can consistently
reprogram those neural pathways in your mind to support whatever it is that you want to do, whatever it is that you want to manifest, and that's where it starts. It starts in your mindset.
Candice (50:49)
Yes, absolutely. I think that's so so pivotal because everything follows what our beliefs are and our mind. It's like steering the ship. Right. And so if our mind is constantly focusing on those things that we were talking about negative or repeating stuck patterns, you know, the ship's not going where we want it to go. So shifting your mindset. And I'm very, you know, curious about your book, about the happiness frequency. That sounds fascinating because I do think, you know, we touched a little bit about that frequency and energy and
Georgette Van Vliet (51:07)
fix it clean.
Candice (51:19)
tapping into that, especially when you like you said, you may not have a lot of money or you may not be in a job you like, or you may not have the friends you want, but every day tapping into that frequency and staying in that frequency a little longer and a little longer until like I.
one lady was talking about tipping the scales to where instead of being in the negative 70, 30, then it goes like 60, 40, and then finally you're in the negative, I mean in the positive more than you are in the negative all day long. And so it is definitely like a frequency that we can learn to be in. So.
Georgette Van Vliet (51:38)
Yes.
Yeah, and it's about just the awareness, right? You're just always aware of like, what are you creating? I love that. What am I creating? Like, so I can get annoyed about something, somebody cut me off, somebody's rude. You know what? I don't want to think about that. What am I creating today? It's always about focusing on what you're building in your life and where you want to go. Because we have a lot of, once we realize this, we have a lot of power. And that's really what the book is about. Like, just getting empowered, confident, and courage. Like, I think we need to live courageous lives and...
Candice (52:07)
Yeah.
Georgette Van Vliet (52:21)
And I understand why we don't, but we can step into that. know, in the law of attraction, it's an amazing concept to help you be a better person. So it's just been tremendous for me.
Candice (52:29)
Yeah,
absolutely. Well, thank you for so much for coming on. I appreciate it. And I will link all her things in the show notes for everyone listening and watching to go explore. And she has some great social media stuff too. She's very active. So you can watch her videos there and learn more about this as well. And thanks so much, Georgette. And thank you everyone for listening and have a great day.