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A faith-forward podcast for people who love Jesus but also love being honest about how weird and wonderful life can be. Hosts Kerrye and Jill tell stories about the Bible, talk about their faith, and dig into what it looks like to follow God through the ordinary chaos of everyday, imperfect life. Real conversations. Real stories. No pretending to have it all together. Pull up a chair, turn the page, and let's go.
Welcome to Chapter and Verse, where people
tell real stories about faith, failure,
redemption, and those "Lord, I'm gonna
need you to explain this one" moments.
Some stories are inspiring, some
are messy, some are miraculous,
and some probably should have
come with a warning label.
But through every chapter of
every story, God has a plan.
And he's never been
afraid of a little chaos.
We're Jill.
And Kerrye.
Let's turn the page
Okay, so we're here with our
good friend Jennifer Walker.
Jennifer, welcome.
Thank you.
Welcome, welcome.
Thank you for having me.
Happy that you're here today.
Um, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Mkay.
I've grown up in church
all my life pretty much.
My dad started pastoring a
church when I was four years old.
Oh, wow.
Uh, so my dad has been in the
m- in the ministry all my life.
That's all I've ever known
was being a preacher's kid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it come with the good, but it
also come with a little bit of bad.
Oh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but Mom and- 'Cause
people be peopling, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mom and Dad were both always
real good at separating- Oh
As much as they could Like normal
⦠away from us- Mm-hmm ⦠and normal.
You find out things after
you get a little bit older.
Mm-hmm.
You know, that they'll
say- And like â¦"Well,
you remember the"â¦
And I'm like Like, "Oh,
that was the context?"
"They did that?"
Like, oh, wow.
Scandalous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then every once in a while you
find out things, you know, that
Like one time I was dating a
guy and he didn't show up, and
I thought, "What is going on?"
Hmm.
And so a day went by, no phone
call, no nothing, you know.
And I'm thinking, I'm heartbroken.
Yeah.
Um, and so years later I was talking
to Mom about it, and I was like, "I
wonder what happened to that guy."
And she was like, "He called.
I told him not to call again."
I was like
Good for you, Mom.
Okay.
Didn't know she had that
in her, but she does.
Your mom is so- She's like, "You're,
you're happily married now-" Yes.
"⦠and it's all great."
Yes.
"It's safe to tell you."
Yes.
Your mom is so sweet.
He wasn't the one and we knew it.
Yeah.
And soft-spoken.
I can't imagine her doing that.
I know.
It surprised me.
Yeah.
Uh, I didn't know she had it in her-
Yeah ⦠but she, she obviously does.
Do you think she would
come on the podcast?
She probably would.
If you and Pam will convince her to do it.
Oh my gosh, yes please.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, we didn't say, but
you are Pam Turner's sister.
Yes.
Yep.
A family affair.
Family affair.
Yep.
We have one brother.
Jim.
Oh, I did not ⦠I didn't
know you had a brother.
Yeah.
I didn't know that either.
Does he live here?
He's very quiet.
Oh.
So he's probably not likely to
come on the pod . Probably not.
Come on, Jim.
Yeah.
He's probably not.
He's kinda quiet.
Okay.
Is he, live around here too?
Yeah.
He, he goes to RFA.
He does?
Yes.
He comes- In Wilburn ⦠and he
sits usually with Mom and Katie.
Okay.
Is he married to Kathy?
Yes, Kathy.
Okay.
I know him.
Yeah.
Because he came to VBS to help one night.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
But- Jim, I know you ⦠okay.
Yeah.
He works at JW.
Okay.
So he works every other weekend.
Okay.
Gotcha.
So that kind of messes up his ⦠He's
not there every Sunday- Right ⦠because
he's working every other Sunday.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now the family's coming, the
family tree is coming together now.
Yeah.
I can see it.
And so, you know, in RFA, we have got a
good little group- Yeah ⦠of family.
Yes.
You've got a corner of the, the
church, a corner of The Round Church.
Jolene, what are you doing?
Yeah.
You got a little section of
the sanctuary over there.
We got a little triangle.
Yes.
Yes.You
got a section of pie.
Except I think most of them come to
first- Oh ⦠and we come to second.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so we can't get ⦠Well, we
could get up that early, and we
generally do, but it's like the one
morning that we don't have to rush.
Have to rush.
Yeah.
Yes.
I get that.
And, and so Edwin really needs
that little bit of a break.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Because he's generally up by
3:30, 4:00 out the door by then.
Oh my goodness.
Be able to sleep in and just relax.
Yep.
Yeah.
Drink his coffee.
He's like, "I can have more than one cup."
Yeah.
Sunday is a day of rest.
It is.
It is.
That's okay.
It is.
And we like second service.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's definitely different.
I feel like First service
are, are my type of people.
And I love second service too, but
like I thought if I we- were to
pick one, I would probably go to
first service because I like toâ¦
I'm already awake.
Yeah.
And you know, we don't have
little kids anymore and I'm
just like, "Let's go," you know?
I mean, I'm there for both services,
but like if I was just choosing
one, I would ⦠Those people areâ¦
I mean, they're e- they're e- I said
once, y'all even tithe on your time.
Your first, your first
at church First fruits.
Yeah, first fruits.
You're gonna tithe on your time.
But anyway, but I do enjoy second
'cause it's people are more awake I
feel like, and like ready to party.
Yeah.
You know, like let's party.
Yeah, ready to worship.
Yes.
Yeah.
Ready to get in there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Well what chapter are you going
to be sharing with us today?
Oh, I am going to be s- sharing
my story, my biggest story of my
diagnosis with multiple sclerosis.
Okay.
Okay.
And I say my diagnosis- Mm-hmm
⦠because one time when me and Pam were
driving to an appointment, I said
I'm having a hard time saying I have.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I said, "I don't wanna claim it."
Yeah.
Right.
You don't want ownership of it.
No.
Yeah.
And so she's like, "Don't-" Mm-hmm
⦠say, 'I have been diagnosed withâ¦'
Yes.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
You know, and occasionally I may slip
up, and if she's- Mm-hmm ⦠with
me she'll be like, "Eh."
You know?
She'll put me in my spot and
she's like- The way sisters do.
"No.
Don't claim it."
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Yeah, yeah.
And so usually if I'm on my game- Yeah
then when someone asks, I'll say, "I have
been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis."
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, so I'm gonna share a little bit
about- Sure ⦠finding out, you know?
Okay.
How it come about.
Um- Okay ⦠so it probably in 2018, um,
it was our 25th anniversary and we went on
a cruise, our very first cruise to go on.
Mm-hmm.
Of course Pam and Joe was there with us.
Mm-hmm.
And one of Joe's cousins was there.
Um, and so we had went on a cruise, and
one of the places we stopped was St.
Martin Beach- Okay ⦠where
the planes fly in.
Yes.
Hmm.
Yeah.
And that was all I could talk about, was I
want to see the plane fly over the beach.
Yeah.
You know, I wanna be there.
I wanna see it go over the top of my head.
Yeah.
And just if you've never been on
the cru- on a cruise, the water
is- Mm-hmm ⦠so beautiful.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
There is nothing that compares
to the blueness of the water
in the middle of the ocean.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And I love that.
Mm-hmm.
I love that blue water just
You can see right through it.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Just beauty to me, and I'm like, "Why
isn't the water everywhere like this?"
Mm-hmm.
It's so beautiful.
Yeah.
Um, and so we are on the cruise,
everything's going well, and we get off
at the f- first dock, and it was St.
Martin.
And so I remember we're walking
up the pier going inland to
catch a taxi to go to the beach.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and so I remember walking, and all
of a sudden I just kinda slowed down, and
they're like, "What's, what's goin' on?"
And I'm like, "My legs,
they're tired feeling."
Hm.
And t- they were like I, you know what?
Do you know why they're like that?"
And I'm like, "No.
I just feel really weak."
Mm-hmm.
And I would feel like if I kept
walking, I was going to possibly trip.
Okay.
Yeah.
Didn't wanna fall, you know?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Right out in front of everybody.
Right.
Yeah.
Didn't want to trip, go over the
pier- Right ⦠and be in the water.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so I remember just walking, and
so they ended up calling ⦠They
had some little rickshaw guys.
Mm-hmm.
And so they got a little rickshaw.
I got on that.
We rode that up to the taxi area.
Mm-hmm.
Um, got on that, and we get down to the
beach, and Pam and Edwin are helping me.
Mm-hmm.
They're on both sides of me- Mm-hmm
⦠just letting me kinda hold onto them-
Mm-hmm ⦠walking along, and it was
really rocky getting down to that area.
Mm-hmm.
So climbing over just all
the unsteadiness- Right
and, and then the sand too.
Yeah.
You know?
Well, yeah, 'cause walking beach
for, you know, an able-bodied,
not having any issues at all
person is treacherous sometimes.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
And certainly can take it out of you.
Yes.
You know?
So I can imagine if you're feeling
weak or, like, your he- your legs
feel heavy or anything like that.
Yes.
It would just be damn near impossible.
It ⦠Right.
You know?
And so we get to the beach, and I told
Edwin, I said, "Just let me sit down."
And so he sat me down, and they
all kind walked over, 'cause a
plane was starting to come in.
Mm-hmm.
So they all walk more to the center.
Mm-hmm.
And so I'm just sitting at
the edge in the, in the sand.
And so the plane comes over.
We got to see it.
Mm-hmm.
It was really, really cool.
Mm-hmm.
Um, you could just feel, you know, the
air- Mm-hmm ⦠moving off of that.
And the fa- Did you feel like it was
close enough you could, like, touch it?
It felt like that.
Okay.
That you could stretch your hand up- Yeah
⦠and touch the bottom of the plane.
Mm-hmm.
You couldn't.
You couldn't, but- But-
But it feels like it.
It feels like it.
And then if you're standing
directly under it, they say
the sand will, like, pelt you.
Oh, wow.
Like, yeah.
Ooh.
From the ⦠All the air.
Wow.
Yeah.
So they said, you know, "If you're right
under it, it can be a little painful."
Oh.
Hmm.
Okay.
"So maybe not be right directly under it."
Yeah.
Um, so I remember once the plane
had went over, Pam, or Edwin
came back over, and he's like You
wanna walk down to the water?"
And I'm like, "I can't get up."
And he's like, "What do you mean?"
And I said, "I cannot stand up."
And he goes, "Why?"
And I'm like, "I have no strength.
None."
It was that fast.
It was that fast.
Wow.
Um, and so there was a guy sitting
there with his family, and he s-
he said, "Hey, will you help me?"
And the guy was like,
"Yeah, what do you need?"
They got me onâ¦
He goes, "Help me get
her down to the water."
So they both got on both sides of me- Aw.
Oh ⦠and picked me up, helped me stand,
and walked me to the edge of the water,
and by that time Pam had seen- Right
what was going on.
Mm-hmm.
So she comes, um, over.
Well, and Pam's a nurse.
Yes, so she's- So she's putting
it together like this is a
little bit different than just
I feel a little bit funky.
Right.
Yeah.
And so she came over.
We both sat in the edge of the water,
and just the water helped cool me down.
Okay.
And so with multiple sclerosis,
heat is your- One of your nemesis.
Oh.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so I had gotten hot and it just
You have no muscle strength once you
get hot It just, it zaps your energy.
It zaps it.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
And um, so I sat there, we sat there.
I cooled off enough that I
was like, "Okay, I'm done.
I've gotta get out of this."
Yeah.
You know?
"I've gotta find shade."
Mm-hmm.
And so we ended up leaving the area.
I think before we left another
plane had come in and so we
got to see a couple- A couple.
Mm-hmm ⦠of different planes come in.
Um, but we ended up leaving
and just ⦠We hired a taxi
and he took us all around St.
Martin.
He just drove us around.
Um, and so then we made
our way back to the ship.
And so I went in our room
and just kinda cooled off.
And once I had cooled off and I
was back at the ship, you know, I
was able to kind of walk around.
I could still feel a little bit of
the weakness, but it wasn't bad.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and so I remember Edwin and
Pam and all of them had went up
to one of the decks and they had
told me, you know, "Call us and
we'll come down and get you-" Yeah
or this is where we're gonna be."
Mm-hmm.
And so I remembered just going
up and meeting them, and so they
were both like, "When we get home,
we're going to a neurologist."
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now she's ⦠My sister was like, "We're
gonna figure out what is going on."
Did she have any inclination
at all that it might be m-â¦
MS or- No
she just ⦠She knew enough to think
neurology- Yes ⦠but she didn't.
Okay.
'Cause, and I guess I should have
maybe started with this, but prior
to this we had went to Disney, um,
me and her and some of her kids.
Uh, well it was when Nikki and
Kendall- Oh yeah ⦠got engaged.
Okay.
That was beautiful.
And so on that trip I remembered
thinking my legs were weak, you know?
Mm-hmm.
But I was still able to go and it
was almost like after I ate a good
meal I had the strength to go-
Yeah ⦠you know, to keep going.
Mm-hmm.
But it was generally in the evening Now
I know that it was a lot of the heat.
Yeah, yeah.
The heat wasn't- Right ⦠present
in the evening- Yeah ⦠like it
was during the middle of the day.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so I had went to my doctor.
We had ran tests, blood work.
They'd done heart- Mm-hmm ⦠issues,
just trying to find something.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
And everything come
back, you know, negative.
Nothing.
Everything- Wow ⦠was fine.
And so by that time Pam knew
that there's something going on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And ⦠And this is something,
like if you've been cleared
on all the other things- Yeah
this is what's left.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is what's left.
Okay.
Um, so as soon as we got back
from that trip, Pam actually had a
appointment with her doctor which
at the time was my doctor as well.
Uh, so she said, "If it's okay,
I'm gonna talk to her about you."
And I'm like, "Yeah, that's fine."
So sure enough she went and she
goes, "Yeah, she wants you to
call her and make an appointment."
So I made my appointment, went in,
talked to her and, um, she ended
up ⦠She said, "Well where, where
do you wanna go to see a neurologist?"
And I said, "I wanna go
to Little Rock"- Yeah.
Mm ⦠'cause I didn't know
really anyone around here.
Mm-hmm.
And I thought- I think we
only had the one for a minute.
I, I don't think so.
And I don't even think
he's still here anymore.
I don't think so either.
So ⦠So you probably
made the best choice then.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And so I chose Little Rock.
Mm-hmm.
And so she got me connected to a
neurologist- Mm-hmm ⦠up there.
He was a great doctor.
Um, I, I know toward the end of me seeing
him his wife had, uh, gotten cancer- Oh.
Aw ⦠and sh- he had to kind
of ⦠He was an older gentleman.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so he- Stepped down a little
bit some way ⦠he stepped
down to, uh, take care of her.
And so but I remember when Pam
and I first went to see him we,
we get there, we get his address
and we go in and it's in a house.
Oh.
And we're like, "okay".
And it's off of Rodney Parham.
And so we go in and we open the door
and it's like stepping into the '70s.
Nice.
. I love it.
I too.
Shag carpet, you know?
Just- Wow â¦. and it's
like oh my goodness.
I thought ⦠I looked at Pam and I go
We have walked into a quack's office.
Travel back in time.
I'm like, "I am not sure about this."
"So go up to the desk-" Mm-hmm
tell him we're here."
We get back to the room and he's got a
computer sitting on a table in there.
That computer was one of
those box- Oh, goodness.
Oh my goodness gracious.
It was huge . He's like, "I'm
not, I'm not here for the money."
Yeah.
He ⦠I mean, it was old fashioned.
Wow.
And, um, uh, you know, that's
just feeding into my mind of- Yes.
Yeah ⦠oh my goodness.
Of he's not gonna know
what he's talking about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's not gonna be up-to-date on
the most- He's not trustworthy.
Mm-hmm ⦠recent, you know.
Yeah.
I need somebody.
Uh, look at his computer.
Yeah.
That's even- Does that thing
even hook up to the internet?
Exactly.
Does it even turn on anymore?
That's what I'm thinking.
Uh, the bathroom was totally pink.
Pink tile- Oh, goodness ⦠pink
toilet, pink sink- Ah ⦠pink bathtub.
Everything was pink.
That is Which is kind of cool.
I, I like pink, but I'm thinking, "Okay,
that's even a little much for me."
Mm-mm.
Mm-hmm.
But, you know.
Um, but after we had been there and
talked to him, everything, he was, he
was so good at explaining- Oh, nice
the, everything.
Yeah.
Um, so he talked to me
for ⦠Pam was there.
Um, he talked to us for at least
30, 45 minutes in his office.
Yeah.
Um, so you know, what's going
on, explained everything.
He' Activityexplaining
different things to me.
He really, at that time,
did not think that I had MS.
He thought that there was another issue.
Okay.
Um, so but anyway, he sent me
for an MRI and a spinal puncture.
Okay.
And so, um, couple of
weeks- That same day?
Oh.
No.
Okay.
A couple of weeks later.
So we go, I go to that.
Um, I had it scheduled
for Baptist in Conway.
Okay.
And so got, got there, got that all done.
And so I remember, you know,
you don't get results- Mm-hmm
that day.
No.
Um, I remember goin' back to
work the next day, you know,
and, and pretty much everything
had kind of gone back to normal.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I'm in my routine.
What time of year was it?
Um, let's see.
That was- It was probably,
it was in the fall.
Okay.
So this is- So the temperatures
had- The temperature
had lowered Had already cooled.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
So that's all tracking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so I go back to work the next day,
and I remember getting the notification.
Mm-hmm.
You have a message in MyChart.
Yeah.
Your results are in.
Yeah.
You know?
And, uh, I remember thinking,
"I don't wanna read it."
Yeah.
And I text Pam and told her, "Hey, I
g- I got a message saying my chart was
ready," and she was like, "Read it."
And I was like, "I don't want to."
Yeah.
Yeah.
She goes, "Send it to me-"
Yeah ⦠"and I'll read it".
And so I ended up thinking,
"Okay Jennifer, you can do this."
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I opened it up and began to read,
and I saw, you know, we believe that
⦠Yeah ⦠patient has multiple sclerosis.
And I remember thinking, and
I had sent her screenshots.
Mm-hmm.
I was taking pictures as I was reading,
and, um, I remember thanking God
Why, you know?
Yeah.
Um, 'cause that'sâ¦
It- to me, that's natural.
Yeah.
I- of course.
I'm gonna question why.
Why me?
Why?
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Why me?
Why this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why this?
This is not a death sentence,
but it's something that doesn't
necessarily- It's life altering.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, you know, just
so many adjustments.
For sure.
And so I remember thinking, "Okay,
I'm gonna go home for lunch."
I was working at the police
department at that time.
Okay.
And, um, typically didn't go
home because it would take me 15
minutes- Yeah ⦠to get home.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
30 minutes to eat.
Right.
15 minutes to get back.
Yeah.
Um, so I wouldn't go home very often,
but I thought, "I need to go home."
Mm-hmm.
"I need to be in my safe place."
Alone, yeah.
I need, I need to talk to God.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You know, we got some talking to do.
But- Yeah, it's not an
office conversation.
Yeah, it's not, no.
No.
'Cause it's not gonna
be pretty on my side.
And of course, I remember, you
know- Mm-hmm ⦠once I got in
my car, tears started flowing.
They belong.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And get home.
Thankfully at that time, no one was home.
Mm-hmm.
I ⦠Theâ¦
Isaiah was in school, Nathan
and Edwin were working.
Mm-hmm.
So it was just me.
Yeah.
Me and God, and I remember just crying
and saying, "God, I don't understand.
I don'tâ¦
Why?"
Mm-hmm.
"Why is this happening?",
you know.
And so as I was praying, I
remember thinking growing up as
a preacher's kid I made mistakes.
I won't ever say I was
perfect- Right ⦠you know?
I, like 99% of the people have sinned.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And I had sin in, you know, in my heart.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I had to ask God to forgive
me, and still occasionally
I still have to - Oh yeah
ask God- Oh yeah ⦠"I'm sorry.
Shouldn't have done that."
Yeah.
"Shouldn't have said that.
Shouldn't have got aggravated.
Shouldn't aâ¦"
You know?
As we all do.
It ⦠Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And so but I remember sitting there and
for my life people would say, "Well,
this person has such a great testimony.
Have you heard his testimony?"
And I'm like, " Oh yeah.
Yeah.
You know, he does.
So cool."
Mm-hmm.
And I remember thinking,
"I don't have a testimony."
No.
"I grew up in church all my
life, kind of boring, you know?"
Mm-hmm.
Been fairly good kid.
Um, you know, and I remember
saying, "You're gonna turn
this into my testimony."
Yeah.
And I believe that He is.
Yes.
Um, how, how to walk
through disappointment.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You know?
I've- How to wait.
How to wait.
Ugh, and I'm not good at waiting.
Me either.
I'm still not.
Oh, I'm not.
And He's still trying to teach me.
Maybe that's my problem.
He's going, "Are you
ever going to get it?"
When did you learn this lesson?
Boy, I've heard Him say that to me.
Yeah.
That's a hard- It is ⦠That's
a hard ⦠You're like, "God,
that's, that's not fair."
Hmm.
You know?
"You made me this way."
I've said that too.
I think we all have.
"You made me this way."
Ugh.
"You knew I was gonna be like this."
Yeah.
Yeah.
"You made me stubborn," you know?
Yeah.
Sometimes that's a good thing.
Sometimes- Yeah.
It is a good thing ⦠it's a bad thing.
But- Yep ⦠you know, y- You created us.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And so, you know, I think g-
that This is part of my purpose.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Um, it's not the way I
want to go down though.
No.
Y- you know?
Yeah.
Um, so time had passed.
Um, not very much time.
I remember, um, once I had gotten
my results, the following week I
believe, I went and met with a doctor.
We met with a doctor, and he was like,
"Well," He goes, "We got your results."
And he said, "One good thing
is the diagnosis is better than
what I was thinking you had."
Oh, so he ⦠Whatever his idea
was was worse off- Yes ⦠than MS.
Yes.
Interesting.
Um- Did he, did he tell you
what he was thinking it was?
Yes, and I can't remember exactly
what it- I was just curious
what it was.
Yeah.
But it was also hereditary.
Oh, okay.
And so that was one of the things, you
know, that- Yeah ⦠I definitely ⦠Now
some people say that MS is hereditary.
Mm-hmm.
And I've read things that say it is not.
Right.
So I have no idea.
Um- Yeah ⦠you know, I
just pray over my family.
Yeah, yeah.
You know.
I feel like there's a lot, um, with the
brain in general that we just don't know.
Yeah.
Like, the medical community knows
so little about what actually is
possible and going on up there
that they don't, nobody knows.
Yeah.
We don't know.
No.
And I- Some stuff they know,
but a lot they just don't know.
And they're learning- Right ⦠every day.
Exactly.
You know.
And so he was, he was pleased
that it wasn't just- Yeah
MS.
So- Then you're like- Multiple ⦠well.
Okay.
I'm glad you're happy.
But- Glad somebody's happy
about it ⦠better than, than
the death sentence, I guess.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Um, so I remember going to see him,
you know, and he gets me started on a
medication, uh, to help keep it at bay.
So basically, um, MS attacks your nerves.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and so it eats, like, the myelin
sheath around- Okay ⦠your nerve.
Um, so it leaves that
nerve basically bare.
Mm-hmm.
Exposed.
Yes.
Okay.
And so that is what- has
happened, like in my spay- spine.
Spain.
In my spine.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Uh, down in my lower back I've
got some spot ⦠I've got some
spots on my brain that they watch.
Um, and so thankfully with
the medication there has not
been- Mm-hmm ⦠any changes.
Good.
Um- Yeah ⦠now I have changed
to a different medication now,
um, which is an infusion that
I get twice- Okay ⦠a year.
And finally this year they
came to my house and did it.
Really?
Wow.
Nice.
Because it's a four-hour infusion.
Cripes.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So you know, when we would have to go to
Little Rock it's, you get there- Mm-hmm.
Yeah ⦠you have to drive.
Then you get there.
Yep.
And wait.
Four hour, yeah.
Prep you.
It takes a minute to get prepped,
get checked in, get all the things.
Then it's four hours of actual treatment.
Get there, hang on.
Yes.
Ugh.
And so it's like oh, my goodness,
we're here all day long.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, and so either Pam
or Edwin would go with me.
Yeah.
I always felt bad 'cause, I mean,
they've got their whole day is just
sitting and waiting- Yeah ⦠with me.
You know?
Yeah.
But they love you.
Yeah, they do love me.
And they would do it.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
And so, um, but finally got that at home
this year, and so ⦠That's a blessing
⦠I'll have another one this fall.
Mm-hmm.
And it'll be at home.
So that is good.
Yeah.
'Cause home is much more comfortable.
Yes.
Yeah.
And, like, the nurse stays with
me, so Edwin was able to leave.
Yeah.
And he just made sure he was
home right before she left.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
And which I'm fine after it.
I'm usually pretty sleepy.
Okay.
'Cause they give you Benadryl-
Mm-hmm ⦠and Z- uh, another, you
know ⦠That makes you drowsy medication.
Something, yes.
Mm-hmm.
And s- tell you not to drive that day.
Yeah.
And so,you know.
Yeah.
Probably not a good idea.
Yeah.Yeah.
And then, so anyway by the end of that,
you know, I'm usually pretty tired.
Mm-hmm.
I try not to sleep any once ⦠I'm in
the afternoon- Mm-hmm ⦠'cause if I
do I won't sleep- Yeah ⦠at night.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So but I remember, um, going back to I
have received my final, or my diagnosis.
And um, at first I told Pam, I was like
"I don't think I want to," you know.
"I think I want a second opinion."
And um, that was before we actually
went into his office to see him.
And I still ⦠My mind's
still going on, you know
Does this guy really know- Right.
Mm-hmm ⦠what he's doing?
Yeah, yeah.
Um, and so we go in, talk to him,
and he was so good that ⦠You
know how the doctor's office has
that paper that they pull- Mm-hmm.
Yes ⦠over the bed?
So he has a marker, and he begins
drawing on that- Oh ⦠that bed.
Mm-hmm.
And begins showing me the
nerve and how it eats away.
And he's drawing me a picture and
showing me instead of just telling me.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And so we leave, and Pam was like,
"Okay, do you want a second opinion?"
And I was like, "No."
Yeah.
You know, the test results.
Yeah.
I'm like, he, he may be old- Mm-hmm
⦠but he was able to explain it so well.
Yeah.
And so, um, I remember one time
after being in his care for a
little while, something had come up.
I'd called his doctor's office, left
a message, and he called me back,
and it was like 7:00, 8:00 at night.
Wow.
Wow.
And he's like, "Is this Jenni- Jennifer?"
And I was like, "Yeah."
He goes, "This is Dr.
Burba."
And he said, "This is
my cellphone number."
Aw.
"If you ever need me, you can
call me or text me any time."
Aw.
Aw.
So I remember talking to him, and I
get off the phone, call Pam, and I'm
telling her all this, and she goes,
"Jennifer-" Doctors don't do that Mm.
No, they don't.
Neurologists do not
ever- Mm-mm ⦠do that.
Mm-mm.
So yeah, he was always just
a phone call or a text away.
So I know that God put me with
him- Mm-hmm ⦠for a purpose.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was some favor for sure.
Yeah.
And it was probably just because
he was able to explain things
so well and just put me at ease.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Um, he was not ⦠One day I remember
going into his office and saying,
"Hey, I've been seeing thisâ¦"
In fact, it's the medication I'm on now.
"I've been seeing they have
been pushing this Ocrevus."
Mm-hmm.
Talking about this infusion twice a year.
And he's like- Oh ⦠"Let's wait."
Mm-hmm.
He said, "I am not one to
jump on the bandwagon."
Good.
Yeah.
He said, "I like medication to be proven."
Mm-hmm.
Um, so you know, I think at
the time it was fairly new.
Yeah.
He said, If you see a medication being
pushed on TV, chances are it's new.
Yeah.
And he said, You don't always
want to be on the beginning.
Right.
Right.
Because they'll improve it and- Right.
You don't know
He said at one time there was a
medication years ago that they put
all these people on, and come to find
out it was eating away their brain.
Oh, goodness.
And so I was like, "Okay."
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Don't trust that.
Yeah.
I mean, there's a time for
experimental stuff, and then
there's a time for caution.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's wait.
Yeah.
And so, um, just to tell
another story about how God has
Basically let me know he's got this.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so I had gotten my results.
We had went to the doctor and I
told Pam coming back, I was like,
"I'm not ready to tell anyone yet."
Yeah.
Soâ¦
Smart move â¦me,
Edwin, Pam knew.
Mm-hmm.
That was it.
Mm-hmm.
Joe might have known that time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, but I had not told anyone.
Wasn't ready and I knew that I
was gonna have to tell my parents-
Mm ⦠you know, at some point in time.
So one Sunday, right after getting
my results and talking to the doctor
and everything, came to church
that morning, service was great.
Um, in fact, I don't believe, it was
Pastor Ronnie at that time, he didn't
even get to speak that morning because
the altar call had broken out- Yeah
and people, you know, were praying and-
Mm-hmm ⦠and so he had just invited
everyone to, to come up and pray.
And so the service ended.
We went home and came back for
the night service that evening.
And so service had started,
praise and worship was going, and
again, the Spirit started moving.
Mm-hmm.
And I remember we were all
just kind of praying- Mm-hmm
um, somewhere up front.
Yeah.
I was just sitting at my seat, and
I remember Jonica came walking-
Mm-hmm ⦠over to me and she was like,
"Girl, I've got to tell you something."
She said, "God had been dealing with
me to tell you this this morning.
I didn'tâ¦"
And she said, "So all afternoon,
that's all-" Yeah ⦠"I kept
hearing was, 'You've got to tell her.
You've got to tell her.'"
She gets a lot of words.
Yes.
Like, spot on.
And I trust her.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I've known her for a long time.
Mm-hmm.
Um, when they were in Sounds of
Victory, they'd come to my dad's church.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so I've known her walk with Christ.
Yeah.
And I know that she, what
she says, she means- Mm-hmm
with all her heart.
Mm-hmm.
And that she has gotten a word from God,
that she's not going to make something up.
Right.
Right.
You know?
Right.
And so I knew that I could
fully trust- Mm-hmm ⦠whatever
she was about to tell me.
Um, and so she was like, "If it
doesn't make sense, I'm sorry,
but God told me to tell you that
this was just for a season- Mm-hmm
and that He was pleased with your faith."
Mm-hmm.
Oh, so encouraging.
And I can remember just breaking down.
I mean, I imagine so.
Yeah.
And even right now- Yeah ⦠I can, you
know- Mm-hmm ⦠I could tear up and- Yeah
Just chills I know Just knowing, you know,
that He knows, that He sees me Mm-hmm
And so many times since then, you know,
sometimes I'll say, "God, seasons have
come and seasons have gone, and I know
your seasons are different from my- Yeah
seasons, but anytime- Yeah ⦠I'm ready."
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And so it's in those moments of waiting,
you know, that I have to remind myself
He sees me- Mm-hmm ⦠He knows.
He's given me these words by not
just Janica, um, Lorrie Miller.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
One morning, again, another
Sunday morning service was going,
a word had went out, and theâ¦
I don't remember the exact, um,
wording, but I remember the message
in tongues that had went out
was saying, "I know who you are.
I've given you a name."
And he talked, they talked about the name.
Mm-hmm.
And so later that day, I was in
town and I was shopping, and Laurie
called me on my cellphone, and she
was like, "Hey, you got a minute?"
I was like, "Yeah."
And she said, "I just wanna tell you
something that God put in my spirit."
And she said, "God knows you.
He knows your name."
Mm.
She said, "And if you think
about that, your name is Walker."
Wow.
She said, "You're gonna
walk through this."
Mm.
So good.
So good.
You know?
So in those moments, I have both hers
and Janica's printed, printed out.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and I keep it in my closet at home.
Mm-hmm.
And so every now and again, I'll just get
it out and- Mm-hmm ⦠read it, you know?
Yeah.
Because it's those words that I cling to.
Yeah.
When I'm struggling, when I'm having
a hard day, I just cling to those
words and know that He's got me.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
I may not see the hope- Mm-hmm
you know, or- The when, I guess-
Right ⦠is what I'm searching for.
Yeah.
The when.
Yeah.
Um, you know, I would like it to be today.
Yeah.
And- Me too.
Yeah, meâ¦
Right now.
Yeah.
Why not?
Yes.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Why not?
Why not?
Yeah.
And so, you know, I know that God has
a lesson for me to learn, and if, if
it's patience, I'm trying, but- Mm-hmm.
Yeah ⦠that's a hard one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if anyone can go, "Oh yeah, the
patience, it's easy," I'd be like, "Okay."
They haven't really been
tried in patience then.
Whoo.
Yeah.
Yeah.
'Cause I've always remembered growing up
in church, you don't ask God for patience.
No, no.
Mm-mm.
Not at all.
Don't do it.
So never have I ever- Mm-mm
asked him, "Lord, grant me patience."
Mm-mm.
No.
Because I know I would probably
fail that test- ⦠numerous times.
Me too.
Me too.
I think, I think we're all
sitting right there with it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so, you know, I've had those
two, but I've also had other people,
uh, speak healing up over my life.
Mm-hmm.
And people that I don't know, one lady at
Hobby Lobby, I was coming out, getting in
my car, and I was struggling, you know.
Mm-hmm.
Um, at that time I wasn't using a scooter,
um, so I had walked through the store.
Oh, yeah.
So my legs were tired.
Yeah.
So I was holding onto my car
while I was going to the door, and
she was like, "Can I help you?"
And I was like, "No, I'm, I'mâ¦
I've got it."
Yeah.
And, uh, s- it's sometimes
hard to accept help.
Yeah.
You know, because- It'sâ¦
Oh, yeah ⦠I can do it.
I got it.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And so, you know, I'm learning that as
I go too, you know, to accept that help.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Because most of the time people are
asking because they really want to help.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You know?
And so that's a tough one too.
But she stopped me and, uh,
I told her, "No, I'm okay."
I said, "I'm right here.
I'm at my car," you know.
Um, and so she s- asked me if
I had had, like, back surgery,
and I was like, "No, I've been
diagnosed with multiple sclerosis."
And she goes, "Oh, okay."
She said, "I could tell
something was going on."
She said, "I've had back surgery- Mm-hmm
so I know-" Yeah ⦠you
know, what it's like.
And, um, she said, "But I believe
that God's gonna heal you."
Just out of the blue.
Mm-hmm.
I have no idea- Who it is,
but- ⦠who she is ⦠that's
just another confirming word.
That's just- Yeah ⦠another
confirming word.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, then Pam and I were on a
cruise, and we were sitting at dinner,
and you know, you sit in the same place.
Mm-hmm.
Sit next to- Yeah ⦠the
same people every time.
Mm-hmm.
And it was just her and I, so we were
at a table for two, and there were
several other tables for two around us.
Mm-hmm.
And I remember, um, the couple
that was sitting next to us,
we had got to talking to them.
Yeah.
And they were just a really
sweet couple from Texas.
Um, and he also told me one night
when we were talking, he goes, "I
believe that God's going to heal you."
Mm-hmm.
And so just, you know, those few words.
Yeah.
And I've had others speak words to
me- Mm-hmm ⦠like that, similar.
Um, I've had people pray for me-
Mm-hmm ⦠at the gym, you know?
Yeah.
Uh, the pastor of the NLC, he seen me
one time, and I had never met him before.
Mm-hmm.
I knew who he was, you know.
Yeah.
Um, and so he came up and began
talking to me, and he was like,
"What's, what's going on?"
Mm-hmm.
And he told me, he goes, "You inspire me."
Aw.
He said, "'Cause here I came this morning.
I really didn't wanna be here."
Mm-hmm.
You know, just didn't
wanna- Yeah ⦠come.
And he said, "And I
walk in, and I see you."
Yeah.
And he goes, "If she
can do it, I can do it."
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, uh, so, you know, he also began
praying for me, and he told me, he said,
"I believe that God's going to heal you."
He said, "God healed me."
I said, "I know."
Uh, you know, 'cause he had that massive
heart attack- Yes, yes ⦠I think it was.
I know.
What was it?
Yes.
Yeah.
I remember that now.
And, uh, w- while he was
preaching- Mm-hmm ⦠possibly.
Yeah.
It was during a service, yeah.
Yeah, during service.
And so- Yeah ⦠you know,
if anybody knows- Mm-hmm.
Yeah ⦠this man knows.
Yeah.
Because he's lived it, he's seen it- Yeah
⦠he's, you know, been healed completely.
Um, so I do know that
God has a purpose- Mm
and God has a plan.
Yeah.
Um, waiting on that purpose and
that plan is sometimes hard.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but I know that every day I try.
Mm.
I try my best.
Mm-hmm.
I do my best, try to have a good
attitude, you know, try to push
through those hard moments- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm ⦠and keep going.
Um, there's days that are easier, and
then there's days that it's hard- Yeah
all day long.
Yeah.
You know?
Yep.
And sometimes I'm walking along and I may
be struggling at home, and it may just,
uh, for the most part, I- Edwin and Isaiah
are working, so it is just me- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm ⦠at home, you know, and I'll
be struggling, and I'll just begin
to say, "I can do all things- Yes
⦠through Christ who strengthens me."
Mm-hmm.
And I'll just quote that
scripture with every step.
Wow.
Because sometimes it's just
those steps that are hard.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Um, at home I try not to use my scooter.
I use my cane.
Mm-hmm.
Walk around the house, you know.
Um, the scooter is mainly for
me when I'm out in public.
Yeah.
Um, because I worry about
people watching me, you know?
Yeah.
If I think people are watching
me, it, it's gonna stress me.
It's gonna make anything worse.
It's a snowball.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
So that's kind of my,
you know, that helps.
Yeah.
Um, and I struggled with that
at first, and I struggledâ¦
I was using it at other places,
but not at church for a while.
Um, it was hard to, to do, to
bring my scooter to church.
Um- Just because I was thinking,
"Am I letting God down?
Am I- Mm ⦠saying that
I don't trust him enough?"
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
But- On the contrary.
Yeah.
I think it's like, let's, let's
show all of these people exactly
what I'm gonna heal you from.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's what I was just
thinking is like, people see you
on the scooter, so they know- Yeah
this is something that is not small.
Right.
And not that it's your identity or
anything like that- Right ⦠but they
see it so that when it does happen- Yeah
⦠they're gonna know this was a miracle.
Yeah.
Yep.
It was definitely a miracle.
It wasn't like recovery from a surgery.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
So I think it's gonna
make a bigger impact.
Yeah.
You know?
I think it will.
Um, you know, and I think the day
that it does happen, and I, I tell my
mom and, 'cause she goes with me to
the gym, and I'm like, "The day that
I get to walk into the gym-" Mm-hmm.
Yeah ⦠scooter-free-
Yeah ⦠everybody's gonna be-
Yeah ⦠going, "Hey, hang on."
Yeah.
You know?
I want to, I want to be there.
I mean, I'm just- Yeah ⦠like,
I don't know how we'reâ¦
We'll know.
Like, we'll be driving by and
the Holy Ghost will hit us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
'Cause, uh, how, how would the
Holy Ghost not be full in there?
Listen.
Yeah.
It's gonna be on word of mouth.
Yeah.
We're gonna be scrolling on Facebook,
"Y'all need to get down to- Planet Fitness
Planet Fitness- ⦠'cause there's,
uh, something going on down here."
Something's happening.
Yeah.
I'm gonna jump in.
I'm gonna drop everything
I'm doing and- Yeah ⦠go.
'Cause, you know- 100% ⦠I've had so
many people at the gym, you know, tell
me different things, and several of them
have told me, "You just inspire me."
Yeah.
And one gentleman's like, "You're strong."
Mm-hmm.
He goes, "The way you push
yourself," he goes, "I see you."
Yeah.
Yeah.
He goes, "You're strong."
Yeah.
He said, "You're stronger than I am."
And some of these people, I
don't know, you know, if they
have a relationship with Christ.
I don't know.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Um, but when I do get the chance
to talk to them, I do let them know
that, hey, this, I, it's not forever.
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
I've got a promise of my healing.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
And that's one thing I cling to is in
that healing, I, I, in my conversations
with God, you know, we all have them.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and sometimes those
moments are very personal.
Um, and so in me just talking to him, I'm
like, "God, you gave me this promise."
Yeah.
This promise was for me on Earth.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So I want to see this take-
Yeah ⦠place prior to heaven.
Yeah.
Because if it's just that I'm gonna
be healed in heaven- That's great
and all- ⦠then why would- ⦠but
why bother with the promise?
Why bother with the promise?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And so I want to see it
take place prior to heaven.
Yes.
That's when He's gonna get the glory.
Exactly.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
Not me- Yeah ⦠'cause it, it's
gonna be nothing that I have done.
Mm-hmm.
N- nothing.
Right.
Um, it's gonna all be Him.
Mm-hmm.
And I will, you know, proclaim
that, and I've told him when it
happens, I'm going to the mountain.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And I'm gonna stand on the
side of that mountain, and I am
going to scream the loudest- Mm
I have ever screamed that I am healed.
Yeah.
Jesus healed me.
Mm-hmm.
Which mountain is the highest?
Mount Nebo- Yes ⦠is
the one I'm planning.
That's the one that's in your mind's eye?
That's the one that's in my mind.
'Cause I'm like, is Mount
Magazine the highest one?
Mount Ma- Yes.
Yeah.
Mount Magazine is the highest.
'Cause I'm like, let's
get the highest mountain.
You can do Mount Nebo
first, and then- Lou- Yep.
Exactly ⦠there we go.
We can go to both of them.
Go to all of them.
Yeah.
Get all the mountains.
We'll just hit them all.
Yeah.
Petit Jean, Nebo- Yeah ⦠Magazine.
I feel like you'd have a following.
Yeah.
I've had several people tell me- Mm-hmm
"You better call me."
Yeah.
Yeah.
If I'm going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
Um- I mean, I think people,
when you, when you do that at
Planet Fitness on the mountain, I
think there'll be more healings.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I do, because it'll be aâ¦
I mean, there'll just
be an anointing there.
There will, and to see, you
know, something come to pass.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so many of those people, and a
lot of the reason I still just get
up and go so early in the morning
is because I'm comfortable with the
people- Yeah ⦠that are there.
Yeah.
I, you know, you go at the same time.
You see the same- Right ⦠crowds.
You know, occasionally you'll
have new people came in- Mm-hmm
come in.
Um, but for the most part, you
know, it's the same people.
You're good.
It's your people.
I'm good.
You know, I walk down through the middle
of the aisle, and it's like, "Hey.
Hey."
Mm-hmm.
I told Mom one time, I'm likeâ¦
We're, like, walking
down through the aisle.
Everybody's saying, "Hello.
Good morning."
You know?
I've, I said, "I feel like, 'Hello.
Hello.'"
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Little celebrity.
Yeah.
Yep.
Celebrity- Mm-hmm ⦠coming
through, coming through.
Um, but it's just, you get to know those
people- Mm ⦠and they get to know you,
and, you know, there's so many of them
that have told me, "If you ever need
anything- I'm just a phone call away.
Yeah.
One gentleman told me, "Hey, if your mom
can't make it, this is my phone number.
You call me, I'll come
get your scooter out."
Aw.
Aw.
And so, and he's asked me before, "Did
you call me this morning and I missed it?"
And I'm like, "No."
"So and so helped me get it."
Yeah.
Um, but there's some good
people- Mm-hmm ⦠out there.
Yeah.
And so I do believe that once it
happens, that God's gonna change lives.
Yeah.
And that- I believe it too ⦠they're
gonna see, you know, what God can do.
Yeah.
And it may not be a physical healing
that they need, but everybody needs God.
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody.
Yeah.
You know, and one thing that I wanted
to share was also, um, growing up
in a pastor's home, you always hear
people say, "Well, there's a lot of
hypocrites in church," and, you know,
there's a lot of this and a lot of that.
I was a hypocrite at one time.
I'm, you know- Mm-hmm.
All of us- Yeah.
Yeah ⦠have fell.
We all are.
Yeah.
All of us are sinners.
We're just doing the best
we can with what we have.
Yeah.
Right.
You know?
Um, but there are so many times that
if it wasn't for my church family, I
don't know what I would do, you know?
Yeah.
Because there's times that I've reached
out to, to Myra and Jonica- Mm-hmm ⦠my
sister and Krystle, and just people, and
been like, "I'm just struggling today."
Yeah.
You know, sometimes you just
need that additional help, that
additional- Yeah ⦠prayer.
Yeah.
I don't need you to come help me.
I need you to pray.
Well, even, you know, theâ¦
just left me.
Aaron and Hur.
Yeah.
You know, holding his hands up.
Yes.
Holdingâ¦
Moses's.
Moses?
Moses, yeah.
I was like, "Yeah, that's right."
Moses's hands up- Yeah ⦠so thatâ¦
'cause he was getting tired.
Yes.
You need that.
You do.
And Myra and Jonica Yeah.
Uh-huh, yeah.
What, what better?
Yeah.
Yep.
You know?
And I know that, like I said
before, I know their walk.
Yeah.
I've watched them, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Just like people watch me, people
at the gym are watching me.
Yeah.
And so you begin to watch people and
you know that you can trust them.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
And it's those people that when I'm
struggling, I'll just send a text and
I'll say, "Hey, will you pray for me?"
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And I know that they will, you know?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And it doesn't have to be a fall
on your knees and, you knowâ¦
It can be a simple prayer said down
the road- Yeah, but I- ⦠while
you're- I feel like Myra and Jonica
both don't do simple prayers.
Oh, no.
No.
I feel like they're both very
much- I agree ⦠like a mm-mm.
Myra said when she gets on the-
This is gonna be purposeful.
She told us when, on her podcast
that when she's mowing- Yeah ⦠she
just, she's, that's her prayer time.
Yeah.
So I was like, "I need you
to mow for me sometimes too."
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I feel like you're like that too.
Like, I feel like- Mm-hmm ⦠I
could call you and be like,
"I need, I need you to pray."
I- And you would do it.
Yes.
Yeah.
I would.
Mm-hmm.
And that's one thing that I
am trying to get better at.
You know, you see all the
posts on Facebook and-
Mm-hmm ⦠"Please pray for me."
Mm-hmm.
You know, and you see those, those
requests, and a lot of times when
I'm scrolling, you know, and I see
those, I may not- comment- Mm-hmm
or anything, but generally if I see one
and I know that person, then I'm gonna
stop and I'm gonna say a little prayer.
Yeah.
You know, "God, I don't
know what's going on."
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
"But I know that you do."
Yeah.
"And I know that whatever the need
is, you can help them through that."
And so I do, I think in part of this,
I am learning the value of prayer.
Yeah.
I've always known the value of prayer,
but sometimes there's a difference, you
know- Yeah ⦠of hearing and doing.
Well, or even, like, doing
and leaning on prayer.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like being able to say, "No,
no, this is what's holding
me up-" Yeah ⦠"right now."
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And so I think, you know, in all of that,
it's leaning on other people- Mm-hmm
to get that strength.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and sometimes you just have to ask.
But generally if you ask, I've
never had anyone say, "No, I
can't, I can't pray for you."
Yeah.
Right, yeah.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
Never.
They have all been like, "Yes."
Mm-hmm.
You know, doesn't take them five seconds
to respond with that- Yeah ⦠yes.
Mm-hmm.
And so I know, you know, I called, um, it
wasn't too long ago, um, that one morning
I'd went to the gym, me and mom, Mom
had left, and I was struggling that day.
I could tell, I could tell I was pushing.
Um, I feel that sometimes-
Mm-hmm ⦠you know, that I'm pushing
myself, and I know that, but that's
part of my just, "I'm doing this."
Je net.
Yeah.
That's, I'm- We're doing it.
Yep ⦠I'm gonna do it.
Yeah.
And devil, if you don't like it, you
don't like it, but I'm gonna keep pushing.
Yeah.
It's gonna wear me out,
but I'm gonna keep pushing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, and so I remember getting in my car
and I thought, "Okay, I am gonna sit
here just for a second and kind of rest."
Mm-hmm.
And I remember just, I didn't hear
an audible word, but I remember
hearing or just thinking, "You
don't have to do this alone."
Yeah And I thought, "Who can I call?"
'Cause it was like 8:00.
Mm-hmm.
So I thought, "Who can I call?"
I thought, "I'm gonna call Tasha."
Mm.
And, uh, I've called Tasha before.
Tasha and Chris, pastor-
Mm-hmm ⦠they're busy.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And I, and I know that.
Um, but she answered.
And- ⦠uh, she was like, "Hey, girl."
And I was like, "Hey."
I was like, "I need a favor.
Can you help me?"
And she was like, "Yes."
And I was like, "Oh, it's not hard."
She's like, "What?"
Yeah, 'cause- Yeah ⦠I said, "I
know- Well, I agree too ⦠you're
sitting there thinking- Yeah ⦠'Oh,
Lord, what have I just stepped into?'"
'Cause I've had those thoughts, you know?
Yeah.
Um, and I said, "It's not hard.
I just need you to pray."
And she was like, "Most definitely."
Yeah.
You know?
And she did.
She prayed with me right
there- Aw ⦠on the phone.
And I remember that day, and
I text her the next morning,
and I was like, "Thank you."
'Cause I felt those prayers immediately.
Yeah.
I felt that refresh- Yeah ⦠you
know- Yeah ⦠that refreshment- Mm-hmm
come in.
So find a good church.
Yeah.
RFA is a great church.
It is.
Mm-hmm.
And find a good church,
and find your people.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I think there are so many
at our church that I may not know
them well- Mm-hmm ⦠but I think if
I called upon any of them and said,
"Hey, it's Jennifer, and I'm struggling.
Would you pray for me?"
Yeah.
I don't think anyone would say no.
No, they wouldn't.
No.
I mean, it's, you need to
surround yourself withâ¦
We've talked about that so much
on this podcast, is you need to
surround yourself with believers.
Yes.
Nobody's perfect.
Right.
And, you know, I know people
might say, "Well, they're
just a bunch of hypocrites."
Well, h- yes, we do fail.
We're not perfect.
Right.
But we're trying.
That's why we're going to church.
Yeah, that's why we're going to church.
'Cause I need the guidance.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
I need the reminders of, "Hey,
this is what I've done for you."
Yeah.
"This is what I'm going to do for you.
This is what I have waiting for you."
Mm.
"This is what you're working toward."
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, that's so true.
So whatâ¦
I mean, when your parents found
out when, about the diagnosis,
what did they give you?
I'm sure because they are, been in
the ministry, do you remember anything
that stood out, especially with
your dad being a pastor and stuff?
Yeah.
What did he say?
Nothing ⦠I don't really
recall anything, you know, that
just comes back to my memory.
Yeah.
Um, I remember just
knowing that he's got me.
Yeah.
That he's praying for me.
Um- And there's nothing more
powerful than, like, a parent prayer.
Yes.
Because ⦠And, you know, as a
parent, we're all parents in here.
Yes.
Um, and grand- and me
and you are grandparents.
Yes.
Um, I mean, I would give anything.
Yes.
I would say, you know, and it's not
a choice, but I've, I have prayed,
"Take whatever mercy you're giving to
me, give it to my kids, grandkids."
You know?
And, uh, he doesn't ⦠He has
enough for everybody, but I have
prayed that, like, I, I'm fine.
Give whatever- Yeah ⦠to them.
And I just know parent,
I mean, pray, pray.
And you might think,
"Well, I've wasted time.
I haven't prayed enough."
Um, prayers are eternal, and they
are not bound by our time because
they go to the throne room.
Right.
Yeah.
So pray anyway.
Yeah.
Even if you feel like you've wasted
years of not praying, start now.
Yeah.
Uh, uh, God can put it anywhere in time.
And keep praying.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Pray when you don't necessarily
feel that he even hears your prayer.
Yeah.
That's especially when you need to pray.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Like- Because so many times I can recall
going, "God, are can you even hear me?
Hello?"
Yeah.
I just feel like those moments are the
moments where, like, feeling like little
cartoons, you know, where you have, like,
the angel on one side and the devil.
It's ⦠That's when the devil is,
like, straight up in your ear, like-
Yeah ⦠"He can't hear you anyway."
Yeah.
Like, "What are you doing?"
He's not done anything yet.
And- Yeah ⦠and that's
where breakthrough happens.
That's where change is affected in the
upper atmosphere, you know- Yeah ⦠as
Thomas was talking about on his, um,
episode where, you know, like all
Everything is spiritual warfare.
Yes.
So if you're hearing, "My prayer doesn't
matter- It's, it's not going anywhere.
Like, that's your indica- again, I've
said this before, the devil is a liar.
That's all he can do is lie.
Yes.
He'll give just enough truth to make
it feel like it's true, but it's a lie.
Right.
So if he's spinning it into
a lie, whatever he's saying,
you know it's the opposite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So go forth and know that it's
powerful and going exactly
straight up to the throne.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if he's fighting you
that hard, there's a reason.
There's something happening.
He wants you to be quiet.
There is something out there.
Yeah.
Exactly.
He wants you to be quiet.
Yeah.
He wants me to be defeated.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
He would like nothing more for me to stay
at home- Mm-hmm ⦠all day, every day.
Yeah.
And just- For you to- ⦠wallow ⦠to
tell the people at the gym- ⦠in
my pity ⦠I'm upset with God.
Yeah.
I've done everything right.
I'm the prodigal brother, and I'm
just, I've done- Mm-hmm ⦠all the
things, and I, I'm afflicted with this.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
It's not fair.
It's not.
It's not fair.
No.
It isn't fair.
And I've told him.
But- Yeah.
Exactly.
I've said that-
Exactly ⦠a few times too.
But it doesn't change his goodness.
You know, I tell him respectfully.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And, and he knows.
Mm-hmm.
He knows my heart.
Yeah.
He- Yeah ⦠he knows it before I
even let the words out of my mouth.
Exactly.
You know how I'm feeling.
Yep.
And he knows.
And I think that it grieves him- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm ⦠that he can't
just make it happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
But he knows the purpose behind it.
But he knows the purpose-
Yeah ⦠behind the waiting.
Yeah.
It's just me finding that purpose-
Yeah ⦠behind the waiting.
Well, it's gonna be a perfect
time when whoever is around you at
that time needs to be there too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, he's going to get
all the glory for it too.
Right.
I just can't wait for that moment.
I know.
I know.
I'm so excited about it.
It's, you know, the other day I was in
the house and doing some stuff in the
kitchen, and I remember, um, walking back
to the office, and so Edwin and Isaiah
came home for lunch, and I come out of the
office and I'm like, "Where's my cane?"
And Edwin goes, "It's, uh,
over here by the kitchen sink."
And I'm like, "How did I get
to the office without my cane?"
And I was like, "That's,
that's how it's gonna happen."
Yes.
That's exactly how it's gonna happen.
That I'm just gonna take off- Yeah.
Mm-hmm ⦠and then be like, "Hang on."
What just happened here?
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah, that is- And so- Oh, that's
just so awesome ⦠it's just
so cool to, to think about that.
And even in just that little bit of
a moment, it's just like a little
sparkle that God says- Yep ⦠"See?"
It's a glimmer into the future.
It's a glimmer into my promise-
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm ⦠being fulfilled.
100%.
Yeah.
I love it.
So good.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Um, you know, and there's been moments
of just struggling, um, just occasionally
I'd be like, "I'm going to town."
Mm-hmm.
And, um, Edwin would be working, and so
he would be out in his shop or somewhere
doing, you know- Yeah ⦠his stuff.
Um, and sometimes you or I, um,
miss, you know- Mm-hmm ⦠what
used to be normal for me.
Yeah, yeah.
I used to- Yeah ⦠if I needed
something at Walmart, just go get it.
Mm-hmm.
You know, if I needed something
or wanted something or
wanted to go look at Hobby Lobby, just go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, just- It wasn't an ordeal.
Yes.
Yeah.
It wasn't an ordeal.
Didn't have to try to find
somebody to go with me, which
Mom- Mm-hmm ⦠goes with me.
She's like, "If you ever need a friend
to go to Hobby Lobby- ⦠I'm here."
Yeah.
Me too, by the way.
And so, um, one day I was just
I was struggling that day, and
sometimes I have those moments
of just poor pitiful Jennifer.
Of course.
Yeah.
You know?
Um, and it was one of them, those
moments, and I remember just
driving to Walmart, you know.
I just needed to get away
and get out of the house.
Mm-hmm.
And so I was sitting in Walmart
parking lot, and I was watching
people go in and out of Walmart,
and they've got their packages
and, you know, they're just going.
You know, some probably aren't that
happy to be going into Walmart.
Of course.
Yeah.
Some, some are.
The kids are always excited.
I have to, I have to confess.
I'm rarely happy to be going into Walmart.
Yeah.
Justâ¦
Uh, yeah.
Ugh.
And, and I can remember back in the day
when I did get to go, if it was grocery
shopping, it was always like, "Ugh."
Yeah.
"Really don't wanna be here."
Yeah.
You know?
Yep.
Um, but I was sitting there that
day and just struggling, and
I remember that I was crying.
Mm-hmm.
You know, sitting there- Yeah ⦠and,
uh, just talking to God and kinda telling
him my heart of, "This isn't fair."
Mm-hmm.
I'm sure I said that at that moment.
Yeah.
You know, just kinda struggling,
um, watching people do something
that I used to could do.
With ease, yeah.
With ease, you know.
Um, and so as I was sitting there,
I looked over and about two parking
spots away, my brother pulls up.
And I'm like, "Ugh."
You know, and, and at the time I
had a unique vehicle and- Mm-hmm
my license plate was unique.
Mm-hmm.
And so- So there was no mistaking that
it was you ⦠there was no mistaking.
No hiding.
And no hiding.
And so I see him start to get out and I'm
like, I've gotta, you know, dry my eyes.
Um- Yeah ⦠'cause I've been
sitting here- Gotta get control.
I gotta ⦠Yes.
Yeah.
'Cause, you know, when you
see your people- Mm-hmm.
Yeah ⦠and you're struggling,
it's easy to just fall apart.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, so of course he walks
up to my window and taps on
the window and I roll it down.
He's like, "What are you doing?"
And I'm like, "I'm just sitting here."
And he goes, "You've been crying."
Mm-hmm.
And I was like ⦠He goes,
"Do you need something?"
And I was like, "No."
And he goes, "Jennifer, please don't cry."
And he, I had my hand on the
window, and he grabbed my
hand, and he was choking back.
And my brother's usually- Yeah ⦠just-
Yeah ⦠you know, he's one of those-
A big guy ⦠strong- I mean, like,
strong and- ⦠um, you know, people.
Yeah.
He's very dependable,
very strong, very- Yeah
loving.
Formidable.
But he's- Yeah ⦠he's a man, you know?
Yeah.
Um, and so to see him kinda break-
Mm-hmm ⦠and- Yeah ⦠and hear
that, yeah, I kinda lost it at that
moment, and I'm like, "I'll be okay."
You know?
I don't blame you.
There's something about men crying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm just like, "I can't."
And your brother.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know, 'cause this is my brother.
We fought growing up.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And, uh, so I remember he was
like, "Do you need something?"
And I was like, "No."
He goes, "You don't, I'll go get it.
I'll bring it back out to you.
You know, I'll get whatever you need."
And I'm like, "I don't,
I don't need anything."
And he's like, "Okay."
He goes, "Are you gonna be okay?"
And I'm like, "Yeah."
Mm-hmm.
So I had to go find another parking lot.
And a different vehicle- Yeah ⦠that
didn't stand out so much.
Had to go somewhere he's not gonna go.
Hobby Lobby probably would've
been a better choice.
Small town.
Yeah.
Small town.
Men don't go in there unless they have to.
Men don't go- Oh ⦠unless
their wives drag them.
I don't know.
Mine, my husband has 75 million
hobbies, so- Yeah ⦠I feel like
he goes more often, but- That's a s-
He's a weirdo ⦠I love that story.
Yeah.
I do.
I love it.
It's so nice.
It's a, it's a good reminder that-
Like you said, you fight all growing
up, but they're still like- Yeah
at the end of the day- Well, and also
just- ⦠they're gonna fight for
you ⦠that God is not, is gonna
make sure that you're always seen.
Yeah.
Yes.
He's gonna- You know, I've not
thought about that- ⦠send
somebody ⦠but that's good.
He's gonna send somebody.
Yeah.
Be like, "Here's-" At the
moment, you know, when I'm-
"Here's one of your loved ones"
I think I'm hiding.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
He's like, "Nah, you're not hiding."
I mean, that's a- "I see you."
It's not a coincidence that
he came at the exact time.
Right, you know, parked
two ti- two spots down.
Two car.
Yeah.
'Cause we were fairly close
to the front of the entrance.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Yeah.
I was not parked way far out.
Yeah.
I was parked, I could see the entrance.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
So I was right there, and he
was just two spots down from me.
Yeah.
And so yeah, he, he
knows me and he sees me.
Um, and you talked about, or
you asked about my parents.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I have a picture that Pastor Jerry,
uh, at Pastor's Gateway, uh, sent me.
When, when dad retired, Jerry- Mm-hmm
⦠we merged- Mm-hmm ⦠the two churches.
Um, so Pastor Jerry and Theresa, theyâ¦
We've known them all my life pretty much.
Yeah.
Um, and they accepted my parents so great,
and they honored my parents so much.
Mm-hmm.
And I have told them multiple times,
their whole family, their whole
church have honored my parents, you
know, um, when they stepped down.
And Mom and Dad still attended there
for quite a while, um- Just because
that was Dad's church, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, and Dad even mentioned one time,
he said, "I didn't get to see the
vision that God had given me of that
church being full under my ministry."
Mm-hmm.
He said, "But I got to see it sitting
in the pew under Jerry's ministry."
Yeah.
Wow.
That building being full.
And so that was just confirmation,
I believe, for my dad-
Mm-hmm ⦠saying, you know, yes.
Yeah.
He took it- He took it ⦠as far as he
could, and then- And then ⦠and that
speaks really highly of him, that he would
still go- I was just about to say that
⦠and be behind the vision- Yes ⦠of that.
Yeah.
Well, and that he, there
was no offense in that.
No.
I, why didn't I get to be the one
to see the fulfillment of that?
You know what I mean?
That's, that speaks volumes-
Yes ⦠of your dad.
Like- Mm-hmm ⦠that- My
dad was a true shepherd.
Yes.
I, I have said that multiple times.
My dad would leave the 99
and go search for that one.
Yeah.
And that was my dad.
And, you know, I can honestly
say that he loved everyone.
Yeah.
If, if they offended him, he was easy
to forgive them and look past it.
Yeah.
You know, he would've went after them if
they would've been the one that wandered.
He would've still went after
them, even if that offense
had still been real, you know?
Yeah.
He would've left, because he
knew that that was his calling.
Um, but Pastor Jerry sent me a picture one
day of my dad at a prayer meeting, and it
was not even like a called prayer meeting.
It was just some of the men, they
opened the church- Mm-hmm ⦠early.
Some of the men would go and
just spend whatever time they
wanted to and just leave.
Mm-hmm.
So it wasn't anything set in
stone, we're gonna be praying
from this time to this time.
Um, but he sent me a picture of
my dad just sprawled out on the
floor- Oh ⦠just face down.
Mm-hmm.
And he goes, "I bet he's praying for you."
Oh.
And I was like, "There's
no doubt in my mind."
Yeah.
Yeah.
No doubt in my mind.
Yeah.
And, uh, I have that picture, and
so sometimes, you know, you're
looking through your pictures-
Yeah ⦠and I'll pass it.
Yeah.
And I'll be like, "Well-" Well, and those
prayers are still in the atmosphere.
They're still there.
Yeah.
Still living.
Still- And now he's up in heaven- Yeah
⦠with Jesus, and I just think that he
probably goes up to him every once in a
while and he's like, "Hey, remember you?"
Yeah.
Pour it out.
Yeah.
Just any- Yeah ⦠you know,
she's ready- Yeah ⦠anytime.
And so I think he's up there
waiting- Yeah ⦠and watching.
He's gonna see it.
He's gonna see it.
Yeah.
He's gonna be like ⦠Jesus
will be like, "Hey, come here.
I want you to watch this."
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
"Come here.
I got something I wanna show you."
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I can't wait.
I cannot wait.
Can't wait.
Well, this has been so, so good.
I mean, you can just, I feel like you
can feel the presence- Yes ⦠when
you're talking of Jesus in here.
I really do.
Um, but if, we always ask our
guests if there's one, um, moment
in Biblical history that you could
go back and witness, uh, what would
you wanna go back and witness?
So I knew this question was coming, and
I had thought about it, and I thought,
I would like to go back and see Esther.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I love the story of Esther.
Yeah.
But then, uh, the other day I
was thinking about that and,
you know, what I was gonna say.
Mm-hmm.
My story.
And I got to thinking and I thought-
What about the man that sat by the pool?
Yeah.
Oh, that's such a good one.
Yes.
I know.
And I thought, you know, I would like
to see the people's reaction- Mm-hmm.
Yeah ⦠that were, that
passed him every single day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They were familiar with him.
Yeah.
They knew.
They knew- Yeah ⦠why
he was sitting there.
They knew that he had been sitting
there, you know, all this- They probably
thought he was just such a schmuck.
Yeah.
Like, "Oh, this poor cat-"
Curious ⦠"sitting here."
Yeah.
Yep.
Sitting here, still-
My God ⦠by the pool.
Exactly.
Still asking if someone
would help him, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And so I would like to, I
think I would like to see that.
Yeah.
I would like to see that- I do
too ⦠that come to, to life.
Yeah.
And just to hear the story and
to see the people's reaction.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Get a glimpse of what's gonna- Yeah
⦠happen when I receive my healing.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I like it.
I just, I'm so ready for that moment.
Yeah.
We're gonna hear about it.
Y'all listening are gonna hear about it.
Yep.
That's right.
A- and if not, just open your doors and
your windows, 'cause I'm gonna shout it-
from the mountains, so.
Yeah.
Yep.
Not many shouldn'tâ¦
Yeah.
Yeah.
It should be heard.
Yeah, yeah.
But everybody's gonna hear it.
It will.
Well, people are gonna join with you too.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But, and we're gonna have you back on.
Yes.
You're gonna have a part two to this.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, I look forward to that.
Yeah.
Well, um, I've not ever prayed,
like, at the end of a podcast, but
I do feel like we should becauseâ¦
And I want people who are listening
to join in, even though this is
prerecorded, um- But prayers are eternal.
Yeah.
Yes.
Prayers are eternal, and, you know, by the
time this airs, you may already be healed.
But, I mean, I'm believing
that you will be.
Yes.
And this'll just be, and then we'll
hurry up and get you on for part two.
That sounds good.
So.
I'll be back in two weeks.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Okay, okay.
Yes.
I'm living with that, yes.
Yep.
And we will have to, like,
bump this up to the front.
Exactly.
I'll be like- That's
right ⦠"Sorry, everybody else."
Part two coming.
But, um, so let's just pray together.
Okay.
Okay.
Father, I just thank you for Jennifer.
I thank you for your healing power
that you, you promised us so long
ago when Jesus died on that cross.
It's already a promise that we
have, and we are asking for that
to be, um, fulfilled in our sight.
Yeah.
Because we know it's Jennifer's, and we
are standing together with many, many,
many others who are believing for this
healing, believing that we are going to
see it immediately, and I just thank you.
That's all that there's left to do, is
just thank you for this Our faith to
become sight because it is going to.
And God, so many, I'm just gonna
pray for the after effects now.
So many- Yes ⦠so many are going to
be healed, are going to be saved through
this miracle that we're gonna witness.
We thank you right now
that it's almost here.
Yes.
And we are going to see it, and we're
gonna hear about it for years to
come because there's gonna be so many
more miracles- Yes ⦠that are just
like a domino effect with this one.
And we just give you all the praise
and glory because it's all yours,
and we're just gonna stand by and
watch the, the ripple effect of this.
And we thank you, God, and
just bless Jennifer and her
family, and we just can't wait.
Yes.
We love you.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Yeah.
Part two coming soon.
That's right.
Yep.
I'm looking forward to it.
Yeah, me too.
All right.
Me too.
Thank you.
We'll catch you next time.
Bye.
So good.